Love is a drug
by aprileagle
Summary: COMPL! She is 18 years old. She has no money. She has an ill baby daughter. She just lost her job. Life can't get worse, can it? In that situation a person steps into her dark life and makes her a strange offer. An offer that could solve all her problems.
1. Prologue: Empty Places

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Haruka nor Michiru. Nor Elza Grey. I wish I would (then I could draw as nicely as Takeuchi Naoko -). Be that as it may, the story is mine .

**Author's corner:**

Hello my dear readers,

today I got a nice comment of a reader asking me if I had abandoned my story called "Love is a drug". I looked at my fanfiction profile and gaped at the screen in horror. What do exams do to us that we actually forget to upload a big (about 250 pages) Haruka&Michiru story? It used to be online on but this site closed a long time ago and therefore the story actually was abandoned OO.

Right now, I have some spare time at hand and since it's Christmas and my exams are finally over yes, I've decided to read over this "old" story, correct as many mistakes as I can find and finally upload it on my profile on already wrote this story in 2002 (but forgot to upload it OO), however, the plot isn't old nor outdated. It is about love and this theme is as old as humankind itself .

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_You can pray for me_

_But you cannot save my soul_

_Dig my grave but see_

_That I still can hear you moan_

_Think of my embrace_

_When you lose all hope and faith_

_You reach out for me_

But you cannot grasp a dream 

_You hold on to me_

_Your illusion makes me real_

_Think of my embrace_

_In your drug's delusive haze_

_Take me to the time_

_Let it start again_

_Take me to the time_

_When it all began_

_We can fly so high_

_You'll never want to say good-bye_

_De/Vision, "Take me to the time"_

**Love is a drug**

**(by April Eagle)**

**Prologue: Empty places**

"Did you bring her to us an hour ago?"

It was past midnight. It had been a long and hard day for a sadly smiling nurse. As always. The hospital where she worked was a big one. And a busy one. In one of the dirtiest areas of Tokyo.

The nurse, her name was Rumiko, rubbed her tired eyes as she walked through the twilight of the corridor. Actually, she had wanted to work in another hospital of the big city. In a more prestigious one. She was even offered a job in a private clinic one year ago. However, she had already seen the poor and the sick who couldn't afford a proper doctor. She had seen all those lost souls. Therefore, she simply couldn't pack her bags and leave. Of course she moved away. Everybody who could afford it moved away. But she stayed a nurse here at this hospital that seemed to have be built at the end of the world, on the edge of sanity. Her job wasn't paid very well, but her husband earned enough money. For him her work was nothing more than a joke, but he tolerated it. For her it was her destiny. To help those sad people who came to her from the dirty streets. To be there for them when no one else was. To say a comforting word when everyone else rejected them.

Them.

The scum of the earth.

Prostitutes. Pimps. Drug addicts. Children who had no parents any longer. Orphans who ran away from the orphanages. Children who ran away from home. Wives who ran away from their brutal husbands.

_So many lost souls._

Rumiko knew that she couldn't save them. But she could at least smile when the world seemed to sneer at them. At an endlessly suffering life. She was there when so many of them did their last journey, knowing that no one would mourn when they were gone. It was easy to simply hold their hands.

_Just like this time._

"Lad? Do you hear me?"

Some of them were handicapped, too. Their brains took damage from the drugs, their bodies from the rough use. But this boy seemed to be okay. Well, at least his body seemed to be okay. Better than the one of his girlfriend had been. Rumiko could see that he was thin. Too thin. As thin as they always were. It was senseless to give any food to them; they didn't eat any longer. Once the rush got into their mind, they didn't think of anything else than the white gold that should lead them to heaven. Often it really did. At least Rumiko prayed for those poor souls to go to heaven after they had died.

His hand shook as he stroked blond strands out of a dirty face. A pale face. Two eyes stared at her. They were green. Dark green. And they sparkled. Of tears the other one wouldn't cry. Rumiko was suddenly sure that this person was incredibly proud. Although he surely had seen terrible things and experienced probably worse stuff than Rumiko could ever imagine during his hard time on the street, he looked incredibly proud. As of nothing could break him. Until now.

Rumiko sighed deeply as she saw how fear flushed over his face. How he bit on his lower lip as he saw her look. She knew that he knew. At the very instant. He had known the dangerous illness his girlfriend had suffered of. He had known its deadly outcome. Always deadly.

"You brought her to our hospital, right?" Rumiko smiled, but he didn't react. He only stood there, holding a small bundle that probably once had been a backpack tightly in his shaking hands. It was dirty. As dirty as his clothes. Finally, after what seemed to have been an eternity, he nodded.

"How is your name, lad?" Rumiko stepped nearer, but still he didn't react. Didn't crouch, didn't try to run away as so many other had done. He simply stood there, staring at her with his dark green eyes. If Rumiko hadn't already seen so many scenes like this one before in her career, she would have felt uncomfortable.

"Hikari..." whispered the boy after another silent minute, but the nurse understood that this wasn't his name. It was the name of the girl he brought to hospital. A fainted girl who definitely broke down on the street outside. It was still August, right in the middle of summer, but the season had been terribly cold this year. Often, it had rained and the streets looked even dirtier than usual. It was a rough time outside and Rumiko knew that autumn and winter were going to be even harder.

"I am sorry, lad." answered the nurse truthfully, because she meant it. She tried to lay her hand on his shoulders in a comforting manner, but he jerked suddenly away. As if she could hurt him with just that simple touch. "It was too late, lad. She died ten minutes ago. The doctors couldn't help her."

Again she stared into green eyes, seeing understanding and knowledge there. Suddenly she knew that he wouldn't survive the next winter, because he was really alone now. Alone on a big, wide world that didn't want him any more. That had probably never wanted him at all.

"I am sorry."

Rumiko gulped, but she knew that she couldn't help him. Even if she offered him a place to stay and food, he wouldn't accept. He didn't believe in a second chance any more, as so many of the other teenagers outside her hospital. Her asylum. Where she tried so badly to do good, but had to see that she couldn't do wonders.

Rumiko sighed deeply while she studied the quiet boy in front of her. He was tall, but he didn't look like he was of age. Maybe he was sixteen, maybe seventeen. Maybe even younger. You could hardly estimate their ages when their skin was so grey and their bodies consumed. By drugs. By other horrors. The boy shivered and she knew that he was drug addicted, too. Now that he lost his girlfriend he would concentrate all his love on the white powder. If there was still love in the dizzy mind. If there were still other feelings left than greed and hate. Endless hate that destroyed them all. Sooner than later.

"It was a pneumonia, lad." The nurse finally managed to get her hand on his shoulder and was terrified how bony it was. The dark jacket, which was surely stolen because no one on the street could afford a leather jacket, could hardly cover the skinny body. The arms looked more like sticks. The boy before her was hardly a living human any more. He was only a cover that was left from the boy he once had been. He surely had been. Years ago. Ages ago... Now there was only this body left. Probably the soul had already gone a long time ago until only the cover remained. Patiently waiting to go, too. One day. Soon...

"She has her peace now, lad. She's in heaven." Rumiko tried to comfort him, knowing that he would follow her. Sooner than later. He already trembled like leaves in the autumn wind, an indicator of his addiction. Rumiko had seen the symptoms, had watched the cravings often before. He was desperate to give into his monkey quickly to come over the night. A long and cold night. Now even more lonely for him than all the nights before.

"Sure."

It sounded sarcastic. It sounded like someone who had stopped believing in heaven and God above. Who had stopped believing in anything. In anything else than drugs.

_This poor soul..._

"Rumiko-san?"

The nurse turned around as her colleague called her. Her night shift wasn't over yet and a lot of other patients needed their help. Here in this part of the city the devils never slept.

"I am coming. Just gimme two more seconds, dear." She shouted over to the other nurse and turned back towards the boy.

"Do you want to see her for one last time?"

However, she was talking to the wall. The boy was gone, had left without a trace. Not even the exit door swung slightly as it normally did. All that greeted Rumiko was an empty place.

The nurse sighed deeply and turned around. Although she felt miserable, she knew that she didn't have the time nor the luxury. Her tears didn't change anything, but her helping hands could. She had learned that lesson during her time at this hospital. Her next patient was already waiting for her. Another lost soul. Another person she was determined to help. Even if it was only a drop on the hot stone. Even if she could only rescue one life out of a million, this life was worth it.

The nurse shortly looked back over her shoulder at the empty corridor, then she followed her colleague to go over to a small girl who had lost her mother and now cried loudly for her. Maybe she could help her. Maybe she could help the next patient.

To be a nurse was simply her destiny.

Just like the destiny of the boy was to die. Soon, the way he had looked.

_Poor souls..._

dbdbdb

It was a place the sun's warming rays never reached. Not even during the day. Now, in the middle of the night, the darkness seemed to be even thicker. No one dared to come here. Not when there was someplace else they were able to take cover. Here seemed to be the end of the world and the ones who had to stay here, who couldn't escape any longer knew that. This place was abandoned by everyone, even the police had stopped coming here, because they felt the danger too great to actually do anything against the crime raging here. This restrict was left alone and silently everyone hoped that those who lived here wouldn't come out again. It was like a cemetery, only that the corpses were still moving. Hell was beautiful compared to this place.

A small light was lightened and a candle's tiny flame brightened up the darkness. However, it only succeeded for a miserable moment. It was too weak and the wind killed it before the shadow holding it could do anything.

"Shimatta!" cursed a low voice and someone moved through the empty alley. Nature opened its gates to make this place look even more dirty. It started to rain, hard. "Great!" The shadow groaned deeply and sighed worn out. Something jingled and another flame was born to a short life. The person jumped over a puddle and tried to find protection under a front roof, but there were only big wholes and soon a dark leather jacket was wet, too.

"Shimatta!" The shadow cursed again and finally sat down in a corner where the rain wasn't so dense. Tired eyes sparkled and as the person pulled two trembling arms around a shaking body, a silent sob could be heard. Or, to be more precise, it could have been heard if anyone had been there to hear it.

_She is dead._

The person lowered her head and blond bangs hang into a dirty face. Hot tears burned in dark green eyes, but the person wasn't willing to cry. It had never helped. It wouldn't help her this time, either.

_She is dead. Simply like that. _

_Only four hours ago I have held her and promised her to care of her - and now? Now she is dead!_

_Simply like that._

_Simply like that._

_Simply like..._

_Simply..._

The shadow moved again a little bit and wet hair covered a pale neck. Two shaking hands reached inside the jacket's pockets and grabbed something. Plastic crackled and for long minutes, the person stared at the powder that should be white. Now it was gray.

_Simply..._

Another flame was born and this time the candle survived the first three seconds. A spoon sparkled in its tiny light and tears shone like diamonds in sad eyes.

_Simply..._

_I need it anyway._

Her whole body trembled now and sweat run over a bony back. It let her shiver. Cold and heat took turns. Her mouth felt dry and her head hurt. As always. Her thoughts were getting slower and slower while her mind got more and more sober. A soberness she couldn't stand any longer, because in those seconds reality was too real. Reality was suddenly the world she was forced to live in, not the dreamland with all those nice colours. Suddenly, the memory of a laughing girl, of a crying girl was there again. The memory of a dying girl, coughing in her shaking arms that couldn't hold her back in this world, in this life.

_I can take more than the usual portion._

The memory hurt more than anyone could bear. More than she could bear.

_I can take all we have._

One day it could have been over. Their lives could have ended rather quickly, abruptly. Every day could have been their last. Every day, they could have gotten killed. Maybe by a pimp who wouldn't accept the likes of them any longer. Maybe by a rough winter when they hadn't found an empty house to seek shelter from the bitter cold. Maybe by one of those mad guys who belonged to a gang and wanted to have fun with them. Yes, they both had known how dangerous their lives were. However… somehow... somehow they had hoped that there would be a happy ending for them. One day... even if that meant to live in hell for another month, for another year. For another decade. It would have been worth it. Their personal happy ending. They would have fought for it. Hard. And maybe… maybe they would have survived... together. Only together. Never alone. As alone as she felt right now. Left behind. Left alone. As alone as she never felt before in her whole life. Not even when her parents left her. Not even when she spent the first nights on the street before she got to know her Hikari. Not even when she stole for the first time, tried to sell herself to total strangers. Not even when she took those wonderful sounding pills that made her life even worse... although she tried hard to ignore it.

_I can simply take everything and dream. One last dream. Together with her._

For a moment, she closed her dark green eyes closed, yet she couldn't outcast the cruel world around her.

_Simply..._

- Don't do it! -

The voice came both from nowhere and from everywhere at the same time. She jerked around and the spoon almost escaped trembling hands. Too skilled hands to let it really fall. Those hands would rather being hacked up than losing their potion of life. Or death? Certainly of oblivion.

_Nani?_

- Don't do it, Haru-chan! -

She raised her head and suddenly her pale face was covered by a golden light. A light that didn't brighten up the dark night, but that brightened up a tiny, an important life. Even if it had only been for some months. A time too brief...

"Hika-chan?"

_Man, I am really down! I see ghosts._

There was actually a girl standing in front of her. The girl wasn't dirty any longer. Not as dirty as she had been all her life. Her dark hair that almost reached her hips was neatly brushed. It wasn't coloured any longer in a strange, screaming red. Suddenly, the girl looked as beautiful as she had never looked before in her life. As healthy. When she had been still alive...

- Don't do it, Haru-chan. This is cowardly and you know that! -

"I am no coward!" screamed the blonde loudly and stood up with a sudden. The jacket fell down on the street and if there had been an observer he would have seen an angry girl shouting at thin air. A very skinny girl with short blond hair who was often confused to be a boy. Who didn't want to be a girl. Not after she had seen what devils could do to little girls. Not after she got to know that the world was crowded with them: ugly, old devils who did not only want their souls, but also their bodies. Who had only one goal in their ugly existence: to destroy them.

They all did win.

A long time ago.

"I am no coward! I survived this hell! The last thirteen months! You know that too well, Hika-chan!" The blonde took a deep breath and more tears sparkled in her eyes. She knew that she had finally snapped. She was talking to a ghost, for heaven's sake! But she didn't care any longer. They had taken everything away from her. She had fought so hard during the past weeks. For something that might have been called home. For something that might have been called love. For something that might have been called peace. Hikari took it all away with her.

_I am really nuts!_

- It is wrong, Haru-chan. It is so damn wrong. You have your life before you. -

"Just the way _you_ had _your_ life before you? I am not blind, Hika-chan, we share the same destiny. And be sure, I don't want to end on a dirty street, coughing myself to death!"

I didn't...

"No, of course not! Because I have been there. I took you to a hospital so that you could at least die in a bed. In a warm bed! You will get a proper funeral or whatever the hospital calls proper. I don't want to be thrown away like rubbish!"

_I interrupted a ghost._

_I am REALLY unfriendly._

_And mad. Surely. As mad as a hatter. It had been too much for my brain._

_But this stuff is really good. That guy was right._

_I shouldn't interrupt my best friend._

_Even if she's dead._

_I am talking to the dead! _

_I am mad._

_Is that good? Well, can't get worse, can it?_

The blonde grinned a mad grin as she turned back to her place. As she took the spoon again into her hand and held it carefully over the flame.

- But you are young, Haru-chan! Your whole life lies before you. -

_My whole life lies here. In fragments._

"My whole life is over, Hika-chan. You know that." answered the tall girl silently and sighed deeply, still staring at the spoon and the content that melt slowly.

- It... -

"Hell, in what kind of a fantasy world are you living, Hika-chan? Or were you..." The tall girl groaned and shook her hurting head. It seemed as if thousands of energetic sledgehammers wanted to destroy it. "I am long infected, too! It's pretty normal on the street!" the blonde gulped and sighed. It sounded defeated. No, she had never given up. Never in her entire life. She was a fighter. Whatever they did to her, however they humiliated her, how often she fell down, she always stood up again. To show them her pride. And her will to carry on. Together with her best friend. Now, however… now it all wasn't important any longer. Now, everything was over. Hikari had died and her soul had died together with the once so pretty girl.

_Maybe it's better this way._

- NO! - The appearance stepped closer and fear sparkled in brown eyes. - No! That can't be! We never... -

The blonde gulped again and shook her head.

"Can you remember when one of your... your clients hurt you? When he took a knife and I could only hinder the worst? I touched your blood."

- But I told you to NEVER touch me when... -

"Shimatta! You were hurt! I can't push away the ones I love when they are hurt!" screamed the tall girl tortured and raised her head again. Her look was covered with tears. She froze like hell while sweat ran down her trembling body. Shadows under her eyes let her look like a zombie.

_Say it! It's your last chance!_

_Say what you never said when she was living!_

_But she's a ghost. She's only a product of my nutty brain!_

_Is that a problem?_

_Does that really count?_

_No..._

Her stomach hurt and she felt sick. Her hands trembled even more and sweat ran over her icy skin. Her breath formed a little cloud in front of her face.

"I... I've loved you, Hika-chan. Didn't you know that?"

It was not even a whisper. Her lips moved, but the words sounded more like a croak.

The shinning girl smiled sadly, because it was the first time that her best friend, the always so distant, always so wild tomboy, had admitted her feelings so openly. Of course she had known about the other one's feelings. Of course Hikari had seen it in dark green eyes. Nevertheless, she had known that she would have never been able to give the blonde what she wanted, what she needed. What she deserved. Hikari had known from the beginning that the life that was left for her had been too brief to make her best friend happy.

- Your happiness would have cost you your life, Haru-chan. -

"The same does my desperation." Whispered the tall girl and turned her head away. Finally, her work was done and she searched for her injection. It was old and she hated it. It hurt a lot, but she hadn't been in the mood to steal anything at the hospital. As she had stolen so many things before in her life.

- NO! -

The shinning girl went on her knees, but the mud on the street didn't even dirty her white dress. The blonde gulped as she filled the injection.

_She looks so beautiful._

Her hands shook as she prepared her left arm. It was skinny and covered with tiny scars she would never get rid of again.

Once, when she had been a small child, her mother had told her that every scar would disappear until her wedding. Now, however... now, she would never have a wedding. She would never find someone who loved her. There was no time left for her. There was not even a life left for her...

_Mommy..._

_Daddy..._

As there were no parents any longer for her. They left her a long time ago. Left her behind in a rough world that didn't like her. That didn't want her at all.

"No one needs me, Hika-chan. No one wants me." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes as she pushed the injection into her skinny arm. It hurt incredibly but she was willing to sustain it. She had felt worse pain in her life before. It was tiny compared to the storm raging in her heart. In her soul.

- Haru-chan! Please! -

"There's no one here who would love me." The blonde bit on her lower lip as the fluid ran into her arm. Into her veins. "I am rubbish, you know that." She whispered and felt the heat growing inside her body. The tension she had always felt. From the beginning. From the first drugs she had taken - as pills, then. Soon, she had needed more. More and more. Stronger and stronger pills. Finally, her first painful injection followed. First, she had only needed one per day. In the end, she had craved one almost every hour.

- This is too much! - screamed the shinning girl, but her hands couldn't grab the injection. Helplessly, she had to see how her best friend took everything that was left from their last "shopping tour" as they had called it. She had even taken Hikari's potion, as well.

Potion of power.

Potion of strength.

Potion of forget.

Potion of death...

"I'll see ya on the other side. I luv ya..." whispered the blonde and leaned her head against the cold wall behind. Her messed bangs hang into her forehead and her face was wetted. Whether it was caused by the rain or by her own tears running down her cheeks, wasn't even clear to her any longer. She had never cried. Never in her life. No matter how hard, how dirty, how terrible it got.

_That's it._

Suddenly, out of the blue, she was reminded of one of those cartoons she had loved so dearly as a child.

As a child... had it really been so long ago? So long ago that she had sat in front of the expensive television set and had watched those movies while her father had read the newspapers? So long ago that her mother had been in the garden to care for her roses she had loved so much?

_That's all folks._

_Hai, that's all folks. The show is over. Finally over._

She closed her eyes and sighed deeply.

_I am going home. Finally home._

To a home that had been destroyed just two years ago...

Suddenly, she could feel how soft lips touched her own, but she was already too far away to answer the sweetest touch in her life. To answer the kiss that meant so much. The kiss that came too late. Much too late.

_Why?_

The tall girl wanted to react. To feel again that comforting embrace she had felt so often during the past months. During the past winter. During this damn fucking cold summer.

_Why..._

- Don't worry, Haru-chan. There're people out there who need you. Who will love you with all consequences. You are a loveable girl, Haru-chan. Just don't give up. Fight. Do what I never could. Live! Believe me, it's worth it! -

Hikari's voice died away, but she couldn't do anything to hold it back. As she hadn't been strong enough to hold the girl back some hours earlier that night.

Every thought was gone as she saw the bright light. It looked like an explosion of all the colours of the rainbow. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. It warmed her heart and suddenly she didn't feel alone any longer. There was someone standing before her. Someone she didn't know. Nevertheless, she had the strange feeling that she had known that person all her life.

Who are you?

She wanted to scream out loud as the firework increased. It hurt in her eyes. Even through her eyelashes. All of a sudden, there were planets flying around her and she wasn't on the dirty street any longer. She flew herself! Deep beneath, she could see the earth. And there, right beside her, there was the sun. And there... she turned around and saw some other planets. Bigger ones. With a lot of rings.

_Where am I?_

There was happy laughter as the shadow came nearer.

_You are home._

The laughter got lighter and suddenly she felt warm arms around her body.

_I love you._

She frowned, but wasn't able to react.

_I love you, daddy._

At that moment everything went blank.

dbdbdb

_I shouldn't have come to this place._

She hurried down the street, wrapping her thin jacket tighter around her freezing body, cursing herself for not wearing her winter coat. It was in the middle of February. Even though Christmas had been warm and everyone had thought all January of an early spring this year, she should have heard of her sister this morning. Of her warning words. That the sky looked like snow. That the temperature would decrease quickly. However, she didn't listen and now she was in trouble. Not only to get a flu, but also to be attacked.

She speeded up until she almost ran. The steps behind her speeded up, too. They belonged to four guys who didn't look very friendly. Surely they wanted her money. She looked too rich for that region of Tokyo. Hell! She was rich! And popular. Okay, those guys probably didn't know her, they had surely never heard any classical music in their lives. Nevertheless, they knew how expensive her boots were and that her little handbag contained more than just cheap lipstick or some coins for the subway.

_Shimatta!_

Still, she had to come to this place. Hell, she had been here quite often. In search of her partner. Her partner by destiny and maybe, maybe even her partner by heart. She didn't know. She had stopped to believe in love when she had been ten. Yet she believed in family. Her sister told her that lesson. And she believed that the one she was searching for belonged to her family, as well.

_Shimatta!_

She cursed again silently. Yes, she had been here before. She couldn't count all those times and she knew that her sister would go insane were she ever to know what her little sister did after school. What she really did after her rehearsals. What she actually did after her concerts. Of course her sister wanted to accompany with her. To search with her for the one. To be able to complete their mission one day. Hopefully soon. To be free again. To stop fighting. To save the world. A world that wasn't worth to be rescued in her eyes.

_But Sissy is worth it._

_And Elza-chan is worth it.._

_And Orpheus._

_And mommy._

_And daddy._

Therefore, she kept searching. Of course she had wanted to search together with her sister. However, every time she got that strange feeling, every time she saw how the sea got wild again, she simply had to go and search for it. Alone, because she always feared of her sister needing too much time to reach her. The feeling could be gone by then. Another wasted chance. Another wasted calling of the sea. Or of the one calling out for her partner. For her… Making her search harder and harder… and even getting into trouble for her.

_It never helped. Why should it help this time?_

She sighed deeply and held her handbag tighter. Her high heels were not very suitable for the winter and she slipped more than she walked.

_A taxi._

_A taxi!_

She turned around, but there was no yellow car around. Only some dirty ones rushing by, not noticing her. She stroked some strands of her wild, sea green hair out of her face and wanted to cross the street as a rough hand grabbed her and swirled her around.

"Hey, beauty! Where are you going so all alone?"

She made a face as she saw the unshaved, ugly face in front of her. The big guy who was about two heads taller than her was obviously dead drunk. His breath stunk like an opened whiskey bottle and she didn't like the cruel grin on his violet lips.

"Don't you want to have a little bit fun, beauty? I know there a good club..."

"No! Thank you!" She tried to turn around, but he held her tighter. "Let me go!" she screamed, suddenly filled with panic. It was already dusk, her sister would be concerned about her. "Let me go!!!" Her scream died away as he pulled her near and covered her mouth with his big hand. Her eyes grew wide and she tried to reach her into handbag. To touch a special stick she always wore with her.

_You bastard!_

_Sailor Neptune..._

But she wasn't able to reach it, because she was suddenly pushed away. The big guy grunted and turned around. The next moment, he groaned and went onto his knee, holding something between his knees very tight as if it hurt a lot. The other guys, probably his friends, tried to avenge him. However, they didn't stand a chance. One lost a tooth, the second one got a broken nose. They wanted to react, to fight, but there was a shadow between them. Too fast to be caught. Too skilful to be kicked back. So they ran away as soon as their leader could stumble again. Still groaning and screaming for revenge... later.

"Everything okay, young lady?"

The rich girl still held her handbag in her trembling hands. Her face was pale, her eyes teary. Surprised, she starred at another girl who was crouching over her, smiling friendly and reassuring, letting her now that the danger was over. At first, the rich girl thought about her as a boy. Her blond hair was cut extremely short for a girl and she wore pants. You couldn't see any female outlines under the wide winter jacket she was wearing. But her face was definitely female. It looked unreachable, but the same time soft. Dark green eyes sparkled and there was still that tiny, encouraging smile on so tender looking lips.

"I..."

Her blue eyes grew wide as the rich girl saw the sign glowing on the blonde's forehead. A golden sign. A sign she knew too well. Then it was gone. From one moment to the next.

_Was it only an illusion?_

Startled blue and asking green eyes met and silence evolved between them.

_She looks familiar._

A car went by splashing them slightly with water. Finally, they both awoke from their trance. The rich girl jumped on her feet and jerked back while the other one only wiped away the dirt from her jacket.

"Arigato!" the sea green haired girl bowed deeply and grabbed the other one's icy hand. "You helped me a lot. What's your name?"

She felt how the other girl stiffed but didn't let the soft hand go.

"I am Tenô Haruka. Always to your service, young lady."

"My name is Meioh Michiru." Answered the rich girl and bowed again. "Really, thank you. I am not sure if I would have defeated them so easily." Michiru heard a gasp for breath and as she looked up she saw how Haruka went on her knees. Her face was suddenly covered with sweat and she leaned herself against the glass of the buss stop that was next to them.

"I shouldn't do that any more. I know that I am not that strong any longer." She panted and closed her eyes for some moments. As she opened them again she winced wildly, because the other girl knelt suddenly in front of her, looking as concerned as no one had looked at her for quite a long time. Not the doctors, not the always so friendly nurses. They never looked concerned, they all looked sympathetic. Sympathetic with someone like her.

_She doesn't know who I am..._

Michiru smiled and without thinking she raised her right hand to stroked through sweaty strands.

_Does she know who she is?_

"It was a little bit exhausting to beat them all up, wasn't it? They were big guys." Smiled Michiru and didn't want to lower her hand again. Those strands felt so soft, she wanted to stroke them for eternity. Green eyes followed her motions watchful, almost fearful. However, she didn't utter a word of protest and Michiru knew suddenly that this girl was damn proud. That she would have never shown any fear.

"No, it wasn't them." Smiled Haruka, but it was a tired smile. "It was me." She took a deep breath and came to her feet again. "Better you call a taxi, young lady. You don't live in this district, do you?"

"No..." Michiru took her cell phone out of her handbag and screamed silently as she saw the message her sister had sent her. Her words didn't sound very friendly.

_Shimatta!_

_Sissy is right. I shouldn't hang around here without her._

_She will be very angry with me now..._

Michiru dialled a number and ordered herself a taxi. For herself and for her rescuer. Whatever the other girl did in this district, she had to take her with her. She was the third person of a family of four. She was the other senshi she was looking for. She was the other one who would search with them for the talismans.

_Shimatta!_

_I_know_ that I shouldn't exhaust myself any longer!_

Haruka opened her jacket and took a deep breath. Some kids ran by but she didn't notice them. She only noticed herself and the small being she had to take care of now.

"I ordered a taxi. Can I take you..." Michiru turned around and gaped as she saw a soft smile on a pale face. As she saw how Haruka stroked over her belly with a dreamy look on her face. Over a grown belly.

"You are pregnant?" gasped the rich girl. Haruka's green eyes darkened as she looked up. Every emotion was gone from her face as she studied the other girl. As if she had only realized right now that she had talked to a stranger, a total stranger over the past five minutes. That this wasn't good. Not good for her, not good for her baby. And especially not good for Michiru.

_She grew up in another world._

_She lives in another world._

_She would never understand mine._

Haruka knew it, nevertheless, it hurt somehow, somehow. She didn't know why, but suddenly she felt disappointed. As if she had lost something important. Something she couldn't remember of ever having owned.

"You are pregnant? _How_?" Michiru was suddenly as white as a wall. She grabbed for the next streetlight to regain her balance.

Haruka didn't answer. She closed her jacket carefully, still staring silently at Michiru. As if she only waited for the rich girl to freak out. To shout at her. Like so many other people had done. During those long months that lay behind her. People who didn't understand. Who simply didn't want to understand that someone like her wanted to have that child. That someone like her didn't abort it. That someone like her actually loved it long before it was born.

_She is pregnant?_

_But the stars told me that she's my partner._

_Is she married?_

_Does she have a boyfriend?_

_Nani!!!?!!!_

At that moment a car parked and honked. Michiru looked away and saw the taxi standing at the kerb. The taxi driver didn't feel secure in this dirty district of Tokyo and mentioned her to hurry up. Michiru nodded and wanted to turn towards the blonde to simply grab and to pull her with her. They had enough time to explain everything later. Finally she had found her, the third Sailor senshi. She wouldn't let her go again. Even if it meant that the third outer senshi would be a mother.

_A mother?_

_At that age?_

_She can't be much older than me!_

Michiru turned around and froze.

Because the place where Haruka had stood only a few seconds ago was empty.

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"Michi?"

It was dark outside the balcony. It was in the middle of a night. A beautiful night full of glittering stars. The moon was only a sickle. Therefore, they could see a lot of planets. It was warm outside. May was almost over and a hot summer would follow. The people at TV and radio said it on the news, non-stop, and she believed them.

"Michi?"

The tall woman saw her little sister standing at the balustrade, staring up to the sparkling universe around them.

"Go to bed, Michi. You have two concerts tomorrow."

"Hai..." the voice was husky. Not from sleep as the tall woman knew too well. She sighed deeply and stepped behind her little sister to take her into a comforting embrace.

"Can you feel it, Sissy?" whispered the smaller woman after a long time they had stood this way, staring up to the stars, each of them thinking their own thoughts.

"Hai." Answered the tall woman and tears sparkled in her dark eyes. "Of course."

Her sister sighed silently and wind moved sea green and dark green hair. Let them both shiver slightly. Still, they didn't want to go back into their house. To go to bed. To sleep. To be haunted down by another terrible nightmare.

"Tonight, the fourth outer senshi was born."

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She felt incredibly exhausted. As tired as she had never felt before in her entire life. Her whole body hurt, her mind was dizzy and her thoughts seemed to have the character of old honey. Tough and hard. However, at the same time she felt happy. Incredibly happy. For the first time for ages she felt free. It was a fantastic feeling. Having done something that was good. That was unique. That had been her own will.

The be she was lying in was hard and uncomfortable. She sweat incredibly under the thick blankets and she could hardly move because of the pain. More than one injection was inserted in her arms. Arms that were now a little bit thicker than they had been nine months ago. Those injections would add some more scars to her skin, but she would be proud of those scars. All of her life.

She was not alone in the room. There were two other women. They were older than Haruka. Much older. They were maybe twenty eight, maybe twenty nine. Flowers covered their beside tables. There was even a husband there, whispering excitedly with his wife. Haruka's bedside table was empty. There was only a cup of cold tea next to an empty vase. There was no one who would visit her. Not today. Maybe tomorrow an old woman would come to see that she was old enough to take care of her. That they couldn't take her away from her.

Haruka turned her head as the door was silently opened. Her tired face brightened up as she saw two nurses entering the room. Together with a doctor. One of the women held a bundle in her arms.

"Tenô-san?" asked the doctor as he controlled her pulse, her eyes and her heart beat. "How do you feel?" He knew her story, her dark past. At least what the police and the other doctors had told him. However, he had never said a single word about it. Right now, he only smiled at her. Visibly proud that she had made it.

"Better." She answered, although she felt as if a truck had run over her. Yet, she didn't want to tell him. She only wanted to see the bundle in the nurses' arms.

"She is very small and we have to do some more checkups, but you may hold her for some minutes. Is that fine with you, Tenô -san?"

All Haruka could do was to nod. Suddenly, her throat was thick and her eyes filled with tears. Tears of happiness. She gasped for breath as she felt the bundle in her arms. The smaller nurse smiled. She was young. Different from her older colleague who only made a face and left the room as quickly as she was allowed.

"Congratulations, Tenô-san." Said the nurse and stroked her long, blue hair behind her back. "She is a beautiful, little girl."

Haruka gulped and nodded again, not being able to say a word. She only watched the little girl. Lying there in her arms. Feeling safe and secure. Feeling loved.

Hell, how much she had already loved that tiny being who had changed her whole life - to the positive!

_I love you, little one._

_Do you know that?_

_Do you know that, Hime-chan?_

She gulped and for the first time she could remember tears ran down her face. Although she had to blushed deeply, she couldn't hold them back. Haruka squeezed the baby carefully, stroked over fluffy dark hair with a trembling hand. The little girl opened tiredly her eyes and blinked dreamily. Dark green eyes. The same eyes Haruka saw every day when she looked into the mirror.

_My little one..._

"It's okay to cry." whispered the nurse and smiled friendly. "She is someone special, right?"

_I wish Hika-chan would see you, Hime-chan. She would have loved you, as well. I am sure._

Everything Haruka could do was to nod again. And to hold the tiny life in her arms. A child so small and so weak but yet so strong to rescue her mother's life.

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"Whatever it takes, we need to find her!"

"Hai."

"We need her to find the talismans!"

"Hai."

"We need her to rescue the world!."

"Hai."

"We need her, because she is an outer senshi, as well!"

"Hai..."

_And I need her to be my soul mate..._

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	2. Chapter 1: A blessing or a curse 1

**Chapter one: A blessing or a curse?**

The dog barked in a terrified tone as a door was opened wildly and crashed against the wall. Then, the pet trotted away to find another place to sleep in peace.

"Out!" yelled an old man and made an angry face.

"No." The voice was calm. Dangerously calm. "You told me that I can work here. Your said that it's not a problem for you to have a female car washer."

"That is right!" the old man took a cigarette out of his pocket and lightened it. He inhaled some deep breaths of nicotine and tried to calm down his excited nerves. "That's right..." he repeated and looked at his worker who stood still in the shadow. The first female car washer he ever had. But she was good. She was incredibly good. His customers liked the way she worked with their cars and often praised her. Yes, she was his best worker. When she was around. When she didn't come two hours late. When she didn't leave during her hours without warning neither her costumers nor her co-workers.

"But I need someone I can depend on. I need someone I can trust." He shook his head as he saw the look in her dark green eyes. The same look that made him do this crazy thing. It had been three months ago when this young woman stood on his threshold. With a letter in her hands and determined words in her mouth. Words he wanted to believe - until she left for the first time without an excuse. Of course she came back later during her shift and worked longer than she had to. But it wasn't right to work this way. It wasn't simply right!

"I always work ten hours per day."

"Hai, that's right, too." He inhaled another deep breath and sighed deeply. "But we work in shifts here. You can't simply come and go like you want."

"But I always did a good job. Himana-sama, I need this job. You know that." Again that look. The old man felt more and more uncomfortable and finally turned away to stare out to the petrol pumps. A big car had just stopped. It was a nice car. A silver one. He didn't recognize its make, but it was certainly a very expensive car. And it was dirty. Surely, the owner wanted it to be washed. Be that as it may, the old man had other problems at hand right now.

"When, I repeat, Tenô-san, when you were here, you did a good job. But I can't keep you any longer when you aren't punctual. When you aren't here all the time of your shift." He crossed his arms before his chest to make his point clear.

"Promise me that you won't run away again during your shift and I won't fire you this time."

A young woman stepped out of the shadow of the building. She looked tired. As always. But that never let her work less hard. She always did an excellent job. In her working clothes, a dark blue washing suit, she looked more like a boy. Her blond hair was cut short and she never behaved like a typical girl. Like the old man's daughters always behaved. She never wore make up and she never cared about good clothes. Whenever she left work after midnight she only wore worn out pants and an old pullover.

The old man sighed again, deeply.

"Promise me, Tenô-san, and I'll forget it for this time."

He knew that she was just old enough to work. He knew that she wasn't very rich. And he knew that she needed this money more than any of his workers. But he couldn't risk to lose any customers, because she decided to go home when they waited for their cars to be washed.

Dark green eyes stared at him for a long time, then the young woman lowered her head.

"I can't. You know that. I told you about this, Himana-sama. I can't work 10 hours straight."

The old man raised his eyes asking to the sky, but no one answered. As always.

"Then you have to go. Your private life isn't my business. Other workers have their personal problems, too, but they don't misuse their jobs like you do."

"But..."

It didn't sound pleading. It sounded tired. Very, very tired.

"I feed my family with this petrol station, Tenô-san! I have two girls and three boys. I can't afford workers like you. Do your job and do it properly - or go!"

The young woman sighed deeply.

"I..."

The old man put his hand on her bony shoulder and shook his head.

"Go home for today, Tenô-san. Think it over. When you return for the night shift, I'll try it again with you. But another running home while you work and I'll kick you out, is that clear?" He shook his head. "If you don't come or if you are two seconds late, I'll take another worker. There are enough unemployed people on these streets today. Everyone can wash a car. Remember that!"

With those words he turned around and banged the door determinedly behind himself, leaving her no opening, no choice to continue the argument.

_Shimatta!_

Haruka wrapped her arms around her slightly shivering body and stared at her dirty shoes. Although it was a warm September she was freezing. She needed this job. She needed it so badly. To pay the rent, to pay the food. To pay the medicine. Nevertheless, she knew that she couldn't hold this promise. She couldn't stay away from home for ten hours straight or even more. The same way she knew that she couldn't afford a baby sitter.

_What shall I do?_

She took a deep breath, still smelling the disgusting dust of the old man's cigarettes. The past five months had been fairly good. For the first time in years, she had been able to lead a normal life. Or at least as normal as it could be for someone like she. She found hope. For the first time during the past two years she had really thought that she could make it. She found a flat with the help of her social worker. She found a job and earned enough to get by. She even thought about going to evening school to finish school and to have the chance to learn a proper profession one day. For only some happy, wonderfully few days she had felt lucky. Until her daughter stopped breathing one night and almost died. Until she spent another long night at the hospital. Waiting. Until she got to know the results. Results that were horrible. Not hopeless. Not hopeless for persons who had enough money...

She, however, didn't even have enough money to buy herself proper clothes.

And now she had lost her job.

_No one takes a young mother. No one... he was the only one._

She bit hard on her lower lip, still standing there. Motionless, unwavering staring at her old shoes. She needed new ones for the following winter, but she didn't know how to pay for them when she didn't have a job. The money she got from the state was hardly enough to pay the rent.

_They will take her away from me!_

_They will take her into an orphanage!_

_They will..._

She closed her eyes, felt the autumn wind playing with her short hair. No, she didn't want to think about this any longer. Of course the social welfare office doubted greatly that she was really able to care for a small child. Only her social worker believed in her and helped her to keep the small girl. And the doctor at hospital helped her. But when she was unemployed... it didn't make things easier. Maybe... Hai, maybe...

She pressed her eyelids hard together until she saw little stars dancing before her eyes. She forced herself to think of anything else. Of course it would be quite easy for them to take the little girl away from her. One look into her file, one look at her dark past, at all the crimes she had committed, was enough to see that she wasn't able to be a good mother.

Her stomach felt as if it was filled with stones. She felt sicker from one second to another. Again her whole world was crashing down and she tried desperately to hold it together, knowing that she wasn't strong enough. Not any longer.

_No, they can't take her away from me!_

_They can't..._

She didn't hear a car door closing behind her. She didn't hear the steps coming over to her. She didn't hear anything in her mind than the silent whimper she had heard during the past months. Every night. Silent whimpers instead of angry, healthy screams.

_Maybe they could pay the operation..._

_Forget it, dummy, the orphanages are poor enough right now._

_Maybe she will be adopted and her new parents..._

_Forget it, dummy, no one wants an ill baby._

_Then I have to pay that operation for myself._

_And how will you do that, dummy?_

_Without a proper job!_

_Without someone taking care of her while you work?_

_Without knowing neither the right doctors nor the right hospital? You can't go to the hospital in your district; the doctors there aren't educated to do such a complicate operation! And all other hospitals would throw you out at the very instant. The way you look._

_See it, dummy, you are as poor as a church's mouse. You are doomed to live in poverty. The same she is doomed to die..._

_No! Shut up!_

_Just shut up!_

_Please..._

"Hello? Hello?"

A soft but determined voice brought her back to reality. Haruka coughed and turned around. A smiling face greeted her, but she couldn't smile back.

"Konnichi-wa!" The girl bowed shortly before her. Haruka studied her critically and noticed that she was about one head smaller than herself. She looked rich. Her summer dress was probably made of silk. For a brief moment, Haruka wondered if she froze, but then he saw the thick silk tights under the dress. Both were snowy white and there wasn't even one dirty spot on them. The boots were as blue as her sparkling eyes. Coloured leather. They looked new, as well. Opened, sea green hair framed a blushed face and Haruka frowned slightly, yet she couldn't remember having seen the girl before, although she seemed familiar.

"Maybe you don't remember me, I am Meioh Michiru. I am the girl you saved last winter. There were some bad guys and you beat them all down!" She made a gesture with her hands as if she would kick someone right into the ass and giggled excitedly.

"Oh... right..." answered Haruka, feeling uncomfortable and extremely insecure.

"Why didn't you stay? I've wanted to thank you and you were simply gone when the taxi came." Michiru smiled friendly and blushed even more. It looked strange, because her outfit was so bright and her face resembled a ripe tomato.

_Maybe it looks strange. But the same time it looks cute._

_Cute?_

_Cute?!_

_What the hell are you thinking?_

Haruka felt her face heating up and coughed again.

"It wasn't a big deal." She said silently and wanted to turn around. Right now, it was noon. Still, she had half of the day to find another job, although she knew that it was senseless. She had already tried every shop in her district before she had asked the old man to wash cars.

_Everyone is able to wash cars._

_He is right._

_He doesn't need me..._

The same time everyone was able to sell hamburgers. Or to fill shelves in various supermarkets. Or to fill packages at the near post office. To clean the street.

Everyone was able to do those simple jobs. They didn't need her: someone who could work all day, but had to go home every three hours to take care of a little girl who needed her - and her medicine.

"For me it was!"

_Don't go! Don't go again!_

Michiru felt the panic burning in her body and grabbed for an icy hand to hold it determinedly tight. She saw how green eyes grew wide, felt how the other girls' body stiffed.

"I need to talk to you." She said and her second hand grabbed the other girl tighter as Haruka tried to escape. "I've searched you over the past seven months. Everywhere in Tokyo, but I couldn't find you." Michiru carried on, interrupting Haruka's short "But..." "I really need to talk to you. It is important!"

_I won't let you go again._

_Never again, be sure!_

Michiru's hands almost hurt Haruka, but the tall girl was too stunned to defend herself.

_She's searched for me?_

_Someone's actually searched for me?_

A strange feeling filled her heart, but she ignored it as she looked again at the smaller girl. She didn't seem to be much younger than Haruka, but she obviously had grown up in a completely different world. Her outfit was more expensive than all of Haruka's clothes combined. The money Haruka needed to pay the rent, the food and the medicine was surely the other girls' monthly pocket money. Certainly, she didn't know how it was to be hungry. Really hungry. Surely, she had always gotten whatever she had ever wanted in her life. Her mommy and her daddy were probably so rich that one million yen wasn't a lot of money. Maybe a new car, maybe a new horse. Maybe only a new fur jacket.

For Haruka it was a fortune. For her it decided between life and death.

_Death_...

Such a person couldn't have the need to talk to her. The sea green haired girl was a princess, Haruka was only a beggar. The nobility never talked to the common people.

"It is really very, very important!" Michiru looked around, but they were alone. It was noon, most people were at work or at home for lunch. They would fill their cars with petrol later. They didn't want their cars to be washed right now, they wanted to have a proper meal instead.

"Why don't you ask someone else? If it's about those guys, no problem, I didn't like them either. It was normal for me to beat them down." answered Haruka coldly and could finally free herself. She managed to walk away five steps, but Michiru followed her, running. She blushed even deeper and gulped.

"But I need you! You are the only one who can help me."

"Oh, don't you exaggerate a little bit, rich one?" asked Haruka cynically and raised one eyebrow as suddenly tears sparkled in blue eyes.

_Shimatta, she isn't only rich, she is also spoiled!_

She expected Michiru to start to cry within the next seconds, because she didn't get what she wanted, but the smaller girl only shook her head and grabbed her arm again.

"Leave me..."

"Please, listen to me. Take that time. Gimme one hour and I'll explain you everything. You will understand me, I am sure." She pleaded and almost tore Haruka's washing suit apart as the taller girl tried to get away. "Please, only one hour! Please!"

_You are the other senshi!_

_We need you to find the talismans._

_We need you to rescue the world._

_I need you to be my friend. My partner. I don't want to be alone any longer!_

But Michiru knew that she couldn't say it here. In public. Where everyone could listen to them. Maybe even a youma. To find out that she was Sailor Neptune and that the blonde before her was Sailor Uranus. Michiru knew it. She could remember the sign on the tall blonde's forehead. As she could feel it. There was something familiar about Haruka. She simply _knew_ that she was the third outer senshi. Just like the shinning queen had told her two years ago.

"Please, come with me. There's my car. Let's drive a bit and I'll explain you everything. Please!" she begged now, not caring that she let down her pride. No one at her school would have believed that she could react this way. That she could actually behave differently from the cool, snobby way she sat in the classroom and did what the teachers told her. Differently from the distant way she played her violin and drew the pictures everyone loved... until they got to know her. Then they all only wondered how someone as cold as she was could draw such warm pictures.

"Please. Only for one hour!"

"I can't. I just lost my job." Haruka shook her head, but became slowly angry about the other girl's refusal in letting her go. What was it about? Was that only a game? Was there a camera somewhere? Was someone pulling her leg? "I need to look for another one to pay my bills." She declared in a warning voice. "And now let me go. I am sure that you can find someone else to help you. Someone better."

_Someone better?_

_But you are Sailor Uranus. Have you never noticed?_

Michiru gulped and shook her head again. Two tiny tears escaped her eyes.

"No!" she said and took a deep breath to steady her spinning mind. Then, she let go with a sudden and Haruka stumbled. "You will come with me and listen to me!" Michiru searched in her handbag she was carrying around her left shoulder and finally produced a folded banknote.

"Is that enough for one hour? For one hour when you can't work?" she asked and handled it Haruka. The tall girl opened it and gasped hard for breath. It was a big note. A bigger one than she would have ever earned during one hour. Probably not even during a whole month, no matter how hard she might have worked.

"Nani?" she whispered and suddenly her hands started to shake. It was ten percent of the sum her daughter's operation would cost. Ten percent she needed so badly. "Nani?" repeated Haruka and looked directly in blue eyes. Now, they weren't pleading any longer. Now, they were hard. Icy. The blonde shivered unvoluntarily.

_I can buy that bloody easel another time. Anyway, I don't have enough time to draw when we search for the talismans._

It was the money Michiru got for her seventeen's birthday from her aunt to buy something she wanted to have. Her aunt didn't understand much neither of music nor art and therefore didn't want to buy something Michiru couldn't use or her niece already had.

_This is more important than anything else could be._

Michiru saw the surprised look on the other one's face and knew that she would win. Of course she would win. Money always won. That was a lesson she had learned early in her life. The same time she had learned that you could do a lot of good when you had enough money. The tall girl looked as if she needed this banknote a lot.

"One hour. I don't demand more than one hour. Listen to me and then decide if you want to help me or not." Her voice was unfeeling, as always when she tried to hide her true feelings: her fear and her desperation. Right now, she had to be distant or she would clung to the older girl and never let her go again, begging under tears to help her and to stay forever.

"For all this..." whispered Haruka, still not able to understand.

_Just talking?_

Haruka gulped and looked over to the car. It was a silver Ferrari. She would have recognized such a noble car from ten miles afar, blindfolded. It was a special edition and she knew that there only fifty produced had been produced - world wide. It did cost more than her daughter's operation would ever cost.

_The operation..._

_Take the money and go with her!_

_But..._

_Your daughter needs it. It is ten percent. Maybe you can get the other ninety percent in time. Before it's too late!_

_Too late..._

_But no one pays such a high sum just to talk!_

_And, is that a problem? Did you really believe to get the money on the normal way?_

_But I never wanted to do..._

_It's the only way, dummy. See it or leave it. On the other hand, it's your daughter's only chance. _

_But after Hikari..._

_Look at her! What should she do to you? She is a girl, too. She doesn't..._

_But..._

_Just shut up, dummy and go with her. And this banknote will be yours! Think of your daughter. Only think of your daughter. You want to save her, right? No matter what the cost, right? You are responsible for her, right? Without you she will die. Without the operation she will die. Without the money she will die._

_Right?_

_Right?_

_Right?_

Haruka gulped and crumbled the note in her shaking hands.

_Hai, right..._

She put the note carefully into her washing suit and took a deep breath. Then she raised her head again and looked directly into sparkling blue eyes.

_Right..._

"Okay. You convinced me." She whispered and felt like signing her death sentence.

"Good." Michiru smiled suddenly and looked very happy. "Come." Was all she said and turned around. To go to her car. The keys jiggled in her hands in a happy rhythm.

Haruka followed her. Looking like a helpless animal going to the butcher.

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The houses rushed by quickly as they drove through the streets of Tokyo. The rich girl wasn't a very calm driver. She growled often when the lights turned red or when another car before her was a _lazy chicken_. Or a _total baka_ as she scolded them, loudly. Quickly, they left the dirty district behind. Haruka only looked out of the window. She felt uncomfortable. She felt extremely uncomfortable. And totally wrong. The leather was soft and white. She had feared to dirty the seat but the rich girl only told her to take the seatbelt.

"What was your name? Haruka?" Michiru concentrated on the idiot dreaming before her and kicked the break as the idiot really stopped to take a parking space that was too small for his big car.

"Asshole!" she snapped and speeded up again. She turned on the radio and sweet violin music filled the car. It calmed her down a little bit. Normally, she had her temper better under her control. Normally. But today wasn't normal. No, it wasn't any normal at all. Today was the day that she had found the third senshi. That she had finally found Sailor Uranus.

"Haruka, wasn't it?" she repeated her question and turned slowly her head. To see how the blonde silently observed the entire car. Dark green eyes sparkled and without really noticing her own action stroked the tall girl over the leather.

"Hai." Haruka nodded and blinked several times as if awakening from a far away dream. Or a nightmare. "But aren't you too young to drive a car?" She had to say something. Anything. The violin music was nice, but it was driving her crazy. The rich girl had given her the note over ten minutes ago for one hour, but she hadn't started talking yet.

"I am already seventeen." Michiru smiled and played with one curl of her sea green hair. "I spent some months in America and made my driver's license there. And I have a special allowance to drive."

"Special allowance?" Haruka forgot her dark thoughts for a moment and raised one eyebrow. "Are you famous or something?"

"You never listen to classic music, right?" Michiru pushed some buttons on her radio and another sweet violin song started.

"I don't have the time." answered Haruka and looked again out of the window. Now, they were passing white houses. They didn't look dirty any longer, and they were smaller. However, they were at the same time bigger, because Haruka assumed that only one family lived there. Not fifty as did in the block Haruka was living in. Here, the richer people lived. People who could afford things like a swimming pool. Like a big car. Like living without worrying where to take the next food from.

_I don't have the time._

_I don't have the money to buy a CD._

Haruka crouched deeper into the seat and bit again on her lower lip.

_I don't even have a CD player._

"Whatever, don't worry. I am a little bit crazy and my sister always prays when I drive, but I won't cause an accident. This car is also strong enough to survive a really big crash." Michiru petted almost lovingly the steering wheel. "It was a birthday present of my parents."

_Birthday present..._

Haruka could remember her last birthday present all too well. It hadn't been a car. Nevertheless, it had been more worth than everything money could buy. Her daughter had been born on her last birthday. Right in time so that she had been old enough to keep her.

"How old are you, Haruka?" Michiru controlled all mirrors and speeded again a little bit up as they left Tokyo behind. Now they had been for almost twenty minutes in the car and everything Michiru had talked about was nothing important. Nothing that could be worth so much money.

"Eighteen." Answered the blonde who didn't even notice that the other girl had called her by her name. _Haruka_. Not _Tenô-san_ or simply _boy_ or _lad_. Her thoughts spun around and still she asked herself what she was doing here. In a strange car. Talking to a strange girl. Having a note in her washing suit that was a fortune for her, but surely only pocket money for the rich girl.

"Then you are allowed to drive, too. When we have time I'll learn you how to drive, okay? I am sure you will like it." Smiled Michiru and looked around. There was a crossroad and near it was a parking space. It was hidden behind trees so that people who arrived at Tokyo late at night and didn't find a hotel any longer could sleep in their cars the last hours of the night. The forest started behind the small parking space. The landscape outside of Tokyo had two faces: forests and the beach, both near to each other. Haruka knew about the beach and she knew about the forest, although she hadn't been here for a long time. Still, she could remember the wild sea. She had been there as a small child. Together with her parents. Yet, she hardly ever thought about that trip to the beach. The memory hurt too much.

"Okay, we can talk about this later." Michiru glanced around and directed the car towards the parking space. "First I need to tell you the truth."

_The truth?_

Haruka's head jerked around and her heart beat increased as the car parked. She had often heard about those places. Hikari had told her about them. No one could see them from the street. No one would hear them. Of course not. The cars passing by were too fast and during the day hardly anyone stopped here and even at night the parking space was mostly empty.

_The truth?_

_You knew that she doesn't only want to talk to you. No one pays such a high sum just to talk to someone like you! She is rich, she can get everything she wants. The way she got you..._

Haruka gulped and her head hurt suddenly. She felt how her hands got even colder and how the world started to spin around her.

_I've never... never since... I..._

_Don't behave like a small child, dummy! You know how hard life can be, especially for someone like you! Just stay and let it happen. It's for your daughter. It's only for your daughter. She is worth it, right? She is worth every pain, because you are responsible for the pain she is in, right?_

_Right?_

_Right?_

_Right?_

Haruka swallowed hard and her stomach seemed to be filled with acid. It hurt incredibly and she knew that the reason wasn't the scar. Not this time. She felt like throwing up, but knew that she wasn't allowed to. Besides, there was nothing in her stomach she could have thrown up. She only took her medicine this morning and hurried up, because she had already been late for work. She didn't have time to prepare her breakfast and didn't want to waste her money to buy expensive food.

_Maybe I should have eaten something..._

She had been able to defeat those four guys easily just seven months ago. She had been able to beat the bad guy down who dared to hurt her Hikari. As she had been able to defend herself in every other situation. When her parents left her. When she ran away from the orphanage. When she meet the first one who sold her those wonderful pills that made her forget all this bullshit. Right now, however, she felt helpless. Weak. She wanted to jump out of the car. To run away. She had always been fast. The fastest one in her class. She broke the school record twice and everyone had been proud of her. Her parents just like her teachers. Even after giving birth she was fast. She knew it. She could jump out of the car and run away as fast as she could. The rich girl wouldn't be able to reach her. Haruka could run through the forest where the silver Ferrari couldn't follow her.

_I could..._

But the same time she felt like paralysed. Maybe she could run away. With the money. But on the other side...

_What if she wants you again?_

_What if she wants to "talk" to you again?_

_Ten times and you would have the money for your daughter._

_Right?_

Haruka gulped and watched how Michiru reached for her handbag she had thrown on the backseat earlier. She opened it and searched again for something.

_She's only a girl._

_She can't hurt you._

_Maybe she's simply curious and..._

_She doesn't look like..._

_She's rich, they always look different._

_But..._

"What I am going to tell you might sound strange. Maybe even crazy. But it's the truth." Michiru still searched in her handbag. It looked tiny from the outside but seemed to contain a lot of things. "Did you have nightmares recently?"

_What kind of nightmares is she talking about?_

Haruka tried to seize on her seat as the world swirled around her as if she sat in a roundabout. Going round and round and round…

"Nightmares about the destruction of the world?"

_Oh, the lighter ones._

Haruka wanted to nod, but she forgot her words as she saw the little stick sparkling in the other girl's hands. It glittered golden and there was a dark green jewel on top of it.

_She is going to use that?_

_Well, it's a lot of money, right?_

_But..._

Suddenly Haruka couldn't breathe any longer. The car seemed to shrink and the whole world disappeared. All that remained was she and the rich girl. And the stick.

_But..._

"Those nightmares are true, Haruka. The destruction of the world is near. But we can hinder that. We can save the world, Haruka. We can..."

Whatever they could, Haruka didn't understand it any longer. She only grabbed for the door knob to get out, but the door was locked. Of course it was. Hikari had told her about it. Only once after Haruka had begged her the all night. Afterwards she had often wished never to have asked at all.

"Haruka? Are you listening to me?" Michiru stopped talking about the mission and about the talismans and turned her head. The blonde sat there. Her face was pale, almost green. She stared determinedly on the now mute radio and didn't look as if she was listening at all. Her hands were wrapped around the leather and the ankles were almost white.

"Haruka?"

Michiru leaned over to the girl and touched the left shoulder. Haruka jerked around and her green eyes grew wide opened. They were full of panic.

"Haruka?"

The rich girl felt how the body trembled under her fingers, but didn't understand why.

_Is it really so hard for her to get to know that she's a Sailor Senshi?_

_Is it really so hard for her to realize that she is Sailor Uranus?_

_Is it really so hard for her to see that she belongs to us? To my sister and me?_

"Haruka?"

But the other girl still didn't react. She stared now at the stick in Michiru's hands, but didn't move. She only sat there, breathing harder and harder.

"Are you feeling okay?" Michiru blinked. "Are you alright, Haruka?"

_I was very shocked, too, when I got to know it._

_I cried and Sissy had to calm me down._

_But she looks different. Somehow..._

Michiru opened the doors and left the car. To go over to Haruka's side. She couldn't achieve anything when she was trapped behind her steering wheel.

_Now she will hurt me._

_But it's for your daughter._

_Right..._

_It'll be over soon._

_Right..._

The door was opened next to her and Haruka didn't think much as she stumbled outside. Her stomach hurt more and more and her mind was dizzy. She walked two steps before she was held back. A warm hand grabbed her icy one and held it tight.

"What's up? Hey, talk to me! You promised me that I have one hour!"

"I didn't take my medicine." whispered Haruka, but she knew that it was a damn lie. She had her medicine always with her. Just in case. She wasn't allowed to become ill. She had to be strong. For herself and, what was even more important, for her daughter.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Michiru blinked and raised her other hand with the golden stick. "Then we could have driven to your house instead to this place."

_House?_

_Do you really think I could afford a horse?_

Haruka only stared at the smaller girl, still feeling the warm hand touching her icy skin so softly.

"I just wanted to talk to you in peace. To let you make your decision. If you want to do it."

_If I want to do it?_

_To do it?_

_It?_

Haruka gulped and saw again the little girl before her. Counting on her. Depending on her. She needed the operation, otherwise she would die. Very soon. The doctors only gave her one year, at the maximum. There was no other way to get this lot of money. Haruka knew it. She couldn't go stealing the way she had done during long thirteen months. They would take her little girl away. But they'd never find out about this…

She gulped again.

_For my Hime-chan._

_For her I will do everything they ask me to do._

Haruka looked directly into expecting blue eyes. Pleading blue eyes. Sea green hair were messed and the white dress looked crumbled.

"I..." Haruka took a deep breath and nodded slightly. "I..."

"You want to fight with us against the youmas? You will search for the talismans with us?" Michiru's face brightened up and she laughed happily.

_I _knew_ she wouldn't go away once she knows what her task is!_

_She will help us!_

_We don't have to do it all alone any longer._

_Thank goodness!_

Michiru let the blonde go and waved the stick happily through the air, all the while dancing slightly from one foot to the other.

"Youmas? Talismans?" Haruka's voice was rough and her face was a whole question mark. "Nani?"

_What is she talking about?_

Michiru stopped in her bizarre dance and glanced at the pale girl.

"Hai, youmas who search for the talismans, too. The talismans we need to find the grail and to rescue the earth. I told you about it. Didn't you listen?" she frowned and came again nearer. "What were you thinking of? I mean, when I asked you to make your decision."

"Oh... nothing..." responded Haruka and looked away. She felt how she blushed in embarrassment and was angry with herself. Next to her was a nice girl who obviously needed some help. Maybe against some other guys who wanted to beat her, just like the last time Haruka met her. Maybe she called them youmas, because they were so evil. This girl surely wanted to have a bodyguard and she thought so bad about her the entire time.

_And the talismans?_

_She must be really rich to waste so much money to talk to a total stranger!_

"Haruka?" Michiru, still holding the stick, stepped a little bit nearer so that their hands almost touched. The rich girl could remember too well the panic in green eyes. Silently, she observed the dirty washing suit, heard again the words the old man had spoken. That the tall blonde lost her job if she wouldn't be more punctual at work. Haruka had shook her head, showing him that this wasn't possible.

_She doesn't look as if she could afford to lose that job._

_A stupid job._

Michiru didn't know what it meant to work at a petrol station, both her parents were musicians, they had never worked in dirt and for little money.

"Haruka?"

"Okay, you can keep talking. I will listen now, young lady." Haruka still looked straight away, clenching her fists. She looked suddenly very angry. Angry and ashamed. "I'll give you another hour, okay?"

"What did you think?"

_You don't know where she comes from, Michiru._

_You don't know who she is, besides from being the reincarnation of Sailor Uranus._

_Who can guarantee you that..._

_But she saved me when those guys attacked me. She was simply there to protect me. Me, a total stranger. She even stayed until the taxi was there to get me out of that district._

_She lives in that district._

_Certainly._

_And she had been pregnant..._

It was something Michiru was reminded of at that very moment. That the blonde had had a big belly the last time they had met. Now, however, she was slim. Almost skinny.

"Where is your child?" Michiru felt suddenly as if the ground would open and devour her. She thought that everything would be very easy once she had found the third senshi. To talk to her, to convince her to fight with them and then to meet every day to search for the talismans. To become a good friends and maybe...

_Maybe what?_

_She gave birth to a child!_

_Obviously, she has a boyfriend!_

_Maybe she is even married. She is eighteen, she is old enough!_

But there was no ring on an icy hand. There was no jewellery at all.

"She's at home. Sleeping." Answered Haruka, too surprised to deny it. It wasn't the other girl's business if she had a daughter or not. Yet, it was out before she could bit on her tongue.

"She? A little girl?"

"Hai."

"How old is she?" Michiru put the stick away. She would talk to the blonde about that topic later. Suddenly, she had the feeling that there would be a lot more time to talk about that topic. There had been no youmas attacking this week and obviously there were more important things to discuss right now than the search for the talismans. Michiru and her sister had known about the destruction of the world for almost two years. The world didn't stop existing yesterday, so it wouldn't disappear today, as well.

"Five months."

Michiru nodded, then she pulled Haruka determinedly back to the still opened car door.

"Okay, show me the way to your home, so that you can take your pills and take care of your daughter. Then we can still talk about the mission!"

_Mission?_

_Didn't she want..._

_Just shut up and follow her, okay?_

_As long as she doesn't take away the money, just let her drive and talk. She seems to need it. She looks lonely._

_Hai, she does..._

_As lonely as I feel._

"Don't be such a lazy chicken, come on!" Michiru got impatient as she threw the stick on the backseat, next to her handbag.

"You shouldn't challenge me. I used to be the fasted runner in my athletics' team." answered Haruka, suddenly very, very relieved that she misjudged the rich girl. Still, she didn't understand what Michiru really wanted from her, but she knew what she didn't want from her. That was good. Very good.

"Really?" Michiru started the engine and looked surprised. The girl next to her seemed to be too skinny to have enough strength to be fast any longer.

"Do you want a bet?"

"Hm... better not." Michiru giggled as Haruka raised her left arm to show her the biceps she maybe once had had. Now, the sleeve of her dirty shirt seemed to hang around her arm like around a stick. Michiru's giggle sounded slightly unsure.

_I must be really crazy._

_She is a total stranger._

But yet the tall blonde felt so familiar.

_Because she is Sailor Uranus._

_She has to be Sailor Uranus._

Because Michiru already trusted her with her life.

Violin music filled the car again as the silver Ferrari left the parking space and went back to Tokyo.

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It wasn't a region of Tokyo where Michiru could imagine to live. The street was narrow and dirty. There were no nice houses, but big, ugly blocks, with hundreds of tiny flats. The walls were gray and the windows looked like dead eyes. Most of them stared bleakly into the world; there were hardly any curtains. A dog barked somewhere and a child cried.

This was surely not a place for a child. Nor was it a place for someone else. Michiru parked her car and shivered as she looked around. She didn't spot any green around the colourless blocks: no trees, no grass. Nothing. Some kids played across the street, but there wasn't a proper playground. They played on the cement underground of a parking space. The supermarket's windows were covered with bars, certainly to protect it so that no one broke into it during the night.

_She lives here?_

Michiru closed her car carefully and started the alarm system. Her sister had invented it and everyone trying to steal her car would regret it. Michiru knew that the fireball coming out from beneath the hood was illegal, but this region didn't look as if anyone cared about laws. Since she had seen Haruka for the first time the last winter, she had searched all districts of Tokyo, even all regions of Japan to find her. Her sister had simply been very concerned and had tried to protect her with her special skills in developing computers and other stuff Michiru could use but never understood.

Yes, she had searched everywhere, but she couldn't remember that block. The front door's glass was broken and the splinters still covered the ground. Haruka didn't seemed to be impressed. She simply stepped over them and took some keys out of her washing suit's pocket. The corridor was dirty, as well. The light, however, was broken, therefore Michiru couldn't define what they were stepping over in the twilight. She didn't want to know, anyway.

The door crackled as Haruka opened it. The lights were already switched on. Michiru followed her with mixed feelings. It was a tiny flat she entered. It was even tinier than she had imagined: there was only one single room with a bed in one corner and an old table with two fragile chairs around. A tiny cooker stood at one corner. Michiru saw no fridge, not even a proper bathroom. A small washbasin came out of the wall and two folded towels laid under it.

"Where's the toilette?" asked Michiru and looked terrified around. She had never seen such a terrible flat in her entire life. She could have never imagined such poverty.

"At the end of the corridor." Answered Haruka and went over to the bed. The window above was dirty and the curtain had surely seen better days.

"Hey, my little darling..." whispered the blonde and now Michiru could hear the silent whimper. It sounded more like an injured animal but Michiru knew it better as she saw how Haruka sat down on the bed and brought a small bundle in her arms. A smile Michiru hadn't seen before bloomed on the pale face and Haruka kept saying soft words to the tiny being in her arms. The whimpering stopped and Michiru believed to hear a silent giggle. Silent. Very silent. It sounded so weak. So helpless...

Hesitatingly, she came over to the bed and looked into a tiny face. It was surrounded by soft looking, fluffy dark hairs. Tears sparkled in green eyes that were as deep as her mother's, but the baby didn't cry any longer. Tiny hands grabbed for the dirty shirt and the little girl didn't only search for attention.

"Do you still...?" asked Michiru and gulped.

"Breastfeed her? No. I used to. But then there were some complications and I started taking medicine. Now she only gets her bottle. It's under the washbasin. Could you please give it to me?" Haruka made herself a little bit more comfortable on the hard mattress and stroked carefully through fluffy hair. Love was written all over her face.

"Here..." Michiru felt totally out of place, but didn't know what to do else. Therefore, she searched for the bottle. It was wrapped into one of the towels and was still warm. It contained milk or something like that. Michiru had no idea. She had never cared for a little child, being the younger daughter.

"Arigato." Haruka thanked her as she handled her the bottle and showed her to sit down. "Tell me what you wanted to tell me, I'll listen." She said and let her daughter drink. Somehow, Michiru had expected for the baby to drink with a lot of greed and to drink quickly, but this little girl seemed to have her difficulties. She drank very, very slowly and more than once Haruka had to encourage her to go on. The blonde was very patient and talked the entire time with a calming voice to the little baby.

_She is a good mother..._

Michiru sat down on the hard mattress and made a face as a spring poked right into her backside.

_How does she manage to sleep on such a bed? _

The dark rings under Haruka's eyes told Michiru that the blonde probably didn't sleep much.

"Where's her father?" asked Michiru and looked again around. There was a small wardrobe in one corner. Silently, she asked herself if Haruka had put all her things into it, because she couldn't see anything that made this tiny room a home. Michiru had drawings hanging all over her walls. There were pictures of her family and her best friend on her desk. Her bed was covered with sheets of music and her shelves with music books. Her expensive violin stood in one corner and everyone who came into the room knew that it was hers. But this room... it looked empty. So impersonal. So abandoned.

"Dunno." Haruka smiled as the little girl did another gulp and whispered some more encouraging words. She knew that her daughter was still hungry, but that this action was very exhausting for her. Nonetheless, she needed her meals. She needed to be strong to survive the operation.

_Oh..._

"Don't you have a boyfriend? Aren't you married?" asked Michiru before she could stop herself. She could see that there was no partner around, because this flat was made for only one person. There was only one bed here. No trace of another person.

"Nope." Haruka gulped as two tiny hands grabbed the bottle tighter. Automatically, she held it higher to help her daughter drink. "Didn't you want to talk to me about something important, young lady? I am sure that my private life is not very interesting for you."

"My name is Michiru." Michiru moved on the hard mattress and another spring hurt her. She made a face, but didn't complain.

"Okay. Michiru. What did you want to talk about?" Haruka's voice sounded soft. She was still looking at her daughter and didn't want to terrify her, but Michiru sensed that the tall blonde was confused about her strange behaviour.

"I..." Michiru watched how the little girl fell asleep and how Haruka put the bottle away, sighing deeply. The baby hadn't even drunk the half of it. "What's her name?"

"Nani?"

"What's your daughter's name?"

"Hotaru." A proud smile appeared on Haruka's tired face and she rocked the little girl carefully in her bony arms. "Hotaru..."

"Is she ill?" Michiru knew that this question was impolite. Very impolite. And hurting. She saw it as Haruka raised her head and looked directly into her eyes. There was pain in green eyes before she looked away again.

"What's wrong with her?"

"Her heart is very weak." Admitted Haruka finally. Spoke it out. Loud. For the first time after the doctors had told her the results four weeks ago. "Too weak..."

_But I won't give up!_

_Don't worry, Hime-chan, I'll fight for. You will live. Be sure!_

"What did the doctors tell you? Is there any chance..."

"Of course there is!" snapped Haruka back, suddenly very angry. What did this strange girl think? Simply to interrupt her life and to ask so many hurting questions?! Couldn't she torture someone else?

"Why isn't she in hospital, then?" Michiru watched how Haruka laid the sleeping girl again carefully on the hard mattress and covered her lovingly with the blanket. The little girl smiled in her dreams and her tiny hands grabbed for the blanket.

"Didn't you want to talk to me about something..."

"Why isn't she in hospital, Haruka?" Michiru stood up as the same time as Haruka rose. It was alike to her what the other girl thought now. She had always been very stubborn and her sister only liked her, because she was her sister. She always pushed all her classmates, all her friends away with her stubborn behaviour that got worse after she got to know about her destiny. When she got to know that she was Sailor Neptune - doomed to search for the talismans to rescue the world.

"Because I can't afford an one-million-yen operation!" shouted Haruka back, suddenly raging. "Wake up, princess! This is reality! Look around and tell me where I should take the money from to go to a good hospital! Her heart has a big defect. I don't know the proper medical name, I am not educated enough, but I know that it means that only an operation can save her. An operation I can't pay right now!" Haruka raised her voice but got quieter again as the little girl made a disturbed face. For a second, Haruka and Michiru stared at each other, then the tall blonde made a depressive sound and turned away. Silently, she opened her wardrobe and pulled some clean clothes outside. They were old and worn out, but they were clean. Cleaner than the washing suit she wouldn't have to wear any longer. Carefully, she took the note out of its pocket while she stripped the suit and looked at it.

"What did you want to tell me?" she whispered finally and put the note into the jeans she found in her wardrobe. "About talismans and youmas." Haruka stripped her shirt and threw it on the ground. She didn't want to turn around to see her skinny, ugly body in the piece that was left of the mirror. It hang over the washbasin and the person who had lived in this flat before had forgotten to throw it away. Haruka simply didn't have the money to buy a new one. She also didn't see a reason why to buy a new one.

The tall blonde decided for an old T-shirt that was completely black and a worn out pullover. It used to be dark green, now it was merely grey. But it was warm. That was all what counted.

_She is Sailor Uranus._

_Isn't she?_

_Isn't she?_

_Isn't she?_

Michiru gulped as she watched Haruka change. She saw the ribs under the pale skin, saw some bruises and a long scar that crossed a slim belly.

_I have seen the sign on her forehead._

"Touch this!" Michiru reached inside her handbag and pulled that stick out again. The golden henshin that belonged to Sailor Uranus. The shinning appearance of their queen had givem it to her. Together with Sailor Neptune's and Sailor Pluto's henshin.

"Why?" Haruka stared questioningly at the stick, but finally obeyed. She took the stick and felt a strange prickling going through her body. Again, she saw the planets she had seen on the best trip of her life. Again, she stood alone in that universe. Alone? No, there was again that shadow...

Haruka let go of the stick quickly and stepped backwards.

_Nothing happened..._

"Is that a game?" asked the blonde and crossed her arms before her chest. It almost looked like a protecting gesture. "Is that what you wanted to show me? That stick? Well, it looks nice, if you want to hear that..."

_Nothing happened!_

Michiru bowed and hid the stick again in her handbag.

_Maybe it's the wrong time._

_Maybe it's because she doesn't know about her destiny yet and isn't prepared._

_But I have seen the sign on her forehead._

_She IS Sailor Uranus._

_Are you sure?_

_Really sure?_

_Hm, Michiru?_

_But I have seen it!_

_Maybe it was an illusion? Maybe you wanted so badly to find the third senshi that your brain let you see things that weren't there. Maybe..._

"No, it's not a game. Not at all." Michiru gulped and looked at Haruka standing before her. Looking questioningly and suspectingly at her. The rich girl turned her head and looked over to the sleeping girl. Breathing high and fast. Having difficulties to breathe.

_Maybe she is Sailor Uranus, maybe she isn't._

_I could leave like that. Simply like that. I could excuse myself; she already has her money. I could go to my car and drive home. I could keep searching in another area of Tokyo, maybe even in another town. I could forget about her. Maybe Sissy and I are able to find the talismans on our own? Sissy is a very powerful senshi and I am also not weak!_

But one look at the little girl told Michiru that she couldn't leave like that. She had seen little Hotaru and the moment she had seen her she had lost her heart. She loved this little girl. Maybe it was impossible, maybe it sounded crazy, but she couldn't leave, knowing that this little baby would die soon if she wouldn't get quick help. Haruka couldn't only afford the operation, she also didn't know the right doctors. She couldn't care for a child in the way a baby needed to be taken care of before and especially after an operation. This flat was too small. It was too dark. And in the following autumn and winter it would surely be too cold. Haruka wouldn't have enough time to take care of little Hotaru when she found another job. When she found another job.

_I could simply go like that._

_It isn't proven that Haruka is Sailor Uranus._

_But I can't._

_I can't let them both alone._

Michiru stepped a little bit closer to the bed and bowed over the baby. Hotaru smiled in her dreams and her little hands reached out for something. Maybe she saw her mother in her dreams. Michiru lowered her hands and tears burned in her eyes as a tiny hand closed around her thumb.

_She deserves a seconds chance._

_We all deserve it._

"It is surely not a game, Haruka." She whispered and made her decision. Quickly, she wiped her tears away and turned towards the tall blonde who had watched her the entire time while she was so close to her daughter.

"But before we talk about the business, let's eat something. I am almost starved. Did you have any lunch today?"

Haruka's growling stomach answered her.

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It was a good place. The waitress was always friendly, the meals delicious and ample. You never left the restaurant hungry. It wasn't the Ritz, but it was a nice restaurant. Michiru often came here after school when she had some minutes between her lessons and her rehearsals.

Haruka looked around while she had wrapped her arms carefully around her chest. Little Hotaru slept there, being carefully wrapped into an old cloth. Michiru had often seen young women carrying their children that way these days. Near her school was the university and some students were mothers. They brought their children with them to their lectures and it didn't seem to harm the little children. At least Hotaru looked satisfied.

"Meioh-san, it's an honour for me!" The little cook came over to her and bowed before her. He had been born in Italy and his Japanese had a thick accent, but she liked him. The same way she liked his noodles.

"Konnichi-wa, Tony-sama." She bowed, too. "My friend and I are hungry. Do you still have a place for us?"

"For you there's always a table left." Tony smiled all over his face and led them to a quieter part of the restaurant. "My cousin is celebrating his fiftieth birthday so it's a little bit noisy right now. But here it's quiet enough for this little angel to sleep." He looked at Hotaru and his smile grew even wider.

"It's a girl, right?"

"Hai." Michiru smiled back. "You always know that, right, Tony?"

"Well, I have eight children myself. Four boys and four girls. I always knew the gender long before the doctors could tell us." Tony cleaned the table and let them sit down. "How many children do you want?"

Haruka went pale, but the Italian cook didn't even notice her reaction.

"Oh, don't worry, you have enough time to decide that. You are still young, lady. But as I always say, at least four children. Under four children life is boring." He grinned and petted friendly her shoulder. Then he gave them the card and went back to take care of his cousin and some other guests. He knew that Michiru would signal him when she and her friend knew which meal they wanted to take.

_Lady._

_He called me a lady._

Haruka shortly looked at the card but wasn't interested in it. Certainly, she was hungry, but she couldn't read the Italian words that looked so different from the Japanese signs. On the other hand, she didn't want to let her daughter go. Therefore, she simply sat down on her chair and held her daughter who slept near her body. Hotaru had drank enough to sleep for the next hours. And even if she would awake and start to cry, she didn't cry as loud as normal babies did. As healthy babies did.

Haruka quickly glanced at Michiru reading some lines and finally laying the card away.

_I am not a lady._

_But she is._

"Did you already decide what you want? I can tell you, the _lasagne_ is simply delicious." Michiru smiled friendly, but her hands played nervously with her napkin. Soon, the swan didn't look like a swan any longer, but like a plucked, unhappy duckling. "I'll invite you, okay?"

"I'll take whatever you want." marbled Haruka, again looking at her sleeping daughter. She didn't want to admit that she couldn't read that language. That she didn't even know what _lasagne_ was. The last time that she had had a proper, a warm meal in a restaurant... that had been long ago. She couldn't remember exactly the date nor the circumstances. Honestly, she didn't really want to remember them.

_I had been at McDonald's with Hikari..._

Haruka sighed slightly and held Hotaru automatically tighter.

Whatever _lasagne_ was, it was a warm meal. It was free. It was alike how it tasted, she would eat it. She didn't know when she would get such a meal again.

"Tony's _lasagne_ is fantastic, Haruka. You will like it." Michiru quickly waved at the Italian cook and nodded. He didn't even return to their table; he understood her without many words. The rich girl was one of his best customers, and one of his friendliest. She always wanted to sit in a quiet corner. Mostly she came alone with a thick book full of notes and complicate melodies he didn't understand. She always told him how great his meals were, gave him a big tip and had never ever caused any trouble.

If she would have wanted to have a sandwich with chocolate and cucumber, he would have made it for her at the very instant.

"It might sound crazy, Haruka, but me and my sister, we're on a mission." started Michiru after they got their drinks. Two hot teas with milk. The tall woman stared at it and finally closed her hands around it. Her fingers were suddenly ice cold. Nothing could be crazy anymore for her. Nothing could sound strange. Not after all the madness she had seen during the past two years. Not after her childhood had ended so suddenly in only one night.

"One day a person in a shinning light appeared and told us to search for three talismans that will lead us to a grail. To a golden grail with which we are able to rescue the world." Michiru gulped and spooned more sugar in her tea than usual, but at least her trembling hands had something to do.

"Don't think that I am nuts, Haruka, but it's up to us to find those talismans. To save the world. We, that are my sister, me and... and you. There are four outer senshi, you are the third one."

Haruka only raised her eyebrow as Michiru's voice shook even more. She didn't think that the rich girl was nuts. Maybe what she told her or at least tried to tell her during the past three hours sounded strange, but she was definitely not nuts. Maybe it was a kind of a new religion. Or it was a game they played among the rich people today and she needed someone to find those talismans to win the game. To win another horse or another car or a vacation to the Great Wall of China.

"There are youmas who want to have those talismans, too. They are monsters and we have to fight against them, too. Sissy and I did our best during the past months, but we are too weak alone. We need you, Haruka. I've seen it, you are the third senshi. You have to help us. To rescue the world!" Michiru emptied the sugar box and knew that she wouldn't drink a single gulp. The sugar didn't even dissolve any longer on the bottom of the hot glass. "Boy, this really sounds mad. I _know_ it sounds mad, Haruka. I wasn't able to believe it before I hadn't see it with my own eyes. Before I hadn't transform myself. Before I hadn't held a pure heart crystal in those very hands." She looked at them and gulped. Suddenly, she felt dirty. Of course she could save all those people, because they didn't own the talismans, but she knew that the person who owned them would die. In order to get the talismans they had to destroy the pure heart crystal and therefore the pure soul, the life of that person, as well. Michiru decided to tell Haruka that truth later. First, she had to understand that it was her destiny to fight. The blonde had to accept her fate and to come with her. Later on she could confront her with the rest of the bitter truth. Later, when there was no chance left to escape.

Michiru knew that it was unfair what she did, but it was the only way. They had fought one week ago against an especially powerful youma and they had almost lost. She had been lucky and all she got had been a bad headache. Her sister hadn't that lucky. She had injured her right leg and had needed a crutch to walk for almost an entire week. The youma could be too powerful for them and kill them during the next fight.

"Please, Haruka, we need you." Michiru's voice was very silent and she put the sugar box finally away. She looked up as she heard Haruka coughing. The tall blonde still held her glass in her hands and coughed. Obviously, she hadn't thought of the tea  
s steaming heat or had drank too greedily.

_She needs me?_

_Anyone needs me?_

As a first reaction, Haruka almost wanted to laugh. To declare that this had to be a bad joke. That she didn't believe in those words. No one had ever needed her. No one except Hotaru who had no other choice. However, as she looked into deep blue eyes she knew that every single word the rich girl had spoken was true. At least for her.

"But..." Haruka gulped, but was interrupted as Tony brought them their meals. They were very hot and still steamed. Haruka's _lasagne_ was covered with a red sauce and with cheese, Michiru's with a yellow sauce and without any cheese.

"What are you eating?" asked the tall blonde, almost forgetting what she had actually wanted to say.

"That's my special _lasagne_. Only for Meioh-san. It's a special sauce with a lot of mustard." Tony smiled proudly and enlightened the candle standing between them on the table. "I know what my best guest wants." He bowed slightly, then he returned to his other guests.

_Mustard_?

Haruka stared with mixed feelings at Michiru's plate, but didn't say a word. It sounded not very delicious, but she got a different meal that smelled fantastic. On the other hand, she wouldn't blame anyone for any taste. It was not up to her to judge over the rich girl. If she liked noodles in a mustard sauce, then she should eat it.

_Hikari liked tomatoes. Fresh tomatoes. _

However, they seldom have had the money to buy some. Often, they stole it. During that long, cold and rainy summer. Before Hikari died...

"Please, Haruka!" Michiru held the fork in her hands, but it didn't look as if she would start to eat. Self-consciously, she looked at the tall blonde who still stroked over fluffy dark hair.

For a moment there was silence between them. The candle burned between them in peace. It seemed to be the only light in a world that turned into total darkness around them. It was the only moving point in a world that seemed to stop living. It was the only thing that looked comforting in a world that was filled with sadness, cruelty and hate.

Finally, the tall blonde interrupted the silence she couldn't bear any longer. Not since an always chatting, always exciting friend had left her forever.

"Even if there are such youmas and even if you can find such talismans, I am not sure if I am such a big help for you. I mean..." Haruka blushed as she raised her arms a little bit. "I used to be the best at sport, but my conditions aren't the best any longer. I am not very strong..."

"But you've defeated those guys! That was very good!"

"That was before Hotaru's birth. And..." Haruka lowered her head and stared at her daughter. "I don't have the time to search with you and... and your sister to find those talismans. I need to find a job and to earn enough money to go to a good hospital. I simply don't have the time." She smiled sadly as Hotaru yawned, but kept sleeping. "I am the wrong person to call for help, Michiru."

"But you are Sailor Uranus. There's no one else I could ask!"

"I don't think that I am the person you mentioned, this Uranus."

"But I've seen the sign on your forehead. You are a Sailor senshi. A warrior with supernatural powers to rescue the world."

"I know that I don't have any supernatural powers." answered Haruka and her voice was icy. "Otherwise I would fly away."

Michiru looked at her for some moments in total disbelieve and then started to laugh. It was a silent laughter, but she couldn't stop it. It didn't sound funny or even happy. It only sounded sad, very sad. Tears burned in her eyes and soon ran over her cheeks. She couldn't fly either. She wasn't a superman. Sometimes, she wanted to be such a super hero. Even if it meant to wear red tights and look like a total idiot. Then a lot of her problems could be solved more easily.

Then she could rescue the world and start being a normal girl again. Or at least, start being Meioh Michiru again. The famous, talented violinist.

"No, no, not such super heroes. It's just that we can use the power of our guardian planet to fight against those youmas. We are the only ones who can do that." she giggled finally, wiping her tears away. "Don't worry, you don't have to wear a costume like Superman or Batman."

"How nice."

"You only have to wear a short skirt." Michiru blinked and laughed again. She hated her dress. Oh, how she hated it. It was too short and whenever she tried to fight it was in her way, but couldn't change while she was transformed.

Haruka made suddenly such a terrified face that Michiru's laughter changed. Now it sounded slightly happy, because it would have been the picture of her life if Michiru would have had a camera to take it.

"How _nice_." Haruka's tone of voice was now clearly not amused.

Suddenly, from one second to the next, Michiru became serious again. Very serious.

"Listen, Haruka. I know how it sounds. I was the same confused as you two years ago when I got to know it. But once you have transformed you will understand it. Just trust me." She laid her fork away and tried to reach for the blonde's hand, but Haruka jerked away and Michiru knew that the tall girl didn't trust her. That she probably would never trust her. Not her nor anyone else.

"Let's make a deal, Haruka. You'll come with me and fight with me and my sister against those youmas to find the talismans..." Michiru took a deep breath and tried to look directly into green eyes, but Haruka stared determinedly at her little daughter. "... and I'll pay the operation for Hotaru. I'll take care that she gets the best doctor Japan has. Money doesn't play a role for me." Michiru shivered as Haruka raised her head quickly. Green eyes were wide. Wide with disbelieve. With confusion. And, what made Michiru's heart almost break, with fearful hope. Hope that surely had been broken so often before.

"I mean it, Haruka. Come with me and I'll pay everything Hotaru's healing will cost. I'll help your daughter and you'll help us. Does it sound fair to you?"

Michiru knew what she had said. She had seen the love on a pale face, had seen the sadness there when Haruka told her about her daughter's illness. When she had told her that only an operation could save little Hotaru's life. An operation she couldn't afford.

"Say hai."

Michiru felt like a devil. It was an offer Haruka couldn't reject since it meant everything to her. To her daughter. Yes, it wasn't fair. It was fucking unfair. The tall blonde didn't know what a Sailor senshi was, nor did she know how such a fight looked like. But Michiru had searched for her during the past seven months; she wouldn't let her go again. Not now and never again. They needed her, even if Haruka didn't know that yet; even if she couldn't understand all the strange things she had already told her. Michiru knew that it was for the best: the best for them, for their mission. As it was the best shot for the little girl and probably for its mother. The rich girl had seen the flat, had seen the block and the dirty street. She had seen Haruka's bony body and the tiredness in her eyes.

_It's the worst offer I've ever made in my entire life, but it's the only one I can make._

Because somehow Michiru had the feeling that Haruka would otherwise never voluntarily agree. She didn't trust her and probably she never would, but if she offered her to take care of her daughter's healing, Haruka would probably do as she was told. At least she would take the stick again and face her destiny – and fully understand. The same way Michiru and her sister had understood their fates during their first transformation to Sailor Neptune and Sailor Pluto.

"Haruka?"

_What shall I do?_

Haruka gulped, again staring at her sleeping daughter. Being so near to her body. She could feel the tiny heart beat next to her low one.

_Hime-chan..._

_What shall I do?_

_To be a Sailor senshi, what does it mean? To go with her, what does it mean for her? What does she expect me to do? What shall I do for her? How shall I fight? With a sword? With a bow? With my bare hands?_

_Himm-chan..._

She was responsible for the little child. Her child. The only light in her dark life. She had sworn to save that tiny life the day the doctors had told her the truth about the illness.

_This girl is very rich. Certainly, she knows the right doctors or at least the right people who know the right doctors. Certainly, she can help Hime-chan. Certainly..._

_Just shut up and say hai, okay? Hime-chan is the most important person in your life. You would do anything to save her, right? To see her growing up. To see her laughing. To see her being happy. And one day, maybe one day to see her as a young lady. A young lady you will never be. Right?_

_Right?_

_Right?_

_Right?_

_Hai, you are so damn right!_

Haruka raised her head again and looked at Michiru's expectant face. There was an insecure smile on soft lips and a trembling hand curled some strands around skilled looking fingers.

"Haruka?"

"Is that your seriousness?" whispered the tall blonde and gulped. Michiru watched her for a moment, then she nodded.

"I've never broken a promise, Haruka. I'll do whatever's in my might to help your daughter."

Haruka took a deep breath.

_I let myself being sold. Just like a pet or like Hikari..._

_But it's for your daughter. And this Meioh Michiru looks nice. Maybe she is crazy and stubborn and spoiled, but she doesn't look as if she would ever hurt you. Really hurt you. And as long as she really helps Hime-chan... she is worth any pain, right?_

_Right!_

_So I let myself being sold._

_One million yen! You aren't worth that sum, you know that?! Just say hai. It's the chance of your life. And Hime-chan's only one._

Haruka gulped and her icy hands stroked carefully over fluffy dark hair. A tiny, a warm hand grabbed for her thumb to hold it tight. With the weak power only a small child owned.

_No matter what will happen, I'll do it for you, my little darling._

"Okay. As long as you help my daughter, I'll do whatever you want."

Michiru blinked as she heard the cold voice. As she saw the icy look in dark green eyes. Did she see hate there? Or disgust? Or pride? Unbreakable pride? She couldn't define those feelings in stormy green eyes. Nevertheless, she had achieved what she had wanted: Haruka would take the stick, she would transform, face her destiny and fight with them. And besides, they could save a little girl's life. Wasn't it wonderful?

_And why do I feel so sick, then?_

Michiru nodded and took her fork.

"It's a deal." She paused when Haruka didn't respond anything, only holding her daughter gently tight, staring at her slowly cooling meal. "Then let's eat." said Michiru loudly, trying to ignore the feeling of uneasiness that spread between them. "Before it's cold."

This time, however, it simply didn't taste.

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**Author's corner:**

Wow! There are quite a lot of grammar/spelling mistakes in this story O.O. I needed almost the entire Friday to only correct the first 35 pages of the story. I hope it's easier to read than the 2002 version which I still had on my computer (and which, originally, was uploaded on At least to my ears it sounds much better this way (so many mistakes in context hides under her desk).

I hope you have fun reading this story and I hope it's not too confusing. I always like to hint many things and to give the answers to many rising questions later in the story. Here, it is obviously Haruka's past and don't worry, you'll get to know her better as the story proceeds. I hope that the theme is not too dark.

Since the story has over 250 pages and each chapter is accordingly long, I'll split them up into readable sizes of about 20-25 pages.

Oh… shuffles with her feet embarrassed on the ground comments coughes are more than welcomed .

Have a nice Christmas time .

April

**Next update (Chapter 1 – Part 2):**

Michiru takes Haruka and little Hotaru home and you'll get to know more of her crazy family: Orpheus and Michiru's big sister, Setsuna.


	3. Chapter 1: A blessing or a curse 2

The house was built near the beach on a little hill. There were no other houses around, Tokyo was ten miles away. You couldn't even see the lights of the huge skyscrapers here. All you could see was the moon shinning from a cloudless sky and all you could hear were the near sea's waves breaking against the surf. The bending road was small and ended near the house. A big house. Haruka could see the water of a swimming pool sparkling behind half closed windows and a big terrace surrounded by old trees. There was even a big garden and the blonde could see some sun flowers, having their blossoms closed for the night. Where the garden ended, a partly sandy, partly rocky beach began. Hardly a hundred meters below the endless sea waved both forceful and gently back and forth. It was a peaceful place. Haruka was sure that the house had cost a fortune a long time ago. It wasn't as big as the block the blonde lived in, but Haruka was certain that only a few people lived here.

_She is really rich._

Haruka stroked again over fluffy dark hair and watched her daughter sleep. The little girl hadn't woken up during the past hours. The Italian restaurant had been nice and calm. The violin music that played in the car's radio seemed to lull her into lovely baby dreams, as well. A tiny smile laid on her now slightly redden face. She almost looked like a healthy baby. Almost...

Michiru parked the silver Ferrari on a big drive. Quickly, she glanced at her watch. It was past eight now. They had spent more time at the Italian restaurant than she had intended them to. Tony's cousin was very happy and invited them to a big ice cream. Of course they couldn't decline. Haruka felt now like a walrus as she left the car and followed Michiru over to the entrance door. She couldn't remember the last time when she had ate so much and now her stomach seemed to be filled with stones. Stomach space consuming, but very delicious stones.

Afterwards they were trapped in a big traffic jam and could watch the sun setting between the skyscrapers. Now it was dark night, but Michiru was sure that her sister wasn't asleep yet. Normally, she didn't got to bed before midnight. Michiru often called her sister a night owl and she never disagreed.

Haruka looked around with mixed feelings. Michiru told her that she would live here for the next time until Hotaru would be healthy again, until they would have found the talismans, whatever those talismans were. The blonde still didn't understand the rich girl, but she kept silent. Michiru was right, she couldn't live in that small flat any longer. It wasn't good for Hotaru. Just like Michiru had told her that she wouldn't have to go back to the petrol station. She didn't have to work any longer, the rich girl had enough money. Besides, she wouldn't have the time any longer to work when they fought against youmas and searched for the talismans.

Still it all seemed to be like a dream. The entrance door was made of solid glass and looked incredibly expensive. The door knob sparkled golden. Michiru tipped a code into a small pat and the door opened with a high noise.

"That's our alarm system. Sissy invented it. I'll give you the code later, it's hard to remember. She used fifteen different numbers and letters." Michiru opened the door and let her guest in. The third senshi she had finally found. Somehow it touched her. Finally, this search, all the doubts were over. She had finally found her, they didn't have to fight alone any longer. Certainly, it all would become easier from now on.

However, before she could say anything, she was pushed onto the soft carpet. A big animal stood over her, two strong paws were put on her shoulders. A wet tongue stroked her face.

"No, Orpheus! Get down from me!" she laughed and petted the dog behind the ears. He belonged to her sister and was big, clumsy St. Bernhard dog with a big heart. He loved her passionately and too often he showed his faithful feelings in a very excited, wet way. Orpheus simply couldn't behave. He always had to jump up at her and mostly he knocked her down with his weight.

Haruka watched them in silence and wrapped her arms protectively before her sleeping daughter. She wasn't afraid of him. When she had been young she had had a dog on her own. She liked pets a lot, but she didn't know this dog. She would rather let this big St. Bernhard dog bit into her arms than harming little Hotaru.

"Orpheus! Behave! What shall our guest think of you?" Michiru could finally free herself. Or at least, the dog simply trotted away from her and came curiously sniffing over to the tall blonde. His big, brown eyes watched her sceptically and his wet nose stroked the skin of Haruka's arms. The tall girl didn't react. She only stood there watching him. Looking into his pleading eyes and remembering her own dog she had loved so much. Until he got older and older and didn't awake again one day.

"Hey, you big one. Nice to meet you." She whispered finally and smiled as he started to wag his tail. The dog whimpered excitedly and a rough tongue replaced his wet nose. "You are called Orpheus, right? Then you must be a boy."

"Hai, a very stubborn and very, very clumsy boy." panted Michiru as she tried to pull the dog away. But Orpheus didn't move and obviously didn't care. The big dog wanted to get to know that nice smelling person better. That someone pulled powerfully at his collar didn't matter. Not at all.

"Orpheus! Go to your blanket! Orpheus! Can't you behave? Just once?" gasped Michiru and tried to take the big dog in her arms. Orpheus jerked around and looked reproachfully at her. Just three days ago Michiru had tried that, too. To get the big dog into their bath to clean his dirtied fur. They both had landed in the warm water together and Orpheus had splashed the entire bathroom.

"That's the way you've raised him, Michi." A person came downstairs and the dog finally gave up and trotted over to her. As the light was switched on Haruka could see a tall young woman. She seemed to be twenty, maybe a little bit older. Her long, dark green hair was braided to a plaid. She wore a dark bathrobe and was barefoot. Obviously, she had just left her bath. Friendly, she petted the dog on his back while she watched Haruka thoughtfully.

"It's late, Michi." She crossed her arms before her chest and looked a little bit concerned. "Your teacher called me up. You skipped school today, didn't you?"

"It was only sport." Pouted Michiru and changed her shoes. "Bloody athletics. Always to run around and around and around. That's boring." For one tiny moment, the smaller girl looked like a little, sulking child. Then, her face brightened up. "Besides, I've found her." She pointed at Haruka and grabbed her arm to pull her with her. Haruka followed her without any defence. Well, it wouldn't have made any difference, would've it?

"That's the reincarnation of Sailor Uranus, Sissy. That's Tenô Haruka." Smiled Michiru proudly. "I've finally found her. That's worth skipping some bloody sport lessons, isn't it?"

The tall woman only sighed.

"I told your teacher that you felt ill and that you went home to lay down." She shrugged her shoulders, still staring at the tall girl. She had the strange feeling of knowing her from somewhere, but at the same time she was a total stranger.

_Is she really the third senshi?_

_Is Michi right or is it only her wishful thinking and therefore she brought the first woman she found home?_

_She doesn't look like a senshi._

Dark green eyes reflected her look and a pale face looked very serious.

_But she does look like a fighter._

"I am Meioh Setsuna." Introduced the tall woman herself and bowed slightly. "I am the big, bad sister of that spoiled brat."

"Say that again!"

"Spoiled brat."

"Arg! You aren't any better!"

"I've never said that."

Haruka smiled as they both argued. In a nice way. A friendly way Haruka would have never thought the rich girl being capable of. Michiru had looked so distant the entire afternoon. So cold. So determined to complete her mission, whatever that was. She had offered her a dangerous sounding deal and had even been prepared to waste so much money just to find some bloody talismans. She had shouted at all the drivers around them in their lazy cars and had said clearly what she wanted Haruka to be, or at least, to do during the following weeks and months. She hadn't accepted any resistance nor refusal as she had told her to live with her in her big house. In one of the guest rooms. She had called someone up with her phone and had yelled at him as he didn't agree. Michiru was a strange girl. She was cold and made no compromise.

Nevertheless, at the same time she seemingly liked her dog and teased her bigger sister around. Haruka assumed that it would take her a long time until she would understand Meioh Michiru. If she would ever be able to understand her at all.

"Let's stop this here." Setsuna smiled as she saw the confused look on the tall girl's face and went over to the kitchen. "Let's make a tea first and talk a little bit, okay?"

At that moment Hotaru awoke. She blinked into the light and started to whimper. She neither knew her unfamiliar surroundings nor the unknown people talking quite loudly. Okay, her mother was right beside her, but she felt suddenly very frightened. And hungry.

"Oh... we didn't take..."

"I took the bottle with me. I just need something to warm it up." Haruka opened the cloth and rocked her daughter comfortingly. Two little fists were clenched weakly and some tears ran over a blushed face. A face that was normally white. Dark green eyes looked angrily around and the whimpering increased.

"No problem. Sissy..."

Setsuna froze in motion and turned slowly around. Her dark eyes grew wide as she stared at the small child in disbelieve.

"Who is that?" she asked confused and came a little bit nearer. The little girl turned her tiny head and small fists reached out for the long plaid. Soon Hotaru held dark green strands in her tiny fingers and a smile bloomed on her still tear wetted face.

"Those strands are better than mine, aren't they?" whispered Haruka and gave her a loving kiss on her tiny forehead. Hotaru didn't even notice; she was too occupied with long strands that moved whenever she pulled them.

"Who is that?"

"That's Tenô Hotaru. She is my daughter." Answered Haruka and handled Michiru the still half full bottle. Shortly Setsuna and her smaller sister exchanged glances.

_But you said she is the third senshi!_

_Hai._

_How can she be a mother, then?_

_I don't know._

_No one told us that we have to handle a baby, as well._

_No, but no one told us not to handle a baby._

_Are you really sure that she is Sailor Uranus?_

_Hai!_

Michiru nodded determinedly before she went over to the kitchen to warm up Hotaru's meal. Setsuna looked at Haruka still cradling the little child and frowned.

_She looks too young to have a child._

But then she knew that she couldn't change it. If this girl was really Sailor Uranus, well, then she had to learn how to change nappies, hadn't she?

Dark green eyes stared at her and the little girl smiled at her. Still holding her hair tight.

At that moment the tall woman fell utterly and completely in love.

"May I call you Haruka?"

"Hai. Of course."

"May I hold her, Haruka?"

"Oh... well..." The tall blonde hesitated, but the other one didn't look angry or mad. Therefore, she handled Setsuna her daughter carefully. Hotaru laughed as soft arms welcomed her.

"My, you are a beautiful little girl, you know that?" whispered Setsuna and giggled as Hotaru started to chew on her strands. "Such a beautiful girl!"

_Beautiful and ill._

Haruka gulped, still holding her hands under Setsuna's arms. She didn't expect the tall woman to let the baby fall, but she wanted to be there if anything still happened. She had promised her daughter to always be there for her. She knew she would never break that promise. Only when she had to die some day. And not even then.

"How old is she?"

"Five months."

"Five months and already such a daredevil." Smiled Setsuna and rocked the baby very, very carefully. "She will break thousands of hearts when she's grown up."

_If she will grow up..._

"Hai."

Setsuna looked shortly up and saw the tiredness in the other one's face.

"What did my sister tell you?" she asked, feeling how tiny hands grabbed for her chin now. Those little fingers did hurt her a little bit, but Setsuna didn't care about it.

"Well, a lot I didn't understand." admitted Haruka and sighed deeply. "She said something about talismans and a mission and the destruction of the world." The tall blonde made a face, but didn't say another word. For Setsuna it was clear that she didn't believe in any word Michiru had told her.

"It will get clearer soon, Haruka." Smiled Setsuna.

"Really, Meioh-san?"

"Oh, please, call me Setsuna. I feel like an old granny when someone calls me differently."

"Sissy?" The scream echoed through the house and the tall blonde couldn't help but grin. "Haruka? Come! The milk is ready."

"Hai." Setsuna blushed slightly and turned around. Haruka followed her and her daughter at the very instant. "Please call me Setsuna. Sissy is a terrible name, but I can't stop her to call me this way."

"Good."

Two minutes later found Haruka sitting on the couch, feeding little Hotaru who laid in her arms. Again, the baby drank very, very slowly and Haruka held the bottle very, very carefully. It was the same procedure like the one Michiru had observed in the small flat and the tall blonde was again incredibly patient.

Michiru and Setsuna stood next to the couch and watched her, both thinking their own thoughts until the telephone rang and let them both wince.

"I'll take it." Michiru headed out of the room.

"I'll help you." Said Setsuna after some seconds and followed her.

Haruka was left alone, but she didn't mind. It was okay for her. Her daughter needed at least another ten minutes to drink and that gave her a little bit time to think, as well. And to wonder what would happen next.

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"Who is that girl?" asked Setsuna quietly, looking back to the open living-room's door. She held her sister back as Michiru reached for the phone.

"Michi, what did you do this time?"

"She is the reincarnation of Sailor Uranus." answered Michiru impatiently and fought for the receiver.

"Are you sure? I mean, look at her! She doesn't look like a senshi to me. She looks like a poor girl who did some mistakes in her life." Setsuna thought of the worn out pants and shivered. She didn't even wear such pants when she took care for their apples trees in late autumn.

"I've seen the sign on her forehead."

"Today?"

"No, last winter when she rescued me. I told you about this, right?"

Setsuna frowned and finally let Michiru pick up the phone. The tall woman scratched her left cheek absent-mindedly, still looking at the open door.

"She did beat down four guys? This girl?" Setsuna had seen the tiredness in Haruka's pale face. "She is the one you have been talking about the past months?"

"Hai..." Michiru rolled her eyes and then started to talk to the person on the other side of the phone. Of course it was her manager. Telling her that she shouldn't forget the rehearsal that would start in exactly one hour.

"Of course I'll come, Yamamodo-sama. I've never forgot... hai..." Michiru nodded and put the receiver back. Then she took a deep breath. "I need to go now, Sissy. It was Yamamodo-sama. I almost forgot about the rehearsal today. You know, I can't cancel it."

With those words she wanted to turn around, but Setsuna held her back.

"You brought this girl to us, just because you imagined to have seen the Uranus' sign on her forehead seven months ago? Look, Michi! She doesn't know anything. She just told me that your words confused her."

"We were the same confused, weren't we?"

"Hai..." Setsuna shook her head. For Michiru it was always so easy. She made her decision and expected that the whole world would cheer up. Since she had found out about their mission and the talismans it had gotten worse and worse. First Setsuna had thought that it had been simply Michiru's temper, but now she was really concerned. Michiru was almost obsessed to find those talismans and to rescue the world - thus to end all their nightmares. So obsessed that she forgot reality from time to time.

"Did you give her the henshin?"

"Hai..."

"And yet she doesn't understand?" Setsuna blinked as Michiru lowered her gaze.

"No..."

"She didn't transform, did she? Dammed, Michi, if she can't transform she's not the one we are searching for!"

"But I've seen the sign! Give her a little bit more time. Maybe she isn't prepared right now to transform!" Michiru sighed deeply. "She gave birth to a child and she takes medicine, Sissy. We were healthy when we first took our henshin. Maybe it's a protective mechanism that your body can only transform when it's really prepared to fight." The smaller girl looked pleadingly up to her sister. "Please, Sissy, give her a chance. I know that she's the one we are looking for. She only needs more time. Please..."

Setsuna squeezed friendly Michiru's shoulder.

"And if she isn't Sailor Uranus? What if you just imagined that sign on her forehead?"

"I didn't imagine that, Sissy. I am very sure that she's Sailor Uranus."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I feel it."

Michiru turned around to grab her violin and some of her music books.

"I'll be back later. Can you please show her one of the guest rooms? She will stay here."

"Here?" Setsuna's dark eyes grew wide. "But... you hardly know her!"

"Oh, don't worry, she won't steal our treasures. Not with your alarm system." Giggled Michiru and ran upstairs Setsuna heard several bangs before Michiru ran downstairs again, gasping hard for breath as she searched for some warm shoes and her jacket and already opened the door.

"What about her boyfriend? What about her parents? Won't they be concerned if she doesn't come home?" asked Setsuna, still very sceptical. For Michiru it was clear: this girl was Sailor Uranus and as a senshi she would stay here in order to make their combined fighting easier for them. Setsuna was a little bit more realistic. She wasn't sure if that girl sitting in their living room, feeding her daughter, was really the third outer senshi. She didn't know anything about this girl. About her past, about her family background. She didn't even know if Tenô Haruka was her real name. What if she was a criminal? What if her boyfriend would go crazy if she didn't return home soon? What if her parents would call the police in their desperate concern?

"Today, she showed me where she lives. It's not a home." Michiru's face was suddenly very, very sad. "She didn't mention any parents, but I am sure, no family would ever let their child live in such a dark flat." Suddenly tears sparkled in blue eyes. "Please, Sissy, just show her the room. I'll be back around midnight. Tomorrow everything will become clearer, okay?"

Setsuna took a deep breath and embraced her sister shortly.

"She remembers you of someone, doesn't she?"

"Hai..." Michiru gulped and wiped some tears away. "Ask her if she wants to call someone, then let her and her daughter sleep, okay?"

"Okay." Setsuna opened the door and watched her sister running out in the dark night. Soon, the engine started and then the silver Ferrari was gone.

For a long time the tall woman stayed there and stared out to the empty road. Wind played with her long hair and she shivered slightly. Summer was really over, autumn begun. What would follow would be a long and cold winter. She sensed it.

"Hope you know what you're doing, Michi."

The last light died away as she closed the big front door silently behind herself.

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Hotaru needed ten minutes to finish the bottle. Afterwards, she did her burp and fell asleep, feeling safe and secure in her mother's arms. Haruka felt tired, as well, but she didn't want to sleep. Not in an unfamiliar house, not on an unfamiliar couch. She didn't know if she was welcomed. Surely, Michiru had told her more than once to live here. It was better for Hotaru and it was easier for them to fight together. This way, they didn't have to call her and to wait for her when a youma suddenly appeared.

_A youma... what is a youma?_

Haruka did listen to Michiru's confusing words. She remembered them all. Still, they didn't make any sense at all. The longer she thought about them, the less she understood any of Michiru's problems concerning talismans, youmas and senshi.

_Her older sister didn't look very happy to see me._

The tall blonde sighed slightly and made herself a little bit more comfortable. She could hear the two sisters whispering outside. Excitedly. The phone stopped to ring and then someone hurried upstairs.

_But she seemed to like Hime-can._

Hai, everyone likes small children. Until they find out that she is different. That she needs more attention. That she won't grow up the normal way.

Haruka raised her head and looked around. It was a very expensive looking living room. There was a chimney opposite to her. Some photos stood on the rim. They showed Michiru in a nice blue dress, holding a violin proudly up to the sky, as well as Setsuna sitting in front of what looked like a big computer, waving happily with a screwdriver. There were other pictures of the two sisters. And a loving doggy. And a girl with screaming red hair.

_A friend?_

And one that showed them together with an older woman and an older man. They both had white hair that surely used to be sea or dark green. Obviously, they were Setsuna's and Michiru's parents.

I wish I had a such a picture of my parents...

Next to the chimney was a big TV set. Several tapes laid around and the tape recorder was opened. Haruka wondered for a brief second if it still worked, but let her thoughts continue to wander. She hadn't watched TV over the past years, she hadn't even missed it.

The big CD player seemed to be untouched. A huge shelf full of CDs stood right beside it. The entire room was covered with a soft, white carpet, probably hand made, probably as soft as the beige couch Haruka sat on. There were three other armchairs and a glass table in the middle. Pictures covered the walls. They all showed drawn beaches and seas or birds flying through the sky. Haruka had never understood art, she had always been bored during her art lessons at school. Nontheless, she liked those pictures. They looked so peaceful as if they were drawn with a deep, trusting, unconventional love. The tall blonde didn't doubt that they were originals.

Haruka turned her head when she felt observed with a sudden, and indeed, she wasn't alone any longer in the room. Orpheus stood next to the CD player and watched her in silence. Then the dog jumped into one of the armchairs, did a heavy sigh and was fast asleep.

A strange dog.

Haruka blinked and rocked her daughter who slept in her dreams. It looked as if the dog would have accepted her in this house. Or at least Orpheus saw that she wouldn't steal his food. Maybe the big St. Bernhard dog had sensed that she was full with delicious _lasagne_.

The talking died away outside the corridor and the entrance door was opened. Suddenly, it was very quiet in the house and Haruka struggled hard with her sleepy body. Her eyelashes got heavier and heavier and finally, the need to shut them was overwhelming. However, even in her tired state of body her thought didn't stop.

Now I am here. In her house. Together with her crazy dog and her strict looking sister. And now?

She wasn't sure what the future might hold. She didn't know anything about a Sailor Uranus. No one had told her before that she should be a senshi. Not even her parents when she had been small. They had always told her that she was their princess, their little darling, but a Sailor senshi? No, they had never mentioned something like that.

She bought me.

Haruka gulped and her head rolled to the right side as sleep overtook her.

With one million yens...

But whatever it meant to fight as a senshi, to live in Michiru's house, as long as the rich girl held her promise to pay Hotaru's operation, Haruka wouldn't complain.

Hime-chan...

Haruka only wished to see her daughter happy. To see her healthy. Running around, waving with her little arms. To catch frogs and butterflies. To play with other children and to laugh. To learn how to walk, how to run. How to swim. How to talk. Simply to learn that life could be great. Yes, Haruka would do everything in her might to give her daughter a happy, carefree childhood. To protect her when she would grow older. To always be there for her when she needed her later on. She wanted her daughter to fall in love some day. She wanted her to be happy. Simply happy.

Happy...

"Haruka?"

She needed some moments to open her heavy eyes, to realize where exactly she was, whose couch she had been sleeping on. Tiredly, she blinked and saw the chimney and the tall woman bowing over her, shaking slightly her shoulder to wake her up.

"Nani?" Haruka yawned and felt how her daughter grabbed her pullover tighter. The little girl felt comfortable with her, but it was late in the evening; she needed to go to bed.

"You fell asleep. Had been a long day, hadn't it?" Setsuna showed Orpheus to keep sleeping as she walked over to the door. "Michiru has a rehearsal. She told me to show you to your room." Setsuna mentioned the blonde to follow her with a small wave of her hand. Haruka looked quickly around, then she followed her.

"Don't you have any luggage with you?"

"No..." Haruka held her daughter tighter as she walked upstairs, right behind the tall woman.

"Okay, you can have one of my pyjamas. They should fit," decided Setsuna and walked past some doors. There were pictures on the walls of the corridor, as well. Drawn pictures: showing the mountains, a small lake at dawn, a dolphin dancing on the waves. "These are Michiru's rooms. I live downstairs. If you have any problem, don't hesitate to call me." Setsuna quickly turned around and watched Haruka observing the pictures and evading one of the palm trees standing there next to the wooden doors. "I might be a little bit sceptical that you are Sailor Uranus, but I am not a monster."

"Oh... you are not the only one who's sceptical." Whispered Haruka sarcastically and wiped away a big palm leaf.

"Then, why did you come with my sister?" Setsuna opened the door and entered the room.

"Because she asked me to," was all Haruka answered. She would tell no one about the absurd contract she and Michiru had made. Maybe Michiru only wanted her to be that senshi and to fight against youmas. Maybe she wanted more. Whatever the case, it was certainly not the tall woman's business. She looked strict and Haruka had the slight feeling that Setsuna didn't like her a lot. Or at least, didn't trust her at all.

_Isn't that normal? You don't trust her, too. Right?_

_Hai..._

Haruka's jaw dropped as she entered the room. It was bigger than her entire flat. Even the big bed, standing in front of a huge window, seemed to be bigger than her entire flat. There was a desk on the wall, next to a big wardrobe. Even here hung a picture. It showed an old tree being moved by wild wind. Haruka could almost feel its strength. Almost she could hear the coloured leaves swirling through the air.

Whoever drew those pictures, he or she must be a genius.

"Here's the bathroom." Setsuna opened a small door and Haruka blinked as she saw all the white marble. There was a shower _and_ a bath tub. More than the bathroom contained she had had to share with thirty other people in her gray cement block. "Take a hot shower before you go to bed, Haruka, you look frozen. Autumn is coming, you should wear your warm jacket now. That's what I always tell Michi, but she never listens, too."

What warm jacket? I don't have one...

Yet Haruka nodded silently and laid her daughter carefully on the blanket.

"We don't have a cradle. I hope it's okay this way."

"Oh, don't worry, she's used to the bed. I don't have a cradle, either," answered Haruka and kissed a tiny forehead before she covered her daughter with the soft blanket.

"And nappies?" Setsuna looked suddenly very worried. "We've never had a baby before in our house. That's why we don't have baby mush nor nappies. Nothing..."

"Oh, it's okay. I still have some. And Hotaru is satisfied with milk." Haruka turned around and shrugged her shoulders. "It's a little bit of a crazy situation, isn't it?"

Setsuna took a deep breath and threw her long plait over her right shoulder.

"It is, but the whole mission is crazy. I mean, I've searched for the talismans for a long time now and it's not since yesterday that I've known who I am, but still it sounds unreal sometimes." Now she was the one shrugging her shoulders.

"It is rude from me to intrude in your personal life, Setsuna. This is your house and I should be at home, getting myself ready for work." Haruka glanced at her old watch and shook her head. It was already too late, she would never make it to the night shift. Her boss would search for a new car washer from tomorrow on.

"I have no idea where you should be or what you should do, but this is not my decision, Haruka. My sister decided that you are this Sailor Uranus and she brought you home." Setsuna turned around and searched in the big wardrobe for something. When she stood again in front of Haruka, she held dark pyjamas in her hands.

"I don't know who you are, Haruka. I don't know what kind of a person you are. I don't know if I can trust you." Setsuna pushed the pyjamas into trembling hands. Haruka was silent for a moment. The pyjamas were soft, incredibly soft. Suddenly, she knew that she wouldn't freeze in it.

_What kind of a person?_

_You don't want to know who I am. Who I really am. Even if I am that third Sailor senshi, I am also a criminal. The scum of the world. It's better not to get to know me better, Setsuna._

"I don't know anything about you, but I guess it's fair, isn't it? You don't know anything about Michi or me, either, do you?" Suddenly, Setsuna smiled. "Take a shower and go to bed, Haruka. Let's begin tomorrow and try to make the best out of it."

Haruka held the pyjamas tighter and nodded. Now, she had to smile, as well.

"Hai. Arigato."

Setsuna who had just opened the door again to leave Haruka her privacy froze. She didn't know why, but she sensed that the blonde hardly thanked for anything. The tall woman turned around and looked from the little girl sleeping deep and tight under the blanket to her mother. A thin young woman in worn out clothes.

"Wait before you thank me for anything. When you survived the first month with us crazy girls, then you can thank, not us, but your god that you are still alive." She teased and winked. "Oh... if you want to call someone up. Maybe your boyfriend or your family..."

Haruka only shook her head and turned around to change. She didn't say a word. She didn't have to. Setsuna understood her reaction.

"Then I wish you a good night."

"Good night, Setsuna."

Haruka went on her knees as the door closed silently. Staring for a long time thoughtfully at the warm pyjamas in her shaking hands.

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It was past midnight as Michiru finally returned. She put the bags on the kitchen's table and started to fill the fridge. She didn't know what Hotaru ate for breakfast, therefore she simply bought different mashes and special baby milk at the all-night-supermarket near the opera house where her rehearsal had taken place.

Tomorrow we need to buy more.

Michiru looked tiredly into the fridge and served herself an orange juice. It was a big fridge. Normally, it was never really filled, but now that they were four people a lot would change. Not only the content of their fridge. They needed baby clothes, baby furniture and a lot more. Michiru didn't want to think of all the doctor's appointments they would have to join during the coming months. Surely, they needed Sailor Uranus to save the world, but to take care of a small child... It sounded so easy, so clear as she had had that idea in the afternoon. As she had forced Haruka with that promise to follow her. To come with her and to take over her tasks as the third Sailor senshi. Michiru knew that she would hold that promise no matter what. The little girl had already conquered her heart. Still, she didn't know what a heart operation meant for the little girl. For all of them.

Sissy was right. I didn't think it over before I reacted. I always have to run with my head right through the wall and think too late that it might hurt.

Michiru closed the fridge, took her violin case and went silently upstairs. She didn't know if her sister was still awake, besides, she was too tired to talk seriously to her. She would do that later. Tomorrow. After school. Or in the evening.

A lot will change.

Michiru stopped at the wooden door and glanced thoughtfully at the guest room she had planned to be Sailor Uranus' one day.

But that doesn't mean that it will get worse.

Michiru gulped and held her violin case tighter.

_She has a daughter._

_Surely she had a boyfriend._

_She can't be my soul mate. No matter what the stars tell me. Hai, she can fight against the youmas and search the talismans with us, but she can't be what I want her to be. Can she?_

Michiru sighed worn out and finally entered her own rooms.

We will see. As always. Time will tell us if it was the right decision or if I had been totally wrong.

Michiru put her violin case down and stepped out of her balcony. Cold wind played with her sea green hair as she looked up to the sky, watching all the stars sparkling there.

_I just have to believe that it all has a reason. I am not allowed to let down my hope._

_And if she's not Sailor Uranus? You know what you promised her._

_Well, if she's not Sailor Uranus, then she's someone who still needs our help. Who obviously needs the money to save her little daughter. Who surely needs somewhere to stay._

_Are you sure that she deserves your sympathy?_

_She won't want to have my love._

_But sympathy?_

_Call it what you want! Everyone deserves a second chance, right? Right?_

_But you don't know what she has done to have a child at such a young age. To live in such a dirty block in the slums. To lose a job that's not very hard to do. Everyone can wash cars, what was so difficult about it that she got fired?_

_Shut up!_

_Just shut up, okay?_

Michiru sighed deeply and covered her burning face with her icy hands.

"She IS Sailor Uranus. I feel it." She took a deep breath. It almost sounded like a sob. "And she deserves a second chance. The same way I deserved it. Right?"

But no one answered this time.

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The monitor flickered in front of her. Her hands flew skilfully over the keyboard and the text changed. She opened several new windows and typed in several complicated passwords.

_This is crazy!_

Setsuna leaned back in her chair and put away the glasses she wore whenever she worked with her computers. She rubbed her tired eyes and let out a deep breath.

_This is so damn crazy!_

Again she tried hard to concentrate on the programme she had developed for a computer firm, but today she simply couldn't think of anything else than the young woman sleeping just one floor above, together with her little daughter.

Such a beautiful, little girl.

"Kawaii..." whispered Setsuna and her hands flew again over the keyboard. Just to pause for another time. Again she saw the little girl drink. Again she felt how tiny hands grabbed for her strands to pull at them softly. Again she felt the little girl lying so trustfully in her arms.

"Kawai... simply kawaii..." Setsuna turned her head and stared out of the window. Into the dark night outside. The widow was opened a bit and she could hear the rushes of the near sea.

"She doesn't even have a teddy bear," marbled the tall woman and frowned. "Every little baby should have an own teddy bear."

Setsuna didn't know what she should think of Haruka. Just like she didn't know what to think of her sister's crazy idea to bring a total stranger to their home. A girl they weren't even sure to be Sailor Uranus. She didn't know how this all would develop, how it would end one day. The same way she didn't know how they should find the talismans and how they should rescue the world once they would have found them.

Be that as it may, she knew one thing: she knew that they would go shopping tomorrow. When Michiru would come home from school. Shopping for baby things.

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It was almost dawn when she woke up. As always Hotaru was hungry and whimpered to get her attention. As always Haruka got up to find something to eat for her daughter. As always she was sad that Hotaru couldn't scream as other babies surely did.

"It's okay, honey. We'll go to the kitchen and see if there's nice milk for you, okay?" whispered the blonde and pulled her old pullover over her pyjamas. She couldn't remember a single time when she had slept that well during the past months. The blankets had kept her warm and the mattress was wonderfully soft. Even Hotaru looked a little bit better, a little bit more refreshed than on any other normal morning.

Quickly, Haruka brushed her messed hair with her fingers, then she took her daughter into her arms. For a moment she froze and looked out of the window. It was a huge window and it was clean. And it wasn't broken. The little window in her flat had been broken and you could hardly look outside. Here she could look outside and she liked what she saw. It was a fantastic view over to the near ocean. The first rays of light covered the horizon and let it shine in a dark red light. It was so wonderful, so peaceful, it made Haruka shiver. Carefully, she held her daughter tighter and gulped.

_What now? What will I do here? Fight? What expects Michiru me to do for one million yen? Will she really take care of Hime-chan's operation?_

_Will I ever understand this Sailor senshi stuff she mentioned?_

Haruka sighed deeply and forced herself to smile as Hotaru grabbed her old pullover to tell her that she was really hungry and that she really wanted something to eat.

_Is this a blessing or a curse?_

She didn't know. Not yet. However, she knew that there had been no other choice to make for her. As long as there was a chance for her daughter to be a healthy, normal girl one day, she would done anything. Even making a contract with the devil.

While she walked silently upstairs to find the kitchen she wondered if she had already made exactly that.

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**Author's corner:**

When I wrote the story in 2002, one million yen were about 10,000 Euros which I thought was a pretty expensive sum for someone like Haruka who probably only has a minimal health insurance to cover her basic needs, but not the operation of such an ill child, and besides, one million yen sounds quite a lot.

I want to thank all my nice reviewers. You really make my day - bows deeply -, although it would be great if you could leave me an email address if you're not logged in to give me a chance to a) contact you (I really try to answer all your nice comments) and b) to answer your question.

One question was about AIDS and how to get infected by it… all I can say (for those who haven't already read this story) read the story and be patient. All questions and seemingly inconsequent statements will be solved later on. On a brief note: you can get infected by AIDS only by touching the blood, because there're always some cuts on your hands (at least there's always a little injury on my hands, but maybe I'm just clumsy - drop -), then the infected blood would get into your system and you'd become sick, as well. That's why you should wear plastic gloves when touching a bleeding person (maybe from a car accident or something like that), and that's why doctors always wear plastic gloves (at least they should, even the dentists).

Oh, and I really try my best to correct as many mistakes as possible, but I do know that there are still "a lot" (as someone of you said) left in this story . I am not a native speaker and that's one thing I've learned during studying this nice language for over 5 years: I will never be perfect, simply because I wasn't exposed to this beautiful language at a very young age.

Please tell me the mistakes, otherwise I'll make that mistake over and over again, never noticing that it's actually a mistake. Thank you smiles.

Next update:

My most favourite person in this story will make her appearance :). She is wild, crazy and brings some light into this sometimes quite dark story. And she's someone who accepts Haruka after they have to struggle over clothes and a cute cradle laughs.


	4. Chapter 2: Back to a normal life 1

**Chapter two: Back to a normal life**

She had just finished reading the newspaper the Meioh family had obviously on subscription as Setsuna entered the room. Her long hair was messed and she looked very sleepy. Haruka quickly glanced at the clock and had to grin. It was almost two in the afternoon.

"Morning..." whispered the tall woman and yawned. For some seconds she squinted surprised at the blonde. Then she seemed to remember who she was or at least why she was in her kitchen.

"Good afternoon," replied Haruka and giggled even more. The entire morning she had been bored and now Setsuna's appearance... it had been really worth waiting for all those hours to watch her stumble over her own feet and looking so sleepy.

"Don't tease me, Haruka. I've worked almost until dawn." Setsuna yawned again. "I am an owl. Mostly, I work all night and sleep all day, or at least I'd like to." The tall woman smiled as she saw little Hotaru lying next to her mother on the soft couch, being wrapped in a soft blanket, sleeping deep and tight.

"Is Michiru at school?"

"Hai." Haruka nodded and grinned as Setsuna tried to sit down on the couch, too, but missed it and almost sat on the ground. "She left around seven in the morning."

"Okay." Setsuna yawned again and rubbed her tired eyes.

"Maybe you should go back to bed. You don't look awake to me."

"Oh, that's normal. I am always like that before I got my first coffee." Setsuna raised her head and glanced at Haruka for a brief moment. Then she sighed deeply and buried her face again in her hands. "You will get used to it."

_Probably._

Haruka gulped and held the newspaper tighter in her hands.

_If am good enough in that senshi thing to stay..._

"Just ignore it..." Setsuna yawned again and it was really hard for her to open her eyes. She didn't have enough sleep and she knew that she would look really terrible until she found her first coffee and the way to her shower.

"Why don't you go back to bed, then?" asked Haruka and finally put the newspaper away. It was boring to read through it more than once, but she had no other things to do. Not after she had fed her daughter and had changed her nappy. Not after Michiru had shared a quick breakfast with her and had hurried up to school, because she had already been very late. Not after Haruka had secretly inspected at the entire house and had wondered for the umpteenth time what she was doing here. She felt so out of place, so totally wrong. All morning she had spent thinking of so many questions she didn't know how to ask. Urgent questions she didn't know if she wanted to receive the answers. Just like the question what she was supposed to do all day. Michiru was at school, Setsuna obviously spent most of the day in bed.

Of course Haruka could have worked... maybe the petrol station's manager would have given her a second chance. However, this house was too far away from Tokyo. It would have taken her too long to get to the city and to her former bosses district. Therefore, she sat down next to her sleeping daughter and read the newspaper. Over and over. Hoping that Michiru would return soon. Or that Setsuna would wake up.

"Because I want to go shopping when Michiru returns."

_Haruka raised her eyebrows, looking at her askingly._

"Well, we don't have any baby things, do we?" Setsuna stretched her arms and yawned again. "Common, let's eat something. I need my coffee and a big roll with sweet jam." The tall woman rose and stumbled over to the kitchen. "Did you have any lunch?"

"Well... I shared breakfast with Michiru." With a total hectic girl who had only said hello, had eaten her roll in what seemed lightening speed and had ran out of the front door with a short _bye_.

"I see..." Setsuna stared at the chaos in the kitchen and started to put the old dishes into the dish washer. "Michi never cares much about it. She sleeps too long and then she has too little time to eat..." Setsuna opened the fridge and glanced over to Haruka who had followed her. "What do you like to eat?"

"Dunno."

"You should know what you like to eat!" Setsuna held some tins in the air and looked at them sceptically. "Do you like tomato soup?"

"Hai..." Haruka sat down and watched the young woman dancing through the kitchen. She seemed to be used to instant soups, or at least she knew how to handle them. Haruka was sure that she would have burned them at the very instant.

Soon, two empty dishes stood on the table, ready to be filled with steaming soup, and Setsuna sat down, as well, patiently waiting for their lunch to cook.

"I made a list of what we need." Seemingly out of thin air, she held a sheet in her hands. "We need a cradle. That's the most important thing. And then we need baby clothes..."

"I have clothes for my daughter," protested the tall girl immediately and stared determinedly at her shoes. "And she's used to sleep in a bed, so that's fine, too."

_I can't demand that they buy things I can never pay back._

Haruka gulped and automatically clenched her fists.

"There's really no use to waste so much money."

_Michiru only told me that she will pay for the operation. How will she react when she has to pay for that stuff, too?_

_**- Just take it. -**_

_**- But... -**_

_**- Take it, Haru. -**_

_**- But... -**_

_**-You've never begged before in your life, have you? -**_

Again Haruka heard the soft voice in her mind. Again she felt soft hands taking hers, giving her a note she had only earned by begging, by standing at a church's entrance and looking miserable. As miserable as she had felt that day. She had stood there almost the entire day and it had been enough to come over the night.

_It had cost her a lot of pride. And even a lot more as she had to realize later._

"I don't need your charity."

She had never wanted charity again. From no one. Help, that was okay. Hikari helped her a lot, as well. They simply had to help each other or they would have died.

_Died..._

Setsuna frowned and looked at the suddenly pale girl sitting across her kitchen table, but before she could reply anything, someone banged the front door and a loud scream filled the house.

"Sissy-chan! We are HOME!!!"

Haruka jerked around as a shadow jumped through the kitchen without further warning.

"Hm! Tomato soup! That smells delicious." A girl stood next to the table the next moment. It looked as if she had just materialized out of thin air. There was a bright smile on her face. Her hair were screaming red and she whipped impatiently on her toes. "Can I get something, too? I know that I should buy myself something to eat, but today they..." and so she talked on and on, seemingly never pausing, never taking a breath, only talking, probably breathing through a secret gill hidden somewhere under her school uniform. Haruka glanced surprised at the girl and then at Setsuna who didn't look surprised at all. Only a little bit concerned. The young woman looked at her watch and then at the girl and frowned even more.

"Elza?" she interrupted the girl happily chatting girl and didn't look any sleepy any longer. Now she looked awake. And... alarmed?

"Elza? Shouldn't you be at school? It's two in the afternoon, school isn't over right now, is it? Today there's your orchestra rehearsal, isn't it?"

"Well... I didn't practise to be honest..." the girl laughed nervously, then she sighed deeply. "No, Michiru had a little accident. It was during our lunch break. She simply slipped on the ground and fell down the staircase. Now her foot hurts." The girl called Elza made a face and crossed her arms before her chest. "I've told her to visit a doctor, but she won't listen to me! She only wanted to go home. So I told our conductor that we are leaving and brought her home. Really, Sissy, I tried to convince her to go see a doctor, but she didn't want to."

Elza ran her hands through her short red hair that touched her neck when she shook her head. Her blue eyes sparkled and pleadingly she looked at the young woman.

"Really."

Setsuna stood up and sighed deeply.

"I know, Elza. I know that Michi can be really stubborn."

"Just like you." Elza grinned cheekily and sat openly down on the table, not caring about manners and the kitchen etiquette. The skirt of her uniform hardly covered her knees and it was slightly dirty. The biggest spots looked like chocolate milk.

"Better I'll take a look after..." Setsuna almost reached the door as a thought crossed her mind. "Elza?" She turned around and looked now really strict. "How did you both get home?"

"With that great car." Stars sparkled in blue eyes and dreamily she looked at Setsuna. Haruka who had watched the whole scene in silence, asked herself if that girl would start to pout the next moment. She was probably as old as Michiru, but when she lowered her head and winked at Setsuna through her eyelashes, she suddenly looked like a small, extremely cheeky girl. A cute girl. A girl who could achieve everything if she wanted to. A girl who was used to get whatever she wanted. A girl who was surely rich and spoiled.

Haruka didn't know if she would be able to like this girl. She didn't know if she had to live with her, as well, because she seems to make herself right at home in the Meioh's kitchen: the way she sat on the table and held Setsuna's spoon now in her hands, playing with it nervously, clearly showed her familiarity with the sisters' house. Be that as it may, if it was also Haruka's task to live with that girl, she would do it. For her daughter she would do anything.

_**- Never judge people by their appearances, by the first look, Haru. -**_

_**- Do you really think so? -**_

_**- Hai. Look at that man over there. What do you think? -**_

_**- Well, he wears nice clothes. He is washed and shaved and he surely has a good job. -**_

_**- Normally he comes on Wednesdays and buys one of the youngest girls here. He likes it when they are twelve, hardly touched before. -**_

_**- Oh... -**_

_**- Look at me, Haru. What do you see? -**_

_**- I... -**_

_**- You see an ugly, dirty girl with coloured hair. You see a junkie, Haru. You see an ill girl without a future. -**_

_**- But you are my best friend! -**_

_**- That's something you will only know when you look closer, Haru. Never judge someone because of their first look. Try to get to know them and then decide if you want to like them or not. -**_

Haruka sighed slightly and leaned back on her chair. Hikari had been right that evening. She had always been right. She had been so damn smart. She knew so many things Haruka didn't know at that time. She had taught her so many things, not only how to survive on those dirty streets.

_She had been so intelligent. So damn clever..._

Haruka swallowed and looked again at the girl. Now, she was actually pouting. At the first glance, she really looked wild and spoiled. Arrogant. Maybe even ignorant. Nevertheless, Haruka knew that she should wait before she judged her. Maybe she was a nice person beside her cheeky behaviour. Maybe she was worth to be friend...

_If I am still worth to be a friend of anyone..._

_If anyone wants to have a friend like me..._

_If am still able to be a friend. After all what I have done. After all those people I've betrayed. After I've lost her..._

"Did Michi drive?" asked Setsuna in a warning voice.

"No, she sprained her ankle. I drove." Elza held her hands to an invisible steering wheel and made some sounds like an obviously starting engine and laughed. "Don't worry, no one saw us, Sissy."

"Today." Setsuna came determinedly back. She leaned over to the girl and looked directly in her sparkling blue eyes. "But one day the police will catch you and then you will be in big trouble."

"But you would tell them that I am a nice girl, wouldn't you, Sissy?"

"No!" responded Setsuna in a strict voice, but the smile on her face betrayed her. "You are a really bad girl."

"I am just the way you've raised me."

"I didn't raise you! That did your grandparents!"

"But I've spent more time here than at home."

"Because I was so stupid to give you the key years ago."

"Then change the lock."

Setsuna only let out a deep sigh, shook her head and moved over to the door, but Haruka already knew the answer. That she wouldn't change the lock. That this girl, no matter how crazy she was, belonged to that family, as well.

_To a family?_

_Who is she?_

Haruka blinked.

_Who am I?_

_Will I ever belong to that family, too?_

However, the same time she knew that it was only a dream. A dream she had used to dream when she had been little. That she were part of a family. That she were loved. That she were someone special. That dream died together with her parents. She tried to dream again when she met Hikari, but she had to see in that someone like her wasn't able any longer, wasn't allowed any longer to dream. She had to be realistic. For her own and for her daughter's sake. She was only here to help those sisters to search for some talismans. She was only here to do what they told her. When she had to fight, she would fight. When she had to do something else, she would do it. She wasn't here to find a place to stay. She should never, ever forget that! She was here only for a limited time. As long as it would take them to find those talismans and to let little Hotaru be operated. Then she would be forced to leave again. To find a job and to take care of herself and her daughter all on her own again. This house, this place was not really an asylum for her. True, it was some kind of a shelter – but only for a limited time. She should always remind herself that she had to go. Sooner or later. She had to remind herself that all they gave her was only charity. Charity, nothing more. No friendship, nothing. Only charity she received for searching for some jewels.

_It's better than nothing, right?_

_Right?_

Haruka sighed again deeply and therefore finally caught Elza's attention. She turned her head around and her blue eyes grew wide.

"Setsuna? Who's that?" she asked and leaned now over to Haruka. Quickly, she looked at her, then a smile bloomed on her face. Happily, she stretched out her right hand and bowed slightly. "I am Grey Elza. I am pleased to meet you. I am a classmate of Michi and a good friend of Sissy."

"You are my biggest nightmare!" added Setsuna, but you could see that she was only teasing the grinning girl. Elza simply showed her her tongue.

"And who are you?"

"Tenô Haruka. Pleased to meet you," marbled Haruka and bowed, too.

"She's..." Setsuna hesitated for a brief moment, then she let her shoulders hang. "She lives here with us now. Get used to it, Elza."

"She lives here? In the same house like you do?" Elza shortly looked at the tall girl next to her and her grin grew wider. "I envy you," she said and snickered. "But don't you dare touch my Sissy. She is mine, do you hear me? She's my girlfriend."

For a moment there was dead silence, then Elza giggled and Setsuna only rolled her eyes, but as always, no one helped her. No one really cared. No angel came to save her, no devil came to punish Elza.

"Don't listen to what she is saying, Haruka. She's a little clown." Setsuna shook her head and grabbed the sheet she had shown Haruka only minutes ago. When the world had still been quite, peaceful, Elza-free.

"Don't joke so much around, Elza. Actually, I've wanted to go shopping, but I guess it's better when I look after Michi instead." Setsuna pushed the sheet in Elza's free hand. She was still holding Haruka's hand tight, seemingly having forgotten the touch to the unknown girl.

"Shall I call a doctor?"

"Guess it's not that bad. Surely, her foot is okay." Setsuna turned around and reached for a little, black handbag. Seconds later she had produced a little purse out of it.

"I wrote down everything we need on that sheet, Elza. It would be really great if you could go shopping with Haruka."

Elza looked down on the sheet and frowned, but as she heard the word shopping , her face brightened up. Enthusiastically, she nodded and grabbed for the purse.

"Am I allowed to buy myself something, too?" Her look was irresistible and she knew it. Setsuna only smiled and nodded.

"But only something small, okay?" having said that, she left the kitchen and went upstairs to take care of Michiru. She knew that her little sister didn't have an accident. She didn't fall down staircases like that. Certainly, a youma had been involved. Setsuna only hoped that the injury wasn't too bad. You could hardly go to a doctor with a big wound that was surely not caused by the fall down a staircase, but by the claw of a monster.

"Something small… ooookay."

Haruka didn't like the sparkle in blue eyes. Elza almost looked like a hawk, holding the purse tightly in her talons.

"Oh... and call a taxi this time. I don't want to fetch you up from jail."

"If that's your wish, Sissy."

"That's my order, Elza!"

The red haired girl raised her head and stuck out her tongue again, but Setsuna couldn't see it this time. She was already upstairs, entering her smaller sister's room.

Elza let out a deep sigh and looked again at the sheet. It was full with Setsuna's neat writing which meant that this shopping would take the entire afternoon. Quickly, the girl looked at Haruka, then she started to grin the widest grin Haruka had ever seen. Briefly, she wondered if this grin was able to split the girl's face in two. Then, Elza started silently to giggle. The longer she thought about it, the better it sounded. To go shopping. With Setsuna's purse!

"Come, Haruka. I am sure we'll have fun." The girl reached inside her school bag and the next moment she held her cell phone high into the air. "Shopping the entire afternoon! That will be fantastic." Stars danced again in Elza's eyes.

Haruka silently disagreed, but she knew that there was no way to escape her destiny. As there was no way to escape Elza.

dbdbdb

"Okay, first, we need clothes!"

They had just left the taxi. The driver had been a nice man Elza had talked to excitedly the entire ride. Haruka didn't mind. This way, she had to say less.

"Hm… this shop looks just fine!" Before Haruka could react, a warm hand had grabbed her cold one and she was pulled into a boutique that looked too expensive for her. Certainly, even a pullover would cost more than the rent for her small flat.

"Do you really think that this isn't too expensive?" she wondered aloud while Elza pulled her determinedly with her.

"Don't worry, Haruka. Sissy gave us her credit card. That's an open invitation and like hell I'm going to us it," giggled Elza and soon they stood in the changing room with a literal mountain of clothes. Elza always looked at the clothes she liked, showed them for the split of a second Haruka and decided that they would try them, as well.

"Okay, try this one." Elza gave Haruka some dark pants and a dark blue pullover. They were both soft and incredibly new. Haruka could remember that there had been a time when her mother had gone shopping with her, as well, but the last years the blonde hadn't been able to afford such clothes. Mostly, she had gone to second hand shops or simply had to wear her clothes until they fell apart. Haruka studied the tags and shook determinedly her head. The price was even higher than she had imagined.

"No." She said and wanted to put it away. "I don't need new clothes." She crossed her arms before her chest and asked herself how she could have been so stupid as to go shopping with that crazy girl. She didn't need any things. Only nappies and mash for her daughter. Nothing more. No clothes. No pullovers, no pants. No shoes. Absolutely nothing! She had made the deal to help finding the talismans for her daughter's operation, but not to beg for clothes! They were too expensive; she would never be able to pay them back.

"Sure you do!" Elza quickly looked at Haruka's old shirt and hang the pullover around Haruka's shoulders. "I have no idea who you are and why you will suddenly live with my darling and Michi, but there's one thing you should learn very quickly: never to argue with me! When I say that you need new clothes, then you need new ones!"

"No!" answered in a cold voice Haruka and tried to turn around. To go out of the shop and to go back to that house, no matter how many hours it would take her to reach it. Certainly, her daughter needed her. Furthermore, she wanted to know if Michiru was really okay or if she had to go to visit the doctor. There had been something in Setsuna's eyes Haruka that made Haruka shiver, because it had been real concern. Haruka learned fast enough on the street that such a look should be taken seriously or something really bad would happen.

_I am responsible for my daughter!_

_I am responsible for myself!_

_And because of the deal I am responsible for Michiru and Setsuna._

_But I am not responsible for that girl. Whoever she is!_

"I don't want to have any of those clothes! I don't need them! I have my own stuff!"

_I don't need your charity, you spoiled brat!_

"If I say that you do, it's..." Elza had grabbed Haruka's shirt and pulled it out of the pants to show her the holes she had seen there. Big holes. Moth holes, even! At that moment she saw the scar crossing an extremely slim belly. Elza frowned and raised her head. Askingly, she looked into the other girl's face, but Haruka only turned away.

"What the..."

"Okay, I'll try this one." changed Haruka the topic abruptly and disappeared into one of the cabins. She didn't want to talk about it, especially not with a total stranger like Elza. Determinedly, she pulled at the curtain, left a confused looking girl behind.

For a while Elza stood there in stunned silence, with a lot of clothes on her arms. Then she gulped and came nearer.

"I guess you don't like dresses and skirts, do you?" she asked quietly and stared at her shoes. "Guess I should look after some other pants, don't you think?" As no one answered, she turned around, put away the dresses and looked for other clothes. When she returned about ten minutes later, Haruka had changed. She looked better in her new outfit. The clothes fitted perfectly and suddenly she looked like a complete different person. Not like the poor girl she seemed to have been mere moments ago, but like a noble boy. Her hair were really short and you could hardly see any females outlines under the clothes, probably not only because she was so thin.

"Maybe you should use some normal bras. The sport bras are..."

"I like the way I look," snapped Haruka back and looked wearily at herself in the mirror. Then, she had to sigh. Elza was right. She really did look like a boy. A look that had almost cost her life. Once. Long, endless months ago. Shortly before she had met Hikari who took care of her. Without her she would have died that very night after he had attacked her with a sharp knife. Because she had looked like a boy, but indeed had been a girl...

"Hey, keep cool! I didn't attack you!" Elza made a face and pulled a jacket around Haruka's shoulders. "Take it, it's getting get cold. Right now it might be autumn, but I can already smell a long, snowy winter!" the red haired girl looked critically at the tall girl and nodded finally. "Okay, we'll take that outfit. It looks good."

Haruka didn't respond anything.

_**- This is a nice dress, Hika-chan. I'd like to see you in it. -**_

_**- Dreamer! It's too expensive for us. -**_

Haruka turned a little bit. The jacket was really very warm. It resembled a cloak, because it almost touched her knees, but it was not as heavy. Its deep pockets were deep enough to hide and warm her hands in. It was made out of dark leather.

_I wish I could have bought Hikari such clothes. That summer had been so cold. Maybe she would not have got a pneumonia then. Maybe she would be still alive..._

_**- We should go and buy some warm clothes for you. -**_

_**- Warm clothes? It's summer, Haru-chan. -**_

_**- But it's a cold summer, Hika-chan. -**_

_**- Decide, Haru-chan, a pullover or enough of that nice powder that makes us so happy. -**_

She had chosen the powder instead. A decision for which she would hate herself for the rest of her life. Hikari had died only two weeks later.

"The scar, it was a caesarean, right?" asked Elza after a long time and suddenly, she didn't look cheeky any longer. Suddenly, she looked very serious. "That's why we have to buy nappies and such stuff, too, right?"

"Hai," answered Haruka after another long pause, all the while still staring into the mirror, still seeing not her own reflection, but someone else.

"How old are you?"

"I am old enough to be a good mother!" snapped the tall girl again and turned around before Elza could see the fear in dark green eyes. Determinedly, she stepped back into the cabin to get into her normal clothes again, but Elza held her back.

"Just leave those clothes on." She shrugged her shoulders. "That's the way I always do that. They can wrap up your old clothes instead." Then, she smiled. It was an honest smile.

"I have surely a strange character, Haruka. All people at school call me a clown and I am sure that they are right. Guess Sissy and Michi only keep me, because they are used to me." She giggled. "I don't know who you are and I have no idea what you are doing in my best friend's house, but I want to be your friend. Sometimes, I say strange things and I have a dark sense of humour, but I have no prejudices. If Sissy and Michi have decided that you belong to our funny community, I'll be a good friend." Elza looked now directly into dark green eyes, but she couldn't read in the other one's expression.

"There's just one thing I can't stand. If I will ever hear that you hurt one of them, I'll be your biggest enemy. Is that clear, Haruka?"

Haruka didn't react, but she agreed silently.

dbdbdb

"A boy or a girl?"

Slowly, they walked through a big department store. Haruka couldn't remember the last time she had seen one of those from the inside. The fashion had changed since they had furnished her room in her parent's house a long time ago. Now everything seemed to be coloured in various shades of brown. Made out of real wood. At that time, when she had to decide together with her parents how to decorate her room, most of the furniture had been black. The style looked more modern, as well.

It was really a huge department store. They sold furniture, but also clothes and sport articles. The bikes sparkled in the sun's light and delicious scent filled the air around a small cafeteria.

"Nani?" Haruka watched how Elza swirled with the bags in her hands around. They seemed to have bought the whole boutique. Nevertheless, Elza only grinned and paid with Setsuna's credit card. Of course she had bought herself a nice looking pullover, as well. It was white and she looked like a little kitten in it. A kitten with a white fur and fire red ears.

"Your child. Is it a boy or a girl?"

"A little girl." The memory of Hotaru made Haruka automatically smile. She had never trusted any one, not even the nurses, but after she had seen how Michiru and Setsuna looked at the baby, she instinctively knew that Hotaru was safe with them. Michiru had promised her to pay the expensive operation, she wouldn't do Hotaru any harm. Shortly before had Setsuna woken up, Haruka had fed her daughter and laid her to sleep in the big bed. Certainly, she would sleep all afternoon and if she was lucky, she wouldn't awake before she would return. Hotaru wouldn't be afraid, she was used to be alone for some hours. Mostly between the times when she had to take her medicine. In those hours, Haruka mostly went to work at the petrol station to earn enough money to take care of her child and herself.

_I lost that job yesterday._

Quickly, Haruka looked around and couldn't believe that this all had happened only during the past twenty-four hours. That she had left the petrol station indeed only one day ago. That she was now shopping with a total stranger. That she got nice new clothes and that they were now going to buy nappies and baby mash. That little Hotaru had a future. That the operation would happen, soon. That her life was saved. That she didn't have to die.

_Thank goodness._

"What's her name?"

"Hotaru."

"That's a nice name. And her father?"

Haruka didn't respond and Elza was smart enough to understand that the tall girl wouldn't talk about him. Not yet.

"Well, I..." Elza's head turned while they walked and she became slower and slower while her voice died away. Her blue eyes grew wide and she looked really astonished. Or rather, in love. Not with someone, but with something. Some special, extravagant clothes.

"Wait a moment!" she said and pushed all her bags in Haruka's hands and ran away. Haruka only watched her in confusion. Then, she walked a little bit towards the furniture to be out of the way of all the people hurrying by. She had met a girl like Elza before. So hectic. So chaotic. On the other hand, she had never met a girl like Michiru or Setsuna, either.

_As they surely never had met a person like me..._

Haruka sighed deeply and turned around. And froze in motion. There was a cradle standing next to her. It was made out of bright brown wood. The curtains covered the half of it. Little teddy bears danced over the white cloth. The cradle only stood on two feet and could swing if you stepped on the seesaw. It reminded Haruka of a cradle she had seen before. A long time before she had got pregnant with Hotaru. A long time before Hikari had died. A long time before she had known how it all would end. They had been in one the better districts of Tokyo. To beg for money and to find some places where it was warm in the evening. They had spent some hours at the entrance of a big department store like this one and had tried to get a little bit money. Hikari had been the one who actually discovered the cradle in the shop window.

_**- Haru! Look at this! Isn't that cradle kawaii? -**_

_**- Hai, it is. -**_

_**- This is surely a cradle a mother would buy for her child she loves a lot. -**_

_**- I had such a cradle, too. But it broke when I got older. -**_

_**- You've been a lucky child, Haru-chan. At least your childhood was nice. -**_

_**- And yours? -**_

As always she didn't get a response. Only a question to change the topic.

_**- Do you want to have children one day, Haru-chan? -**_

_**- No. -**_

_**- Why not? -**_

_**- Because I would be a bad mother. -**_

_**- I don't think so, Haru. You'd be a great mother. You'd be able to love it. Something some parents have never been able to do. -**_

Hikari had never told about her own parents, but Haruka had been sure that they had hurt her deeply before she ran away from home. Before she met her in a dark night.

_**- And you, Hika-chan? -**_

_**- You know that I am not allowed to have any children. -**_

_**- I don't think so! -**_

_**- Stop arguing about that. It's a fact! The possibility that it'll be infected, too, is too high. -**_

_**- But don't you think that once we will... -**_

_**- One day you will have children, Haru-chan. You will be a great mother. And you will buy your children such a fantastic cradle. -**_

As always Hikari had finished the discussion about her future with such a sentence that had sounded like a prophecy. As if she had been able to look into the future and to see what might happen one day.

_You've been right, Hika-chan. As always._

Haruka stepped a little bit closer and touched its curtain. It was incredibly soft. So wonderfully soft. Hikaru would have certainly liked it, as well.

I wish you were still alive, Hika-chan. You would have loved Hotaru as much as I love her. _You would have been crazy to buy baby clothes for her, too. You would have begged me to let you feed her, too. You would have behaved as if she was your daughter, too. I would have wanted so badly to argue with you how to raise her the right way. To argue with you if she should become a doctor or a lawyer one day. Or simply happy._

Haruka smiled a sad smile and her throat started suddenly to hurt.

_I miss you so much, Hika-chan. Don't you know?_

Although no one answered her directly, Haruka simply knew the answers to all her burning questions. They almost made her heart break.

"Tadam!" Suddenly, a shadow jumped at her from behind and she winced wildly. Haruka turned around and saw Elza standing there, wearing a dress that had the same screaming colour as her hair. It hardly reached her knees and was sleeveless. Instead, it had a wide clipping. You could almost see her small but well formed breasts. Elza blushed slightly as she spun around herself and raised her arms. Her grinning face told Haruka that she liked that dress very much, no matter how daring it might look.

"And, what do you think? It's a special offer, because summer is over. Do you think Sissy would like it?"

_How shall I know that? I hardly know her, nor you._

Haruka frowned and held the bags in her hands tighter.

"Well, it doesn't cost the world, guess I'll simply take it." Elza winked at her, giggled excitedly and pulled the jacket of her school uniform over it. "Sissy's face will be worth it."

Elza turned and wanted to go over to the counter to pay, however, she stopped dead when her eyes caught side the cradle behind Haruka. Quickly, she glanced at the now slightly crumbled sheet in her hand and looked again at the cradle. Of course she had seen the tall girl looking so longing at it.

"Do you like that cradle?" she asked and inspected the teddy bears. They were really cute. She didn't know the little girl yet, but she knew that all children like teddy bears, at least she herself couldn't imagine her life without her cuddly friends. Although her classmates would've never believed her hugging a huge teddy bear, she sure had ten of those tame toys at home, all sitting at her bed. Looking pleading at her with their big, dark button eyes at her until she had to hug them all again, one after another.

_Well, I can't hug _her_, can I?_

"Um..." hesitated Haruka and Elza, not wanting to argue again with the blonde about things she didn't want but obviously needed, made her decision.

"Okay, then we'll take it, too."

dbdbdb

"I've always wanted to buy that stuff." Elza put the nappies into the trolley. Immediately, Haruka wanted to protest that she took the most expensive ones, that Hotaru would be happy with the cheaper nappies, as well, but the red haired girl had already hurried away – towards the mash.

"But I always thought that I would have to wait for the next ten years." Elza looked at some bottles and made a face. "I am just seventeen years old and I don't even have a partner, that's why I can't have a child." She read the content and shivered. "That should be noodles? Honestly, that looks more like a serious accident."

_I didn't have a partner, too._

_You don't have to have a partner to get a child._

_You don't even have to be a woman any longer..._

"Really disgusting!" Elza made a disgusted face and shook her head. Haruka only grinned and put it away.

"Hime-chan is only five months old. She prefers milk and those mashes," she explained and chose those puddings Hotaru was used to. They were a little bit cheaper than the ones Elza had discovered merely minutes ago and Haruka noted slightly relieved that not everything in their trolley would be of the most expensive brand. However, she had reckoned without Elza, because within the next seconds, the trolley was filled with milk bottles.

"Hope that's enough."

Haruka followed Elza's sparkling eyes and gulped. It was too much. Hotaru never ate that lot. Maybe that was what a normal, a healthy girl would eat during the next two weeks, but Hotaru would need at least one month to finish all those bottles. Elza saw her look and misunderstood it.

"Oh, if it's not enough, I can take some more bottles. I have no idea what they did to the milk, but in a cold fridge it'll survive for over three weeks without even changing its colour. Closed of course, but still it's magic." She shrugged her shoulders. "Or some other chemical stuff I don't really want to know about." Some more bottles went into the trolley, but Haruka didn't know how to explain to the red haired girl that her daughter was ill and consequently didn't eat as much as healthy babies at her age. And she wasn't in the mood explain her daughter's weak condition to Elza. Not now. Maybe later. Some weeks later. When she was sure that Elza wouldn't stare Hotaru with that special look on her face Haruka hated so much. A look full of pity. When she was sure that Elza wouldn't laugh at her or, worse, scold her for it was her own fault, because she simply was too young to be a good mother.

Right now, Elza didn't look as if she would laugh while she was busy putting ice cream for herself in the trolley, however, there had been other, really nice looking people who yelled at Haruka when they got to know the truth. When they realized _how_ she got pregnant. When they found out more about her ugly past. They all had despised her: all those so nice looking women from the social welfare office. All those smiling nurses. All those friendly doctors.

"Hm... I guess we need a donkey right now." snickered Elza after she had paid the milk and the mash and the ice cream. Determinedly, she pushed the trolley towards the exit. "Or a good taxi driver." The red haired girl searched her handbag with a frown on her forehead and her tongue between her lips while she gave Haruka the control over the trolley. Now, it was filled with a lot of bags, with the big package containing Hotaru's new cradle and now with delicious, but quite expensive food food. They had put the goods into some paper bags, but still the trolley seemed to fall apart with every move.

_So much in only three hours_.

Haruka stared at all the bags while she pushed the trolley.

_No wonder I feel so exhausted._

"Do you have some yens for me?" suddenly, there stood an old man. He was dressed in old, dirty clothes, his hair was also dirty and very thin. As he smiled Haruka noticed that he had hardly any teeth left.

The blonde stopped and stared at him, feeling suddenly incredibly sick.

_**- Do you really think that this is okay? -**_

_**- It's the only way to get some money at an hour like this. -**_

_**- But it's only noon. -**_

_**- Right. And a lot of people are shopping right now. For the weekend, you know? -**_

_**- But... -**_

_**- Don't look so dump, Haru-chan. Look poor and painful, so that they will give you some coins out of sympathy. They need that to feel better. To make them believe that they've helped you. To calm their conscience. -**_

Consequently, they had spent the entire afternoon in front of the supermarket and had opened the doors for the customers, always holding out a trembling hand, obediently asking for money. It had been an humiliating experience, but Haruka had known that there were worse things to do to earn a little money: to rob an old woman, to break into a house stealing money and whatever she could lay her hands on, to...

"Haruka? Are you coming?" Elza's voice brought her back into reality. She saw the red haired girl giving a small note to the beggar, hurrying on, still talking into the cell phone that seemed to be clued to her left ear. Probably speaking to the taxi driver to tell him where exactly he had to fetch them up.

_It's only been a year since I stood there._

Haruka still stared at the beggar who looked surprised at the note and thanked Elza who didn't listen to him any longer. For her it was not much money, maybe some chocolate bars or a fashion magazine, for him it was a hot meal. Maybe even two hot meals.

_It's only been a year since we both stood there._

Haruka gulped, but tried to ignore her memories as the taxi arrived. Elza filled the trunk with all their bags until even the taxi driver had his problems to close it properly.

dbdbdb

The taxi driver had really deserved his tip. He had helped them carry all the bags into the entrance hall of the house and had wished them a good day before he drove away. At dalight looked the house by the sea even bigger. There was a big staircase leading to Michiru's rooms, the walls were covered with fantastic paintings. Mostly they showed the wild sea: sometimes only the sea, sometimes the sunset, sometimes a bird flying over the waves, sometimes dolphins dancing over the surface. On one you could see was a thunderstorm. The lightening looked blurred, but nevertheless the picture was so realistic that Haruka could almost hear the thunder.

_Are they all originals?_

If they were, they surely had been expensive. A painting by someone who could draw so well was surely very expensive.

There were big windows and a part of the roof consisted of glass. It all looked like a palace. A bright palace, now bathed into a shade of red and orange. Haruka blinked and realized that it was already evening, which meant that the sun was already setting again. Elza and she had really spent the entire afternoon with shopping! The entire afternoon and not only three hours as she had calculated earlier on their tour.

_Hime-chan!_

Haruka didn't notice a dog running out of the corridor's shadows, barking, and jumping up at the red haired girl, whimpering.

"Hey, Orpheus, you wild one," laughed Elza and started to tease the St. Bernhard dog around. He barked even louder, but it didn't sound dangerous. It simply sounded happy.

The barking was loud, but another kind of whimpering seemed to be louder. At least for Haruka who knew this different whimpering very, very well. Who had heard it very well during the past five months. Her heart raced in her chest as she followed the noise. It didn't sound sad or even frightened, but most certainly hungry. She had been away for more than three hours, leaving her daughter behind, although she knew that Hotaru had to take her medicine on a regular basis, as well as being fed several times a day. Right now, the little girl was surely hungry.

_Gomen, Hime-chan. It's all my fault._

She found her daughter in the living room. She was lying in Michiru's arms and whimpered. Tears streamed over her redden cheeks and she had clenched her tiny fists.

"Hey, don't you want to drink?" asked the sea green haired girl and sobbed, as well, matching perfectly Hotaru's face colour. Maybe she knew how to handle a healthy child, but she obviously didn't know how to handle an ill one. "Hey, I thought you were hungry. You can't be wet. We've changed your nappies, twice."

_She's changed Hime-chan's nappies?_

Haruka frowned, then she sat down next to Michiru on the couch. The smaller girl winced and looked up in surprise. She seemed not to have heard her come. Tears sparkled in her blue eyes. Tears of despair and confusion.

"We've already given her her medicine as it is described on the box, but she refuses her bottle. I'm sure that she's hungry, but she simply refused it."

"She doesn't refuse it..." whispered Haruka who didn't want to terrify her daughter and took the little girl in her arms. Carefully, she rocked her, took the warm bottle out of Michiru's slightly trembling hands. Then, she fed her daughter patiently. As always, Hotaru didn't want to drink, but Haruka knew that she had to wait for at least five minutes. To try it again and again until Hotaru would be convinced that her stomach would stop aching if she put up with the effort and drank. Even if it took all her tiny powers, it would be worth it.

"That's better, isn't it?" whispered Haruka softly and smiled as Hotaru finally started to gulp and to munch.

"Gomen nasai..." sobbed Michiru next to her and turned her head away. "I thought it all would be easy and... and..."

_Does she already regret her decision? Does she want to kick me out now? Does she see now that I am the wrong one? That I can't search for the talismans for her?_

"Changing her nappies wasn't that hard. She was very calm and after Setsuna confused the nappy's end we were finally able to change them." Michiru searched for an handkerchief and snorted silently. "But feeding her is not very easy."

_So she didn't mean her decision._

Endless relief went through Haruka as she held the bottle a little bit tighter to help her daughter to drink easier. Tiny hands grabbed for it and Haruka's smile deepened as small fingers touched her bigger ones.

"If you want to learn it, I'll show you. It's not very hard. You only have to understand her and to be very patient," explained the blonde quietly, remembering for a quick moment how impatient she had been. When she had been a teenager. When she had been a daughter herself. A loved daughter. When she had been a wild, but happy pupil.

"That sounds good." Michiru winced as she moved her leg. At that moment Haruka realized that Michiru had put her leg on a small stool. The foot was bandaged and a towel was put around it to protect the ice that should cool the sore skin.

"How's your ankle doing?"

"Oh, better, thanks. Nothing is broken, just a little bit sprained. Gimme me two more days and I'll jump around again," smiled Michiru through her tears and watched Hotaru closely as if she wanted to memorize the blonde's technique feeding the little girl.

Haruka couldn't imagine the rich girl jumping around, but she only nodded and concentrated again on her daughter, drinking noisily.

"And, how was your shopping tour? Exhausting, wasn't it? It's always exhausting with Elza." Michiru put the handkerchief away and leaned back against the soft couch. Whatever kind of painkillers Setsuna had given her, they made her slightly dizzy and tired. "Elza can dance on your nerves. She's a little devil, but she's a nice little devil." Michiru giggled slightly while Hotaru munched happily. "Our families had always been close to each other. Her mother went with our mother to school. They had been the best friends. Sadly, she died together with her husband when Elza was just one year old. She has been raised by her grandparents, by my parents and a little bit by us, especially by Setsuna who's five years older than Elza. She may be crazy but she is a very good friend. She may tease you around all the time, but if you really need her, she's simply there. We would go through the fire for each other."

"Does she know about the talismans?"

Michiru hesitated and watched Hotaru drink. Then she sighed deeply.

"No. Neither Sissy nor I know how to tell her. If she will understand it. Guess she senses that something is different, especially with you living here, now, but she won't ask. Sometimes, she seems to have no feelings, but when there's something going on that's really important, she always waits until you tell her."

_No feelings?_

Haruka thought of the red haired girl and shook slightly her head.

_She has feelings. Maybe even too many of them. I'd rather say she has no manners._

Although Haruka knew that she was the last one who was allowed to criticise anyone. Not after all the rules she had broken. After all the things she had done without regret. Without any regret right at that moment she had done them.

"Did you find something nice?" asked Setsuna from the kitchen. She had obviously took care of their dinner and now Haruka could smell the delicious scent.

"Hai." Haruka looked down at her daughter and smiled.

"We've found a cradle!" called Elza from the corridor and literally flew into the room. She was swinging some bags around and a jumping Orpheus followed her loyally. Just in case that those bags contained sausages or some other nice food. "It's really a cute one with teddy bears all over it." Elza giggled and finally put the bags down. The dog immediately put his big nose into them, searching noisily for something too it, but soon he had to realize that the bags only contained boring clothes and strange smelling nappies and therefore trotted with a tortured sigh back to the corridor to lay down in front of the door. To make sure that no one would come or go without being noticed.

"And I bought that dress." With an elegant motion, Elza stripped her uniform's jacket and presented her red dress. Here in the bright light of the living room it looked even more daring than in the department store's light.

Michiru raised her eyebrows in surprise while Setsuna blushed slightly.

"Don't you think that this is a little bit too cold for autumn?" asked the tall woman and took back her purse. Then she looked into the other bags and carried the ones with the baby mash and the milk over to the fridge.

"But it's for the next summer!" defended Elza herself and stumbled over some bags as she tried to follow Setsuna. "Don't you think it's pretty, Sissy? I bought it only for you!"

"Don't be kidding, Elza." Haruka and Michiru could hear the angry voice and the opening of the fridge. "Besides, you are a little bit young for it, don't you think?"

"I am seventeen! I am not a child any longer!"

"Then stop behaving like one!"

"You are impossible, Sissy!"

"Thanks, Elza. Do you want to have your baked sandwich with mushrooms or with salami?"

"You know that I don't eat meat!" with those words Elza returned again. She was deeply blushed, but she didn't grab for her jacket as Haruka had expected. Instead, she clenched her fists and opened them again before she went on her knees in front of her.

"So, this is little Hotaru?"

"Hai." Haruka put the almost empty bottle away and let her daughter make her burp. The little girl looked around with tired eyes and grabbed weakly for Elza's thumb to hold it tight while she fell asleep. The red haired girl didn't move. She only knelt there and watched the little girl sleep. Soon, a tender smile appeared on her face and she obviously forgot that she had been angry only two minutes ago.

"She's kawaii," whispered Elza and gulped. She didn't know who Haruka was. She didn't know where she came from and why she suddenly lived with her best friends. With Setsuna and Michiru who were even more than merely good friends to her. Who had been her family since she could remember. Normally, they told her everything. About Michiru's rehearsals and concerts, when they planned to go on holidays. When they decided to take Orpheus, they had told her weeks before they went to the home for animals. When Setsuna decided to study computer science, they had told her months before she actually took the entrance exams. When they made their parents a big surprise, they had told her days before they booked the trip: a journey to Europe to their 30th wedding day. Elza always had known what was going on. Normally, she knew all those big and little secrets. What Michiru bought Setsuna for Christmas, what Setsuna made for Michiru for her birthday. She was kind of a secret keeper for the Meioh family, however, today Elza came home from school and this girl was simply there. A girl she had never seen before in her life. Michiru hadn't told her anything at school beforehand, Setsuna hadn't felt the need to warn her early enough to be prepared to face a stranger in what she felt was already her home. Elza came back from school and Haruka was sitting at the typical Meioh Setsuna afternoon breakfast table and looked the same surprised she did.

_Hai, Sissy and Michi have always told me everything._

This time, however, she sensed that they wouldn't tell her what this was all about, even if she would ask them.

_She's a little bit quiet. But she looks nice._

Elza watched the baby sleeping in her mother's arms, still holding her thumb tight. It was such a gentle touch that the red haired girl had again to gulp.

_Maybe she's a long forgotten relative of Michiru who needs help. She's very young to be a mother. Maybe her parents threw her out and she needs a place to stay. Her clothes weren't the best. _

Yet, Elza didn't dare to ask. She had never asked Michiru about anything that had happened before that special day in March eight years ago. All she knew was what Setsuna had told her.

_Well, everyone is quiet in comparison to me._

Elza grinned and looked quickly from Hotaru to the tall blonde and back.

_But she loves her child. She obviously loves her. So she can't be mean, can she?_

Nevertheless, Elza promised herself to keep an eye on the girl until she would know her better. Until she was sure that she would really not hurt her family.

"We bought a cradle today," she said and smiled at Michiru who tried to hide a painful face. Her foot obviously still hurt.

_I should have taken her to a doctor. No matter how much she protested!_

"It's covered with teddy bears. It's really kawaii. Just like this little girl."

"With teddy bears?" Setsuna asked as she came out of the kitchen. She was wearing an apron that was covered with red spots. They looked like...

Haruka held her daughter tighter and tried to ignore the memory suddenly crashing down on her.

_**- This is serious, Hika-chan. We should go see a doctor. -**_

_**- No, I'm fine. **__**Don't worry. -**_

_**- But you are bleeding. -**_

_**- It's nothing, really. I was just a little bit careless. -**_

_**- You or that guy? -**_

_**- It's really nothing. -**_

_**- I don't believe you! -**_

_**- Don't touch it! Don't touch me! Get away from me, Haru! Leave me alone! -**_

_**- But I only want to help you! -**_

_**- You can't help me. No one can. -**_

"Did you cut yourself, Setsuna?" The words were out of her mouth before Haruka could stop herself. Suddenly she felt very dizzy. Even if it had happened over a year ago, the memories were still too fresh. They still hurt too much. She had tried to help Hikari, but she only pushed her away. Yelled at her. In pain, in fear and in panic. Left her alone that night, confused, angry and sad.

"Oh, no. That's only ketchup. The food simply plays with me when I try to make an eatable meal." Setsuna shrugged her shoulders in an apologizing way.

"An eatable meal..." giggled Elza who was suddenly reminded that she should be angry with the young woman. "Hope you won't poison us nor your guest."

"Haruka is not only a guest, she will live here from now on," said Michiru and groaned as she stood up slowly. Her foot seemed to be a real torture. She stumbled over to the kitchen and tried to seize on everything she could reach: the couch, an armchair, the book shelf.

"Come on guys, let's eat something. And you should put something over your dress, Elza. It's not summer any longer."

Elza only pouted and didn't do what she was told. Michiru made it somehow to the table. Haruka sat down, as well, with Hotaru still sleeping deep and tight in her arms. The blonde would take care of the new cradle later. She wanted to see her daughter sleeping in that nice cradle. In a cradle, not longer in her mother's bed, for the first time in her tiny life.

As Setsuna opened the oven and brought the tray out, Orpheus opened the door and trotted into the kitchen, as well. He sat down next to Michiru and look up at her with his big button eyes, begging openly.

dbdbdb

An old woman sang with all her passion. She wore a nice dress that couldn't hide the fact that she had been eating a little bit too much on a regular basis over the past years. Her voice, however, was wonderful. Deep and strong. It could fill concert halls. It could make people shiver. It could make those people happy.

Setsuna switched on the light as she entered the living room. Quickly, she looked at the screen, but she didn't recognize the opera. Michiru was the classical fan in her family, she preferred other music.

_She's watching an opera?_

Setsuna walked over to the couch and had to smiled, because Elza didn't watch the TV any longer. She was fast asleep. A sport magazine was next to her on the ground and her red hair messed. Now it was almost midnight and Setsuna knew that the girl had school the following day.

_I should wake her up._

Setsuna bowed over the girl and hesitated for some moments. Elza had taken a shower before she decided to watch TV, surely some sport transmissions, and she had used the shampoo Setsuna liked so much. She still wore the red dress, of course, even though it probably only to annoy her. Yet, it wasn't as bad as Setsuna had claimed. Elza looked really pretty in it. Still, it was really too cold for this season and it was too daring. Every boy would turn around when Elza would walk by and somehow Setsuna didn't like that thought.

_It's really late in the evening and a lot has happened today. I am simply tired._

Setsuna couldn't resist her desire and stroked through red strands. They were messed, as always. Some strands covered the neck and the ears. Elza smiled and opened her eyes lazily as she felt the tender touch.

"Sissy..." she whispered and yawned slightly. "How late is?"

"Almost midnight. Get up, little one. I'll take you home."

"Can't I stay here?"

"Tomorrow is school and I don't think that Michiru can go to school tomorrow."

"But I wanna sleep."

"You can do that at home. Surely, Mary will be concerned if you don't return tonight."

Mary was Elza's old nursemaid.

"No, she would think that I've finally found someone and would be happy."

Setsuna blushed slightly and reached under Elza's arms to help her up. The red haired girl looked more asleep than awake. The young woman wrapped the school uniform's jacket around the girl's shoulders and pulled her to her feet.

"Joker," was all Setsuna replied as she pulled an almost sleeping Elza with her, but before they reached the door, Elza had wrapped her arms around Setsuna's waist and held her tight.

"I don't wanna go, Sissy," she whispered and buried her face in a warm shoulder. "I wanna stay all night. I wanna stay with you."

"Don't be kidding." Setsuna's answer was rough as she pushed the girl gently away. "Come." The young woman turned around to search for the car keys and for her own racket, not seeing that Elza looked suddenly very, very sad.

dbdbdb

"Here we are."

Setsuna stopped near the big entrance door of Elza's grandparent's house. The house was huge, looked almost like a palace from the outside. The same it looked from the inside. Only Elza's rooms were a little bit different, mostly because they were never tidied up. Mary always tried her best, but Elza was too untidy and soon after the old nursemaid had tidied up in her rooms they all looked like a big mess again.

"I guess Michiru will stay at home tomorrow. I'll go to a doctor with her if it won't get any better. Please give that to your teacher." Setsuna handled Elza an envelope and the red haired girl yawned slightly.

"No problem." Elza opened the car's door, but then she hesitated. She turned around and glanced at Setsuna in the car's light. The young woman looked tired, too. "Who's that girl? I mean, who's that Haruka?"

Setsuna blinked and slowly turned her head towards Elza. Then she shrugged her shoulders.

"To be honest, I have no idea. She once saved Michi when some bad guys tried to attack her and since that day Michi had searched for her. Yesterday, she found her and brought her home."

Elza thought about those words and frowned.

"Do you know anything about her? I mean, besides the fact that she gave birth to a daughter?"

"No," admitted Setsuna after some seconds and sighed deeply. "But I guess we'll get to know more during the next days and weeks."

"Will she really live with you?"

"I think so."

Elza leaned over to Setsuna and her blue eyes sparkled.

"I warn you! You belong to me, not to that girl! Don't even dream about it!"

Setsuna's eyes grew wide, then she shook her head and looked away.

"Stop fooling around, Elza."

"But I..."

"Go to bed. You'll write an English test tomorrow, won't you?"

Elza sighed deeply and nodded.

"Hai, but you know that I am very good in English."

"Not when you fall asleep during the lesson."

"That's a good point."

Elza stepped out of the car, but didn't close the door. For a moment, she looked up and stared at the clouds. It looked like rain. Cold rain that was typical for autumn. The leaves had already started to colour and the wind could be really chilly. Elza wrapped her jacket closer around her body and shivered slightly.

"Sissy?"

"Hai?"

"Do you think she's here because of a second chance?" Elza lowered her head and looked directly into tired dark eyes. "Do you think she is one of them?"

_One of them._

_One of them who are the way Michiru had been. Just eight years ago._

_A lost soul._

Setsuna blinked and returned Elza's asking look.

_But she's Sailor Uranus._

_The same Michi is Sailor Neptune._

"Maybe... only time will tell. Go to bed, little one. I'll call you up tomorrow."

"Okay."

Elza leaned again forward until she almost knelt on the seat. Quickly, she leaned forward and kissed an total astonished Setsuna on the cheek.

"You know I can't go to bed without a good night kiss." She giggled. Then she closed the door and was gone. Some lights went on inside the big house, but Setsuna didn't even notice them. She only stared at the empty seat and touched unbelievingly her right cheek.

After a long time, she couldn't define if she sat there for minutes or even for hours, she started the car again and drove away.

"Joker!"

dbdbdb

"They always say that it's very easy."

Haruka looked sceptically at the stick she was holding in her hands and the cloth that was spread before her on the soft carpet. It was covered with little teddy bears.

"But I guess you need to study mechanical engineering to understand that." Haruka stared at the hammer, but decided against it. It surely wouldn't help her any further, but rather destroy the cradle and that was the last thing the blonde wanted.

"Michiru? What's the next stick? This or that one?" Haruka frowned as she tried the first one. It was too long. "Michiru?" She turned her head as no one answered and froze in motion. The girl was on her bed. Her eyes were closed and she was fast asleep. She had wrapped her arms carefully around Hotaru who held sea green strands in her tiny hands. They both smiled in their dreams.

_She won't break her promise._

Haruka gulped and put the sticks quietly down. Suddenly, she knew that her daughter was safe here. Maybe the two sisters would hate the blonde once they found out who she was. Once they found out everything about her dark past. However, they would never hate her daughter. A small, innocent child. A cute child that only wanted to live. Who now got the chance to grow up.

Haruka came slowly to her feet and went over to the bed. Michiru looked peaceful. Soft. So completely different from yesterday when she had offered her the most dangerous deal in her life. Still, Haruka didn't know anything about the talismans, hadn't seen a youma yet, hadn't fought yet. Hadn't been that senshi yet. She didn't know what waited for her, what the next day would bring, but she knew that her daughter was safe here. That she was with people who obviously loved her. A little child of just five months who needed that love. Who needed the chance Michiru offered her.

_Whatever it will cost, you will live, Hime-chan. Whatever I'll have to do, you will grow up. You will live your life. You will experience all those nice things like school, friendship and love._

Haruka bit on her lower lip as Hotaru pulled in her sleep on sea green strands and smiled as Michiru automatically started to stroke her tiny arm.

_Maybe they are right. Maybe I am a damn bad mother._

Haruka wrapped her arms around her body and stared back at the cradle and all the bags still covering the ground.

_Maybe I can't give you all those things. You are five months, Hime-chan and I could never afford to buy you a doll or something else to play. Not even a cradle._

Haruka gulped and felt suddenly alone. As alone as she hadn't felt again after that dark night on the street. After Hikari had died. Before she realized that she was pregnant.

_Maybe someone like me shouldn't have a daughter._

_But whatever will happen, I'll always be there for you, Hime-chan. I will protect you against the evil of this world. I will care for you. That you won't do the same mistakes I did._

"Haruka?"

She looked up as she heard the silent voice. Setsuna leaned against the door frame and watched her. Haruka didn't know how long she had stood there in silence. She hadn't heared her come, but she wouldn't ask. It didn't matter what other people thought about her. Most of them hated her, anyway.

"And, what is the cradle doing?"

"It's a big chaos," sighed Haruka and went back to the components covering the soft carpet. "Michiru tried to help me, but she fell asleep."

"It had been a long day." Setsuna stepped over to the bed and looked for a short moment at her little sister. A sad smile formed on her face as she covered her with a soft blanket and stroked lovingly over Hotaru's redden cheeks. "And she is injured. I gave her medicine that made her tired."

"Medicine? Did she catch a cold?" Haruka took again the sticks into her hands, determined to find out how they all would fit together. She knew that the cradle had been incredibly expensive. She didn't want to break it, but she was too proud to ask anyone else to help her.

"No. She fought with a youma." Setsuna sat down next to the tall blonde and sighed deeply. "That's always our problem: when she's at school or at her way home and a youma appears, I am not around. I work, Haruka, even though I mostly work at home. Still, I can't help her. At the beginning, the youmas were very weak and no problem for Michi. But recently, they became stronger and stronger. I am really afraid that one day a youma will be too strong for Michi and that he will really hurt her. That he will inure her dangerously. That she might die..." Setsuna closed her eyes for a moment, fighting with her self control. As she opened them again they were a shade darker than normal.

"Die? Are those youmas that dangerous?" Haruka frowned and concentrated again on the sticks. Somehow, it all looked wrong. Somehow, it simply wouldn't fit.

"They are searching for those talismans, too. They try to kill everyone who's in their way. That's the reason why Michi brought you home. That's the reason why..."

"To fight and die?" Haruka's head jerked around and there was a deep anger burning in her dark green eyes. "I thought we would search for those jewels and kick some asses of some guys. No one told me that we could die!" Haruka shook her head and put the sticks down. Determinedly to get up, to take her daughter and to go. "Thank you for your nice offer, but I can't risk to die. I have a daughter who needs me."

"Haruka!" Setsuna grabbed her arm and forced her to stay on the ground. "Listen to me before you let your temper control your mind!"

"Listen?" gritted Haruka through her teeth. "To your stupid words? No, thank you! Hotaru needs me! When I'll die, she'll die, too."

"She won't be alone. And you won't die. Those youmas are dangerous, but then we are three. Then, we are stronger. With your help."

"I won't let Hotaru lead the life I had." Now, Haruka really wanted to get up and Setsuna needed all her strength to hold her back. Suddenly, she knew that normally no one could hold Haruka back. At least not a healthy Haruka who hadn't given birth to a child recently. A strong Haruka who hadn't been so terribly thin.

For a moment silence ruled between them. Then, Setsuna sighed, worn out.

"I thought Michi told you everything yesterday. So, why did you come with her after all?" asked the young woman and watched how Haruka glanced over to the bed and to the people sleeping there.

_Because it's Hotaru's only chance to live._

_But when I die..._

_The operation will be paid. Surely. Even if I die..._

_But..._

"It's not only the search for the talismans and those youmas, Haruka, that concerns me. Michi can't stand that all alone any longer. She takes our mission too seriously sometimes and needs someone to remind her that she doesn't have to fight all on her own. I work, I can't go with her to school. I can't protect her, but you can."

Setsuna reached for the sticks and pushed them in Haruka's hands.

"Try it this way," she ordered and produced an exercise book and a pencil. "And now tell me something about you."

Haruka saw that the sticks did suddenly fit. She raised her head and dark green eyes sparkled mysteriously. Suddenly, Setsuna knew that the tall girl wouldn't tell her anything about herself. Not voluntarily. Maybe never.

"I need your date of birth and some normal dates. I won't ask you who Hotaru's father nor where your family is. I simply need some simple facts."

Haruka finished the cradle and shook her head.

_She doesn't want to know any facts. No one wants to know anything about me. _

"Why?" was all she asked in a low, icy voice and took care of the curtain. It was really cute with all those teddy bears.

"Because Michi injured really bad today. Elza can't help her, she's not a senshi, but Michi believes that you are. Once you are in a fight you will surely transform and understand everything."

Haruka made a face that told Setsuna that she didn't believe in her words, but the young woman simply ignored it.

"I have no idea if I can trust you, Haruka. I don't know you, not at all, but I have to trust you. I have to trust you that you will protect my Michi. That you will take care that she doesn't have to fight alone any longer when I am not around, especially at school. I simply have to trust you, Haruka, that you will be there for her. Because Michi is the most important person in my life. She's my little sister and I am responsible for her. If anything were to happen to her, I would never forgive myself. I love her the same you love your daughter, Haruka. Do you understand me?"

Haruka only nodded and played with the curtain.

"Please, Haruka. You need us..." Setsuna looked at all the bags and the cradle and then at the thin girl again. "... and we need you."

_**- You need a smart girl like me and I need a strong girl like you. -**_

_**- Do you really think so? -**_

_**- Of course. You don't know the rules here and I am too weak to defend myself. -**_

_**- I don't need anyone. -**_

_**- Here you do. See it as a deal. I will show you how to make money and you will have an eye on me, okay? -**_

_**- As a deal. -**_

_**- Com' on, you need a friend, don't ya? You look lonely. As lonely as I feel. -**_

_**- I don't need anyone. -**_

_**- Sure, strong one. I am Hikari. And who are you? -**_

_**- I don't need anyone and my name is nothing that concerns you. -**_

_**- Sure, strong one. -**_

Haruka blinked but the memory was gone as quickly as it had appeared. Quickly, she looked at Setsuna who scribbled away on the paper.

_See it, girl. You need their money for your daughter's operation and they need a bodyguard. As long as you only have to be the bodyguard, take that job. It's the easiest one you can get._

_But one million dollar just to have an eye on Michiru and to protect her against some rude guys?_

"You don't have to love us, Haruka, but we are all senshi, you have to accept your destiny."

_Love._

_I don't believe in love any longer._

_It's a dream, a myth. Some things that are described in cheap book and in silly Hollywood movies. But it will never come true. It's something that simply can't exist in reality._

_There's no love. Not for someone like me._

Haruka gulped and felt again her daughter in her arms, drinking greedily her milk.

_But for her. Maybe..._

"And now I need your date of birth and where you were born." Setsuna scribbled even faster on the sheet.

"Why?"

"Because I need to think of a good excuse why you change schools in the middle of the year," answered Setsuna, already busy with inventing a plausible background for the blonde. "And I need a story our school's headmaster believes."

"School?" Haruka's eyes grew wide. The last time she had seen a school from the inside had been when her parents were still alive, two years ago. "School?"

"Hai. I am too old to go to school with Michi, but you have the right age. We'll simply make you one year younger."

"But I hated school."

"So does Elza. Yet, she goes to school every day, too."

"No." Haruka shook her head. "I am too stupid! I've never finished school. They would know the truth when I'll have to write my first test in Japanese literature."

"Japanese literature is very hard, most people aren't very good in it." Setsuna chewed on her pen and scribbled again. "And this way, it's only good for you. Then you can finish your school while you protect my Michi. Isn't that a deal? Don't worry, Michi is very good at school. She will help you that you will pass the exams next summer."

"No. I won't go back to school! I have to take care of Hime-chan!"

"I work at home. I can take care of her. I can already change nappies. You only have to show me how to feed her the way you do."

"No." Haruka shook her head, totally terrified. "No, forget it."

"The school uniform shouldn't be a problem. I only need to phone Michiru's teacher and make sure that no one will ask stupid questions."

"I said no!"

"Do you have your last report somewhere? Oh... and I surely need some more facts. Okay, let's start again. When is your birthday?" Setsuna simply ignored Haruka's objection. She was too happy with her perfect idea.

"No. Forget it!" Haruka stood up with a sudden and pushed her hands into her new pants. "I won't go back to school. No way!"

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**Author's corner:**

Thank you all very much for your lovely comments. It always makes me happy to receive them.

Next update:

Haruka said very clearly that she won't go back to school. Ever again. Yet, she should have known better since Michiru can be really stubborn; and Setsuna simply doesn't listen.


	5. Chapter 2: Bach to a normal life 2

"Welcome to our school, Tenô-san."

The old man smiled friendly at her. It was early in the morning, but she was wide awake. And nervous. It all seemed to be like a dream. A dream she wasn't sure if it wouldn't turn into a nightmare the next moment. Michiru didn't go to school yesterday and they used the entire day to take care of Haruka's file: a small folder she had given to the old man only ten minutes ago. He had studied the papers carefully, made himself a copy and then gave it back to her. The papers looked the normal way. They were a little bit crumbled and yellowed. It was incredible what Setsuna could do with her computers. After a long argument, Haruka had finally showed her her last report unwillingly and accordingly to it, Setsuna had created a new one. She used most of Haruka's originally grades. The computer genius only changed Haruka's curriculum vitae, the same they changed her date of birth. Officially, she was seventeen now, as old as Elza and Michiru. Setsuna invented a story; she was really good in inventing stories. Now, Haruka was Michiru's cousin who had moved from Kyoto to Tokyo, whose parents were business people and worked in America. Therefore, she had to live with her far away relatives for the next months.

Haruka had protested loudly all day, but Setsuna could be very stubborn. More than once Haruka had said coldly that it was all in vain, that she wouldn't go to school. In the end, however, she agreed. Certainly not because of Setsuna's persistent words and not because of the guilt she felt when she changed into her new clothes that had been really expensive. She changed her mind as she saw Michiru limping through the day. As she saw Michiru sitting down on the couch with a wet, cold towel around her swollen ankle, watching Hotaru sleep in her new cradle next to her. Haruka stood for a long time unnoticed at the door and watched Michiru listening to classic music, rocking the cradle from time to time. With a sad expression in her face. With pain in deep blue eyes.

Haruka had never wanted to be responsible for someone else again. Not after she couldn't help Hikari. Not after she saw her best friend dying, in her arms. Only weeks later, however, she found out that she was pregnant. Then, Hotaru was born. She would always be responsible for that little girl who trusted her so blindly. And while she stood there, hearing Setsuna cursing in the distant that something didn't work properly, she had looked at Michiru. It was such a peaceful picture the way the girl she took care of a strange child she had only known for two days that it touched Haruka. It touched her deeply in her heart and she decided that she was not only responsible for her Hime-chan, but somehow for Michiru, as well. She couldn't define those feelings nor could she understand her own crazy thoughts, but she wanted to protect that girl with the sea green hair and the skin like porcelain. She didn't want to see the sadness in those eyes that were as deep as the sea any longer. She wanted to see her laugh. Haruka had never seen Michiru laugh, but she imagined that she would look beautiful. With a happy, an honest smile on that now so pale face.

That was the moment that Haruka decided that she would go to school again. That she would trust Setsuna to take care of Hotaru. That she would protect Michiru against those youmas they were talking about if it was necessary.

And now she was standing here. In the headmaster's office, looking in an old man's smiling face.

"I hope you will have a good time and do an excellent exam at the end of the term."

_Teachers, they are always saying the same._

Haruka nodded friendly and bowed. She had never liked her old teachers a lot, but he seemed to be nice. At least he looked understanding. That was the most important thing for her about a teacher, that they should listen and understand their pupils.

"But your marks are quite well, I don't doubt that you will have an excellent diploma at the end of the term."

Her grates. That was another point over which Setsuna and she had argued until Michiru interfered and decided which grates they should take from her old report and which they should change a little bit. Haruka was very angry as Setsuna actually changed her sport grate, because she had always been proud to be the best sprinter in her school. Now she had to stand behind. Setsuna invented another story so that she wouldn't have to take part in P.E. any longer. At least not in the complicate and exhausting parts of it. Haruka was raging, but Michiru and Setsuna told her that she had to save her powers for the fights against the youmas and that the sport teacher was really an asshole. He tortured all people - especially Michiru who didn't want to play volleyball because she didn't want to break her fingers. Michiru liked to play the violin a lot as Haruka learned, and she didn't want to ruin her career as a musician just because of that stupid school teacher. Therefore, they had decided to give her a worse mark and to counterfeit a certificate from Setsuna's doctor that would tell the teacher that she wasn't allowed to do any serious sport any longer, because of a dangerous appendicitis that had caused big complications during the operation.

"I'll do my best," answered Haruka honestly and held the folder tighter in her slightly trembling hands. She couldn't remember the last time she had been at school. It was so long ago. Over two long years. In another time. In another life.

Nevertheless, everything was felt so familiar: the chatting of the pupils outside the corridors, the laughing and the loud arguing of the younger ones, he low voices of the teachers, the scent of chalk and paper. And of coffee, of course. It was a long forgotten feeling that made Haruka shiver. Suddenly, she seemed to be fifteen again. Again she would go to her class and chat with her friends. To tease them around and to be teased in return. To annoy the teachers and to break another school record in sport. To be fetched up by her father who wanted to show her the opera he would play at during the next evening. To meet her mother in the city. In a nice little restaurant where they would eat dinner. Haruka would talk all evening, excitedly, feeling loved by her parents, deeply loved.

_Mommy._

_Daddy._

Haruka took a deep breath as she closed the door behind herself. Her new teacher was already waiting for her. She was small, almost half a head smaller than Haruka, but she looked determined and a little bit strict. Her dark violet hair was bound together in her neck and the costume she wore was grey .

"You are Tenô Haruka?" she asked and looked into a green book.

"Hai," bowed Haruka and gulped. It was really like a dream. From another life she used to live. Before the shadows came and took her away. Right into hell.

_I wish I could start again._

Of course she couldn't start from the beginning. She couldn't change what had happened. And some things she would never want to change, even if she had the power to do so. She loved her daughter and she would go again through that hell for her. Even if someone would turn back time, she would do the same to get her. Yet, she would change so many other things. She would buy that pullover for Hikari. She would force Hikari to go to that hospital earlier. She would never take those pills that soon lead to painful injections. She would never try to sell herself again. She would never steal again, rob an old woman, causing her to break her arm when she pushed her to the ground.

_I wish I could start again._

Haruka couldn't start again from the beginning, but she could start again from this point. She could try to make things better than she had done the past two years. She could try to make the best out of the life that was left for her. After all the dark nights, after all the cold days. After the hours in silence, in total loneliness. After the minutes of despair and pain. After the seconds of total giving up she could start anew.

"Konnichi wa, Haruka. I am Himato Sarah." She smiled and there was a slight accent in her voice, but only a slight one you would never get rid of, no matter how long you had lived in the country so far away from your birth place.

"Konnichi wa, Himato-sama."

The teacher smiled and crossed the corridor.

"Let's go to your new class, Haruka. You will see that you will feel fine here. And don't worry about the stuff you've missed during the past year, we have some really good clubs to learn after school."

Haruka made a confused face and the teacher smiled even friendlier.

"I read your file while I copied it," Her teacher smiled and winked at her. "I hope everything is fine again after the operation. My sister had the same problem. It was a simple operation, but she couldn't stand a special medicine they gave her. No one knew her allergy and she almost died. But she feels better now and next year she wants to work again. Sometimes, doctors can make you ill, can't they?"

"Hai," answered Haruka and held the folder tighter in her hands, cursing Setsuna once more for that bloody story. A story she wouldn't have believed herself, but all teachers seemed to take it for real.

"Your classmates might be wild sometimes, but they are all nice deep down in their hearts," Sarah opened the door and loud voices welcomed them. Some pupils chased each other around, some others tried to communicate through the entire classroom. A girl with long, dark hair tried to tidy the blackboard, but a boy stole her the sponge. Angrily she splashed him with water.

For a moment Haruka stood there in total silence and looked astonished at the chaos. Until her teacher pulled her with her after she had shut the door.

"Attention! I am here and if you don't want to weed the flowers in the school garden, you should be quiet now!" shouted Sarah. Suddenly all pupils were silent. A lot of eyes looked surprised at Haruka and she lowered her head a little bit until she saw Michiru. The sea green haired girl sat near the window. Quietly, she sat there, a book opened in her lap. Elza sat next to her, whispering loudly without breathing. Michiru only nodded, but obviously wasn't listening. However, the sudden silence seemed to disturb her. She raised her head and looked over to the teacher – and discovered Haruka standing there. For a moment they looked each other deep into the eyes. Then Michiru smiled encouragingly.

"That's your new classmate. Her name is Tenô Haruka and she moved from Kyoto, because her parents found a new job. That's right, isn't it?"

"Hai," nodded Haruka and was thankful as the teacher indicated her with a wave of her right hand to sit down. The blonde was really not in the mood to talk about herself. To make something up that would sound fantastic but was not true. Not any longer.

"Just sit down. You all can ask her later what she likes and what not, first, we have English lesson!" Suddenly, Haruka knew where that small accent came from. Sarah, that was not a Japanese name, but a typical name of the western world.

"Her? That's a girl?" shouted a boy from the end of the classroom and some other laughed. Haruka didn't say a word. She had decided for the boy's uniform, because she didn't feel right with a skirt. Setsuna didn't ask a lot as she drove to school to get it. Michiru wanted to have an extra long skirt that covered her ankles when she walked and Elza decided for an extra short one that hardly covered her knees. A school uniform was obligatory, but everyone changed it a little bit to make it unique. So why shouldn't Haruka wear pants, then?

"Of course that's a girl, are you blind?" shouted another girl back. It was the girl with long black hair who had tidied the blackboard. Next to her was an empty seat and she waved at Haruka to sit down next to her. On the other side of the small gangway between the tables sat Elza and Michiru, therefore, the tall blonde sat down.

"Hello, I am Tamara," introduced the girl herself and smiled. She wore the typical school uniform, but had made herself unique with the jewellery she wore. Her fingers were full with gold and she had used a lot of make up. Haruka wasn't sure if she would like her, but that was not the point. Not right now. Not while Sarah started her lesson and not while Haruka would take part at her first school day after over two years.

It felt so damn familiar.

So damn good.

As if she would really get another chance. To make something out of her life. Maybe she would really stay long enough to do the exams and have a real diploma. To be able to get better jobs to earn enough to get by with her daughter.

Haruka was very relieved when she found out that Sarah was a nice teacher. She only took the pupils to come to the table to solve a question who wanted to come or who chatted with their friends. The blonde could remember some words in English, as well, but it was so long ago, she would have made too many mistakes.

There was another hard question and while Haruka searched in the book Setsuna had given her yesterday evening, Michiru rose and went in front of the class to solve it. The blonde forgot her search for a moment and watched the girl. How she raised her arm and wrote some signs on the table to explain her words.

_She is intelligent._

_But somehow she looks cold. Colder than at home._

"You are new, so I want to tell you something," whispered Tamara next to her and stroked some strands of her curled hair behind her ears. "That's Meioh Michiru. She's a rich, spoiled girl. You shouldn't go nearer to her. She's bad and dirty."

Haruka frowned and looked quickly at her classmate. She had some other definitions in her mind of the words "bad" and "dirty". Especially of "dirty".

"She's never admitted it, but she's a lesbian. You shouldn't try to become a friend of her. She might infects you with that illness."

_Illness?_

_Infect?_

_**- Haru-chan, don't touch me! Don't! Please... -**_

_**- But I want you. I want to hold you, Hika-chan. I want so badly to love you. -**_

_**- You mustn't, Haru! You'd infect yourself! It's a bad illness, it will kill you sooner or later. It's not worth it! -**_

_**- Hika-chan... -**_

_**- Please, Haru. I want you to live... -**_

_Infect?_

_Illness?_

"Shut up, Tamara. Do you hear how stupid your words sound? To be a lesbian is neither dirty nor is it an illness. Or is it an illness to lust after every boy at school?" snapped Elza very loudly, not caring about the teacher who looked very strictly at her.

"I still don't understand how such a nice girl like you is a friend of that girl!"

"Michiru is a very nice girl!"

"She is cold and distant. And she isn't interested in boys."

Elza looked quickly around and grinned an evil grin while she put one foot on the table.

"I must admit that I am not interested in any of those boys, either. They are simply too young!"

Some boys shouted angrily, some other girls applauded. They obviously didn't like the clowns in their class, too.

"But she isn't even interested in older boys. She isn't interested in anyone. She is simply cold. A cold witch!" snapped Tamara back, not caring that Sarah coughed, pointedly.

_**- You are a lesbian, aren't you? -**_

_**- ... -**_

_**- You don't have to be ashamed of your feelings, Haru-chan. It's just the way you look at other women. The way you look at me. -**_

_**- If I made you feel uncomfortable, Hikari, I am sorry. -**_

_**- No, it's okay. You know, you can tell me everything. We are friends now, right? -**_

_**- Hai... -**_

Hikari had been the first person Haruka had told the truth. And she had been the only one. It was something that didn't concern anyone. What was the matter whom she liked more: boys or girls? No one would ever love someone like her. Besides, she had a daughter to take care of.

_Is Michiru really a lesbian?_

On the other hand, would it make any differences if the rich girl looked after a strong boy or a nice girl? Would anything change if they both would have the same preference for which a lot of people would hate them? Michiru needed someone to search for the talismans and she obviously needed someone to take care of her besides Elza who had herself not under control. Who already yelled at Tamara who of course yelled back. And Haruka needed Michiru to pay the operation for little Hotaru. Everything else was not important.

_Not important? What am I talking about? I've only know her for three days! Really, I should have learned that dreaming is senseless!_

Nevertheless, her mind had already started to dream. A long dream that was wonderful, but that would never come true.

Haruka looked back at the blackboard, but Michiru had turned her back towards them, writing down some signs very slowly. As if she would think of the translation of the last two verbs. Very easy verbs even Haruka could remember.

"You are the witch, Tamara! You have no feelings!"

"Oh, that's saying the one who..."

"Shut up you two! Out of the corridor and don't come back until you didn't calm down!" said Sarah in a low voice that allowed no protest. Elza and Tamara exchanged angry glares before they did as they were told. You cold hear them argue even through the door until Sarah opened the door and told them to be quiet. To behave like decent girls.

Finally, Michiru finished her task. She did an excellent job. As always as the teacher said. Nontheless, Haruka could see that the girl was pale as she sat down at her table again. As she took her pen to write down the next task. Her hand shook and Haruka could see some tears sparkling in blue eyes.

Suddenly she knew why Setsuna was so concerned.

And suddenly she liked Elza a lot more.

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"Tamara?"

The black haired girl turned around and smiled happily at her. They were changing rooms to go to their biology lesson. Haruka could hardly remember anything she had ever learned about animals and plants, but it sounded better than English.

"Hai, Haruka?"

_**- Don't listen to them, Haru-chan. You know that they are lying, because they don't know any better. They don't know who you really are so they spit in your face instead. -**_

_**- But I can't simply let them insult you! -**_

_**- It wasn't that bad, Haru. I can live with that. -**_

_**- But I can't! They called you a whore. -**_

_**- Well... -**_

_**- They are wrong! It's wrong to insult you! -**_

_**- Haru... -**_

She had defended Hikari. They had been four guys and she had been alone. Of course they hurt her, but she won in the end. She could rescue Hikari's pride or the rest that was left of it. She had felt better afterwards. A lot better.

"Insult Michiru again and I'll be very angry with you. Elza is innocent in comparison to me."

"Nani?" Dark eyes grew wide and Tamara stared unbelieving at her.

Haruka only turned away and went over to the classroom, leaving a very confused girl behind.

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Michiru swam in her swimming pool at home. She liked the water. It was clear and pleasant fresh. Here, she could think and have a little time on her own.

Soft violin music filled the air and she closed her eyes as she turned herself on the back and trusted herself completely to the water. To the wet element that would never harm her. Not her, the senshi of the ocean, the child of the sea.

The last two weeks had been like a dream. Every morning, she stood up and ate breakfast together with Haruka. First, the tall blonde fed her daughter and put her back to sleep in her new cradle, then, she served herself a roll with chocolate cream. It was nice to have someone in the morning she could talk to. About school, but also about other things. About her music, about her drawings. Haruka had been very surprised when she told her that she had drawn all the paintings hanging around in their house. The same she had been surprised when she showed her proudly all the CDs she had already recorded. Haruka admitted that she had never been very interested in classic music and that she had never heard of her, but Michiru wasn't angry. She was even happy that Haruka liked her music when she played it to her from the CD recorder. Yes, it was nice to talk to her in the morning. Setsuna hardly ever went to bed before dawn, therefore, she hardly ever left her cosy bed before noon. Michiru couldn't remember a morning when Setsuna hadn't spent the morning under her blankets or had looked otherwise like a zombie when she had to leave it earlier than lunch time. Haruka's presence was fantastic especially on the weekend: to make a long breakfast with the blonde and her daughter and to talk to her about the past week or simply about the stuff that stood in the newspaper they got every morning.

Haruka was very smart. She learned quickly what she had missed during the past time. At school, she was always together with Elza and Michiru and suddenly, Tamara had stopped to argue with Michiru. Slowly, they had created a routine for the evenings: they came home, Haruka took care of Hotaru while Michiru had some rehearsals. Later, Setsuna would make something to eat and after dinner they sat together in Haruka's room to make homework and to learn for the next test. Haruka's English was miserable and she didn't like literature, but she liked biology. Right now, their teacher was telling them a lot of some special birds and she could memorise their lives very well. And the blonde seemed to be a genius in math. Michiru had never liked math and was fascinated that someone could count so quickly.

For the first time since what felt like ages, Michiru didn't feel alone any longer. Okay, there were Setsuna and Elza, but somehow it was not the same. They both belonged to her family, Haruka was a friend.

_Is she really a friend?_

_Really?_

Until now there had been no other youma and therefore, there had been no other chance to find out if Haruka was really Sailor Uranus. Consequently, they had a lot of time to get to know each other better. Or at least to get to know about the other one's habits. When Michiru went downstairs yesterday, soft classic music was already filling the kitchen and Haruka had tried to make coffee. Michiru took care of the rolls in return. Haruka had confessed to her that she was a really bad cook and that she could burn water, therefore she mostly took the easy tasks in the kitchen and left the big ones to Michiru or Setsuna.

_Really?_

_A real friend?_

Michiru spread her arms and let out her breath. Soft water played with her open hair and she simply enjoyed that feeling. Hotaru was a lovely child. Michiru hardly noticed that Haruka got up in the middle of the night to feed her. The little girl often looked a little bit pale and got quickly exhausted whenever you played with her, but she was very attentive. With her big eyes she tried to discover the world and grabbed for everything she could get into her little fingers. Her laughter was very quiet, but when she smiled it was an honest smile that made Michiru feel happy and loved. She wanted to hold that child forever. To love it. She had known her for only two weeks, but she couldn't imagine her life any longer without the little girl. The cradle was also fantastic. Elza did a good job in buying it. The teddy bears were simply cute and they fitted perfectly to the big teddy bear Setsuna bought secretly and simply put it next to the cradle. Just like she bought a little dolphin she gave to a surprised Haruka. With the words that Haruka should give Hotaru her very first toy and that Setsuna would give Hotaru the teddy bear afterwards as her second toy.

It was a gesture that made Michiru very proud of her sister. They both didn't know a lot about Haruka, but they knew that she had left school when she was nearly sixteen, that she had lived in a small flat and that she had hardly any money to afford any toys for Hotaru. Setsuna, however, didn't want to push Haruka away, therefore, she gave her the dolphin and later on Hotaru the teddy bear. Now, Haruka's room looked more like a child's room. There were many toys lying on the ground. There was even a rocking horse Hotaru wouldn't be able to use before she was at least one year old. Yet, Setsuna simply bought it while she went shopping with Elza last Friday. They had both spent all afternoon in Tokyo city and when they returned they had been packed like two donkey. With a lot of toys and fairy tale books to tell the little girl nice stories before she had to sleep.

It took Michiru one hour to convince her sister that Hotaru wouldn't need a colouring book until she wouldn't go to the kindergarten. Michiru had never seen Setsuna nor Elza that crazy, but at the same time she had to admit that she was as crazy as them.

_They all simply fell in love with our little sunshine._

_We'll have the first appointment with the doctor in two days._

Michiru didn't tell Haruka yet. She had talked to her parent's doctor yesterday and somehow needed her time to get ready for that appointment. She really loved that little girl and she was really afraid of what the doctor would tell them. What he would say about the operation. What the tests would show them. Haruka had never seen a good doctor, a specialist. Maybe the other doctors were wrong? Or, what seemed to be even worse, maybe they were right? Michiru had promised Haruka to take care of Hotaru. To pay the operation and to let her live here at least as long as it would take the little girl to recover completely. Maybe they would find the talismans in the meantime. Michiru didn't know if Haruka wanted to go after they had completed their mission. She didn't dare to ask. She didn't want to look like a total idiot, to beg someone she hardly knew to stay when everything was over. Yet, somehow she couldn't imagine her life any longer without those two. In merely two weeks, they had managed to fit so well in her life that she would miss them badly if they had to go again one day.

Maybe it's because Haruka's Sailor Uranus and Hotaru is simply her daughter.

_Maybe it has to do something with our past. With the destiny the queen was talking about when Sissy and I got our henshin. Maybe it's simply karma._

Michiru let herself being part of the water and moved her legs lazily.

She didn't tell Setsuna about the operation. She simply didn't know how. She couldn't tell her sister that she had forced Haruka to come with her. That she had told Haruka that she would pay for the operation when Haruka would take the henshin and fight with them. She didn't want her sister to think less of her. However, sooner or later Setsuna would find out about Hotaru's illness and then she had to find a good excuse.

The melody got quieter and she looked over to the rim. Haruka stood there. She still wore her uniform pants, but had pulled a dark green pullover over the white shirt. It fitted perfectly to her eyes and suited her very well. Hotaru rested in her arms and stretched her tiny hands towards the wet element. She seemed to like the sparkling of the surface.

"What's up?" asked Michiru and swam over to the blonde. With an elegant motion she left the swimming pool and wrapped a towel around her body. It was warm in the house, but nevertheless she always froze when she left the water, especially when she still wore her light blue swimming suit.

"Dinner is ready. Elza cooked."

"Oh, oh..." Michiru made a terrified face, but had to grin as Haruka smiled.

"Setsuna helped her. Guess she could save most of it."

"Okay, then I'll come." The sea goddess wanted to turn away to get her bathrobe, but tiny hands held her back. Or better, her wet strands. Hotaru looked fascinated at the water drops that sparkled like diamonds in her hairs. "You like the water, don't ya?" whispered Michiru and giggled softly.

"She is as crazy as a mermaid," admitted Haruka and freed carefully Michiru's strands out of greedy fingers. "But it's too dangerous for her." For a moment the tall girl looked longing at the water, then she whispered some nice words to her daughter who laughed silently.

"Tell Sissy to give me two more minutes to change." Michiru grabbed her bathrobe and stood for some moments alone in the swimming hall as Haruka was gone. Deciding if it had been a good idea that had just occurred to her.

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"I can't believe that you forgot the salt."

Setsuna shook her head as she served herself some mashed potatoes.

"I can't stand any salt. You know that. It's not healthy," defended Elza herself and made a depressive face.

"But it tastes." Setsuna watched Michiru covering her mashed potatoes with a thick layer of mustard and sighed deeply. The only one who seemed to eat normal was Haruka. Well, more or less. The blonde simply sat there and stared at her meal, poking it with her fork to make sure that it was indeed dead and wouldn't stand up in the middle of the dinner and run away.

"Can't at least one of us eat normally?"

"You do, that's enough," answered Elza happily and gave them each two fried eggs. The red haired girl liked to make dinner, but she refused to touch any meat. She hated meat, but had a lot of other possibilities to make a good meal without meat. The only one who complained sometimes was Setsuna, but one look in the young woman's smiling face made sure that she was only teasing Elza around.

"And Hime-chan." The three girls only needed one day to get to know Haruka's nickname for her daughter and now they all used it. With a warm tone in their voices.

"She likes her mash and doesn't have to eat this," giggled Michiru and swirled the mustard, the mashed potatoes and the eggs around on her plate until it looked like a big battle field.

"It's not that bad," munched Elza happily and reached for the ketchup bottle. She didn't like meat nor salt, but she would kill for a good ketchup.

"No." Setsuna ate with both fork and knife since they couldn't eat mashed potatoes with chop sticks, and tried to ignore that Haruka only used one fork, that Michiru fought with her dinner as if it was her worst enemy and that Elza only used her spoon to eat quickly. "It's okay, Elza."

"Thanks for your praise."

"But it would be better with a sausage."

"Oh, Sissy!!!" cried Elza out and shook her head. "What do you think, Haruka? It's nice that way, isn't it?"

The tall blonde reached for the cheese and put some quarters into the golden mass.

"It is nice, don't worry," she answered quickly, because she knew that Elza could be really the death for one's nerves.

"And what are you doing? Playing hide and seek with your cheese?" asked Michiru while she killed her second egg and buried it under a thick layer of mustard.

"It melts and tastes delicious. My mother used to do that when I was small."

For a moment there was silence, because it was the first time that Haruka had told them something about her past.

"My mother always made little hedgehogs out of tomatoes and put them on top of the meals. Really cute."

"Oh... do you want to say that I should do that, too?"

"No, I don't want you to cut off your fingers."

"Oh!" Elza pouted and filled her mouth quickly with another spoon full of egg and ketchup and kept quiet.

"How had been your athletics club, Elza?" changed Michiru the topic because she didn't want to hear her sister and Elza argue. Normally, those fights were funny. They were just teasing each other around. During te last time, however, those fights became somehow more serious. Sometimes, Elza was really angry and Setsuna so strangely cold. Michiru didn't know what was going on, but she knew that she wanted to eat in peace.

"Fine."

"Athletics Club?" asked Haruka interested and looked satisfied as she found out that the cheese had already melted. Hotaru babbled in her dreams. They had put the cradle in the kitchen. Orpheus laid lazily next to it. The dog didn't like vegetarian food and would start to beg again tomorrow when Setsuna would make their dinner. Hopefully with a lot of meat.

"Hai. We practice very hard. Next year there'll be a competition and if I'll win it I can go to the official games of Japan. Would be great."

"Then I wish you luck."

"Arigato, I am working very hard for it."

"Hai, she is very fast," answered Michiru and remembered slightly that Haruka had told her that she had been very good in athletics, as well. Yet, she wasn't sure if she should mentioned it. Haruka didn't look as if she wanted to talk about it.

"Hai. Every time she has to set the table, she's so quick that I have to do it," answered Setsuna and reached again for the salt. Elza only showed her her tongue before she filled her mouth again.

"And how was your math test today, Michi?"

The sea green haired girl only groaned and tried to hide behind her fork.

"Let's talk about it when we'll get it back, okay?"

Setsuna raised her eyebrows, then she sighed and nodded.

"Okay."

"Just because you've been so good in it doesn't mean that I am good, too."

"But you could do better, I know that."

"It's so complicate. To play my violin is a lot easier."

"Maybe..."

Elza suddenly jumped from her chair and Orpheus looked tiredly up.

"Let's listen to music while we eat. It's so quiet today. What do you wanna hear, Haruka?" she shouted as she walked over to the living room. "We have classic music à la Michiru. Then we have my music. That's mostly punk rock. Wild, but very nice..."

"Nice to get a head ache," whispered Setsuna, but got pale as Elza raised another CD. Quickly, she rose and went over to the living room to get it.

"And that's Sissy's music."

"That's unfair. Give it back to me!"

"Do you know what this is, Haruka?"

"Grey Elza! Take it down! At the instant!"

"Do you know what it is?"

Elza jumped on the couch so that Setsuna couldn't reach the CD. The young woman stumbled over a sport magazine and almost fell on the ground.

"Elza!"

"She always listens to folk music. Japanese folk music! You should hear that music. Like dogs howling in the night, because it's full moon. And then the lyrics... the love seems to float out of the CD player when you listen to it."

"That means punishment!"

Setsuna finally got to grab Elza's sleeve and pulled her with her on the couch. Soon, they both fought with each other, but Setsuna was stronger. Elza started to laugh helplessly as the young woman tickled her, and she begged for help.

"Help! Haruka! Michiru!"

"Better not or my sister won't talk to me for the next days," said Michiru and finished her meal.

Haruka only watched them. Teasing each other around. The tall blonde looked around in the kitchen, looked at Hotaru sleeping peacefully in her cradle, looked at Orpheus lying like a guarding dog in front of it. She looked at the table, saw the different sauces standing there. Mustard for Michiru, ketchup for Elza, salt and pepper for Setsuna. And now cheese for Haruka. They had found out soon that Haruka liked cheese a lot. Chocolate milk in the morning and something with cheese in the evening. They ate their lunch mostly in the cafeteria at school. If they had time, they did it together, but mostly Michiru had some rehearsals and so only an always chatting Elza accompanied her. Just like some other students. Most of the pupils were really nice to her and even Tamara was friendly. After she had told her that she liked Michiru and didn't let her be insulted by someone, the dark haired girl was cold and a little bit distant, but she never really shouted at her or was angry or simply hated her. As so many people had done before.

_This is like being home._

Haruka gulped as the thought simply crossed her mind.

This was a normal Wednesday evening. She was sitting here at a normal table, eating a normal dinner. Hearing happy people teasing each other around. Suddenly, she felt as if she belonged here. To this place. To those people. A feeling that could fail every day. When they found out that she was the wrong one to fight. Or when they would find those talismans. When they found out who she really was. Then they wouldn't want her to be a friend any longer. No one wanted to have someone like her to be family. No one.

_But still it feels like being home._

It felt like a normal life she once had lead. When her parents had been alive. When she had been a cheeky, but happy girl. When she had been her mother's darling and her father's pride.

_Even if it's only a dream, it's a damn nice feeling._

Haruka turned her head and watched the happy smiling face of her little daughter for a long time. Automatically, she rose and went over to the cradle. She knelt down next to Orpheus who crept nearer to her, and rocked the cradle carefully. Hotaru didn't awake; she only held the little dolphin tighter in her small arms.

_I've always wanted to give you such a family, Hime-chan._

_I've always wanted you to grow up in such a crazy family that will love you, no matter what._

_I've always wanted to grant you everything this world can offer._

Yes, it was only a dream. A dream limited in time. As soon as the operation would be over, as soon as they would have found those talismans, Haruka would be forced to leave. Then, this dream would be over. The dream of belonging to nice people who liked her. Her, the dyke. Her, the junkie. Her, the criminal. Her, the...

It was only a dream. Haruka knew it. But for that tiny time she wanted to believe in it. She simply wanted to dream that dream. Even if the wakening up would break her heart.

Michiru watched Haruka in silence. Then, she sat down next to her on the ground and smiled at her while she petted Orpheus. The dog obviously enjoyed that attention a lot.

"Guess you've already realized that they are always that way," she pointed with her head over to Setsuna and Elza. The young woman sat now on Elza's stomach and tickled her softly. The red haired girl only laughed and begged for mercy.

"I like that way," admitted Haruka, but didn't turn away from the baby. "They are funny."

"Hai, they are."

Finally, Elza was able to free herself. She jumped over the table and came running over to them. "So, what kind of music do you want to listen to?"

Haruka frowned and thought for some seconds.

"Don't you have a musical box? Guess Hime-chan would like that."

Elza nodded.

"Hai, Sissy still has one. Wonder if she needs it to fall asleep."

As Setsuna made a dark face and blushed, Elza burst out into laughter.

dbdbdb

Setsuna filled the dishwasher. Haruka was upstairs to get Hotaru ready for bed and Michiru wanted to practice her violin play. She had another rehearsal today and an important concert in the weekend. She had already invited them all and even Elza, who normally didn't like classic music so much, agreed to come.

"Sissy?"

Setsuna stiffed as suddenly two arms embraced her from behind and felt a smaller body pressing itself against her.

"What's up, little one?"

"You know that I am only teasing you around, don't you?" Elza's voice was strangely quiet. Setsuna couldn't see the smaller girl's expression and frowned a little bit.

"Of course I know that, little one."

"So you aren't angry with me?"

"No."

Elza let out a relieved sigh and pulled Setsuna closer for a brief moment. Then, she let suddenly go.

"Then it's okay."

With those words Elza left the kitchen, left a still frowning Setsuna behind who stared at the open door, forgetting that she still held a dirty plate in her suddenly trembling hands.

dbdbdb

Michiru couldn't concentrate on her violin play. She had to talk to Haruka about the appointment they would have with the doctor in only two days.

The girl put the instrument down and went over to the other girl's room. She knocked once. Twice. She entered the room quietly as no one answered, because she didn't want to wake Hotaru up. However, the little girl wasn't in her cradle. Nor was she on the bed. Haruka was nowhere to be seen, as well.

The door to the bathroom was open and Michiru could hear a low voice singing. It sounded a little bit wrong, but was sung with a lot of love.

_"When the last eagle flies over the last crumbly mountain_

_When the last lion growls at the last thirsty fountain..."_

Michiru smiled as she recognized the main song from a cartoon she had once loved a lot. When she had been a small child. When she had still believed in miracles. Just like the unicorn that could free her fellows. And, what was normally impossible for a creature like her, to fall in love and to feel sorrow. The song went on and Michiru only stood there in the middle of the room and listened to the nice, maybe a little bit wrong but definitely soft voice. Haruka didn't remember all of the lyrics. Instead, she started to hum the melody whenever the words left her.

_"When the last room is cast_

_Over the last star of morning_

_And the future has past_

_Without leaving a last desperate warning..."_

Haruka's text left her once more and she decided to hum the following lines. There was a silent giggle accompanying her slightly shaking voice. And the noise of water falling down. Tiny drops of water breaking the surface.

_"It's the last unicorn._

_I am alive._

_I will live."_

Although slightly trembling, Haruka's voice was clear as she sang the song. Clear and a little bit sad. Michiru frowned and was reminded of the reason why she was here: to talk to the blonde about her daughter. About the doctor's appointment. And about the operation that would take place soon. It was up to the doctor to decide in two days how soon they'd be at the hospital, praying for a little girl to become healthy again.

_Don't worry, Hime-chan, you will live._

Michiru gulped and stepped over to the bathroom. And froze at the door. Haruka knelt on the soft carpet in front of the bathtub. She was holding Hotaru carefully in her arms. The little girl was covered with surely warm water up to her chest. A red ducky was swimming over the surface, Michiru assumed that this was another present of Setsuna, and tiny hands tried to grab it. A happy smile was on a redden face and the fluffy dark hair was damp. But what made Michiru hesitate was the fact that Haruka was naked, too.

For some long moments, the rich girl could only stand there. Staring at the blonde. Seeing the thin body in front of her. Really seeing it clearly, not hiden in the shadows of the flat while Haruka had changed her clothes over two weeks ago. There were some scars that covered thin arms. Michiru couldn't define them. Maybe they were from the IVs. Haruka hadn't told her about it, but the scar crossing her slim belly revealed that Hotaru's birth hadn't been an easy one. Certainly, Haruka had been forced to stay in hospital longer and those other scars would fade within the next months. Her breasts were small. Small but well formed. For a brief second Michiru wondered how Haruka would look breastfeeding little Hotaru, and blushed deeply as she asked herself how they would feel to touch. You could see several rips under pale skin and Michiru decided that Haruka had to eat more. She had to put on weight, because she had to be strong. For herself, for the mission and, what was the most important thing, for her daughter. The operation wouldn't be easy. Hotaru was so tiny, Michiru couldn't imagine that anyone could operate her tiny heart. How that should be possible. Haruka needed all her powers to get through that hard time. Hotaru would certainly have to spend some weeks at the hospital and Haruka wasn't allowed to break down because she was almost starved. She had to be there for her daughter. She had to be strong for the both of them.

Suddenly, Michiru knew that Haruka had been exactly that during the past year: being strong for the both of them. That it was also the reason why she was so thin.

_She can't take that responsibility all alone._

Michiru gulped and stepped a little bit closer, causing some noises that made Haruka raise her head. She looked deeply into big green eyes. Haruka blushed deeply while Hotaru turned her head and held the ducky proudly in her tiny hands.

"I didn't hear you come," whispered Haruka and took her daughter out of the water. Carefully, she wrapped her into a soft towel and started to dry her. Michiru knew that it was embarrassing for the blonde. The entire situation was embarrassing, but she would take care of her daughter first, then she would search for something to cover her nakedness.

"I should have knocked on the door," answered Michiru and reached for the bathrobe. "Gomen nasai. I didn't want to embarrass you," she hang the bathrobe around Haruka's shoulders. The blonde rose and went over to the bed to get Hotaru into her nappy, her pyjamas and finally into the cradle to sleep for the next hours.

"I have nothing you haven't seen before," tried the blonde to tease and put her daughter carefully on the soft blankets. Then, she reached for the nappy and the pyjamas. "Or at least, nothing special."

Michiru watched her for a moment in silence and was reminded of the scar that crossed Haruka's entire belly. Before she knew what she was doing, she sat behind the tall girl and had put her hands under the soft cloth of the bathrobe. It was dark green and Elza chose it while she had searched for a new swimming suit for herself. Tenderly, Michiru stroked over soft skin, felt goose flesh and the scar under her finger tips.

Haruka didn't react. She only sat there, staring down at her daughter who grabbed the nappy and pulled it over her head. After a few minutes, she got bored of that game, yawned and settled slowly into sleep. Being half covered with the nappy and the soft towel. Haruka's eyes grew wide but she couldn't turn away. It was such a gentle touch. So soft... almost loving... It was such a long time since someone had stroked her body. Her now so ugly, disfigured body.

"Was it a very hard birth?" came Michiru's voice from somewhere far away. Haruka gulped, still not able to move. Hardly able to breathe.

"It was okay," she whispered finally, still feeling those tender hands on her skin. Touching the scar that made her ugly, but that made her damn proud at the same time. "Hime-chan simply didn't want to get born. She was upside down in my belly and the doctors didn't want to risk anything. So they decided for a caesarean and before I could react she was born. A cute, little girl." Haruka's voice was husky, but full of pride. "It was the most wonderful moment in my life when I was allowed to hold her for the very first time."

Michiru didn't respond anything. She only stopped to caress the scar and wrapped her arms around the slim body in front of her, pulling the blonde a little bit nearer.

"Don't worry, you won't lose her," she whispered after a long time, speaking Haruka's deepest fears out loud. "I've called up my parent's doctor. He's a specialist. He knows what he does."

Michiru leaned her head against Haruka's shoulder and asked herself silently why it felt so incredibly familiar. Why she didn't want to let her go. Damn! She had only known her for two weeks. Okay, Haruka was Uranus, her partner by the stars and by destiny, but this all couldn't be happening so fast!

_Am I really so lonely?_

_I can't push her like that!_

But nevertheless she couldn't let go. Not as simply as that.

"We have an appointment with him on Friday afternoon. That's in two days. He wants to run some tests with Hotaru and then decide what we can do best."

Michiru simply held Haruka tightly who still didn't move. She only stared down at herself, seeing the arms being wrapped around her body under the bathrobe.

_What is she doing?_

_Why does this feel so good?_

Haruka had never been closer to a person, although she had tried. The rude guy almost killed her and Hikari pushed her away every time she tried to embrace her. To hold her tight. The way Michiru did with her right now. Hikari had her reasons for doing so. What were Michiru's reasons?

_Is that important?_

Haruka lowered her head and closed her eyes. Feeling again how damned lonely her life had become since her parent's death. Since Hikari had left her in a cold night. Little Hotaru was the light in her darkness, but she couldn't replace the family Haruka wished for so badly. Not all alone.

_She doesn't know you. Remember that, Haruka. Once she will know who you've been, who you still are, she will push you away. She will be disgusted once she knows the truth. The ugly truth._

Haruka bit on her lower lip and gulped.

_Right now she doesn't know._

_Is it really worth the pain?_

_The pain that will surely follow after some moments of luck? False luck?_

_The pain of knowing that you will be alone forever? A loneliness you will surely not be able to bare once after you've felt how it can be to be together with someone as nice as Michiru?_

"I need to get Hime-chan ready for her cradle. She already sleeps..." Haruka's voice was husky, but she didn't notice it. Michiru felt how the body next to her started slightly to tremble and blinked. And blinked again. Realizing right at that moment what she was doing.

"Gomen..." she whispered and let Haruka go. She missed the warm body immediately and blushed because of the reaction of her own. "I didn't intend to..."

Haruka didn't answer. She helped her sleeping daughter in the nappy and the light blue baby pyjamas and brought her to bed. Then, she started the musical box Setsuna had actually searched and found for her. It played an old lullaby Haruka had forgotten the lyric over the years.

"Sleep well," she whispered and kissed redden cheeks. Hotaru only held her dolphin tighter and smiled in her sleep. She couldn't hear her mother's tender words any longer.

Haruka knelt next to the cradle and felt how Michiru stepped behind her, also looking down at the little baby.

"Is the meeting okay with you? Friday afternoon?" asked the rich girl and ran her hands nervously through her sea green curls.

"Of course." Haruka didn't look up. Slowly, she rocked the cradle and hummed to the musical box's melody.

"Don't worry, this doctor is one of the best in Japan."

Michiru wanted to squeeze Haruka's shoulder, yet somehow she didn't dare to touch the other girl again. Consequently, she sighed deeply and went over to the door.

"Good night, Haruka."

Haruka didn't respond anything. She knelt there for another long time, staring at her sleeping daughter. The musical box died slowly away and silence welcomed her. A silence that seemed to strangle her. She gasped hard for breath and tried to ignore the panic raising in her body. For the first time she was really afraid. Now that she had the chance to let her daughter be operated she thought about the consequences. What it would mean to cut into such a tiny body. What it would mean for little Hotaru to experience all that pain. Certainly, they would give her pain killers, but Haruka knew too well that even their powers were limited.

Haruka shivered and slowly went over to the bed. She had to sleep a little bit. The next day would be another long day at school and she didn't dare to fall asleep and cause trouble. The blonde sat down on the soft mattress, brought her legs to her chest and wrapped her arms around her knees. Tears sparkled in her eyes as she looked over to the cradle. To the teddy bears and the musical box.

She didn't want to think about what it would mean if the doctor would tell them that Hotaru's chance to survive was tiny. Maybe that she had no chance at all. That they were too late, because Haruka had wasted the past two months for earning money with a low-paid job that would have never been enough.

_Please... don't let her die._

The blonde lowered her head and sighed deeply, not willing to let her tears fall. Crying never changed anything. It only made her weak and so damned tiny.

_I need her. She's the only light in my life. She's the only one who needs me. Who loves me..._

At that moment she heard the violin music. It came from Michiru's room. The melody was slow and endlessly sad. Haruka gulped and closed her eyes. Again she felt those soft arms being wrapped around her waist. Again she felt Michiru being pressed against her back. Again she felt the comfort and the sympathy she might confuse with other feelings if she didn't stop to think about it.

_It had been such a nice touch._

It let her forget all her problems, all her doubts and all her fears for just a small moment.

_Baka! Stop dreaming and face reality!_

The violin music went on, just like her own thoughts started to spin around. In a direction she didn't like at all.

_I've been too lonely for a time too long._

Haruka covered herself with a blanket and rolled herself to a ball. For a long time she laid there. Simply there. Trying to think of nothing. Of nothing at all. After what seemed to have been hours she finally found sleep. A restless, exhausting sleep. Full of nightmares.

The violin music accompanied her the entire time. Trying to be there for her. Trying to comfort her. Trying it all in vain.

dbdbdb

School had been incredibly long. All the teachers seemed to have told them total nonsense. All she wanted was to go home and to lay down and sleep.

Michiru sighed and held her violin case tighter. She couldn't be go home and be lazy, because she had a rehearsal to attend now. Elza and Haruka weren't around, as well. They had a special course, because their last English tests hadn't been as good as the teacher expected them to be. They would take a taxi later to get home. Setsuna wanted to make dinner this evening. Smoke-dried eel and French fries, although she preferred rice istead. But Elza had convinced her to eat it in a more modern, a western way and leave the stupid rice they could eat any other day. Setsuna had sighed and therefore, they would eat their eel with French fries this evening. Of course Elza would get scrambled eggs to her French fries – with a lot of ketchup. Setsuna looked sceptically every time, but as long as Elza liked it, she would make it. The same she never said a word when Michiru drowned her French fries with mustard.

_Does Haruka want to put cheese over her French fries, the same she had put it into her mashed potatoes the last time?_

Michiru giggled at that thought, but sighed deeply the next moment. Tomorrow the meeting with the doctor was scheduled and she was really, really excited. She hoped that her family's doctor could help little Hotaru. Otherwise, Michiru didn't know what to do. She couldn't just wait and sit until the little girl would die.

Michiru took a deep breath and forced herself to think of something else. The doctor was a specialist, surely he could help Hotaru. And then everything would be fine.

"Finally you are alone, dyke!"

The voice was low and came out of the nothing. Michiru winced and jerked around. Someone grabbed her violin case and it landed in the dirt, but before she could react, she was pushed against the wall of the gymnasium. Surprised, she looked at the girl who held her arms tightly behind her back.

"I simply don't like your kind. I don't like to go to the same class with someone like you."

"Then change classes," snapped Michiru back and tried to free herself. However, the last night had been exhausting. She hardly slept. Then a long day at school, two tests to write. Two long hours when she had to concentrate, but could hardly keep her mind on the questions at hand. Her head ached and her body screamed for sleep.

"I don't like to see how those two girls hang out with you. They deserve a better friend than you!"

"Oh, you mean, they deserve someone like you?" Michiru struggled, but couldn't free herself. Oh, if she could transform into Sailor Neptune, she would be powerful enough to defend herself, but as Meioh Michiru she was simply weak.

"Shut up!" Tamara slapped her right into the face. "I hate you bloody dykes! You think you are special, but you are all perverts! I won't let you infect those other pupils, too! I won't..."

Michiru never got to know what Tamara didn't want to happen, because the next moment she was gone. Or better, she laid on the ground. A shadow knelt over her, holding a broken milk bottle in the right hand.

_**- Leave her in peace! -**_

_**- But I've already paid! -**_

_**- You've got what you paid for! -**_

_**- No, I... -**_

_**- She's hurt, can't you see, you asshole? Now go, before I forget my manners. -**_

_**- Manners? What manners? You forget who you are, bitch! -**_

_**- Go or I will kill you! -**_

Haruka held the bottle in her right hand and Tamara's shoulder in her left one. She crouched over the girl who didn't have a chance to escape her steely grip. Who was too surprised to react. Dark green eyes sparkled in a raging storm over her and her normally pale face was deeply red. Suddenly, the normally calm and nice girl who was very good in math but not so good in languages looked very dangerous.

_**- Go away from her or I will kill you, you pervert! -**_

Again, Haruka heard her own voice in her mind. Again, she saw Hikari leaning against the wall. With a torn shirt. It had been covered with blood. Again, she saw the thick man standing in front of her. Grinning. Grinning until she broke his nose and his right arm.

"Never touch her again!" she gritted through her teeth and held the broken bottle a little bit higher. She had learned quickly how to make a weapon out of anything. You needed that knowledge to survive hell. She had survived it 13 months. Incredibly long 13 months.

"Never, do you hear me?!"

The next moment someone was touching her shoulder. She jerked around and looked in blue eyes. They were big. Big with fear.

"It's okay, Haruka. Let her go," whispered Michiru with a husky voice, obviously trembling. It was not only the broken bottle that made her shiver. It was also Haruka's determined expression. Determined to hurt Tamara.

_You don't know who she is nor do you know where she comes from._

Michiru gulped.

_But she protected me. Isn't that her task as a senshi? To protect the other senshi and to find the talismans?_

"Please, Haruka."

The blonde blinked. And blinked again. Then she nodded and stood up. Not looking again at a still speechless Tamara, she threw the bottle into the next dustbin and simply walked away. Suddenly, she looked smaller than she originally was. And she looked somehow broken. It was a picture that made Michiru's heart break.

_She only wanted to help me._

_Now she surely thinks that I am angry._

"What the hell was that?" whispered Tamara as she came to her feet. She gulped and ordered her clothes.

"That's what you get for being so intolerant. If you don't like me, that's no problem. Then try to find other friends. But leave me in peace, okay?" Michiru grabbed her violin case and quickly looked at a pale Tamara again. "This is a big world. We can both live on it, okay?"

Tamara didn't respond anything, but her dark eyes sparkled as Michiru ran away. To find Haruka. She even cancelled her rehearsal, but she couldn't find her.

dbdbdb

"Are you sure that they need another ten minutes?" Setsuna leaned against the kitchen's table and watched critical how Elza looked into the oven.

"Surely. Ah! That's hot!" Elza spat out the French fries she had stolen and looked miserable. Setsuna only giggled.

"That's what you deserve, you greedy girl."

"Pah!" Elza showed her her sore tongue. "Otherwise, you would serve raw potato stripes!"

"Okay, I'll stop at the Italian restaurant when I'll drive you home and treat you to an ice cream."

"Chocolate flavour?"

"Of course."

"And lemon?"

"If you want."

"And melon?"

"Don't you think..."

"And coffee. And nuts. And nougat. And so many other nice flavours."

"You are really greedy, don't ya know?"

"Of course I know that." Elza grinned cheekily and stepped over to Setsuna. But before she could response anything more, Michiru opened the door. She was still holding her violin case in her hands and looked a little bit out of breath.

"Is Haruka at home?" she asked and stripped her jacket.

"Hai. We called a taxi two hours ago," answered Elza and frowned, but Michiru was already gone again. "Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with her."

"She takes school too seriously," answered Setsuna and held Elza back who wanted to look again into the oven. "And you don't take it seriously enough."

"Hai, mommy," giggled Elza and sat on the table next to the young woman. "Let's wait for another ten minutes." The red haired girl thought quickly. "What do you think, do we want to listen to some of your Japanese folk music CDs? Ten minutes can be long."

Setsuna only shook her head. Terrified. She knew that sometimes, ten minutes could be as long as ten hours.

"No way. The last time you've tried to sing along."

"But I can sing. I've once visited a school choir."

"As Donald Duck?"

dbdbdb

"Haruka?" Michiru knocked on the door, but simply entered the roomwhen no one answered. The tall blonde sat at her desk, some books were open before her. Nonetheless, it didn't look as if she had achieved a lot with her homework. Hotaru was in her cradle, playing with her dolphin. She giggled silently as she saw Michiru.

"Haruka?"

The blonde needed some moments, then she turned around. The look on her face was a book with seven seals for Michiru, but she wouldn't turn around and go now. She wanted some answers. At least one or two.

"What's up? Is dinner ready?" Haruka wanted to concentrate again in her books, but before she could turn around, some clothes were thrown into her lap. She raised them and frowned. "A swim suit?"

"Hai. It's Setsuna's. It's a little bit too small for her, so it should fit you."

"I have no intention of taking a bath."

Michiru rocked the cradle and smiled lovingly down at the little girl.

"But I think Hime-chan has."

dbdbdb

Little Hotaru laughed happily as nice warm water surrounded her legs and her waist. She stretched her hands and threw some tiny drops into the air. Soon, her fluffy dark hair was damp, just like her mommy's hair. Haruka felt uncomfortable in the dark swim suit. It was still too big, especially around the clipping. Yet, to see her daughter as happy as now, it was worth it.

The blonde stood at the rim of the swimming pool and held her daughter carefully in her arms. She would have rather died than letting her go. Michiru was there, too. She swam a little bit around before she came back to them. Laughing as Hotaru tried to splash her and grabbed for her wet strands.

"What about dinner?"

"I've told Setsuna that we'll eat later. You know, we have that magic machine. It's called a microwave oven."

Haruka only nodded and moved a little bit. Hotaru turned her tiny head towards her and leaned it finally against her chest, still playing with the water and sea green strands.

"What happened today, Haruka? When you attacked Tamara?" asked Michiru after a long time they had watched Hotaru play with the yellow ducky. Dark green eyes sparkled happily and she laughed silently.

"Tamara attacked you," answered Haruka quietly and watched her daughter intently.

"I could have defended myself. But a broken milk bottle... I guess we both were a little bit shocked." Michiru swam several circles Haruka and finally stopped to stand behind her in the water. She put her hands on Haruka's shoulder and looked over it at the little baby being safe and secure in her mother's arms. "I've just wanted to tell you that I am not angry with you, Haruka. Guess Tamara even needed that lesson. It was just a little bit... extreme."

Haruka stiffed under her touch and held Hotaru a little bit tighter as the girl grabbed her yellow ducky.

"I once had a good friend. She was ill and weak and I've defended her against some rude guys for several times. Guess it was simply instinct."

"She was?"

"She died last year."

For a moment there was silence, but Michiru didn't let go.

"I am sorry," whispered the rich girl finally and tried to look into Haruka's face, but the blonde lowered her head and shadows covered her eyes.

"It's okay. It was a bad illness. We all knew that she had to die soon."

"Nevertheless, it's sad."

Michiru's voice sounded so honest. She hadn't known Hikari, but her condolence sounded real. As if she knew what Haruka was talking about. Michiru glanced at Hotaru and gulped.

"Hotaru will be strong enough to defeat her illness."

"Hai, she will. Tenôs have always been fighters."

"I am sure."

For another long while they stood in the water, simply enjoying the presence of each other.

"If you ever want to talk about it. I mean, about your dead friend or your daughter's illness or... about your pregnancy, I will always listen. You are a senshi, Haruka, but that doesn't mean that we can't be friends."

_Friends..._

It sounded so good. So fantastic. Haruka hadn't had any friends during the past fourteen months, not since Hikari had died. For so incredibly long months she had felt lonely. Very, very lonely.

_Can I really trust her? Does someone like her want to be a friend of someone like me? Can a princess and a beggar be friends?_

"Is that okay for you? I mean, to be friends?"

Michiru gulped. She had hardly any friends, only Setsuna and Elza, but they were more family than friends. She had never needed any friends in her life. She had her music and her drawings. And later on her life as Sailor Neptune, she had the mission to complete. But somehow she wanted to be Haruka's friend. She wanted it so badly, not only because she was Sailor Uranus or someone who was a little bit the way she had been eight years ago. She simply felt comfortable when Haruka was around. She liked it to talk to her in the morning. To tease her around when she was driving them all to school. To write little letters to her during the lessons to make fun of the teachers. To do their homework with her and to learn with her. She simply loved to watch Haruka feeding her daughter. Bathing her daughter. Talking to her daughter. She didn't want to miss one of those moments again. It had been only two and a half week that she found her again, but for her it seemed as if her life hadn't been any different. As if her life hadn't been completed before Haruka and Hotaru entered it.

"Is that okay, Haruka?"

The tall girl didn't respond anything. She held her daughter tight and closed her eyes.

_Can I trust her?_

_Can we both be friends?_

_Can she take away a little bit of my loneliness? Of my fears? Of my pains?_

Maybe it wouldn't work. Maybe it was doomed to fail. Maybe it was just another dream that would never come true. However, she would never know if she hadn't tried.

Hotaru giggled happily and finally Haruka nodded.

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"I can't believe that he only took five minutes! I mean, that guy has a time machine and he only takes five minutes! Of course he's too late to save the doc!" Elza jumped around on the couch and knocked over the crisp bag. "That's so stupid!"

"Elza! Can't you be quiet? That scene is important!" whispered Setsuna and searched secretly for a handkerchief as the main person died for the second time in the movie they were watching. Hotaru was in her cradle and slept deep and tight. Setsuna and Elza sat, or better, Elza jumped on the couch while Michiru and Haruka took the armchairs. They watched an old but still fantastic movie. Haruka could remember having seen it before, but it was the first time for Elza who had to comment everything.

"Nani? He isn't dead?" she screamed as the person opened his eyes again. "Wow!"

"Please, be quiet!" Setsuna sniffed in her handkerchief and kicked some crisps away with her foot. Only to regret it when they were stuck on her socket.

"Incredible! He read the letter!" screamed Elza out loud after some seconds of silence. Setsuna whimpered in torture and rolled her eyes.

"Shut up, you death of my nerves! Just for once, shut up!"

"When you stop to cry! This is a comedy, not a tragedy. There's no reason to cry!"

"I am not crying!" Setsuna tried to hide her handkerchief and sniffed inconspicuously. "You must be dreaming."

"And you be... WOW! Look at that car, Sissy. That's a great thing!" Elza jumped again over the couch and Setsuna let out a tortured sigh.

Michiru only giggled in her armchair. She knew the movie, as well. She had liked it a lot when she had been younger. Therefore, she came down when her sister called for her right after dinner, because to watch Setsuna and Elza teasing each other around was better than every movie could ever be on TV. She glanced over to Haruka who had to grin, as well. They both looked at each other and smiled before they continued to watch a flying car and then of course Elza jumping around and screaming that she wanted to have such a car, as well.

_This is how it should be._

Haruka sighed and for one moment she was able to forget her problems as Elza stumbled over the crisp bag and landed on Setsuna who searched again for her handkerchief.

_This is how normal life should be._

Haruka glanced again over to Michiru who giggled amused and reached for the popcorn.

_Maybe it's only limited, maybe it's only a dream, but as long as it's possible, I want to live that normal life. Together with that crazy family. Even if it will never be mine. Together with my Hime-chan. My daughter I want to see growing up. To a beautiful young woman. Leading the normal life I've lost almost three years ago._

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**Author's corner:**

Thank you all very much for your nice, encouraging comments. I am always so happy to receive them and I try to answer them as quickly as possible. On general, I can tell you: please be patient. Please be patient with the story (there's still about 200 pages to come and I need something to tell in those pages ). I know that you have many questions about Haruka's past, about her health and about Hotaru's, as well. I can tell you that your questions will find answers as the story proceeds.

Next update:

A visit to Meioh's family doctor is in order.


	6. Chapter 3: Taking care 1

**Chapter three: Taking care**

It was the biggest hospital Haruka had ever seen. And it was the noblest one. There weren't people waiting in endless queues on the corridors, there were no children screaming and no adults arguing with each other. The nurses seemed to be friendly and patient, not as stressed as the nurses Haruka had seen during her long time in a six bed room. In this hospital, there seemed to be only single bed rooms.

"We're a little bit late." Michiru glanced at her watch and sighed deeply. "Gomen that you had to wait, Haruka, but the rehearsal lasted a little bit longer than I had expected." Michiru didn't seem to notice the hospital at all, stepping quickly through the corridor. Obviously, she was used to private hospitals and especially to this one. Without hesitation she lead Haruka through the white building, never wavering. It was clear that she knew where she was going. The blonde slightly remembered Setsuna telling her that their mother had had a dangerous flu the last year and almost spent the entire winter here.

"The concert tomorrow is very important. They want to record it for a live CD," explained Michiru, almost babbling, and kneaded her gloves in her hands. She was excited, too: what the doctor would say about little Hotaru's health. The girl sat in her child's seat Setsuna bought them the last week and slept deep and tight, holding the dolphin in her small arms.

_I hope Dr. Sugara-san is able to help her._

Michiru knew that Haruka had been to different hospitals with her daughter before. That the doctors there discovered the heart problem. Yet they hadn't examine Hotaru the way Dr. Sugara-san would do it, could do.

_Hope they told Haruka the truth that Hotaru's illness is healable with an operation._

Because Michiru didn't know what to do if those other doctors had been wrong. Or, what would be even worse, if it was too late. What if Hotaru had needed to be operated quickly to be saved? What if Haruka had waited for too long, because she didn't have the money earlier? What if…

Michiru turned her head and looked at a very pale Haruka who held the baby seat carefully in her arms. She watched her sleeping daughter thoughtfully and Michiru knew that she had the same doubts, felt the same dark fears.

_Let's get in and find out._

Michiru took a deep breath before she knocked on the door. The nurse at the entrance had already called the doctor, so they didn't have to wait for too long. The doctor was an old classmate of Michiru's father. He was fifty years and his dark hair was already grey at the rims, still he was the best of his profession. And Michiru wouldn't be satisfied with anyone else than the best surgeon. The young woman opened the door when she heard him, telling her to come in. Dr. Sugara was alone as she had expected him to be. He was always alone to meet his patients for the first time. After he knew what was wrong and what was to be done, he called his colleagues, but only then. For him, the patients' trust was very important and he didn't want to confuse them with too many doctors talking all at once, too often using a seemingly foreign language with many Latin termini, probably frightening his often very young patients. This meeting was for him and for his new patient.

"Michiru! It's an honour to me," he called out and took off his glasses. His dark eyes sparkled and again she knew why he was one of her parents' best friends. Maybe he was already fifty, maybe he was the best surgeon of Tokyo, maybe even of Japan, he was still young in his heart. He was a good friend. Last year, when Michiru's mother had been very sick, he stayed with her until her condition got better, all the time trying to encourage a very sad Michiru, a nervous Setsuna and an extremely silent Kaioh-san. Whenever you needed him, he was there. With him you could steal horses.

"You grew again a little bit since the last time we've seen each other, Michi-chan?" he came over to her and embraced her shortly. Michiru only rolled her eyes, but let his shameless use of her nickname pass. He only wanted to loosen the tense atmosphere, although he wouldn't succeed. Not until he had taken a look at Hotaru and told them that she'd be fine again. "You look more and more beautiful with every day. Just like your mother."

For a moment Michiru's face was covered with shadows, then she cheered up. She knew how he meant it and knew that it was a compliment, not an insult.

"Teaser." She smiled and bowed deeply.

"How are your parents feeling? Is everything okay? How's your sister doing?"

"They are all fine."

"Is Setsuna still studying?"

"No, she's finished her studies. Now, she works for a computer firm."

"Then my congratulations. That's what she's always wanted: to have a job where she can sleep until noon."

"Hai, and stay awake until dawn."

They both smiled, but got serious again as Hotaru opened her tried eyes and whimpered in a startled, almost frightened way. A strange environment surrounded her and for a moment she didn't know whether her mother or the other nice girls were around. She started to cry in fear, but calmed down as Haruka put down the baby seat and took her daughter carefully in her arms.

"Everything is fine, Hime-chan," whispered the tall blonde and rocked her daughter. Tenderly, she kissed salty tears away and leaned her forehead against a tiny one. She could feel little fingers grabbing for her strands and gulped. Suddenly, tears sparkled in her eyes and it was hard for her not to let them fall.

Don't worry, Hime-chan, I won't let anything happen to you. Everything will be fine, you will see. This doctor will heal you, Hime-chan. You'll be a strong little girl soon. Running around and dancing on my nerves.

Haruka couldn't say it aloud. She knew that she would have sobbed if she had said all those words to her daughter. Words she wanted so badly to believe in herself. Yet, she felt that her daughter still understood her as a dolphin was pressed against her nose. As she heard a silent but bright giggle.

"And that's our small patient."

Haruka raised her head as the doctor came over to her. He smiled openly, and understanding. For her, he seemed to be the friendliest doctor she had ever met before.

_Remember, he doesn't know who you are._

_Is that important?_

_No. Not this time..._

"Hai," answered Michiru, still fighting with her gloves. "Some other doctors said that she has a serious heart condition and that only an operation can save her."

"What's her name?" the doctor bent down and looked into dark green eyes. Hotaru squinted, then she smiled a happy smile and knocked the dolphin on the doctor's nose.

"Hotaru," answered Haruka, still wondering why the doctor didn't put the toy away, but even made a funny face. He really seemed to be different from all the other doctors Haruka had met before.

Hai, because he doesn't know how you got her and how she got her heart illness.

"Tenô Hotaru."

"So, you are Hotaru-chan," whispered the doctor and stroked playfully over the girl's face. Hotaru's eyes followed his fingers in curious interest and Haruka sensed that this was one of the examinations Hotaru would have to tolerate today. Still it seemed to be fun for her. Still.

"Where have you been with her, Tenô-san?" asked the doctor after a while and watched how Hotaru closed her eyes slowly. She was already exhausted and fell fast asleep. Haruka lowered her head and told him the names of the hospitals she had been. After they had found her on the street, merely dead than alive. After she had realized that she was pregnant and didn't want to harm the unborn child, at least not more than she had already done… After she had gone into strong labour pains - two weeks too early and had given birth to a beautiful daughter. After Hotaru had almost suffocated one night and they had all wondered what was wrong with the little child who turned blue in the face.

The doctor didn't say a word. He only turned around and glanced at Michiru who shrugged her shoulders. They both knew in which district of Tokyo those hospitals were, but they both knew that this wasn't the time to ask hurting questions.

"Those doctors are very well educated, too," said Dr. Sugara and stroked through fluffy dark hairs. "But they don't have the possibilities to help her the way we can."

The doctor went over to his desk and took his phone.

"We can start with the tests right now if that's okay for you," he said and dialled some numbers. "They will last this afternoon and as quick as possible we'll have the results."

Haruka frowned as she noticed that he had asked her. Her and not Michiru who paid all these tests.

"Is that okay for you?" he repeated his question and smiled encouragingly.

Haruka glanced over to Michiru who still fought with her gloves which wouldn't survive the next hours. Then she looked down at her sleeping daughter who felt safe and secure in her arms. She wouldn't wanted to miss that feeling again. When she had to let her daughter gp one day, then she wanted to see a happy girl running through the garden and not an empty place in an even emptier flat...

The tall blonde gulped and gulped again. And finally nodded.

"Hai," it sounded like a sob and she felt incredibly fearful. As fearful as she hadn't felt for weeks, maybe even for months. During the last months she had tried not to think about her daughter's illness, but to earn as much money as possible to pay for her operation. Now, that she finally did have the financial support and finally was in the right hospital with the most competent doctors in Japan, everything turned real. If those half gods in white weren't able to help her daughter, no one was…

I love you, Hime-chan.

_Nothing will happen to you._

_You will be happy. A happy, wild girl. I promise you._

"May I come with her? She's afraid of injections."

"Of course."

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Michiru couldn't hear the whimpering crying, but she could feel the girl's pain. Deeply, the girl sighed as she looked through the window into the other room. Haruka sat on a bed and rocked her crying daughter in her arms. Little Hotaru wasn't even interested in her dolphin any longer; she had clenched her tiny fists and her face had turned into a dark red. Tears streamed over her cheeks.

The doctor said something to Haruka, but the tall blonde only nodded, kissed her daughter's forehead and whispered comforting words. The injections did hurt, of course. Hotaru didn't like it, of course. However, they had to take blood samples from her. The other examinations had been not as painful: listening to her heart beat, x-raying her chest and looking at her while she breathed through different machines was strange but okay for the little girl while her mother was around. Her mother and her beloved dolphin. Yet, the injection had hurt and she whimpered now. Mainly out of the pain, but also out of protest. They couldn't simply hurt her like that! It was unfair! She was tired, exhausted and a little bit hungry; and they simply hurt her!

Haruka nodded again as the doctor said something else. Then, she talked again to her daughter. Michiru, who stood outside on the corridor because she couldn't watch the injection, kneaded her gloves even tighter, not noticing how one of them was slowly torn apart.

_She is a good mother._

_I hope we are not too late._

Michiru gulped as the doctor put the syringe away and left the room. He looked a little bit pale. Michiru didn't like that look. She liked it his smile a lot more.

"And, Dr. Sugara-san?" she asked and went over to a chair as he indicated her to sit down. He looked back through the window, seeing how little Hotaru was calmed down and even smiled again as Haruka played with the dolphin, and sighed deeply.

"She is a cute little girl. And very brave," said the doctor and sat down next to Michiru. "It was clear from the beginning that she would cry when we had to take blood samples. But the rest of the afternoon she was very nice and brave." He glanced again over to his newest and surely to his smallest patient and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"Who is she?" he asked and looked again at a very pale Michiru. He had known this girl for over eight years. He knew that she loved her family with all her heart and that she had been very concerned when Meioh-san had been very ill the past winter. Yet, Michiru hardly had any friends. She only cared for her family, her music and her drawings. She was very good at school, but there was hardly anyone around whenever he visited the Meioh family or only the two sisters at home. Except for the Grey girl, Elza, but she didn't count, because she was almost family. One day, Dr. Sugara was sure, this girl would be adopted or married or something like that by a Meioh family member.

"Haruka saved my life last winter," answered Michiru honestly after some moments of hesitation and destroyed her second glove, as well. "Four rude guys tried to attack me and she protected me and beat them down. We... we lost sight of each other during the following months and then I got to know about her daughter and about the heart illness. I told her that I would help her..." Michiru sighed deeply. "I know that I am not allowed to get to know the results of the tests, but I ask you to tell them to me, first. I don't know how Haruka will react if… if…" Michiru struggled for the right words, although there were none. She sighed deeply. "If they're not as expected."

Dr. Sugara nodded and pulled out an application form and a pencil.

"So you are Tenô Hotaru's godmother. Is that right?" Without waiting for the answer he wrote it down. Together with some other dates he knew by heart. Sending her a small gift for her birthday was only one of his duties he liked to exert on his old friend's family members. "We can do all those formalities later when we have the results, alright? I try to make it as fast as possible."

He gave her the form and smiled encouragingly. Yet, it was somehow a sad smile.

"Just sign it, Michi-chan. I'll take care of the rest."

"Arigato, Dr. Sugara-san," whispered Michiru and took the pencil and threw away her broken gloves into the next dustbin. Then, she took his pencil, noticing that he didn't tell her to call him Sagura-o-ji-san as Setsuna did. Mostly, it was their private joke, but the situation today was too serious.

"To be honest, Michi-chan, not very well. Hotaru-chan is a brave and strong girl, but her heart makes me really concerned. It is very weak."

Michiru gulped and her signature looked a little bit more sloped than normal.

"Too weak?"

"We'll see. I hope not."

Michiru and the doctor turned their heads and looked again through the glass window. To watch how Haruka rocked a sleeping girl. They couldn't hear her, but they knew that she was humming a soft melody. A sleepy smile laid on Hotaru's relaxed face. Her tiny hands held the dolphin tight. As if the little girl didn't want to let go.

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"What did the doctor tell you?"

Haruka put the seat with her sleeping daughter carefully on the backseat and took care of the seatbelt. Then she sat down next to Michiru while she started the engine. This time the radio with the classical music stayed silent.

"Dr. Sugara-san said that Himme-chan is a very nice and brave girl. He said that it's normal that little children cry when they have to take blood samples from them." Michiru concentrated on the street as they drove out of Tokyo, back to their house near the beach.

"And about the tests?"

Quickly, Michiru glanced over to Haruka and decided against it. It was no use to make her even more afraid than she surely was, although the tall blonde didn't show her worries. She was only a little bit paler than normal, but she would have never admitted to her fears. Michiru thought that it was enough when one of them would have sleepless nights and stare at the mute telephone for hours.

"Fine." Michiru tried to smile and cursed a little bit too loud as an old man was too slow with his big car. Quickly, she looked in all mirrors and overtook him. Still cursing. "Such a lazy cock!" she growled, using bad language on purpose, trying to vent her frustrations out on him. Then, she sighed deeply. "Dr. Sugara-san said that the tests looked fine. He only waits for the results to be sure. We'll know more in about a week, probably even less."

Haruka only nodded. One week sounded fine. For the last tests they had made in one of those other hospitals they had needed almost three weeks. Three weeks which could have cost her daughter's life in the case of an emergency.

For a while they drove in total silence. It was Friday evening which meant no school for the next two days. Suddenly, homework didn't matter any longer for Michiru who had never missed one single homework during the past eight years.

"Haruka?" she asked while she stopped the car in front of their house and turned towards the tall blonde.

"Hai?"

"I'll give a concert tomorrow evening. Do you want to come and listen to me?"

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"Don't worry, Haruka, we'll take good care of her." Elza smiled as the tall blonde went on her knees and corrected her daughter's blanket. The little girl was in her cradle which stood right next to the couch. Elza already held the remote control in her left and a bag full with pop corn in her right hand.

"But don't turn the TV so loud. She wants to sleep, not to watch TV." Haruka's look was strict and Elza rolled her eyes.

"Don't worry, mommy, we're the most perfect baby sitters this world has."

Haruka doubted this, but she kept silent. Setsuna took care of Hotaru while she was at school with Michiru, and Haruka knew that she could trust the young woman. She would surely argue with Elza before the red haired girl could do anything wrong.

"Hey, don't make such a face, Haruka! You know that I am trustworthy! Go out and have a nice evening. Michiru plays the violin really well."

Haruka nodded and smiled as her daughter pursed her lips in her sleep and held her dolphin tighter.

To go out.

It sounded almost like a date, but it wasn't one. Haruka knew that. She only came to listen to the concert, because Setsuna had to finish her programme for the computer firm and couldn't come and Elza wanted to watch a movie instead. Elza didn't like classical music so much. Everyone wondered why she was in the school orchestra then, because when she started to play her saxophone it never sounded very classical.

Remember, she only asked you because she doesn't want to go all alone.

_Maybe she needs someone known in the audience to play in front of so many people?_

However, it didn't matter how much Haruka tried to tell herself that it was not a date. Not at all! Still she felt as if she would go to one. She even wore an expensive suit! It was dark, the traditional colour, yet didn't fit perfectly, because it was too wide, but Elza took some clips and suddenly it looked perfect. Haruka would have never taken so good looking clothes to go to a concert. Yet, on the other hand she couldn't remember the last time she had been to a concert to listen to classical music.

"My goodness!" Setsuna entered the living room and put down her computer laptop on which she would work on her programme while babysitting little Hotaru. Then, she stared for some moments at the kneeling blonde. "Where did you get that suit from?"

"That used to be my dad's." explained Elza and beamed proudly up to the young woman. "I asked Mary and she gave it to me. He seemed to have had the same seize as Haruka." There was no regret in Elza's voice. Not even the slightest hint of sadness. She had been too young when her parents died. She couldn't remember them, as she couldn't remember a life with them, as well. She always said that she couldn't mourn after someone she had never known. Besides, she did have the best parents she could imagine: Setsuna's parents. The same her own grandparents had been a fantastic family, still were, when they were home and not travelling all around the world. They used to take her to those mystic places in Africa and South America, as well, but now she had to go to school and could only accompany them during her summer break.

"Good idea." Setsuna inspected Haruka closer who sighed in relieve. Setsuna obviously seemed to work here this evening, so she could have an eye of Elza and her crazy doings. "You look really good."

"Arigato," muttered the tall blonde who wasn't used to compliments and leaned forwards to kiss her daughter good night.

"Although I don't know; why you didn't decide for a dress?"

"Stupid question, Sissy! Do you want to wear a mini skirt?" answered Elza and put the pop corn next to the laptop computer. "Even though it would really look tempting."

Setsuna blushed and made an angry face.

"It would look stupid and I wouldn't feel fine in it. Oh..." She glanced again at Haruka and sighed deeply. "Okay, you two are right." She went over to the kitchen and opened the fridge. They hadn't eaten dinner yet. Michiru had said that she never ate something before a concert and mostly attacked an innocent Italian Restaurant afterwards. Setsuna seemed to make herself a snack while Elza obviously preferred unhealthy but delicious food like pop corn.

"Nani? It's already seven?" they heard Michiru's scream and shortly afterwards how someone jumped down the staircase, taking two steps at once. "I am late!" cried the young musician and Orpheus howled with her. Excitedly, because the big dog thought that they would go out for a walk. The bigger was his disappointment as Michiru took her jacket and her violin case instead of his collar and the long, brown leash. Deeply, the St. Bernhard dog sighed and trotted back into the living room to lay down next to the cradle and to protect the youngest member of this crazy family.

"Haruka! Come! I am late!" Without looking at her sister and Elza again, Michiru grabbed Haruka's arm and pulled her with her.

"Our conductor will kill me." She shook her head and was already out of the door. The car keys jingled in her hands and it was Haruka who held her back as she stumbled downstairs and almost fell down. Michiru only whispered a short Arigato , not hearing how Setsuna wished her good luck, calling loudly after her. Then, they both sat down in the Silver Ferrari and the car drove away in incredible speed.

"Take care of yourself." said Setsuna, even though she knew that her little sister couldn't hear her any longer. She shivered and wrapped her arms around her freezing body. The weather became more and more chilly with every day. Autumn was almost over. Winter would begin soon, with cold weather, with rain and finally with snow. It was only a matter of time.

Setsuna watched the darkness around her house for another minute, before she went back into the living room. Her sandwich still stood on the table and she was hungry. Elza wanted to watch a movie, but she knew that she could concentrate on her programme as long as the house wouldn't burn down. The moment she switched on her laptop computer she could forget the whole world around her and work concentrated. The same always happened whenever she opened a book. Something that had irritated Michiru at the beginning and something that made Elza still crazy, because different from Michiru who drew a nice picture or played her violin, Elza always wanted to be the centre of her attention. She was like a puppy who wanted on her lap and be petted behind the ears.

Setsuna got angry about herself as she felt how she blushed at that idea. The next moment she got even more angrier.

"Where is my sandwich?" she asked loudly and looked searchingly plate, not believing its emptiness. Her stomach growled sadly. Elza gulped and smiled innocently.

"Orpheus ate it," she said and tried to hide something behind her back. The dog only raised his head but Setsuna knew that the big St. Bernhard dog had manners. Different from Elza.

"What do you have behind your back?" Setsuna raised her eyebrows as Elza's smile got even more innocent.

"Nothing."

"Why don't you show me your nice hands, then?"

"I don't want to." Now, Elza was sulking, still trying to hide something behind her back. Setsuna knew the red haired girl too well to know what it was.

"If you dirty this couch with butter you'll regret it," warned Setsuna and came slowly nearer. Elza tried to evade her, but she didn't want to give up her place near the TV set.

"And what will you do?"

"You'll see!"

The next moment, Setsuna was on the couch and embraced Elza. but not to tickle her as Elza feared at first, but to reach for the sandwich the smaller girl was still holding in her hands. Now, she raised them in the air so that Setsuna could see the half eaten cheese and fresh salad sandwich. It was the last fresh salad and Elza had known that. Setsuna forgot to buy new one as she went shopping yesterday while Haruka and Michiru were away with Hotaru. Setsuna believed to know where they had been, but she wanted to talk to Michiru on her own. In peace. Not when an always asking and begging Elza was around and danced on her nerves. Like she did it right now.

"Elza. I am hungry!"

"Me, too!"

"But you have your pop corn!"

"We can share it!"

"But I don't want to share my sandwich!"

"Why don't you make yourself a new one then?"

"Why don't YOU make yourself a new one? This is MINE!"

"But you made it with so much love."

"I made it with the last salad we have!"

"You can take yourself a sausage instead. You eat meat!"

"It's not my fault that you don't like sausages."

"But I like cheese."

"We have enough cheese in the fridge."

"But no salad."

"That's not my problem!"

"Please, Sissy..."

"No Sissy, Grey Elza! This is my sandwich. Give it back to me!"

"I can't read your name anywhere on it."

"Arg!"

Setsuna tried to reach it, but the couch was softer than she had expected. And smaller. Her right leg suddenly left the white underground and she lost her balance. Searching for hold, she grabbed Elza who was too surprised to rescue her. Instead, she tried to save the sandwich and lost her hold, too. They both crashed from the couch and Elza landed on Setsuna who made a tortured sound.

Something fell from the table and before they could react, pop corn trickled down at them like snow. Elza who had to decide to break her right arm or to lose the sandwich, let go of the delicious meal and finally found a little bit of her balance back.

Orpheus raised his head and trotted over to them, but not to help them. Instead, the big St. Bernhard dog sniffed at the sandwich and decided that it was better than the normal dog food. It was eaten before the two women could react.

"No, Orpheus!" Setsuna closed her eyes and shook her head. "Why me?" she whispered. "Why me?"

Elza stared at the dog, then at the young woman still lying on her, then, she started to giggle. Until she couldn't hold it back any longer and broke out into loud laughter. Orpheus seemed to be happy and Setsuna's suffering face was worth all of her anger this would follow in at least five minutes. When Setsuna would find back to her senses and come over the sad truth that Orpheus had really eaten her sandwich with the last salad pieces.

"That's not funny!" growled Setsuna. "And you should get off me. You are heavy!"

"I am not heavy! Or do you want to tell me that I am thick?" laughed Elza and sat herself on Setsuna's lap to wipe away the tears from the corners of her eyes. She had to giggle again as Setsuna gasped for breath as the weight was taken away from her lungs.

"Don't tease me around! I know that I am not thick!" She giggled again and couldn't stop somehow. Setsuna's tortured face was simply too funny.

"You won't get away with that, my little ..." said the young woman in a warning tone, but her voice died away as she opened her eyes. Unbelievingly, she stared at the red haired girl, before she blushed deeply and turned her head away.

"Don't you think that it's a little bit too cold outside to forget your bra?" she asked and her voice was suddenly icy. Elza frowned and looked down at herself. Somehow her top was half opened. Surely, the zipper had opened when they fell struggling from the couch. Now, you could see her breasts.

"I have a thick jacket," answered Elza, still giggling, and closed her top again. "Besides, I don't need bras. My breasts are too small. It's always disappointing to buy the smallest bras they offer. Mostly, I only take them when I run, but that's all."

_Too small?_

Setsuna silently disagreed and blushed even more about that thought.

"You could get a..." Setsuna winced hard as she suddenly felt two hands on her shirt.

"Hm... seems as if yours are a little bit bigger." Elza's grinning face appeared in front of her. "Why don't you give me something from your breasts and I'll make you a sandwich instead?"

For a moment Setsuna couldn't move. Then she pushed the smaller girl away and rose. Her face was hidden in shadows as she stumbled over to the kitchen.

"That was not very funny." Was all she said before she opened the fridge again to stare for about ten minutes at its content. Realising that she wasn't hungry with a sudden any longer.

"Funny?" Elza corrected her mini skirt and started to collect the pop corn she believed to still be eatable and therefore wouldn't be the victim of the vacuum cleaner later. "Did anyone say that it should be funny?"

But she didn't dare to go over to Setsuna. The young woman had looked too angry. Instead, Elza sat back on the couch, started her movie and watched it in silence while she waited for Setsuna to return to the living room. She waited almost the entire movie.

dbdbdb

It seemed as if the concert hall was sold out. No seat was empty and the concert hall truly looked big. Haruka glanced around, holding the ticket tighter in her hands. She felt insecure, because she didn't know this hall nor did she know where to sit. Michiru had to leave her the moment they had entered the concert hall. There were suddenly flash lights and reporters everywhere. A nice man showed Haruka the way to her seat, but somehow she had lost him in the mass and now she stood there, not knowing what to do. Of course there were numbers on the seats and numbers on her ticket, as well, but she couldn't find the right row and she had the feeling that the concert would start soon. She didn't want to stand and to disturb Michiru's music. Haruka hardly knew how Michiru's music sounded. Well, she had already heard it. When she woke up in the middle of the night, it could happen that Michiru practised in her room next to her. Sometimes, she heard the soft music when she fed her daughter or when she changed nappies before dawn. Michiru didn't seem to sleep a lot, because most of the night she really spent playing her music. Yet, it was surely different to hear her here. Live. On a stage. Where she had to play the entire song and not interrupt it again and again and again until she got the right notes in the right rhythm.

"May I help you?"

She turned around and looked into a smiling face. The woman seemed to be in her fifties. She was a head smaller than Haruka, but had an incredible charisma. Her dark green hair was slightly covered with green strands, and was put together in a complicate knot in her neck. The dark green dress looked very expensive and fitted perfectly to her slim figure.

"Hai. I am searching for this seat." Haruka said and showed her the ticket. The woman frowned and looked at her. Then, she looked again at the ticket and the friendly smile returned to her face. "That's next to mine. I'll show you the way if you want."

"That would be very kind of you."

Haruka bowed shortly before she followed the woman and left the pit. They went through different corridors and as they entered the hall again, they were above most of the seats in a balcony, right next to the stage. From it, you surely had the best view on the orchestra, the conductor and the solo musician.

The woman sat down and opened a small booklet. It showed which songs would be played and there were some dates about Michiru. Haruka tried to read them, but the woman closed the booklet again before she had the change to read more than Michiru's date of birth, which had been over seventeen years ago.

"You've never been to one of her concerts, have you?"

"Oh, is that so obvious?" answered Haruka who didn't feel very comfortable in her suit. Elza had told her that she looked great in it and Setsuna seemed to have liked it, as well, but Michiru didn't say a word and this woman, who seemed to know the world of classical music very well, saw that she wasn't used to such concerts. At the very first sight.

"I've simply never seen you around here."

Haruka frowned and watched how thousands of people took their places.

"There're many people outside. How can you..."

"These seats here are special. They are reserved for family members," answered the woman, but before Haruka could ask more, the lights went off and the stage was illuminated. First, the orchestra appeared, together with the conductor. Haruka clapped as the entire audience did, but simply forgot to move her hands as Michiru entered the stage. Or better, to float on the stage. She had her hair open, as always. It seemed to be even more curly than normal. A tender smile was on the rich girl's face. The light blue dress seemed to sparkle in the light as she bowed before the audience. It almost touched the ground and covered her feet. Haruka frowned and suddenly knew why the stage was covered with soft carpet. Michiru was barefoot. She hadn't used any make up nor did she wear any jewellery. Haruka hadn't seen it while she wore her winter jacket and had been in hectic to come to her concert in time, but know she saw it: Michiru in her element. The musician's smile became even more tender as she put the violin on her left shoulder and raised the bow. The conductor saw the sign and the orchestra started to play. It was a tender melody. Haruka knew it, but she couldn't remember who wrote the melody. Nor could she remember the song's name. Still, it was touching. At that moment Michiru closed her eyes and started to play. She didn't need any notes, she seemed to know the melody by heart.

She only stood there and played as if it was the most natural thing on earth. As if she had never done anything else in her life. As if she was born to play and to make other people happy.

She looks like a mermaid in the sea.

Haruka frowned but didn't know where that thought had come from. Instead, she leaned a little bit forward, put her hands on the rim and simply watched Michiru play.

_She is so beautiful._

_So beautiful..._

Suddenly, she didn't look like the strict girl any more, determined to take her home. To let her be a senshi, whatever that was. Still, Haruka didn't know what it really was, what those fights meant, what a talisman could do, but whatever their so called mission was, Haruka instinctively knew that she had to protect Michiru. Not only because Setsuna asked her to do so at school, but because it seemed to be right. Michiru looked so fragile on the stage. Only she and her music. Yes, she looked fragile. And alone.

Like me...

Haruka gulped and had to close her eyes, as well.

_- Do you see now who I am? -_

For the split of a second she saw a girl sitting next to her. She wore a strange uniform. It looked a little bit like the girls' uniform at school.

_- Do you see now who you are? -_

Haruka frowned, but didn't know what to respond. The other girl reached for her hand, but before she could touch it, the song had ended and the vision was gone. The tall blonde opened her eyes and glanced down at Michiru who bowed towards the audience. Then, she raised her head and seemed to stare directly into Haruka's eyes. Although the tall girl knew that this was impossible. It was too dark in the audience. She couldn't see her. She could only sense her somewhere in the shadows of the balcony.

"She's really improved over the past years." The woman next to her smiled and rose. "Guess it's time to terrify her a little bit." With a snicker she went away. Haruka was left behind. However, her attention was drawn back to the stage as a well dressed man entered the stage. He wore a microphone.

"My ladies and gentlemen, it's a big honour for me to introduce you to our special guest star." Haruka saw how Michiru's head jerked around and how she almost dropped her violin as someone entered the room. It was the woman who had sat next to Haruka one minute ago. Her charisma grew in the lights of the stage and a wide smile appeared on her face. She opened her arms and embraced Michiru who seemed to fight with her tears.

"Meioh Aiko wants to sing the next opera song, accompanied by her daughter."

_Meioh Aiko?_

Haruka saw how Michiru wiped away some tears of happiness and whispered something to her mother who giggled in return. Then they both nodded and Aiko took the micro while Michiru raised her violin again.

_Her mother?_

_Seemed to be all very musical._

I wonder why Setsuna doesn't play an instrument.

Haruka watched them with mixed feelings. Michiru didn't close her eyes this time. She played and glanced over to her mother to play the right notes at the right moment. Aiko started to sing with a professional opera voice and they both smiled at each other. They looked really happy.

As happy as I used to be.

Haruka sighed deeply and felt how her eyes started to burn. Again, she looked at the happy Michiru and finally turned her head away. To stare at her cold hands, being clenched in her lap.

_**- Parents are stupid. -**_

_**- Do you really think so, Haru-chan? -**_

_**- Hai. They simply left me. -**_

_**- But they didn't do it voluntarily. -**_

_**- No, but it's still unfair of them to go and to leave me behind. -**_

_**- You've loved them, didn't you, Haru-chan? -**_

_**- ... -**_

_**- Didn't you? -**_

_**- ... hai ... -**_

_**- And, did they love you? -**_

_**- ... hai ... -**_

_**- Then, they had been great parents. -**_

_**- But they simply went away! They were no great parents, after all! -**_

_**- They were. They loved you, Haru-chan. Some other parents don't love their children. -**_

_**- But they are dead! -**_

_**- They are dead, but I am sure that they still love you, where ever they are. -**_

_**- ... -**_

_**- My parents are still alive, Haru-chan, but they hate me. I like your parents more. -**_

_**- All parents are mean! -**_

It had been alike what Hikari had told her, Haruka had been too deeply hurt from her parents' sudden death; the older girl couldn't convince her. No matter how much she had tried. Haruka had had a fantastic childhood, so different from Hikari's, but she couldn't overcome her parents' death. Not during her stay in the orphanage. Not when she ran away. Maybe she would never really overcome that pain inside her heart, but slowly, very slowly, she realized that she had been wrong. Not all parents were mean and her parents simply didn't stand a chance in that dark night. The truck had been too big and too fast...

Haruka gulped and took a deep breath.

Now she was a parent herself. A mother for Hime-chan. She wanted to be good. No, she wanted to be more than good. She wanted to be perfect. Or at least, she wanted always to be there for her daughter. She knew that she couldn't be perfect. She couldn't give her daughter a proper home. She couldn't give her a real family. If there was a father for Hotaru outside, somewhere, Haruka wouldn't find him. She didn't want to find him, because he wouldn't have wanted her. The same she didn't want him. Especially not after what he had surely done to her.

No, she wasn't perfect. She didn't even earn enough money to pay the operation. She had to make a dangerous deal with a total stranger who seemed to become more and more familiar with every day that passed. She couldn't give Hotaru a father nor any brother or sisters later on. She couldn't give her a big house to live in. She didn't even have enough money to buy a cradle for her. If Elza wouldn't have persisted to buy the one with the teddy bears on it, she still would be forced to sleep in her mother's bed. There were so many things Haruka couldn't give her daughter. Yet, she knew that she could give her at least one thing, the maybe most important thing: she could give her love. Endless love.

The song ended and Haruka raised her head again, seeing how mother and daughter bowed towards the audience. How the audience rose and clapped even louder. How mother and daughter embraced. In happiness. In love.

Haruka suddenly started to freeze.

Hikari had been right. As always. Parents aren't mean. Not those parents who love their children. Just the way Meioh-san loves Michiru. Just the way I love my Hime-chan. Just the way my parents loved me...

It was now a long time that they had died.

However, Haruka knew that it didn't matter how many years would pass, she would always feel the pain inside her heart. The loneliness inside her soul.

dbdbdb

They reached the most important key scene of the third movie when Hotaru started silently to whimper. Elza stopped the video recorder and wanted to go over to the cradle, but Setsuna was faster. She closed her laptop and went on her knees next to the cradle. Carefully, she pulled the baby in her arms and talked softly to her. It looked very skilful. Setsuna had had a lot of time to practice while Haruka had been at school together with Michiru and Elza. She knew how to calm little Hotaru down, as she knew the best way to feed her.

Elza sighed slightly and went over to the kitchen to heat up the bottle and handle it to Setsuna. The young woman didn't look up. Nor did she say anything. Not to Elza. The entire time she stared at the little girl, whispering soft words. Then, she started patiently to feed her. Quickly, she got to know that Hotaru needed her time to drink. Still, she only suspected the reason why this girl wasn't as greedy as other babies seemed to be, but she had time. Her programme could wait for another hour. She had three more days left to finish it and she knew that she wouldn't need more than one more day. At the maximum.

Elza sat down next to her on the soft carpet and leaned herself against the couch. Dreamily, she watched how Setsuna fed the little girl. She knew that Setsuna would be even more angry with her if she asked her if she felt like a mommy right now. Setsuna would call her a joker and explain her that she was only twenty two and too young to have a baby. And that she had no partner to have children with. Therefore, Elza kept silent, but had to smile, because no matter what Setsuna would tell her, right now she looked like a mommy. A damn proud mommy she would surely be. One day...

Of a little girl or a little boy with dark green hair and a smile that would steal the hearts of the people she or he would meet. Just like her or his mommy...

"How late it?"

"Almost eleven."

"Then the concert is over now."

Elza only nodded and wrapped her arms around her knees as Hotaru drank noisily her milk. Setsuna's tender smile grew wider and she raised the bottle a little bit to help the little girl.

"Surely, they will go out to eat something."

"Then, they won't return before midnight or even later." Elza lowered her head. She knew what would come next. That it was late in the evening. That she should go home. That she should call herself a taxi, because Setsuna had to take care of the little girl.

_I don't want to go!_

Elza told that Setsuna every evening, but every evening Setsuna did win and brought her home. Elza had an own room in this house, as well, but she hardly stayed over night. There had been seldom a night when she was allowed to stay, and mostly it hadn't been voluntarily: Christmas two years ago had had so much snow that they couldn't drive back. Something similar happened last New Year. The streets were frozen and no one dared to drive, therefore, she was allowed stay. Or there had been a terrible storm on one summer night. However, Setsuna never agreed otherwise that she could stay.

"Guess it's time to bring our little darling to bed," smiled Setsuna and helped Hotaru to make her burp. "Would you please help me to bath her?"

Elza's surprised face brightened up and was covered by a wide grin.

"Of course."

dbdbdb

"And who is that young man?" wanted Aiko to know. They stood now in Michiru's changing room where there were no cameras, no flashlights and no reporters.

"Mommy! That's a girl!"

"O, really? Gomen nasai! Sugara-kun is right; I should wear glasses," excused Aiko herself, but Haruka couldn't be angry as Michiru's mother smiled friendly at her.

_**- Hey, little boy. -**_

_**- I am a girl. -**_

_**- I don't believe you. You are such a cute, little boy, you can't be a girl. -**_

_**- But... -**_

_**- I can't see any breasts. You are surely a boy. -**_

_**- But... -**_

_**- You want it, right? Otherwise you wouldn't be here. -**_

_**- I... -**_

_**- It's okay, you are new here, right? -**_

_**- Hai... -**_

_**- Then let me take care of you, little one. -**_

He had taken care of her. He had almost killed her as he found out that she hadn't lied to him. That she indeed was a girl, but looked like a boy in her clothes.

"Gomen nasai."

Haruka heard the soft voice and jerked out of her dark memories. For a moment she looked into dark eyes that glanced softly at her, almost lovingly. Then, she remembered again where she was. That he wasn't around. That he would never be around again. That those times were over. That she was safe now.

At least as safe as she could be.

"No problem, Meioh-san." Haruka smiled back, but was still captured by the painful feeling that suddenly filled her belly. She knew that it wasn't caused by the scar. "I am Tenô Haruka."

"She's my best friend," said Michiru determinedly while she put her violin away. "I wanted to show her my violin play."

_Her best friend?_

_Not only her friend?_

_Does she mean it or does she lie to her mother to calm her down?_

_Well, she can't tell her the truth, right?_

_Right?_

_Right?_

_Oh, shut up!_

Do you really dare to dream that you can be a friend of that rich girl? She lives in a different world, don't forget that!

_Shut up!_

_Just shut up!_

"And, did you like it?" asked Aiko "Beware, Haruka, one wrong word and she won't talk to you for ages. She's a little bit conceited when you talk about her music."

"Mommy!"

They both grinned, therefore, they only teased each other around.

Haruka merely nodded, not feeling very well. She didn't belong here, to them. They were a family, she was simply someone who intruded their private room.

"Of course she liked it! What do you think? Everyone likes my music!"

"See, Haruka, that's what I meant." Aiko giggled again and glanced at her watch and sighed deeply. "But I am afraid, my dear, that I have to go now. Your father and I have a concert in Peking tomorrow. I need to catch my plane." Helplessly, Aiko raised her shoulders. "I simply wanted to see you play again. Your father wanted to come, too, but he has a little cold and isn't allowed to fly, because he needs to be perfect tomorrow."

"I see." Michiru's smile faded and her blue eyes sparkled. She looked suddenly so lonely that it almost made Haruka's heart break. She didn't want to see Michiru so sad. Especially not after she had seen how happy she could be.

"Don't look at me this way. I start to cry when you don't smile right now!" demanded Aiko and Michiru tried to smile. It was a sad one. "Say my best wishes to Sissy and don't worry, as fast as we finish our tour through China we'll be back and visit you, okay?"

Aiko embraced her daughter.

"Okay," whispered Michiru and held her tightly. For a moment it looked as if she wouldn't let her mother go again, but then she stepped back and took again care of her violin.

"And what do you two guys want to do with the rest of the evening?" asked Aiko curiously and laughed as Haruka's stomach made its own proposal.

dbdbdb

"Do you think that this is necessary?"

Setsuna raised askingly her eyebrows as Elza stepped into the bath. Now, she only wore an old, black T-shirt that was quickly wetted.

"Hai. You don't want her to drown, right?"

"I only wanted to wash her, to change her nappies and to get her into bed." They were both in Haruka's bathroom. While Setsuna brought the cradle upstairs, Elza undressed the little girl and herself. Now, Hotaru laid in Elza's arms and seemed to enjoy the warm water the same the red haired girl did. Carefully, Setsuna started to wash her while little Hotaru grabbed for the red ducky that swam happily over the waves Elza caused as she made herself more comfortable.

"That's what we're doing, right? We wash her now."

"Did you have to wash yourself, too?"

"Why not?" Elza grinned as the ducky was held under her nose. Hotaru looked really proud.

"She's a lovely little girl," sighed Setsuna and caressed with the soft flannel over Hotaru's left arm. The little girl turned her head and smiled up to the known woman. Still, her mouth was toothless and somehow Setsuna couldn't await to see the first teeth sparkling in it while the baby smiled happily.

"Hai, she is," admitted Elza. For a while they washed the baby in silence until little Hotaru was really clean and almost feel asleep in Elza's arms.

"Better we'll bring her to bed," said Setsuna finally and rose. Elza nodded and left the bath. She left a wet trace while she went over to the bed where the pyjamas and the fresh nappy were, but she didn't care about it.

"I'll take care of her. You'll take care of the bathroom, okay? Must look like the docks of Tokyo by now. With a lot of little ships."

"And one red ducky," giggled Setsuna and laid a towel around Elza's shoulders. "Don't catch yourself a cold," she said before she went back into the bathroom, closing the door behind herself.

"Yeah..." whispered Elza and dried little Hotaru carefully. The baby was already asleep while she helped her in the nappy and in the pyjamas. She couldn't believe it herself that she was able to take care of a baby, but the past weeks had changed her behaviour towards those tiny beings considerably. Okay, she wasn't as good as Setsuna and no one could be better than Haruka, but she had learned a lot and feeding little Hotaru didn't let her freak out in panic any longer.

She's such a little darling.

Elza kissed the baby good night and put her carefully in the cradle. Lovingly, she covered her with the blanket and gave her her beloved dolphin. Hotaru only smiled and her tiny fingers grabbed for something only she could see. In her dreams.

The red haired girl watched her for a while in silence, then she decided that it was time to dry herself and to help Setsuna to tidy up the bathroom. Not that the young woman got even angrier than she had been after they had lost the cheese sandwich with their very last salad.

"Sissy?"

Elza let the door opened just in case that Hotaru would wake up and start to whimper.

"Just gimme two more seconds..." sighed the young woman who sat now in the bath. The water was still warm and Setsuna's face looked relaxed. She had put soap into the water and foam covered the surface. Covered Setsuna's naked body.

"The last nights had been long, hadn't they?" asked Elza who saw the rings under Setsuna's closed eyes. The dark green hair was put together to a pony tail. Some strands curled and with the redden cheeks, Setsuna looked really cute. Although Elza knew that the young woman would have never believed her.

"You know, I want to finish that programme."

"And I hope that _you_ know, that you work too hard."

"No."

"No, of course not." Elza shook her head and sat down on the rim behind the young woman. She pulled the towel tighter around her body and put her feet into the still warm water. Setsuna opened her tired eyes and leaned her head back. Elza froze as she could see the young woman's breasts, but gulped down a comment, because she didn't want to fall off the rim.

"What are you doing?" asked Setsuna but didn't look as if she would leave the warm water the next moment. She looked too exhausted with a sudden.

"How about massaging your shoulders?" suggested Elza and grinned as Setsuna only leaned forwards and pulled her hair over her right shoulder.

"Do what you have to do."

Elza grinned even wider and took herself shower gel. Setsuna winced as she put it on her shoulders.

"Elza! That's cold!"

"Shall I use the microwave instead?"

Setsuna only giggled and shook her head. The next moment she groaned slightly as Elza's hands touched her shoulders and massaged them softly.

"Goodness, Sissy, your back is a big knot."

"Hm... a little bit more to the right... yeah, that's..."

"You should sleep a little bit more. I mean, you work in the night for that silly firm and in the morning you have to take care of Hime-chan. And in the afternoon you already take care of the dinner and of us. You should think of yourself, Sissy. Sleep a little bit more. Even owls need sleep from time to time."

"Hm... and now a little bit more to the left... right..."

"Are you listening to me?"

"No, but a little bit higher..."

Elza shook her head before she had to giggle. To be honest, she loved it when Setsuna was like wax in her hands. Even if it was only for five minutes when she massaged her shoulders. It was a lot better than the cold atmosphere with which they had watched the different movies. Or at least, Elza had watched them while Setsuna had knocked on the keyboard of her laptop as if it was her worst enemy.

"Are you still angry with me, Sissy?"

"Angry?"

For a moment Elza stopped, but Setsuna's impatiently shaking shoulders let her start again.

"I mean that I destroyed the sandwich with the last salad and had to cover the carpet with pop corn and later on with lemonade."

"No. And if you go a little bit deeper I won't be angry with you for the rest of the week."

"Really?" grinned Elza as she saw all the goose flesh she caused.

"Hm..."

"Okay. I'll keep that in mind."

dbdbdb

It was an expensive restaurant. After they brought Michiru's mother to the airport and waved her goodbye as she walked towards her plane, they went to go out for dinner. Haruka didn't feel comfortable in this exclusive place, but what concerned her more was Michiru's sad face. The meal in front of her was untouched, although it contained more mustard than every other meal in the whole restaurant. The waiter had looked very strange as Michiru ordered it, but he didn't ask stupid questions as she told him that she would tell the press that she wasn't served correctly in this restaurant.

"Michiru?" Haruka moved on her chair and leaned a little bit forward. "Michiru?" Again no one answered. Haruka stretched out her hand and waved it in front of Michiru's eyes. The rich girl seemed to wake up from a deep dream. Or, as Haruka noticed as the young violinist raised her head, from a terrible nightmare.

"Everything okay? You should eat your dinner, not hypnotise it," she tried to tease, but Michiru only lowered her look and sighed deeply.

"Gomen, Haruka. It's simply... I miss them. I know, I am old enough, I am seventeen, but somehow it's not enough to see them once a month or even only once within six weeks." Michiru sighed deeply and some tears sparkled in her blue eyes.

_**- Why... why did you hit me, Hika-chan? -**_

_**- Because you are selfish! -**_

_**- I am not selfish! -**_

_**- You are! The whole time you lament your parent's death and wish yourself to be dead! -**_

_**- But... -**_

_**- You should be thankful about what you have and not mourn what you've lost! -**_

_**- What do I have, Hika-chan? What is left for me? Tell me! -**_

_**- Your life! -**_

_**- You call this life? -**_

_**- You live, Haru-chan. You have a future before you. And never ever remember that there are people in this world who feel the same inside. Who have even less than you have! -**_

Haruka could remember too well that Hikari had cried that evening when they had argued fiercely with each other. How she had cried like a little child. And how she hadn't been ashamed about it, because she had done worse things she was ashamed of, she regretted deeply, yet couldn't change.

_**- You have the chance to escape! One day! -**_

_**- But... -**_

_**- It's a chance I'll never have, Haru-chan! I am doomed to die soon! My parents didn't love me when I was a child. And I was never successful in stealing things! Take the chance that's still left for you, Haru-chan and stop to destroy yourself! -**_

_**- Hika-chan... -**_

_**- You are not the only one who suffers, Haru-chan. Never forget that. You are not the only one... -**_

Haruka gulped as she remembered the conversation she had had over two years ago. Hikari had been right. Of course she had been right. As always. Hikari had been so intelligent. Okay, she had been some years older than Haruka and had more experience, but she had been incredibly smart. And she threw it all away in the endless greed of the white powder. She threw it all away: her future, her life, her hope. Haruka could give her back a little bit hope during the time they were together on the streets, but she couldn't save her life. No matter how hard she'd tried it.

_**- You are not the only one... -**_

Haruka glanced over to Michiru who tried to hold back her tears. Michiru had everything: she was talented, intelligent and rich. She could achieve everything she wanted. Her parents loved her. They were still alive. She had a crazy friend and a sister who cared a lot for her. Whatever she wanted to do, she could do it. If she wanted to win in a horse-race, she could buy herself an excellent horse the next day. If she wanted to go ice skating in the middle of the summer, she could fly to North Japan, maybe even to the North Pole if she wanted to. If she wanted to go shopping in San Francisco, it wasn't that far away from Japan for her, was it? For her the world was wide opened. She had the best chances to be a star, to be happy.

Yet, at the same time Haruka knew that those things were materially. And to miss her parents was normal. It didn't matter if you were a small child or an adult. It didn't matter if you had hardly enough money to pay the rent of if you could go swimming in it. If you missed someone you loved, you simply missed them.

_**- You are not the only one... -**_

Michiru couldn't be more different from Haruka. Michiru lived in a world full of possibilities and solutions - even for the hardest problems. For her, no mountain was too high, no ocean too deep. Haruka, on the other hand, had seen hell, had walked through the darkest of valleys. However, they both had some things in common: they both were strong outside, but fragile inside. They both felt alone from time to time. And they both loved and missed their parents.

_**- You are not the only one... -**_

"Michiru?" Haruka touched softly Michiru's right hand. The spoon fell with a high jingling noise on the plate's rim and two big eyes stared at the tall blonde. They were as deep as the sea and filled with tears. Slowly, two tears escaped that ocean and ran down redden cheeks. Redden of shame and anger.

"Hey..." tried Haruka to comfort the other girl, but before she could say anything more, Michiru had pushed away her hand and rose.

"I... I..." she stammered and blushed even more, but couldn't hold back her tears.

Now she thinks that I am really what everyone thinks: a spoiled, rich brat who cries when her parents go on tour to earn even more money to finance her another big car!

"...bathroom..." was all she sobbed before she turned around and ran blindly through the entire restaurant. One waiter had to evade her and almost crashed into Haruka who didn't wait for long, but followed Michiru. She didn't know much about the rich girl, but she knew that Michiru was in pain, and she didn't want the young violinist to be in pain. She didn't want... how did Michiru call her this evening? She didn't want her _best_ friend to be in pain. Michiru had looked so happy this evening. She wanted to see her laugh again. Like this evening on the stage when she had been in her element: playing her music. Together with her beloved mother.

_**- You are not the only one... -**_

It was strangely quiet in the bathroom. One old woman looked strictly at Haruka and wanted her to get out of the girls' bathroom until Haruka shouted impatiently that she was a girl. Before a waiter could come and really force her to use the other door, she had pushed the protesting old woman aside and entered the bathroom. It was covered with sparkling marble. There were many mirrors around and Haruka had to admit that the old woman wasn't that wrong. At least she didn't need new glasses. Haruka really looked like a boy in the dark suit. With her short hair and with her thin appearance. Nonetheless, right now she had other problems than her appearance. She knew how she looked and she knew that she couldn't and that she didn't want to change it. She had always looked like boy and felt more comfortable with it. Her parents had loved and accepted her that way.

_**- You are not the only one... -**_

There were many cabins, but they all were empty. The doors banged loudly on the walls as Haruka opened them, one after another. Still not sure what she was doing. What she should do once she found Michiru. Yet, she knew that she couldn't stay at the table, eating her dinner and waiting for Michiru to come back. In maybe ten minutes, in maybe fifty minutes, in maybe two hours.

"Michiru?" she asked and sighed in frustration as the last cabin was empty, too.

_Maybe she ran out of the restaurant?_

_Maybe she hides somewhere else? Or in another bathroom? This restaurant is so big, surely it has another bathroom!_

"Michiru?"

At that moment she heard the silent sobs. She turned around and saw the girl sitting under a washbasin. She had brought her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. The evening dress was crumbled and her hair messed. Her face was wet with tears and her eyes sparkled in desperation.

"Hey..." Haruka gulped as she went over to the basins. She knelt down and looked directly into a blushed face. "Don't you think that this place is a little bit uncomfortable?"

Michiru didn't respond anything. She only sobbed harder and tried to disappear what didn't work of course.

"Come out, Michiru. It's okay to cry, but come out."

The rich girl only shook her head and sobbed even harder.

"I don't wanna be weak..." sobbed Michiru and more and more tears streamed over her face. "I don't wanna be spoiled... I... but.. I miss them..."

_**- You are not the only one... -**_

Haruka didn't really know what she was doing as she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around the other girl's shaking body. As she pulled Michiru out from under the wash basin. The smaller girl trembled a lot and automatically searched for hold.

"I am not weak..." she sobbed and buried her face in Haruka's shoulder, wrapped her arms around the slim body and cried even harder. "...not weak..."

_**- ... not the only one... -**_

"No, you are not weak, Michi," whispered Haruka and stroked through sea green curls. They really felt the way they looked: incredibly soft. "You simply miss your parents. That's normal."

Michiru didn't respond anything. She only laid there. In Haruka's arms. And cried the way she hadn't cried over the last months. Since her parents had left for a tour around the world. Since she had known that she was a Sailor senshi and had to search for the talismans and fight against youmas. Not since she hadn't been able to find Sailor Uranus who seemed to be more than just a fellow senshi for her - at least not if she believed what the stars had told her.

The entire time Haruka held her tightly in her arms and rocked her as if she were a small child, knowing that Michiru wasn't a child any longer. That none of them was a child any longer.

_**- ... not the only one... -**_

_**- I know Hika-chan. But I wish I was. -**_

The entire time Haruka whispered comforting words and caressed through sea green curls, over a shaking back. Trying to give Michiru the comfort she never really got herself. Trying hard to ignore that her heart hurt the same.

_**- ... not the only one... -**_

_**- Because then I would be the only one who mourns. Then all the other people would be happy. -**_

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It was dark inside the house when they entered it. The clock rang three in the corridor and a really sleepy dog welcomed them.

"Hello, Orpheus," whispered Michiru and petted the dog behind his ears. The St. Bernhard dog sniffed at them and then laid back into the living room to sleep peacefully, because now everyone was home.

"The best is you'll take a shower and go to bed. Setsuna's never awake before noon," said Haruka quietly as they went upstairs. She held the expensive violin in her hands. A proof that Michiru was more asleep than awake. They spent a long time in the bathroom, not caring about some women who came in and watched them for a moment curiously before they decided to use the other bathroom on the other side of the restaurant. Michiru needed a long time to calm down and then didn't want to leave the bathroom because she didn't want to look so weak as she called it. Haruka helped her to refresh again and could even convince her to eat at least a little bit of her dinner. Because Michiru didn't want to drive, they called themselves a taxi and decided to get the Ferrari the next day.

"About what happened..." said Michiru very slowly and Haruka could see in the dimmed light how the smaller girl clenched nervously her fists.

"It's okay," answered the tall blonde and laid her free hand on Michiru's right shoulder. "We all cry from time to time. Don't worry about it."

Michiru wanted to respond something as they entered Haruka's room. Of course Michiru wanted to say good night to little Hotaru and to say something more to the tall blonde, not only about the evening and what had happened. However, she didn't say a word as she saw the cute picture.

Hotaru was in her cradle, sleeping deep and tight. She held her dolphin in her tiny arms and smiled happily. She wasn't alone. There were two shadows lying next to the cradle on the soft carpet. Elza only wore a black T-shirt and her hair was messed. Her legs were covered with a blanket. She had wrapped her arms around Setsuna's right one who laid next to her. She wore a dark bathrobe. They both were fast asleep, as well.

"Didn't know that baby sitting is so exhausting," whispered Haruka and in her voice was a silent giggle that made Michiru smile again.

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**Author's corner:**

Thank you again for your nice comments and for still reading my story. I know that it can be sometimes a little bit confusing since you don't know the entire story yet. But don't despair, everything will become clear in due time.

I hope you liked the interlude with Michiru's mother. You'll see more of her (and Michiru's father) as the story proceeds.

And many asked me why Tamara reacts so violently against Michiru, especially her being a lesbian. Students at that age can be very cruel. It doesn't have to be homosexuality. They can be mean if you wear the wrong clothes, if you have glasses (and they don't), if you have the wrong friends or the wrong family background. During puberty it doesn't matter in which way you're different – as long as you ARE different they'll attack. I don't think that Tamara hates so much Michiru's homosexuality. I think she simply hates Michiru (maybe because she's smarter or more beautiful or richer in Tamara's eyes) and her homosexuality is the only way for Tamara to attack her and to speak so ill about her.

Next update 

A youma attacks on the school grounds. Michiru receives Hotaru's test results. Haruka finds them and panics.


	7. Chapter 3: Taking care 2

"Michiru?"

The girl still held two warm rolls in her hands, preparing their breakfast table. She turned around as she heard her name, seeing Haruka standing in the door frame. Hotaru wasn't with her; surely she was still in her cradle. It was very early in the morning, but Michiru couldn't sleep any longer.

"What's up, Haruka?" she asked and put the rolls on the plates. Now, she only had to take care of her black coffee and the hot milk for the tall blonde.

"Do you have some sanitary towels for me? Since Hime-chan's birth it's been so irregular that I simply didn't see the signs," said Haruka and blushed slightly. It seemed to be a little bit embarrassing for her.

For a moment Michiru was silent. She turned her head and glanced over to the tall girl who had crossed her arms before her chest in a protective gesture.

"No problem," she whispered finally and left the kitchen. "I am sure Sissy can help you."

"Wait! You don't have to wake Setsuna up!" But before Haruka could follow her, Michiru had already disappeared behind the door that was always illuminated during the night.

Why didn't she tell me that hers are out, too? I could have bought some in the mall near school.

Haruka frowned and cursed herself as the pain increased inside her belly.

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"How are you feeling?" Michiru held her school books tighter in her hands while she walked next to Haruka. Most of the time she had problems to match the tall blonde's speed, but today the girl seemed to be a little bit slower than normal.

"Fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Hai, I am feeling completely fine." Haruka lowered her head as she felt that she blushed again. She simply hated everything that reminded her of the fact that she was indeed a girl. Especially after all the damn stuff she had seen during the past three years. Yes, she loved to be Hotaru's mommy, but that was a completely different story. Hotaru loved her, no matter who she was. Haruka didn't like herself a lot. Not as a girl, anyway.

"Really? No cramps? Aren't you feeling dizzy? Shall I take you home?"

"Michiru? Has your concern anything to do with the math test we're writing today?" suspected Haruka and grinned as Michiru sulked innocently.

"No, of course not. Where did you get this crazy idea from?" She stopped quickly before the classroom door and raised her hand towards Haruka's forehead. "Are you sure that you don't have any fever? You can't go to school with fever, you know that, don't you?"

Haruka took the cold hand and held it tightly for some moments.

"Don't worry, you've learned a lot during the past days. I am sure you won't fail."

"I am not that sure. I mean, one and one are four, right?" Michiru smiled sheepishly and the tall blonde had to giggle.

"Just trust in yourself, Michiru."

"If that would be so easy..." The rich girl lowered her head and Haruka frowned. Too well she remembered how she had held a sobbing Michiru in her arms. How the smaller girl had cried and searched so badly for comfort that she really took the clumsy comfort Haruka could offer her.

"Hey..."

_What's up? She looks always so self-confident. She is talented, intelligent and loved. Doesn't she know? Everyone likes her a lot._

_Everyone?_

Haruka sighed slightly and squeezed the cold hand gently.

_Yes, everyone!_

"Hey, don't make such a face. What would Elza say? It's only math." Haruka raised her head as some pupils went by. Ignoring their curious glances she glanced searchingly around. "By the way, where's our red devil today?"

"She has training with her athletic team. From now on she'll have a lot of training, because the competitions will be soon and she wants to win, of course," answered Michiru and they both went into the class room as the school bell rang. "Do you want to sit next to me while she runs around in the gymnasium?"

"Hai." Haruka nodded and rolled her eyes as Tamara first made a stunned face and finally some nasty comments.

"So she's infected you, too? Are you a bloody lesbian, too? Now?" shouted the black haired girl and some other girls agreed loudly. Some other however stayed silent. They knew that it was senseless to argue with Tamara. You couldn't win against someone you couldn't convince of that you were right.

Michiru didn't respond anything. She pushed her books a little bit too energetically on the table and sat down. Immediately, she opened her exercise book and wrote down some words. As if she would read over her homework again, but Haruka sensed that she was very angry and hurt. Still, she didn't defence herself. Maybe she tried it in the past, but you could only fail if you argued with someone like Tamara.

"I think the government should kill people like her! They aren't worth living! To love another girl, that's not normal. It's an illness that needs to be cured!"

_**- Who are you? You look like a boy, but you are a girl? -**_

_**- Let me go! -**_

_**- That's disgusting! Do you know that? You are disgusting! -**_

_**- I've told you... -**_

_**- Shut up and do what I tell you or I will kill you! -**_

_**- Please... -**_

_**- Nevertheless, I'll kill you. Someone like you is not worth living! -**_

_**- No... -**_

_**- You fucking little whore! -**_

Haruka clenched her fists as she heard his voice again in her mind. As she had heard it so often: in her nightmares. In long nights she woke up. Screaming. Screaming in silence for help. Hikari came in time to help her, a total stranger. She could save her life that night, but not change her memories. During the coming months the nightmares got rarer and rarer, although sometimes they were simply in her mind again, in her memory. When she saw a knife that was a little bit like the knife he had held that night. When she saw someone who looked a little bit like him. When someone told her that someone else was not worth living. Just like Tamara had done right now.

"Say a word, Tenô! Or are you dumb now? Did she infect you, too? With that dangerous illness?"

_- Don't touch me, Haru-chan! -_

_- But Hika-chan, I only want to hold you. I am cold... -_

Of course it had been a cold night. Of course they both had frozen like hell. Of course Hikari had known that she wasn't only begging for a little bit warmth, but also for love. For someone she could trust again. For someone who would stay by her side and heal her wounds. However, Hikari had known from the beginning that she hadn't been that person.

_**- I've told you that you mustn't touch me! -**_

_**- But... -**_

_**- You know I'm ill! -**_

_**- That doesn't matter to me! -**_

_**- But it matters to me! I don't want you to be infected, too! -**_

_**- Hey, I've only wanted to hold you and... -**_

_**- Hai, and... -**_

They had spent all night in the bitter cold, being angry at each other and sad the same time. Hikari didn't want her to get ill, as well. It had been her own law to push everyone away in her life, until her death. Haruka had loved Hikari and to see her in pain just because of that bloody illness that didn't bother her at all. That night and may nights to follow she wasn't allowed to hold the girl she loved. The memory still hurt, just like her soul would never be healed. Haruka wasn't sure if she would ever overcome that pain. The only time she had been allowed to hold Hikari tightly had been shortly before Hikari's death, because the girl hadn't had any power any longer to push her away.

"She did infect..."

Haruka let out her breath and before Michiru could react, she stood next to Tamara. Shaking the smaller girl's shoulders. Her dark green eyes sparkled and she looked really threatening.

"Don't talk about things you don't understand!" whispered the tall blonde and shook Tamara again. "Never talk about infections and illnesses in that ignorant way again! You don't know what those words mean in reality!"

_**- Gomen nasai, Haru-chan. -**_

_**- Hush, Hika-chan. It's okay. Everything is going to be alright. I'll take you to a hospital and you'll feel better. I promise you, I'll take care of you! -**_

_**- You can't help me. It's over, I know it. -**_

_**- Hush, don't say such things. I know that I can help you. Just stay awake, okay? You'll be in a hospital in no time. Don't worry, I'll never let you down. -**_

_**- Gomen nasai... -**_

_**- Hika-chan! Stay awake! -**_

"Never say such stupid words again or I'll really use the milk bottle!" Haruka didn't feel that Tamara tried to hit her. Her reflects were too good, even after Hotaru's birth. She had to fight a lot during the past years and she had a good teacher who told her every dirty trick she needed to survive. Without any problems she evaded Tamara's fists and shook her even harder.

"Never ever dare to say such words to Michiru! They are mean and hurt!" Haruka let go of the girl as the teacher entered the room. Tamara sat down on her chair and looked surprised and really, really angry. She clenched her fists, but thought better as the teacher watched them for some moments in patience.

"This is my last warning!"

Haruka went over to her table to sit down. As the teacher told them she opened her exercise book and took her pencil to start the math test. Her thoughts still spun around in her mind and she felt sick. Not only because of the pain in her belly, but also because of the memories that crashed down on her like a waterfall. A waterfall of tears. No, she wouldn't cry. That had never made any sense nor did it help, but she knew that incredible headaches would torture her for the rest of the day which wouldn't help her any better to survive the rest of the eight school lessons.

Michiru couldn't concentrate on the test, as well. All the time she had to stare at Haruka and aske herself why she had reacted so suddenly. And why she had reacted _this_ way.

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"If you ignore Tamara, that would be fine, too. No one would call you a coward or so. Everyone knows that Tamara is spoiled and has problems," said Michiru and opened her umbrella. It rained and they had to cross the entire school yard to reach the silver Ferrari. Elza was still at the race track and told them not to wait for her, because the club wanted to go to McDonald's after the extra training.

"Big problems!" exclaimed Haruka and sighed deeply. "It's just not fair. She says hurting things and no one reacts. Someone has to tell her to stop otherwise she will never learn how to behave."

"And you think that you are the right person?" Michiru held the umbrella over herself and Haruka next to her and looked around, but there was no one who could have seen them. "Don't understand me wrongly, Haruka, it's really brave what you did, but it's senseless. Elza has tried it during the past three years, but failed. And if someone like Elza fails in telling Tamara to shut up, then you won't achieve it, too."

Haruka didn't respond anything and so they walked for a while in silence. All that could be heard was the cold rain, falling down to earth. The raindrops splashed in the puddles and the wind ripped out some leaves. Heavy with rain they fell down to earth, as well, and formed a dirty mass together with the icy water. It was really an ugly day. As they had said on TV: the weather wouldn't change during the coming week.

_Just ask her. What should she do? _

Haruka glanced at her boots while she walked. They were dirty now, but warm inside. They were new, as well. Elza went shopping again with her while Setsuna had to work and did the baby sitting and Michiru had some rehearsals with her violin. They both went shopping for shoes. Haruka got some soft slippers and those wonderful boots which would lead her with warm feet over the winter, while Elza bought herself some screaming red boots. They almost touched her knees when she wore them. Of course Setsuna scolded her that they were senseless. That Elza couldn't wear them at all when it was snowy outside, because she would slip and fall. However, while she had said that with a loud voice, sighing desperately, because Elza showed her cheeky her tongue, she looked longingly at the boots. As if she wanted to have some crazy, total senseless but the same time beautiful boots for herself, as well.

_Just ask her._

_And if she hates me afterwards?_

_Why should she hate you? She said that you are her best friend. Best friends don't hate each other!_

Haruka kicked a little stone away and it drowned in the next puddle.

_Why do I want to know the truth? It doesn't matter. Nothing will change. _

_Really?_

_Really?_

_Hai, really! I should never forget who I am and who she is! I am only the beggar, but she is the rich princess. This isn't a fair tale!_

_Really?_

_Really?_

_Hai, really! Life has never been a fairy tale! That's why they invented such books: to dream a dream that will never come true!_

Yet, at the same time Haruka knew too well that she had already started to dream: about what her life would be if she weren't the beggar, but the prince. If there were real friendship between the rich girl and her. Friendship and trust, not only a crazy contract that made her be a senshi, whatever that was, and that made sure that Hotaru would be operated and survived her childhood. Haruka wanted so badly to have a friend. Yet, to have not only someone as her friend, but Michiru. There were so many things she wanted to talk about. So many things she was afraid to talk about at the same time, because she didn't know how Michiru would react. If she would hate her afterwards. If she would see her with different eyes. If she would beat her and throw her out of her house. Or if she would understand her...

_Stop dreaming!_

But she couldn't. Not after she had seen Michiru being so kindly to Hime-chan. Not after she had seen how much the rich girl loved the little baby. Not after she had seen how much the young violinist cared for the little girl, how she had talked to the friendly doctor and bought all those nice things for her. How she had held her tight and rocked her until little Hotaru feel asleep.

_Stop dreaming!_

But she couldn't. Not after she had felt the trembling body in her arms. Not after she had heard the desperate sobs. Not after she had sensed the pain in the other one's soul. Not after she had felt the need for comfort. For comfort and understanding. For a lonely soul that wanted so badly to be loved. Just like her own soul...

_Stop dreaming!_

But she couldn't. Not after she had felt two soft arms being wrapped around her waist. Not after she had felt the warm body being pressed against her own one. Not after she had felt those warm fingers caressing her belly and the scar that crossed it. The scar that showed that she was a mother. That she gave birth to a lovely little girl. At the age of just eighteen. The scar that showed that she had done some mistakes in her life. That showed that she let down her pride - even if it had been only for once. That showed that she wasn't innocent any longer. Not as innocent as her daughter still was. As her daughter would hopefully be all her life. Haruka would do anything to protect her against the evil of the world. Against the hell she had walked through. Michiru obviously didn't see any of those things. She had only seen a scar and sensed the pain that surely stood behind it. She had simply caressed it and asked with her soft voice if it was still hurting, if it had been a hard birth, if Haruka was feeling fine. She had promised her to fight for Hime-chan, to save the little girl, no matter what the cost. With her warm hands she had taken away a little bit of the pain that still raged in Haruka's soul.

_Stop dreaming!_

But she knew she couldn't. Not any longer. She was already too deep in a wonderful dream that would be over too soon. She knew that, but she wanted to ignore it. It was the dream of belonging to someone, to a nice family. It was the dream of being accepted the way she was: a tomboy with the appearance of a boy, but the heart of a girl. It was the dream of forgiveness and understanding for the past years. As it was the dream of being loved. Without any consequences. Being simply loved for what she was. Deep inside of her.

She would do anything for that dream. Even if it would last only for a minute. To see her daughter growing up and to feel how someone would embrace her and hold her warmingly, she would have crucified herself.

"Michiru?"

"Hai?"

They had almost reached the silver Ferrari. Michiru had some more rehearsals at the opera, but she would drive home first. To take her violin and to eat a little lunch. She hoped that Setsuna had already prepared something, because she wasn't in the mood to search the fridge for something to eat.

_Now or never! She won't kill you!_

_Sure?_

"Is it true? I mean, what Tamara says?" Haruka turned her head and looked directly into deep blue eyes that grew wide.

"You mean..." However, before Michiru could finish her sentence, a bright light appeared and threw her umbrella away. Michiru's cheeks turned from slightly redden towards pale as she turned around. Haruka did the same and shook her head, not believing what she saw. There was someone, or better something, between the bushes near the parking space. It looked a little bit like a tree, but not like the normal trees in the park and the forest. It looked more like a mad tree that had learned how to walk over the past hours and wanted to take revenge for all its dead colleagues now. Obviously, it wanted to start with them.

"What the hell is that?" whispered Haruka astonished and stumbled as Michiru grabbed her hand and pulled her away with her.

"That's a youma!" shouted Michiru and pushed a golden stick in Haruka's hands. It was the same stick she had shown her when they got to know each other over a month ago. "Just say _'Sailor Uranus, make up'_ and everything will be clear." The rich girl raised her own stick, but Haruka held her back.

"What's all this about?" she demanded to know, but another lightening separated them.

"This is a youma. Our natural enemy. It searches for our talismans, too, but we have to defeat it and find the talismans on our own."

"That sounds crazy!" shouted Haruka and evaded another lightening, staring at the stick in her hand in disbelieve. "This sounds totally mad!"

"I've told you that it's crazy, but it's reality! You are Sailor Uranus! Transform and help me! You are the only one who can do that!" Michiru raised the stick in her hands and suddenly the wind became rougher. Haruka believed to see a big wave of crystal clear water surrounding the rich girl, but it was over before she could react.

Now Michiru's school uniform was gone. Instead, she wore a strange one: the skirt was as short as Michiru would have never worn it voluntarily. She preferred skirts that reached her ankles when she walked. Something golden sparkled in her sea green hair, but she turned towards the monster before Haruka could identify it.

"Deep submerge!" screamed the rich girl and something came out of the golden stick. It looked like a ball. Or a planet. It was sea green and grew as it flew incredibly fast towards the monster.

_Nani?_

_What kind of nonsense is that?_

_Does I have to fight against such creatures, as well?_

_Who is that Sailor Uranus?_

Haruka stared doubtfully at the stick in her hands and gulped.

"Transform! Haruka! Don't be so lazy! Transform and help me!" screamed Michiru and Haruka raised her head. She saw the rich girl jumping over the school yard and wondered why no one else saw the fight. Why no teacher came out of the school and called the police. Didn't they see them? Or did they ignore them?

"Say the formula and transform! Haruka!" The lightening grew more and more intense and the youma laughed madly. Its big branches touched Michiru and she cried out in pain. Her left glove was suddenly red.

"Haruka! Help me!"

_**- Haru-chan... -**_

The tall blonde didn't think much as she reacted, letting instinct take over. She let the stick fall and bowed. Quickly, she picked up some stones and threw them at the monster. It forgot Michiru at the instant and turned around to come slowly over to Haruka. Hundreds of roots groaned as they lurched over the school yard.

_**- Haru-chan... help me... -**_

Haruka didn't see the monster, nor did she see its thick branches reaching for her. Again, she saw Hikari before her eyes. Her best friend who was on the ground, bleeding, because she hadn't been around when she went with another guy and his big car. She could escape him, but she had been hurt. Deeply hurt.

"You asshole!" screamed Haruka and threw some more stones at the howling tree. Now it was attacked by a raging blonde and by water planets that were weaker now but still strong enough to harm it.

"You fucking asshole!"

_**- Shimatta! Where did he hurt you? -**_

_**- I have... no idea... -**_

_**- Shall I call an ambulance? -**_

_**- Joker! Who... who pays the... the doctor? -**_

_**- Hika-chan...-**_

_**-Don't touch me! -**_

_**- But you bleed! -**_

_**- Don't... -**_

_**- Come, I'll take care of you. -**_

_**- Haru-chan... -**_

"You fucking asshole!" Haruka threw some more stones, but soon she stood on the asphalt of the parking lot next to some cars. There were no stones left, as there was no chance of escape. Not this way. All that was left was attack.

"You hurt her!" As Haruka's fingers couldn't find another weapon, she reached inside her school bag and threw it away. A small dagger sparkled in her hands. It was plain and well used, but the blade was sharp. It once had been a gift from Hikari and she never gave it away. Somehow she had managed to smuggle it into the hospital. She had it always with her, no matter where she went. It was more than a habit; it had become part of her character: to be able to defend herself, anytime. She never wanted to be helpless again.

"You will never hurt her!" She raised the dragger and jumped at the youma before it could react. She stabbed it three times right into the trunk. "Never! Never!"

The next moment she was wet and before she knew what had happened, she sat on a broken tree. A lifeless tree. Or at least as immobile as most trees were in the forests.

_**- I'll always take care of you, Hika-chan. -**_

_**- Nice promise... but... but you won't hold it... -**_

"Never..." breathed the tall blonde and the dagger escaped her suddenly trembling hands.

"Haruka?"

_**- ...you won't hold it... -**_

"Haruka?"

She needed some moments to realize that someone was calling her name. Slowly, very slowly she turned her head and stared through wet strands at Michiru. She still wore the strange uniform with the short skirt and held the stick tightly in her hands. The glove was still covered with blood, but the wound didn't seem to be deep. It had already stopped bleeding. Blue eyes were wide and Michiru watched her with literal question marks in her eyes.

"That was..." Haruka could see how Michiru gulped. "That was a … a _special_ kind to fight, Haruka." Michiru lowered her head and the tall blonde saw the dagger lying half covered by mud in a puddle as she followed Michiru's look. "A _very special_ kind, Haruka." Michiru gulped again and stared first at her own henshin, then at the dagger and finally at the tall blonde again who still crouched on one of the tree's branches.

"But the next time, try to transform. That will make things a lot more easier."

Haruka nodded slowly, still not knowing how she should transform. And the longer she thought about the youma and the talismans, the less she wanted to know what it meant to transform into that senshi called Sailor Uranus.

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"Take a shower so that you won't get ill." Michiru ran into her room, jumped out of her school uniform and grabbed a pullover and warm pants. Three seconds in the bathroom were enough and she already ran through her room again. To grab her violin case and her music sheets. She was already extremely late and her conductor would be angry with her.

"Your hand is hurt," protested Haruka who had followed her. Setsuna was downstairs. She worked with her laptop in the kitchen while Hotaru slept in her cradle and Orpheus watched the dinner cooking in the oven.

"No problem!" Michiru wanted to rush through the door as Haruka held her back.

"I think you should cancel this rehearsal. It's not good for your hand to play when you can hardly move it!"

"I can move it!" Michiru waved her hand pointedly in front of Haruka's face, but the tall blonde could see the pain in deep eyes.

"It is only a rehearsal, Michiru. A rehearsal, not a concert!"

"I've never cancelled a rehearsal!" snapped Michiru, suddenly very angry and went over to the stairs. "And I wouldn't be hurt if you had transformed and not attacked the youma with a dagger!" The rich girl ran downstairs and quickly exchanged her slippers with her boots. "Don't wait with the dinner, I'll be late."

"Michiru!" Haruka followed her and touched her right shoulder. "You shouldn't do that."

"Shut up!" Michiru held her violin case tighter and winced as the pain increased in her hand. Of course she wouldn't be able to play properly, but she would have never given in. She had never cancelled a rehearsal before and she wouldn't do so just because a youma had attacked her. Just because she had gotten a little bit hurt. Just because Sailor Uranus, her partner by the stars, hadn't transformed. "You aren't here to give me bloody advice!"

The moment Haruka let her go and stepped a little bit back told Michiru that she shouldn't have said that. Only because their strange contract was four weeks old didn't mean that the tall blonde had forgotten about it. She knew too well what she had promised Michiru for her daughter's health: to fight against youmas, to find the talismans and to do what Michiru told her. And not to treat her like a small girl who didn't know when she was exhausted.

Damn, she felt exhausted.

But she couldn't give up. She never gave up. She had never cancelled a rehearsal or a concert in her entire life. Not when she had to play with the Tokyo Orchestra.

The big clock tolled and Michiru winced again.

"Shimatta! One hour too late. Tsumasa-san will kill me!" she screamed out loud, grabbed the car keys and the next moment the door closed with a loud bang. There were some more curses heard before the engine started and the silver Ferrari drove away as if it was on a flight.

I am not here to give her advice.

Suddenly, Haruka froze. She wrapped her arms around her body and stared at the closed door. Again she saw the youma, saw Michiru standing there with the golden stick in her hands. Again she saw the fight flashing before her eyes, still not understanding its meaning.

"Haruka?"

She turned slowly around as she heard Setsuna's voice. The tall woman leaned against the kitchen's door and looked really tired, as if she hadn't slept the last nights.

"You look soaked, Haruka."

"We had a fight," said tall blonde, turning again towards the closed door. Knowing too well that it wouldn't open again. Elza had training and Michiru her stupid rehearsal.

"With a youma?"

"Hai."

"Bloody creatures, aren't they?"

"Hai."

"They always fight unfair, don't they?"

"Hai."

Setsuna frowned as Haruka's answers were so monosyllabic. Slowly, she came over to the tall girl.

"Michi used her powers and splashed you as she defeated the youma, didn't she?"

"Hai."

"And you didn't transform into Sailor Uranus, did you?"

For a moment there was silence between them. Silence that told Setsuna that she was right. Suddenly, she knew why her smaller sister had been so angry: not only because she had been too late for her rehearsal. Since she had known that she was Sailor Neptune and had to fight against youmas she had been too late quite often. Okay, she had never cancelled a rehearsal, but more than once she had come about twenty minutes before it ended. No, Michiru had been angry that Haruka couldn't transform. Maybe she was angry with Haruka, all. However, Setsuna knew that she was the angriest with herself. That she had thought she had found the third senshi, that she had let Haruka live here and took care of her. That she had opened herself a little bit and let the tall blonde be her friend. And that it all seemed to have been in vain, because Haruka seemed to be proud and brave and surely the best mother Hotaru could have, but she wasn't Sailor Uranus. Obveriously, she was a fighter, but she didn't seem to be a senshi.

Or is it really because of her thin body, too weak after Hime-chan's birth? Does she need some more weeks to recover, some more months? Do we simply have to be patient? Do we have the time to be patient?

Setsuna sighted deeply and squeezed Haruka's right arm.

"Don't worry, Haruka. Michi is often that way. She takes everything too serious: school, her violin play, her swimming and her drawing. And being a senshi. If anything goes wrong she gets angry and shouts at everything and everyone." Setsuna sighed again. "It's not your fault, Haruka. She simply needs to calm down. I always try to tell her that her behaviour is not healthy, that she'll have an heart attack sooner or later, but she never listens to me." The young woman shrugged her shoulders. "I am only her older sister, I am not allowed to give her any advice, either."

Haruka kept silent, still staring at the closed door.

"Take a hot shower and come down. I've made chicken." Setsuna went back to the door, but still Haruka didn't move.

This will cause more trouble than I had thought.

"Hurry up. Hime-chan already waits for you."

Finally, Haruka nodded and went upstairs as she heard her daughter's nickname.

I am not here to give advice...

dbdbdb

It was past midnight. The rehearsal had stopped one hour ago, but still Michiru sat in one of the changing rooms the musicians used to take care of their instruments. She hadn't moved during the past sixty minutes. All she had done was staring at the cell phone in her hands. Hearing again and again the words Dr. Sugara had told her. They had looked over the checkups very quickly and now he had told her the result. Earlier than she had expected. Worse than she had expected. Much worse.

Damn...

Michiru didn't feel the tears running down her redden cheeks. As she didn't realize that the lights went out on the corridor, one by one. The door of her changing room stood still open, but she didn't care about it. Now she was the last one in the opera. She did have a key, of course. She could leave the old building whenever she wanted. Although she wasn't sure if she would leave it at all. Her legs felt like pudding and she trembled so much that she could hardly control her body any longer. All she could do was to sit. To sit and to listen again to his words in her mind. And to sob a little bit louder.

Shimatta...

She couldn't leave the opera. That would have meant to go home. To face Haruka. To tell her the results. To tell her how tiny the chances were. How complicate it all had become, because the other doctors had waited for too long. It would have been so much easier if Hotaru would have been examined by a specialist from the beginning, from the first attack on. But Haruka didn't have the money to go to a specialist. Instead, she had tried to save her money for an operation that wouldn't have helped her daughter by the time she would have had the money.

Shimatta...

Michiru sobbed quietly. No, she couldn't go back now. That would have meant to face Haruka. To see her so sad. It was alike to Michiru if Haruka wouldn't want to be Sailor Uranus any longer. If she had ever been a senshi. Michiru simply wanted to help Hotaru. No matter how tiny the chance was.

_It is still a chance!_

_Hai, but they can't repair her heart any longer!_

_It is still a chance!_

_Hai, but it's a complete different operation! It's a lot more difficult and dangerous. Even if Dr. Sugara-san will arrange everything on time, he still doesn't know if Hime-chan is strong enough to survive the dangerous operation!_

_It is still a chance!_

_Hai, but such a tiny one..._

The cell phone fell hard on the ground as Michiru wasn't able to hold it any longer. She couldn't go home. That would have meant to face Haruka's desperate face. And Hotaru's laughing one. A little girl who loved her and who was happy when she was around. A little girl who didn't know how dangerous her illness really was.

Shimatta...

Michiru covered her eyes with her hands and cried silently.

_A tiny chance is still a chance, isn't it?_

_Isn't it?_

_Isn't it?_

_Hai..._

After a long time Michiru bowed and picked up the cell phone. To dial Dr. Sugara's number. And to talk to him for almost the rest of the night.

_Tiny, but we have to risk it!_

dbdbdb

The days became colder. And darker, earlier in the evening. Yet, the trees were full with coloured leaves, but she could feel, almost smell the snow. Especially here near the sea. The water looked colder, as well, and somehow stronger. Maybe that was caused by the rain. It had rained the last day and these minutes were just a short break. It was only a matter of time until it would change into snow.

Maybe we'll have a white Christmas this year.

Slowly, she walked through the wet sand. It crackled under her boots, but she hardly heard it. All she listened to was the silent laughter of a small girl. Tiny hands were stretched towards the sea birds flying over them. Screaming loud when they crashed into the sea to get their evening meal.

It would be a happier Christmas than the past year.

Too well she remembered how she had spent the past Christmas. In small flat, between two visits in the hospital. She had felt as alone as she had never felt before. Not even when her parents had died. Not even when she had spent endless long nights in the orphanage. Not even when she finally had ran away and had tried to survive on the street in the darkest parts of Tokyo. Not even when Hikari had coughed herself to death…

It had been the worst Christmas in her life. All people around in the mall, where she got a little job in a fast food restaurant for those days to give those shopping people little gifts, mostly vouchers for the restaurant, were so happy. They had carried huge bags and bought nice and partly senseless things for their families. Proud fathers and beautiful mothers had walked by with happy grinning children by their side. Children who had known what they would get or at least who hoped that their parents bought the right gifts.

Haruka sighed deeply and held her daughter a little bit tighter as Hotaru tried to reach one of those birds and was depressed that she couldn't.

She had never felt so superfluous in her entire life, so unwanted, so unloved. There had been no one in the tiny flat waiting for her. No one who had needed her. No one who had loved her.

Hotaru clenched her tiny fists and whimpered because all those birds flew away and not towards her as she had hoped.

Haruka had sat all night on her small bed and had stared at the grey walls, trying hard to ignore a night everyone outside her flat was celebrating. In another world as it had occurred to her. And then there had been that angel who had saved her life some months ago. A little angel who gave her the strength to survive the hell that had followed. To be able to look in their faces, to feel their sympathy and their disgust, to know that there was no place in their shinning world. Not really. Yet, this angel had shown her that there was still someone who needed, who probably would love her without consequences. That there was still a reason to carry on.

"Hey, Hime-chan, you can't fly, yet. You are too small" whispered Haruka and giggled silently as Hotaru stretched again her tiny fists towards the flying sea birds above them.

That dark Christmas night had been the first time that Haruka had felt Hotaru. Her little angel had kicked inside her belly, but it had felt more like the wings of a butterfly. It had only lasted for the split of a second, but it had brightened up the dark Christmas night. Haruka had spent the rest of it talking to her unborn child. And suddenly, she hadn't felt all alone any longer. Suddenly, she had understood what pregnancy really meant. What was behind her belly growing bigger with every week. Suddenly, she had realized that she had gotten a second chance: to have a family again. To be there for someone again. To care for someone again. And she had known that she would use that chance. That she wouldn't make any mistakes this time.

Hotaru spread her arms and leaned forward. Now, there was again a happy smile on her redden face. She looked longingly up to the birds.

"My little bird, you'll fly when you are older," whispered Haruka and looked up to the sky, as well, silently swearing that she would use this chance. That she wouldn't make any silly mistakes. That Hotaru would grow up. That she would ran along this beach one day, trying to catch those birds while jumping towards the sky. Just the way Haruka had done when she had been a child.

Don't worry, you'll be a strong girl, Hime-chan. You'll be lively and make my nights to day.

Haruka gulped and held her daughter a little bit tighter. It was now one week that they had visited the doctor, but still there was no result. Haruka had hoped that they would get informed a little bit earlier, but Michiru always shook her head sadly when she asked her, and quickly carried on to the next rehearsal.

_If it had been bad news, they would have informed us earlier, wouldn't they?_

Haruka sighed deeply and kissed her daughter's forehead. The little girl yawned in return. It had already been too exhausting for her.

"Haruka?"

She turned around and saw Elza running towards her in the twilight. The sun was behind clouds and setting quickly. The wind got rougher and Elza froze. She didn't wear a thick jacket like Haruka. Instead, she wore a dirtied apron and held a wooden spoon in her right hand.

"Come in, Haruka. Dinner is ready. Before Sissy goes without having eaten her share. You know how she is."

Haruka nodded and followed the smaller girl. Yes, slowly, she knew how the young woman could be. Setsuna was scheduled to be away for this weekend to show the firm her new computer programme she had only finished yesterday night. Right now, she was in a hurry and whenever Setsuna was in a hurry, everything else suddenly turned out to be unimportant: her food, her clothes, even her laptop. Elza and Haruka agreed silently that they would look after Setsuna so that she didn't forget her laptop with the important programme when she would take a taxi to get to the airport. Michiru wasn't around to drive her; she had another rehearsal with her orchestra. As she had had over the past five days. Often, she returned very late in the night and was tired the next morning. They had hardly talked to each other in school and right after their last lesson, Michiru was again away with her violin in her hand and a painful expression on her face. Haruka had tried to talk to her about her hand and about Hotaru, but Michiru never had time. She only headed away quickly.

Setsuna only shrugged her shoulders and said that it was always this way when Christmas approached: Michiru had a lot of concerts to do and this year she wanted to publish another CD about classical and modern music. And that her conductor wanted her to sing, but that they couldn't decide which song.

Elza only waved her hand and said that this was simply Michiru's way of living with her music. That she was dead when she didn't run from one rehearsal to another one.

Haruka silently disagreed. She didn't know Michiru as well as they did, but she had the strange feeling that this behaviour wasn't normal. Not even for a famous musician like she was. The more Haruka thought about the past days, the more she had the feeling that Michiru didn't run from one rehearsal to the next, but that she ran away. From something the tall blonde didn't know. Yet.

"What did you cook?"

"Salad," answered Elza and waved the spoon in her hands. "And a baguette."

"Didn't know that you can cook salad."

Elza turned around for a second and raised her eyebrows.

"I would have burned it, anyway," answered Haruka and cradled her daughter who had fallen asleep. Soon, she would get hungry and wake up, but Haruka would let her sleep until that moment. She looked so peaceful when she slept, like a little angel. Who had come from heaven to save her. With an innocent smile, with a happy laughter, with the touch of her tiny hand grabbing her blonde strands. Simply like that.

Elza only laughed and held the balcony door open for her.

"It's getting colder. Wonder when it starts to snow," wondered the red haired girl aloud and took care for the dishes while Haruka laid her daughter carefully in the cradle and stripped her shoes and her jacket.

"It looks more like rain right now."

"Right."

For a moment there was silence between them that was suddenly interrupted by a tall woman who literally crashed into the room. Setsuna was wearing a dark green suit that fitted perfectly to her, but her hair was still damp. She had covered the most of it with a towel as she stumbled over the carpet. Orpheus only raised the big head, but the dog seemed to be used to Setsuna's hectic behaviour. Soon, the St. Bernhard dog was fast asleep again. He didn't like salad so much and knew that begging was senseless.

"Gomen, but I really have to..."

"You have to eat something. The taxi won't be here before seven. So, sit down and eat!" said Elza determinedly and pulled Setsuna towards her chair after she had put the packed laptop carefully on the ground. "You still have half an hour time. Don't mess up, okay?"

Setsuna let out a deep breath as she said down and nodded finally.

"Okay."

"When will you return?" asked Elza while she took the baguette out of the oven and gave them all a big piece of it.

"Sunday evening I hope." Setsuna took her fork and ate the salad in a speed Elza normally used – and Setsuna normally didn't like to see. "I hope that's not a big problem for you." She looked directly at Haruka who searched in her salad for the cheese.

"No," the tall blonde shook her head. "Today is Friday. No school the next two days." Quickly, she glanced over to Hotaru who still slept in her cradle near the table. "I have to be thankful that you are always taking care for her when I am at school, Setsuna. You don't have to feel guilty just because you aren't here this weekend. Presenting your programme is your job."

Setsuna blushed because of that compliment and wolfed down her baguette. She didn't even complain that there was too less spice on the salad sauce.

"Believe me, Haruka, I'd prefer to baby sit our little sunshine all weekend than being just for one minute at this meeting." Setsuna took her glass of tea and sighed deeply. "I love this job. I love it to work with computers, but I guess I am not very good in working with people."

"Oh, don't worry, they'll like you and they'll love your programme," grinned Elza and raised her hands. "Otherwise I'll have to punish them all. When I am finished with them they'll come to you on their knees and beg you for forgiveness."

Setsuna smiled quickly, then she finished her dinner and was already in a hurry. She threw the towel on the ground, grabbed her scarf, put it around her neck and was out of the room before Haruka even had the chance to start with her meal.

"Sissy?" screamed Elza, half laughing, half annoyed.

"Hai?" Setsuna's head appeared again in the frame. She was now brushing her hair and trying to get into her high heels at once. A circus artist wouldn't have earned the same astonishing affect.

"Didn't you forget something?"

"Oh yeah, good bye to you two. Take care of yourself while I am away and don't try to burn the house this time, Elza."

"That was only ONE time, Sissy! And that's now four years ago."

"Hai, that's what makes me wonder the most: when you'll try it again. Four years are a long time to make big plans and stuff," answered Setsuna and hang her jacket around her shoulders. The taxi would arrive soon and she didn't want to waste a single second.

"You are impossible!"

"Just like you!"

"ARG!"

Haruka only watched them in silence. Slowly, she got used to those little fights, although she still wondered why they argued this way. This hidden way. Why they didn't talk to each other about it. Openly.

"Did you forget that candle or somewhere else?"

"It was only a singe candle and Michi could erase it."

"It had been close."

"I didn't do it again, did I?"

Haruka only shook her head and pointed over to the black case still standing in the kitchen. Elza followed her look and started evilly to grin.

"I think there's something else you did forget." She giggled and took the case. Slowly, she went over to the corridor and soon Haruka could only hear their voices.

"Don't you need this?"

"Shimatta! My laptop! Arigato, little one!"

"Hey, I want something for it! I found it and I don't give it away for nothing!"

"You blackmailer! Okay, what is it that you want? A new dress? Going to the cinema? Driving the car on a parking space?"

"What about a goodbye kiss? We won't see each other during the next days."

There was a second of total silence, then Haruka could hear how the door was opened energetically.

"Take yourself a boyfriend and ask him!" snapped Setsuna, suddenly in a very angry tpme and the door closed again with a bang.

Haruka frowned, but she couldn't hear anything else. Elza didn't seem to react. At least she didn't scream any four letter words or kick at the door or crash some furniture. If she was still in the house, she was only standing there, but maybe she had left with Setsuna and they were now standing on the street. In a cold autumn's evening. In the dark. Keeping arguing until the taxi would arrive.

_I wonder why they can't talk about it. Is it such a big deal when you are rich?_

Haruka frowned and started slowly to eat. It had never been complicated for her to say Hikari what she felt, what she wanted. Only those three words she had never been able to say aloud. Maybe because she would have let her defence walls down. Well, maybe it was different when you live on the street and are dependent on your partner, or when you are rich and live in a big house and your partner is only someone you meet in your free time or on parties. Haruka didn't know. She had never been that rich and she had never had such friends. Especially not after her parent's death. However she knew that Elza had to talk to Setsuna about it. Even if Setsuna wouldn't listen to her. Yet, Haruka had made the bitter experience how it felt to say those three little words too late. Or never at all.

Still there could nothing be heard. Only the ticking of the clock near the microwave oven. Haruka turned her head and stared at the pointer walking over the white underground.

I hope Michiru's rehearsals won't be too long.

Haruka sighed deeply and chewed slowly on her baguette as the clock tolled seven in the evening. Mostly, Michiru didn't return before midnight. And somehow the tall blonde had the feeling that it wouldn't get any earlier this night.

dbdbdb

It had started to rain two hours ago, about ten minutes after Elza had left. She had called herself a taxi and went home. She didn't talk to Haruka again, but only grabbed her school bag, her jacket and left. For what Haruka could tell, the red haired girl had looked very sad. And a little bit angry.

I wish I could help her.

Yet, the tall blonde didn't know how. She had been in this family for some weeks now, but still she didn't belong here. She couldn't help Elza. The wild girl wouldn't even have listened to her. Not this evening.

I am not here to give any advice.

Haruka sighed deeply and glanced at her watch. Now, it was five minutes after ten – and there was still no trace of Michiru. As every evening. The tall blonde raised her head and looked over to Hotaru, sleeping deeply in her cradle. She was fed, bathed, got her medicine and new nappies. Happily, she held the toy dolphin in her tiny arms and would sleep for at least two more hours.

I wish Michiru would come home.

There were so many things Haruka wanted so badly to talk about: the doctor's appointment and why they didn't get any results until now. If that was a bad or a good sign. She wanted to talk to her about Setsuna. That she worked too much and slept too little, because she had to take care of Hotaru while Haruka was at school. If there was another possibility for Setsuna to handle a stranger's child and her own job at the same time. And she wanted to talk to Michiru about all those rehearsals. That her hand wasn't healed yet, that she only slept a couple of hours each night, as well. And that she simply had to take care of herself. She was 17, very young. She was still at school and she should think of herself.

Haruka sighed and tried to concentrate again on her English homework. She wanted to wait for Michiru to come home. This way, she had to do something, preventing her from falling asleep. At first, she had wanted to watch TV, but they only sent rubbish. Then she had tried to read a book, but couldn't concentrate on its content. Now she tried to write the essay about their most favourite pet, but she couldn't see any progress when she had to look up almost every second word. Of course she had decided to describe Orpheus who laid right now next to the cradle and slept deep and tight. From time to time his right ear shook, but that was the only motion the big St. Bernhard dog did. Haruka grinned, but made a depressive face as she couldn't translate her Japanese thoughts into English.

I've never been good in languages.

Haruka opened her dictionary for what felt the thousand time and wondered if she'd find this time the right word. The last time she did her homework with this little, but heavy book, Michiru had chuckled a lot as she had corrected it.

But Michiru is very good.

Michiru was a very good student in every subject. The only subject she didn't like was math, but she could draw nice pictures. She could play the violin and do magic, creating one melody after another. She did not only learn English, but also French. Her marks were very good, and she helped Haruka to get by with her marks. The tall blonde had never been the best pupil, but she had missed the past two years and now had to fight in most of the subjects.

_Maybe she's already done this homework?_

Haruka chewed on her pencil and closed the dictionary loudly. It was at least worth a try. They teacher gave them this homework last Monday for the following one. For someone as good as Michiru it was not a big problem. She had some more rehearsals this weekend, maybe she had already written her essay and Haruka could quote some sentences or at least some words that sounded quite nice.

Quickly, Haruka looked at Hotaru and Orpheus, but there was no danger for her daughter. Therefore, she sneaked out of her room and into Michiru's. It was like going in another world. In poetic world. And, no matter how strange it sounded, in the ocean's world. The walls were full with drawings of the sea. Of dancing dolphins. Of sleeping whales. Of the calm sea, reflecting the moon's light on its surface. Of the wild sea crashing against the cliffs. The window was opened, as always, and you could hear the rushes of the near waves, could smell the salt of the big ocean surrounding Japan. Some sea birds screamed, surely on their constant search for food. The bed was right next to the window and it was covered with a lot of sheets, certainly music sheets. There was a book shelf near the door. It was stuffed with books, mostly about musicians. The big CD player was mute now, an opened violin case laid on its top. Michiru didn't have only one violin, she had at least three as Haruka had found out. The carpet was soft and muffled Haruka's steps as she crossed the room. There was another room. A little curtain separated it from the sleeping room. This room looked naked at the first glance, because there were no drawings on the walls, but at the second glance you knew why: because the wall facing the ocean was made out of glass. Pure glass. It was surely a great look to see the sun rise from here. A comfortable looking couch stood near the balcony door that was opened, too. Some easel filled the room. They were all covered with white blankets, obviously, they weren't finished yet. As everywhere, sheets filled with music covered the ground, as well as the dark wood of a big piano. The wing was opened and it seemed to sparkle in the dimmed light that came from the sleeping room. Haruka gulped as she saw it and automatically clenched her fists. She hadn't know about the piano, because Michiru never played it. She only played her violin, sometimes all night. Again and again a sad melody that moved Haruka's heart deeply.

The taller girl sighed silently and without wanting it, she had to stroke over the dark wood. It felt familiar. So damn familiar. She wanted to touch the keys. She wanted to hear the soft melodies again. She wanted...

Haruka's fingers shook as they stroked over the black and white keys. Then she stiffed and turned around.

She didn't want to remember, to get hurt, to mourn again. It was over. Finally over. She couldn't turn back time. She couldn't bring them back to life. Not even when she played the piano the way her father used to do. The way her mother taught her when she had been younger.

Haruka thought of the reason for her intruding Michiru's rooms and left the studio as quickly as she could. It almost looked like a flight. Although the soft melody kept playing inside her head. On and on and on. It would never end. Not really.

Her desk is a mess.

Haruka raised her eyebrows as she looked at the chaos of sheets and opened books and pencils. However, she wanted to finish her homework, therefore, she started carefully to search in it. Somewhere had to be at least Michiru's English book. She always made notes into it. That would at least help a little bit.

"My goodness. And I thought chaos rules in my school bag," muttered Haruka as she tried to dig deeper. Then she stopped. And frowned. And carefully pulled a sheet of paper out of the mountain. It was a letter. A very official looking letter. From the hospital. From Dr. Sugara.

_She got the results?_

Haruka took a deep breath and sat down on the chair, not caring that she sat down on Michiru's evening dress she had forgotten to hang in her wardrobe. Her hands started to shake as she started to read the letter.

_Why didn't she tell me?_

Haruka gulped and suddenly tears burned in her eyes. She didn't have to finish the letter to know why Michiru kept silent. And to know why Michiru ran from one rehearsal to the next. From what exactly she was running away.

Damn...

Haruka's view blurred as she searched again in the hill of papers. She didn't notice that she threw all the books and the notebooks on the ground. That even Michiru's third violin crackled as it hit the carpet. The tall blonde only pulled all the letters out that had the hospital's letterhead. Her heart beat increased as she read them all. All at once. Trying to find somewhere a sentence or at least a word that told her that the first results had been wrong. Her hands shook so hard that she ripped some of those papers, but the result didn't change. Haruka read words she didn't know, she didn't learn at school or at university. She had lived on the street, she hadn't finished school, but she was not stupid. She didn't have to be a doctor to know the meaning of all those letters.

No...

To know that her worst nightmare became real.

dbdbdb

It was past midnight when Michiru parked her silver Ferrari. She yawned and stumbled over to the front door. It was very cold outside and it rained like hell. It had been an exhausting evening and an even more exhausting drive through Tokyo and rain wet outskirts.

Michiru yawned again and stripped her shoes. She held her violin case in her hand, but she hadn't been to a rehearsal. They had some rehearsals this weekend, but not this evening. She had spent the last five hours in the hospital. Talking to her doctor. About the chances and the risks.

Michiru tried to straighten herself, but the fear in her heart didn't get smaller. Now, she had to talk to Haruka about the results. What they meant for Hotaru. What Sugara-san had told her over the past days, during so many endless meetings. What they could, what they had to do in order to save the little girl's life. The chance was small, but it was still a chance. If they fought, they could win.

Michiru sighed deeply and walked upstairs.

All those words she thought of the past days sounded so logical, so easy in her mind, but to say them out loud, she didn't know if Haruka would believe her. And she didn't know how Haruka would react, being confronted with the worst.

Michiru stared for some seconds at Haruka's closed door, but decided against. First, she would put away her violin, then, she would change her clothes and think it over again. And then she would talk to Haruka.

Sissy's not here. She's with that firm to show them her new programme.

Michiru wasn't sure if she should be happy or sad about that fact. She wanted to tell Setsuna all this stuff, as well, and she wanted to have her as support if Haruka would freak out. On the other hand, however, she didn't know if Setsuna wouldn't freak out, as well. And if Setsuna would be angry that she hadn't told her anything over the past weeks she had taken care of the little girl.

Michiru brushed some strands out of her forehead and opened the door to her little empire. Rough wind welcomed her. She frowned, but remembered that she had forgotten to close the windows. As always. She rubbed her tired eyes and looked up. And froze.

The violin case escaped her hand and fell hard on the ground. Her room was a mess. Or at least, it was more chaos than usual. A jumbo seemed to have crashed into her desk and one of her violins laid on the ground. It looked broken.

What the...

"Why didn't you tell me?"

The voice was cold. Incredibly cold. And insensible. Michiru blinked and she needed some moments to realize that the shadow sitting on the ground was Haruka. Her face was in shadows, but Michiru didn't need to read in her expression. She could sense the hate and the anger. As she could see all the letters laying around the tall girl. As she did know what the thick letter contained Haruka was holding in her shaking hand.

"I..." gulped Michiru and suddenly all those well thought words were gone. Her head was empty and she didn't know what to say. "I..."

"This letter is from Tuesday, Michiru! From Tuesday. Today is Friday!" Haruka's voice was silent. Michiru didn't know if she would have preferred a screaming Haruka. This insensible tone was even worse than every angry screams could have been.

"I..."

"You could've at least told me the results. That's all I would have asked you!" Haruka came hard to her feet. Her legs suddenly felt like pudding. The entire world seemed to spin around, but she ignored her dizziness. The same she ignored Michiru's pale face, the tears in her blue eyes. The shocked, helpless expression on her beautiful face.

"I thought you'd be so fair to tell me the truth. But your damn contract is more important, isn't it? You feared that I would go had I known that you wouldn't have to waste your money for an operation. Because an operation isn't necessary now any longer, is it?" Haruka's voice was like a knife in her heart. Michiru shook her head and watched how Haruka came nearer. She had clenched her fists, the letter in her fingers was slightly torn.

"Three days, Michiru! And I really hoped!" Haruka shook her head. "How dare you!" With those words the tall blonde left the room and Michiru could hear another door open. Then she heard a silent whimper she had got to know so well during the past weeks.

"No!" Suddenly, the trance that had kept Michiru's body trapped seemed to disappear. All those words returned, but all at once and in disorder. "No! You can't take her away! You can't simply go like that!" she screamed and stumbled over to the room. Without thinking, she pushed Haruka away from the cradle and stepped protectively in front of it. Determinedly, she spread her arms before the now awaken baby. Little Hotaru obviously was hungry. Maybe she needed new nappies, as well. And she needed this cradle, these soft blankets and a warm room. Not that cold, lonely flat where Haruka couldn't hardly afford the rent.

"Listen to me! Haruka! Listen to me!"

"Why should I? You've lied to me!" Haruka's voice was shaky as she came again to her feet.

This is the end. There's no operation possible for Hime-chan. She won't be wild and chase flying birds. She will never be a strong, little girl. She will never be a beautiful woman. She will never fall in love. She will not even survive next Christmas.

Haruka gulped and the letter fell on the ground.

I'll be alone again. All alone...

She had wanted so badly to save the people she loved: her parents, Hikari and her daughter. Yet, she had failed. In every single case she had failed so badly. She couldn't help them. She couldn't hold them. They all had left her, had left her behind. All alone.

Fuck...

"Go away, Michiru! Our contract is over. Thanks for all the things you gave her, but now it's time to go. I am sure that you'll find someone else to search for those talismans."

_So much suffering._

_So much pain._

_So much wasted hope._

_It's over now! It has to have an end! I won't let all this happen again!_

Haruka tried to bow over the cradle to get her daughter who looked at her with big, dark green eyes as if she knew what was going on.

Let's go home, little princess.

"No!" Michiru grabbed her shoulder and held her back with all her desperate powers. "Listen to me, Haruka! Listen to me, before you freak out!"

"Freaking out! How would you react were the one you love dying slowly?!" growled Haruka and tried to free herself, but Michiru was strong. Or had she become weak during the past months? "Well, you don't know that feeling, you can buy anything with your damn money, can't you?"

"Shut up!" Michiru pressed Haruka against the wall near the cradle. Tears were streaming over her face. "Shut up and listen, Haruka! There's still an operation possible! I've talked to Dr. Sugara-san a lot during the past days! The chance is small, only 30 percent, but it's still a chance. We'll risk it, Haruka. And with a little bit of luck she'll be healthy soon."

"Luck? We Tenôs were never lucky," laughed Haruka, but the laughter sounded crazy and made Michiru freeze. "Didn't you read the letters correctly, you genius? They can't repair Hime-chan's heart. She needs a new heart!"

"She's already on top of the list," whispered Michiru, more tears running over her face. "I wanted to deal with everything before I talk to you about it, Haruka. If there's a heart somewhere in Japan that fits to her body, we'll get it."

Please, Haruka, believe me! I'll want to see Hime-chan alive and happy, too. I love her, too. Don't you know? I love that little daredevil!

"A new heart? A list?"

Suddenly all those memories came crashing back to Haruka.

_**- All she needs are some painkillers. Please, doctor, can't you give her some? -**_

_**- I am afraid, no. You don't have any insurance. -**_

_**- But she needs them so badly. -**_

_**- Believe me, lad, even painkillers won't help her much. -**_

_**- You liar! -**_

_**- It's okay, Haru-chan. Let's go. He's right. -**_

_**- But... -**_

_**- This medicine was invented for other people, not for someone like me. -**_

_**- But... -**_

_**- Forget about it, Haru-chan. You can't change it. -**_

_**- But... -**_

_**- Let's go. -**_

Haruka had known that it wouldn't have changed Hikari's destiny, but it would have taken away a lot of pain from her and would have made the life that was left for her a little bit more comfortable.

"She won't get a new heart. Not with a 30 percent chance. People like us don't get new hearts."

People like us.

Michiru gulped and her hands held Haruka's arms a little bit tighter. She wanted so badly to take the tall girl in front of her in her arms. To tell her that she was as valuable a person as everyone else. She wanted to get to know more about her past. How she got Hotaru, how she came to live in that small flat and working for a gas station to wash the cars there. She wanted to be there for the little girl as for its mother. However, Haruka didn't look as if she would accept any comfort.

People like us.

The worst was that Haruka was right. Michiru knew that too well. If you had no money, if you had no name, if you had nothing you couldn't achieve anything in this world.

"Meioh Michiru's goddaughter stands automatically on top of the list," whispered Michiru silently and sobbed quietly. She hated this feeling to be only be able to achieve anything just because her parents were rich. Just because her parents were famous. Yet, if it was Hotaru's only chance, she would do anything, no matter the cost.

"The next free heart that fits to her body will be hers."

_Goddaughter._

_God..._

_...daughter._

_Daughter._

Haruka's eyes grew wide and she looked over to Hotaru who had stared to whimper in a very terrified way. She had never heard her mother scream and automatically it frightened her.

Daughter.

_**- Don't you think you should abort it? It would be a lot easier for you. Otherwise, how do you want to raise it? It's better you'll abort it. I'll make an appointment for you. -**_

_**- No. I want to keep it. -**_

_Daughter_.

_**- Did you ever think of an adoption? There are many people outside who want to have a little child so badly, but aren't able to get one. Rich people who could give your child everything it needs. What do you think about it? I could find some nice new parents for your child. -**_

_**- No. I want to keep it. -**_

Daughter.

_**- It's a big responsibility. To work and to take care for your child. We could give her in an orphanage as long as you could order your life, then you can have her back. What... -**_

_**- No! I want to keep her! -**_

_Daughter_.

"So, that's the real reason for you strange contract! You only want to take her away from me. Just like all those other stupid people wanted to steal her!" Haruka grabbed Michiru's shoulders and shook her violently. "You won't take her away, Meioh-san! She belongs to me! Maybe I am not the most perfect mother in this world, but I try my best to raise her!"

_**- Someone like you shouldn't get pregnant. -**_

_**- Abort it! -**_

_**- Someone like you should get sterile! -**_

_**- Adopt it! -**_

_**- Someone like you should get killed before you can reproduce! -**_

_**- Give her away! -**_

_**- You damn whore! -**_

_**- Bitch! -**_

"She belongs to me, can't you see that? I won't let you take her away! Get yourself an own child if you want to be a mother, but don't take my daughter!"

Michiru frowned and more tears streamed over her face.

What the hell...

"Let me go, Haruka! You are hurting me!" she cried and tried to free herself, but Haruka's rough touch was stronger than her defence. "Damn, Ruka! You are hurting me! Stop it!" Michiru shook her head as they both stumbled struggling over the carpet. Hotaru whimpered louder and louder and Orpheus growled warningly.

"Ruka!"

"Don't take her away! You aren't allowed to take her away from me!" stuttered Haruka just like a prayer. Again and again, caursing goose flesh of Michiru's skin. She gulped as the pain increased in her arms. She was sure that Haruka's fingers would leave bruises on her skin.

_Shimatta, what shall I do?_

_If Sissy were here!_

_You didn't know her, did you? Did you? You don't know anything about her. You don't even know whether she's Sailor Uranus or not. She's only a stranger to you. You don't know what she has done in her past. Maybe she's murdered someone? Maybe she's already beat someone down so that he needed a hospital? Maybe she's mad?_

_Her daughter is in life danger. I would be as crazy as she is if I were in her situation._

_But it hurts!_

_Don't let her hurt yourself!_

_Don't let her hurt herself!_

_Don't let her hurt Hime-chan._

_Because if she takes the little girl with her now, Hime-chan will die. That's for sure!_

"Ruka! Get normal again!" Michiru raised her hand and slapped the other one right into the face. Wondering how the other girl's cheeks could be so dry. Michiru couldn't hold back her tears and the pain in her heart seemed to tear her body apart. "Be reasonable! Listen and understand before you react! And stop hurting other people!"

Haruka felt the pain on her cheek. She blinked and looked in tear filled, deep blue eyes.

_**- Did he hurt you badly, Hika-chan? -**_

_**- It's okay, Haru-chan. Just gimme a day off this business and I'll be fine again. -**_

_**- I hate people who have to hurt weaker ones! They are cowards. -**_

_**- That's the way of the world, Haru-chan. You can't change it. -**_

_**- But I hate them. -**_

_**- Sure... -**_

_Hate_.

Haruka's eyes grew wide and automatically, she let Michiru go. She heard the whimpering of her daughter and gulped. Suddenly, she felt like a total jerk. Slowly, very slowly Michiru's words came to her mind. Slowly, very slowly she understood their meaning.

_30 percent._

_On top of the list._

Haruka gulped and glanced again at Michiru who stepped over to the cradle and crossed her arms before her chest. Now, she looked like a puma. Like a puma mother protecting her puma baby.

_The next heart will be hers._

_30 percent._

"Get reasonable, Ruka! Hime-chan is your daughter and I would never dare to take her away from you! No one wants to take her away from you. Dr. Sugara-san and I only want to help her, that's all!" Michiru rubbed her aching arms and sobbed quietly. "Don't take her away from our help, Ruka, because then she'll die for sure. If she won't get a new heart soon she won't survive until next year! Think of your daughter, Ruka, before you react! Please!"

Haruka gulped and felt suddenly very sick.

Without a new heart she'll die this year.

The whole world seemed to spin around and this house was suddenly too small for her. She couldn't breathe any longer, feared to suffocate.

_I would have never earned enough money for the operation in time._

_She would have died if I hadn't met Michiru._

_Even now the chance is tiny._

_30 percent..._

Haruka wanted to say something, but then she only turned around and left the room. Ran downstairs. Opened the front door and ran out in the rain. Not noticing that she was only wearing slippers. That her winter jacket still hang in the entrance hall. That she had no money with her and not even the keys of the house. Her head seemed to explode and her heart raced as she ran along the wet street. Towards Tokyo. Not thinking any longer. Only running. The way she had done when she had been younger. Running until she would break down. Trying to escape her problems this way. Now she was older. Now she knew that this was not the way to escape them, but still she didn't know how to handle this situation in a different way.

She only closed her burning eyes and speeded up. Fighting against the rough wind. Fighting against the cold wind. Fighting against her deep fears.

dbdbdb

For a long time Michiru stared at the opened door.

She'll return when she's calmed down.

Michiru gulped and pulled a still whimpering Hotaru in her arms. Carefully, she rocked the baby while she went downstairs to heat up her milk bottle. To sit down in the living room. To tell her a good night fairytale. And to wait for her mother to return.

It's surely just the shock. She won't leave her daughter alone. She loves her. Hell, I've seen so often how much she loves this little girl. Of course it's a big shock for her to know how hard the future will be. To know that she can lose her daughter.

Michiru gulped and some tears sparkled again in her blue eyes.

The same it was still a shock for Michiru. She loved this little girl, as well. She couldn't imagine her life any longer without Hime-chan. As she couldn't imagine it any longer without Haruka. Those weeks had been enough to change her entire mind.

_I love you, don't you know?_

Michiru smiled as Hotaru started slowly to drink.

At least you know my feelings, Hime-chan. At least you.

Michiru gulped and took carefully care of the little girl while she drank.

Haruka will return. Surely she'll return after the first shock.

The young violinist winced as the storm increased outside. As the rain crashed harder and harder against the windows. It was a typical autumn weather. Wet and cold. And very, very dark.

Soon, she'll be back.

Michiru didn't expect an excuse. She only wanted to talk to Haruka in peace. To tell her all the facts the doctor had told her. To promise her that she'll do everything in her might to save the little girl.

_Surely, she'll be back soon. Every moment the door bell will ring and she'll be there. Soaked wet and still a little bit angry, but she won't run away from her daughter._

_She won't, would she?_

_Would she?_

Michiru got more and more impatient as the hours passed. As the storm increased. As the rain got more dense. Shortly before four in the morning she brought Hotaru back to her cradle and took her cell phone. And dialled a number.

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**Author's corner:**

Thank you again for all your great reviews. I'm always happy to receive them, as I'm surprised to see how many readers took this story into their "favourite story" section or me into their "favourite author" section. Makes me proud - grin-.

Sorry to leave you with this cliffhanger, but it was the best moment to cut the chapter into parts (there's still a 24-page part of this chapter left for next week). Well, and I have to admit that I'm sometimes a little bit devilish (hides her little horns) and I don't want this story to become boring for you. However, don't worry, you'll read more next Monday.

I simply LOVE English, because the pun on_godmother_ wouldn't have been possible in any other language I speak/read/write.

Some people asked me about Michiru's strange taste, preferring her food with mustard. I wanted to emphasize her character that she's somewhat a little bit egocentric and if people only know her superficially, they'd might tend to believe that she's a spoiled brat. Only if you get to know Michiru closer, you'll notice that there's more to her than her little ticks (and don't we all have them?). Why mustard? Dunno. It simply came to my mind and it has a) a tolerable taste and b) a nice colour.

Next update:

Haruka gets to know more about Michiru. Another youma attacks. Haruka falls ill. And Setsuna is clearly not amused.


	8. Chapter 3: Taking care 3

She didn't know this district. It was obviously one of the better ones in Tokyo. However, she didn't care about it. She had run as long as her body could stand the strain. And a little bit longer. Now, she felt really sick. Her slippers were soaked and her pullover and her pants hang wet around her slim, shaking body. Blonde strands hang into her burning eyes. Her face was wet, as well, but she knew that it was because of the rain. She didn't cry. She knew that it never changed things. The last time she had cried had been on Hikari's day of death. Her tears hadn't brought her back to her. Therefore, she had stopped crying. It simply didn't change things, only showed how weak she was indeed. A weak girl. Someone she had never wanted to be.

Her breath formed little clouds in front of her mouth. Her head ached and she felt dizzy. She had forgotten to take her medicine.

_I should go back._

Haruka raised her head and all the bright lights irritated her: the lights of the publicity posters. Of the restaurants. Of the shops. Of the cinema. Of the cars. Of the lamp lights. Of the big city she had experienced from its darkest side during the past years.

_I really should go back._

She squinted and the dizziness seemed to overtake her. She had pushed her body to its limits and now she had to face the consequences. Her mouth was dry and her whole body trembled. She froze like hell and her fingers were already numb. She coughed and wrapped her arms around her freezing body, wincing as the wet cloth touched her skin.

_But how shall I get back?_

_Is it right to go back? Maybe I am not welcomed any longer?_

_You would have deserved it! You hurt her!_

Haruka sighed deeply and felt again her still burning cheek.

_She had to defence herself. You've been like an animal._

Haruka shook her head and stumbled as someone walked by and pushed her by mistake. She slipped on her wet slippers and almost fell on the ground.

_Fuck!_

She had never wanted to get into a situation like this again. Wasn't it how it all had began only two years ago? Did she want to make the same mistake again?

_No..._

Haruka gulped and went over to the entrance of a shop that was already closed. It sold newspapers. No one wanted to buy a newspaper at a time like this.

Somewhere a clock rang, telling Haruka that it was already three o'clock in the morning. She shouldn't be here. She should be at the Meioh's house, listening carefully to Michiru's words. Trying to gain what little hope was still left for them. 30 percent was a tiny chance, but it was bigger than the chance Hikari had had.

_Michi..._

Haruka sat down on the lowest step and leaned herself against the cold wall.

_I've screamed at her._

_I've hurt her._

And all she did was trying to help Hime-chan. To save her. She went with her to the doctor. She talked to the doctor about the results. She took care that Hime-chan's on that list.

Haruka closed her burning eyes and coughed, shivering.

_Fuck, can't I do anything right? Does I always have to chose the wrong way?_

She brought her legs to her chest, wrapped her arms around them and sighed deeply. She felt incredibly dizzy. Probably, it was better for her if she just kept sitting there for a little while until she felt better. She had to walk back. All the way. All those miles. She couldn't call herself a taxi. She had no money with her. And she didn't dare to ask Michiru to pay it.

_Will she be angry?_

_But she didn't tell me about the results! She didn't tell me that she had known Hime-chan's results for over three fucking days!_

_What would you have done in her situation?_

_Hm?_

_**- I don't need to see the doctor's results. -**_

_**- But I want you to visit a doctor! You are ill, Hika-chan. -**_

_**- I know that I am ill, but they can't help me. Understand that, Haru-chan! -**_

_**- If you give up so easily... -**_

_**- Hell, Haru-chan, I know that my chances are zero percent! I won't grow old! -**_

_**- That doesn't mean that you should throw away your youth like that! -**_

_**- I wish I had your optimism, Haru-chan. -**_

Now it was Michiru who had so much optimism, who would do anything just to make Hotaru survive the operation. She believed that 30 percent were a real chance while Haruka didn't dare to raise her hopes too high. They had been destroyed so often before.

Ruka.

Haruka gulped and wrapped her arms tighter around her bony legs. Rain ran through her hair and over her neck, let her shiver even. It was the first time that someone had called her differently from Haruka or Tenô-san. Or bitch, whore, beggar. It was a nickname. Haruka couldn't remember the last time she had had a nickname. Such a nice nickname.

Ruka...

Haruka buried her face on her knees and tried to ignore the bitter cold raising in her bones. She hadn't experienced such a bitter cold since that day Hikari had died. The day she had received Hotaru. That day when they had found and saved her.

I wish she would mean it. I wish she would mean all those things she does. I wish she would do them just because of me or at least just because of Hime-chan, not because of our bloody contract. I wish I would belong there. I wish I could call that house my home. I wish so badly to call those people my family...

Haruka pressed her eyelids harder together until she saw stars sparkling behind her lids.

Stop dreaming! You are here because of that bloody contract. You aren't here to give any advice. You aren't here, because they want you to be here. You aren't here to dream, but to fight against those youmas!

Haruka gulped and coughed again.

Someone like me doesn't deserve a family...

"Haruka?"

The voice came from far away. She didn't know if she had fallen asleep. It was still raining, the noises of the cars didn't change, but her body was almost stiff from the bitter cold.

"Haruka? Is that you?"

Slowly, she raised her head and looked into startled, wide eyes. The rain stopped as an umbrella was held over her head.

"Haruka? What are you doing here?"

The tall blonde needed some moments to recognize the person standing in front of her. The hood of a thick jacket covered almost all of the fire red hair and the girl didn't wear a mini skirt right now, but thick, warm looking pants.

"I..." Haruka coughed. Her mouth was very dry and her throat ached.

"My, you look like a fever, you know that?" Elza took her cell phone and wanted to dial a number, but Haruka tried to get it and shook her head.

"Don't call Michiru," she whispered and had to cough again. She didn't want to shiver, but her body seemed to shook all by itself. "I can't go back like that."

Elza frowned, but put the phone finally again into her handbag. At least it was screaming pink. Grey Elza wasn't Grey Elza when not at least one of her accessories could be seen from the Mars, in darkness.

"You had a fight?" asked the red haired girl and frowned even more. She had known Michiru all those years, she knew that she would have never let Haruka leave the house like that: only in pants and a thin pullover. In slippers! The girl was soaked to the bones.

"Kinda," whispered Haruka and coughed again. Elza sighed slightly, then she stripped her jacket and hang it around Haruka's shoulders.

"Let's call a taxi and get you dry again, okay?" she said determinedly, leaving no doubt that she wouldn't accept any protests. "I'll make you a hot cacao and then you'll tell me what happened, okay?"

Haruka only crept deeper in the warm jacket and stared at her wet slippers. She didn't respond anything, but Elza hadn't expected an answer, anyway.

dbdbdb

Elza's rooms were the way Haruka had expected them: a total mess. Michiru's room was well tidied up in comparison. Nonetheless, the tall blonde liked the way she had to take care not to stumble over old clothes, school books or video tapes as she crossed the sleeping room.

"Maybe the pants are a little bit too short, but they should fit." Elza produced a tracking suit out of her wardrobe's depths. "I'll take care of our cacao, okay?" The red haired girl put the clothes and a big towel on her messed bed and jumped out of her room. She didn't want to wake her nursemaid up, but she was sure that they still had some milk in the big fridge.

Haruka hesitated, but finally changed. The clothes were really a little bit too short, but they were warm. That was all what counted. The tall girl went over to the second room while she tried to rub her hair dry with the towel. In contrast to the Elza's obviously normal chaos, this room was tidied up. Only some papers were lying on the ground, but they were rather unimportant in comparison to the bedroom. In the middle stood a black piano. It looked like the piano Michiru had.

What a beautiful instrument.

Haruka's hands touched the dark wood, before she could forbid her body to move.

Just like daddy's piano.

The tall blonde sighed as she opened the wing. The strings were in perfect condition, just like the keyboard. Automatically, she said down and before she knew she was doing she had touched the keys. A soft melody evolved from her mind. From her memory. A sad melody. Just the way she had felt when she had invented it. All that were missing was a good lyric, but she couldn't think of one.

Just like the old days.

Haruka moved her fingers and glanced over to the wall covered with a picture of a famous Japanese piano player. The tall blonde needed some moments to recognize Elza's father. It surely was her father, because he had the same fire red hair and the same grin on his face. He looked very young.

He died very young...

_I wish I had been as young as Elza. Maybe I wouldn't have been so sad after their death. Maybe I wouldn't have run away from the orphanage. Maybe I would have found nice adoptive parents. Maybe..._

_Are you really so sure?_

_Do you really want to miss all those happy days you've experienced with your parents?_

_Really?_

_Really?_

_Really?_

Haruka sighed deeply and winced hard as she heard the applause. The music died away as she turned around to face Elza. She held two steaming pots in her hands and smiled in surprise.

"That was excellent, Haruka. Didn't know that you are able to play the piano."

"There's a lot you don't know about me," answered Haruka silently and closed the wing again, very carefully and very skilfully.

"That's my father's piano. Sissy's father and he had the same. Now, Michi plays her daddy's one and my father's one stands here. I've tried to learn it, too, but I guess I am not good enough. I am better at sports," grinned Elza and handled Haruka one of the pots. The cacao smelled delicious and was still very hot.

"Michi changed after some years to the violin. She only uses the piano to compose songs or so, but she simply likes her violin better. And she plays it very well." Elza shrugged her shoulders, threw some clothes from her bed and sat on the messed up blanket. She clapped next to her on the soft underground and Haruka finally sat down next to her. For a long time they sat there and drank their cacao in silence.

"So, now tell me, what happened? I know that Michi can be very impatient and not very nice when she's in a hurry between two rehearsals or three concerts, but normally she doesn't let her friends out of the house like this." Elza pointed at the slippers she had thrown determinedly into the dustbin.

"Are you sure that I'm a friend?" was all Haruka responded, only staring into her pot. Elza waited for some moments, but as the taller girl kept silent, she had to see that this conversation wouldn't be easy. You only had to provoke Michiru and she would tell you everything. Or you simply had to be patient with Setsuna and really listen to her, then she would trust you, as well. Haruka, on the other hand, didn't look as if anyone could provoke her, and patience wouldn't help, either. Elza sensed that Haruka didn't trust anyone. Not even them. Not even after the past weeks. Maybe she would never really trust anyone.

"Why not? You like my mashed potatoes. You don't run away when Setsuna starts to talk about her computers for hours. You really try to listen. And you like Michiru's music. You've never complained when she's practised all evening," tried Elza to joke, but Haruka didn't even smile. Seriously, she kept staring into her cacao, slightly rocking the pot.

I can't tell her about the contract. I can't tell her about this senshi stuff. She wouldn't understand what I don't understand myself.

"So why did you have a fight? Why do you think that we aren't friends?" Elza frowned and put her cacao away. "I am a friend of yours, didn't you notice?"

_A friend..._

_She doesn't mean it. She's rich and popular. She always thinks that everyone is a friend and that she has to be a friend of everyone else in return._

Although it sounded tempting.

_Michi said that I am her best friend._

_Maybe it's just a phrase?_

"Hey, don't play dumb! I'll bug you so long until you'll tell me what happened!" Elza's voice was amused, but Haruka didn't doubt that this girl would really dance on her nerves until she gave up.

_Shimatta! Tell her some facts! It can't destroy what's already destroyed!_

"Did Michi ever tell you why I moved in their house some weeks ago?"

"No." Elza was about to protest that this had been very untypical of Sissy and Michi and that she felt a little bit angry about that fact, but then she decided to keep silent. She wanted to hear Haruka's version when she would never get to hear the sisters' one.

"Michiru was threatened by some mean guys. They wanted to rob her. I was there and saved her." Still, Haruka stared in her cacao. "I didn't think much about it. I simply walked away, but she searched for me to thank me. Over half a year later she found me. Me and my daughter. I just lost my job." Haruka sighed deeply, but Elza didn't interrupt her. That story sounded just the way Michiru was. If she felt thankful she would really search the entire world to find that person and to thank her. "Hime-chan is very ill. Maybe you've seen it, maybe not. Her heart is very weak. Michiru decided to pay for the operation. I had no money and I just lost my job. I am eighteen, single and a mother, Elza. I can't pay any insurance nor the operation. Michiru said that she would take care of my daughter, because she was thankful that I've saved her. She said that those guys could have killed her and that Hime-chan deserves a second chance."

A second chance.

Elza nodded and a sad expression appeared on her face.

A second chance.

That sounded just like her Michi.

"We've been to the doctor last week to talk about the operation. They did some checkups and Michiru got the results on Tuesday." Haruka took a deep breath and held the pot tighter in her hands. "The results are worse than I have ever expected. There's still a chance for Hime-chan, but it's tiny, Elza." Haruka sighed slightly. "Michiru wanted to talk to the doctor first, then to me. But she didn't put away the letters and I found them today. I... I kinda freaked out, Elza. I called her a liar and I... I even hurt her. Hell, I almost beat her."

Haruka gulped and slowly raised her head, but Elza's face wasn't full of anger or hate. It was a little bit pale, but full of understanding.

"My last friend died over a year ago, Elza. Since then no one has really cared for me. I simply don't know why Michiru does all this stuff. Okay, once I've saved her, but now she gives my daughter the chance to live. I am so deep in her debt, I can never pay that back, Elza. And I don't know what I should think. I am a total stranger, not a member of the family, not even a friend. I..." Haruka lowered her head again and stared into the brown waves. "I don't want her sympathy. I don't want any charity. Good, I'll have to take it, because it's my daughter... last chance... but it... it hurts. Just to help a beggar like me just to feel better..."

Elza crept a little bit nearer on the soft mattress and laid her right hand on Haruka's left shoulder.

"It's no sympathy, Haruka. And no charity, be sure. At first, I didn't know you. I only accepted you, because you suddenly belonged to Michi and Sissy and I belong to those crazy sisters. Somehow." Elza grinned, but Haruka didn't look up. "But I really like you now. You are a fantastic mother for Hime-chan and you take care of Michiru. The way you beat down Tamara, I wish I could have been there to see her face. I like you, because you are a friend. I don't know anything about you, but that isn't important, is it? The same holds for Sissy. She simply loves Hime-chan and you've never been mean to her or betrayed her."

Elza took a deep breath and leaned against the wall. Thoughtfully, she looked up at her lamp on the ceiling.

"Michiru simply had to help you. I guess now she really does it because of friendship. She hardly has any friends, she simply doesn't trust anyone except of Sissy and me. But she took you to her concert and let you listen to her music. That's a big proof of her friendship, Haruka, Maybe it doesn't look this way, but it is." Elza squeezed the slightly shaking shoulder friendly.

"Michiru didn't help you just because of charity. She helped you because of her own past. She is convinced that everyone deserves a second chance. Just the way she got a second chance." Quickly, Elza looked in asking dark green eyes before she concentrated again on the lamp. "Michiru's parents didn't want her when she had been a baby. They abandoned her one night on the steps of an orphanage. In the middle of December. She almost froze to death. She grew up in different forster families, but none of them really wanted her. The last one had been the worst. Michiru's never talked about them, but they beat her. I simply think that they beat her, because she ran away from them. Michiru is very reasonable. She would never run away, because she knows that she would never survive on the streets. But she ran away and got ill. Very ill. She wanted to warm herself up in the waiting hall of the airport and there she met Setsuna's parents. They had just come back from a big tour through Europe with their little daughter Setsuna. Michiru didn't see them and crashed right into them and fainted. Sissy's father called the ambulance and later on the police. The forster parents never saw Michi again, but Sissy's parents saw her almost every day. They simply visited her in the hospital, together with Sissy. And after two months when Michi was healthy again and was allowed to leave the hospital, Sissy's parents simply took her home. They simply loved the girl with the big blue eyes and the skilfull hands. Sissy's mother never had another child and Sissy was crazy after her new little sister. Just two months later they adopted Michi and Michi thanked them with all the love a little girl could give." Elza gulped. "That's now eight years ago, Haruka. Since then she believes in a second chance. When Sissy wanted to have a dog, they went to an animal asylum and took a whimpering puppy and named him Orpheus. Maybe you didn't notice, but he's blind on his right eye. No one else wanted to have that poor, half blind dog. Now, he's happy and the most loyal dog you can imagine."

Elza looked back into Haruka's pale face, saw all the questions there. Questions she knew Haruka would ask Michiru, not she.

"I guess Michi sees herself in you, Haruka. Whatever you've done in your past, Haruka, it's not important for her. You and your little daughter deserve a second chance. She doesn't only give you money for the operation, she also gives you friendship. You only have to take it."

_She ran away?_

_She lived on the street?_

_Just like me?_

Haruka put her mug away and wrapped her freezing arms around her body.

_She has seen all this hell, too?_

_Maybe she understands me..._

"And I am sure she understood your reaction today. Hime-chan is ill..." Elza clenched her fists as tears sparkled in her eyes. "I didn't realize that. What is it exactly what she has?"

"Her heart is too weak for her body."

"Shimatta."

"She needs a new one," whispered Haruka and closed her burning eyes. Suddenly, she froze although she felt quite hot. Her temples ached and her head seemed to explode.

"Dammed! How big are her chances?"

"30 percent." Haruka gulped. To say it out loud was like accepting, like understanding it. Although she would never understand it. Like making it real

"She'll make it!" sobbed Elza and Haruka opened her eyes in surprise. "Don't look so stupid. I love that little girl, too. Everyone in this crazy family loves her! Just wait until mommy will see her. She'll be crazy! She always begs Sissy to have a child to make her a granny." Elza giggled under her tears. "Don't worry, your daughter gets every support that's in our might. We all want to see her growing up."

For a short moment there was silence. Then the telephone started to ring.

"Just wait a sec!" Elza wiped away the tears from her face and jumped out of the bed. Haruka stared for a long time at the still opened door, heard Elza's voice somewhere on the corridor. She thought of all those words she had just heard, but she knew that she would need another long time to understand them. Really understand them. Her head ached even more and even in those warms clothes she froze like hell. Slowly, her thoughts started again to spin around.

"Arigato."

It was only a silent whisper and Elza surely hadn't heard it, but one day she would. They all would. When Haruka would be strong enough to trust someone. To belong to someone without any doubts. To love someone without any consequences.

dbdbdb

"Can you stay for the night, Elza? I've got a rehearsal in three hours and someone has to take care of Hime-chan," asked Michiru as she opened the front door to the big house. She had fetched up Haruka and Elza after she had almost called the police and the FBI. In the last second she had decided to call Elza up first and was endlessly relieved to hear that Haruka was with her.

"I wish Sissy would ask me that," smirked the red haired girl and nodded. "No problem, Michi. My training doesn't start before four in the afternoon."

"I hope that I'll be back right in time."

"Oh, I am good enough, our trainer won't kill me." Elza grinned, but her look got serious again as Haruka bowed to slip out of her shoes and almost doubled over. She really didn't look good. Okay, Elza gave her new, warm clothes, but she didn't know how long the tall blonde had sat on the steps of the shop. In the rain. With wet clothes on. With soaked slippers. Her eyes sparkled feverishly and she moved slowly as if she was dizzy or in pain. Quickly, Michiru and Elza exchanged glances. Michiru only nodded.

"I'll take a long shower now and go to bed then. If you need me, I'll be in Sissy's room."

"I don't think that she'll like that, Elza."

"She's not here, so she can't complain." Elza grinned and shrugged her shoulders. Then, she went over to a slightly reeling Haruka. Her hair was still a little bit damp. "You should take some rest. Don't worry, just sleep as long as you want, I'll take care of Hime-chan tomorrow morning, okay?"

Haruka only nodded. It looked as if she wanted to say something else, but Elza had already disappeared in Setsuna's room.

Michiru watched her with a deep frown on her forehead, then she concentrated again on the shivering person next to her.

"Come, I'll take you to bed," she said and took Haruka's right arm. "You don't look very healthy to me," she sighed deeply as the other girl didn't react. "Maybe you should get a warm jacket and sport shoes before you go jogging in the middle of the night."

Again no answer.

"And some coins to call me up that I can fetch you up, okay?"

"How is Hime-chan doing?" was the silent question of Haruka. She reeled slightly and seemed to need ages to go upstairs.

"Fine. I've fed her and changed her nappies after you left. She sleeps now."

_Is she really so tired?_

Michiru looked up, but it was too dark in the house to see the blonde's face.

_Or did she catch herself a cold?_

The young violinist held Haruka back when they reached the door to Haruka's room and touched her forehead with her right hand. The tall blonde seemed to glow so hot was her skin.

"You have a fever!" said Michiru, terrified.

And that's all my fault! I should have known that she would react this way! I should have held her back or at least took her back in my car! She had no jacket, only her slippers. She was out there for at least three hours in this cold, dense rain!

"Can't be," whispered Haruka and freed herself out of Michiru's sudden embrace. She opened the door and stumbled in her room. For some seconds she stood next to the cradle and watched her daughter sleep. "I haven't been ill during the past two years and I've frozen a lot in cold rain."

_Otherwise I would have died._

_Just like Hikari..._

Slowly, she started to strip Elza's training suit. She didn't notice that Michiru had disappeared and returned after some minutes. Haruka had finished her silent fight with her pyjamas and went slowly over to her bed. She only wanted to lay down and sleep. She wanted this headache to end. She wanted this dizziness to end. And she wanted to get a little bit warmer again. Slowly, she crept under her blanket and winced as Michiru sat suddenly next to her on the mattress.

"Take this. I know it doesn't taste, but it's the medicine I've always taken when catching a cold."

Haruka saw the little bottle sparkling in the dimmed light of the room. She felt a soft arm helping her to sit up and without any defence she simply gulped the bitter fluid. She didn't even feel ashamed. She was simply tired; sleep was all she wanted right now. There was no place anymore in her head for any other thoughts than the wish of sleeping. Later on she would think about all the things Elza had told her about Michiru. The same she would talk to Michiru about Hime-chan's operation later.

"Don't worry, everything will be fine." Michiru watched how the blonde closed her eyes and was asleep the next moment. Carefully, she covered the tall girl with her soft blanket. Shortly, she hesitated, then she stroked carefully through messed strands. "I'll take care of Hime-chan. She'll live."

It sounded like a promise.

Michiru had never broken a single promise in her entire life.

dbdbdb

Rough wind let her shake. Tiredly, she opened her eyes and stiffed. This wasn't her room any longer. This wasn't even the house any longer where she had spent the past weeks.

Haruka frowned and her aching head seemed to explode.

_Nani?_

Sleepily, she looked around and wrapped her arms freezing around her body. Still, she wore her pyjamas, but there was no trace of her bed. There was no trace of anyone at all. She stood in a little park. Barefoot. The ground felt like ice. Some rain drops fell on her and she blinked in confusion.

_How did I come here?_

She raised her head and watched for some moments the trees around her. Coloured leaves were twirled around by the icy wind. It looked almost peaceful. Almost.

Suddenly, a scream broke the silence.

_Nani?_

Haruka jerked around and saw a shadow running through the little alleys of the park where normally couples walked on the weekend. Young couples, couples with or without children, old couples. This person was alone, and Haruka sensed that this wasn't very good.

"Deep submerge!"

Haruka knew this phrase from somewhere. As she knew the voice.

_Nani?_

A girl jumped over to the tall blonde, but she didn't seem to see her. She wore that strange school uniform and her sea green hair moved with the quick motion. One hand held a golden staff tight, the other one was injured. The white glove was red and Haruka could see the pain in deep blue eyes.

_Michi?_

Haruka gulped as she saw the monster, or youma, as they called it, stepping out of the tree's shadows. This time it looked more like a car. A broken car. Slightly, Haruka remembered a horror book she had once read. About a car that got a soul and tried to kill his owner's friends. However, the thought was gone as a white light flashed through the air and Michiru screamed in pain.

"Michiru! Watch out!" Haruka stepped protectively before the smaller girl, but the next lightening simply went through her body. As if she was invisible. As if she wasn't there.

_What the hell is wrong?_

She heard how Michiru gasped for breath. Quickly, she turned around to help her, but all she could do was to watch helplessly how the young violinist went on her knees, holding her still injured hand tight. A tortured expression was plainly on her pale face.

_I've told her not to do all those bloody rehearsals. I've told her to stay home and to cure her arm!_

_Fuck!_

The monster came nearer, but the smaller girl didn't look up again. She stared at the staff that laid now in front of her in the dirt.

"Michiru! Stand up! Run!" Haruka looked from the dangerous growling monster to her friend and back. "Get up and run away!" Suddenly, the tall blonde knew that this monster was too strong for the smaller girl. Not only because Michiru was injured, but because this monster was different from the last one. It could only be defeated by a team.

"Shimatta! Michiru! It's going to hurt you!" shouted Haruka and tried to attack the monster, but she went right through it, as if it wasn't there. Or as if she wasn't there.

_Shimatta!_

_What's going on?_

_What kind of a weird dream is that?_

Yet somehow she knew that this wasn't a dream. It all felt so real: the wind, the rain, the cold ground. Michiru's sobbing sounded also very real. Just like the monster's not definable words.

At that moment the monster reached Michiru. It raised its arm. Michiru raised her head and stared at it with tear filled eyes. Haruka could see the resignation in them. Just like the fear. A fear that seemed to paralyse the smaller girl.

"No!" screamed the blonde and started to run. She would be able to protect her. She would be able to defeat the monster. She would be able to rescue the both of them. She didn't know how, but that didn't bother her right now. She only wanted this fight to end.

The arm which looked more like a broken car door, came down and Michiru started to scream.

"No! Michi!"

Haruka opened her eyes, still screaming Michiru's name. For some moments she stared confused at the picture on the wall. It showed the top of mount Fuji. An eagle was flying above.

_Nani?_

Haruka gulped and looked quickly around. The park was gone, so was the monster. So was Michiru...

_Nani?_

The blonde lowered her still stretched out arms and shook her head.

_What a fucking nightmare!_

She covered her face with her hands and took some deep breaths. Often, she had suffered from the most terrible nightmares. About the destruction of the world. About her daughter's operation. About her past. However, none of those dreams had been that real. That damn real.

For some moments Haruka sat in her bed. Enjoying the darkness behind her eye lashes. Listening to the rain drops falling against the window pane. Feeling the sweat running down her back. She knew that she needed a shower, but she couldn't move. Not yet. First, she had to calm down herself. Alone. As always. There had been a time when Hikari had been there to help her. When she had been there for Hikari in return.

Hikari was dead now.

Haruka wrapped her arms around her body and felt suddenly very cold. Now no one would comfort her. She would never feel the comforting embrace of someone who really liked her. Who loved her.

Embrace...

Again she felt Michiru's soft arms around her waist, felt the soft fingers caressing her belly and the ugly scar.

_**- You are not here to give any advice! -**_

Again she saw the anger and the fear in deep blue eyes as she had shouted at her the last evening. As she had hurt her. As she simply hadn't listened.

Michi...

Haruka sighed deeply and forced herself to move. She had to talk to the young violinist today. About Hotaru's operation. About what the doctor had said. And about the talismans. Haruka wanted to know more about the youmas and the strange fight they had won. How she should transform and why. How this strange staff could help her to defeat such a demon. A single staff that wasn't nearly as sharp as her dagger.

There's so much I want to tell her.

Haruka finally rose, the blanket still having wrapped around her shoulders. Slowly, she went over to the bathroom to take a nice shower. Hotaru wasn't in her cradle any longer, but Haruka didn't worry. Certainly, Michiru had already taken her to feed her.

Haruka groaned as the headache increased again and looked down as something hit her right foot – and stared for a long time at the golden staff Michiru had tried to give her every time they were in danger. To shout at her that she should transform. That she should fight, as well. That she should become a senshi, as well.

_Nani?_

Haruka bowed towards it and frowned. Michiru had those staffs always with her. In her handbag or in her back bag. Or in her school bag. Wherever she walked, those staffs were always with her. Both of them. Haruka was sure that Michiru would never forget one of them.

Strange...

Haruka stretched her hand towards the staff and winced hard as her fingers touched the cold metal. For a brief moment she heard a high scream. Wildly, she jerked around and for the split of a second she was again in the park. Michiru was there, as well. And she was again fighting against the youma - again without any chance to win.

_Shimatta!_

However, before Haruka could react, the vision was gone and she stood again in her room. Looking out of the window, seeing the rain falling down. Hearing the wind howling over the beach.

_Shimatta!_

Without thinking Haruka turned around and stumbled out of the door. Not caring that the dizziness increased inside her mind. Her mouth was dry and she felt sick. As sick as she hadn't felt during the past two years. Not even in the coldest winter night she had caught a cold. And now three hours in the autumn's rain seemed to have been enough for her body.

However, right now she didn't think about all those cruel moments any longer. Her thoughts were focused on one person: Michiru.

She almost fell down the stairs, but she could hold her balance. Hotaru was in the living room as she had expected. Elza sat on the couch and watched an anime. The little girl laid in her arms and slept deep and tight. As Haruka entered the room with a loud crash, Elza raised her head and looked questioningly at the tall blonde.

"Where's Michi?" asked Haruka, still holding the staff in her hands. Suddenly, it seemed to glow, but she didn't let it go. Instead, she even held it tighter.

"She has a rehearsal in the opera." Elza glanced at the clock and sighed deeply. "Well, she wanted to be home two hours ago, but I am sure it'll take some more hours. Her conductor never gets finished."

"She isn't home?"

Elza frowned as Haruka got even paler. There was an expression in her dark green eyes that made her shiver.

"Hai... is something wrong, Haruka?" Carefully, she rocked sleeping Hotaru in her arms as she rose from the couch. To go over to the blonde who cursed silently. "Everything alright, Haruka? How do you feel? You've had a fever the last night."

Haruka didn't listen to her any longer. It was crazy. It was completely crazy, but Michiru was in danger. Haruka didn't know why she knew it, but the feeling was so incredibly strong, she couldn't deny it. The vision was true. Michiru wasn't at home, she was at the opera. There was a similar park near the opera, as well. Right at this moment she was fighting a youma she couldn't defeat.

_And if I am wrong?_

Haruka hesitated for a moment and stared at the warm metal in her hand.

_**- That's Tenô Haruka, my best friend. -**_

_**- Stop it, Ruka! You hurt me! -**_

_**- Everything will be fine. -**_

Does it matter if I am wrong? Then I'll made a clown of myself. As so often. But what if I am right...

Haruka gulped and swirled around. Quickly, she crossed the entrance hall and grabbed some keys hanging near the door. She didn't notice that she still wore her pyjamas. She only pulled a jacket over her freezing body and left the house so quickly that Elza couldn't react.

"Take care of Hime-chan. I'll be back soon!" shouted Haruka and entered the garage in high speed. It didn't matter if she'd make another mistake, one of so many. It didn't matter to her if the police would pull her over and find out that she drove a car illegally. Nothing else did matter to her but Michiru. This feeling was so extremly strong... she couldn't ignore it. Not after all the stuff she had seen during the past years.

The memory of a bleeding Hikari, lying on the cold ground, coughing to death, crashed down at her as she grabbed for the seatbelt and started the engine. She put it far away and concentrated on the steering wheel. Since a long time she hadn't driven a car. Hikari had told her how to steal a car and how to use it over a year ago. She didn't really know how to drive safely, but the feeling was stronger than every doubt. Than every concern.

I won't let this happen again.

Haruka gulped as she speeded up. She had known how bad Hikari had felt during the last weeks of her young life. She had felt how the other one froze like hell. She had sensed that a visit at the doctor had been very important. Yet, she hadn't heard of her inner voice and let it happen. Let them take her away from her. Let her simply die...

I won't lose another friend because of my stupidity.

dbdbdb

I have to handle this alone.

Michiru raised her henshin determinedly, ignoring the pain in her hand. The handkerchief was red and she hardly felt her fingers any more. The rain and the wind seemed to blind her, but she heard the youma too well. Heard its low growls, felt the pain flashing through her body whenever the bright light hit her. When she hadn't been fast enough. When her own weapon hadn't been strong enough.

"Deep submerge!" she screamed and threw the henshin to the ground. She stumbled and went on her knees. The blue planet evolving from the golden staff could hardly do any harm. Michiru was too exhausted and she knew it. She hadn't slept well during the past nights and her damaged hand hurt more and more. The youma seemed to laugh as the water planet hit it. Then, it continued to attack her. Michiru simply sat there. On the icy ground. Trying to get away, but her body simply refused.

_I have to get through this alone!_

Her sister was far away to show the firm she worked for her new programme. Haruka surely laid in her bed and slept deep and tight. She had had a fever last night and Michiru didn't want her to become ill. She simply had no time to care of an ill Haruka. It was already enough to take care of an ill Hotaru.

Hime-chan...

Michiru sighed deeply and screamed tortured as another lightening hit her.

Ruka...

The youma came nearer and it looked really dangerous. It was different from the youmas they had fought the past months. This one was stronger – and more dangerous. The other monsters could hurt them. Injure them. This one, Michiru realized, could kill her.

_No, I mustn't give up. They both need me!_

Slowly, Michiru came to her feet. By now, they were covered with bruises. Her hands shook and her view became blurred.

_I mustn't give up!_

_I've never given up!_

_I am strong! No one can defeat me! I can handle this all alone! I need no one else!_

She raised the henshin again.

"Deep submerge!"

She had believed in those words eight years ago, and sometimes it happened that she took them for real again. In situations like this. No, she'd never given up. Not when he had beat her. Not when she had run away. Not when she had gotten so ill and stumbled into Setsuna's parents on the dark corridor.

She would never give up. Not now. Never!

"DEEP SUBMERGE!" she screamed it with her last power and watched the planet crashing towards the youma. Yet, it couldn't destroy it. It hardly harmed it.

Damn...

Michiru saw the monster raising its arm: a big, dangerous looking arm. An arm with sharp corners and a lot of broken glass. It used to be a car's door and it could kill her with only one stroke.

No...

Michiru couldn't scream. She couldn't react. She only stared at the arm, not able to stand up. To run away. To get the other two to defeat it. Later. Not today. Not now, because that was impossible.

"Watch out!"

She heard the scream. She felt two arms grabbing her. She felt herself being pulled away from the deathly arm. Michiru blinked, turned her head and glanced in concerned green eyes. However, she still couldn't react.

_Nani?_

Michiru gulped and winced as her back touched the icy earth. A warm body half covered her. She needed some moments to recognize the person.

_Ruka?_

_What is she doing here? Why does she know that I fight?_

"Are you okay, Michi?" gasped Haruka and bit on her lower lip as a lightening hit her instead of the senshi of the water. Automatically, she held Michiru a little bit tighter. Her blonde hair was damp and hang into her forehead, covered her face in shadows, but Michiru knew that it hurt a lot. She had felt the pain, as well, only some seconds ago. Before the tall blonde had appeared. Before she had brought her out of the danger. Before she had protected her.

Protect me...

Michiru gulped as she felt Haruka wincing hard. She didn't scream nor did she make any other sound that would have betrayed the great pain she was in.

"Ruka..." whispered Michiru and raised her head. And saw that the youma was again a little bit nearer. Only a few more steps and it would have reached them. Then, it would be able to hurt them. No, not only to hurt, but also to kill them.

It will kill her first.

Michiru felt another lightening hitting the tall girl and saw Haruka closing her eyes for some seconds to bear the pain.

"Ruka! Leave me! It only wants me, not you! I can handle this alone!" shouted the senshi of the ocean.

_**- Leave me alone, Haru-chan. I can handle this alone. -**_

_**- You can't be serious! You have a fever, Hika-chan! -**_

_**- It's not the first time that I have a fever. -**_

_**- That's even worse! Why didn't you tell me that you feel so sick? -**_

_**- Can you change it? -**_

_**- No, but I can be there for you! -**_

_**- You can't, Haru-chan. You can't. -**_

_**- I can, you'll see. -**_

Haruka pressed Michiru against herself, tried to cover her with her own body so that the youma couldn't hit her any longer. Again, she saw Haruka sitting on the staircase of an old, abandoned house. It had rained, just like it did today. Hikari had had a high fever and she had coughed all night. Haruka had tried to warm her. She had ignored the older girl's protests as she simply embraced her and held her warmingly tight. Almost all night until the girl broke down choking and fainted. She never woke up again. Haruka couldn't hold her promise. She couldn't be there for her.

Haruka bit her lower lip as the pain increased.

No, this time she wouldn't go. Maybe it was only a silly contract that did bind her to the rich girl in her arms, she wouldn't go. She didn't want anything cruel happening to Michiru. Haruka had lost so many friends during the past years, she had seen so many people die, it was enough.

_**- You aren't here to give advice. -**_

But she was here to protect this girl. Whatever the future might hold, Michiru had tried to give her a second chance. She would pay Hime-chan's operation and even after their argument the evening before she had cared for her. She had given her medicine and hadn't looked very angry.

_**- Everything will be fine. -**_

_**- Ruka... -**_

"Forget it!" Haruka's voice was hoarse. "You won't be able to defeat it. And I can't transform."

"But..."

At that moment the youma did its last attack. The broken glass sparkled in the lamp lights around them and the rain drops looked like diamonds. Deadly diamonds.

_She'll die!_

"No! Ruka!" screamed Michiru loudly and tried to kick the taller girl away who laid over her like a shield. "No..."

Later on she couldn't tell what exactly happened next. How it happened. Suddenly, the wind seemed to become stronger. The rain was washed away. Sharp wind ripped on their clothes and their hair. The world seemed to end in a big explosion. All that existed was a golden light that grew bigger and bigger. Michiru closed her burning eyes and tried to grab Haruka's arm as the taller girl suddenly rose.

_Where is she going?_

_She can't defend that damn youma all alone!_

_She'll get hurt!_

_Maybe she'll be killed!_

"Ruka!" Michiru searched for her henshin, but had to let it fall again. It was so hot that she almost burned her fingers. "Ruka!" She opened her eyes again and squinted. The storm was violent now. And icy. It hurt in her face, but she fought herself to her knees. The blonde was in the centre of the storm. She was holding the golden henshin in her hand. Wind tore at her jacket and she saw that the tall girl only wore her pyjama under it. Then, the blonde raised the henshin.

_I KNEW it! She is Sailor Uranus! Now she will transform and save us!_

Haruka, however, didn't transform. Instead, she threw the henshin away. It hit the youma who growled even more. The wind increased just like the golden light. The youma screamed so high that Michiru covered her ears with her hands. Then it was gone.

From one second to the other one there was silence.

Then the rain started again to fall.

_Nani?_

Michiru gulped and looked around in surprise. Still, the youma was gone. Just like the storm and the red light. Only Haruka stood there. Simply there. Staring into nothing. The henshin of the senshi of the wind laid on a puddle next to her foot. Then, the tall blonde went on her knees, boneless.

_Shimatta!_

"Are you hurt? Ruka? Say word!" Michiru was by her side within the next moment. She held her as she fell. Dark green eyes shone feverishly and there was no sign on the sweaty forehead as Michiru had hoped.

"I am fine. And you?" Haruka coughed and tried to creep deeper in the warm jacket. Her pyjama was soaked from the rain and she froze. "What happened?"

Michiru frowned. Then she turned her head and looked at the remains of the strong youma and the henshin, still lying in the mud next to them.

"You've saved my life."

Haruka coughed again and simply let the dizziness control her mind.

_**- Thanks for being there for me, Haru-chan. Even if it's in vain. -**_

_**- Nothing is in vain, as long as you believe in it. -**_

_**- There's nothing I believe in any longer. -**_

_**- Sure you do. -**_

"But how?" she whispered after some moments she had looked into Michiru's pale face and wondered how the young violinist when she laughed. Laughed happily.

I've never seen Hikari laughing happily.

Haruka's throat hurt more and more and she simply let Michiru help her up.

But I want to see her laughing happily.

"I have no idea." Michiru picked up the dirty henshin and transformed back into her normal clothes. Then, she took carefully Haruka's right arm and directed her over to the parking space. The rehearsal was already over and she knew that she wouldn't take part at the one tomorrow. Her conductor would be very angry, because she had never cancelled a rehearsal before in her life, but it didn't matter to her. There were so many things she had to think about, there was no place any more in her mind for her conductor's silly ideas.

Quickly, she looked back to the place where she had fought against the youma, remembered the light and had to shrug helplessly her shoulders.

"I really have no idea, Ruka."

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"I can't believe that you simply took Setsuna's car!" Elza sat at the table and gave them all a big pot of Ramen. It was only instant noodle soup, but it was hot and that was all what mattered. Haruka and Michiru had returned an hour ago. Each of them took a warm bath and now they sat there: in two bathrobes, with towels wrapped around their heads. They looked a little bit like people from the Orient.

Both of them didn't give her an answer. Michiru chewed on her lower lip and fought with her sticks while Haruka simply stared very tired into her soup. Hotaru laid in her cradle next to them and slept deep and tight. Elza had fed her two hours ago.

"How does it come that you can drive a car, Haruka?" Elza didn't want to shut up this time. Too often during the last months strange things had happened and she didn't get an answer from Setsuna nor Michiru. This time, however, she wanted to get some answers. At least some.

"A friend taught me how to drive," responded Haruka and her voice was very low. She coughed again and winced. Her body trembled slightly and she still froze The bath had been very hot, but still she felt incredibly cold. Her eyes burned and her throat seemed to drive her crazy. It was soar and slowly it got more and more difficult for her to breathe. "Aren't you able to drive, too, Elza?"

"Hai, but I only take it for emergencies. I mean, you only wanted to fetch Michiru up from the rehearsal! Why didn't you tell me? I would have ordered a taxi." Elza made a depressed face and put ketchup on her roll with cheese. "I mean, you left the house in pyjamas! That's incredibly stupid! It's almost winter outside!"

Haruka only shrugged. She didn't want to argue with the girl. She didn't want to talk to anyone any more. She only wanted to get in her warm bed and to sleep.

"And your arm is hurt, Michiru! How could this happen?"

_How could this happen?_

_How could this youma be defeated?_

Michiru frowned and chewed slowly on her chopstick. She already ate the noddle on it but forgot completely about it.

_Where did that golden light come from?_

_Why hadn't Haruka been able to transform?_

_She was Sailor Uranus, wasn't she?_

_Wasn't she?_

_Wasn't she?_

Michiru sighed deeply and shook her head. It was all so complicate. So unnervingly complicate. How could Haruka have known that she was in danger? How could she have known _where_ she was in danger?

"Michiru?"

Elza's impatient words brought her back to reality. She raised her head and looked into angry sparkling eyes.

"Earth to Michiru! Is anyone at home? Hey, I want some answers! What the hell have you done this afternoon?" she said loud, but all she earned was Michiru's not definable look. The rich girl raised her eyebrows, then she took another chopstick full with noodles and fell back into her trance.

"Fine! And I thought I was a part of that family!" shouted Elza suddenly very angrily and ran out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Hotaru woke up and made a terrified sound. Just like Orpheus raised his head and growled warningly.

Michiru sighed deeply and glanced at the clock. It was already seven in the evening.

Part of the family...

She gulped and finally rose from her chair. She didn't have much hunger, she would eat something later. Maybe.

"Take Hime-chan to bed, Ruka. It's already quite late for her. I'll talk to you later." Without waiting for Haruka's reaction, she wrapped her bathrobe tighter around her body and left the room. She didn't have to search for Elza. Of course she was in Setsuna's room, sitting on the chair in front of some black screens. Staring angrily at them. Her fits were clinched and her mouth was nothing than a line.

"Elza?" asked Michiru and stepped behind the girl who was not only her friend, but also just like a sister for her. She put her hands on two shoulders and let them there, even as Elza tried to turn away.

"Haruka and I had to talk," lied Michiru and hated herself for doing so, but Elza wouldn't understand. Even if she would understand, she would try to help – and she couldn't help. She wasn't a senshi, she would only bring herself in danger. In life danger.

Michiru didn't want to harm her. She loved her like a sister and she would do anything just to let her family stay out of that senshi - talisman business.

"A lot has happened during the past week and Haruka and I had to talk."

Michiru could see Elza frown in the dark screen's reflection.

"It's about Hime-chan, isn't it?" The red haired girl remembered how Haruka had told her so many things about the little girl only yesterday, staring in her cacao with a very sad expression on her pale face.

"You... you know about it?" asked Michiru, slightly worried.

"Hai, she told me about your argument yesterday and that she's very worried."

Their looks met on the dark screen's reflection and they both sighed deeply. They both loved the little girl and only wanted her best.

"Hai, she's very worried," sighed the young violinist finally.

Just like we all are.

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Hotaru was in her cradle and slept like an angel. Her angel. Her little sunshine.

Haruka bowed over the cradle and covered her daughter carefully with a soft blanket. Then, she gave her the little toy dolphin and stroked tenderly through fluffy dark hair.

Don't worry, Himme-chan. I am here. I won't let anything happen to you. Be sure, you'll grow to be strong and wild.

_**- Everything will be fine. -**_

Haruka wanted so badly to believe in those words. She wanted so badly to have Michiru's optimism, but she had seen so many people die in her young life. So many people she had loved so much, and yet she couldn't hold them back. She had tried to be there for them, but she couldn't change destiny. They all had left her.

I won't let you go, Hime-chan. I'll fight for you. So that you'll be a happy little girl.

Haruka coughed and the entire world seemed to spin around. Her throat was sore and her legs trembled. Therefore, she went on her knees next to the cradle and watched her daughter sleep. As she had done so many nights before in her daughter's young life. To be sure that the little girl was still breathing. That she was still alive. That everything was fine with her.

_Everything fine?_

_She needs a new heart._

_**- Meioh Michiru's goddaughter automatically stands on top of the list. -**_

Godmother.

You have a godmother now, Hime-chan. You know what that means? Godmothers are almost as bad as aunts and grandparents. They spoil you a little bit, give you big presents and are always on your side. No matter what mistakes you will do, they will always be there for you. To defend you against the concerned mother.

Haruka gulped and made a face as that hurt. The longer she thought about it, the better it sounded. Michiru as Hotaru's godmother. Of course she had overreacted the last evening as she had heard something sounding like "mother". Haruka had not many fears. She had seen so much in her young life that she wasn't easily frightened. However, the thought that someone would take away her daughter let her freak out. They all had wanted to take Hime-chan away from her: all the doctors, the nurses, the social workers. Little Hotaru was her only family. Without her she would be all alone.

_Michi as a godmother._

_Somehow, it sounded right..._

"Ruka?"

She blinked and raised her head as she heard her new nickname. Since yesterday Michiru seemed to have decided to use it. Haruka liked that. She had never had a real nickname and this one sounded nice.

Michiru still wore her bathrobe. She had put her hair together in her neck, but some strands had escaped and danced in curls around her ears. Her cheeks were slightly redden and she looked extremely beautiful.

"Hai?" whispered the tall blonde and coughed again. Her soar throat was driving her crazy. She watched Michiru kneeling down next to her and rocking the cradle carefully. Hotaru didn't react. She kept sleeping. A small smile laid on her face and told them that she felt safe and secure.

"Gomen nasai that I didn't tell you the results earlier," said Michiru after a long time and bowed slightly. "It was not right, but I wanted to talk to the doctor first. I wanted to know how big her chances really are before I talk to you. Before I make you false hopes or before I destroy everything." Michiru sighed deeply. "I've phoned him last evening and arrangement an appointment on Monday afternoon. So that he can tell you all details again. Guess we'll be soon a lot more often at the hospital."

"And your rehearsals?"

"They can wait. Hime-chan is more important."

Haruka touched her aching head with her icy hands.

"And the money? Guess this operation will be a lot more expensive."

For a moment there was silence between them. Michiru glanced from the sleeping baby to its mother and leaned a little bit forward to look into dark green eyes.

"Do you really think I am doing this just because of the contract?" Michiru frowned and knew the answer as she saw directly into Haruka's face. "I love this little girl, Ruka. I love your daughter and I'll do everything in my might to save her life. Money doesn't play a role for me. It doesn't matter how much this operation will cost, she has to survive it and become healthy again. Don't worry about the money, Ruka." Michiru raised her hand and laid it on Haruka's left shoulder. "Believe me Ruka, I do that for Hime-chan. Just trust me, okay?"

Haruka stared at her, then she looked away. Her reaction told Michiru that the tall blonde seldom trusted anyone. Certainly, she had been hurt too often by someone so that she needed her time to trust again. Michiru understood her. She had needed a long time herself before she had been able to trust Setsuna's parents. And even a longer time before she had called them "mommy" and "daddy". That she called strange people her parents. For the first time of her life.

"I couldn't transform today."

"But the youma was defeated. I have no idea how, but we could defeat it. That's all what matters." explained young violinist and smiled encouragingly.

"If you think so..." There was doubt written all over Haruka's face and she rocked the cradle softly. Hotaru only smiled and kept sleeping.

"Hai, I am sure that you couldn't transform, because your body still needs some recovering from Hime-chan's birth. We simply have to be a little bit more patient." Michiru frowned as she felt how the other girl trembled under her hands. She touched the blonde's forehead and felt how hot Haruka was. "You have a fever," she stated the obvious and frowned even more as she heard a shaky laughter.

"No, I don't have a fever. I haven't been ill during the past two years."

"Looks like the virus just waited for this chance over the past two years," answered Michiru and rose. "Go to bed, I'll get you some medicine. If you take care of yourself, you'll be fine again tomorrow."

_- Hika-chan, please, take care of yourself. -_

_- I always do, Haru-chan. Don't worry. -_

_- But you have a fever. It's not good to go out there when you have a fever. -_

_- We need the money. -_

_- Hey, wait... -_

Haruka stared for a moment at Michiru, then she nodded slowly. Carefully, she changed into fresh pyjamas and crept under the warm blanket. Her bones hurt, as well, but she didn't want to admit it. She didn't want to look weak, because it could kill you if you showed any weakness. She knew that too well. A weak girl didn't survive on the street. Only a strong one. A hard one. An independent one.

_**- Hi, strong one… -**_

_**- You don't have to play the strong one, Haru-chan. I know how life can be. -**_

_**- Run! You aren't strong enough for him, Haru-chan! -**_

_**- Wow! You are strong enough to carry all this stuff, Haru-chan? -**_

She was almost asleep when Michiru returned. The light was switched off, only a little lamp on the bedside table illuminated the room. Haruka took her medicine without protest and wanted to close her eyes again as she felt how Michiru opened her pyjamas' top. For a moment she laid there in paralysing astonishment before she stiffed and opened her eyes again.

"What are you doing?" she whispered and looked directly into deep blue eyes.

"That's a healing cream. It helps you to breathe more easily. Mommy always used it when Sissy or I caught such a bad cold like you did." explained the girl and smiled friendly. Haruka winced as soft fingers touched her upper part of the body. "Ups, it's cold, isn't it?" Michiru brought her hands together to warm up the cream. "That's what mommy never believes. She says that medicine is never funny. Creams are too cold and everything you have to gulp is bitter." Michiru giggled and brought her hand back to Haruka's body. An extremely slim body. Haruka had put on a little bit weight during the past weeks, but still she was too slim. Michiru could see the rips under the skin. She could feel them as she caressed tenderly over them. Haruka didn't react. She only laid there and closed her burning eyes. Simply let her do.

It feels so damn good.

Haruka would have never given in aloud, but she liked those soft touches. Michiru didn't only take care of her ill body, but the same time of her aching soul. It was like caressing a beloved person. Maybe Michiru was really only taking care of an ill friend, but for Haruka it felt different. It felt as if she was loved again. Really loved. The same love parents did feel for their child. The same love friends did feel for their friends. The same love lovers did feel for their soul mates.

**- Don't worry, Haru-chan. There're people out there who need you. Who will love you with all consequences. -**

She wasn't sure if she had ever heard those words, because she had been drug addicted at that time. Drug addicted, full of hate and despair and maybe even a little bit crazy. However, if Hikari had really said those words, Haruka couldn't believe them. No one would love someone like her. Not when they found out who she really was, what she had done during long days and even longer nights.

It feels so damn familiar...

Yet, for this short fleeting moment, for this little dream, she wanted to believe in those words that had sounded like a prophecy.

Michiru would never love her. Maybe she saw a friend in her, maybe for her the contract wasn't so important as long as Haruka really tried to transform and fight against those youmas. Maybe she really liked Hime-chan and wanted to save her because of the child's sake. Nonetheless, Haruka didn't believe that someone as smart as Michiru would love her, no matter what Haruka's heart tried to tell her, but was always ignored by her mind. By her bitter memories.

Just for these few seconds she wanted to give in. She wanted to believe that she was loved. Still loved by someone on this cruel, bitter world. Even if it was all a lie, for those moments it was worth it.

"Sissy always put sugar in her medicine and mommy was very angry with her. But she was better than me. I used to spit it out when it was too bitter." Michiru's smile deepened as Haruka smiled slightly. "Hime-chan is a brave girl, Ruka. She takes her medicine without complaining."

Quickly, Haruka opened her eyes and looked up into eyes that were as deep as the ocean. She believed to drown in them. To swim in them. Just like a little fish. Free and protected at the same time.

"She has no other... other chance," coughed Haruka and rubbed her burning eyes. At that moment Michiru's hand went a little bit too low and touched her breast. Maybe it had been an unintentional move, but Haruka reacted before Michiru knew what she was doing. Haruka's right hand grabbed Michiru's and held it tight. Silently, they stared at each other.

_What is she doing?_

Haruka felt the warm fingers in her hand and blinked as her headache even increased. The medicine would do its job. Soon. Soon, not now.

"What are you doing?" whispered the tall blonde finally, still holding that hand tight. Of course, she had liked that soft touch. Hell, she wanted so badly to be embraced again. To be hold tight again. To be loved again. Yet, she wanted it to be real. Not only for an hour or a night; she wanted these feelings to last longer. She didn't want to be used and thrown away like rubbish afterwards. Not again.

Michiru blinked and blushed deeply. She felt the cold hand around her fingers and suddenly she had the strange desire to take that girl before her in her arms. To feel her. To find comfort with her. And maybe, maybe a little bit more. Then she saw the expression on a pale face, saw the surprise there. And the hesitation.

Shimatta, Michiru! What do you think you are doing? She has other problems than your damn fear of being alone! Certainly, she's not even interested in you!

"Gomen..." Michiru blushed even deeper and freed her hand, entwined it with her other hand in her lap. Some strands fell over her shoulders as she bowed slightly. "I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable." Michiru rose quickly and it looked a little bit too hectic. Still, Haruka didn't respond anything. She only glanced at her with her feverishly shimmering eyes.

"You've tried to ask me something on the schoolyard." Michiru gulped and wrapped her bathrobe tighter around her body. "And the answer is hai. Tamara is right when she calls me a lesbian." Quickly, Michiru turned her head and looked over to a sleeping Hotaru.

_She has a daughter, Michiru!_

_Obviously, she had had a boyfriend._

_She's not interested in girls. _

_But she has a right to know it. When she keeps arguing with Tamara she should know that Tamara is right. She deserves to know the truth._

_The truth? The whole truth?_

_That Sailor Uranus is your partner by the stars?_

_Well..._

_Hai, no one knows if she is really Sailor Uranus. Maybe she is just a stranger and the real senshi of the wind is still somewhere out there._

_Well..._

Hotaru yawned in her dreams and Michiru gulped again.

"But don't worry, I don't jump every girl I see." The young violinist smiled, but it looked a little bit wrong. "I really didn't want to do anything wrong."

_Shimatta! What's wrong with you? You've never behaved this way before!_

Michiru bowed again before she turned around and opened the door.

"I wish you a good night, Haruka. Try to recover and sleep as long as you want. Elza and I will take care of Hime-chan in the morning, okay?"

With those words Michiru left the room. Left a still silent Haruka behind who stared for another long time at the closed door.

_It's just a dream. I've told you, it's nothing but a dream!_

The tall blonde closed her eyes and pulled the blanket over her head. To cast out the world. Deeply, she sighed.

She's a lesbian, too.

But it's clear that she doesn't want anything from me.

**- Don't worry, Haru-chan. There're people out there who need you. Who will love you with all consequences. -**

_It's been a bloody lie, Hikari. No one wants someone like me._

Haruka closed her burning eyes and tried to relax, but she simply couldn't fall asleep. Awake, she laid there almost all night, listening to classical music that evolved in Michiru's room. But she wasn't playing herself. Her hand was injured and bandaged, she wouldn't be able to play during the next week. At least.

_It's only a fucking dream!_

Haruka turned from one side of the bed to the other, feeling how the fever increased inside her body.

_It's only a fucking dream!_

But she knew too well that she couldn't stop dreaming now.

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She was coughing like crazy. It seemed for her as if her lungs would explode. Her head seemed to be pierced by knifes and her whole body stood on fire.

Damn...

There were shadows around her bed. Voices filled the air, but she didn't understand what they were saying. Something cold was pressed against her hot body and she wanted to turn away. However, they wouldn't let her. Therefore, she stayed, admitting after some moments of doubt that it felt good.

Then the light was switched on. Still, she didn't see a lot more. Only that there was a strange shadow. A shadow that hurt her. Directly into her right arm. Then it was gone and the world went dark again. So pleasantly dark. With a deep sigh she feel asleep again. Feeling how someone covered her with a soft blanket and caressed her hair. She wanted to tell that person that she liked that touch, but she was already fast asleep before she could say anything.

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It was night when she woke again. Her head felt better and the cough seemed to have gone. Her pyjamas were sweaty, but she hardly noticed it since it wasn't too uncomfortable and would dry soon. She was a little bit hungry and needed to go to the toilette. Haruka grabbed her bathrobe and stood up. Slightly reeling she went over the soft carpet and hesitated. Something was wrong. Or better, someone was missing. Frowning deeply, she looked around and had to see that Hotaru's cradle was gone. Normally, they only took the cradle down during the day, but not during the night. During the night the little girl always slept.

_Nani?_

Haruka wrapped the bathrobe around her body and left her room to go downstairs. Still, she felt incredibly dizzy, but she wanted to see her daughter. The need was suddenly so strong, she couldn't go back to her room and change her clothes first. She could take a shower later. Later was early enough.

_What is going on?_

It was dark in the house. And strangely silent. Too silent.

_Are they all gone?_

Haruka glanced at the watch as she stumbled downstairs, always holding the handrail tight. She would have never admitted it aloud, but she felt incredibly exhausted. Slightly, she remembered a strange dream she had had the past night, but forgot about it as she entered the living room. One look and her racing heart calmed down. One look was enough to tell her that nothing had happened during the past hours she had been asleep.

Hotaru laid in her cradle and slept deep and tight, always watched by a big St. Bernhard dog who wouldn't let any stranger come nearer. Orpheus was a friendly dog. A funny dog. A begging dog every time they ate something he liked. However, he could be really dangerous if anyone harmed his family. Haruka had seen him once really angry, dangerously growling. She had been out for a walk together with Elza on the beach. While Haruka had carried her daughter who enjoyed all the sea birds, Elza had had Orpheus by her side. Certainly, the guys hadn't wanted to harm her, but they were getting on their nerves. One of them, their boss, tried to get Elza to become his girlfriend. She had only laughed and denied and wanted to go away. When the guy had grabbed her shoulder and wanted to hold her back, the big St. Bernhard dog had almost knocked him over. It had taken all of Elza's powers and orders to hold the raging dog back. The guys had ran away quickly and since that day Haruka knew how protecting Orpheus could be and that her daughter was safe when the big dog was around.

Michiru raised her head as she heard the door opening. For a moment she looked at Haruka, then she put her English book away. She almost had forgotten to do her homework, therefore, she had decided to do it now. She had nothing else to do, anyway.

"Awake, sleepy head?" she whispered and clapped on the couch's soft underground next to her. Haruka hesitated some seconds, then she sat down, her eyes still fixed on her sleeping daughter.

"How are you feeling?" Michiru took the blanket that laid always over the couch's top and pulled it around Haruka. The tall girl didn't seem to freeze, but after the past twenty four hours Michiru didn't want her to become even more sick.

"Guess a truck ran over me," grinned Haruka and sneezed. She thanked Michiru as she handled her a handkerchief and snorted. "I am fine."

"That's good." Michiru glanced at the watch. It was around ten in the evening. Elza had already disappeared in Setsuna's room, but the young violinist was sure that her friend wasn't going to sleep, but going to play a little bit with the computer. She knew how to start the big one and she knew how to start the video game about a brave soldier killing Satan. Michiru was only thankful that Elza put off the sound, because it sounded strange when you walked through the house, hearing how a monster begged for its life or a skeleton fell to its bones.

"We had to call the doctor this morning." Michiru raised her hand and touched Haruka's forehead. Still, it was warm, but not as hot as it had been when Michiru wanted to take Hotaru in the morning. To feed her and to give her new nappies. Haruka had breathed so strangely and when she looked after her she had seen that she had a very high fever and difficulties to breathe. Michiru had tried to wake her up, but Haruka only opened her eyes, but didn't react much when she talked to her. Therefore, they had called a doctor who gave Haruka an injection and more medicine. Since then, the tall blonde had slept. Michiru had looked after her twice an hour while Elza and she took care of Hotaru.

"Really?" Haruka frowned and groaned as her headache returned. "Can't remember."

"Oh, you didn't miss a lot." Michiru smiled. Relieved, that the taller girl looked a little bit better. The next week Haruka would stay at home. Setsuna wanted to return this night, so that Michiru could go to school together with Elza tomorrow - without worrying too much about Haruka and her daughter.

"The doctor gave you some medicine and we let you sleep. That's the best medicine as mommy always said." Michiru leaned forward and corrected Hotaru's blanket. Tenderly, she smiled at the little girl. She still remembered how concerned she had been when she called the doctor. Okay, Elza or Setsuna got ill every winter, as well, but Michiru knew that Haruka still had to take other medicine and that her body was not in the best condition to have a big cold or even a flu.

The doctor, however, could calm her down. He ordered Haruka some days of rest and assured Michiru that the blonde would be fine again.

"He said that you should stay at home for the next week." Michiru yawned slightly and hoped that Setsuna would return soon. She wanted to go to bed, as well. Carefully, the young violinist rocked the cradle. Hotaru only clenched her tiny fists and kept sleeping. Haruka watched her, still sneezing.

At that moment someone opened the front door.

"That'll be Sissy." Michiru rose and yawned again. "Better you'll go to bed again, Haruka. Your medicine is on your desk. Don't worry about Hime-chan. She'll sleep in my room this night so that she won't infect herself from you."

Haruka looked from her daughter to the young violinist. Her sea green hair was messed and there was a sleepy expression on a slightly redden face. Michiru would have surely disagreed, but Haruka thought that she looked beautiful this way.

"Michiru?" Haruka felt how she blushed slightly.

"Hai?"

"Arigato. Arigato for taking care of... of us."

"No problem. That's what friends are for, right?"

Michiru's smile made her even more beautiful.

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Tiredly, Setsuna entered her room. She arrived one hour ago, but had talked to her sister during the last sixty minutes about what had happened while she was away: about the youma's attack, about the strange victory without Sailor Uranus, and about Haruka's cold. That she would stay home for the next days and that Setsuna should take care of her, as well. Or at least watch after her from time to time.

Just one weekend and everything sinks in chaos.

Setsuna put her laptop computer down and stretched her tired body. The firm had been delighted by her programme, ordering her to develop another one for them soon. She had earned good money and, what was more important for her, got the feeling that she had done a very good job.

_So, Haruka defeated a youma without transforming into Sailor Uranus?_

Setsuna frowned while she controlled her computers. It looked like someone had used one of them, but it wasn't damaged, therefore, she simply switched it off and went into her bathroom to change. She didn't like the dark green suit so much, but she had to wear such expensive clothes whenever she meet someone from the firm.

Maybe Haruka isn't Sailor Uranus? Maybe Michi overreacted? Maybe she only wanted to find the third senshi so badly that she imagined Haruka to be the senshi of the wind?

Setsuna took a short shower and changed into her nightdress. Slowly, she braided her hair and yawned.

_But how could she defeat the youma, then?_

Deeply, the young woman sighed and went over to her sleeping room. She would think about this mystery tomorrow. Haruka would stay home to recover, she could talk to her in peace. Maybe they would find a logical solution. Otherwise, they simply had to wait for the next youma to come.

Setsuna switched on the light and pulled her clothes over her armchair. Then she went over to her bed and sat down. Deeply, she yawned again and wanted to creep under her blanket as someone appeared from the blanket's depth and embraced her.

"Welcome home, Sissy-chan," whispered Elza sleepily and smiled tiredly. "Come to bed. It's pretty late."

The tall woman stared down at the red haired girl in complete silence. Then, she sighed slightly.

It's only a joke. For you our whole life is a joke. You only want to tease me around. As always.

Softly, but determinedly she pulled herself free and shook her head.

"Better not, Elza."

"But this bed is big enough for the both of us," giggled Elza and tried to pull Setsuna with her into the bed. "We can sneak together, so there'll be more place."

"No." Setsuna struggled and finally rose. "Better not."

"Why?" Elza pouted and her red hair stood in all directions. "Michi asked me to stay here. It's okay."

_It's not okay!_

_You only tease me around, but for me it's more than just a funny joke!_

Setsuna shook her head again and stroked her plait over her right shoulder.

"I am sure that Michi meant something different." Setsuna grabbed her pillow and searched in her wardrobe for a blanket. "If you need me, I am on the couch in the living room!"

"But..."

"Some of your jokes are simply not funny, Elza. Not funny at all!"

Setsuna stumbled over the blanket and grabbed it angrily again.

_Why does she have to do such things?_

_Why does she have to hurt me so much?_

Because for Setsuna it wasn't a joke. Not at all.

"Just forget it, okay?" she snapped, still struggling with her blanket and her hair and the pillow she lost for more than one time. She didn't turn around as Elza called her name.

"Sissy, wait!" Elza jumped out of the bed, but the door closed shortly before her nose. "Setsuna, damn!" The red haired girl bumped against the door and sighed deeply. "Why do you always have to run away?" Sadly, Elza stared at the closed door before she leaned against it. Tears sparkled in her eyes.

_Can't you see that I am not joking?_

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It was early in the morning. Of a Monday morning, but Michiru was already awake. She had taken a shower, eaten breakfast, fed Hime-chan and changed the little girl's nappies. Now, she sneaked in Haruka's room to see if the tall blonde was fine.

Haruka was lying under her blanket, sleeping peacefully. Her forehead was still warm, as Michiru touched it carefully, but the tall blonde didn't have any fever any longer. The worst was over; she would recover during the next days and be strong enough to be there for her daughter. During the next weeks. Deciding weeks in the little girl's life.

"Michi...?" Haruka's voice was husky as she opened her sleepy eyes.

"Hush, Ruka. Keep sleeping. I am just leaving for school." Michiru smiled and couldn't hold back herself to caress through blonde strands. Of course she had seen the hesitation and the doubt in deep green eyes when she touched her to give her that healing cream, but right now she simply couldn't resist. The feeling was too good to run her fingers through those messed strands. "Hime-chan is downstairs and sleeps again. Don't worry, everything is fine."

Michiru gulped as Haruka smiled and turned around to fall back into sleep.

Don't worry, we'll take care of her. And of you.

The young violinist finally turned around and left the room as quietly as she could.

Recover soon, Ruka. So that we can heal your daughter.

Silently, she closed the door and went thoughtfully downstairs. To go to school, to cancel her rehearsals and to make a new appointment with the doctor for the early evening. She hoped that Haruka would feel better again so that she could come with her and bring Hotaru with her.

Now those appointments would be more often. Daily as Michiru feared. Until they would find a suitable heart for the little girl.

I hope that we'll find a heart.

Michiru gulped as she called Elza to drive her to school.

In time...

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**Author's corner:**

That's the end of chapter 3 "Taking care", but not the end of the story, don't worry. Next chapter is called "Living on the edge" (which should give you some hint about the context). It will be again subdivided into 3 parts (each part about 20-25 pages).

Thank you again for your wonderful reviews this week, as well. It always warms my heart to receive so many nice comments from you.

I can't thank you all personally here, because doesn't like so many words outside the story. However, I always try to answer all your comments. Feel a big hug from me – grin –.

Next update:

Haruka doesn't like the new topic in their biology class. A nice young woman visits Michiru, happy to have found Haruka after quite a long search. Michiru wonders if she's an old friend.


	9. Chapter 4: Living on the edge 1

**Chapter four: Living on the edge**

"Are you sure that you're feeling fine?" Michiru put the rolls she had made for breakfast on the table and sat down. She yawned slightly and watched Haruka feeding little Hotaru. Haruka had spent the past week at home. Soon, she felt better and didn't want to sit passively in the living room as she called it, but Michiru forced her to stay there and to take her medicine. She told her that it wouldn't be healthy were she to break down at school. However, now it was Monday and Haruka would come again with her again.

"Of course." Haruka looked shortly up and smiled. Still, she felt a little bit dizzy, but she would have never admitted it aloud. She wanted to go to school. Not because of the teachers or the tests. She had always hated that part of it. No, she wanted to have something to do. Even if that meant to learn some stupid vocabulary or to do some experiments in physics. At school she could listen to the teacher's words, laugh about a classmate's joke or try not to sing too loud in music. She could do a lot with the other people and didn't have to sit in her room. watching her little daughter sleep. Listening to her ill breath. Seeing her small, fragile body. Knowing that her heart was too week to support her body all of her tiny life. Those hours when Michiru was at school with Elza and Setsuna had a meeting with her firm were the worst. Soon, Haruka feared that every breath the little girl did could be her last. Furthermore, she didn't know whom to call. Okay, Michiru gave her Dr. Sugara-san's number, but he wouldn't be there right in time to save the tiny life that meant everything for Haruka. During the last week, they had visited the doctor every afternoon when Michiru returned from school, but somehow Haruka wasn't sure if all the visits helped. Really helped. Because Hotaru was always so exhausted afterwards and looked even paler.

_Still they have no new heart for her._

Haruka let her daughter do her burp and bit on her lower lip.

_With every day her chances are getting smaller..._

"We're writing a test in math today, but I've told Takana-san that you've been ill. You'll write the test on Thursday." Michiru finished her breakfast and rose. Carefully, she took Hotaru in her arms and rocked her gently. "Hope that's okay for you."

_Just like a family._

Haruka watched Michiru for some moments and gulped. Then, she tried to concentrate on her own breakfast. Somehow she failed.

_My family... _

Every morning, every day she told herself that it was only a dream. Nevertheless, she couldn't stop dreaming. This illusion was all that was left for her from her hopes and all the wishes she once had had.

"Maths not the problem, you know."

"Maybe you want to change with me?" Michiru giggled and laid Hotaru in her cradle. Setsuna would get up during the next minutes to take care of her.

"If you'd write my English test, I'd do anything for you," grinned Haruka and searched in her pockets for a small box where she kept her medicine. Michiru had often seen it. The box was brown and old. And looked very used. The medicine, however, was new and the way Haruka's face always looked, it wasn't very delicious.

"Okay, then you'll write my maths test and I'll write your English test. Isn't that a deal?" smiled Michiru and came over to her best friend. Curiously, she looked over her shoulder, but the pills were white. Simply white. She couldn't define what they were for. Haruka had muttered something about Hotaru's birth and that there had been some complications when she asked her, but the way she always looked away, Michiru didn't believe her. Not really.

"What's that?" she asked again and pointed at the pills. As always Haruka's face darkened a little bit and she put the box away quickly.

"Only some medicine." Her look told Michiru that it was senseless to ask any further. The young violinist only nodded and sighed deeply.

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The school was wonderfully noisy. The pupils were chatting like always in a loud and funny way. Some of them were laughing, some were teasing each other around. Most of them only had one topic to discuss: the autumn dance, a big ball that took place every year at the last week of November. The girls wondered what they should wear the coming week and the boys wondered how they should ask the girl they liked to come with them to the dance.

Haruka grinned as she heard two girls talking behind her about their hairdos. If they should dye their hair or cut it. The tall blonde could remember too well the balls she had taken part. Mostly, she went there without a partner, just like some other girls from her class. It hadn't been too bad; they had been fifteen years old, many girls didn't have a partner, then. Haruka had hated the dress she had to wear during the dance, but the sparkle in her mother's eyes as she looked proudly at her daughter let her forget her uncomfortable feelings. Her mother had known that she was different, but nevertheless she had wanted to see her little girl in a dress she had sewed herself – even if it was only once a year.

Michiru only read the piosters hanging everywhere in the school building. She didn't say a word about the dance. It didn't look as if she would go to this event and Haruka wasn't sure if she should be relieved about Michiru's reaction or not. On the one hand she wouldn't feel right there, on the other hand she hadn't seen such a school festival for over three years. Certainly, it would have been a nice time to memorise all the things she once had seen. To believe that everything was like it used to be. Even if that held true for only one evening.

Setsuna reacted with the same lack of interest as her little sister. Because she had been once a pupil of Michiru's school, she got an invitation, as well. Elza, of course, tried to convince her to buy a new dress and to come, but Setsuna kept strangely quiet and said that she had to work with her computer what caused another fight with Elza. During the last time, those fights had become more often and Haruka had the strange feeling that they got more serious than they had been only some weeks ago.

_Maybe we'll go to this ball, maybe we'll stay at home. It's not my decision._

"Good morning, guys. Then let's start with another nice day at school, right?"

A high voice was laughing in front of the class and Haruka raised her head to watch the young woman standing behind the desk and smiling happily. The teachers were already excited about their exams by the end of the school year. They were in their best teacher-mood today, telling them all the stuff they should know to pass the exams next summer. Their biology teacher wanted them all to pass with a good result, even if that meant more homework for them. She was young woman who was strict, but fair. Who loved her lessons with all her heart and often told them a story from the time she had spent in a teaching hospital. At first, she had wanted to become a doctor and learned a lot for her goal, but then one day she had to operate a child and wasn't able to. She simply couldn't do it, therefore, she decided to teach children instead of hurting them, as she called it. Still, she had already seen a lot and especially when they talked about the hereditary diseases she could tell them things about those illnesses that weren't written down in any school book. And that the patients were human beings. In consequence, an illness didn't only get a name in their exercise books, but also a face in their minds.

"I hope Elza wins the next competition. She's training so hard," whispered Michiru next to her and Haruka nodded. They both tried to look out of the window and to see the shadows running far away. Elza was often very long at school. In the mornings, they had training, then she had extra lessons together with the rest of the club, then she had again some training. Haruka missed her. She would have never admitted it to anyone, but she missed the loud, crazy girl. She missed her in their class, in the cafeteria at lunch break and she missed her at home. Often, Elza had to attend her training until dust and then she mostly went to her own home.

_The competitions will be over soon._

Haruka sighed slightly but had to smile as Michiru raised her hand and waved it around, hectically, not thinking about her teacher looking suddenly very oddly.

"Meioh-san, I hope you only hurt your hand, because I think you can greet cute boys later this day," said the young teacher strictly who wanted to be called Sakura-san. Really, a very strange and very modern teacher, but all of the class liked her. Even Michiru who blushed slightly and bowed.

"Gomen nasai."

Sakura-san smiled understandingly and turned again towards the blackboard.

"It's okay. I know, the last topics had been quite boring. Talking about little cells you can't see in reality, right?" giggled Sakura-san, but Haruka silently disagreed. The topic about genes had been really interesting. She knew that the cells of the human body were very tiny. The same she knew that the doctors would have to use a special microscope to operate her daughter.

"Today we're going to talk about a topic that's more interesting for young teenagers like you. Some of my older colleagues think that it's a shame, but I for myself think that everyone should be informed about it and discussion about it are very important for you."

"Let's talk about sex!" shouted Tamara suddenly and some other girls laughed nervously. The past week Tamara had been extremely quiet, but it looked as if she had again a victim to torture: Haruka had returned. Michiru hardly reacted towards her bad jokes, but the tall blonde could get angry so nicely. Tamara would have preferred to have Haruka as a good friend, but she couldn't be friend of a bitch like Michiru. Therefore, Haruka was her enemy, as well, and she would let her feel that every second when the teacher wouldn't be around to stop her.

"You are right, Tamara. That'll be our next topic. Sexuality and AIDS." Some people groaned in obvious torture while other people looked away with redden faces. Only Tamara looked openly at Michiru who only raised askingly her eyebrows, to get the answer at the very instant.

"Are we going to talk about normal sex or about lesbian sex? I don't want Michiru to feel all alone," grinned the black haired girl diabolically. Michiru only rolled her eyes, opened her textbook and put it in the middle, because Haruka had obviously forgotten her own. The tall blonde sat there, staring in her opened exercise book, holding her pen tightly in her hands.

_Not this topic..._

Haruka closed her eyes for some moments and tried to ignore the sickness growing inside her belly. She didn't want to talk about it. She didn't want to hear the other girl's silly giggles or innocent questions. She didn't want to listen to her teacher's voice, telling them how beautiful it could be. No, she didn't want to listen to all those lies as she didn't want to remember. Not here, not now. Never again...

_**- Why are you doing this, Hika-chan? -**_

_**- Why did you want to do it, Haru-chan, huh? Why? I know that you didn't like this guy, that you don't like any guys at all. -**_

_**- I needed money... -**_

_**- See? I need the money, too. -**_

_**- But now we're together. You can have something of the money... -**_

_**- You steal, you mean? You are beating down innocent people and steal their purses. You are hurting them, Haruka! I am only hurting myself. -**_

Haruka held the pen tighter in her hands and tried to ignore the discussion between Tamara and their teacher. Finally, Sakura-san won and Tamara had to shut up. Haruka didn't even feel the angry looks that met her. All she saw was the shaking figure of Hikari. In that night they had a terrible fight. Haruka had rescued her from one of those men who tried to do things with her she didn't want to do. Haruka wanted her to stop, to earn the money they needed in another way. Still, there had been some dreams left. Dreams she wanted to share with Hikari. With her best friends who had already lost all hope.

_**- I won't let you do this any longer! My money's enough for the both of us. -**_

_**- It's never enough. You know that! Otherwise, throw those pills away. And all the other stuff. Throw it away and the money will be enough for the both of us! -**_

Haruka could remember too well how Hikari jumped after the little bag as the tall blonde really wanted to throw it away. That day she had wanted to change her entire life. For Hikari. Her best friend. The only human who was left in her life. Who liked her. After all the hell they had gone through... together. Hikari, however, had known that it wasn't as easy as that. Maybe Haruka would have made it, maybe she would have died by the attempt of getting away from the devil's stuff, but Hikari didn't let her. She had known that it could be deadly and she had known that it was the only luxury left for them. The only way to stay sane.

After Haruka had left the street and went into a hospital where nurses and doctors took care of her and the unborn life inside her, she had thought that Hikari had been wrong that day. That you could achieve everything if you only wanted to.

Then, after Hotaru was born, she had to realize that they both had been wrong. And right. You could achieve everything if you only wanted to. Some goals, however, were so high that you could only reach the end of the street if anyone was there to let you walk safely.

_**- I don't want it, either, Haru-chan. Please, don't look so angry at me, but it's the only way for me. I can't steal, I can't beg properly... it's the only thing I can do... -**_

Again Haruka saw Hikari crying. Sitting in the dirt and covering her face with her dirty hands. Crying like someone who had already lost her life. That day Haruka hadn't understand her, but over the following months it got clearer to her. And during Hotaru's birth she understood what Hikari had meant. That day she had simply taken her in her arms. Trying to comfort her. To comfort the both of them. Even if it had been in vain.

"I want you to open your books on page number 346," interrupted the teacher's voice Haruka's dark thoughts and the tall blonde blinked as Michiru turned the pages next to her. There, she could see two naked people, only drawn, but she wasn't very interested in them. For the first time since she had started to visit this school and Sakura-san's lessons she glanced at her watch and only wanted this lessons to end. She wanted to get out of that room that suddenly seemed to be too small. To get away from all those people who thought in these absurd romantic ways about love. About psychical and physical love.

_They'll hate me once they'll find out what I've done._

Haruka swallowed hard as the teacher wrote the heading on the blackboard. With big, ugly kanji.

_Michiru'll hate me once she'll know all this stuff._

Haruka knew that Michiru had lived herself for some weeks on the streets, as well, until she had met Setsuna and her parents and was adopted by them. Yet, she knew that Michiru's heart was pure. She had never robbed an old, helpless woman. She had never beaten down a guy who didn't want to give her his money. She had never tried to sell herself for just a small joint. She had never let her best friend go away with strange looking men, knowing that they would only hurt her. She had never done anything just to get enough money to escape in her own dreamland... and even if it was just for a few minutes. She had never done so much crazy stuff to get pregnant and to be responsible for the little one's bad health.

_She has never let her pride down and threw herself away like I did..._

"What do you know about love?" asked Sakura-san a guy who blushed deeply. The rest of the class laughed and some other guys shouted some jokes, knowing that they would have reacted the same way.

_What do you know about love?_

Haruka held the pen even tighter. She didn't know anything about love. Nothing. Because what she had seen, what she had experienced hadn't been love. It hadn't even been lust. It had been... dirt and disgust. Regret and endless shame.

_**- Hey, little one. Come with me and I'll give you that. -**_

Again, she saw him. Standing in the light of the street lamp. Showing her a note that was not very high, yet high enough for her to kill: her pride, her future. Herself.

_**- Why so shy? You're new here, right? Oh, don't worry, I'll take very good care of you. You'll like it. -**_

Still, she could hear his mad laughter, could smell the beer on his breath. Still, she felt extremely sick. Only the thought of him made her retch. He hurt her and she didn't like it at all. And as he found out that she was a girl, not a boy as he had thought, he almost killed her. She could escape and met Hikari that night, trying to believe that this nice girl was a sign. That meeting her was her chance for a new start. Not knowing that it had only been the beginning of the end. Of Hikari's end...

"Love is very romantic. You have butterflies in your stomach. You can't eat and you can only think of the person you're in love with," explained a girl who was normally very shy and blushed deeply. Some guys laughed, but one strict look of Sakura-san's eyes made them quieten quickly.

"That was very nice, Momoko-chan. That's how it should feel when you're in love, right?"

_Right?_

_I have no idea..._

Haruka was sure that she had been in love with Hikari. With a girl who cared for her – as much as she had been able to take care of anyone during those months. Yet, Hikari had pushed her away. And somehow, there had never been time for butterflies. Her stomach had always been empty, but not because she had no hunger, but because she had no money to buy food. And about the thoughts... well, she had often thought of Hikari, but she had thought even more about the money and the next time she'd be able to escape the hell her life had become.

"Red roses are nice," whispered another normally shy girl.

"That's very romantic," nodded Sakura-san and wrote the word on the blackboard. Slowly, a mind map developed on the green underground. There were already some other words standing there, but Haruka couldn't concentrate on them. Her thoughts were spinning around and she felt more and more dizzy with every minute.

_I had no red roses..._

"And don't do it without any contraception," said a boy from the last array and some other boys around him laughed loudly.

"Hey, that's not as funny as you may think. It's a very important topic you've mentioned, Shinji-kun. Arigato." Sakura-san turned around and wrote some other Japanese signs on the blackboard.

"Hai. Or do you want your girlfriend to become pregnant?"

"Otherwise, you could get ill."

"Hai, you could get AIDS."

Soon, there was a loud discussion going on between the pupils. Sakura-san nodded and wrote more and more words down, all the while discussing the topic with her pupils.

_... you could get AIDS..._

Haruka gulped and the pen broke in her hands. However, no one noticed her reaction. The chattering of the excited boys and girls around her was too loud. No noticed her unusual silence. Not even Michiru had heard the breaking of the pencil. Nor did she see the blood dripping from Haruka's right hand, dripping on her still empty exercise book.

_**- No, Haru-chan... not... -**_

_**- But... you are hurt and cold. I just want to help you. I want to hold you. I want to protect you. -**_

Still, Haruka could remember how hard it had been for her. She had never been able to say those three little words; those sentences had been the closest of a declaration of love she had been able to give Hikari. The red haired girl had known that too well and for a long time she had stared at Haruka in silence, holding her bleeding arm tight. Then, she had shook her head and turned around. Her sobbing had told Haruka that she was crying, but she had pushed her away - in total panic – when Haruka had tried to touch, to embrace her. To comfort her. To simply hold her tight.

_**- Don't... don't touch me. Don't touch my blood. Never. -**_

_**- Hey, Hika-chan, don't worry, I am not one of those guys. I'd never hurt you. Don't ya know? -**_

_**- Of course I know. That's why I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to poison you, too. -**_

Again, Haruka saw how Hikari turned around. Again, she looked into desperately sparkling eyes. Again, she felt the desire to take the smaller girl in her arms and to rock her. To tell her that everything would be okay – if they only believed in it. Hikari' next words destroyed every dream and broke her heart.

_**- I am HIV positive, Haru-chan. -**_

Again she saw before her inner eyes how Hikari wrapped her bleeding arm around her waist in a protective gesture.

_**- I have AIDS, Haru-chan. It's only a matter until I'll die. -**_

Haruka bit on her lower lip until it hurt terribly. She didn't want to scream. Not as loud as she had screamed that night. That she didn't want to believe Hikari. That she didn't want to lose her one and only friend. That she didn't want to lose the most important person in her life.

_In the end, I didn't lose her because of that infection. In the end, I lost her because I didn't take enough care for her. A wet summer, a wet dress and she got a pneumonia she didn't survive with her weak body. Weak because of all those bloody drugs, not because of that stupid illness..._

"Why aren't we talking about lesbian sex as well? I am pretty sure that Michiru can't wait to share her experiences with us, right?"

Michiru raised her head and rolled again her eyes.

"Can't you shut up? Just for once? I think Sakura-san leads a perfect discussion and I am pretty sure that I would only annoy you with any details." The young violinist took a deep breath and shook her head.

"But it must be different between girls. I mean, some specials pieces are missing," laughed Tamara provokingly. Michiru only took her ruler and underlined the heading.

_Hime-chan's operation._

_The search for the talismans._

_The question if Ruka's Sailor Uranus._

Michiru shook again her head.

_My life's chaos, I don't have any time for such stuff like love. I thought that Uranus would be my partner, but even if Ruka's my Uranus, she's not my partner. She's not like me..._

Michiru raised her head and gasped. She had listened so intensively to Sakura-san's words that she hadn't noticed Haruka's complete silence. The blonde hadn't asked one single question, although she was normally very curious about biological facts. Silently, she was sitting there, right next to Michiru. Her face was very pale, almost white. The pen in her hand was broken and now Michiru saw the blood on the white paper.

_What the hell..._

"Maybe Haruka can give us more details? She's living with you, because she's your cousin. But maybe she's more than just a far away realitives? Maybe..."

"Discuss_with_ us when you have something interesting to tell, otherwise shut up," interrupted Sakura-san her determinedly and her right eyebrow shook slightly. "I have no idea why you're always so aggressive towards Michiru-san. As I can't understand what you have against homosexuals. Are you afraid of something?" You shouldn't provoke Sakura-san. It was always unwise to rise her temper. The young teacher had seen a lot in her young life, surely one of her best friends was homosexual, as well. She didn't accept intolerance. Tamara swallowed, because you couldn't win against someone like her biology teacher.

"Ruka?" Michiru ignored the argument and leaned closer to her best friend. She tried to reach for the injured hand, to throw away the pen and to take care of the bleeding wound. Haruka, however, jerked away at the second her fingertips touched the ice cold skin of Haruka's hand.

_**- The doctors only gave me six more months. -**_

_**- But only if you don't change your life. -**_

_**- How shall I change my life? Huh? Tell me that, Haru-cahn! -**_

_**- Then let me walk this path with you. Let me be near you. Always. -**_

_**- Never! I won't steal your future. I am not worth your sacrifice! -**_

Hikari hadn't accepted Haruka's love. Not really. The tall blonde had tried to be around, to be with her, to help her the best she could. The best that had been possible in those circumstances. Just to realize that, no matter what she had tried, Hikari had died alone in the end. All alone...

_There's nothing like love. It's just an illusion!_

_And your feelings towards your daughter?_

_That's something different. She's my family._

_And your feelings towards Michiru?_

_Hm? Big warrior? What about Michi?_

_I won't risk it again. I don't want to lose again everyone who mattered to me!_

_Really? Are you so sure about this?_

_**- You don't have to call an ambulance. It's over. Just hold me, okay? I don't want to die all alone. Not as alone as I've lived. -**_

_I should have reacted earlier. I shouldn't have waited until the very last day. I've wasted so many chances in my life, I've wasted my entire life..._

_Do you want to carry on like this? Do you want to drown in your fucking self-pity? Do you want to waste the chance you'll get here?_

_What chance? HELL! WHAT CHANCE???_

At that moment Haruka felt the soft fingers on her skin. She winced hard and raised her hand. And looked into blue eyes. As deep as the sea. They were sparkling. A soft smile was on Michiru's face. On a worried face.

"Ruka?"

_**- Hey, little one... -**_

_**- I am positive, Haru-chan. -**_

_**- Just hold me, okay? -**_

_**- You'll like it... -**_

_**- I have AIDS. -**_

_**- Come with me, little boy... -**_

_**- I don't want to die all alone. -**_

_**- Not alone... -**_

Haruka withdrew her hand abruptly. Quickly, she glanced around and somehow it occurred to her as if everyone was looking at her. As if everyone was laughing about her. They all knew how bad she was... she had let her best friend die. She was responsible for her daughter's illness. She had let herself down, repeatedly...

At that moment she couldn't bear it any longer. Haruka jumped up with a sudden jerk and her chair slammed to the floor, loudly. Without looking again into all the surely grinning, sneering faces, Haruka left the class room in a hurry. The world spun around her, but she struggled against the dizziness in her head. She didn't know how she managed to stumble along the seemingly endless corridor, yet somehow she made it to the bathroom. She didn't have to look into the mirrors to see that she looked more like a ghost than a living human. Quickly, with trembling fingers, she opened one of the doors and went on her knees in front of the toilette. She retched a few times, until she was finally able to vomit the things she had had for breakfast.

_Do you know love?_

_Do you know REAL love?_

_**- I have AIDS... -**_

Haruka retched one last time and couldn't hold any longer on the toilette. Darkness waited at the rim of her eyes and she simply wanted to let go. She didn't want to see all this chaos any longer. She didn't want to feel all this pain. It was too much for her soul. Simply too much... The next moment she felt two arms embracing her tenderly. A wet towel cleaned her mouth, was folded and then put on her burning forehead.

"Shimatta! I should've known it. You're still too ill to go to school. Why didn't you listen to me?!" The voice above sounded shaky. As Haruka opened her eyes again she could see tears sparkling in eyes as deep as the ocean. An ocean she wanted to drown in. To be trapped in forever. With no chance of escape.

"Michi...?" Haruka's voice was suddenly hoarse and she felt incredibly tired. She had slept a lot the past week, but the flu had been very serious. Every excitement turned out to be still very exhausting. Lessons, of course, shouldn't have been so bad today: just a little bit math and biology, her most favourite subjects. If they would have carried on talking about genes, not about sexuality and AIDS...

"Everything alright, Ruka? Shall I call the nurse?" Michiru looked really concerned. Haruka gulped, because for her it was still something special that someone really cared for her.

"Hai. Just... just gimme some seconds..."

_And don't let me go back again to that lesson. Never again. It hurts too much._

Haruka closed her eyes and sighed slightly. Michiru watched her and gulped. Suddenly, she was reminded of the medicine Haruka took on a regular basis, but had never wanted to explain to her why she had to gulp the pills. Really explain. Again she heard Sakura-san's words, heard all the sentences of the discussion. From one second to the other it was clear for Michiru what was going on.

_You've never known what she has done before you met her._

_You convinced her to live with you and to search for the talismans. She didn't want to come, at first. You had to blackmail her with her daughter's operation._

_Right?_

_She didn't want to go to school, either. She didn't want to fight and she didn't want to go shopping..._

"Do you have AIDS?" asked Michiru silently and gulped. They had just discussed that topic, besides Tamara's silly questions about homosexuality, when Haruka suddenly leaped up and ran away. The tall blonde was taking those mysterious medicaments and always reacted so strange when Michiru touched her.

Haruka's eyes flew open. For some moments she looked up into Michiru's face. However, there was no hate. No disgust. Only concern and thousands of unanswered questions. It took Haruka some moments to realize that she was still lying in the rich girl's arms. That Michiru had even pulled her a little bit closer than to push her brusquely away. That she didn't seem to be scared of her. Or that at least her friendship had won over her fear.

For some seconds Haruka didn't know how to react. Therefore, she only laid in those soft arms and stared in Michiru's sparkling blue eyes.

"It's okay. But we have to tell Dr. Sugara-san, so that you'll get some special medicaments and a special therapy. Today it's not the end of the world. With the right way of life you can get very old, you know? And we have to tell Sissy and Elza. Don't worry, they won't hate you. It's just fair that they know..." said Michiru with a shaky voice.

_**- It's okay...-**_

Haruka gulped. She had expected every reaction, but not that. Too well she could remember the way she had reacted when Hikari had told her the truth. She had screamed, whereas Michiru tried to find solutions instead. She didn't push her away, but tried to help her.

_Maybe I should really tell her all this ugly stuff..._

Yet, Haruka was still hesitating and decided to open her heart later. All the memories hurt too much, but she knew that she wasn't able to live with them all alone. And Michiru was the only person she trusted enough to share some of them with.

_**- Don't worry, everything will be fine. -**_

Again she heard Michiru's tender voice when she had spoken to her during the long evening when she had simply ran away. When Michiru had given her the medicine against to help her fight against the flu raging in her weak body. When the beautiful girl had tried to calm her down, trying to reason her about Hotaru's chances after having read the doctor's terrible results. Michiru had tried to comfort her. As her best friend.

_- I'll take care of Hime-chan. She'll live. -_

Michiru, however, had not only taken care of little Hotaru; she had also taken care of Haruka.

_- It's okay... -_

_**Arigato, Michi.**_

Haruka gulped and blinked away her tears. One day she would be able to thank Michiru. In a way that was worthy of the young violinist. One day...

"... and we..."

Haruka raised her healthy hand and put it on Michiru's lips to quieten her helping words.

"I am not infected," she whispered and saw the relief in the sea green haired girl's eyes, but now she knew that Michiru would have accepted her even if she would have been that ill.

"My best friend had AIDS," explained Haruka silently after some moments of hesitation and tried to sit up. Michiru helped her and rested her hand on Haruka's shoulder. "She died over a year ago."

"I am sorry." Michiru squeezed carefully Haruka's shoulder. When Michiru said that she was sorry, she meant it. You could sense her own sadness in her voice. There was no obligation to her condolences. She said the, because she meant them and not because she felt she ought to say them. It was a sentence that came from the depths of her heart. "This discussion reminded you of her, didn't it?"

Haruka nodded.

"Are you able to stand up, Ruka? The teacher won't kill us if we'll miss the lessons today. I'll take us home. If you want you can tell me more about your friend, okay?"

Haruka had already told Michiru that her best friend had died. However, she hadn't known that this best friend had had AIDS. Still, Michiru didn't know the circumstances. She didn't know whether Haruka would tell her anything more about her friend now or not, but if Haruka would need her, she would be there.

"Let's go home."

_Home..._

Haruka nodded and took the soft hand Michiru offered her.

_Home. That sounds so fantastic._

_I wish it were more than just a dream. I wish it so badly..._

dbdbdb

"_Goodnight, my angel_

_Time to close your eyes."_

Michiru sang the little lullaby she had written during the last night with a tender voice. Hotaru watched her and smiled happily. And yawed a yawn that was almost as big as her entire face. Tiredly, she blinked and held Michiru's fingers tighter. The young woman leaned over her cradle and sang silently. It was late in the afternoon and today it was her task to baby sit little Hotaru. Elza was still training with her athletics club, Haruka wrote the math test she had missed on Monday and Setsuna had a meeting with a boss of her firm. Therefore, Michiru cancelled her rehearsal to take care of Hotaru. At first, her conductor had been very shocked, but after she had explained to him that she would still come to the concerts and to most of the rehearsals, he agreed, though reluctantly. She was his best violinist, after all, he wouldn't let her down. He was not stupid!

Today was Thursday. Haruka had stayed at home for another day and since they didn't have biology on Wednesday or Thursday she was feeling fine. Michiru had decided to go to Sakura-san and to talk to her. The biology teacher was very understanding and maybe she could change her curriculum a little bit that even Haruka would like them and not only sit there and think of her dead friend.

_She didn't tell me anything more..._

Michiru sighed slightly and continued to sing as Hotaru made a disturbed face in her dreams.

"_And still so many things I want to say_

_Remember all the songs you sang for me_

_When we went sailing on an emerald bay..."_

Michiru knew that it was very hard for Haruka to talk about something personal, especially her past. Still, Michiru didn't know anything about it, however, she had seen where Haruka had lived. She knew that her best friend was only eighteen and had already given birth to a cute little girl. There must have been a lot going wrong in Haruka's life before she had met Michiru, but the young violinist didn't want to intrude herself on Haruka if the blonde wasn't prepared. Michiru also she didn't want to know all this stuff to judge Haruka. Michiru had her own dark times, she understood a lot. She would never ever dare to judge other people. She merely wanted to be there for Haruka. So badly she wanted to know what was going on in the blonde's head when dark green eyes were staring so sadly at the wall or the blackboard.

_Maybe I should tell her all this stupid stuff I've experienced?_

_Maybe not?_

"_And like a boat out on the ocean_

_I'm rocking you to sleep_

_The water's dark_

_And deep inside this ancient heart_

_You'll always be a part of me."_

Michiru bowed over Hotaru and kissed her carefully. Then, she corrected the blanket and put a plush dolphin into small child's hands. Still, Hotaru's cradle stood in Haruka's room. Michiru wanted her to be near when she cleaned Haruka's bathroom. She knew that Haruka was not very good in such things, therefore she decided to take care of that while Haruka had to write her math test. Michiru herself could convince their teacher that this grade wasn't that important for her and she was still astonished that he believed her.

_Guess he'll send me to a concert instead._

Michiru who had already changed her clothes, took the empty bucket and wanted to go over to the bathroom when she saw Haruka's pullover lying on the ground. The young violinist had to smile as she bowed and picked it up to put into the wardrobe. Haruka wasn't very keen in tidying up her room, but she did her best. Carefully, Michiru put the dark green pullover on the shelf and hesitated. On bottom of the wardrobe was a little box she had never seen before. For a few moments, she hesitated, but then she bowed and opened it. For a long time she stared at the photos and fought with herself.

_That's her privacy. You shouldn't look at it!_

_Why not? She's never telling me anything voluntarily. I have to sneak around... hey, I am NOT sneaking around. I am tidying up._

_Sure you are._

_But..._

_Then open it and take a look at it. No one's here to stop you, right?_

_Right._

Satisfied that she had been able to defeat her conscience, Michiru sat down on the ground next to the cradle and brought the cardboard on her lap. With a throbbing heart, she opened it and looked at all the photos. On first impulse, she wanted to look at all of them at once, but then she decided to be more patient and took one after the other one in her hands. Some of them were very old and very yellowed. There were even some white and black photos. They showed a little baby. Lying on a small bed and laughing happily.

_Hime-chan?_

Michiru frowned, but then she saw that this baby didn't have dark hair. Its hair was lighter on the black and white photo.

_That's Ruka? As child? How kawaii!_

Michiru smiled and stroked tenderly the baby's face on the photo. For a long while she stared at it before she put it carefully away. On the next photo Haruka was a little bit older. Maybe three, maybe four years. She ran through a garden and a clumsy puppy followed her. They both looked very happy. Michiru swallowed as she took the next picture. It showed a happy family. A beautiful young woman with long, blonde hair and a happy laughing man. He held a little girl in his strong arms. Haruka was wearing a costume on that photo. She looked a little bit like a cowboy.

_Surely Halloween._

This photo was coloured. Haruka's mother was dressed up as an angel. Her wings looked a little bit crumbled, but the halo was great: golden, fitting to her hair. Her father looked more like Dracula, but with his wide grin he simply couldn't be scaring.

_Her family. So lovely parents..._

Michiru turned around and looked at Hotaru. Knowing that she was Haruka's only family now. The rich girl couldn't remember Haruka telling her that her parents were dead, but she knew for sure that the blonde would never see them again.

_She looked so happy on that picture..._

Michiru took a deep breath and looked at the next photo. There they were all in a park. The cherry blossoms flew through the air and Haruka's mother was wearing a kimono. Just like her father wore a yukata. Haruka's clothes had been once a kimono, as well, but they were dirtied and a little bit torn. Her hair was messed and surely she almost knocked over her mother as she jumped into her arms only seconds before the photographer had taken the picture. Her father was again laughing on the picture.

Such a happy family...

This photo was the most yellowed. One corner was missing and it looked as if it had gotten wet more over the years. More than just once. Michiru looked at the laughing child in her mother's arms, then she saw again Haruka standing in front of the car repair shop. When she had lost her job. When she had looked alone. And lost.

_What happened?_

_What happened that such a happy, cute child becomes such a desperate, sad young woman?_

Michiru took the next photo and gasped for breath. It showed a thin Haruka. No, not thin, but skinny. She looked more like a skeleton than a living human. There were deep rings under her eyes. Her hair was wet and she seemed to have been very cold on that picture. She tried to smile into the camera, but her eyes were empty. Almost dead. There was someone sitting next to her, but Michiru couldn't see the person, because the photo ended on Haruka's shoulder. On the next photo Michiru was more lucky. There was another person looking over Haruka's shoulder. Red hair looked the same dirty as blond hair. The taller girl's eyes were as empty as Haruka's. She had put her arms around the skinny blonde. They both smiled, but for Michiru their expressions didn't resemble happy smiles. They looked more like an evidence. Like a photo to prove that they had lived.

_Who's that, Ruka?_

_Is that your friend who died, because she had been so ill?_

Michiru gulped and suddenly started to shiver.

_Why didn't we meet earlier? Why haven't I met you before you had to look so ill? Why haven't I been able to help you earlier?_

Michiru reached for the next picture. It showed even more sadness, but at the same time it was the most beautiful picture the rich girl had seen so far. Again, she could see Haruka. The blonde was sitting on a bed, certainly a hospital bed. The blankets were white and Haruka was wearing a white nightdress. She had lifted it a little bit and showed proudly her grown belly into the camera. Her right hand laid on her skin, surely feeling Hotaru kicking inside her belly. Her smile was small, but her eyes sparkled. Suddenly Michiru knew that Haruka was all alone. That there was no boyfriend around, no becoming father who would visit her. There were no proud grandparents who wanted to visit their daughter. There was no one, only Haruka and her unborn child. Yet, even though that loneliness seemed to dominate the picture, Haruka's eyes were full of life. Full of love. Her cheeks were slightly redden.

_Why did you disappear that evening after you've saved me?_

_Why did you have to run away after I've found out that you were pregnant?_

_I would have visited you._

_I would have cared for you – for the both of you._

_Didn't you know that?_

Michiru, however, knew that Haruka didn't. Most possibly, she didn't even know it yet. And Michiru didn't know how to say those words, without scaring Haruka away.

The young violinist raised her head and looked at little Hotaru sleeping next to her in her cradle.

"_I promised I would never leave you_

_And you should always know_

_Wherever you may go_

_No matter where you are_

_I never will be far away..."_

Softly, Michiru continued to sing some more lines about the lullaby she had written especially for this little girl. For Hime-chan who had conquered her heart within a couple of seconds. Just like her young mommy...

"_No matter where you are_

_I never will be far away..."_

Michiru wanted so badly to be there for them: for Hotaru and for Haruka. Forever. Yet, she didn't know if Haruka would understand her. Certainly she liked boys more than girls; she had a daughter, for Christ's sake! On the other hand, would she accept her friendship instead? A never ending friendship? After she had forced her to be Sailor Uranus? A person she obviously wasn't? Would she stay once Hotaru would be healthy and strong again? Or would she simply leave?

_Leaving me alone..._

_Taking Hime-chan away..._

Michiru scolded herself for her stupidity. Firstly, she had to take care of Hime-chan and the heart operation. Up to today they didn't find the right heart for her. Dr. Sagura-san was searching and he was a very, very good doctor. However, with every day that passed he looked more and more concerned at little Hotaru and her hard breathing. It was more and more difficult for the little girl to breathe and sometimes Michiru woke up in the morning and feared that Hotaru wouldn't open her eyes again.

_First, Himme-chan has to recover, then we can take care of the other problems..._

Michiru put the photos away and leaned again over the cradle. To take the sleeping baby in her arms and to rock her gently. At that moment the door bell rang.

_Nani? At this time?_

Michiru checked her watch, but it was too early. Haruka's test wouldn't be over before five in the afternoon. Right now, it was not even half past four. And Setsuna wanted to fetch her up, so it couldn't be the computer specialist, searching for her forgotten keys in vain. Michiru quickly looked into the mirror to correct her hair. She didn't want to scare away any visitor. With a last glance at a still peacefully sleeping Hotaru she left Haruka's room and went downstairs.

"Hello?" She opened the door and looked questioningly at the young woman. She was twenty-five, maybe twenty-six years old. She wore blue jeans and a white pullover. A soft looking pullover. Her dark hair was braided on her back and she used so little make up that you hardly saw it. Her smile was nervous, but Michiru liked her at the instant, no matter who this young woman was.

"Hello. I am Miyamoto Kajusa," she introduced herself and bowed slightly. "I am not sure if I am at the right address..." she studied the sheet in her hands and then looked doubtfully at the big entrance door and Michiru's car parked in front of the huge house.

"Well, it's the only house in this area. May I help you?" Michiru opened the door a little bit wider. She was sure that this woman wasn't a criminal. She looked too friendly and a little bit too shy to be rude and ignorant. Besides, Orpheus was Michiru's secret weapon. Right now the big dog was sleeping on Haruka's bed, protecting little Hotaru. However, one scream and he would be right by her side and defend her with all his teeth.

"Do you want to come in? Can I make you a tea?"

"That'd be nice..."

"I am Michiru Meioh," introduced Michiru herself and bowed in return. "What or whom are you looking for, Mjyamoto-san? As I told you, there's no big neighbourhood in this area."

"Well..." the young woman stroked her braid again on her back and looked uncertainly around. Silently, she admired the huge paintings on the walls and recognized the expensive furniture and the big kitchen. "To be honest, I am looking for a Tenô Haruka. But I am sure that this information had been wrong. Surely I have to search for her in another part of Tokyo."

Michiru frowned while she took care of the kettle and the water.

"Ruka... I mean, Haruka lives here, Mjyamoto-san. Your information had been right." Michiru turned around to serve some biscuits and a little bit of the cake Setsuna had brought home from her last trip, and frowned as she saw the confusion in a now pale face. The young woman glanced again around as if she had problems combining this obviously noble house with Haruka.

"Are you a friend of her?" asked Michiru, biscuits still holding in her hand.

"You could call it this way," the young woman sighed deeply, shook her head and put the sheet in a defeated manner away. "Where's she?" Miyamoto-san thanked Michiru as she gave her the tea and took a small biscuit. She didn't look very hungry. She looked more nervous than anything else. "I've searched now for over two months for her, but she seemed to have disappeared."

Michiru searched for the sugar and groaned loudly.

"That's my fault. I simply cancelled her old flat and didn't tell the owner where she moved to. That guy was so damn unfriendly, he couldn't get his money quickly enough to kick me out. So I didn't tell more to him than necessary. Guess I've been so angry that I simply forgot..." She shrugged her shoulders and made a sheepish face.

"Haruka moved in this house?" The young woman looked again around in the kitchen and Michiru blushed slightly as she was reminded that she had taken the most expensive kitchen the firm had offered, only because the microwave oven had been so easy to handle and the wood had looked so nicely. Certainly, Mjyamoto-san was an old friend of Haruka and knew the way Haruka had lived in her small flat. Certainly, she asked herself right now how Haruka had managed to come to such an obviously rich friend.

_Why didn't Ruka tell me that she had other friends than this dead girl?_

_She doesn't have to be ashamed of them! She could have invited her earlier. Poor woman, she's searched her every where. Surely, it was not very easy for her to find her. She must be a real friend that she has searched for so long. Over two months..._

"Hai. It was the least I could do for her after she's saved my life." Michiru had decided to tell everyone this part of the story. She was too ashamed of herself that she blackmailed Haruka to come with her, therefore, she had told Setsuna and Elza that she did took Haruka and her daughter in, because the blonde had saved her life when those bad guys had attacked her. "Some bad guys tried to rob me and maybe they would have even done worse, but Haruka was there and saved me. We became friends. And after I got to know the way she lived, I offered her to live here."

Still, Mjyamoto-san looked very doubtful.

_Don't be angry. Haruka has been the same sceptical during the first weeks! But if she's one of Ruka's friends, she's one of my friends, as well._

"Where's Haruka right now?"

"She's at school. She caught a flu last week and now she has to write a math test she couldn't write because of her illness." Michiru looked quickly at the clock at the wall. "But she'll be home in about twenty minutes. My sister will catch her from school. You can wait for her if you want."

"That's very nice of you, Meioh-san," the young woman took herself a second biscuit and stared thoughtfully at it. "She's going to school again? Really?"

"Hai. At first, she wanted to search for a new job, but I convinced her that she'll never get a proper job if she doesn't finish school. Still she's young enough to go to a normal school without everyone pointing at her. She's not very good in foreign languages, but she loves maths and biology. It won't be the best report, but I am sure that she'll pass the exams and finish school next summer." Michiru smiled proudly and took some more sugar in her tea.

"Living here, having no job, going to school... it all costs money," asked Miyamoto-san doubtfully and very directly. Michiru frowned, but then gulped her question. Some people were that direct. Certainly, she was only concerned about her friend she had searched for over two long months.

"That's okay. I'll pay that for her. I have enough of that golden stuff," she shrugged her shoulders and offered the young woman another tea.

"No, thank you. One's enough for me. You are doing this only because she's saved you?" It sounded still very, very sceptical.

"Of course. Haruka's my best friend now."

It was the truth. Michiru had to blackmail Haruka to come with her, but deep inside she had always known that she wasn't doing all this just because of their mission. Okay, it was their task to find the talismans and to save the world, but she would do all these things again for Haruka, even if she weren't Sailor Uranus. Yes, they needed Uranus to find the talismans, but Michiru helped Haruka because she liked Haruka. The same she loved Hotaru. She wanted them both to be happy, no matter if they could help them with their mission or not.

"That's amazing. Would be the first time that Haruka has a little bit luck in her life." Mjyamoto-san crossed her hands on the table. "Did she tell you everything about her past, Meioh-san?"

_No, and that's not necessary. I want her to trust me. Then she can tell me about her parents, her dead friend and her pregnancy. But only then. I'll be there for her. I hope she knows that._

"Did she tell you what has happened during the past two years?" Mjyamoto-san looked suddenly very serious. As if that information would be very important.

"No. It doesn't matter to me who she has been. For me it's important who she is now. And she's my best friend," answered Michiru and was sure that the young woman was even more confused. However, before Mjyamoto-san could reply anything, Hotaru woke up and started to whimper upstairs. Certainly, a normal person wouldn't have noticed the silent voice, but Michiru had lived the past two months with that little girl.

"Please excuse me, but Hime-chan's awake. Surely, she wants something to eat." Michiru took the prepared bottle out of the warm water and went upstairs. The young woman grabbed her handbag and followed her, stroking again her braid on her back.

For a moment she stopped near the door and watched Michiru taking the little girl out of the cradle and sitting down on Haruka's bed. Next to Orpheus who only opened his eyes a little bit, then kept snoring.

"Hotaru..." whispered Mjyamoto-san thoughtfully and observed the cradle. "It's a very nice one," she whispered and looked at all the toys lying in and around it. A smile formed on her lips as she saw the rocking horse standing in the corner. Michiru quickly glanced up and had to grin guiltily.

"That's my sister's fault. She's very crazy about Hime-chan. She knows that she's too small to use the rocking horse, but she had to buy it. Just like almost all of the plush animals." Michiru held the bottle a little bit higher and watched Hotaru drinking her milk. It got harder and harder for the little girl with every day. Michiru spent many sleepless nights, praying to the gods that they would find a new heart soon. In time! Yet, until now it seemed as if no god had heard her.

Mjyamoto-san stepped closer and watched the baby drink. Then she coughed and crossed her hands before her belly.

"How's Hotaru feeling?"

"Fine right now."

"Haruka told you about her illness, didn't she?"

"Hai." Michiru smiled at little Hotaru and held the bottle again a little bit higher. "Since over three weeks we've been going to see our doctor every day. He's a good friend of my family and the best heart surgeon in Japan. As soon as possible, Hime-chan will be operated. I hope she'll be healthy, then. That she'll grow up to be a cheeky little girl."

"She's all Haruka has. She's her greatest treasure," whispered the young woman and her voice was husky. Michiru didn't have to look up to know that Mjyamoto-san was fighting with her tears.

"Hai. And I'll do everything to let Hime-chan grow up and to dance on Haruka's nerves."

"Really?"

Michiru let little Hotaru make her burp and held her simply tight.

_She must really be a good friend. She's really concerned about Ruka. Otherwise, she wouldn't ask me such direct questions. Me, a total stranger._

"Of course."

"Such an operation is very expensive. Haruka doesn't have an insurance."

"I'd give up everything to save her." Michiru rocked Hotaru tenderly. "She's my goddaughter. I love her."

Mjyamoto-san watched her for a long while closely, silently. Then, she nodded.

"You mean it, don't you? Guess you're the best that could happen to Haruka. Alone, she would have never been able to pay an operation. No matter how hard she would have worked."

_She really knows a lot about her. Why didn't Haruka mention her name? Why didn't she try to call her up?_

However, before she could ask, she heard the entrance door opening. Two voices filled the silence. Two voices Michiru knew too well.

"Oh... and YOU want to tell me how to make a computer programme?"

"No. But I know that your numbers are wrong. Sissy, look at it this way... here you have a nine and there a four. That's wrong. That can't work perfectly."

Michiru smiled. During the first weeks, Haruka had had her troubles, but slowly she started to accept the nicknames and even used them. The front door was closed and the two women went over to the kitchen.

"Okay, I'll take a look at it, you math-genius."

"Are you jealous?"

"No. Then I would have to go to school again."

"That was not very nice."

"I know."

They both giggled and Setsuna seemed to fight with the coffee machine. As always. Michiru held little Hotaru a little bit tighter and went downstairs. Mjyamoto-san followed her.

"Why didn't Elza come with us? Don't tell me that she has even more training to attend to." Setsuna's voice was concerned and Michiru asked herself for another time if there was something wrong with the red haired girl. Okay, she had a lot of training, but she wasn't even around on the weekends. During Saturday and Sundays when she normally had time and used it to watch TV in their living room and to drive Setsuna crazy.

"She said something about a concert and that she wants to go there together with her team."

"A concert? In the middle of the week?"

"Dunno."

"Well... great..." Setsuna sighed and searched for the sugar, just to find it on the table, right next to two empty tea cups, a bowl with biscuits and the leftovers of her cake. She frowned, but then she saw Michiru standing at the door. Together with a friendly looking woman. "Hello Michi. Who's our guest?"

At that moment Haruka looked up from the sheet in her hands and her mouth literally dropped.

"Hello Haruka. I've searched for a long time for you. You know that you should normally come to see me once a week, don't you?"

Still, Haruka didn't respond anything and Michiru believed to see panic growing in her dark green eyes. She didn't seem to be as happy as Michiru had expected. Not as happy as Michiru would have been to see an old friend again.

"I had a lot of trouble to convince them not to call the police."

"The police?" asked Michiru terrified, holding Hotaru a little bit tighter.

_She's not a robber. She can't be a criminal. _

"Them?" echoed Setsuna and almost missed her mug. She cursed as some coffee dirtied her expensive costume.

"Who the hell are you?" Michiru stepped protectively between Haruka and the strange woman and rocked Hotaru who yawned and looked tiredly around. "I thought you're a friend of her."

"She's my social worker," answered Haruka and Michiru spun around to stare into a suddenly very, very tired looking face. "In the beginning, I simply forgot my appointments. I mean, going to school again and all this stuff, I simply didn't think about Mjyamoto-san any longer. Then..." Haruka searched for words, but Michiru understood her. Certainly, it had been too embarrassing for her to admit that she got money from the state to get by. That they controlled her that she was nice to her child.

_Did they want to take Hime-chan away from her?_

_Is that the reason why I had to give her money to get the chance to talk to her, because she preferred to search for a new job instead?_

"Once a week..." Setsuna opened her laptop case and searched for her diary. Thoughtfully, she flipped through it. "Hm... maybe Wednesday... but not before three in the afternoon due to her schedule. The other days could be a little bit difficult, because Elza has training, Michi rehearsals and Haruka has her private lessons in English. Don't make such a face, I've learned English, so you're able to learn it, too." Setsuna didn't look even up. "Consequently, Wednesday is the only day when I could most certainly drive her to her appointments."

Michiru could have kissed her sister at that comment. Setsuna didn't show any of the shock she surely felt right now. She didn't say a word about Haruka needing a social worker and about her duty to see Mjyamoto-san weekly. Setsuna merely tried to solve this problem, just like she would have solved any other problem regarding her little sister or Elza.

"Oh, I don't think that's necessary any longer. Once a month, around the first, I'd like to see you, Haruka, but weekly's too often with your school and your homework. I am pretty sure that everything's fine now." Mjyamoto-san looked from Michiru who held Haruka's daughter lovingly tight to Setsuna who had stepped next to Haruka and held her diary a little bit like a weapon.

"Can I talk to you on my own?" Mjyamoto-san stroked her braid on her back and smiled understanding. "Don't worry, I won't grill her."

Setsuna and Michiru laughed an unsure laughter and went over to the living room, closing the door behind them. A door that was normally never closed.

"Okay. I'll try to think of the future appointment, alright?" Haruka leaned back on her chair and watched the young woman sitting down opposite to her. The only person who had believed in her half a year ago. There were not many social worker around who really cared for their charge. Mjyamoto-san was one of them. She fought so long until Haruka got a flat, an own job and was allowed because of those facts to keep her daughter.

"I am happy that I've found you here, Haruka. With those nice people who really like you and who want to help you. Michiru-san has told me a lot about your plans for the future and about Hotaru's operation. I am happy that everything looks so fine. I feared worse..." Miyamoto-san sighed slightly and opened her handbag. She put a folder outside and handled it Haruka.

"Read it if you want, then destroy it. It's not necessary any longer. And I hope that I'll never have to use it in my life. Do you understand me, Haruka?"

The tall blonde opened the folder and read the first lines. Then she became suddenly very pale and her hands started to shake.

"That's not your seriousness, isn't it?" she whispered and took a deep breath.

"It's not my decision, you know that. You've lost your job, you terminated up your flat; we've feared the worst. A homeless person can't take care of a small child. Especially not of such an ill child." Mjyamoto-san served herself another biscuit and chewed slowly. "But now I don't have to worry any more. You found a nice new home, Haruka. Those people obviously like you. It looks that you did not only save Michiru-san's life, but also your own by defending her against rude men as she has told me." The young woman finished the biscuit and rose. She came over to Haruka and put her hand friendly on her shoulder.

"Use your chance, Haruka. Go to school, do your exams. Take care of your daughter. I wish her and you all the best." Mjyamoto-san looked very serious. "And don't do the same mistake again. Your friends really like you. Don't disappoint them."

"Don't worry, I've learned my lesson," whispered Haruka, slowly closing the folder.

"That's good. Then we'll see each other next month."

"Hai."

Mjyamoto-san nodded and left the kitchen. Haruka could hear her talking to Michiru and Setsuna for some more minutes. Then, there was silence. Haruka's legs trembled as she finally managed to stand up. Her hands shook as she threw the folder into the dustbin.

They wanted to take her away from me.

They wanted to take Hime-chan away from me...

She swallowed hard and opened the door. Setsuna wasn't there. Probably, she said goodbye to the social worker. Michiru sat on the couch, cradling Hotaru in her arms.

"May I hold her?" was all Haruka managed to say. Michiru raised her head, but didn't ask as she saw the fear on the tall blonde's face. She nodded and handled the almost sleeping baby to her mother. Hime-chan only yawned and felt safe and secure in her mommy's arms. She didn't know what was going on in the world. She didn't know what a social worker meant. She didn't know what it meant to be taken away from her mommy and to be put into an orphanage. All she had experienced in her small life was her mother's unconditional love. Just like she felt it this time again. In soft, warm arms. Hearing a hummed melody nearby. Of a song she got to know just this afternoon, but she already liked a lot.

"_No matter where you are_

_I never will be far away..."_

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**Author's corner:**

Thank you all again for another week full of nice reviews. I noticed that many of you asked me when Haruka will transform into Sailor Uranus. I didn't realize that her transformation was so urgent, because right now they have more important matters at hand: Hotaru's operation. Sailor Uranus will have her appearance in this story, don't worry, but I guess you need to be patient for a little while longer.

I hope the last 20 pages have finally answered some of your questions concerning Haruka's health.

Tigonookami: Please review when logged in or give me your email address, because I'd really like to answer your reviews since you often have so many questions and ideas, however, I won't do it here because that would be unfair for the other reviewers – and won't allow me to write so much things besides the story, anway. Thanks.

Did anyone notice how much I enjoy writing those little sneak-previews every week? – _laughs_ -

Next update:

Elza finally finds enough courage to show her "Sissy" how she feels. Hotaru is very quiet in her cradle. Michiru despairs and this time, Haruka shows some long forgotten strength.


	10. Chapter 4: Living on the edge 2

The music was incredibly loud. Setsuna made a face when the smoke welcomed her. She didn't like such concerts, she had never been to the disco. It was simply too loud for her, and when she looked around, she saw that she was indeed totally wrong at place. Still, she wore her costume: her short dark skirt and a white, long blouse. She didn't change after Haruka's social worker had left, but cared for her computer and drove to central Tokyo to search in every night club for Elza. Okay, the girl had wanted to come to one of those clubs together with her team, but Setsuna had a bad feeling. Elza had reacted so strange during the past week and normally she would never go to such a concert so shortly before her important competitions. Setsuna wanted to talk to her, and to take her home. Elza needed her sleep. "Hey, babe..."

"Oh, for heaven's sake!" Setsuna pushed the drunken guy aside and tried to make her way through he mass. It was now shortly before midnight and already the fifth night club she had visited - and the tenth guy who tried to hit on him. She had no time for them. And even if she would have had nothing else to do for the rest of the night, she would have preferred the conversation of a black computer screen instead of talking to one of those men.

The music became even louder and she groaned as her headache increased. Maybe the music was fine, but she preferred classical Japanese music. No matter how much Elza teased her around, she liked nice, silent music more than loud drums and screaming people, singing not about love, but about bad days. Setsuna liked soft male voices singing about the love of their lives simply more. She was a romantic person; she couldn't change that.

_Shimatta! She's not here, either. Again the wrong club!_

Setsuna cursed silently and wanted to turn around to leave this chaos as soon as possible when she saw the shadow of a girl. A girl with short, red hair. A girl who only wore a short, very short summer dress.

_Is she crazy?_

_It's almost winter!_

Well, it was very hot inside the club, but Elza would catch the cold of her life if she would walk outside like this. It took Setsuna three desperate attempts to get through to her over the last ten meters. Upon arriving, she grabbed Elza's arm determinedly. The girl, who jumped more or less to the rhythm of the music, winced wildly and jerked around.

"Shetshuna?"

Elza's question was enough to tell Setsuna that the smaller girl was dead drunk. She couldn't see her eyes in the shadows of the club, but she could see how much the red haired girl reeled as she tried to pull her towards the exit door.

"Are you nuts?" yelled Setsuna against the loud music and looked around for Elza's friends. However, there was no one Setsuna knew from the sport's team. Nor did she find any other belonging of her smaller friend. Elza didn't seem to have a jacket nor a handbag. Nothing at all.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" The tall woman stripped her jacket and hang it around Elza's shoulders. The red haired girl wanted to protest, but she had no chance. The next moment they stood outside the club and Elza started terribly to tremble. Her dress was even shorter than Setsuna had thought in the dancing mass and it was wet. Elza's hair was sweaty, as well.

"You should know better than going to a concert. In the middle of the night! In such a dress!"

"Ishn't it shexy?" whispered Elza and stumbled. She would have fallen down if Setsuna hadn't held her back.

"It's unsuitable for winter." Setsuna looked directly into Elza's eyes. They were blurred and a strange grin appeared on her blushed face. "And it's surely unsuitable for you!" Setsuna didn't wait for Elza's reaction, instead, she pulled her with her towards her car. She simply pushed her on the front-passenger seat and cared for the seat belt.

"But the concert ishn't oo... oov... whatever."

"For you it's long over!" snapped Setsuna angrily and seated herself behind the steering wheel. She speeded up a little bit more quickly than normal and glanced a little bit more than normal over to Elza. The girl sat there and giggled without pause.

"How many drinks did you have?"

"Shixs or sheven or sho..." giggled Elza. The whole situation seemed to be unbelievingly funny for her. "Whyshkish."

"Whiskeys? Six or seven? Goodness!" Setsuna braked a little bit harder and Elza giggled even louder. The red sign of the traffic light seemed to be the funniest thing she'd ever seen in her life. "If you throw up in my car, you'll have to wash it tomorrow all afternoon when you come home from your training. If you'll survive your hangover. I hope I've made my point clear."

"Don't worry..." laughed Elza and shook her head, wet strands pasted to her forehead. "I won't ruin your car-baby."

"It's not my car-baby!"

"But you gave him a name."

"And?"

"You named your car Leonardo. Whahahahaha!!! Leonardo. That'sh shuch a shtupid name!"

"It isn't!"

"Hope you won't call your shildren not the shame. That would be a shame." Elza frowned, because same and shame sounded somehow the same and somehow strange, but then she thought again over the joke she'd just made and had to laugh even louder.

Setsuna braked again at a red traffic light and turned angrily towards Elza.

"Why the hell are you doing this? Why the hell do you have to go to a club like this in an outfit like this and drink like an alcoholic? And to insult me! Hai, my car's name is Leonardo. I simply like that name. And it's not a shame if my children will have such old European names one day, too. If I'll ever have children!" snapped Setsuna angrily, but all that greeted her back was even more maniac laugher.

"Leonardo... whahahahahaha!!!!"

_Elza-chan, why did you do all this?_

_Why?_

_Your team wasn't around and I am sure that your team would never go to such a concert so shortly before the competition. What the hell did you do there?_

However, Elza didn't look as if she would give her an answer. Not yet. And the way she looked maybe never. Maybe she wouldn't remember all this stuff tomorrow.

Setsuna made a depressed face as she speeded again when the traffic light turned to green. Elza sat right beside her and laughed about anything they saw on their way home.

Setsuna had never thought that a street light could ever be so funny. Just like the Tokyo Tower and a dog crossing the road. Elza laughed like a maniac while Setsuna got more and more angry.

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Elza's nursemaid was nowhere to be found, therefore, Setsuna decided to take care of Elza on her own. What meant to sustain the crazy giggle for the rest of the night. Setsuna's laptop computer was in the trunk of her car. She wouldn't leave Elza alone in her state. Not that she fell down in her drunkenness and hurt herself. No matter how angry Setsuna was, she was still concerned about her best friend. Since she could remember Elza had been around. She was her parent's best friend's daughter. An always laughing, always happy girl who had never mourned that she had no parents. The prouder she had been about her active grandparents. Most of the time she had spent at Setsuna's house anyway. However, she had never done something like this before. It was so unlike Elza. She didn't need alcohol to be crazy, to be funny, to be happy.

_What has happened?_

"I didn't tidy up..." slurred Elza and reeled. Setsuna grabbed her right arm and held her back from falling down on her school folders. Elza only reached for her teddy bear, showed it to her best friend, made a deep sound and started again to giggle.

"I am the big bad bear..." she laughed and sat down on the couch. Setsuna sighed deeply and glanced quickly at the short dress that was wet from Elza's sweat. The smaller girl trembled. Certainly, she froze like hell.

"Best you'll take a nice hot shower before you'll catch a could," she said, bowed and stripped Elza's shoes. Her feet were ice cold and Setsuna was sure that her body was as cold as her toes. "Is it so funny to get drunk and to freeze like this?"

Elza's only answer was another low growl and another crazy giggle.

"Looks like," sighed Setsuna and helped Elza out of her red dress to put it into the washing bag for Elza's nursemaid to clean it the other day.

"Fantashtic," laughed Elza and laid back on her bed. "I've never thought that you'd shtripp me one day," she held the teddy bear tighter before her chest and her grin seemed to go from one ear to the other

"Even drunken you're the same joker." Setsuna shook her head, then she searched in Elza's wardrobes for a long towel. A warm towel.

_Without Mary she would choke in her own mess._

Setsuna shook her head and returned to the bed. Elza still played with her teddy bear and Setsuna blushed deeply as she saw how the plush animal hobbled over a slim belly and two breasts hidden behind a red bra that only consisted of two or three strings.

"Common, little one. Let's get you under the shower."

"Do you wanna join me?"

"Don't joke around, little one. You need to get warm again or you'll catch a cold as bad as the one Haruka had only a week ago."

"Hm... why don't you come here and keep me warm?" blinked Elza and put the teddy bear away.

_She's drunken._

_She doesn't know what she's doing._

Setsuna blushed even more and grabbed Elza's hand to pull her out of the bed and under a nice warm shower. Yet, instead of pulling Elza out, Setsuna was suddenly pulled in. The next moment she was on the bed. She tried to defend herself, but Elza didn't let her go. Suddenly, the smaller girl laid across her and held her hands tight.

_Didn't know that she's so strong._

Setsuna gulped as she looked into sparkling eyes. They were a little bit blurred, but nevertheless shinning. The tall woman was the senshi of time. She was not powerless. Elza, on the other side, was the best in almost every kind of sport. Only Michiru could beat her in the swimming pool. She was very slim, but had a lot of muscles. You couldn't see them, but you could feel them if she wanted to achieve something.

"Stop joking or you'll get ill," tried Setsuna to convince her, but Elza only grinned. Her wet hair hang over her ears and suddenly she looked very wild.

"I am not joking, remember that," whispered Elza and held Setsuna's hands even tighter. As if she was afraid that the taller woman would stand up and simply walk away.

"Oh, you aren't joking? And what had been so funny all the time in the car? And now? Elza?" Setsuna gulped as Elza bowed down to her. She could smell the alcohol as their noses almost touched. "Elza, leave it. Let me go. Please, little one."

"What's up to you, Sissy? Are you scared?" grinned Elza and came even nearer. Setsuna tried to get away, but it was senseless.

"Elza, please! That's no fun any more!"

"It had never been fun, didn't you notice?"

_Nani?_

Setsuna's eyes grew wide as she felt soft lips on her own. At the first moment, she tasted the whiskey Elza seemed to have drowned in this evening. Yet, it seemed to have been less than she had claimed, because soon the bitter taste disappeared. Suddenly, Elza's lips tasted sweet.

_What the hell..._

Setsuna wanted to defend herself. She wanted to end this torture. This joke that wasn't one. Not for her. Maybe Elza was that drunk that to kiss her best friend seemed right now to be the best idea she had ever had. For Setsuna, however, it was only humiliating. It was like tasting a delicious cake she would never be able to eat.

_Why..._

The taller girl wanted to shout at her. To stop this crazy thing, but the next moments her warning thoughts disappeared. Helplessly, she opened her mouth as Elza's pressure increased. The girl's tongue tasted even sweeter than she had ever imagined. Setsuna gave up and returned the kiss hungrily. She didn't notice when Elza let go of her hands. When she stroked through her dark green hair and ruined her hairdo. All she noticed was the girl by her side. Her Elza. Whom she loved with all her heart. Ever since she could remember. Who only seemed to like boys. At least as her partner. Who liked it to tease her around every day.

But right now...

_This isn't just teasing around, is she?_

_She means it, doesn't she?_

_But when did she chance her mind?_

_What about that guy she had last year?_

Setsuna groaned slightly as she felt Elza opening her blouse and caressing her belly. Then, she opened her bra.

_Moment! This is going too fast!_

Setsuna gulped and broke the sweet kiss. Elza opened her eyes and looked questioningly down to her. Her eyes seemed to be even more blurred and her cheeks were redden. A dreamy smile laid on her face.

"Do you know what you are doing?" asked Setsuna and her voice was hoarse.

"I seduce you?" the smaller girl raised her eyebrows and wanted to kiss her again, but Setsuna held her back.

"Is that really what you want to do?"

For a moment Elza stared at Setsuna and the taller one held her breath. Then the best sportswomen of their school grinned widely.

"Of course. It sounds like fun, doesn't it?"

_**- It sounds like fun... -**_

Setsuna felt how something broke inside her. Deep inside her. She wasn't sure if she'd ever be able to repair it. Pain shot through her body and through her soul.

_**- It sounds like fun... - **_

"Fun?" she whispered and couldn't hold back the tears that formed in her eyes. "Fun?!" Her voice became louder and suddenly she was strong enough to push the smaller girl aside. "Right, all of your life is fun. You should go out and have s big party. In such a strange dress. You should go out and drink until you faint. Fine. Do so!" Now, Setsuna screamed. Elza stopped to giggle and looked slightly shocked. "Do whatever's so much fun for you. Make your silly jokes and laugh over them. Fine. That's super. But please..." Setsuna's hands trembled as she closed her bra and her blouse. She tried to correct her hairdo, in vain. Tears were welling in her eyes, but she didn't want to cry them. Not here. Not now.

"Please count me out! Just count me out, Elza, okay? Maybe it's the biggest joke for you, but not for me."

"Nani..." Elza frowned and reeled slightly as she tried to stand up.

"Your damn jokes are hurting me! Every time you make me hopes and then you destroy them just one moment later. That hurts, Elza! Stop it!"

"Nani..." Elza shook her head and was suddenly very pale. "What joke? What are you talking about?"

"What joke? Oh... just that you want to sleep in my bed at home, that you buy the sexiest underwear I know and then claim you only bought it for me. Hell, when you kiss me and tell me that it's just for fun! That's a damn joke, but somehow I am too stupid for it. 'Cause I can't laugh about it!" Now the tears were running down Setsuna's cheeks. She blushed deeply and was ashamed. She was twenty-two years old, she should have learned better to have her feelings under her control.

Elza blinked and gulped.

"But that's not a joke. Really. It's just my kind of humour. To tease you around. Love should be funny, right? You shouldn't cry because you love someone." Elza was suddenly sober as she saw the tears running down her best friend's cheeks. She couldn't remember ever having seen Setsuna cry. It was a big shock for her.

The taller girl only searched for a handkerchief and simply wiped the tears away with her hands as she found none.

"Funny, not ridiculous!" she sobbed and searched for her shoes.

"Hey, what's up?" now, Elza got angry. It took her all her courage to kiss her best friend. To show her her deepest feelings. To show her how much she really cared for her, even though Setsuna had never really believed her. She wanted to prove her that her feelings were true. She even drank some alcohol to have more courage to confessed her love to Setsuna. And now the taller woman was crying and screaming at her. Elza simply didn't understand what had happened. She hadn't done anything wrong, had she?

"Isn't a kiss obvious for you?"

"Right, a kiss! We all knew what you did with that guy. How was his name? Saijonji?"

Elza rolled her eyes.

"That had been a bet. I lost it so I had to kiss him. That's all. There had never been anything more. I didn't even like him."

"Great! That's why you were a couple for the following months."

"We weren't a couple! I've told you that! He was in my parallel class and the whole class went to cinema sometimes and because you've been at the university for ages, I went to the cinema, too! There had never been anything between us."

"You are a joker. Maybe it was simply a joke for you to kiss him?"

"Right, it was a joke. Better, it had been a bet. I kissed him because that had been the price I had to pay."

"Oh super! And what did you lose this time that you had to kiss me? Or did you even win a price, because you got near to the girl who didn't even have a partner at her last school dance?"

"I did it because I love you." Elza's shoulder hang and she screamed as someone slapped her into her face the next moment.

"That..." Tears were streaming over Setsuna's face. "That was the worst joke you've ever told me, Elza!" sobbed Setsuna, then she turned around and left the room as quickly as she could. Not caring that her shoes still laid next to Elza's bed. The door slammed behind her, then the engine screamed. After some moments there was silence and Elza knew that her best friend was gone.

_Best friend?_

_Looks like she's not my best friend any longer..._

Elza gulped and held her burning cheek, simply not understanding what had gone wrong. The girl stripped her wet underwear and crept under the bed's blanket. Yet, she froze like hell, and somehow not even the blanket could warm her. She had imagined to be embraced now by the woman she loved, by her Sissy-chan. Setsuna, however, didn't return her love. Instead, she had screamed at her and even slapped her.

_What did I do wrong?_

Elza rolled up to a ball and wondered if she'd ever be able to leave this bed, to face the cruel world outside again. To look into Setsuna's eyes again.

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Setsuna wanted to go to bed. To hide under her blanket and to drown in her self pity, but somehow she wanted to look after Hotaru. That's what she had done a lot during the past week when Haruka had been so ill. After they had to call the doctor during one night she often controlled mother and child with one look if everything was fine. This night Setsuna simply needed to see the cute, little child. She couldn't talk to her little sister. Not about this mess. Not before she couldn't think about it by herself. Still, she was feeling Elza's lips on her own and still, tears were burning in her eyes. She only wanted to take a look on Hotaru and stroke over her cheeks, to correct her blanket and to feel the little one's unconditional love.

Silently, she opened the door and sneaked into the room. Haruka was in her bed, rolled up to a ball, as always, holding her pillow in her arms. She slept deep and tight. Setsuna smiled and went on her knees next to the cradle. To watch her most favourite niece sleep. No matter if Haruka was her sibling or not. She had learned early in her life that blood didn't mean anything. Not blood, but feelings.

_Nani?_

Setsuna frowned and leaned a little bit closer to the baby.

_Shimatta!_

The next moment she switched on the light and sprinted over to the sleeping blonde.

"Haruka! Wake up!" she screamed and asked herself how this evening could get any worse. Setsuna shook Haruka so violently that the blonde almost fell out of the bed.

"What's up?" Haruka's head jerked up and one look into Setsuna's face told her everything. "Hime-chan?" The next moment she was by the cradle and took her daughter in her arms. The little girl was still breathing, but obviously she had big problems. The small face was almost blue.

_Hime-chan..._

Haruka felt panic growing inside her like fire rising on a pyre.

_No. Please, don't leave me. I need you. I love you! Don't ya know?_

Haruka swallowed and was thankful when Setsuna took her cell phone and called the ambulance. She wouldn't have been able to do that. She wouldn't have been able to say a clear sentence anymore.

_Please, Hime-chan, be strong!_

It had been now three weeks that they got the bad results.

Three weeks during which they had waited for a new heart. Knowing that every day that passed lowered Himme-chan's chances.

Three weeks she had hoped so much.

_This can't be the end!_

Haruka rocked her daughter, but the little girl didn't open her eyes. She only gasped for breath and looked like a puppet in her arms. Like a small, fragile puppet. Like a broken one...

Suddenly, action evolved around her. She didn't notice Michiru rushing into her room. How the young violinist she helped her in her shoes and hang a jacket around her shoulders. How Setsuna talked on the phone without pause. How Michiru tried to talk to her, as well, but didn't get an answer.

Haruka only looked at her daughter and wished that she'd be the ill one. Hotaru was too young to die. There was so much she could experience, so many mistakes she would never do, but her mother had done. The tall blonde only held her daughter tighter and rocked her.

Until the ambulance finally arrived.

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_Thank goodness!_

Haruka sat next to the baby's bed. It consisted only of glass and her Hime-chan laid inside. She was connected to an IV-drip and a special machine that helped her to breathe easier. Haruka didn't understand all the words the doctor had said nor did she have any idea of all those machines being around her daughter's bed, but she knew that everything was okay. The way it could be okay with her ill heart. Still, there was no heart they could give her, but the doctor had been very positive. He had told her that it would be better if Hotaru would always be connected to such a breathing machine during the night to prevent such another incident.

_Don't worry, we'll help you. I won't let you down. I love you, my Hime-chan. You're the most important person in my life!_

Haruka touched the glass with her hands and smiled a shaking smile at her sleeping daughter, full of love. Hotaru yawned in her dreams and her tiny fists beat weakly against the walls of her bed.

_Everything will be fine, don't worry. I am here, Hime-chan. As long as I am here, nothing will ever happen to you. I'll always be there for you. Always..._

"Why didn't you tell me that Hime-chan's that ill?" Setsuna closed the door behind her, because she felt that Haruka needed a little bit time of her own with her daughter.

"Are you able to give her a new heart? No. It's already enough that Ruka and I have to worry so much." Michiru sighed deeply and looked through the window over to Haruka who touched the glass as if she wanted to take her daughter in her arms.

"Hime-chan's already on the list. She'll get the first heart that fits for her."

Setsuna shook her head and walked up and down the corridor.

"Do you know how often I had been in the kitchen while Himme-chan was sleeping in the living room? Do you know what could have happened if I hadn't found her in time? I thought that she had some illness, but I didn't know that it was life-threatening!" Setsuna crossed her arms before her crumbled blouse.

Michiru only shook her head and strand of her sea green hair hang into her face. Suddenly, she looked very, very tired. Setsuna sighed and went over to her. Tenderly, she took her younger sister in her arms.

"Hey, I only want to help. You don't have to take all this responsibility alone. I am here, you know that. I'll always be here to support you. And I love Hime-chan, too. I'd do anything for her, too. Hey, she's my first niece, remember?"

Michiru only laughed a shaky laugh and crept deeper in the warm embrace.

Niece. Setsuna always called Hime-chan her first niece, because she sensed that Haruka wouldn't go again. No matter if she was that Sailor Uranus or not, she would stay. Together with her daughter. And therefore, Setsuna saw in her another little sister. After those eight weeks it was the way she felt for her: a little sister. A damn proud sister who never asked for help. Who had certainly experienced a lot of bad times in her life. Who was strong but nevertheless she wanted to protect. It was the same she feeling she had for Michiru. Yet, it was so extremely different from the feelings she had for Elza...

"Michi? Sissy?"

"Is that you, children?"

They both spun around as they heard the well known voices. Speechlessly, they stared at their parents. Aiko still wore her evening dress and it looked as if she just came from the stage. Her husband only smiled and took Michiru in her arms.

"How did you know..." stammered Setsuna and blushed as her mother corrected automatically her blouse. Aiko didn't ask much. Instead, she went over to the window and looked through it.

"Gendo-kun called us up." Aiko glanced through the window at the tall blonde only having eyes for her daughter, remembering the doctor's excited voice at the other end of the line. "He told us everything about our daughter's goddaughter."

"Well..."

"So you don't need the money for a new car." Aiko shook her head and watched her younger daughter blushing deeply. Setsuna's mouth dropped. "Gendo-kun told us that she has no insurance to pay the operation."

"Well..." Michiru shrugged helplessly her shoulder.

"You know her, mommy, she's always trying to solve every problem on her own. She didn't want to worry you." Now, Setsuna shrugged her shoulders, as well, and realized just now that she was barefoot.

_It had really been a crazy evening!_

"Hey, that's what a family is for, Michi. We're your parents. This isn't a small problem you can solve by yourself, this is a big one and we want to help you!" her father hugged her friendly.

Michiru only nodded.

_Arigato, mommy._

_Arigato, daddy._

Setsuna tried to correct her crumbled skirt and her hairdo looked messed. Michiru had to smile a little bit at her vain attempts.

_Arigato, Sissy._

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Haruka didn't hear the door opening. She didn't see the shadow falling over her daughter's bed until she heard the soft voice next to her.

"So, that's the little Hotaru."

Haruka's head jerked up and she looked into the friendly smiling face of Meioh Aiko.

"Good evening, Meioh-san." Haruka frowned as the famous opera singer bowed over the glass to have a better look at the little girl sleeping inside of it. "I've talked to Gendo-kun, I mean, Dr. Sagura-san. He said that everything is fine. But he wants her to stay for the rest of the night." Aiko looked at her watch and then at Haruka's pale face. "Go home, Haruka. Michiru told me that you had the flu last week and you look very tired to me."

"No," the tall blonde shook her head. "I promised her not to go away."

"You aren't your daughter any help when you break down. Go home. I'll take care of her, okay? Hey, don't worry, I've raised two beautiful daughters, I know how to handle such a kawaii little girl." Aiko smiled and sat down next to Haruka. For a long time she looked through the glass at the little girl.

"She's a cute little girl, Haruka. How old is she?"

"She was born this May. On my eighteenth birthday."

"The best birthday present one can get, huh?"

Haruka blinked. There was no strange look that she was so young. No word about responsibility. About her being half a child herself. No questions about the father. Nothing. Only a feeling that she had felt for the last time when her parents had still been alive.

"Hai..."

Again, there was silence between them and suddenly Haruka felt soft hands stroking calmingly through her blond strands.

"Don't worry, Haruka. She's partly a Meioh now, because she's Michi's goddaughter. Meioh's are fighters and I feel that this little girl's the biggest fighter of us all," she smiled at Haruka and suddenly the tall blonde was reminded of her mother.

"But I have to warn you. Once she'll be recovered, she has to face me. I'll spoil her as much as only grannies can."

"I guess I can live with that," smiled Haruka tiredly, sensing that this was Aiko's way to welcome her into her family.

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For a long time Michiru stared at her cell phone. Then she threw it against the next wall. It crashed as it hit the ground. The sea green haired girl threw a pillow after it and sat down on her bed. Staring at the wall, not seeing the paintings there. Of the wide ocean, of a bird flying through the sky. All she could see was little Hotaru lying in the glass bed at hospital. All she remembered where the doctor's words as she talked to him in peace. Alone. Without her entire family being around.

_I didn't know that it had been that serious._

Michiru could feel the tears welling up in her eyes.

_I didn't know that it could be so hard. So difficult._

She brought her legs to her chest and wrapped her arms around her knees. Her hair covered her face as she lowered her head. Soon, the tears were wetting her cheeks and she had to sniffle.

She had been too naive. All the time. She had thought that all she had to do was to find Sailor Uranus. To find the talismans and then to live the way she gad lived before: as a good student of her school. She wanted to continue with her violin play and to become a great musician. Just the way Setsuna's parents were.

_Be honest, you did not only want to lead a normal life again. You also hoped to find a partner in that other senshi, didn't you? Finally someone who'd love you the way you are and not laugh at you like Tamara always did. Like so many other people had done._

But that had been a brutal illusion. Haruka wasn't Sailor Uranus. Well, she had seen the sign on her forehead or at least believed to had seen the sign there that night, but the blonde could never transform. Still, it was a mystery to Michiru how she had defeated the last youma, but Haruka had her own kind of fighting technique. Certainly, she had defeated it with a broken milk bottle. Exactly the way she had once threatened Tamara.

Oh, it all had been a cruel illusion. Had she really thought that Haruka would love her? She had a daughter, surely she had had a boyfriend who simply refused to take responsibility when she got pregnant, and consequently ran away from the blonde.

_Hime-chan..._

_Did I really think that it would be so easy to operate the small child?_

_Did I really think that I could solve any problems with money?_

Michiru sobbed quietly, again and again hearing the doctor's words in her ears.

_Hime-chan..._

Yes, she had talked to the doctor. With a very serious looking Dr. Sugara-san. For a long time.

_**- It had been only a light attack. She'll need some extra air in the night, but for now she's fine. -**_

_**- For now, doctor? -**_

Again she heard his deep sigh, saw the pain in the older face.

_**- I guess it's better to tell you the truth, Michiru-chan. So that you will be prepared. -**_

_**- Prepared? -**_

Again, she felt the fear growing inside her heart. As she had felt it when she had been woken up by Setsuna in the middle of the night. When she had to see Haruka walking around in her pyjamas, holding an unconscious Hotaru in her arms.

_**- If we won't find a new heart within the next month, I fear that she won't survive. -**_

Michiru bit on her lower lip, but she couldn't stop her tears from falling. It was now in the middle of the night. Hotaru was still at hospital, together with Setsuna's parents. Aiko had convinced Haruka to go home and to sleep. She was now lying on her bed behind the next wall and Michiru didn't want to wake her up. She needed her sleep more than anyone else. She needed to keep her strength. For her daughter and for herself.

_Only four weeks..._

_What if we won't find another heart? What if we have to give up? What if Hotaru dies?_

Michiru gulped and pressed her knees tighter together.

_Did I really think that it all would be so easy? Did I really think just because I have money, Hime-chan would recover quickly? Did I really think that I could see her growing up?_

She couldn't tell Haruka. She couldn't even look into her eyes as Setsuna drove them home. Certainly, the young woman was now working on a silly programme or repairing a broken computer. That was what she was always doing in frustrating situations like this. The last year when their mother had been so ill, she had hardly slept over a week and then simply broke down.

_That will be Haruka's end._

_And mine..._

Michiru sobbed and tried to wipe away her tears. New ones wetted her hands and for some moments she stared at them. Seeing how she had changed nappies with them. How she had fed a little girl and washed her in the big tube. How she had stroked little Hotaru and tickled her tenderly. Again, she heard Hime-chan's silent laughter, just like her whimpers.

_I don't want to give up on this child! I love her! She belongs to me. Just like Setsuna and her parents. Just like Elza. Just like Ruka..._

Michiru sobbed again and coughed quietly.

_I can't stand it. I can't stand to sit here. To wait until it will happen. Four weeks are not enough time. We've already waited for three weeks. Hime-chan's simply too weak and I can't hold her back in this life._

_I can't..._

Again she saw Haruka's desperate face that evening when she got to know the bad results about Hotaru's heart test. How she had freaked out when she had thought that Michiru would take her daughter away from her. How she had ran away, in the cold rain and hadn't found her way home until Elza picked her up.

_I can't tell Ruka the truth. It would kill her. But I can't live with all this on my own. I can't heal Hime-chan, but I can't watch her dying._

_Four weeks. Fuck! They will be gone so quickly!_

_I am swimming in a shitload of money, but it won't help me. I can't stop time, I can't buy her a new heart. I can't give her a new life. All I can do is to sit and wait. And to watch helplessly._

_I don't want to be helpless._

_Never again!_

Michiru raised her head and looked over to her opened bathroom door. She frowned and wiped away her tears. Her legs shivered and hardly supported her as she rose from the bed. Slowly, very slowly she went over to her bathroom and opened the cupboard behind the mirror.

_I don't want to be helpless._

_I don't want to think about all this shit any longer._

_I don't want to be remember how helpless I am every waking second._

_I don't want to know how stupid I am during the coming four weeks!_

Michiru sobbed again and reached inside the cupboard. Soon, she felt the familiar white package in her hand and held it desperately tight. She had promised Haruka to take care of her daughter. No, she had blackmailed the tall blonde to heal her daughter if she'd come with her. If she'd fight with her as Sailor Uranus. Michiru had seen that Haruka didn't want to do this, but with her promise she had achieved what she wanted. With her damn money she had been able to force her to come with her, to live with her in this crazy household. She had even convinced her that it was better for her to go to school again. So many hours she had to spend in that bloody building, sitting next to her. Time she should have better spent with her daughter, instead. Haruka had so little time left with her Hime-chan, she should have used it differently.

_I want to forget all this shit._

_I want to feel free again._

_I want to get rid of all those fears. Of all that pain. Of all my nightmares._

_I want to be as strong and as independent as the wide ocean. Me, the child of the sea..._

Michiru pulled the small package out and opened it. It was now three years that she had taken them for the last time. Setsuna would have been shocked had she knownn that she kept some.

_I promised Sissy never to take them again._

_Another promise I can't keep._

Michiru swallowed hard as she felt the little plastic pill on her palms. It rolled over her skin, because her hands trembled so much.

_Only this night, alright? I just want to forget all this fucking shit for some moments. For a single night, I want to be happy again. As I want to sleep without all those nightmares again._

The sea green girl raised her head, but there was no one around. No one who would see her like this: defeated, weak, merely the small girl she had been when she crashed into Setsuna's parents and fainted.

_I never became strong. Never. I am still weak. So damn weak. And I am still hurting everyone dear to me. Sissy, Hime-chan. Ruka..._

With a quick motion she gulped the pills and threw the package on the ground. The world spun around her and consequently she closed her eyes. A wide smile appeared on her face as she opened them again. Every thought disappeared from her tortured mind and suddenly everything was extremely funny. She giggled and stripped her slippers. Rough wind played with her night dress as she entered the balcony. For some seconds she stood there and overlooked the near sea. The waves were crashing on the beach in the moon's soft light. Michiru giggled again and decided that this view wasn't good enough for her. She was the goddess of the sea, she wanted to rule over the water. Completely. That wasn't possible from this small balcony. She was a queen! Hell! Why didn't she have a golden throne, then?

Michiru giggled even louder as she stepped on the balustrade and started to climb towards the near roof. The cold stone made her body freeze, but she didn't notice the bitter cold. The rough wind seemed to be the whispering of thousands of loyal people of her sea kingdom. Thousands of friends she had never had in real life.

_They love me!_

Michiru grinned and finally reached the top of the roof. Here, the moon seemed to be even brighter, almost as bright as the sun. However, it was silver. Michiru preferred silver over gold. It fitted better to her sea green hair and to her mostly a little bit pale skin. Yes, she was a real queen. A real ruler.

The waves rushed around her and she felt free. Slightly, she spread her arms and balanced over the roof. Her feet could hardly find any hold, but she didn't mind. She felt happy, that was the most important thing in her life. She felt happy and loved. Here in her kingdom. She had been away for such a long time, but her people had forgiven her, now that she would never go again.

Michiru threw her head in her neck and laughed happily. The stars sparkled above her and she wondered if they all were diamonds. They would fit perfectly to her evening dress. To the long blue one. The narrow one. Certainly, her people would take those stars for her. Yes, only for her.

Her feet lost their hold and she made a clumsy gesture. She found her balance in the last moment and glared confused at the abyss before her. The roof ended here, but she didn't want it to end. She wanted to dance here for all times. Within her kingdom of water. She wanted to be free here. To be loved. To be mighty enough to do everything she wanted to do. To achieve every goal.

Here, she was powerful. Here, she was a mighty queen, not the weak girl anymore they forced her to be in the other world. The unreal, the hard one.

She giggled and grabbed for the blue slide that had held her hair in a plait und pulled it out of her wild strands. Curls danced around her cheeks. They looked like the waves of the sea. For some seconds she observed how the slide made it's way down to the ground. Cheerfully, she clapped in her hands as it hit terrace's cold tiles.

_It flew!_

Michiru grinned widely.

_That's fantastic._

_I want to fly, too. Right into the sea._

_I want so badly..._

However, before she could spread her wings and fly away, someone had grabbed her and pulled her back.

_Nani?_

She tried to defend herself, but the aggressor wouldn't let her go. No matter how hard she hit him, she couldn't get rid of him.

"Michiru?"

Still, she was defending herself, but slowly, very slowly the voice dropped through her lazy thoughts, through her panic.

"Michi?!? Are you alright? Talk to me! Michi! What's up?" There was concern in the low voice. No, someone who was against her monarchy and wanted to kill her wouldn't sound so concerned, would he? Michiru turned her head and stared at the shadow standing right beside her, holding her right arm tight.

"Michi? What's wrong with you? Why are you on the roof? Common, talk to me!"

Michiru needed some seconds to realize that there was a girl was standing beside her. Her blonde hair was messed and the blue pyjama crumbled. She was barefoot and froze obviously in the cold night's wind.

_Nani?_

Michiru blinked confused as her sea kingdom disappeared. Yet, she still had to giggle. Until tears were running down her cheeks again.

_Haruka? _

Then she opened her mouth and had to laugh. It sounded a little bit crazy and made not only her shiver. Haruka frowned, then she brought the smaller girl nearer to her.

"What are you doing on the roof? Is anything wrong?"

Michiru stared up in dark green eyes and laughed even louder.

_Wrong?_

_What should be wrong?_

_That I am losing Hime-chan?_

_That I'll be losing you?_

_That I'll be alone again? The way I had been alone all my life?_

More and more tears streamed over her cheeks, but still she couldn't stop to giggle. Her head ached and the rushing of the near sea seemed to increase.

It all was so funny. So damn funny that it made her cry...

"Michi?" Haruka gulped, then she grabbed Michiru a little bit harder and together they left the roof. It was not very easy to help a giggling and sobbing Michiru down again to her balcony, but somehow they managed the dangerous journey back.

Of course Haruka hadn't been able to sleep properly. More than once she had woken up from a horrible nightmare where the doctors couldn't help her daughter any more and as she woke up ten minutes ago, she had heard Michiru laughing. Wondering what was going on, she had gone over to her room, but Michiru hadn't been there. Instead, the door had stood open, yet the balcony had been empty. Haruka's heart had almost stopped to beat as she discovered the shadow dancing on the roof, near the edge, being in danger of falling down with each motion. Haruka had climbed on the roof as quickly as she could and had held Michiru back as she seemed to lost her balance completely.

"Michi..." Haruka helped the sea green girl to sit down on her bed and frowned. "What's up with you? Hey, tell me what's wrong. Michiru!" Haruka sighed and looked helplessly around as the smaller girl didn't react. Michiru kept sitting on her bed and giggled while tears were running down her cheeks. At that moment Haruka saw the small package lying on the ground.

_No..._

Haruka didn't have to read the Japanese signs on the package. She knew too well what the small pills contained. Suddenly, she knew too well why Michiru had danced on the roof. In the middle of the night. Only wearing her night dress. Laughing while she stared at the abyss.

_Why..._

Haruka went over to the bathroom and took the package. Determinedly, she opened the toilet's lit and threw one pill after the other into it. She tried to close the lit, but at that moment Michiru grabbed her hand and held it back. Her deep blue eyes were sparkling with panic.

"No! You aren't allowed to do that. Those are mine!" she giggled and coughed. "What the hell do you think you are doing? That's my property! You can't simply throw them away!"

Haruka blinked and finally freed herself and closed the lit. Her face was pale as she turned around to look directly into Michiru's blushed face.

"You don't know what you are talking about, Michiru," she held the now empty package right before Michiru's nose and crumbled it. "Where did you get them from? How often are you taking them? And why?" Haruka's voice was as cold as Michiru had never heard it before. Not once during the last eight weeks.

"I don't think that's any of your business, Haruka!" Michiru tried to reach for the package, but Haruka was quicker and it ended in the dustbin. That action made Michiru really angry. "Go to your room and stay there! You aren't here to talk to me as if I was a child."

"I know, I am not here to give any advice." Haruka's voice sounded like the barking of a dog in Michiru's ears and she stumbled some steps backwards. She had been so happy just some seconds ago, but now she was scared. The tears dried on her face and her eyes grew wide. Then, she clenched her fists. No, she wouldn't give up this time! She wasn't a weak girl! Haruka had no right to talk to her like that.

"Right! Then go to your room and leave me alone!"

"To let you ruin your life? Forget that, Michiru! You've saved Hime-chan's life, so I won't let you destroy yours!"

_Hime-chan..._

Michiru shook her head and crossed her arms before her chest.

_I don't want to think about Hime-chan any more. I wanted to be happy. Just this one night. And now she simply comes here and has to remember me of all this bloody stuff! Who does she think she is by destroying my property?_

"Those are just some pill! Don't exaggerate, Haruka! They are harmless!" snapped Michiru and wanted to turn around. To go to her bed and to show Haruka that she didn't want to discuss that topic with her any longer. "You have no idea what you are talking about! It's nothing special, just some pills to make me feel better!"

Michiru screamed as Haruka was suddenly by her side and held her by her hands. Violently, she forced her too look right into her face and for the first time during those eight weeks, Michiru could see real, unveiled, unguarded pain in the tall blonde's face.

"Harmless? Are you really so naive to think that they are harmless?"

"Haruka! Leave me in peace! That's none of your business!"

Michiru tried to escape, but it didn't look as if Haruka was listening to her stammered words any longer. Fire seemed to glow in her eyes and her look was hateful. Later on Michiru understood that she didn't hate her, but that she had hated herself right at that moment: for all the things she had done during the past two years. Things she couldn't change. She simply couldn't forget.

"You want this to feel a little bit happy? Do you really think that's the right way? First, there're those pills. Cute, little pills. They aren't even expensive. But one day they won't be enough for you. Then you'll need stronger things. Then you need more of them and more and more. Then it suddenly doesn't matter that you need sharp, painful needles to get enough of that stuff into your body that seemingly makes you so hilariously happy. Even if it's just for some moments. Even if you have to spend all day to get enough money. You go stealing, you sell your body, you rob poor old ladies, just to have enough money to get enough of this oh so great stuff. In the beginning, it all looks harmless, but in the end you're a wrack." Haruka took a long, shaky breath and finally let her go. "You're not one of us, Michi. You have parents who love you, you have a nice home. You don't need those pills."

Michiru fell backwards on the bed and stared at Haruka. Slowly, very slowly the words reached her mind and she understood them.

"Us?" was all she whispered.

You didn't know who she was when you met her on the dirty street. You didn't know what she had done before in her life when you tried to talk to her at the car repair shop.

"Hai, us." Haruka's face was hard and her eyes empty. "What do you think why Hime-chan has this illness? I was drug addicted when I got pregnant. Shit, I was a total junkie! I've lived on the street over a year and I almost died because I took too many drugs at once in my endless greed. I woke up in hospital later, because I had been lucky. I tried to get rid of that stuff, but it wasn't very easy, Michiru. Even after I got to know that I was pregnant. I still needed that damn stuff during the first months of my pregnancy. Guess during that time Hotaru's heart took some damage. It's all my fault that she's in that bad situation now." Haruka closed her eyes for some moments. Suddenly, with a jerky motion, she rolled up the sleeves of her pyjamas' top and Michiru could see all the old scars covering still thin arms, although Haruka had gained a little bit weight. "Do you really want to end the way I ended? Do you really want to destroy yourself and lose all pride and all hope?! Do you really want to throw your life away like rubbish?!"

Haruka's voice was very loud and Michiru turned her head away. Her lower lip shook and she gulped visibly. Once more, tears were sparkling in her deep blue eyes and Haruka sighed deeply. She covered her ugly skin again and bowed over to the smaller girl, putting her right hand carefully on her trembling shoulder. The touch was so different from the one Michiru had experienced only minutes before.

"I don't want you to do the same mistake I did. Hai, you are right, it is not my business and surely it's your own life, but I hurt my daughter and you'd surely hurt your sister and your parents. Hell, Michi, you don't need that stuff. Your parents love you and Sissy would do anything for you. Why did you take those pills? Why did you want to be happy tonight?" Haruka whispered and sat down next to her on the bed.

"You lived on the street?" asked Michiru after a long time they sat there in silence. She touched Haruka's right arm but didn't pull the cloth away to look again at the old scars. She had always thought that they were caused by the IV-drips Haruka had been connected to during Hotaru's hard birth. Now she knew better. "Why?" She didn't take many of those pills and together with the shock of Haruka's confession she didn't feel that crazy any longer. She didn't want to laugh any longer. All she wanted was to know more about the blonde who sat next to her on her bed. A girl she got to know almost one year ago. A girl she had lived with for over eight weeks now. A girl she wanted to be close to her for the rest of her life.

"Hai..." Haruka sighed deeply and lowered her head. For a long time she stared at Michiru's hand. She knew that she had to trust the smaller girl. This was what friendship was about, wasn't it? One friend had to trust the other. If she'd push Michiru away right now, she would never tell her why she'd taken those pills. If she wouldn't tell her all this ugly stuff right now, Michiru would turn away and Haruka couldn't help her with the problems she obviously had.

_She took care of Hime-chan and me during the past weeks. She deserves to know the truth._

_What if she'll hate you?_

_What if she'll throw you out?_

_What if..._

Haruka quickly glanced up and looked into Michiru's tear wetted face. Hesitantly, she raised her free hand and wiped the rest of the tears away. Michiru didn't wince away. She only watched her. The tall blonde was reminded of how Michiru had cared for her when she had been ill. She was reminded of how Michiru had embraced her, even though she thought that she'd be infected with AIDS.

_**- It's okay. -**_

Again, she heard the soft voice in her head and knew that she could trust her. It would be the last time in her life that she'd ever trust anyone, but she would give it a try. This one last time.

_She deserves the truth._

_She's my best friend, isn't she?_

_She would never hate me, would she?_

Haruka took a deep breath. Although she was still uncertain, she started to talk to Michiru in a very silent voice.

"I had a fantastic childhood, Michi. My parents were simply great. They weren't as rich as your parents and I didn't have such a great sister, but they did everything to make me happy. My daddy worked in a firm and my mommy was a teacher for small children. They were happy with each other and they loved me with all their hearts." Haruka shrugged her shoulders. "I was sixteen when this dreamed ended one night. They had a car accident. They died before the ambulance arrived. They left me behind and a mortgage on the small house we were living in. I couldn't pay it and because I had no other relatives, they put me into an orphanage. I had been too old to be adopted and although the people at the orphanage tried to be nice to me, I simply snapped. I didn't want to be there, so I ran away. I had no money, no home, not even any hope any longer. I was still mourning my parents' death and couldn't live with the pain in my heart any longer. So I took some pills. They weren't that expensive and in the beginning I could afford them with a little bit robbery. It's very easy to go into a mall to steal some small things. You only have to be smart and no one sees it. But after some time I needed more of this stuff and of course it was more expensive." Haruka didn't look up, but she felt how Michiru squeezed her arm softly. "It's incredible what you do when you need that money like hell. Once I attacked an old woman and broke her right arm just to get her handbag. And... I did some other things I am not very proud of." Haruka shrugged her shoulders, but Michiru knew what she meant. She gulped, yet didn't know what to say. How to comfort the blonde who looked suddenly so distant.

"One night I met Hikari. She's the friend who had AIDS. We lived on the street together for the coming months. I kept stealing money and she did what she did. We made a deal: she showed me how to survive on the streets and I protected her against rude guys who wanted to do things she didn't want to do. So we survived somehow the following months. Until summer last year. Hikari got very ill and I went too late to the hospital with her. She had pneumonia and died that very night. I was so frustrated that I took all drugs we had at once in the hope to die." Haruka heard how Michiru gasped for breath, but still she stared at the soft hand on her right arm. "I fainted and woke up in a hospital's bed. Someone seemed to have found me and called an ambulance. It's a real miracle that I survived. I swore myself to change my life. Especially after I found out that I was pregnant. I wanted to be there for the little life growing inside me. There was still someone who needed me. It was very hard, but I made a therapy and fought hard to keep Hime-chan after she was born. Mjyamoto-san was my biggest support. She helped me to get a flat and a job to be able to keep Hime-chan. Then, my little girl got so ill and some weeks later I met you again near the car repair shop."

_Where I blackmailed her with the money._

Michiru swallowed. Suddenly, she knew why Haruka had had no other possibility than to take the money and to follow her.

She didn't believe in that senshi thing. Certainly, she still didn't believe in it. Nevertheless, she came with her. At that moment Michiru knew how desperate Haruka had been. She only wanted to save her small child. A little girl that was ill because of her mother.

_Ruka would have done anything for her..._

Michiru bit on her lower lip and some tears escaped her eyes.

_And now I can't even rescue Hime-chan, because in only four weeks it'll be too late._

"Why didn't I meet you earlier? Why didn't I hold you back when you rescued me?" sobbed the smaller girl and clenched her fist around Haruka's arm. "We would have had so much more time to save Hime-chan. Why didn't I..."

Haruka turned her head in surprise and stared at Michiru's tears in disbelieve.

_She cries because of me._

"Hey, Michi..." she whispered and noticed the smaller girl trembling.

"Why didn't I simply grab you and pull you with me in the taxi I had ordered? Why did I react so shocked when I saw that you were pregnant? Why didn't I..."

"Hush." Haruka hesitated for a second, then she took the sobbing girl in her arms and rocked her. "It's not your fault, Michi. Nothing's your fault," she whispered and felt Michiru grabbing her pyjamas' top and clinging tightly to it.

_I didn't want to make her cry._

_Hell, I want to see her laugh. I want to see her happy, not so desperate!_

"You've been there for the past eight weeks. You gave Hime-chan a second chance. Just the way you gave me a home again." Haruka blushed deeply as she said those words, so true words, but Michiru's crying only increased. She tried to creep deeper into Haruka's embrace. Suddenly, Haruka understood.

"You've talked to the doctor today, haven't you?" she asked alarmed and felt how her heart beat increased. Michiru only nodded, not able to raise her head.

"That's why you've taken the pills to forget what he told you, haven't you?"

Again a nodding and a desperate sob. Haruka looked for some moments on the ceiling and tried to get her feelings under her control again. Of course she had known how dangerous her daughter's illness was, but nevertheless she couldn't give up hope. Michiru had always been so encouraging, just like Aiko's words only some hours ago. She had really almost believed that everything would be okay, as long as the operation would be paid.

"Is it that bad?"

"If we won't find... find a new heart... heart within the next four weeks..." Michiru sobbed desperately and Haruka brought her a little bit nearer to her body. Tenderly, she started to stroke through sea green curls. She didn't have to ask what would happen if they wouldn't find a heart within the next four weeks.

Michiru raised her head. Her deep blue eyes were covered with tears and she looked so desperate that it made Haruka's soul ache.

"I promised... I promised you to heal her..."

"Hush, Michi." Haruka wiped away those tears and smiled a shaky smile. "Four weeks are a long time. I am sure Dr. Sugara-san will find a new heart for her. He looked very positive today and your family will support us. I didn't have much luck the past two years, but since I met you my whole life has changed. For the first time I have somewhere where I belong to. And you gave Hime-chan a second change. I am pretty sure that everything will be alright. We just have to be a little bit patient, okay?" Haruka wasn't very convinced by her own words, but she didn't want to see Michiru so desperate any longer.

"But..."

"Hey, what's up with you? Where's the strong, determined Michi I got to know? You believed in me. That I can go to school again, that I won't rob you or do other crazy stuff. Then believe in Hime-chan, too. She's a little fighter. She won't give up that easily. Not with such a great godmother."

_Please, believe in her. I can't do it. Not all alone, Michi..._

"Guess you're right. It's just so hard. I thought it would be easier."

"Life is never easy, but it's worth to fight for," whispered Haruka, still caressing Michiru's cheeks although they were already dry. "You don't need such pills, Michi. Your family loves you."

_So do I..._

"And you'll never be alone. You don't have to take such stuff. You are strong enough to face life."

Michiru covered Haruka's hands with her own ones and smiled a shaky smile.

"You're right. I've been really stupid."

"Not stupid, but sad." Haruka enjoyed the gentle touch for a moment, then she rose from the bed. "But it's not a solution."

Michiru watched her longingly, then she lowered her head. Suddenly, she froze and her head ached even more. It was almost dawn, but she knew that she wouldn't go to school today. She'd call in sick later.

"Better we'll get some sleep, before we return to Hime-chan at noon. I don't want to scare your parents to death by my appearance," said Haruka and wondered when she'd taken over the part to be the reasonable one. Normally, she had a hot temper and wanted to run with her head right through the wall.

_I've changed during the past year._

Haruka winced as Michiru's hand shot out and grabbed her left one. To hold it desperately tight.

_I've changed because of my daughter._

The tall blonde didn't have to ask Michiru what she meant. It was obvious that the smaller girl didn't want to be alone for the rest of the night. Just the same Haruka didn't want to spend the next hours sitting on her bed and staring at the empty cradle, wondering what her daughter was doing right now in hospital. Wondering if the cradle would stay empty or if a little girl would run happily laughing through this house next summer.

Haruka sat down on the bed and took the smaller girl again into her arms. Carefully, she covered the both of them with a soft blanket and simply held Michiru tight.

_I've changed because of her._

For the rest of the night they held each other tight in silence.

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**Author's corner:**

Thank you again for your amazing reviews. They always make my day. I hope this chapter wasn't too harsh and that it answered some more of your questions concerning Haruka's (and indirectly Michiru's) past.

The next update will be on Monday, 17th March 2008. Until then I'll be offline, because I'll be away on a well-deserved vacation to visit a good friend in California. I won't have time to check my emails (and therefore my comments) and won't be able to upload the next part any earlier. Due to my exams I had no vacation in AGES and I simply need it. I can't upload anything more in advance, because I still need to read over the rest of the story before posting the next parts on ffnet. Therefore, I hope you'll be patient and read the next last part of chapter 4 in March. Thank you very much for your understanding.

Next update:

The night of the school dance arrives, even though neither really wants to go. Setsuna's senshi powers go wild when a youma suddenly attacks and Elza touches the staff of time. Michiru convinces Haruka to dance with her – and gets closer to her. And a phone call destroys the romantic atmosphere.


	11. Chapter 4: Living on the edge 3

As Dr. Sugara-san had promised they could take Hotaru home the following day. Now a special machine was standing besides the cradle in Haruka's room to help the little girl to breathe easier during the night. Hotaru had to take even more medicine now and Dr. Sugara-san gave them his private cell phone number. He said that he'd come whenever they needed him. As well as he told them that there had to be someone near Hotaru – all the time. She was, under no circumstances, to be left alone. Not even one single moment!

Haruka sat down next to the cradle, holding her daughter tenderly tight in her arms. Little Hotaru was sleeping. Her small fingers held Haruka's pullover weakly tight and the tall blonde simply rocked her. Michiru's parents were downstairs. Although Aiko did have an important concert this evening, they wanted to stay as long as possible. They had repeatedly promised to visit them as often as their schedule allowed them to come.

The door opened silently and Michiru entered the room. Haruka quickly glanced up and smiled softly before she whispered some nonsensical soft words to her sleeping daughter.

"I can't remember the last time when this house had been so crowded," said Michiru and sat down next to the tall blonde.

"Don't you want to be with your parents now? They have to leave in only two hours," asked Haruka in surprise who could remember too well how Michiru had cried because she had missed her parents so much. It had only been some weeks ago that she had played together with her mother on the stage and had been very sad as Aiko had to leave her only one hour later.

"They'll return soon enough, don't worry. Mommy has been begging Sissy for years that she wants to have a grandchild. Now she has one and believe me, once Hotaru will be recovered she'll spoil her shamelessly," whispered Michiru and leaned forward to stroke through fluffy dark hair.

_Grandchild?_

_Granny..._

Haruka frowned. Her own parents were dead, Hotaru would have never had any grandparents in her life. Now, however, as Michiru said those words as if she'd really belong to this crazy family, it sounded wonderful. Simply fantastic in Haruka's ears.

"Guess it's better to chance nappies and to bring her to bed. She's very tired. This had been really exciting for her." Haruka didn't have to ask, Michiru stretched her hands and held the little girl in her arms the next moment. Tenderly, she kissed the tiny forehead and smiled as Hotaru made a disturbed face but kept sleeping. Haruka rose and searched for the nappies and clean baby pyjamas. Michiru watched her, feeling how a tiny hand grabbed for sea green strands in her dreams.

"Her father hadn't been your boyfriend, had he?" Michiru leaned against the cradle and tried to relax her body. Still, she felt a little bit dizzy by the shock from the last night and she hadn't slept a lot. She didn't want to wake Hotaru up because of her trembling body.

"Boyfriend?" Haruka made a face, then she shook her head. "No. I've never had a boyfriend; he was only some stranger."

"How did he look like?" Michiru frowned over Haruka's answer, but saved this question for another day. Right now Haruka was prepared to tell her something more about her past and about Hotaru, she wouldn't interrupt her.

"Hm... I guess he had dark hair."

"You guess?" Michiru rocked the baby and saw how Haruka played with the fresh nappy in her hands.

"There're two versions of how I got pregnant. In both I can't remember him."

"Two versions?" The sea green haired raised her eyebrows questioningly. "Yours and his?"

"Mine and reality." Haruka searched again in her wardrobe and finally found the pyjamas she was looking for. Carefully, she took Hotaru again in her arms and laid her on the bed to change her nappies. The little girl didn't wake up.

"It could've only happen during the night when Hikari died and I took a little bit too many drugs. You see strange things when you are high and I was on top of the world that night. My version is a big, bright light. I saw the universe from the outside; some planets were flying through the air and someone was calling me." Haruka changed the nappy and helped her sleeping daughter into her baby pyjamas. Tenderly, she stroked over a naked belly and smiled lovingly. "Well, sounds crazy, doesn't it? Believe me, I was more than crazy that night."

"And reality?"

"Well, I fainted and laid there in the dirt. I have no idea how long I was there, because I woke up at hospital over a week later. Surely, someone found me and used his change. I mean, I didn't defend myself and I was for free. The best chance he could get." Haruka's voice was insensible, but her eyes were full of love as she laid her daughter into the cradle and covered her softly with a blanket. "Whatever's true, I don't really care. She's all what counts. No matter how I got her, I love her."

Haruka heard how Michiru stepped closer to her and felt a soft hand stroking through her blond strands. Right at the moment as the smaller girl wanted to say something, the door was pushed open and a pale Elza crashed into the room.

"Why didn't anyone call me up?" she panted and looked like a total mess. Her school uniform was dirty and her hair not brushed. "Why the hell..."

"Hush, Elza! Hime-chan's sleeping. You don't want to wake her up, do you?" asked Michiru sharply. Then she looked regretfully at the red haired girl. "Gomen, Elza-chan. It had all been so hectic, we simply forgot you."

"Oh, that's nice. So I am not bugging you enough when you simply forget good ole Elza?" The girl pouted, but a smile appeared on her dark face and it brightened up as she bowed over the cradle.

"Hey, little one, don't scare me that much, okay? You can't do that to an old woman like me!" scolded Elza tenderly and let out a long, heavy sigh. She looked up as the door opened again. Soon Michiru's parents were sitting around the cradle, as well, all whispering tender words to the little baby. Especially Aiko was already mad about the little girl, just as Michiru had stated earlier.

Haruka watched them in utter disbelieve. Again she was reminded of all those rude nurses and misunderstanding doctors. All the cold social workers. They all hadn't wanted her to take care of her child, because she had been too young. Because she had been a junky. Because she had simply been a bad mother.

Now she sat there in the middle of all those nice people who had asked her many questions about the little girl and had behaved as if Hime-chan would really belong to their family. As if they both would belong to them.

Michiru touched softly her hand and quickly they exchanged glances. And even though Hotaru's future was unsure, even though Haruka still didn't know if she was that Sailor Uranus and though no one had told the tall blonde if she could really stay here, Haruka felt suddenly as happy as she hadn't felt before in her life.

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"It's rare that your parents visit you. Why aren't you with them? You can watch the ocean later; it won't disappear over night." Elza pushed her hands deeper into her jacket's pockets and went over to Setsuna. The tall woman was standing at the beach, near the water, watching the waves crashing at the wet sand. She had done that during the last two hours. At first, Elza had watched her from the window of Haruka's room, then from the terrace. Finally, she told Michiru that she would go for a walk with Orpheus. The dog was now haunting some sea birds right now, but as always he was too slow or the birds simply too quick. Elza didn't need a string. She knew that he wouldn't run away and that one word was enough to call him back.

"I don't want to," answered Setsuna, not looking away from the endless sea. The sky was covered with grey clouds and slowly it became darker. Surely, the sun was setting behind the woollen blanket and it would be night within the next hour.

"Come back. You'll catch a cold if you keep standing here like that any longer. You don't even have your scarf." Elza felt uncomfortable, but she couldn't simply turn away like that. Not after what had happened last night.

"I don't want to," insisted Setsuna and blinked as rough wind played with her long hair. She hadn't braid them today.

"We want to make some dinner before your parents leave. Come back. I'll make you an extra big sandwich with fresh salad, okay?"

"I don't wan to! Are you deaf?" Setsuna stroked some strands behind her ears, still staring at a fixed point of the horizon only she could see.

"No, but you are behaving like a small child!"

"That says the one who drinks so much alcohol until she believes that nothing's funnier in this world than a street sign!"

"A small child isn't able to drink alcohol."

"Oh, but a reasonable adult wears only a short dress in autumn. When it's so cold! Forgetting her jacket and warm boots!"

Elza rolled her eyes and stepped a little bit closer to her best friend.

"You know the way I am, Sissy-chan. Sometimes I do things without thinking much."

"Oh yes, I know!" Setsuna narrowed her eyes, still watching the waves as if she hadn't seen anything more interesting before. "How could I ever be so stupid to forget that for a brief moment!"

"That wasn't something I did just for fun, Sissy-chan," mutteredd Elza and felt how she blushed deeply. Orpheus ran by, barking happily, but she didn't even notice him. "I've always been too shy. I mean, you've always been so distant and you never reacted when I tried to tell you how I feel. So I drank a little bit alcohol to be a little bit braver. But before I could come to you and talk to you, you've been there and brought me home. I am often doing a lot of things without thinking about it beforehand, but to you kiss wasn't one of those actions."

For a long time there was silence between them and Elza really hoped that Setsuna would understand her now. Her heart beat like crazy in her chest and her hands were suddenly ice cold. This conversation was important. Really important for her.

"I love you, Sissy-chan."

It took her all her courage to say this sentence aloud. A sentence she had wanted to tell her best friend for years, but never knew if Setsuna would return her feelings. Now it was out. She couldn't take it back, she couldn't change the past. She could only wait for Setsuna's reaction and hope that she wouldn't push her away now.

"Oh, yeah." Setsuna's cynical tone let Elza's heart froze. "And I shall believe you? Why? You've made a joke out of every serious situation during the last years. Even yesterday, for you the kiss wasn't real. It was funny! Hope you laughed a lot about it!" Setsuna kept staring at the horizon and gulped. Somehow her whole mouth seemed to taste bitter.

"But Sissy-chan..."

"Stop with that, Elza. Just stop. It's not fun anymore."

"It had never been a joke, Sissy-chan. Haven't you notice that? It's my seriousness that I love you!"

At that moment Setsuna turned around. It was so suddenly that Elza stumbled backwards. Setsuna, howver, grabbed her jacket and pulled her closer for some moments.

"I don't believe you, Elza. You've showed me more than once that you didn't mean your words. Guess you don't know what real seriousness is." The next moment she let her go and Elza fell backwards in the wet sand. Orpheus was by her side and pushed a small branch in her lap. To show her that he wanted her to play with him. To throw the branch so that he could bring it back. Excitedly, he whimpered and rubbed his big head on her chest. Elza didn't notice him. She looked up into Setsuna's green eyes and was shocked as she saw the cold there. The deep pools she loved so much weren't soft any longer. Now, they were hard and distant.

"Sissy-chan..."

"Go and live your life the way you've done before. Take yourself another boyfriend, even if it's just a bet you've lost, but count me out, okay?" Setsuna grabbed the branch and threw it away. It landed far away in the wet sand and Orpheus ran barking through the low water to catch it. Elza watched the dog and wondered when Setsuna had learned to threw things so well and so wide. Normally, she had been the worst pupil in her sport class.

"But..." she tried again to talk to Setsuna, but the tall woman didn't want to talk to her in return.

"It's over, Elza. You've already hurt me enough." Setsuna bowed down and for a brief moment Elza feared that she would slap her, but the taller woman corrected her jacket instead and turned away. "I don't want to end as one of your party jokes, Elza."

With those words Setsuna walked away, leaving a confused Elza behind who was knocked over as Orpheus jumped on her. Whimpering happily. With a branch between his teeth.

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Elza hummed to the melody of the CD player. It was a pop song all radio stations had played over and over again on the air, therefore she had to buy the CD today. The school dance would take place in two days, but Elza wasn't sure if she would go to the festival. She wasn't in the mood to celebrate. Not after the fight she had had with Setsuna almost a week ago. During the past six days they had hardly spoken to each other and Elza considered more than once to stay at home and to leave the Meioh-family in peace, but then she decided against. That would have been like giving up, and Elza had never lost a battle. No, she would fight for her love. Although she didn't know how she should do that.

Right now she taking care of their dinner: noodles with tomato soup and a lot of cheese. It was easy to do and no meat was involved. Setsuna was still away because of her firm and Haruka and Michiru had left for the hospital three hours ago. However, they had promised Elza to be back around six. As every afternoon. Michiru had cancelled a lot of rehearsals during the past days and Elza had never seen her like that: suddenly, Michiru wasn't as strict, as distant any longer as she had been her entire life or at least the past eight years Elza had known her. School and her violin weren't the most important things in her life any longer. Instead, she took care of Haruka and her little daughter.

_Whoever this girl is and wherever Michiru got to know her, she's a good influence. Michi needed a real good friend. She's much more open now. _

Elza rubbed the cheese while she sang along to the refrain. The only lines she could remember from the famous song yet. She raised her head as the door was opened and Michiru entered the room. She looked a little bit pale and exhausted. Elza knew what was wrong with Hime-chan and she knew that they didn't find a new heart for her today, again. Surely, Michiru hadn't slept a lot or at least not very well, but she never complained. Still, they went to school, but cancelled everything else. Only Elza stayed all afternoon at school after their lessons were over to do her training. Only today she could go home earlier, because their trainer coach had a special meeting to attend.

"Noodles will be ready in five minutes, you're right in time. Something new?"

"No." Michiru shook her head and sat down at the already set table. Slowly, she closed her eyes and sighed deeply. Another week was already over, had passed quickly. Almost too fast. They didn't have a lot of time left and she got more and more depressed with every day she couldn't help little Hotaru. Then, Michiru bowed and picked up her school bag, but not to make homework, as they often had done after dinner during the last days, but to search for a special sheet.

"Where's Haruka?"

"She's changing nappies upstairs."

Elza nodded and finished the cheese. She put it on the table and looked over Michiru's shoulder.

"What's that?"

"That's an invitation to that damn school dance this Saturday. My conductor wants me to play. Some of the older songs, because I've missed so many rehearsals the last weeks." Michiru yawned and crumbled the paper slightly in her hands. "But I have no idea if I should really go. I mean, there are more important things in this world than to play my violin."

"Amazing to hear that from you." Elza watched the noodles and gave them secretly some more moments.

"Well..." Michiru blushed slightly, but her face was too pale to become really red. "A lot has happened since I claimed something different."

"And you're right. But I think you should go. It's just this one evening. Four hours won't be that much and don't worry, I can baby sit Hime-chan."

"But didn't your sports team want to go to the school dance to show a little programme during the show?"

"Yeah, but they can do that without me. Besides, I have no one who would go with me to the dance. And to go alone, that's boring."

"You wouldn't be alone if I'd decide to come, too," thought Michiru aloud and covered her plate with the sheet. "Sissy could baby sit Hime-chan, although I'd prefer to do that myself."

"Setsuna? Forget it! All she sees are her computers! She can't take care of Hime-chan properly!" snapped Elza suddenly very angrily and took care of her noodles.

_Setsuna?_

_Not Sissy-chan?_

Michiru frowned, because she had felt that there was something going on between her sister and the red haired girl. Okay, they often had their fights, but normally they were over after a day. This fight, however, had already lasted for almost an entire week. Yet, whenever Michiru had tried to talk to one of them, they said something unimportant and left the room.

"Hm... that smells delicious, Elza." Haruka entered the kitchen, holding her daughter in her arms. She sat down next to Michiru and started patiently to feed the little girl. "What's that?" she glanced over to the sheet on the table and tried to read the heading upside down.

"Oh, just an invitation to the school dance. I'm supposed to play some songs, but I am not sure if I should go," answered Michiru and put the sheet away. "I'll think it over. First, I want something to eat."

"I think it would be a good idea. You cancelled so many rehearsals because of the doctor's appointments, I don't want you to give up your music." Haruka held the bottle a little bit higher and Hotaru drank a little bit louder.

Michiru watched her for a moment in silence, then she smiled softly.

"Don't worry, I'll have enough time for my violin later."

_Later._

_After the operation._

_If there's going to be an operation._

"Did you finally get back your math test?" asked Elza to change the topic and put their meal on the table. Michiru made a tortured face while Haruka nodded.

"Don't ask me," groaned Michiru. "I am not a genius."

"But seventy percent are not bad for you, Michi." Haruka thanked Elza for putting some noodles on her plate. She would finish feeding little Hotaru before she would start to eat her own dinner.

"It's a tragedy compared to my music grades." Michiru stood up and Elza rolled her eyes as she saw how her friend searched for the mustard.

"Do you really have to eat everything with mustard?" asked the red haired girl and put a thick layer of cheese on her noodles. "My tomato soup is really good. I didn't confuse salt and sugar this time."

"I am sure," giggled Michiru and opened the mustard bottle. "But this is what I like, so don't make such a face and eat, okay?"

"Okay." Elza shrugged her shoulders and started to wolf down her dinner. She was very hungry, because she had to skip lunch. Somehow she forgot her purse, as she had forgotten so many things during the past days. Her thoughts always spun around wildly and mostly centred on one person: Setsuna. However, no matter how hard she thought about this muddled situation, she couldn't find a solution.

They ate in silence, listening to Elza's new pop music. After a while Hotaru was finished and Haruka started to eat, as well. They talked a little bit about what was going on at school and who was dating whom. They were already finished as the door to the living room opened and Setsuna came in. One second later the pop music died away. Setsuna looked stressed. She was still wearing her costume. It was dark and let her look strangely sad. She was still holding her laptop computer in her hands as she walked over to the cooker and looked into the pots.

"Again vegetarian food," she complained without any greeting and opened the fridge. "No thanks, I'll take something else." With a chocolate bar she wanted to leave the kitchen, but Michiru held her back.

"Hey, Sissy, we're here. Did I miss a thing or is it out to greet the family?"

"Oh, right." Setsuna smiled guiltily at her smaller sister and stroked some dark green strands behind her ears that had escaped her braid. "Hello Michi, hello Haruka. How has your day been?" Quickly, she went over to the cradle and stroked lovingly through fluffy dark hair.

"Fine."

"That's nice." With those words Setsuna stood up and left the room again. The door to her own room was closed a little bit too loudly.

"What the hell is going on?" Michiru reached for her glass and looked over to Elza who had put her fork away. Suddenly, she wasn't hungry any longer.

"We had a fight," she muttered and suddenly didn't look like the cheeky, always laughing girl any more Haruka had got to know over the past two months.

"Why?" asked the blonde and put some more cheese over her noodles. She simply liked cheese, she didn't even need the tomato soup. "Did you steal one of her CDs or did you crash one of her computers?"

"No..."

"Then you should try to be friends again. That's not bearable. You are depressed and she's stressed. And we're in the middle of it and don't know how to react." Michiru drank some gulps of her tea and made a face as she promptly burned her tongue.

"I don't think that this will ever be possible." Elza rose quickly and ran out of the kitchen. Some moments later they heard the bang of the front door and the noises Elza's mountain bike made when she pushed the pedals too hard.

"What the hell..." whispered Michiru shocked, but Haruka couldn't give her an answer. She was the same speechless.

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"I still can't believe that they really came." Michiru stepped into Haruka's room, still brushing her hair. She already wore her dark blue evening dress. The school dance was to start in about an hour and Michiru had finally agreed to give a little concert, as well, together with her orchestra and also as a soloist. Originally, Setsuna had offered her to baby sit little Hotaru, but Michiru didn't want her to stay at home when she was invited, as well. Setsuna already sat too often in front of her computer screens as it were; she should go out and have fun this even, as well. Therefore, Haruka wanted to stay at home, but Michiru wanted her to accompany her; to have some fun and to forget her daughter's problems for at least three hours. The days had been very hard for all of them and one look in tired green eyes told Michiru that Haruka hadn't slept a lot. Certainly, she sat next to the cradle all night, listening to her daughter's regular breaths, watching the tiny body move. Consequently, Elza wanted to stay home, but then Setsuna and Elza had a big fight, because Setsuna said that Elza was too young to take care for little Hotaru on her own. They screamed really loudly at each other until Michiru told them to shut up. She'd rather not go to that dance than seeing them arguing with no real reason.

"Oh, they just needed a reason to take care of Hime-chan," giggled Haruka who stood in front of the bathroom's mirror and fought with her tuxedo. Michiru stepped over to her and corrected the collar. From the corners of her eyes she saw that the cradle was empty, the oxygen gone.

"They already took her?"

"Of course," the smile on Haruka's pale face deepened and Michiru wished to see her always that happy.

It had been Setsuna who had finally called her parents and asked them if they wanted to take care of little Hotaru that evening. Only for that evening. If that was possible. Because they simply couldn't find a good solution and knew that they would argue all evening if they would all stay at home.

Much to their surprise, Setsuna's and Michiru's parents agreed. They cancelled an interview they would have had this evening and flew all the way from Nagasaki to Tokyo. Now they were downstairs, talking to Setsuna and teasing little Hotaru around. The granddaughter they had always wanted to have and now finally got. They arrived even a little bit earlier than Setsuna had expected them to. Elza was already at school. The sport team wanted to present some sport exercises and therefore they had trained all afternoon. Michiru sensed that Elza didn't want to come to them before the school dance would start anyway. She felt that Elza and her big sister had had a terrible fight, but she didn't know why. Yet, no matter how often she had tried to talk to Setsuna, she never got a clear answer. Mostly, Setsuna only sighed and walked away, leaving Michiru confused behind. Confused and helpless.

"You mother's a great grandmother," admitted Haruka and fought with her hair, but soon she gave up. They always looked as if she had awoken merely two seconds ago and she didn't want to use gel, because then she would have looked as if she had wet hair. And the weather didn't look like rain. It looked more like snow.

_Winter..._

Haruka looked at herself in the mirror, seeing again herself. How she had looked during the past winter. All alone. Desperate. Wondering why she had been the surviving one. She and not Hikari.

"Hime-chan's a great ganddaughter. My parents fell in love with her the moment they saw her," Michiru smiled and watched Haruka closer. Then she stepped on her toes and corrected Haruka's hair with her hair brush. "So, now you look perfect."

"Surely not," groaned Haruka and shrugged her shoulders. "But as long as you take me like this, it's okay."

_**- Do you really want to take me as I am? -**_

_**- Hika-chan, what are you talking about? We're friends, aren't we? I like you the way you are.-**_

_**- No one ever wanted me the way I am. Not as a daughter, not as a girlfriend. Not as a friend.-**_

_**- But I want you as a friend. So stop with that nonsense and come. It's quite late. We should find a place to stay for the night. -**_

_**- But... -**_

Haruka had never understood what Hikari had meant. She had never been rejected. Her parents had loved her. They didn't throw her out like Hikari's parents. Their only fault was to die too suddenly, too early. The orphanage didn't push her away for she had been the one running away. Haruka hadn't been so long on the street, she only got to know what real rejection meant over the coming weeks. When no one wanted her. No one except Hikari who had only wanted to be her friend, nothing more.

"You look pretty!" Michiru glanced at her watch and screamed silently. "And it's already quite late. Let's go!"

Haruka had never understood Hikari, but that evening, after two years walking through hell, after so many times of being rejected, of being an object, not a human to so many people, of being all alone, she knew what the red haired girl had meant such a long time ago. At the moment when Michiru said the adjective that didn't seem to fit to the Tenô Haruka she had become. At the moment when Michiru simply took her hand and pulled her with her.

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"We want to play some happier songs this evening. And at least one waltz so that the pupil can dance along to the music," explained Michiru while they crossed the big school hall. Still it was empty. The only people running around where the teachers, the people of the orchestra and some of the sport's team. Michiru looked around, but she couldn't see Elza anywhere.

"Is anyone able to dance a waltz?" Haruka walked over the stage and looked down to the still invisible audience.

"Of course. It's tradition to do a dance course when you are fourteen. But for those who don't like that music, we also asked some good singers from the choir to sing some popular songs. Guess there will be music for everyone to have fun." Michiru opened her violin case and took care of her instrument. "Aren't you able to dance?"

Haruka didn't even listen to Michiru any longer. She watched Tamara who entered the hall. Obviously, it was her task to take care of the food. Or she was thirsty, because she was holding a cup of red juice in her hands. Maybe cherry or strawberry juice or something like that. She grinned evilly and came over to them. Her white dress looked good and created a nice contrast to her dark hair, but Haruka didn't like the look on her face. Quickly, she glanced over to Michiru who was already lost in her world of music. She had put some notes out and played some difficult parts of her solo song again. She didn't have a lot of time during the past days, because they were more at hospital than at home. The doctor had already wanted to keep Hotaru in hospital to be able to control her tiny body better, but Haruka didn't want her daughter to stay there. In a big, white bed. Where she looked even more sick. She wanted her to be home. Haruka didn't tell Michiru to not upset her any further, but if everything turned for the worst she didn't want her daughter to die in hospital. A hospital was so impersonal. So cold. So distant. If they wouldn't be able to find a new heart in time, Haruka wanted her daughter to die in peace. At a place she knew, where she felt love. She didn't want her to be alone nor frightened.

_I shouldn't think of it! Not right now!_

Haruka sighed deeply and ran with her icy hands over her tired eyes. No, she didn't want to think of the worst, but since Hotaru's attack she couldn't control her thoughts any longer. The same she could hardly sleep any longer. Always she had to control her daughter: whether she was still alive, whether she was still breathing. She didn't want to go to school any longer nor did she want to go to this dance. She only wanted to be with her daughter and enjoy the moments when Hotaru was awake and felt well. When she grabbed with her tiny hands for her strands and laughed silently. Silently but happily. However, Haruka couldn't say no when Michiru asked her so friendly to come with her to the dance. The blonde knew that Hotaru was save with the Meioh's. Aiko loved the little girl and wouldn't do her any harm. She wanted to help, as well. Yet, if anything would go wrong, Haruka wanted to be there for her daughter. _If..._

_No! Nothing will go wrong! The doctor's very positive. We only need a new heart!_

_Only?_

_You've been waiting for so many weeks now and nothing has happened._

_You only have a few weeks left._

_Do you think they will find a heart in time?_

_Do you think?_

_Hm?_

_Shut up!_

Haruka took a deep breath and went down the five steps leading from the stage to the hall. She almost crashed into Tamara who walked determinedly over to them. Still, she was holding that juice in her hands.

"Hello Tamara," said Haruka and stood right in her way. Michiru was alone on the stage, playing her melodies. Haruka knew too well how mean Tamara could be.

"That stuff doesn't suit you, Haruka," answered the girl without a greeting. "You aren't like her. You should wear a nice dress instead." She wanted to get upstairs, but Haruka held her back.

"What if I am like her?" she asked warningly and grabbed for the juice. Tamara tried to hold it back, but Haruka was faster and soon she held the cup in her hand. "Leave her in peace, Tamara. Leave us all in peace, okay? This evening is the school dance and we all want to have fun and not to get angry at you."

_Michiru has looked so happy all afternoon, I don't want her to be sad. _

"Do you want to give me any orders?" Tamara crossed her arms before her chest and pouted like a little girl.

_We have bigger problems than fighting with you, silly brat._

"No, but good advice."

"And if I don't care for your advice?"

Haruka's eyes narrowed and her hands shook slightly.

_You are not important, but you wouldn't understand that, would you? You are too blind to understand anything._

"Have you been afraid of the milk bottle? Be sure, I am able to use worse." With those words Haruka threw the red juice into a near dustbin, making sure that Tamara wouldn't be able to dirty Michiru's dark blue dress with. To humiliate her. To make her sad and maybe even cry.

_I will always protect the ones I love. Always._

"Have fun, Tamara. With your own friends. Not with the ones you don't like at all." Haruka turned around and went again upstairs to help Michiru to bring her violin case and her jacket behind the stage and to say hello to her conductor.

_But that's something that you wouldn't understand anyway, Tamara._

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_**- Have fun, Sissy! -**_

Still Setsuna heard her younger sister's voice in her head. That she shouldn't stay at home. That she should go out. That their parents would take care of little Hotaru. That she simply should have fun.

_Sure!_

Setsuna felt uncomfortable in the dark green dress she was wearing. It covered her feet completely, but the clipping was too wide. Of course her mother had told her that she looked beautiful. That it fitted perfectly to her hair she had put together in a complicate knot in her neck. That she should wear her mother's earrings, as well. Setsuna had even used make up she normally hated and only wore whenever she had to present something in front of her firm's bosses.

_Sure! I am having so much fun! I can hardly stand it!_

Setsuna sighed deeply and served herself another orange juice. Because this was a school dance, alcohol was strictly forbidden, but somehow she wished herself a big glass with sake.

She came alone, of course. Most of her old classmates came with their boyfriends. Two of them were even married and already mothers. They had bought their little babies with them. Although they wouldn't stay the whole evening, they certainly would stay long enough to show their little family around with pride - and to make Setsuna jealous like hell. Of course they didn't know that they made her jealous. They couldn't know that she was 22 and didn't have a partner. That she had never had a partner in her life. That she got her first real kiss only this month. That her first real kiss had been a fake.

_Damn! It's so funny here that I almost cry!_

Setsuna served herself another orange juice and her mood sank several degrees. She wished to be at home instead. To work on her programmes or to simply play a computer game while having little Hotaru sleeping by her side in her cradle.

_Maybe I should really go?_

Setsuna turned around, but stopped as she saw Elza leaning against the opposite wall. She wore her short sport outfit. Her hair was messed and she looked exhausted. Certainly, her trainer made them practise a little bit too much, as always. This time, however, Setsuna wouldn't go to him and start to a big argument. Elza was old enough to decide how much sport she could take. The red haired girl yawned slightly and glanced over to the stage. She didn't seem to see Setsuna. Nor did she search for her in the slowly growing mass.

Setsuna bit on her lower lip and put the orange juice away. Suddenly, she was feeling sick. Elza used to run to her in such situations and to tell her happily all the things she had experienced during the afternoon. Elza used to tease her around and to show her the new moves she had learned proudly. Even if everything else all had been just a joke, Setsuna knew that their friendship hadn't been. Hell, she missed the old Elza! She wanted her to come jumping over to her, to stand on both hands before her and to laugh loudly. To be the same crazy Elza again. Yet, the same time Setsuna knew that this was impossible. Not as long as Elza teased her around with her love life. Or better, with the love life she didn't have at all.

_When she pretends to love me and then makes a big joke out of it, it hurts too much._

Setsuna sighed deeply and really wanted to go as she heard the music starting to play on the stage. She turned her head and saw Michiru standing on the stage together with her orchestra. They played a well known song and soon a lot of couples came to the dance floor and started to dance. Michiru stood in front of the orchestra as solo violin. Her eyes were closed, but a happy smile laid on her face.

_She looks like mommy when she plays..._

Setsuna smiled sadly and moved her right hand to the rhythm of the music. Michiru looked really happy, although the past days had been very hard. Now Setsuna knew about Hotaru's illness and she knew whom they visited in the afternoon, right after school, returning shortly before dinner. Michiru had started to make her homework in the night, as well as she practised her violin play when she found time. Quite often she didn't find the time, although Setsuna assumed that it was almost alike for her younger sister. Hotaru was more important to her than anything else on this world.

The curtain moved slightly and Setsuna could see Haruka standing behind, watching Michiru in silence. A small smile was on her normally pale face.

_She carries the hardest burden of us all..._

Setsuna sighed again deeply. It was alike to her now if Haruka was Sailor Uranus. Hotaru was more important right now than to solve the secret of the third senshi. Yet Setsuna sensed that Haruka thought a lot about all the problem surrounding her: that she couldn't transform. That she was so deep in their debt. That Hotaru had to survive an extremely complicate and dangerous operation - if they would get a heart in time.

Haruka yawned slightly behind the curtain and seemed to hold it tighter than necessary.

_Maybe we demanded too much from her? Of course a senshi has to sustain all this pressure. But what if she's not Uranus? What if she's just a normal girl with a lot of problems? Did we have the right to demand that she goes to school again? That she fights against those youmas, although she's not able to transform and to defend herself with her powers? That her weapon isn't a planet but a simple broken bottle or a little knife? _

Did Michiru exaggerate this time? With her second change? With her obsession in finding the third senshi?

_Did I make the wrong decision in letting her do all this stuff?_

Setsuna's look left the stage and for a long time she stared at Elza who was still leaning against the other wall.

_Did I make the right decision in not telling her the truth?_

_The truth about our mission? About Michi and me being sailor senshi?_

_The truth about my feelings? Then she would have never made a big joke out of it. But maybe I would have lost her then..._

Setsuna grabbed her handbag and flew out of the hall. Suddenly, she didn't feel well any longer. Suddenly, she couldn't breath any longer. The air was so stale and her stomach seemed to kill her.

So many questions and so few answers...

Setsuna gasped for breath as she stumbled outside the school building. Cold wind welcomed her and the clouds looked like snow. Her jacket was still inside the dance hall, but she wouldn't return to get it. Not yet. Maybe later. Maybe in ten minutes or so. Right now she needed a little bit time on her own.

_** Have fun, Sissy. **_

_Sure. I have fun, Michi. __I laugh, I can't stop crying so much do I have to laugh!_

Setsuna shook her head and crossed the school yard to sit down on a bank under a tree. It almost lost all its leaves and looked naked and a little bit lost. The trunk was grey in the twilight of the street lamps. Setsuna wrapped her arms before her freezing body and ignored the little clouds forming before her mouth. It had become damn cold during the past week. Autumn was almost gone, winter would come soon. It was only a matter of weeks and it would be Christmas. Although Setsuna had no idea how to celebrate it, especially with Elza who only argued with her. Once she had been her best friend. And now? Now she only yelled at her.

_We grew up together._

Setsuna raised her head and looked up to the sky. Some stars sparkled between the clouds. Again she was reminded of all the funny things she had done with Elza, of all the crazy stuff they had shared: playing jokes on Setsuna's parents or Elza's grandparents; skipping school; once even going together on their own little vacations, even though they never made it out of the neighbourhood – not when they were still in kindergarten and elementary school. Before they go to know Michiru and even after. Elza accepted Michiru quickly. As part of Setsuna's and so as part of her own family, as well.

Setsuna sighed deeply as she felt again the ghost of the sweet kiss on her lips. Heard again Elza's high voice in her head.

_** It sounds like fun, doesn't it? **_

For Elza everything had been funny in her life: school, sport, friends. Setsuna liked the open hearted girl the way she was: always saying what she thought, never to mince matters. Laughing, even when she was falling over her own feet and hurting herself. Always happy, always outgoing. But love... that was something too holy for Setsuna. A love that sounded like fun – and nothing more - was ridiculous in her eyes. And her own love felt too damn real, it couldn't be ridiculous.

Setsuna groaned slightly and opened her bag. To get out her handkerchief and to wipe away the make up from her face. She hated it and she wouldn't dance on this stupid school dance anyway. No, she wouldn't be happy on this festival, anyway. She didn't want to dance with any guy. Not even with her old class mates. She only wanted to dance with one single person on this dance. Yet this person would only laugh at her request and make another big joke out of it. Better she forgot all this stuff and went home. To talk a little bit with her parents she hardly saw and then to watch little Hotaru sleep.

_** Have fun, Sissy. **_

_Sure, I am having the time of my life!_

Setsuna stood up and wanted to go over to the hall to get her jacket and to grab her car keys. To escape this sad festival where all people were far too happy for her.

At that moment a shadow shot out of the bushes and attacked her.

dbdbdb

Elza gasped for breath as she entered the big hall. The music didn't play yet, but she could see all the musicians sitting on the stage, looking attentive at their conductor searching for the right notes.

_I am sure Michi will play again like a goddess._

Elza grinned and fought to get through the mass, to have a better view at the sea green haired girl.

_Didn't Setsuna want come, too?_

Elza grabbed a cup with ice tea and drank it in one gulp. Then she took again a deep breath and searched the hall with her eyes. The last training had been exhausting and silently she asked herself how she should be able to show their programme perfectly in just 45 minutes.

_Normally I am not that quickly exhausted._

Elza stepped on her tip toes and tried to overlook all the big guys next to her. Sometimes it bugged her that she was so small. She was half a head smaller than Setsuna and even Michiru seemed to be a little bit taller than her. Even if it was only for half an inch.

_Normally I sleep a little bit more._

However, during the last nights nightmares were hunting her down. Since that evening when Setsuna yelled at her and left her room so quickly, she had felt alone in her bed which suddenly seemed to be too big. Big monsters were killing her in her dreams and more than once she woke up. Panting. Trembling.

_Normally I eat a little bit more._

She tried to eat as much as she normally did, but nothing tasted. She simply wasn't hungry. Instead she felt sick. Sick and broken. Deep inside.

Elza jumped a little bit and finally she was able to see Setsuna. She was standing on the other side of the hall. Drinking something and looking towards the stage. Certainly, she observed her little sister and wanted to watch her play. She was wearing that beautiful dark green dress and something sparkled at her ears.

_Surely her mother's earrings_.

Elza put her own cup away and tried to fight through the mass of people. To get over to her Sissy-chan. To tease her around. To try to turn back time. To behave as if nothing had happened. To hope that Setsuna would forget their fight and that they could be friends. Just like they used to be. To start anew again and one day to be more... maybe... more...

_** I don't believe you, Elza. **_

The rough voice in her head hit her and she stumbled backwards. She observed Setsuna getting herself another cup of juice and let her shoulders hang.

_I can't simply go to her like that. She had been so cold to me at the beach. She's only argued with me the past weeks. She doesn't like me any longer._

Elza leaned herself against the wall, not able any longer to look over to the woman she loved. Loved with all her heart. To the woman who didn't believe in her feelings.

_What did I do wrong?_

_I've been only teasing her around! But I never joked about my feelings!_

_Why doesn't she believe me any longer?_

_Why..._

Elza raised her head and looked up to the stage. Seeing Michiru standing there. Playing her violin with all her passion. With closed eyes. Barefoot. As always. They had to take care of the stage before she played so that she wouldn't get hurt of splinters or other sharp things lying on the stage. Maybe some other musicians complained of her craziness, but as soon as they heard her play, they took the broom voluntarily to clean the stage after every song.

_Why..._

Elza sighed deeply and listened to the song for a while. The people next to her went to the dance floor and started to dance. However, Elza wasn't in the mood for dancing. She was still wearing her sport outfit and she knew that the only person she wanted to dance with wouldn't want to dance. Not with her. The joker. The baka. The liar.

_I never lied to her!_

It hurt. It hurt incredibly. Elza had never had the courage to tell Setsuna her true feelings. And when she finally had been brave enough to tell her the truth, Setsuna pushed her away and didn't believe in her words.

_This all can't be true. It simply can't be true!_

Elza closed her eyes and listened to the soft music for a while. As she opened them again, she saw how Setsuna grabbed her bag and went towards the exit.

_Nani?_

_She's already leaving?_

Elza glanced at her watch. Still there were 30 minutes left for her, until she would have to do their sport programme together with her friends from the sport's team. Enough time to talk to Setsuna again. In peace.

_Somehow there must be a way to convince this stubborn girl that I am not lying!_

Elza stroked some strands out of her forehead and followed the tall woman secretly.

dbdbdb

Haruka stood behind the curtain and watched Michiru play. She could have gone down to the dance floor, as well. To watch her from there - just like some many other pupils did, but she didn't. She didn't feel comfortable with all those people. Here no one would look strange at her. Here she had her peace.

_She looks beautiful..._

Haruka held the curtain a little bit tighter and watched the sea green haired girl playing the violin. She didn't need any notes. She seemed to play what she felt. This song sounded happy. And a little bit longing. Michiru's cheeks were redden and a smile was on her lips.

Suddenly she looked so different from the spoiled girl Haruka had got to know only some months ago. At the gas station where Haruka had just lost her job. Offering her a fortune simply to talk to her. Haruka still blushed in shame whenever she thought of her own reaction. That she had believed that Michiru did not only want to talk to her but to do other things.

Ugly things Hikari had described to her. Dangerous things she had seen herself, as well. So many times before.

_Sh'se changed._

Again Haruka saw Michiru sitting on the couch, feeding little Hotaru. Obviously very, very scared to hurt the little girl. Then with a little bit more self-confidence. And finally with so much patience and love. Again she saw Michiru swimming in her swimming pool, playing with little Hotaru who splashed her with water. Again she saw Michiru sitting next to her bed, taking care of her while she felt so ill. Again she saw Michiru holding her in her arms, saying to her that it was okay, even if she would have been that ill. Again she saw Michiru smiling at her this evening, because she was happy to go to that school dance. Just like she had been happy that her parents actually came to take care of Hime-chan. That they accepted the little girl so quickly.

_I love her..._

Haruka held the curtain again a little bit tighter and sighed deeply. She had known her feelings. Not only since yesterday. She had fallen in love with that girl weeks ago, maybe even months. With a girl who could be strict. Who fought as Sailor Neptune against youmas. Who protected her family with all her powers. Who took care of a total stranger and her little daughter. Who did everything that was in her might to heal little Hotaru. Who argued with Haruka after they got the results and talked to the doctor for hours to find the best solution. Who could play the violin so well and make so many people happy with her music. Who could be so desperate herself. Who took those pills, because the burden with all that senshi stuff, with Hotaru's illness and with Haruka's inability to transform into that Uranus had been too much for her.

_She's a beautiful girl with a big heart. Sometimes too big..._

_And I love her..._

Haruka had started to dream that crazy dream a long time ago. She realized it at that moment when Michiru embraced her, held her tight. Caressed her scar that crossed her belly. However, she knew that it was only a dream. Michiru was rich and only wanted to help her. She only wanted her friendship and her help to find the talismans. Certainly, she helped Hotaru, because Michiru felt responsible for the little girl, because she loved Hime-chan, as well. Just like the rest of her lovely family. Yet, they would never be more than friends.

_I am a nobody. I didn't finish school, I've spent two years in hell. I have a daughter, but no father for her. I can't even tell her who her father is. I don't have a proper job. I can't even rescue my Hime-chan. All I have, all that I am now, is because Michiru gave it to me. Without her I would still work in some low paid job while Hime-chan would become more and more ill. While she would die slowly... and I wouldn't even realize it._

Haruka gulped and looked at her arms, almost seeing the scars under the jacket.

_No one wants someone like me as a girlfriend._

_Not when I am not even able to fulfil my part of the contract. I can't transform, I can't fight. I can't even protect them. Not really. I am weak, a total loser._

Nevertheless, she loved her. She couldn't define if those feelings were different from the ones she had once felt for Hikari. She had never been allowed to hold Hikari tight. The time had been different. They had to fight every day to survive. Hikari went away with strangers while Haruka robbed old ladies and broke into closed shops. They both let down their pride and had no hope left any longer. While Hikari let herself sink into darkness, Michiru was Haruka's light. Her lifeline...

"Do you want to dance with me?"

Haruka jerked around and stared at Michiru who stood suddenly next to her. Her violin laid on a chair in the stage's shadows. In the background, the orchestra played on. A young woman Haruka didn't know stood now on the stage, holding a micro in her hands. Her long blonde hair sparkled in the lamp's light. Surely she was a choir girl and now she would sing a nice song for them. Certainly something romantic for all the couples at the dance.

"Nani?"

"I asked you if you want to dance with me. I have some minutes free, because Minako's singing some songs now. She's very good and because I have to play some more solo songs I don't have to play the background music together with the orchestra." Michiru smiled that smile that made Haruka's heart melt and took her hand to lead her behind the stage. There were some chairs at one wall where their instrument cases, their bags and their jackets were.

"But I am not able to dance!" protested Haruka and looked unsure around, but there was no one there. No one who could look strangely at them or shout at them. No one who could tell them to go to the dance floor if they wanted to dance. From a far distant the background music grew softer and certainly the blonde girl would start to sing. It was a slow, romantic song. Nothing complicate. However, for Haruka who had never learned how to dance everything seemed to be too hard.

"I'm not very musical."

"But Elza told me that you are able to play the piano."

"Not very well."

"Elza told me something different."

"Whom do you trust more? Elza or me?" Haruka pouted a little bit and Michiru had to giggle. The sea green haired girl looked really happy. Her deep blue eyes sparkled and her hands were warm as she leaded Haruka to the middle of the hidden stage.

"Depends on."

"On what?"

"Elza knows how to cook."

"I knew it!" groaned Haruka, but had to grin as Michiru giggled again.

"Let's just dance. It's really not complicate. Just do the same I do." Michiru stepped closer to the tall blonde and showed her how to hold her. Then she started to move in the slow rhythm of the song. Haruka gulped, but did as she was told. A little bit afraid that she would step on Michiru's feet. Still the smaller girl was barefoot and Haruka didn't want to hurt her. During the next minutes, however, she relaxed a little bit. Michiru's happy smile looked simply too beautiful and for this small moments Haruka wanted to forget all this damn stuff going on around them. She wanted to forget that her little daughter was dangerously ill. She wanted to forget that Michiru was someone she would never reach. For those moments she wanted to dream. That she was a normal girl with a normal past. That she was someone acceptable for Michiru. That she was her best friend, because they got to know each other at school or in a music shop or somewhere else acceptable, and not because Michiru bought her. With a big note. With a contract Haruka couldn't refuse.

For just some moments she wanted to dream this sweet dream. That Michiru would love her in return. That Hotaru would survive without any complications. That Michiru wanted them both to stay. That this girl she was holding in her arms would be her future.

_I don't want to be alone again!_

_I don't want to go._

_I don't want her to leave me!_

Yet, Haruka knew that she would have to go when Hotaru was fine again and the tall blonde was still not able to transform into that Sailor Uranus. One more thing Haruka simply wanted to forget.

"Ruka?"

She blinked as she heard the soft voice. Slowly she lowered her head and looked again into eyes that were as deep as the sea before the house she had lived in for the last months.

"Everything alright?" Michiru smiled and didn't even notice that they stopped dancing. Or at least moving to the rhythm of the music.

_I love you._

Haruka gulped, then she nodded.

"You are still worried about Hime-chan, right?" Michiru didn't step out of Haruka's embrace. She only freed her right hand and stroked some strands out of Haruka's face. Saw the dark rings under the sparkling green eyes.

_I wish I could see her smile._

_I wish I could see her happy._

_I wish I could free her from all her demons!_

Michiru caressed through blonde hair and saw how green eyes darkened a little bit. Now they were deeper, more intensive. Haruka didn't react to her question, but Michiru didn't need an answer, anyway.

_I wish I could tell her that everything will be fine._

Again she saw Haruka standing in front of the gas station. Again she saw how she fed little Hotaru in the small, dirty flat at the end of the world. Again she saw how she bathed Hime-chan. How she fought the youma with a bottle. How she yelled at her, because she feared that it was too late, that her daughter wouldn't get a new heart. How she protected her although she couldn't transform. How she laid in bed... with high fever. How she knelt in the school's bathroom. Pale and shaking. How she yelled at her and threw those dangerous pills away. How she held her several times, comforting, tight. After her mother had left her to a concert and she had felt alone. After she had felt all alone and took those pills. She had held her tight. The whole night. Michiru had wished that this moment would last forever. Just like she wished that this moment would never go.

_I wish I would have been there for you earlier._

_As I wish that you've been here for me earlier..._

_"And can you feel the love tonight?_

_It is where we are_

_It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer_

_That we got this far_

_And can you feel the love tonight_

_How it's laid to rest?_

_It's enough to make kings and vagabonds_

_Believe the very best"_

They heard the choir girl's voice from a far distance. She was singing a very romantic song they all knew. Normally it was sung by a man's voice, but her voice was very nice, as well. Suddenly the lights were dimmed and some smaller lights sparkled in the twilight. They looked like candles. Certainly, that had been the idea of their ethics teacher. A very young teacher with a lot of ideals in her head. Certainly, she thought that this idea was wonderful and so the only thing that could be seen in the dance hall were the stage and some lights. Like candles. Or like glow worms.

_I love you, Michi._

Haruka held Michiru a little bit tighter. Not able to say that sentence out loud. Although she wanted to. Just like she had wanted to tell Hikari her true feelings. Out loud. Not only over hidden gestures Hikari understood but had to ignore because of her illness. Haruka had simply not been able to confess her her feelings... only when it had been too late. Much too late.

This time it was different. Michiru wasn't ill. Michiru wasn't like Hikari. Not at all. Michiru was different. Michiru was someone special, as well. Yet still she lived in another world. Maybe she had lived on the street for some week, as well, but she had been lucky. She found new parents while all Haruka found there had been despair. Despair and death.

_I can't tell her how I feel. Then she would be scared. Or afraid. Michiru deserves someone better. Not a wreck like me who has seen too much pain. We are bound together by this contract, I can't break it like this..._

Haruka gulped as Michiru's hand stopped the soft touch, instead covering her left cheek. It felt warm, comforting. Almost forgiving...

_I wish you would stay forever, Ruka._

However, the young violinist couldn't say it aloud. It wouldn't have been fair. Certainly, Haruka wanted to heal her daughter, to find the talismans and then to go away. Haruka would keep her part of the contract, Michiru knew her well enough to know that Haruka never broke a promise she made, but the tall girl surely wanted to stand on her own feet. Haruka was incredibly proud, even if she had to let down a lot of that pride because of her daughter. Certainly, she wanted to prove herself that she was able to live on her own if only her daughter was healthy.

Both looked each other deep into the eyes.

_I wish it so much..._

_"And can you feel the love tonight?"_

Michiru simply stepped on her tip toes and kissed the blonde. Without wondering much what she was doing. It simply felt right, therefore she didn't hesitate. She wrapped her arms around Haruka's waist and brought her nearer to her own slightly trembling body. At first, the tall blonde stiffed, but then she relaxed. Her arms rested around Michiru's shoulders as she closed her eyes and returned the kiss with all her feelings.

Forgotten were all problems.

Forgotten was their fear.

All that remained was the other one. Their intense feelings. That tender touch.

For at least that moment.

_"It's enough for this restless warrior_

_Just to be with you..."_

dbdbdb

It was cold outside the school building. Elza crept deeper into her jacket and cursed herself why she had to follow Setsuna in just her sport outfit: definitely too short pants and only sport shoes. The sky looked like snow and her breath danced in the form of clouds in front of her face. She clapped in her icy hands to warm then and ran across the school yard. There was no sight of Setsuna, but Elza was sure that she couldn't be too far away. It had taken the red haired girl some moments to find her jacket, but Setsuna couldn't have arrived at the parking lot and her car yet. The tall woman didn't take care of her own jacket, as well, and Elza knew that the car's keys were always in Setsuna's jacket. A habit that was very dangerous, but the tall woman never listened to her and therefore Elza kept silently the substitute key. Just in case.

"Sissy?" Elza shouted and speeded up. It was alike to her what Setsuna would think of her, but she wanted to talk to her. She wanted to solve that problem, no matter how the solution would look like. Maybe Setsuna really didn't believe her, maybe she didn't love her in return, but Elza was determined not to lose this good friend she had always had. If there was no other way, she would stay single and mourn over a love that was impossible for her. However, she didn't want to lose such a close friend, especially not Setsuna. If she couldn't have her love, she wanted at least to have her friendship.

"Sissy-chan?"

At that moment she saw the bright light. It seemed to evolve just around the corner, behind the gym. Under big trees that looked like ghosts now that autumn was almost over. Then Elza heard a scream. Of a well known voice.

"Setsuna!" Elza speeded even more up and was confronted with a strange situation as she turned around the corner. There was Setsuna leaning against the gym's wall. But she looked strange. Or better, the outfit she was wearing looked very strange. The dark green dress was gone. Instead she wore a short skirt and a top that looked a little bit like the school uniforms. Her hair wasn't tamed in a braid, but flew wide open in the cold evening wind and a golden band crossed her forehead. It looked a little bit like a crown. She was holding a long staff in her trembling hands. Her right leg was dirty and blood-stained. The tall woman was obviously injured.

_Sissy-chan!_

Elza stared at her in shock. Just like she gaped at the something that seemed to have hit the young woman. Or at least the remaining of that something. It didn't seem to move any longer, but the knifes still sparkled in the lamplight.

"Sissy-chan?" Elza was by Setsuna's side the next moment and grabbed her free arm. "Are you alright? Are you hurt? Say a word!" The red haired girl raised her head and looked directly into big dark eyes.

"What the hell are you doing here?" asked Setsuna confused and supported herself on the strange staff. Her leg seemed to hurt more than she wanted to give in.

"I've wanted to talk to you. But I guess we can do that later. Now you need a doctor." Elza turned her head and looked over to the broken thing and the blades. "Whatever that had been, it hurt you."

"That's nothing. Just a scratch!" growled Setsuna and pushed Elza away.

"Oh right, just a scratch. Is that why you hobble so much? Or is it just my imagination?" The red haired girl crossed her arms before her chest and looked provokingly at the taller woman. "Who's the liar now?"

"I've never said that you're a liar."

"No? Interesting!"

"I said that you're a joker."

Elza opened her mouth, but then shut it again. Silently, she stared at Setsuna for a long time and finally shook her head. At that moment when Setsuna wanted to turn around and to go back to the school hall, Elza stepped in her way. Angrily, she looked at her and spread her arms to let no doubt that she wouldn't let her pass until they had discussed the reasons of their argument. This time Setsuna wouldn't get the chance to run away.

"I am a funny girl, that's right. I always try to be happy, to cheer people up. I like jokes a lot and it's true, half of the day I am laughing about the strangest things. It's easy to make me laugh. But..." she took a deep breath and looked directly into dark eyes. So distant, so cold eyes. She shivered, but still didn't shriek away, didn't give up, never would. "I'd never joke about your feelings. Nor about mine!"

"I don't believe you," was all Setsuna said and tried to go, but again Elza stepped in her way. The tall woman rolled her eyes, but there was no chance to escape. Her right leg hurt like hell and she could barely walk. She already had to think of a good explanation how she got that badly injured. The doctor would ask. As would her parents.

_I need an explanation that everyone believes..._

However, the wound looked a lot like a wound done by a knife, not by falling over a stone or slipping on the icy ground. Setsuna had been able to defeat this youma alone as there had been no chance to call her little sister nor Haruka for help. Over the past weeks, she had felt how the youmas grew stronger with every attack. First Michiru and she had been able to defeat them alone, now they needed the help of Haruka. Even if the girl didn't transform yet. Today, Setsuna had tried it again to defeat a youma all of her own... and got hurt.

_We can't afford to get hurt._

_We need to find those talismans._

Setsuna looked directly into light green eyes and sighed slightly.

_And I need to get rid of her. As long as she doesn't ask stupid questions about the youma, my costume or my staff of time._

"Is that so easy for you to say?" Elza's eyes sparkled with anger and it looked as if she had other problems than a killed youma or her best friend's strange appearance. "Not to believe me any longer? Hell, Sissy-chan! You've know me for so many years now. Since I was a small baby! You could always trust me. Why not now? Why?"

"Because for you it's just a joke. Everything is a big party. The whole life. For me it's not!"

"Why the hell is everything for me a big joke? Just because I am not such a bloody pessimist the way you are?" Now Elza was screaming. "Why can't you be the same Setsuna I've known all those years? Why can't you just trust me???"

"Because you don't mean it." Setsuna shook her head and suddenly she looked very sad. "It's enough, Elza. Just let it be, okay? I'm tired of that discussion. I'm tired of all that damn stuff."

"Oh, so you want to give up? Simply like that? Do you want to throw our friendship away? Just like that? Just because you..."

"Aren't you listening? I am not talking about friendship, I'm..."

"You are the one not listening!" Elza's face was now redden. It fitted perfectly to her hair. "For over four years I've tried to tell you that I love you! Since I am thirteen and realized that I fell in love with you, I've tried to show it to you. Damn, I had been too shy to say that single sentence to you. I didn't know how you would react, so I try to show it to you. But every attempt was only a joke for you. Fuck! I love you! I love you! I love you! Can't you understand it? I mean it! Every single word!" Tears sparkled in Elza's eyes as Setsuna pushed her again away. Trying to get away with her hurt leg.

"That's why you kiss other boys, right?"

"It was only one single kiss! I had almost been a kid those days! You can't judge me by something that lays in the past!" Elza protested and ran after Setsuna. "It was completely different to the kiss I gave you! Setsuna! Listen to me! Please!"

However, Setsuna didn't want to listen. Her face was hard and very pale. Determinedly, she crossed the school yard and it looked as if she would take her jacket, hobble over to her car and drive away. Elza didn't want it to end like this. She reached for Setsuna and instead grabbed the strange staff the young woman was holding in her hand.

"Can't you forgive me?"

At that moment the staff of time started to glow. Then, the world turned into darkness...

dbdbdb

The world blurred, only Elza seemed to stay the same. The colour vanished and all that remained was a black and white twilight.

_Nani?_

Elza turned around and wrapped her arms around her freezing body. She heard a well known voice right next to her. It was Setsuna's mother, but she was younger, and she was also shown in black and white. The tall woman was standing in front of a big house. Elza's house, but it looked different, as well.

_Nani? What's Elza's mommy doing here?_

At that moment she saw the young girl chasing after a butterfly. Her dark green hair looked black, but Elza would have recognized that laughter everywhere. It was Setsuna. However, she was five years old. She couldn't be older, because she looked as clumsy as Elza had never seen her before. She stumbled and almost fell over her own feet, but her mother held back her and took her on her arm. Then they entered the house. Elza looked quickly around, but because she didn't know what else to do, she followed them. They went upstairs to the room where her parent's sleeping room was. It hadn't been touched since their accident, only to be tidied by Mary once a month, and Elza hardly entered it. It was an abandoned room, she didn't like it very much.

Today, however, it wasn't an abandoned room. Today it was full with people. Happy laughing people. There were her grandparents, but they looked younger, as there were other relatives Elza only saw on big parties like her grandmother's 60th birthday celebration. In the corner under an opened window stood a cradle. Little Setsuna freed herself from her mother's embrace and ran stumbling over to the cradle. To look into it and to start to smile as widely as Elza had seldom seen her Sissy-chan smile.

"Mommy?" Setsuna's voice was very high. She stretched her small arms and seemed to touch something lying in the cradle.

"What's up, my darling?"

"She looks cute." Setsuna beamed up to her mother. "I like her." Her smile grew even wider. "May I keep her?" First her mother looked shocked, then she started to laugh. However, she didn't laugh over her daughter, she only laughed over the idea.

"Hm... I am not sure, my darling. Your auntie would be very sad if she wouldn't be around the whole day."

"Then I want to be her best friend," declared little Setsuna determined and turned again towards the cradle. "And if auntie doesn't need her any longer, I'll take care of her."

"You'll be a great friend, my darling." With those words her mother rose again and went over to the other people. Elza didn't care about her any longer. Hesitantly, she stepped closer to little Setsuna and the cradle. Seeing how a tiny hand reached out for Setsuna's and how a high voice started to laugh happily.

Elza bowed over the cradle and gulped as she saw a tiny baby lying in it. Although the cradle was black and white, as well, she was able to see two colours very clearly: fluffy red hair covered a tiny head and light green eyes looked lovingly up to little Setsuna.

The next moment Elza stood again outside her house. Again, there was a tall woman standing outside. However, this time it wasn't Setsuna's mommy. This time it was Setsuna herself. She looked younger. Maybe seventeen, maybe eighteen. Mary had just opened the door and looked a little bit sad at her.

"Elza's not here, Mary-san?"

"I am sorry, Meioh-san. But she's out with her friends."

"But we wanted to go to the cinema this evening. I already have the tickets."

"She got a phone call ten minutes ago and left the house. You are too late, Meioh-san."

"Well... then we can't change it. Have a nice evening, Mary-san."

"You, too."

_Nani?_

Elza watched Setsuna walking downstairs, ripping some sheets of paper and throwing them away. Elza remembered too well that evening. Or better, that time when she entered a new school and found new friends there - and almost forgot Setsuna during that time, because suddenly Setsuna had seemed to be too old. For her new friends and suddenly for herself, as well. Elza didn't realize that she had hurt her Sissy with that behaviour. Nor had she known that Setsuna had already bought those tickets. She had told her later on that it hadn't been that big of a problem and that she had to learn for her final exams, anyway.

The car drove away and the next moment Elza stood on the garden of Setsuna's and Michiru's house. Yet, she wasn't alone. A tall girl was sitting on the old swing, looking out to the sea. Tears were running down her cheeks.

_Nani?_

_Sissy-chan's crying?_

"Sissy? Everything alright?"

Elza turned around as Michiru entered the garden. She looked the same strange black and white. She was holding something in her hands that looked suspiciously like a gift. Certainly, it was wrapped in coloured paper, but for Elza it was grey.

"Of course." Setsuna raised her hands quickly to wipe away her tears. "I just needed a little bit fresh air. You know our parents and all the other relatives: they are always so loud when they celebrate."

_Celebrate?_

Elza looked at the package in Michiru's hands and groaned slightly.

_Oh no.. not THAT day..._

"I am pretty sure she has her reasons for not coming." Michiru put her free hand on Setsuna's shoulder and tried to comfort her. "Maybe her house burned or her grandparents had an accident or..." Her jokes were lame and Setsuna closed her teary eyes for a moment.

"Guess you are right," answered the tall woman finally and tried to smile. To cheer her little sister up, but Elza knew that this smile was only a farce. That Setsuna felt miserable inside. It had been her eighteenth birthday and Elza simply forgot it. Or better, she didn't forget it, but went shopping with her so called friends. Although Setsuna invited her and even told her that she would be happy if she would come celebrating with her. Instead she went shopping and threw away the new pullover she got afterwards. She had felt incredibly silly, but didn't dare to go to Setsuna. She didn't know if she would still like her. In the end, it had been Michiru who talked to her and so they had kind of a date. To talk about their friendship. Although Michiru said more than once that it was just another birthday party. One only for the friends and not for the family.

Ten minutes before Elza wanted to leave for this birthday party her so called friends called her up and wanted to go to cinema with her. Elza denied and after that stupid incident she never heard of them again. Just because she had said "no" for one single time...

_I had been so stupid. So damn stupid!_

Suddenly, the garden was gone and she stood in her own room. Setsuna was sitting in front of her bed. Now she looked almost like the Setsuna she knew. Elza saw herself lying in the bed. Under thick blankets.

_That's been two years ago._

She had caught a terrible flu and had to endure high fever. Her grandparents weren't at home and Mary had one of her days off. Therefore, Setsuna had decided to take care of her although she had to write an important test for her studies the next day.

"Go home, Sissy-chan. I can handle that."

"Forget it, dummy. I won't leave you alone."

"But..."

"No buts. Friends have to take care of each other, right? So stop protesting, but sleep."

"The test! It's important..."

"You are more important to me than any bloody test can be!"

"But..."

Elza saw herself struggling with the blanket, but she had felt too bad at that time to stand up and to throw Setsuna out. It had been only early evening and the rest of the night her flu had gotten even worse. Her fever rose and she believed to die. She had terrible nightmares and cried half of the night like a small child.

Time flickered and Setsuna was now holding the sick Elza in her arms. An Elza who cried because of the bad nightmares and her bad condition.

"It's okay, little one," whispered the dark and white Setsuna and the coloured Elza stepped a little bit closer, although she knew that Setsuna couldn't see her. "You are not alone. It's all just a nightmare. I won't leave you alone. Never." Setsuna hugged the crying Elza who was more in her feverish world than in the real one. "I love you, little one. I'd never leave you alone."

The coloured Elza's eyes grew wide, but she couldn't remember that confession. All she could remember was that she infected Setsuna, as well. That she wrote her exam with very high fever and broke down right after she had given the important papers to their professor. She passed that exam. Even with very good results. However, for that she had to stay over a week in a hospital afterwards, because her flu had been even worse than Elza's.

_Why didn't you tell me while I wasn't out of it?_

_Why?_

Elza gulped, but before she could reach Setsuna the whole scene changed. She was still standing in front of her bed, but now Setsuna was on the soft mattress, as well. Elza laid directly over her. That scene had been only some weeks ago. Setsuna's cheeks were redden, another colour Elza could see in the black and white world before her. They had just kissed. Elza hardly remembered what they said to each other right after the kiss, because she had been too happy that her Setsuna returned her kiss and didn't push her away, therefore, she hardly took notice.

"... it sounds like fun, doesn't it?" she heard herself giggle and at that moment she saw the change in Setsuna's face. Suddenly, she was pale and her dark eyes looked as disappointed as she had looked at her eighteenth birthday.

_Shimatta!_

Elza cursed silently and shook her head in disbelieve. At that moment she understood Setsuna's reaction. All Setsuna wanted to hear, had been _- I love you. -_ Nothing more. And all Elza could tell her, still taken away from the tender kiss, that it sounded like fun.

_No wonder she misunderstood everything._

_No wonder she thinks that it was only a joke for me._

_She gave me her heart with that kiss and all I gave her back was pain._

Elza covered her mouth with her hand and sobbed quietly.

_Gomen nasai, Sissy-chan. Gomen nasai..._

dbdbdb

The world blurred, only Setsuna seemed to stay the same. The colour vanished and all that remained was a black and white twilight.

_Nani?_

Setsuna still held her staff of time tightly in her hand. Her leg still hurt, but she didn't care about it. Instead she hobbled through the grass. It was soft and very warm, although Setsuna couldn't see any sun. However, she could hear a little girl laughing.

"Sissy-chan..." laughed a little girl and ran through the grass. Red hair touched small shoulders and a wide grin laid on a redden face, the only colours in an otherwise grey world.

_Elza-chan?_

_Little one?_

Elza had had long hair when she had been a child. She cut them short when she grew up, although Setsuna liked it to brush and to braid them.

The little girl ran past her and jumped into the opened arms of a taller girl. She was about ten years old laughed as happily as the small child. Setsuna's eyes grew wide as she saw herself, being much younger, taking the little tomboy in her arms, swirling her around.

"I luv ya," screamed little Elza and hugged her in stormy embrache. "Luv ya much!"

The picture vanished. The grass was gone, replaced by hard stone.

"I won't go to the cinema with you today. I've already told you at the telephone." That Elza was older now. Much older. She was thirteen years old and her hair were short now. Her light green eyes shone with anger.

"Why not? I thought you are our friend now!"

Elza was surrounded by several girls. They all sat on mountain bikes and looked as furious as Elza who clenched her fists, staring stubbornly at them, one after another.

_Harikaze and her friends?_

Setsuna frowned. Too well she could remember the blonde who now stopped right in front of the dark and white Elza. When Elza came to that new school, Harikaze and her minions had wanted to be Elza's friend. However, in Setsuna's eyes they had only wanted to exploit her. Elza had to pay the food when they went to a fast food restaurant. Elza had to pay the tickets for their cinema visit. Elza had to pay the entry to the swimming pool. Elza was too nice, she didn't realize that they only took advantage of her and her grandmother's generous pocket money. Setsuna, however, did realize their mean intentions and said some clear words to Harikaze. Since then Harikaze and her friends had tried to get Elza away from Setsuna. Every time Elza wanted to visit Setsuna, Harikaze would suddenly be there and had something really, really important to talk about with Elza. She even took care that Elza had no time to come to Setsuna's eighteenth birthday party. One memory that hurt, even if it was already four years old.

However, everything changed one day, maybe three weeks after her birthday. From that day on Elza came again to Michiru and Setsuna's house by the sea. Almost every day. She had never talked about Harikaze and her friends again.

"I am your friend, but I am also Sissy's friend."

"Sissy? I thought her name's Setsuna."

"It's her nick name."

"A stupid one."

The dark and white Elza turned around and wanted to go. She obviously found this confrontation ridiculous and didn't want to fight with her so called friends. Harikaze, however, pushed her with her leg and Elza let go the small package she was holding in her hands. The blonde started her bike and drove over the package. It crackled and Setsuna saw Elza's fists shaking.

"That had been mine!"

"No, it had been a gift for that witch!"

"She's not a witch! She's my best friend!"

"We are your best friends."

Elza knelt down and looked sadly at the remaining of a porcelain horse.

_She's never told me that they broke her gift._

Actually, Elza had only given her some flowers she surly bought afterwards and begged for forgiveness. To be welcomed back in Setsuna's warm embrace.

"Best friends don't destroy the other one's property. As they don't leave their friend's all alone." The last sentence sounded sad. Regretful.

"Why don't you forget that witch? Let's go to the cinema instead. They have a new movie that's..."

"Because that witch is damn important to me! If I'd have to chose between her and you, I'd chose her without hesitation."

"So, that's your decision?" Harikaze didn't seem to be very happy. She drove dangerously close around Elza who rose again and simply ignored her. She simply walked away, but was stopped for one last time. Harikaze leaned over her handlebars and looked directly at Elza.

"Why? Why is she more important than we're? Why?"

"Because I love her."

The coloured Setsuna gasped and winced as the dark and white Harikaze slapped her right into her face.

"Dyke!" The word was spoken silently, but Setsuna suddenly knew that it hurt Elza more than anything else: to be betrayed by the own friends.

_Why didn't she tell me all this stuff? Why?_

"Michi? Where's Sissy-chan?"

"Oh, I am sorry, Elza. She's at university. She has some important lectures."

"But she wanted to learn with me. You know, we have that important test tomorrow. In Latin."

"She isn't here, I'm sorry. I wish I could help you, but I chose French instead of Latin. I can't help you with the grammar. But at least I go over the vocabulary with you. Okay?"

Setsuna saw Elza's disappointed face and knew that she shouldn't have lied to her. There hadn't been any lecturers that day. She had only wanted to go to that trade fair about computers and she had wanted to go there all alone. To have the time and the peace to think about her future. Over that she forgot time and when she returned at midnight Elza had laid on the living room couch, fast asleep, with her Latin grammar book on her lap. She got a normal note for the test, but only for vocabulary. She failed in every single grammar task.

"Don't you want to go to bed? You can take one of the guest rooms."

"No."

"But it's raining outside, Elza. It's cold."

"It's okay, Michi. I have my jacket. I just don't wanna miss her."

"But it's Saturday night. You know Sissy, it can be late. She's a night owl."

"I will wait, Michi. It's okay."

The door closed and the coloured Setsuna stood all alone on the staircase. Next to a freezing Elza who crept deeper into her jacket and stared out to the rain.

_I didn't return before five in the morning. She caught herself a really bad flu. Just because I almost forgot my best friend during the time I studied._

Setsuna gulped. Suddenly, the rain was gone and she stood in the middle of Elza's room. She was lying on the bed. In one of her costumes. Setsuna remembered that evening too well. She had had her first presentation for her computer firm and hadn't slept a lot during the days prior to it. She had wanted to tell Elza that she got the job, but fell asleep on her bed while Elza made her a hot chocolate.

"Sissy-chan?" Elza entered the room and looked for a long time in silence the black and white Setsuna. Then she put the mugs away and covered the sleeping woman with her blanket. For a long time she sat next to the bed and caressed through dark green hair.

"It's been an exhausting week, right, Sissy-chan?" whispered Elza and yawned slightly. "I wish you would have more time for yourself again. As I wish you would have more time for me." Elza bowed over the sleeping Setsuna and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Sleep well, my beauty."

_Nani..._

Time blurred, but the room stayed the same. Setsuna saw herself searching for her shoes. Crying desperately. Shouting at the pale Elza sitting in her bed. Looking drunk but very helpless and shocked at the same time. Being half naked. Grabbing for her blanket and holding it protectively before her shaking body.

"That was the worst joke you've ever said, Elza!" screamed Setsuna and slammed the door behind herself. Elza only stared unbelievingly at the closed door, touching her burning cheek. The engine started and the coloured Setsuna saw through the window how her past I drove away. At that moment Elza rolled herself up to a ball and started desperately to cry. Her loud sobs filled the silent room and Setsuna felt suddenly really bad.

_It took her all of her courage to show me that she loves me._

_And I pushed her away so rudely, because she didn't find the right words._

_Why didn't I listen?_

_Why didn't I trust her? Simply trust her? The way I've always done? All those 17 years we've known each other?_

_Why..._

Setsuna gulped and wanted to go over to the sobbing Elza to embrace her. To comfort her. To tell her that everything was going to be fine again.

_Gomen nasai, little one._

_Gomen nasai..._

dbdbdb

The light turned on and the audience started to applaud. Very happily and very loudly. Michiru ended the kiss very slowly and looked up into a blushed face. Dark green eyes sparkled as mysteriously as she had never seen them before.

"Ruka..." her voice was shaky and she held the tall blonde a little bit tighter, because she feared that her legs wouldn't carry her any longer.

_I want you to stay with me._

_Forever._

_No matter if you are Uranus or not._

_I want you, no one else!_

"I..." Haruka coughed, because her throat was suddenly very dry. Directly she looked at Michiru, but she couldn't see any regret in her eyes. No disgust. No shame.

_She knows about my past, but still she doesn't push me away._

"I..." started Haruka again, but again her voice trailed off.

_I love you._

_With all my heart._

_Maybe it's wrong, maybe it's hopeless, but I want to try to be with you._

"I..."

At that moment Michiru's cell phone started to ring. She had it on, even though she had to play her instrument. She had told her parents that they should call her up if anything happened. If anything happened to Hotaru.

Both looked at each other again and gulped. Then Haruka had to let go and watched how Michiru went over to her handbag and took out her cell phone. With shaking hands.

dbdbdb

The darkness disappeared and colour filled their worlds again. They both blinked and looked at each other. Light green and dark eyes were filled with tears. Like puppets on a string they let go off the staff of time at the same time.

"Gomen, Sissy-chan... I didn't know..." sobbed Elza and reached out for Setsuna's hand. "I didn't mean to hurt you... I..."

Setsuna didn't say a word. She simply took the trembling girl and brought her into her warm embrace. Holding her tight. She didn't know what had happened just now. It was the first time that her staff of time had reacted this way. That it let anyone else touch it. Anyone else except its owner. To show them pictures from the past they both hadn't seen before, at least not this way.

Setsuna felt how Elza grabbed her harder and held her so tight, it felt as if she was afraid of ever letting her go again. As if she would disappear then. Forever.

The senshi of time bit on her lower lip because her right leg started to hurt like hell again, but she didn't say anything about it, didn't even hiss. She only rocked the sobbing girl. Knowing that they had to really talk now. This time in patience. Without screaming at each other. And then they would simply start anew. From the beginning.

_This time we'll make it better._

Setsuna put her right hand under Elza's chin and forced her to look up. Light green eyes were full with tears but a small smile laid on a beautiful face surrounded by wild, fire red strands.

_I love her the way she is. Even if she has to tease me around so much._

Setsuna blinked and stroked over the wet cheeks. Lovingly she smiled at the smaller girl and wanted to say something as two shadows came running out of the school building.

"Sissy! Elza!" Michiru was still barefoot, but she didn't seem to notice it. She was holding her cell phone high in the air and seemed to be very excited. Haruka was right behind her, holding Michiru's jacket in her hands and trying to put it around the young violinist's shoulders.

"It's mommy. The hospital just called. They have a new heart for Hime-chan!"

dbdbdb

**Author's corner:**

I managed to get hold of a computer and to do this update. Thank you for your patience and all your nice comments; I'll answer them next week or one at a time if I'll manage to go online again before the book fair (yes!).

California, Nevada and Arizona do have such a beautiful and inspiring landscape! Although I have a very clear idea of how my next Haruka & Michiru fanfiction should look like, I'm thinking of writing a short one about wide deserts, high mountains and deep valleys now, with Haruka and Michiru walking into the sunset. _lol _Or one about Hotaru visiting Disneyland with her parents (and Haruka being as crazy about the rides as her little Hime-chan, much to Michiru's annoyance). _rofl_

I know, this update was very kitschy and romantic… but let's be honest, we all love this fluffy stuff and romantic music and kisses and so on. _laughs_

The next chapter will be called "Tiny heart" and will be subdivided into 2 parts (20 pages each part). However, the story won't be over then. There's still a sixth chapter to read. Expect the next update next Monday.

Next update:

Finally, the operation takes place. The last months of anger, fear and desperation finally catch up with Haruka. Michiru is there to hold her as she falls. Yet, why doesn't that feel like a happy ending?


	12. Chapter 5: Tiny heart 1

**Chapter five: Tiny heart**

She had always hated hospitals. All of her life only bad thing had happened to her in a building like this. In a hospital that had looked a lot like this one the doctors had told her that her parents had died. That they hadn't survived the tragic accident. Between such white walls they had told her that Hikari didn't survive her pneumonia. That Hotaru was so ill.

_Only bad news._

_So many dead people._

_So many people I loved so much..._

Haruka glanced quickly at the clock hanging in the waiting room. It was now two in the morning. They had started to operate around midnight, but no one came to tell them how the operation had been going so far. If everything was alright of if there were any complications. They only took the little girl and disappeared with her behind two big doors. However, Haruka didn't dare to ask some of the nurses hurrying by from time to time. 

They left the dance at the very moment Michiru's parents had called them up. They all still wore their expensive dance clothes. They didn't change. They only drove home to meet the ambulance there when they took Hotaru with them. Only Haruka was allowed to get into the ambulance. The rest of them took their cars and followed them. That had been over three hours ago, they had operated for over two hours.

_Endless two hours._

_Endless 120 minutes._

_Endless 7,200 seconds._

Again, Haruka looked quickly around. Michiru's parents were sitting in one corner. Her father studied one health magazine after another while Aiko served herself one coffee after another from the slot machine. Setsuna got hurt, surely during a fight against a youma, and went to see a doctor. Elza went with her. They hadn't returned since them. Haruka wasn't angry about that fact; they couldn't have helped her in her situation, anyway.

_Waiting is the worst._

Haruka put her hands in her pockets and decided to walk a little bit around. To keep silent, to stand still that felt too terrible. I made her depressive. It made her feel paralysed. She wanted to have clear answers: if the new heart would fit, if her Hime-chan was strong enough to survive that dangerous operation. If she would ever be healthy again. Yet at the same time Haruka didn't dare to ask any questions. She didn't know if she would be strong enough to hear the answers.

_I am so weak..._

Haruka left the waiting room, not seeing Michiru raising her head. For the past two hours she had stared at the gold fish swimming happily around in an aquarium. Wondering how those animals could be happy while she just experienced the worst hours in her life.

_I am too weak for all this stuff!_

Haruka turned to the right and simply walked through the endless corridors, passed some fake paintings and some plants without really seeing them. She almost crashed into a chair standing around the corner. She simply didn't really notice where she was going to.

There had been times when she had been strong. The strongest girl in her class, the fasted girl of the entire school. No one could beat her. She had been almost as fast as the wind. She had been self-assured and believed that nothing could happen to her. That nothing stood in her way. That she could achieve anything by just wanting it badly enough.

_I grew up..._

Everything had changed during the past two years. She lost her parents, ended on the street. She got her daughter and rescued Michiru who was her saviour in return. Or at least for her daughter.

_What if Hime-chan won't make it?_

_No, I mustn't think this way! I have to be positive! I have to believe in her! I am her mother, I mustn't give her up like this!_

Haruka sighed deeply and opened the door. The next moment she stood on a small balcony and stared up to the cloudy sky. It was icy outside but it helped her clearing her mind. That cold couldn't stop her dark thoughts, but at least it keep her from becoming totally insane.

The tall blonde closed her eyes and took a deep breath, still burying her clenched fists deeply in her pockets. Wind played with her short hair and tears sparkled in her eyes as she opened them again. She couldn't remember the last time she felt so close to crying. She hadn't cried during the last years since her parents died. Only for one time - when little Hotaru was born. However, those hadn't been tears of sorrow and despair; they had been tears of joy.

_Sorrow?_

_Despair?_

_No, it's fear. It's this damn fear to lose her, too!_

_Why can't they say at least one word about the operation?_

_Why do they have to leave us sitting so alone in the waiting room?_

_Has it been too late?_

_Did we wait for too long?_

_Did I waste the first months of her life?_

_Did I do everything wrong?_

_Had there been another way? _

_Should I have done anything differently?_

_Shimatta!_

Haruka took another breath and tried to calm herself down. To freak out, that wouldn't help anyone. She should've been thankful. Thankful that Michiru had helped her so much. Because it was Michiru who had paid the operation and cared for Hotaru to come on top of the transplantation list. To be thankful that Michiru's and Setsuna's parents where in this hospital, as well, to wait with them, to simply be with them - no matter what would happen. She should pray to the Gods and thank them for a new heart they found - hopefully right in time.

_For that heart another little child had to die..._

Haruka gulped and bit on her lower lip.

_Surely a cute, little child. Just like my Hime-chan. Even if that operation will be a success, even if my Hime-chan will survive, two parents will be sad this night. Maybe for the rest of their lives, because they have lost their child..._

Haruka knew that she would never got to know the identity of that child. It was forbidden by law, and Haruka had to admit that she was thankful about this. She wouldn't have been able to face the sad parents and to thank them that their child had died so that her little girl got another, a second chance in life. That would have been too sarcastic in her eyes.

_It's all my fault. I took those drugs and poisoned my little angel._

_I should be the ill one! I not Hime-chan._

_She's so small, so tiny... she doesn't deserve all this pain!_

Haruka grabbed for the balustrade and bowed over it to have a better view at the sky. Something was falling from the clouds. The tall blonde blinked and it took her some moments to realize that it was snowing. It was a little bit early for the end of autumn, but the air was already cold enough.

_Snow..._

"Ruka?"

She winced as the door was opened and Michiru stepped out on the balcony, as well. She was still wearing her evening dress. Now it was crumbled and her hair looked messed. The smaller girl was incredibly pale and more than once her parents had tried to convince her to lay down and rest for a little while. To get some sleep, because in their eyes she didn't look well. However, Michiru couldn't lay down. Nor could she even think of sleep. Her heart was racing too much in her chest; she was sure she wouldn't be able to find any rest at all. Not until the doctor hadn't talked to them. After the operation. About its success or... 

_No! There has to be a success!_

"Come in. It's cold outside," said the young violinist and put her right hand on Haruka's left arm. "You'll catch a cold."

Haruka didn't seem to hear her. Determinedly she stared up to the sky as if she hadn't seen anything that interesting before. Or as if she didn't see it at all.

"Ruka?"

"It's snowing," answered the tall blonde finally after another long time they had stood on the balcony in silence. Her voice was very soft and sounded as if she spoke from a far distance. From another world only she could see. Michiru raised her head and frowned. Then she saw the small flakes, as well, dancing in the night's wind like little glow worms.

"Hai..." she whispered and watched how some snow flakes fell on Haruka's hands and melted there. The taller girl didn't react. She only held on to the balustrade harder. So hard that her fingers looked almost white.

"Hime-chan was born in May. She doesn't know snow. She has never seen it before." Haruka gulped visibly, still staring up to the cloudy sky. "I want her to run in the snow. I want her to make snow balls and to throw them at me. I want to see her sitting on a sleigh, laughing at me." Haruka's voice was husky but she didn't cry the tears that sparkled so obviously in her dark green eyes. "I want her to grow up, Michi. I want her to be a wild tomboy. Just the way I had been. I want her to drive a bike, to learn how to swim. To drive me crazy when she comes home later than I told her to come home. I want to get to know her friends. I want her to be happy, Michi. Simply happy." Haruka shook her head and winced slightly as Michiru laid her warm hands over her icy hands.

"I want her to live, Michi. That's not too much I am asking for, is it?"

Haruka lowered her head and that desperate look on her face almost made Michiru's heart break.

"No, it's not." Michiru squeezed those icy hands and did a silent prayer to all the Gods above to save this little child. And to save Hime-chan's mother, as well.

"No, it's surely not..."

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Setsuna didn't even complain that it hurt. The doctor had to stitch her leg with four stitches. Certainly, she would keep some scars from her recent fight against a very strong youma. Tiny scars, but still visible ones. However, in a situation like this, during an important night like this one, they didn't matter. Not to Setsuna who stared with an empty expression at the dustbin next to the bed she was sitting on. The nurse had taken good care of her and given her some pain killers. The tall woman felt dizzy, but she didn't want to lay down and sleep. She knew that only nightmares would be haunting her down, anyway.

"Elza! Stop doing that! You are making me crazy!" Setsuna growled in the strange silence of the nocturnal hospital, because the red haired girl had crossed the room for the fifth time now... in just half a minute. She simply couldn't sit quietly. At first, Setsuna had wanted to go back to the waiting room, but a friendly smiling nurse had told her that she should stay where she was until she would feel better. Not so dizzy and so sick. The nurse didn't want her to faint and to hurt herself. Therefore, Elza and she stayed in that small room that was driving the younger girl insane.

"And what should I do? Tell me!" Elza looked at her watch and sighed in agony. "It's been over four hours that they started to operate! And still no result. Nothing!" Elza sobbed quietly and turned away from Setsuna, but the senshi of time knew from the shaking of her shoulders that the red haired girl cried.

"Hey, Elza-chan, I didn't mean to sound so harsh. Hey, little one..." Setsuna sat again upright on her hospital bed and looked sadly at the smaller girl. Slowly Elza turned around and her cheeks were wet as Setsuna had predicted them to be.

"Gomen... I... I didn't want to cry... not during the... operation..." she sobbed and closed her eyes for some seconds. To fight back her tears. She tried it in vain.

"You don't have to be ashamed, little one." Setsuna clapped next to her on the free mattress. "Come here, little one. It's normal to cry."

Elza stared at Setsuna for a long them, then she nodded and did as she was told only to find herself in Setsuna's warm arms. So comforting arms...

"Everything will turn alright," whispered Setsuna and caressed gently through fire red strands.

"Oh... how do you know that?" sniffed Elza and leaned against her friend. Feeling safe and secure there.

"I have my special instinct."

"Oh, fantastic. Now I have a girlfriend with instinct."

"Do you mind that?" Setsuna smiled a small smile as Elza raised her head and looked surprised into dark eyes. It was the first time that Setsuna wasn't angry about Elza claiming her to be her girlfriend.

"No..." They both stared at each other, then Elza buried her head again in Setsuna's shoulder. They had to talk about all this stuff - later. About their feelings, about their future. And about that senshi thing. Elza had seen Sailor Pluto and as Setsuna's girlfriend she simply deserved an explanation.

However, all due to its time.

Right now, everything was completely unimportant compared to the little girl fighting for her tiny life.

Only a few rooms away.

Setsuna held a trembling Elza a little bit tighter and closed her eyes. Trying not to cry with Elza, because still they had no reason to cry and Setsuna begged that they would never have one.

_Please, let her live._

_We all need that little girl._

_We all love her..._

dbdbdb

It was around six in the morning. The sky was still cloudy, but it had stopped to snow around three or four in the morning. Already the early snow had melted away. Still it was dark outside. For at least the next two hours.

"Ruka?"

Haruka stood at the window of the waiting room, staring outside. Watching the trees moving in the night's wind. At first, she didn't hear Michiru's voice. Therefore, she winced hard as she felt a warm hand touching her right arm. Slowly she raised her head and looked into deep blue eyes. Michiru pointed over to the entrance door. She was incredibly pale and trembled visibly. Haruka didn't ask why she had interrupted her dark thoughts. She didn't have to. Because as she turned around she saw Michiru's and Setsuna's parents standing there. Talking to Dr. Sugara-san. Behind him Haruka could see two more shadows, certainly Setsuna and Elza.

_They are all here._

Haruka quickly covered Michiru's hand with her own icy one and felt Michiru squeezing her gently.

_Just like a real family..._

Haruka took a deep breath and slowly went over to the doctor. To the man who had cared so much for her daughter over the past months. No matter what had happened, no matter what he would tell her, she knew that she had to be thankful. He took very good care of a girl every other doctor would have given up on. He had never asked her stupid questions about her past, but had tried to help her instead. Really help her, not give damn advice she couldn't use anyway.

_I should be happy that they're all here._

Haruka moved slowly and it seemed to her as if time had stopped. As if she were living in an world existing only in slow motion. Everything became blurred until only Dr. Sugara-san remained.

_I should be happy that she had at least a real family for a couple of weeks. A family I could never give her: nice aunts, crazy grandparents and loving friends. They gave her hope and love._

Yes, Haruka knew that she should have been thankful, but all she felt was fear. The most intensive fear she had ever felt in her life. Of course she had been frightened when she lost her parents. When she ran away and spent the first night alone on a lonely street. When he bought her and almost killed her, because she looked like a boy but was a girl. When Hikari coughed herself to death in that cold summer night. When little Hotaru was born. When she didn't know where to get the money from to pay her daughter's operation. However, all those fears combined were tiny in comparison to the fear she felt right now.

_What if..._

_What if..._

_What if she..._

She couldn't finish that thought. It was impossible for her. As it seemed to be impossible to breathe any longer. Her chest hurt and she felt dizzy.

_**- It's okay. -**_

Again she heard Michiru's soft voice in her mind. She wished so badly that everything was okay. She didn't want to lose her daughter. She didn't want to be alone again. She didn't... couldn't... wasn't able to...

_What..._

_I don't..._

_Please..._

Her thoughts spun around and she blinked as someone stepped next to her and took her icy hand in two warming ones. Haruka blinked and saw Michiru standing right beside her. To be there for her. No matter what Dr. Sagura-san would tell them. In about two or three seconds.

_Seconds that can change my life forever._

_Till now everything is fine._

_Till now..._

Haruka had to fight against the desire to run away. To escape this trap. To flee out of this hospital, out of this nightmare. To run as fast as she could, but Michiru's hands held her back, gave her the courage she needed to face the doctor. A tired looking doctor. He spoke with the famous opera singer quietly. Calmly. 

_What if..._

Haruka gulped and searched for hold as the doctor raised his head. And smiled at her.

dbdbdb

She looked tiny. Like a doll. A wax figure. Her bed was made out of glass and different machines stood around it, making different noises. High noises. Loud noises. Loud in the silence of the room. Her tiny arms were connected to different IV-drips and a tube was connected to her mouth. Her eyes were closed and her face was very pale. The tiny chest was bandaged, but clean. There was no trace of any blood.

_Hime-chan..._

Haruka didn't feel the cold of the glass under her finger tips as she leaned as close as she could against the window and stared through it at her daughter. 

_She looks as if she is sleeping._

Yet Haruka knew that the anaesthesia still worked. She didn't understand all of the medical words Dr. Sugara-san told them, but she understood one fact very well: her daughter was still alive. She had survived the dangerous operation and her body seemed to accept the new heart. It beat regularly inside her tiny chest. From all alone. All those machines were only there to control the pulse and the blood pressure, to help her breathing more easily, to give her strong pain killers and all the medicine she needed right now. They helped her daughter to live, but they didn't live for the little girl. Hotaru lived all on her own.

_Hime-chan..._

Haruka wanted to go to her. To take her in her arms. To feel that she was still alive. That this wasn't just a dream. That for once in her life she had been lucky. That she didn't lose again the one she loved most in this world. Just like she had lost her parents and Hikari. However, Haruka knew that she wasn't allowed to simply go in Hotaru's room. This was the intensive care unit and Hotaru had left the operation room only half an hour ago. There were two nurses in the room, taking care for the little girl. Only in case that anything would go wrong, although Dr. Sugara-san had sounded very optimistically. He had explained that the biggest risk had been the operation. Hotaru's chances had been 30 percent, and the little girl had used every single percent. Now it was only a matter of time until she would get stronger. Of course she have to take a special medicine for the rest of her life. That her body would never reject the new heart, but that was okay for Haruka. Pills were something you could get used to, something she could handle. To lose her Hime-chan, however, Haruka was sure she wouldn't have been able to survive.

_I love you, little princess._

Haruka gulped and it was hard and harder for her not to cry the tears sparkling in her eyes.

_Gomen nasai, Hime-chan..._

The tall blonde knew that her daughter was still on pain killers. Yet she knew that she would be in terrible pain once the anaesthesia would stop to work, no matter how much more medicine they would give her. Hotaru had gotten a new heart; no pain killer on this world could erase all the pain; and to give her too many would be too dangerous for Hotaru's little body.

_It's all my fault, Hime-chan. Only my fault. And you have to sustain all this pain. I hope you'll ever be able to forgive me._

"Let's go home." Michiru stepped next to her and wrapped her winter jacket around Haruka's shoulders. "Everything is fine now. They'll take care of Hime-chan now."

_Going home?_

_Now?_

_No! Never!_

"I'll stay," whispered Haruka and was surprised how hoarse her voice sounded. It didn't seem to belong to her body any longer. To herself.

_I won't leave her alone! I've promised her to be there for her! I won't go!_

"It's no use to stay, Ruka. She'll sleep now. Dr. Sugara-san told me that the anaesthesia will work for at least another four hours. Here are a lot of nurses and doctors taking very good care of her. We'll return in the afternoon. Before this she won't even notice that you are not around."

"But I've promised her to be there..."

"You've been here all night," answered Michiru softly and corrected the evening dress she was still wearing. It was now crumbled and dirtied with coffee spots. She had tried to drink a coffee after midnight, but most of it landed on her clothes because her hands shook so much.

"But..."

"You haven't eaten anything during the past twenty four hours and I am sure that you've hardly slept the past week." Michiru tried to look directly into Haruka's dark green eyes, but she failed because the young woman only stared at her daughter behind the glass. Michiru sighed silently. She knew Haruka's feelings. She didn't want to go, either, but here they were no help. No real help. Not now. And they had to get some rest. Michiru felt incredibly dizzy and tired. She was sure that Haruka felt even worse.

"It won't help your daughter if you break down, Ruka. Let's go home, let's take a shower and sleep. We'll return in the afternoon, I promise." Dr. Sugara-san had sent them all home: her parents, Setsuna who had to use a crutch now because her leg hurt so much and Elza who had puffy red eyes from crying.

"But..."

"Don't worry, Ruka. Everything's fine now. She has a new heart. It's only a matter of time until she'll be a normal, healthy girl. Just wait until next spring when she'll learn how to walk. Then we'll have to be fast to chase her." Michiru smiled a tired smile and raised her hand to stroke some strands out of Haruka's face. "Let's go home, Ruka. Please. You can barely stand. Your daughter needs you to be strong, not to break down." Michiru felt how the girl next to her trembled. "Please, Ruka."

Haruka looked for another long time at her daughter and decided to ask Dr. Sugara-san if she were allowed to bring Hotaru's toy dolphin with her in the afternoon. She didn't want her daughter to feel lonely when she slept.

"Okay..." whispered Haruka finally. Promising her daughter behind the glass that she would return as soon as possible. That she wouldn't go away again as soon as the little girl was awake. As long as the little girl needed her she would always be there for her.

_Forgive me, Hime-chan._

_Forgive me for all the pain you are in because of me._

Haruka's hand rested longer than necessary on the cold glass and she gulped hard.

_Now we'll start again. Right from the start, okay?_

Hotaru didn't answer. She didn't move. But Haruka believed to see a tiny smile on her daughter's pale face.

dbdbdb

It was dawn when they came home. Meioh Aiko and her husband had decided to stay in a hotel. They didn't want to stress their daughters by preparing the guest rooms. Michiru tried to convince them that it was really okay if they'd come to stay in their house, as well, but again she had to learn that her mother could be very stubborn.

"That had been quite an exciting night, uh?" Setsuna fought hard with her crutch and stumbled over the few steps leading to the entrance door. Elza was right beside her. For the first time she could remember she didn't have to return to her own home. Setsuna didn't insist on Michiru driving Elza to her grandparent's house and Michiru simply forgot it. Instead, she drove her silver Ferrari very slow this time and looked very tired. More than once Setsuna had to remind her little sister that a red traffic light meant to stop and not to roll on.

_We're all very exhausted._

Setsuna opened the door and watched Haruka literally staggering into the house, slipping out of her shoes and simply climbing the stairs towards her room. She hadn't said a word. Not a single one since the doctor had told them that the operation had been a success. While Elza had chatted nervously away during their drive home, Haruka had kept silent. Expressionlessly, she had stared out of the window and didn't even react when Elza had asked her directly a question about the little girl now lying on the intensive care unit of the hospital.

_Guess she has to realize what has happened during the last night. It had been too fast. First, we've waited for so long and then it only happened within ten hours. _

Setsuna watched Haruka disappearing in the twilight of the corridor and looked quickly into Michiru's deep blue eyes. Tired eyes. The younger woman only sighed worn out and shook her head. It looked as if she wanted to say something, but then she decided against it.

"Good night, Michi. If there's anything wrong, we're downstairs, okay?" Setsuna put her hands on Michiru's shoulders in a comforting way. Her younger sister only nodded and smiled a small smile. Then she rubbed her bloodshot eyes and yawned. Tiredly she turned around and followed Haruka. To go into her own room and to lay down. To think of what had happened only a few hours ago.

_We all need some time to understand. And to realize that we were extremely lucky._

"Orpheus!" Elza giggled. She grabbed the big dog as he wanted to welcome Michiru and held him tightly in her arms. The young violinist didn't look as if she would have survived his happy attack this morning. Now the red haired girl was struggling hard with the dog who wanted at least to jump at Setsuna. His favourite human, right after Michiru, but Elza wouldn't let him. She knew how hard Setsuna was injured and she didn't want Orpheus to hurt her.

"You are impossible!" Elza giggled again and tried to hold him back, but he escaped and jumped around Setsuna, barking happily. Happily that she was home. That he wasn't alone any longer.

_I am glad to see you smile again._

Setsuna looked at Elza for some moments while she tried to calm her excited doggy down. It was finally possible as she hobbled over to the kitchen and gave him one of the bones she had kept over from their last dinner. 

"If you want to sleep a little bit, you can use my bed." Setsuna opened the fridge and served herself a nice cold bottle of milk. Suddenly she was very thirsty – and even a little bit hungry.

"Your bed?" Elza frowned and wrapped her arms around her chest. She was still wearing her sport outfit and froze a little bit, not only because of her tiredness. It was the first time that Setsuna had offered her to sleep in her bed. It sounded tempting. Yet Elza knew that Setsuna used to say a lot of things she didn't mean the way they sounded. "And what are you doing?"

"Hm..." Setsuna went over to the living room and sat carefully down on the couch. For a moment she looked searchingly around and finally found the remote control. "I don't feel like sleeping. I am still too excited," she admitted and switched on the TV. "I've always wanted to watch those talk shows." Without really looking at the screen, Setsuna switched from one channel to the next. Elza stared for some moments at her in silence. Then she wrapped a blanket around her body and hopped next to her taller friend on the couch.

"They can be very funny, Sissy," declared the redhead and took the remote control, giving away that she looked these shows way too ofen. In the middle of the night when she couldn't sleep, because she was again angry with Setsuna - or with herself. Therefore, it took her only some seconds to find the right channel with the right talk show. Setsuna looked at Elza for a while and finally nodded.

"Funny. That sounds good. I need something to laugh about after the past days."

dbdbdb

The sun was rising about before eight o'clock in the morning when Michiru had finally finished her shower and pulled a long t-shirt over her trembling body. She was incredibly tired, but she wasn't sure if her thoughts wouldn't stop spinning around once she'd lay down on her soft bed. There was so much she had to think of: Hime-chan, Haruka's sad looks during the operation, her doctor's positive words. Everything seemed to turn out fine, but still Michiru couldn't believe in a happy ending. The fear of losing the little girl was still too deep in her soul; she couldn't simply behave from one moment to the next as if everything was alright again.

Michiru yawned tiredly and opened the door to her balcony, only to wince as she felt the icy wind on her naked arms. Her slightly wet strands moved around her ears and she stroked them irritated back.

_And now?_

Michiru stared out to the endless sea. The horizon was cloudless and slowly covered by deep shades of red and orange. It was only a matter of minutes, maybe even seconds until the sun would rise out of the deep waters, as it did every day in an never ending routine in a normal, stable universe. Although this day was not normal at all; it was something special.

_Today's Hime-chan literal second birthday._

_And now?_

Michiru didn't know would follow after the hard operation. Certainly, they had to take care of the little girl to make sure that there wouldn't be a relapse. That her body would accept the new tiny heart. Michiru hoped that they could take her home soon. In four or six weeks.

_Ruka wants to stay with her daughter in hospital during that time. That's clear._

Michiru stepped on the balcony and shivered as her naked feet touched the cold ground.

_What about school during that time? What about the youmas? Surely it had been a youma that hurt Sissy today. What about the talismans? What about our mission?_

Michiru gulped. During the past weeks she hadn't thought about those problems any longer. They had been tiny in comparison to Hime-chan's illness. However, now that Hotaru would grew strong again, all those problems came tumbling down out from the corner where they had hidden invisible but yet ever present. Now looking bigger and more dangerous than ever before.

_What about us? What about our feelings? What about..._

At that moment she heard the noise from the other room. From Haruka's room. It sounded like something heavy falling to the ground. A chair or a book.

_Nani?_

_Hasn't she already gone to bed?_

Michiru left the balcony and closed the door carefully behind her. She hadn't heared Haruka's shower working before and thought that the young woman had gone into her room and to bed at the very instant they had come home. She had looked very exhausted and very tired, therefore Michiru didn't mind. The young violinist had believed Haruka to be already fast asleep. She was sure that she hadn't heared any noises during the past thirty minutes. Consequently, she was a little bit concerned as she walked over to her best friend's room.

"Ruka?"

She knocked silently, but firmly, but no one answered. Therefore, she opened the door slowly and sneaked into the room. The curtains were drawn and a dark atmosphere covered the blonde's room. The raising sun didn't have a chance here.

"Ruka?"

Again, Michiru didn't receive an answer. Very silently she crossed the room, because she didn't want to wake Haruka up who she spotted lying in her bed, cuddled under her blankets. Michiru watched the still form for some moments and decided that nothing was wrong with her best friend. Maybe an old book had fallen down from the shelf and Haruka had been so deep in her sleep that she hadn't heard it. Or maybe Michiru had gotten simply a little bit too careful over the past weeks. During long nights when every breath little Hotaru breathed could have been her last one. More than once she stood up in the middle of the night to check on the little baby. Sometimes Haruka had been awake, sometimes she laid next to the cradle and slept deep and tight when her tired body had been overtaken by exhaustion.

_I thought that it all would be so easy when I made that strange offer to Ruka in September._

Michiru sat down at the rim of the bed and sighed deeply.

_Yet I should have known better. To take care of an ill child is harder than I could have ever imagined._

However, the same time she knew that she would do it again. She would go through every complicate situation again. She would fight again for that little girl. As she would fight again for Hotaru's mommy.

At that moment Michiru heard the silent sobs under the blanket, saw the figure of the tall girl trembling beneath.

_Nani?_

"Ruka?"

_She's crying?_

Michiru blinked and pulled the blanket away. Haruka still wore her tuxedo. She had only stripped the jacket and opened the shirt a little bit. The clothes were crumbled and Michiru couldn't believe that it was comfortable to sleep in them. They were made to look good in, not to feel comfortable in or even to sleep in.

"Ruka?"

"Go away!" sniffed a desperate voice and Haruka hid her head under her pillow. She rolled herself up to a ball and cried even harder. Michiru blinked again in surprise. She hadn't seen Haruka cry before. She couldn't remember one single time seeing the young woman before her so desperate. Not when they got the results. Not when Haruka had feared the worst and ran away. Not when Hotaru had almost stopped breathing that fateful night and they had to call an ambulance. Not when the blonde had told her about her dark past and the way she became pregnant. Not when they had stood for seemingly endless hours on that hospital's balcony, waiting for the operation's outcome. However, now Haruka was crying. It was obvious. Her whole body shook and her silent sobs were incredibly loud in Michiru's ears.

_Now that everything's over, now that everything turned out to be alright, she's letting all her fears out..._

Michiru gulped and crept deeper into the bed. Determinedly, she tried to pull the pillow away. At first, Haruka tried struggled for it, but then she gave up. 

_She's kept her fears all that time deep inside her soul. Now she faces them. All at once. Now that it's over she thinks that she can finally let them out without hurting anyone. _

Michiru looked into the desperate face beneath her. Tears were streaming over pale cheeks. Haruka tried to wipe them away with shaking hands, but they were immediately replaced by new ones.

_Now she faces her fears, yet she doesn't have to face them all alone..._

Michiru looked deeply into tear filled eyes, saw the pain and the despair there. It made her heart break and feeling very sad, as well.

_She had to endure so much. That operation was the final straw._

_My strong Ruka..._

Michiru hesitated for only a moment. Then she took the sobbing blonde simply in her arms and rocked her. The way Haruka had comforted her only some days ago. When she took those pills in the suffocating fear that they wouldn't find a new heart in time for little Hotaru. Haruka stiffed and wanted to free herself, but Michiru didn't let her go. Determinedly, she held her tightly in her arms. No, she wouldn't let her go right now. Haruka needed her comfort, even if she would have never admitted it, neither to Michiru nor to herself.

"It's okay to cry..." whispered the young violinist and blinked. Two small tears ran down her own cheeks, as well. "It had been a hard fight, but we did win, Ruka. Now you're allowed to cry. You've been so strong during the past weeks. So strong for your little daughter. Now she'll be healthy again and you're allowed to be weak. Only for this moment." Michiru rocked the taller girl in her arms as the sobbing increased. "Only for this moment, let it all out..." Michiru's voice was husky and she swallowed as Haruka's arms were suddenly wrapped around her body and held her desperately tight in return.

_Hime-chan's safe._

_She won't die._

_We could help her; we could rescue her._

_Everything will be fine._

_So why the hell am I crying now?_

Haruka cursed herself silently but she simply couldn't stop. And somehow she didn't want to stop. She had gulped all of her tears over the past years. She had kept the sorrow, the pain, all those damn fears deep inside her soul. So many fears she could hardly endure all alone. Now that everything looked fine, everything inside her heart broke free, simply like that. One moment she had rested exhausted on her bed and stared at the ceiling above, the next moment tears had been streaming down her face. She couldn't hold them back any longer. She wasn't strong enough to gulp them any longer. She simply had to let them fall, although she felt ashamed of her reaction. Why did she have to sob now? Now, when there was no reason to cry any longer? Haruka had tried to hide her tears and herself under the blankets, but Michiru hadn't wanted her to hide. Instead, she had taken her in her arms and rocked her so comfortingly, all the while speaking so lovingly to her with that warm voice of hers, holding her in her soft arms, talking to her so gently.

Suddenly, Haruka didn't feel ashamed any longer. She simply let her tears fall, feeling Michiru's arms being wrapped around her body in a protective gesture.

_Just hold me._

_Hold me and never let me go._

She wanted to say it aloud, but she couldn't control her voice any longer. All that escaped her throat were sobs she couldn't suppress any longer. Consquently, she kept silent and simply held Michiru tight. As if the beautiful girl next to her was her only life line. Deep in her heart Haruka knew she was.

It took a long time until the blonde calmed down. Until her tears dried slowly and her sobs silenced in the dark room. Michiru simply held her and stroked lovingly through blond strands. Finally, Haruka raised her head. Her eyes were clearer now. As clear as a crystal. A dark green crystal.

_Arigato._

Haruka wanted to tell Michiru this important word – and so much more. To tell the young violinist about her feelings. To tell her how thankful she was that she gave her daughter a second chance. That she took care of her. To tell her that she would stay - if she wanted her to stay - and to try to transform. To search with them for the talismans. That neither Setsuna nor Michiru should ever be hurt again by such a creature they called a youma, not as long as she was around to protect them. That she fell in love with her. That she wanted to be more than her best friend. Than her partner of a strange contract that was meaningless for her, had been from the moment on when Michiru fed little Hotaru for the first time. Michiru had saved her Hime-chan, Haruka would have done anything for her.

_**- It's okay.-**_

Again she heard Michiru's calm voice in her head, like she had done so many times when she had thought that everything was too late. During the past months Michiru had been there, simply there. The only light in her life's darkness. She had been patient when Haruka couldn't transform. She had been friendly when the blonde wasn't as smart at school as the young violinist or even Elza. Michiru had been caring when she ran away and caught that terrible flu. She had been tender to her daughter and understanding when had Haruka told her about her dark past. She had been more understanding than all those doctors, nurses and social workers. She simply took Haruka the way she was. The way she was right now. Not the way she had been one year ago.

_**- It's okay. -**_

_Is it really okay? Can I believe in her words? Can I believe in that look on her face? Can I believe in the second chance she offers me? Can I..._

Every thought disappeared as Michiru leaned forward and kissed her tenderly. At first, it was only a light touch, but after some moments it deepened and got more demanding. Haruka closed her eyes and brought Michiru a little bit closer to her body and returned the kiss with all her feelings.

_It feels so damn good._

Haruka let herself being pressed on the soft mattress and felt Michiru's hand opening the last bottoms of the crumbled and dirtied shirt. Then gentle fingers caressed over soft skin, causing goose flesh all over Haruka's body. Instinctively, she wanted to protest as Michiru's hands touched the scars on her arms and the big one crossing her belly, but then she relaxed. One look in Michiru's eyes told her that the smaller girl liked her body the way it was. There was no reason to be ashamed of it: of those scars that wouldn't disappear again, of her past she couldn't change.

_It feels so right..._

Michiru kissed her again and wiped away the last tears that still sparkled on Haruka's cheeks. Now redden cheeks. Dark green eyes sparkled mysteriously and the young violinist had to smile as Haruka winced as she touched her belly again.

_Are you ticklish?_

She didn't say it aloud. She didn't have to. Haruka's giggle was answer enough. Carefully, Michiru caressed over the sensitive skin and her smile deepened as Haruka giggled again. Suddenly, the tall blonde didn't look as desperate as she had looked mere minutes ago. Now she looked happy; she looked loved.

_Loved..._

Michiru took Haruka's hands trying to stop the sweet punishment and held them softly tight. Then she learned again over the blonde and kissed her long and lovingly.

_Hai, I love her. With all my heart. No matter what she went through, I love her the way she is. With all her mistakes. With all her good sides. No matter if she's Sailor Uranus or not I love he,. Tenô Haruka._

Michiru wanted to say all those words. She wanted to say them all at once, but then she couldn't stop that kiss. It became more and more hungry and Michiru let Haruka's hands go again.

_I want you to stay. Forever. With me. Together with your little daughter._

Michiru's hands caressed more boldly Haruka's body and without hesitation she stripped the rest of the crumbled clothes. They landed somewhere near the bed. Michiru didn't care about them; they would land in the washing machine later, anyway. She didn't even notice that wind blew against the curtain, causing it to move a little bit and therefore letting the orange light of the new born day shone down at them. Haruka's blonde hair sparkled golden in the sun's light and Michiru's green curls looked like the waves of the deep sea.

Wind and sea.

Always belonging to each other.

No matter what happened.

Michiru stripped her t shirt as well and kissed Haruka again. The tall girl closed her eyes as their body touched, tried to prepare herself, but it didn't hurt. There was no pain as she had expected after all the things Hikari had told her after all those other guys hurt her. Just the way _he_ had once tried to hurt Haruka. Michiru touching her wasn't brutal. It wasn't disgusting. It wasn't shameful. No, it was wonderful. It felt as if butterflies were flying around in her body.

"Ruka..." whispered Michiru and her voice was a little bit out of breath. Haruka opened her eyes again and looked directly into a blushed face. The most beautiful smile she had ever seen was on Michiru's red lips. "Everything alright?" asked Michiru and caressed again Haruka's belly. Just to laugh amused as Haruka had to giggle again.

For a long time they looked each other into the eyes. Feeling their bodies as near to each other as possible. Feeling the other one's racing heart beat under their hands.

Finally Haruka nodded. Smiling.

_Hai, everything's alright, because you are here._

Michiru smiled back and kissed her even more lovingly than before, if that was possible.

_I love you, Ruka. With every part of my body. With every part of my soul._

_I love you, Michi._

_Please stay forever._

_Don't ever let me ever go again._

They both wanted to say so much to each other, but again they couldn't break the sweet kiss. Slowly, their bodies started to move in a calm but steady rhythm and Haruka closed her eyes again. This feeling was incredible. It was the best feeling she had ever experienced.

_**- Do you know love? -**_

There was again the question of their biology teacher in Haruka's mind and she wrapped her arms around Michiru's shoulders to bring her nearer to herself.

_**- Do you know love? -**_

Now she knew it. She felt it. Her whole body trembled and she didn't want to end that feeling: the feeling of being safe and secure. The feeling of finally belonging somewhere. The feeling of being loved, unconditionally loved.

It was so natural to be with her Michi. It felt so good, so incredibly good. So right. This was the place where she belonged: in her Michi's arms. This was the place she never wanted to leave again. Never.

_**- There're people out there who need you. Who will love you with all consequences.- **_

Suddenly Haruka had to think of Hikari's words. Words she had believed to hear when she had been on the most dangerous trip of her life. So true words. As always Hikari had been right. Here was someone who obviously loved her. She could feel it, and it felt so incredibly right.

Michiru felt how Haruka held her tighter and moved her body a little bit faster. She gasped for breath, but had to kiss her lover again. And again. And again. It seemed as if she would never get enough of those sweet lips. Of that sweet body.

_I love you so much!_

_Why didn't I meet you earlier? Why couldn't I help you earlier? Why did you have to endure so much pain? Why..._

But she knew that she could be there. Now. Here. In their future.

The wind seemed to increase and the window was pushed opened. Neither Haruka nor Michiru realized it. All they saw, all they felt was their partner. The sea seemed to be louder than normal and the wind to be stronger. The sun's golden light grew stronger and seemed to embrace the two girls lying on the soft mattress. Two signs glowed at two sweaty foreheads, but they didn't see them. Their eyes were closed and their lips never parted. 

_I love you, Michi._

_I love you, Ruka._

From one moment to the next one the light seemed to increase and disappeared into nothing. Michiru whispered softly Haruka's name while the blonde held her lover a little bit tighter. Then they collapsed on the soft mattress. Sweating. Panting. Being incredibly happy.

_I love you..._

Michiru wanted to say those sweet words, but again the desire to kiss her lover was stronger. Tenderly, she kissed Haruka and covered the both of them with a blanket. Warm arms were still wrapped around her body and she felt as loved as she hadn't felt before in her entire life.

She didn't want to break that magical moment. That's why she ignored the ringing of the telephone. Of course it could be the hospital, telling them that something was wrong. Of course it could be their parents, asking them when they would return to the hospital, so that they would fetch them up. It was better to answer the telephone, but Michiru didn't want to go.

"Michi?" she could hear Setsuna's voice suddenly shouting through the silent house. "It's your conductor. He simply won't give up!"

Michiru cursed silently and sighed deeply. She gazed deeply into Haruka's dark green eyes and kissed her quickly.

"I'll be right back," she promised in a whisper. Then she grabbed for her t shirt, pulled it with a clumsy gesture over her body and stumbled over to the door, silently cursing her conductor to shut up for once. Haruka crept deeper into the blanket that was still filled with Michiru's warmth and watched her leaving the room.

There was a smile on the blonde's blushed face. An incredibly happy smile.

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"The day to record our CD is today?"

Setsuna yawned and watched her little sister looking shocked at the phone in her hands. Of course it was her conductor. Of course it was important. Of course he talked so long to Setsuna until the tall woman gave up and actually called for her smaller sister - knowing that Michiru was surely incredibly tired. 

_Damn! Hime-chan's operation has only been some hours ago._

_Surely she's exhausted._

_She should go back to bed and not to her orchestra. Can't they record that CD on their own?_

However, Setsuna knew they couldn't. Michiru was the star. She even wanted to record a solo song, although she still couldn't decide which one to play. Michiru couldn't say no, Setsuna knew that all too well. Her conductor would talk to her so long until Michiru would finally agree.

"But..."

Setsuna leaned against the wall and yawned heartly. She was tired, as well, but there were still so many thoughts spinning around in her mind keeping her from lying down on her soft bed, because she was sure that she'd have another nightmare once she'd close her eyes. One of those terrible nightmares about Elza laughing at her and running away. Or about Dr. Sugara-san telling her that little Hotaru didn't make it. Or about a youma killing her beloved sister. There were so many things she had to think about... so many problems she couldn't find an answer for. Setsuna wasn't very keen on waking up in the middle of the night, panting, swearing, screaming in silence.

_The paper says that there are some more talk shows on air this morning..._

"But... okay..."

Setsuna smiled sadly as she saw her sister giving in. Certainly, she would have cancelled a normal rehearsal at the very instant - as she had cancelled so many rehearsals during the last weeks: whenever they had to go to the doctor with little Hotaru. Whenever there was something going on with Haruka - an appointment with her social worker or another test at school that took a little bit longer. Michiru had cancelled so many meetings with her orchestra, surely she had a bad conscience. Certainly, she wanted to go to the recording; at least to be there at that very important meeting.

"I'll be off. We'll record a new CD today and I can't let the guys down," sighed Michiru as she put down the telephone. "Guess I'll be home in the evening." The young woman yawned and shrugged her shoulders as she saw the unasked questions in her bigger sister's eyes. "If there're any news from hospital call me up. My cell phone will be on all the time - no matter what my conductor will think about it."

Setsuna opened her mouth... and closed it again. It was senseless to tell her smaller sister to stay. Therefore, she walked over to her and embraced her quickly, but warmly.

"Promise me one thing."

"What?"

"Tomorrow night you'll sleep at least ten hours, no matter what will happen."

"What about earthquakes?"

"Our house is stable."

"What about a tsunami?"

"We have good, closed windows."

"What about..."

"Then I'll punish them in the name of Pluto, okay?"

"Okay."

Michiru smiled tiredly and went upstairs to change. Setsuna watched her in silence and closed her burning eyes for some moments.

_Everything will be fine from now on._

_Everything will be, right?_

The senshi of time wasn't allowed to ask her staff, but she knew that everything had to be fine from this moment on, because otherwise she wasn't sure if they would be strong enough any longer to fight for their happiness.

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"Ruka?"

Michiru opened the door carefully and sneaked silently into the twilight. The blonde had rolled herself up in a ball and was fast asleep.

_It had been a long night._

The young violinist knelt down before the bed and stroked carefully through sandy hair. A slight smile appeared on a pale face as Michiru leaned forward and placed a kiss on Haruka's forehead.

_It had been long months..._

"I'll be back soon," whispered the senshi of the ocean, but all she got as a reply was an undistinguishable mutter. "Just find some sleep and rest."

Again she saw the blonde standing on this dirty street, holding her big belly.

Again she saw the blonde backing away from her at the car wash shop.

Again she saw the blonde feeding her daughter in her tiny apartment.

Again she saw Haruka arguing with Tamara about a silly topic at school.

Again she saw Haruka fighting against the youmas, although her only weapon had been a dragger.

Again she saw Haruka speaking so quietly to her social worker.

Again she saw her Ruka petting a whimpering and begging Orpheus.

Again she saw her Ruka playing cards with Elza and discussing with Setsuna whether the formula she had used was really right.

Again she saw her Ruka holding little Hotaru in the swimming pool, smiling lovingly at her.

Again she felt her partner holding her tight, comforting her.

Again she felt her partner protecting her against the youmas, Tamara, the pills and all those other demons in this world.

Again she felt her lover kissing her. So intensive, with all her feelings...

Michiru swallowed and stroked some strands out of a sweaty forehead. Suddenly, she knew that it didn't matter to her at all who Haruka had been during the past years. Suddenly, it didn't matter if she had committed several crimes like robbing helpless people or doing even worse things. All that mattered to Michiru was the girl in front of her. The girl Haruka was now. The past was over, it wasn't important any longer.

_I wish I would have met you earlier..._

Michiru kissed Haruka softly on her lips before she rose and left the room.

"I love you..."

Her whisper hung in the air, just like a sweet melody, covering the sleeping girl like a warming blanket.

_I love you._

_And once Hime-chan's okay and our lives will have calmed somewhat, I'll tell you and ask you if you, no, if you and your daughter want to stay forever._

Michiru gulped as she took her violin case and stumbled out of the front room to get her car.

_With me..._

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_And now?_

Setsuna sat on the corner of her bed and looked at the red haired girl, lying under the thick blankets, snoring silently in her sleep. Elza had hardly managed to watch the first talk show; she had fallen fast asleep on the couch and Setsuna had carried her to her bed. She didn't want the smaller girl to have a backache once she would wake up again.

_And now?_

The young woman brought her legs to her chest and wrapped her arms around her knees. Her dark eyes sparkled as she watched her Elza-chan sleep. The most important person - besides her family - in her life. A loud, hectic girl who would drive her crazy one day. A cheeky girl who liked to wear so short skirts that Setsuna always argued with her that she would catch a big cold at a time like this. An always open and friendly girl Setsuna had lost her heart to many years ago. She couldn't remember the day she had noticed that she was in love with her best friend, maybe she had always loved her. All those years she had kept her feelings deep inside herself, because she hadn't wanted to hurt Elza, nor had she wanted to lose the wild tomboy who drove her car secretly, always provoked her with her colourful, daring clothes and wanted to sleep in her bed. All those years Setsuna had hid her love - and hurt herself and her Elza with her behaviour. Her Elza-chan she had never wanted to do any harm.

_And now?_

Setsuna leaned herself against the wall and sighed deeply. Now she knew that Elza loved her in return. The staff of time had showed it to her very clearly. Suddenly, Elza's behaviour made sense. Suddenly, her reactions were logical. Suddenly, Setsuna had to see that she had been a big idiot for such a long time.

_Should we start anew?_

Yet, at the same time she knew that they couldn't change the past, nor could they forget all those years. Maybe Elza would think about their first kiss - and its consequences - for the rest of her life? Maybe she would never trust Setsuna again who had pushed her away as she had opened her heart to her. Maybe Setsuna would never be able to forgive herself what she had said to Elza during the past weeks.

_Is it too late?_

Setsuna didn't know. During the past twenty four hours Elza hadn't even made one attempt to kiss her or to get closer to her.

_Of course not! There was Hime-chan's operation and we all were like paralysed… Elza-chan has cried a lot…_

Setsuna felt worse with every second that passed. She should be worried about Hime-chan and not think so much about her love life - or at least the love she had pushed away over the past five years, because she had been too blind to see the real feelings behind Elza's desperate attempts to tell her the truth.

_I should be concerned about Hime-chan. I am a bad girl..._

Setsuna sighed again and got finally out of her bed. Her right leg hurt like hell and her mind was dizzy, but she didn't want to sleep. Maybe a coffee would help. Maybe she would feel better then and be able to recollect and to order her thoughts spinning around in her mind.

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It was noon when Haruka woke up. She knew the exact time immediately, because she stared the clock hanging on the other side of her room when she opened her eyes.

_Nani?_

She rubbed her tired eyes and looked around, not really understanding what she was seeing. Her thoughts were as thick as honey and she yawned before she crept out of the bed.

_Where are my clothes?_

Haruka frowned and wrapped her blanket around her still tired body. Automatically, she walked over to the cradle and had to see that she was empty.

_Where's Hime-chan?_

At that moment memory hit her like lightening. Her green eyes grew wide and she leaned herself against the wall in the vain attempt of support. Her legs felt like rubber and the world spun around her.

_They've found a new heart._

_The operation._

_The doctor says that everything is alright._

_My Hime-chan will be fine again_.

Haruka gulped and wrapped her arms around her suddenly freezing body.

_Michi insisted that I should go home instead of staying in hospital._

_She wants to go with me to visit Hime-chan when I've slept a little bit._

_I've slept a little bit, so let's go._

Haruka opened the door and went over to Michiru's room. Without caring to knock she entered it, but the bed there was untouched. The tall girl looked everywhere, but Michiru was not even in here bathroom.

_Where's Michi?_

_Why isn't she here?_

Suddenly another memory hit her and Haruka blushed deeply before she went pale again. From one moment to the other she remembered what had happened in the morning. She had been so relieved about the doctors positive words after all the months of hoping and praying, after the long and hard operation, that she had to let out all the fears she had tried to lock up in her heart. Michiru had been there to comfort her. And then she had showed her the way love was supposed to look like. 

Haruka blinked as she saw that the violin case was gone and some of Michiru's music books, as well.

At least Michiru had showed her the way physical love felt like without pain and humiliation and all that shame...

Why did she do that?

_To comfort me?_

_To show me that she loves me?_

Haruka bit on her lower lip and turned around to leave the room. She stumbled over the waste basket and soon crumbled papers covered the carpet. As quickly as her wobbling legs carried her, she walked downstairs and opened the front door wide, but the silver Ferrari wasn't in the garage, it wasn't in the drive. It was gone.

_When she loves me, why isn't she here?_

Haruka blinked and stood for some moments motionless on the icy asphalt of the drive. Cold winds were playing with her messed hair. There was no snow lying on the ground yet, but soon it would snow again and then the white material of the coming winter would stay. The clouds looked grey, the sea was wilder than normal, the wind made the waves and the naked branches of the ghostly trees rush. However, the tall girl didn't notice them. She only stared down the street until it hid behind a bend, foolishly wishing that a car would appear. Wishing that Michiru would come back. To her. Haruka felt the need to talk to her about little Hotaru's operation. About their future now that the little girl would survive and become healthy again. About what had happened this morning...

Haruka gulped and wrapped the blanked tighter around her body, not noticing that she trembled in the late autumn's cold wind. Even the rays of the sun blinking from time to time through the thick clouds were too weak to give any warmth back.

_She did it because she loves me, right?_

_Has anyone every done anything, because they have loved you since your parents death?_

_But she helped Hime-chan and she was touching me so tenderly..._

_Of course she was. You've made a contract with her, haven't you?_

_She didn't do it because of the contract!_

_So why isn't she here, baka?_

_Surely she has something important to do._

_More important than staying here with you? More important than returning to the hospital to visit your daughter? More important than being with you just in case that anything might happen?_

_Nothing will happen!_

Haruka struggled with herself, but the inner voice simply didn't shut up as she desperately begged her to. 

_But that's not an excuse for her to go away._

_She didn't go away. She's just..._

_Not here. You don't know where she is, right? Guess she has better things to do than to talk to someone like you._

_No!_

_She knows about your past, she's paid you one million yen, maybe even more, because Hotaru's operation was more complicate than you have ever thought possible._

_Michiru isn't like them!_

_She bought you with that money, right? She fulfilled her part of the contract yesterday, maybe you fulfilled it this morning. Eh?_

_No! Michi isn't like all those guys. She isn't like them. She is someone special!_

_Do you really think so?_

_Hai! She likes me, otherwise she wouldn't have taken care of me and my daughter._

_Do you really think so?_

_Hai! She told me that everything is okay, even when she thought that I could be infected with AIDS._

_Do you really think so?_

_Hai! She not one of those spoiled girls who gave me some coins because of sympathy. She is different. She is someone special for me._

_Do you really think so? Do you? Do you?_

_Hai..._

_Poor girl. She's a rich princess, you are a poor beggar. Why should she like or even love someone like you? You have big problems, you have an ill daughter, because even after the operation there will be a lot check ups with the doctor and a lot of medicine she has to take. Expensive medicine. Guess she only did it for fun, and not because of you! She wanted you to become a senshi, and, did you transform? No. You are a total disappointment. Surely you haven't even been good enough in bed so that she went away as soon as possible._

_Shut up!_

_You don't want to hear it? You don't want to hear the truth? You know what happened the last time you had been so blind to believe in friendship and love, right? You were all alone in the end, desperate, ready to die. Do you want to make the same mistakes again, because you are running after a dream you simply cannot catch?_

_Shut up!_

Haruka pressed her trembling hands over her ears, trying to block out the cruel voice in her mind, mocking her, asking her all the questions for which she didn't have answers, didn't dare to find true answers, anyway. However, there was no use; the voice wouldn't quieten so easily. It never had before.

_Are you so blind? Are you so stupid? She's too good for you. You are too bad for her. It's just the way it is. Accept it before it destroys you again._

_No! You are lying!_

_Why should I? Or did she, one single time, tell you that she loves you? Just once, heh?_

_She didn't, did she?_

Haruka blinked again as tears filled her eyes, but she didn't want to cry. Crying had never changed anything. It hadn't when her parents died, it hadn't when Hikari left her. It hadn't during the last morning when she had been so relieved that the operation was a success, that her daughter got a second change, that the little baby wouldn't have to die too soon.

_She didn't and she will never do, baka. See it and try to get over it._

_SHUT UP!_

"Haruka?"

The tall girl winced wildly as she felt the warm hand on her right shoulder. She spun around and was graceful as the brutal voice finally died away in her head. Although she knew that it was only a matter of time until it would return again: the voice of her deepest fears.

"What are you doing out here?" Setsuna didn't wait for an answer. She simply took the icy hand of the other girl and leaded her back to into her house, through the corridor and right into the kitchen where she pushed her gently onto a chair. Haruka followed her in silence, wondering why Setsuna was awake so early and why she was already wearing her normal clothes and no longer her pyjamas.

"Did you have a nightmare?" Setsuna searched in the cupboards and some minutes later a steaming tea was standing in front of Haruka. Of a still very silent Haruka who didn't move. Who only stared at the young woman with big, green eyes.

_Certainly, it had been too much for her yesterday. First, we've wait for so many agonizing weeks and then it's over within only some hours._

Setsuna smiled friendly at the blonde and brought her chair nearer to Haruka. Elza was still in Setsuna's bed, sleeping soundly. It seemed that not even a bomb exploding right beside her could wake the red haired girl up. The young woman decided to let her sleep as long as Elza wanted. The red haired girl surely needed after all the events Setsuna had seen through her time staff.

_Haruka and her daughter are more important than your silly love problems!_

Setsuna scolded herself and blinked as she saw how much Haruka's hand trembled as she tried to sprinkle some sugar into her tea; half of it landed on the table. Setsuna sighed deeply. She took that icy hand determinedly in her warm ones and held it tight. Then she looked directly into Haruka's unfocused eyes.

"Everything's alright, Haruka."

"The hospital didn't ring you up to tell you that there were some complications after we've left?"

"No. Only our parents wanted to talk to you one hour ago, but I let you sleep. You looked so tired this morning."

Haruka nodded.

_Our parents..._

They both didn't realize the slip; it sounded so natural.

"No complications with Hime-chan?"

"No, none." Setsuna's smile deepened and she took the spoon to fill sugar into the tea for Haruka. "Everything looks fine."

"I want to visit Hime-chan."

"We can go as soon as you change into some other clothes." The tall woman pointed at the blanked and smirked. "Maybe it's the newest fashion, but I guess it's too cold for the outside world." Setsuna shook her head. "For Elza it would be a new fashion. In screaming pink."

Finally, Haruka managed a small smile and warmed her free hand on the hot tea glass. For some moments they sat there in silence, both thinking of nothing special.

"Where's Michi?" asked Haruka silently and lowered her head to stare into the golden water.

"At the opera." The senshi of time sighed deeply and finally shrugged her shoulders. "You know her; she simply can't say no when her conductor calls her. At least not when they want to record a CD. It's hard to handle such a big orchestra and Michi's the first violin. She is very important for the entire recording process and therefore she agreed begrudgingly and left. But she promised me to be back again in the evening."

Haruka nodded, but didn't respond anything.

_You know her..._

_Do I really know her?_

_Really?_

_No, because then I would have understood her behaviour._

At that moment the telephone rang. Setsuna let go of Haruka's hand and looked shortly at her watch. It was past noon, surely her parents called again to ask when they would meet at hospital.

"Drink your tea and get yourself ready, Haruka. I'll tell my parents that we'll meet in about half an hour, ok?" 

Haruka only nodded and took the spoon again. Her hand still shook terribly, but she managed to stir her tea. Silently she watched the sugar dissolving.

_She went away to record a CD. After a day like that one. Well, maybe that's simply the way a musician reacts._

_Are you sure?_

_I am not a musician._

_Right, you aren't a musician, you aren't a senshi. You are a nothing!_

_Oh, leave me alone!_

"Haruka!"

There was something in Setsuna's voice that let Haruka stiffen. Feeling suddenly paralysed, all she could do was to watch the young woman stumbling into the kitchen. Strangely, the senshi of time seemed to move in slow motion. Her face was pale and her long, green hair hang around her like a dark cape. Her dark eyes were sparkling with unshed tears.

_No._

_Not this._

_No, please, no!_

"It was the hospital. There are complications with Hime-chan's new heart." Setsuna gulped, spoke out the words Haruka didn't want to hear. "Big complications."

_This must be a nightmare._

_God, please, let it me just have a bad nightmare and let me wake up again. Please!_

Yet she knew that it wasn't a nightmare. She wasn't sleeping. This was reality. And it showed her again that someone like her didn't have the right to dream of a better life.

"Haruka? Did you understand me? We need to hurry up! It's urgent!" Setsuna grabbed Haruka's right arm and pulled the still paralysed girl with her. None of them cared that Haruka still held on to the hot tea glass, pulling it down with her. They both didn't hear the crash as the glass broke on the hard ground, nor did they see the golden water forming a small sea on the white floor.

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**Author's corner:**

Sorry for the delayed update, but the freezing weather in Germany caught me unaware. California was so sunny, so warm, so nice. And now I have to endure thunderstorms combined with snowstorms – no wonder my body caught _the_ worst cold I've had in years .

I was by no means able to reread the next 21 pages of my story nor did I feel strong enough to fight with ffnet to upload it.

I hope you liked these 21 pages, although I left you with a wicket cliff hanger again _hehehehe_. Thank you all again for your nice comments. Have a nice Easter holiday. I'll try to spend some time with my family over the holidays, therefore expect the next update after Easter.

Next update:

20 percent. Is that still a chance? A decision has to be made. Haruka knows what to do. Michiru disagrees. And Hotaru interferes.


	13. Chapter 5: Tiny heart 2

Haruka didn't understand the doctor's words

Haruka didn't want to understand Dr. Sugara-san's words. Her entire world had turned into a movie, a really bad movie, and she was only the audience, watching it with rising panic and horror. Setsuna drove her car like a maniac and surely she would have to explain a lot to the police who had tried to catch them, but had to give up at the third red traffic light. Now the young woman was standing right beside her, talking to Dr. Sugara-san who didn't smile any longer. Now the older man looked very serious - and sad.

"Her little body doesn't accept the new heart. We need to operate again. Quickly. We need your agreement and..."

Haruka heard the doctor's words, but she wasn't willing to understand them. They had waited for so long for a new heart and finally found one; it couldn't be over like this. All her hopes, all her will, all her strength for her daughter they couldn't have been in vain. They simply couldn't have been for nothing!

"I've already called your parents, Setsuna. They'll be here any minute. We'll have to decide quickly."

"How dangerous is it?"

"I have to be honest, Setsuna. If we don't operate, she won't survive this evening."

"Shimatta!"

It was the first time that Haruka heard Setsuna curse so loudly, but still she didn't react. She couldn't look at the doctor, because looking at him, hearing his words and finally understanding them in her mind would have meant to accept reality. A reality that was too cruel to face.

"How are her chances if we operate quickly?"

Haruka couldn't understand how Setsuna was able to react so calmly, to ask so many questions, yet to find so many questions in her head. Haruka's was empty, just like her mind seemed to be frozen.

"Twenty percent - at the most."

Haruka automatically went away. No one stopped her. No one held her back. Obviously, they waited for Setsuna's parents and wanted to let her enough peace to think about little Hotaru's future. To dwell about the decision they had to made now. If there was really a choice left for them…

_Twenty percent._

Haruka felt like walking on broken glass of another shattered life. Of a dream she had been too bold to dream. Of a hope that never had a real change, was doomed to be destroyed sooner or later, because Tenôs weren't lucky. They never had been.

_Twenty percent._

She had been foolish to believe in a beautiful woman with eyes as deep as the ocean who had promised her a bright future with a happy, laughing girl.

_Not again!_

The voices of the doctor and the senshi of time died away. Haruka was thankful for that. She wasn't sure how long she could have been able to listen to their conversation any longer. It was like listening to a stranger's operation, like watching a bad documentary on television, like reading a paper of the rainbow press. The facts were so cruel, so heart-breakingly; Haruka knew once she had to see that they were really talking about her daughter's operation and not some poor orphan or an important business man's daughter, she would go crazy.

_Hime-chan..._

Haruka stopped and stared through the familiar class window. It was the same window she had looked through only a couple of hours ago. When they had all thought that Hime-chan would make it. That the little girl would grow up and be a healthy, cheeky girl one day. Everything had looked so fantastic merely some hours ago. Now Haruka was standing at another abyss that was called her life, knowing that she wouldn't overcome this one as easily as she did overcome the last one. Whatever had happened on the street when she took those drugs didn't matter to her any longer. Her daughter had been the light in her darkness, her own personal miracle who rescued her. Little Hotaru gave her the will and the strength to get clean, to live again, to hope for a better future.

_I can't live without her._

_I simply can't._

Haruka gulped and pressed her hands against the pane, seeing only the small glass container standing in the middle of the room. There were machines around it Haruka hadn't seen in the morning. They were making noises the tall girl could even hear outside on the corridor. A nurse opened the near door, shortly greeted her and hurried away. Haruka stared at her and then again over to her daughter. Then she glanced around on the corridor and finally entered the room. Except for the little glass bed and the machines it was empty. There was no nurse nor doctor around. Now, there were only Haruka and her daughter. Left in a world that had never accepted them, had never wanted them.

Twenty percent...

Haruka took a shaky breath and went over to her daughter's glassy bed. Suddenly, she was reminded of Snow White, a story she had read so often to her Hime-chan during the last months. The little girl had loved the pictures in the thick book Sestuna had found in the depths of her messy room: a yellowed book with cuts on the cover, but with the most beautiful drawings of fairy tales characters the blonde had ever seen before.

_Now you're a Snow White._

Haruka gulped, trying to squint the tears away burning in her eyes.

_Skin white as snow, hair black as ebony._

The blonde closed the door silently behind herself, locked it.

In a glass coffin…

The whole world seemed to spin around like a mad roller coaster and Haruka felt like throwing up, but she knew that she wasn't allowed to be sick, to be weak, to be a coward. Finally, after five endless steps, she had reached the container and her daughter lying in it. She didn't look like her little Hotaru any longer. Suddenly, she seemed to be even tinier than Haruka could remember. Her eyes were shut and she couldn't even clench her fists any longer, the way she had always done when she slept deep and tight, when she dreamed. Her chest was wrapped into different bandages and her little mouth and nose were covered with tubes that helped her breathe. Or did they even make her breathe? Was Hotaru's new heart still able to let the little girl breathe on her own? Haruka didn't know, but she feared that the loud machines around them indeed did confirm her worst nightmares. Different drips were connected to tiny arms and Haruka asked herself how they could hold on to the thin skin.

_Hime-chan..._

Haruka wasn't able to say it out loud. To talk to her daughter, to call her by her nickname. She felt dizzy and didn't trust her voice any longer.

_Twenty percent..._

The tall girl gulped and didn't even notice two tears finally escaping her burning eyes. Her view was blurred, but not blurred enough to ignore the cruel picture in front of her. Her daughter was hardly alive any longer. All that kept her in this world were those machines - and another operation whose outcome was uncertain. There was an eighty percent chance that this little girl would die in the operation room. With her chest being cut open. With blood everywhere. Probably with a doctor having his hand inside her small body, trying to coax her new heart to strike again.

Haruka gulped again and the nausea was almost overwhelming.

Little Hotaru would die with an eighty percent chance after she would have experienced a lot of pain. More pain than she had endured to the last days, weeks, months. Maybe even more than her little body had to take since the day she was born.

_So much pain._

_Too much pain..._

Haruka gulped. And gulped again. Then she turned around and vomited. Her stomach was empty and she was thankful that she hadn't touched the tea Setsuna had made her about thirty minutes ago. In another time. In another life, an obviously better life.

The blonde took a deep breath and wiped her mouth on the pullover Elza had once bought her at their first shopping tour as she had called it. Months ago. When they still believed. When they still hoped. When there had still been a future for them at the edge of the horizon. Now, Haruka saw only bleak darkness.

No…

Haruka stared out of the glass window, not really seeing the outside world any longer. Then she turned again towards her little daughter. She didn't care to darken the room, to let the blinds down. She didn't think of the nurses or doctors that might look through the class window. Haruka simply didn't want them to come near her daughter again. To hurt her again with those scalpels and those injections. Her Hime-chan had already experienced too much pain all in vain - for nothing! It was over. It had to be over! Haruka would no one let hurt her daughter again. Never!

_Hime-chan..._

She wanted to say her little girl's nickname out loud, but her voice broke before she could even manage to say one single syllable. Haruka bowed over the coffin of glass and carefully, very carefully brought her daughter into her arms and to her chest. The baby was so light, so motionless, so tiny... More tears ran over Haruka's face as she bowed down to kiss the tiny forehead. Hotaru didn't react. She didn't smile in her dreams; she didn't stretch her tiny hands towards her mother; she didn't even open her eyes to look at Haruka. To laugh at her not only with her mouth but also with the sparkle in her sea green eyes.

_I love you._

_I will always love you._

Haruka gulped and her arms trembled as she started to rock the small baby in her arms. Her daughter who wouldn't survive the operation. Twenty percent... Hotaru was not strong enough any longer to endure all this pain. Haruka wasn't willing to put Hotaru in even more pain than she was already in.

_Hime-chan._

_My little sunshine..._

Again she was reminded the day of Hotaru's birth. Has it really been only half a year ago? Had her life chanced so much during only six months? Haruka couldn't imagine any longer a life without her daughter. A lot of nurses, some doctors and surely more than just one social worker had told her that it was a fault to keep her little girl and not to abort her or to gave her away, but Haruka knew better. If she had the chance to live her life again, she would do the same she had done. She would go again on the street, she would live again that nightmare, if she only had again the chance to meet her Hime-chan. She had been worth every nightmare, every humiliation, every moment of despair. Haruka could remember too well the day when she held this baby for the first time in her arms. Only for this moment, the best in her shabby life, she would walk through hell and back. Again. For her she would do anything.

_My little miracle._

The tall woman stroked over fluffy, dark hair, yet still the girl didn't react.

Yes, for Hime-chan she would do anything, even give up her own life. The harder was the knowledge that she couldn't do anything for her. That she had to stay beside her bed of glass and watch her helplessly. Her little darling who was in so much pain, because of her shameful mother. Haruka had been drug addicted, that's why Hotaru's heart took damage, and because Haruka had been so damn poor, she couldn't go to a doctor earlier. Maybe there would have been a bigger chance if Hotaru could have seen a doctor earlier in her life, if Dr. Sugara-san could have taken care of her from her birth on and not so shortly before her death.

_It's all my fault, Hime-chan._

_Will you ever be able to forgive me?_

Haruka sobbed quietly, knowing that she would never be able to forgive herself. She had always wanted to be a good mother, to be there for her daughter and to protect her against all the evil waiting in this cruel world. She had wanted to love her daughter with all her heart - even if she had been only eighteen years old and more than one doctor had told her that she was too young to be a good mother.

_They have been all right. _

_I am a bad mother._

_I couldn't rescue you, Hime-chan, although I've promised you to be there for you._

_I..._

Haruka gulped and kissed again the tiny forehead.

_I should be the one lying there, being deadly ill. Dying..._

_I should be the one. I! Not you! I!_

The blonde took a deep breath and tried to hum a sweet melody. She failed miserably.

_Twenty percent._

Haruka glanced at the machines, at the tubes and the needles piercing a fragile skin. She stared with tears now running freely over her cheeks at her daughter's lifeless face, almost feeling the pain the little body had to experience.

No, they won't cut you open again, Hime-chan!

_They won't hurt you any longer!_

_This pain has to end. Ultimately!_

Haruka held her daughter tighter and stepped nearer to the machines making so many different noises. Noises that drove the tall girl crazy.

_You'll never have to suffer again, Hime-chan. I won't let you suffer any longer, I promise. Don't worry, I'll keep that promise._

Haruka raised her hand, not hearing someone knocking frantically at the door. She didn't hear the screams outside the room nor did she hear someone trying to smash the glass window. Haruka only saw her daughter lying in her arms. Like a wax figure. Like a puppet. Like a little girl who had deserved a better life than the one this world had offered her.

_I love you, Hime-chan._

_I love you with all my heart. You know that, Hime-chan, right? You know that your mommy loves you._

Haruka gulped and switched off the first machine. The noise died away and the drips stopped to work. Carefully, the tall girl put away the needles and caressed over bruised skin.

_No more pain._

_It's too much._

_Never again, Hime-chan._

_You won't have to suffer any longer._

Haruka switched off the second and the third machine. The silence that welcomed her was dreamy. Hotaru didn't move in her arms. She only laid there and stopped breathing.

_Don't worry, Hime-chan. You don't have to wait for too long. Soon I'll be with you again and then I'll take better care of you, ok?_

_In another world without so much pain, without so much suffering, without so much mourning._

Haruka smiled under her tears and rocked the lifeless baby tenderly in her arms.

_I love you, Hime-chan. I love you._

Haruka's smile deepened as the door flew finally open.

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Michiru didn't know where she had put her violin. She couldn't remember what she had said to, or rather shouted at her conductor nor did she remember his face or his reaction. Somehow she had managed to get to the hospital, but the way through the streets of Tokyo was mystery to her. She simply couldn't recall any of her fast journey. After she had received a phone call by her sister, everything turned unreal with a sudden. Everything blurred and she seemed to be the only moving part in a frozen world as she ran through the hospital corridors. She didn't have to search for long: Setsuna and Dr. Sugara-san were standing near the ICU where Hime-chan was taken care of and talked to each other. Michiru didn't like the looks on their faces. No, she didn't like their expressions at all.

"What happened?" she shouted, gasping for breath. Setsuna turned around and by the tears in her eyes Michiru knew that the worst had happened.

_No!_

_Please not!_

_Not Hime-chan._

_God, please, not her!_

Michiru saw her bigger sister gulping and Setsuna was only able to talk to her after the third try when her voice had sounded incredibly hoarse.

"We need to operate again. Everything is ready, Haruka and you only have to sign the papers."

"Nani?"

"Her body won't accept her new heart," explained the doctor gravely and put his hand in a comforting gesture on her right shoulder. "I am sorry, but only this operation will save her young life."

"Does she get a new heart?"

"No. We don't have a new one. She'll get an artificial one."

Michiru shivered. Of course she had heard about this method, as well. She knew how tiny the chances were to survive with an artificial heart for a longer time. It was a painful procedure and it was very dangerous.

"Her chances?"

"Twenty percent. At the maximum."

Twenty percent. Shimatta!

Michiru gulped, too overwhelmed by the situation. It seemed as if her entire world was breaking down over her and she wasn't able to hold together the few pieces she could catch.

The next moment her own fears were gone and replaced by a wave of despair and guilt. She gasped hard for breath and stumbled back. She would have fallen down if Setsuna hadn't grabbed her arm to hold her back.

"Michi? Everything alright? Michi?!"

From far away she could hear her sister's voice, but she couldn't reply. Those feelings were too intense. They filled her entire body, seemed to suffocate her. Seemed to fill all of her world.

_**- No, they won't cut you open again, Himme-chan!**_

_**They won't hurt you any longer!**_

_**This pain has to end. Ultimately! -**_

Those desperate thoughts filled her mind, but were gone before she could react. Clearly, she could see the lifeless body before her and for one moment she thought she was holding little Hotaru in her arms. Her stomach turned into stone and her forehead seemed to burn.

No!

Michiru's eyes grew wide and she freed herself out of Setsuna's supporting embrace.

"Where's Ruka?" she didn't notice that she had screamed at them. She didn't see Setsuna and the doctor exchanging glances; both of them got suddenly very pale. Instinctively, she ran along the corridor, not knowing where she was running to, but being sure that it was the right direction.

_No, Ruka! No. Not when there's still a chance. No matter how tiny it is. Please, Ruka... no..._

She almost crashed into the glass window where she had talked to Haruka only some hours ago, telling the blonde that everything was fine. That they should go home and get some sleep. That Hotaru would survive this dangerous operation to be a strong, healthy girl soon.

_Oh, I had been so wrong. So fucking wrong._

Michiru glanced through the window and her heart almost stopped to beat. She saw Haruka standing there, holding a small bundle in her arms, certainly little Hotaru, because the bed of glass was empty. Tears were streaming over Haruka's cheeks as she rocked the small baby in her arms. There was the saddest smile on Haruka's pale face Michiru had ever seen before in her life. It made her heart break.

_I understand her._

Michiru gulped and clenched her fists.

I understand her, but that's not the solution. It can't be the solution. It mustn't be!

"Ruka!" she screamed and banged against the glass as hard as she could. However, she couldn't smash it.

"Ruka! Stop it! Ruka!" Her forehead burned even more, it almost hurt, but she didn't care about it. She only saw Haruka going over to the machines to switch them off - and to switch off Hime-chan's life with them.

"NO!"

Michiru shook her head, not noticing how action evolved around her. The corridor was suddenly filled with shouts. Somewhere there was Setsuna and her parents and Dr. Sugara-san and all the other people who worked in this hospital or were patients, as well. Michiru didn't notice them any longer. She only saw a desperate Haruka and a dying Hotaru. The two most important people in her life.

"NO!!"

Without thinking Michiru raised her fists and spoke out the spell she had shouted for so many times. To fight against youmas and to defeat them. Now she was fighting, again, against the worst youma she could imagine. Now she was fighting against fate, not caring that she could only lose.

"Blue submerge!"

The door flew open and she stepped over its splinters. Haruka raised her head and looked over to her. Still she was rocking her daughter in her arms. A little, a lovely girl. A dying girl. Tears sparkled in dark green eyes and Michiru felt how her cheeks became wet, as well.

"Ruka," she whispered and stretched her arms towards Hime-chan, but the tall girl backed away, almost stumbled over some drips lying in a red lake. It looked is if they were bleeding. "Please, Ruka. Give her to me. I am sure there's another way."

"No," managed the blonde to whisper and her voice was incredibly hoarse. "She's experienced already too much pain." Haruka shook her head and held her daughter a little bit tighter. "Sometimes we have to let go."

"But I don't want to let go!" screamed Michiru and was the next moment by Haruka's side. Wildly, she grabbed Haruka's right shoulder and turned her towards herself. "I don't want to let go! I love her too much!"

Haruka's eyes looked suddenly very tired down to her, then she smiled again that sad smile.

"That's why I save her all this pain, Michi."

"NO!"

Michiru seized the tall girl harder, not caring if she would bruise the blonde. Her forehead felt as if was inflamed. It burned like hell and suddenly she knew that her senshi sign glowed brightly on it.

_Nani?_

_Why is it reacting right now? There's no youma around. No real youma, anyway._

Another light evolved in the room and as Michiru turned her head she saw the other sign. A small sign on a tiny forehead.

Hime-chan?

At that moment the little girl opened her sea green eyes and the world sank into darkness.

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Elza yawned deeply as she opened her eyes.

"Sissy?" she muttered and slowly left the empty bed. Not that she would have expected the young woman to be next to her and to hold her tightly in her tender arms... but nevertheless it would have been fantastic to wake up this way. Maybe even with a good-morning kiss.

_Good morning?_

_Good afternoon!_

Elza looked at the clock and stumbled through Setsuna's rooms towards the kitchen, yet even there was no one. No coffee drinking Setsuna who tried to wake up a little bit more. No Michiru even eating her breakfast egg with mustard. No silent Haruka feeding her little daughter.

_Oh yes... the operation._

_But everything went well._

Elza grinned in satisfaction and went over to the fridge to get something to eat. She hadn't been able to eat anything the last night, she had been too frightened of the operation. Still her eyes burned a little bit and still she felt exhausted from all the crying.

_Hope Sissy doesn't think that I am a crybaby._

Well... otherwise... what does she really think about me?

Elza's thoughts were interrupted as she slipped and almost crashed against the fridge. Angrily she turned around and looked for some seconds at the mess before her. She hadn't see the knocked over chair for the first moment nor had she noticed the broken glass of tea. The fluid was covering the entire floor and no one seemed to have cared about cleaning it.

Nani?

Elza frowned and stroked some wild strands of her red hair behind her ears. Tiredly, she stumbled back to the front door and opened it. Chilly wind welcomed her and she winced because of the cold. The cars were gone. Both cars. Michiru's and Setsuna's.

Nani? They are gone? Why didn't they tell me where they went to?

Elza scratched her right cheek and went to the telephone to ring Setsuna's cell phone and to ask her what the hell was going on. At that moment she saw the light blinking on the answering machine.

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The hospital room disappeared and as Michiru turned around she saw that she was floating in the air. In total darkness. There were some planets around her far, far away. She could recognize the earth far below and next to her was a planet with a lot of rings.

_Uranus?_

_Saturn?_

She frowned but didn't waste another thought about her missing astronomical knowledge as she saw the shadow running towards her.

Nani?

Michiru's eyes grew wide as she saw a small girl running towards her. She was ten, maybe eleven years old, and she was definitively a senshi. Her clothes were similar to those of Michiru, or better Sailor Neptune. The fuku consisted of a dark purple and a bright white.

_The fourth outer senshi?_

_The senshi of destruction?_

_The senshi of rebirth?_

_Sailor Saturn?_

Michiru blinked and knew that she was right when she saw the huge scythe the girl was holding tightly in her gentle hands. Although it seemed to be double as tall as the girl, she could handle it very well.

"Mommy?" asked the fourth senshi with a nice, tender voice and laughed happily. The next moment Michiru's arms were full with that girl who hugged her lovingly. "Don't worry, mommy, I won't leave you alone, because I love you." The little senshi raised her head and Michiru looked into a smiling face surrounded by shoulder long, dark hair. Dark green eyes, Michiru knew too well, sparkled as the fourth outer senshi looked up to her. Trustfully. "You love me, too, don't you, mommy?"

Michiru nodded and hugged the girl in return.

"Of course I do, Hime-chan. Of course I do."

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The hospital room disappeared and as Haruka turned around she saw that she was floating in the air. In total darkness. There were some planets around her far, far away. She could recognize the earth far below and next to her was a planet with a lot of rings, but she couldn't name it. However, that didn't matter to her. Nothing else mattered to her than her daughter.

Where am I?

Haruka backed away, holding her daughter protectively against her chest, shielding her with her arms. Slightly, she did remember that place. Yet, it couldn't be true, could it? It had been only a dream she had had when she had taken too many drugs and wanted to die, hadn't it?

Nani?

A shadow came out of the darkness and she saw a small girl coming over to her. She wore strange clothes similar to the ones Michiru and Setsuna wore when they fought against a youma. Those were the clothes of a senshi. Clothes Haruka had never been able to wear.

"Hello, daddy," smiled the girl and her dark green eyes sparkled as she stepped closer. Instinctively, Haruka tried to escape, but the girl only shock her head.

"It's okay," she whispered and stood on her tiptoes to take a long look at the tiny baby lying lifelessly in Haruka's strong, protecting arms. "I am sorry for all the pain I've put you through." The small girl raised her hands and stroked lovingly over fluffy, dark hair, over a sweaty forehead. Suddenly, a sign was glowing there. It was the same sign that seemed to shine on the small girl's forehead, as well.

"A lot went wrong in the past, daddy. So I had to play with the future and the fate a little bit. Hope Sailor Pluto will never find out about it, otherwise I'll get house arrest." The fourth outer senshi snickered and Haruka frowned even more. She didn't understand anything, but her daughter had started to breathe again. Her pale cheeks became redder and her tiny fists grabbed for Haruka's shirt. That was everything that counted for the blonde. Maybe this was a dream, maybe this place was reality, as long as it gave her daughter another chance, Haruka would have accepted every crazy hallucination.

"Today's my day of birth, daddy. My real day of birth, originally from other parents. But now they have another fate, so I hope they won't be sad that they never got a baby." Sailor Saturn stroked tenderly over little Hotaru's cheeks and laughed as the girl opened her eyes and smiled curiously at her.

"I couldn't let you die on that street that night, daddy. Your decision wasn't planned, your death wasn't supposed to happen. So I came back to earth earlier than I was allowed. But I guess you can't change the fate of two persons at once." Sailor Saturn gently took Haruka's right shoulder and forced her to bow a little bit. Haruka was too stunned to resist.

"Today I'll be reborn again. Just as it was planned by the universe. Take care of me." The fourth senshi kissed Haruka on her cheeks and smiled lovingly. "And don't be too hard when I'll be afraid of the dark at the age of four."

The blonde blinked confused, still not able to understand.

"Love this baby, Sailor Uranus."

Now that was something Haruka did understand. At least the first part of the sentence. She held her giggling daughter tighter and nodded, tears sparkling in her eyes.

"As I will love you, too, daddy."

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The universe disappeared and the hospital came back into focus. The room was filled with doctors who grabbed for Hotaru to put her back to the machines. Haruka tried to hold her daughter back, but the doctors and nurses were too determined. Someone yelled at her, then she was pushed away. Violently.

Nani?

Michiru blinked and saw how they all froze as Hotaru stared to scream. Her little fists were clenched and tears streamed over her reddened cheeks. It was obvious that she wanted to be again in her mother's embrace and that she didn't like the needles the doctors were holding in their hands. No, not at all! Her screams were protesting, angry and loud. As loud as neither Haruka nor Michiru nor Setsuna had ever heard them before. They were the screams of a very angry, but also very healthy baby.

_Hime-chan's Sailor Saturn._

_Our little girl is the fourth outer senshi._

Michiru suddenly started to laugh as Hotaru grabbed for a tube of a drip and tried to beat a doctor with it. She simply couldn't stop. Even after Dr. Sugara-san took Hotaru in his arms and looked completely confused at her.

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"Do you believe in miracles?"

Dr. Sugara-san looked at the Meioh-family and Haruka. They were all standing around a normal child's bed at the child's unit of the hospital. They weren't any longer at the ICU. There was no reason any longer for Hotaru to be observed there.

_I believe in flying pigs and the world to be a disc if that helps Hime-chan to be healthy again._

Haruka leaned forward and stroked over her daughter's soft cheeks. The doctors did a lot of tests with her and after a lot of screaming and protesting little Hotaru got tired and finally fell asleep, knowing that her mother and all the other so important persons in her tiny life were there. Right next to her.

"If it helps Hime-chan, I'll believe in miracles or whatever you want me to believe in," explained Michiru and sighed relieved as she saw the smile on Dr. Sugara-san's face. It was a confused smile, but it was a happy smile. Only a doctor who had good news would smile this way.

"So, how is she feeling, doctor?" asked Setsuna, pleadingly.

"What has happened?" wanted the Meioh parents to know.

"I really have no idea what's happened." gave Dr. Sugara-san in, shrugging his shoulders in a helpless gesture, but his smile deepened as little Hotaru grabbed in her dreams for her mother's thumb. There was a small smile on Haruka's pale face, as well. A young woman who had certainly seen a lot of pain in her young life. Dr. Sugara-san glanced over to the attentive faces of the Meioh family and knew that Haruka was safe with them. Whatever would happen, she would always have someone who liked her. The same way little Hotaru would have great grandparents.

"But whatever it was, our Hotaru is healthy. They were some strange changes: I couldn't, for example, find any wounds or any other traces of yesterday's operation, but her heart is fine, her entire body is strong and I am sure that she'll make your nights to days with her loud voice."

For a moment silence ruled. Disbelieving silence.

"Her body finally accepted the new heart?" asked Aiko and blinked as tears burned in her eyes. Tears of relief.

"Not a new heart. It looks as if she has her own heart and it is okay..." the doctor quietened, because his words didn't make any sense at all. He had the feeling that this girl lying over there and sleeping was a complete other baby, but on the other hand she was still the same. Only stronger. Healthier. Newer. Somehow...

"So whatever has happened, it means that Hime-chan is a normal child and will grow up." tried Setsuna to sum up, playing with her long, green hair. As she always did whenever she felt nervous.

"She won't have to die?" now Michiru couldn't hold back the most important question piercing her soul.

"No. Congratulations, but you have a normal, healthy girl who hates injections," smiled Dr. Sugara-san and was happy as he saw the relieved expressions on their faces.

_You don't have to die._

Haruka hadn't been able to understand the doctor's words nor could she understand what had happened during the last hours. However, she did understand what those words meant.

_You'll grow up, Hime-chan. You'll be a cheeky, little girl. You'll wake me up in the night and in one year I'll chase you through the entire house, because then you'll have discovered that running is much funnier than lying there and looking curiously around._

Haruka gulped and felt suddenly very dizzy.

_You'll live, my little princess._

_I won't lose you._

_I will see you becoming a beautiful girl, going to school, having a partner one day. I'll see you happy._

_I will be able to be there for you all of your life. Of a long, long life._

_I will be able to love you._

Haruka sighed happily and tried to seize on the bed's frame. Suddenly, the world was spinning around her, but she didn't notice her weak body's reaction. She only stared at her daughter. Her healthy daughter, sleeping deep and tight in her bed. Holding her dolphin tightly in her small arms.

_Whoever made this gift, thank you._

_Arigato._

Setsuna's father was there to catch her as Haruka fainted with a silent sob.

_Arigato._

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**Author's corner:**

I've decided to split up the last 25 pages of the chapter in two different parts, because I figured that this part was a little bit harder than what I normally write. I wanted to give you some time to "digest" it before I'll confront you with the next part of the story. It is not over yet and there's still one chapter (subdivided, as always) and the epilogue to go.

Thank you all for your lovely comments and I feel much better now, although we had about 5 inches of fresh snow during Easter (but hardly any last Christmas – how sad is that?).

Next update:

Little Hotaru is Sailor Saturn – that's something Michiru and Setsuna have to think about. As they have to think about the future now that the little girl will be fine and it seems to be obvious that Haruka isn't Sailor Uranus.


	14. Chapter 5: Tiny heart 3

_It has been a long day._

Setsuna sat on the corridor's floor, staring at her cell phone in her hands. Michiru was in Haruka's room, watching over the still unconscious girl, although the doctor had managed to calm them down. He had said that Haruka simply hadn't gotten enough sleep during the past days, that she probably hadn't eaten well and that it had simply been too much stress for her. Dr. Sugara-san said that it was the shock and that she needed just a little bit to lay down and to relax, then a big meal and soon she would be fine again.

_As we'll hopefully will be fine again, too._

The Meioh parents were still with little Hotaru and talked to their doctor. Setsuna let them. They had already accepted Hotaru as their granddaughter, why shouldn't they react like concerned grandparents, then?

_Hime-chan's the fourth outer senshi._

_Our Hime-chan's Sailor Saturn!_

Setsuna shook her head, still remembering Michiru's excited words right after the miracle happened, as they all called it. Of course they would everyone let believe in their miracle, although they knew it better: it hadn't been a miracle; it had been a Sailor senshi business. Still Setsuna didn't understand the entire situation, but she did understand a lot more after she knew about the fact that Hotaru was Sailor Saturn. Obviously, Haruka wasn't a senshi, but she had been pregnant with Hotaru when Michiru met her, right? Certainly, Michiru had seen the sign of the unborn senshi in Haruka and had searched for her because of it.

_So Haruka's not the third outer senshi. Well, but does it matter? No. She's the mother of the fourth outer senshi and she is our friend. Right? Right._

Setsuna leaned her head against the wall behind her and closed her burning eyes. She needed to talk to Michiru. Urgently. About this senshi stuff and about their future. She needed to know Michiru's honest opinions. She needed to know about her feelings and about her plans. Then they could plan ahead, although Setsuna was pretty sure that their future had a little girl in it. A little daredevil who would soon be driving them all crazy and wanting to ride on Orpheus. A little girl who ran through the entire house, playing with her spoon and her food and trying to creep into their beds in the middle of the night, because she was afraid of the dark.

Setsuna smiled happily at that thought. She couldn't await those times.

"Sissy?!"

The young woman opened her eyes and they grew wide as she saw the person standing in front of her. It was Elza. Her fire red hair was messed, her face place. There were traces of tears on her cheeks. However, right now her eyes were sparkling with anger.

"Why. Didn't. You. Call. Me. Up?!"

Every word seemed to be like a whip on Setsuna's soul. Of course she had tried to call Elza up, but that had been a long time after the doctor had told them that their Hime-chan would live. Somehow Setsuna had thought of Elza only for a quick moment and then decided against making her life into a living hell, as well. There had been so much hectic around, so many strange things did happened; the entire situation had let Setsuna to the conclusion that Elza was safer at home in her bed, sleeping. She wouldn't have been any help for them, and after Hotaru had screamed for the first time at the doctors really loudly, Setsuna had simply forgot Elza. Now she felt sorry, truly sorry. However, Elza didn't look as if she would accept her apology any time soon. Maybe she would never accept it.

"You've left the house and simply left me behind! While Hime-chan almost died!" now Elza was screaming. Tears filled her eyes again and run freely over her cheeks. Elza raised her hands to wipe them away, but she only struggled with the coat that was too tall for her. Setsuna needed some moments to recognize it as her coat. When she looked closer, she saw that the girl was still wearing her pyjamas beneath it. Her pyjamas and slippers.

"Elza-chan..."

"No, I don't want to hear your silly excuses! You simply forgot me! You simply left me behind in that house. I didn't know what was going on until I heard it on the answering machine. Hell, Sissy! Hime-chan could have died and I wouldn't have been there to say goodbye!"

Setsuna gulped and felt even worse.

"Elza-chan..." she stood up and went over to the trembling girl. "Elza-chan, please, let me explain." She wanted to tell her everything: about their mission, about her being the senshi of time, about Hotaru being Sailor Saturn. Elza had the right to know the truth. To understand why she had to react this way... and then maybe to forgive her that she really forgot her afterwards.

"No! I don't need any explanations. Haruka's here, of course, Michi's here just like your parents. They all belong to your family. So it's pretty normal that you brought them here. Them, but not me. I am not part of your family. You showed that quite often to me. Thanks, I won't forget it again."

Setsuna looked deeply into tear filled, desperate sparkling eyes and before she knew what she was doing, she had embraced the smaller girl and stopped her so wrong words with a determined kiss. Elza was too shocked to reply. She was even too stunned to say anything more when Setsuna stopped the kiss, with no intention of ever letting her go. Still strong arms were rapped around Elza's body, and again the red haired girl had to realize that she didn't want them to disappear. Damn, whatever happened, she still loved this woman in front of her.

Some more tears ran over Elza's cheeks, but she couldn't say anything. It was the first time that Setsuna had showed her love so openly, not caring whether other people were able to see them like this. For the first time Setsuna had kissed Elza. Finally...

"You belong to my family, Elza-chan. Don't tell me that you never noticed! You belong to my family..." Setsuna took a shaking breath and held her Elza a little bit tighter. Suddenly, all the doubts she had felt only some hours ago were gone. Suddenly, all the questions didn't seem to be important any longer. Certainly, she still wasn't sure about her future, but she was damn sure that whatever it would hold, Elza would be a part of it, as well. "... as you belong to me, Elza-chan. I love you."

Now it was out. For the first time out loud. Finally, Setsuna had been able to say those words she had wanted so badly to tell her Elza for so many years, to articulate those feelings Elza had seen in the black and white world after she had touched Setsuna's strange staff. Finally, after so agonizingly long five years.

More tears run over Elza's cheeks, yet she still couldn't reply. Setsuna watched her for some moments in silence, then she giggled silently.

"That's the first time that I see you so silent, little one."

Elza managed a shaky smile, then she pulled her arms around Setsuna's shoulders and returned the kiss with all her feelings.

It was the sweetest reply Setsuna had ever gotten.

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"Sleep tight, my little princess."

Haruka bowed over her daughter and kissed her gently good night. It was now a week that the miracle, as Dr. Sugara-san called it, had happened. He had kept Hotaru for some more days to examine her and to see that everything was really fine with her. During those days, Haruka had stayed at the hospital, as well. She had felt incredibly exhausted and had managed to sleep most of the time. However, whenever she had woken up, Michiru had been by her side. They had talked about Hotaru, about Michiru's parents and about the good results of the tests Dr. Sugara-san did with the little girl. However, they hadn't talked about the future. Michiru had fulfilled her part of the contract: Hotaru was healthy again.

Haruka bit on her lower lip as she closed the door carefully behind her and went silently downstairs. It was quite late in the evening; she didn't want her daughter to wake up again.

Yes, Michiru had fulfilled her contract, but Haruka wasn't sure if she could fulfil her part, as well. Over the past months she hadn't been able to transform, not even once. She hadn't been able to become that Sailor Uranus nor had she really fought against those youmas. To be honest, she still didn't understand the meaning of all this senshi stuff.

_I need to talk to Michi._

Of course she would do whatever Michiru wanted her to do. If she wanted her to try to transform, she would try it as hard a possible. If she wanted her to keep fighting against youmas, then she would fight. If she wanted her to go, however,... Haruka was incredibly thankful that Hotaru was a little, healthy girl, but she didn't know what the future might hold for them. Michiru hadn't talked about her plans while Haruka had stayed at the hospital. She hadn't talked about what had happened the morning after Hotaru's operation, in Haruka's room, in her Michi's arms... None of them had talked about their feelings, but Haruka didn't dare to make a start. She wasn't in the position to confess to the beautiful sea goddess that she had fallen in love with her, madly. Somehow she had the feeling that she didn't even have the right to feel this way.

"Okay, Michi, but before we'll discuss this, I want you to answer me some questions!"

Haruka stopped by the door to the living room as she heard Setsuna's voice. It sounded harder than normal and more determined. The blonde wanted to enter the room and to take part at that discussion, but at the same time she didn't want to interrupt them. Her legs seemed to agree with her doubts, because they didn't obey her any longer and stayed where they were.

"This girl up there is, just let me say it directly, a total stranger you met on the street, isn't she?"

Setsuna's sentence sounded more like a statement than a question.

"Sissy..."

Michiru's voice sounded tortured.

"Just answer my question!"

"Hai."

"And the only reason why you've searched for her and finally brought her home is that you believed to see the sign of Uranus on her forehead."

"Sissy..."

"In the beginning I think those were your reasons, weren't they? You didn't know her."

"If you say it this way... hai..."

"And because of sympathy."

"Sissy!"

"Hey, she is eighteen, she has a small, ill child, she has no real education, didn't finish school, just lost her job and only god knows how she managed to get in this troublesome situation."

"..."

There was no reply from Michiru, yet Haruka didn't need any. Suddenly, she felt very sick, but still she couldn't enter the room and see what this conversation was about nor could she turn around and run back to her daughter, to hug her sleeping Hime-chan and to behave as if she never heard those humiliating questions, had never heard Michiru's hurting answers.

"You didn't see that she was a girl with a lot of problems. You only thought that she's Sailor Uranus and that she could help us with that doomed mission!"

"I..."

"Did she transform? Only once? During the past months?!"

Setsuna's voice was as sharp as a knife. Haruka could feel it piercing her soul, dragging right through her already hurting heart.

"No..."

"Right, she didn't. Not even during the past fights when you both had been in real danger. I think if she was a senshi she would have transformed in life danger, but she didn't. Not even once! Hotaru's the fourth outer senshi. I guess what you had seen in Haruka had been the signs of Sailor Saturn, not of Sailor Uranus. It wasn't Haruka you had been looking for in that night on that street; it was Hotaru."

There was an audible gulp from the young violinist.

"Hm... and why did you help Hotaru so quickly and without hesitation, by the way? Just because of sympathy? Or because you thought that she's Sailor Uranus' daughter? Or was it because you know that you would never be able to have a baby on your own? Then why not take this child and make her your goddaughter?"

"Sissy..."

_Michi isn't able to have a baby? _

Suddenly all the moments came back to Haruka when she had asked Michiru for some sanitary towels and the young violinist had reacted so strangely. Now Haruka understood why Michiru had been so curious about the birth and had wanted to know so much about it. Certainly, that was the reason - the only reason - why Michiru had been so friendly and so crazy about Hotaru from the first moment she had seen her.

_Really?_

_Do you really think so?_

Haruka gulped, but before she could respond to her inner voice, Setsuna's hard questions continued.

"So, let's sum up this crazy situation as it is: upstairs, there's a girl you hardly know where she comes from. She is uneducated, she has no family, she has no friends, no home and no money. She is completely depended on you and your decisions. She isn't Sailor Uranus and you don't know if ever understood our mission or if she only pretended to grasp idea of us being senshi, because she needed your sympathy and your money."

Haruka shook her head. She wanted so badly to go into the room and to tell Setsuna that all her statements were completely nuts; that it was all wrong she was saying about her. Haruka hadn't gone with Michiru that afternoon because of the money. Of course she went with her because of her daughter - which mother wouldn't have done the same for her ill child? However, whatever would have happened, she would have stayed with her Michi. She would have tried to transform into that Sailor Uranus – and even if she wasn't this senshi of the wind, she would have wanted to protect Michiru, even with her bare hands if necessary. No, she didn't want to stay with Setsuna, Elza and her Michi because of money, not because of sympathy or because of their rich parents. No, she wanted to stay with her Michi because she loved her...

"And there's a little girl upstairs who's your goddaughter now. She is Sailor Saturn and she belongs to us. Just like she belongs to her mother. So, how will you decide? Do you want to throw Haruka out and to care for Hotaru all on your own? Or do you want to take care of Hotaru and keep Haruka, because she simply belongs to her daughter? Or what are you planning to do? Upstairs there's the fourth senshi, but the third one is still missing. Haruka's not Sailor Uranus, that's obvious. And to be honest, she's a no one. A nothing. Someone of whom you can never be sure of if she's not only taking your money and laughing silently behind your back about your stupidity!"

Setsuna's voice was merciless. Haruka bit on her lower lip and clenched her fists, but still she wasn't able to go into the room and to ask her sharply how she came to such a strange conclusion. She wanted so badly to go to Michiru and tell her that she didn't want her money. That she would never laugh about her. That the sea beauty wasn't stupid, but beautiful. That Haruka would try to find work after school to get some money or to do other thingsto earn her right to be here. Maybe she could clean the house or take care of the surrounding area? As long as she didn't have to cook a warm meal, she could be really useful! She wasn't a parasite! She could work really hard!

_I love you, Michi._

_Don't you see?_

"You are right, Sissy. Haruka did a lot of mistakes. She got pregnant at a very young age. She couldn't take care of Hotaru the way she should have. The way she finally could do here. It is right, she has no money and needs it from me to go to school again and to pay Hotaru's hospital bills. And it is right that she's never transformed to Sailor Uranus. I am pretty sure that she is not the third senshi we are looking for, but Hotaru is the fourth outer senshi and we need that little girl for our mission..."

Haruka's eyes grew wide as she heard the icy tone in Michiru voice; a cold she had never heard before. It hurt the blonde beyond comprehension when she realized that Michiru seemingly agreed with Setsuna that she, Haruka, was a parasite. A nothing. Someone she only accepted in her presence because of little Hotaru...

_Why didn't she tell me earlier?_

_Why didn't she tell me directly?_

_Why did she smile at me and think so badly in her mind instead?_

Haruka gulped and turned around. She didn't want to hear anything more of that conversation. It had already hurt too much. She didn't need their sympathy nor their false friendship. No, she had hoped to find a real family here, real friends, and maybe even real love. Now after all those words she had to see that it all had been only one of her terrible dreams. She should have known better from the start; her dreams never came true. Michiru and her family had only been so friendly to her, because they thought that she was Sailor Uranus. Now that they saw that she wasn't this senshi of the wind, they decided to only keep her, because Hotaru was Sailor Saturn.

_Michiru doesn't love me!_

_Of course she doesn't! No one loves someone like you!_

_But I really thought..._

_What did you think? That she loves you just because of that hour you shared with her in your bed?_

_But..._

_Hey, that's what girls like you are made for, right? To get fucked._

_But..._

_She paid one million yen for you. That's a lot more than you are worth!_

_But..._

_You made a contract with her. You couldn't fulfil your part, so maybe she thought that she could have at least a little bit fun with you for so much money!_

_No! Michi's not like those guys! She's..._

_Oh, she's someone special? Of course she is! Did you hear her words right now? Did you hear HOW special she is??_

_..._

Haruka walked slowly upstairs and sat down in front of her daughter's bed, suddenly feeling extremely exhausted and tired, although she had spent most of the past week in bed, sleeping deep and tight, dreaming of a future that would never happen. At least not to her.

_Maybe I am worth to be part of their family when I have a little bit money myself. When I am educated enough to get a better job. When I showed them that I don't want their money, but simply their friendship and love?_

_Do you really think so?_

Haruka gulped and stroked with shaking fingers over her daughter's face.

_I'll never find out if I never try, right?_

_And your daughter? You can't take her with you on such a dangerous adventure!_

Haruka forced away her tears as she bowed over the cradle and took her sleeping daughter into her arms. Carefully, she rocked her. Hotaru only made a disturbed face, but she didn't awake.

_Michi loves her. Everyone loves such a sweet child like her. Hotaru will be safe with her._

Haruka took a deep breath. Too well she remembered what she had promised her daughter only one week ago. In hospital. When she had thought that little Hotaru would die. When she realized that her Hime-chan was healthy, saved by a miracle. When she saw that her little daughter would live and grow up. However, Haruka also heard Michiru's voice in her mind, over and over again, agreeing with Setsuna that she was a parasite.

_You don't want such a mother, Hime-chan. Do you?_

_As I want to have a real life. I can't live with such a big lie any longer, Hime-chan. Not again._

Haruka held her daughter tighter and it looked as if she never wanted to let go again.

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"You are right, Sissy. Haruka did a lot of mistakes. She got pregnant at a very young age. She couldn't take care of Hotaru the way she should have. The way she finally could do here. It is right; she has no money and needs it from me to go to school again and to pay Hotaru's hospital bills. And it is right that she's never transformed to Sailor Uranus. I am pretty sure that she is not the third senshi we are looking for, but Hotaru is the fourth outer senshi and we need that little girl for our mission..."

Michiru took a deep breath and looked directly into her sister's serious face.

"But in some other parts you are wrong, Sissy. Completely wrong. Ruka has a family. She has her little daughter – and she has us. Did you see the expression on mommy's face? Finally she has her so long awaited granddaughter. And why shouldn't they accept Haruka the way they accepted me eight years ago? Why shouldn't she get the second chance I got, too? I had no money then, I spent some weeks on the street, too. I broke up with school and it was not a nice living out there, believe me. But I met you, Sissy. You and mommy and daddy. They gave me hold and a family. It is right, Haruka became a mother at a very young age, but she cares for her child. She wasn't as lucky as I to meet someone like your parents who could save her. I don't want to know what would have happened to me if I wouldn't have met you, Sissy. Haruka survived that hell out there. I guess I would have died!" Michiru took a deep breath and tried to calm down her nerves.

"Maybe she's Sailor Uranus, maybe she's not. It is right, it used to be important to me, but then she was a stranger. You are right about that, but during the past months she's become a friend of mine. A real good friend. I care for her, Sissy. No matter who she was and no matter who she is not. I like her for the person she is now! Just like I love Hime-chan. Hey, you know that little daredevil, who wouldn't love that little girl. It's not because I am infertile, it's simply..." Michiru shook her head. "Guess I brought them both home, because I had seen so much of myself in them, but during the last weeks I realized that they belong to me. To us, Sissy." Michiru straightened and raised her hands defensively.

"I always respect what you think, Sissy, but I won't let them go again. No matter if Haruka's Sailor Uranus or not. Then we have to search for the third senshi again... or try to find the talismans without her. And you know what? Haruka has no money? No problem. She can have as much of mine as she wants to have, because just eight years ago I was as poor as she's now. Without your family's love and the second chance you gave me I would have never become the person I am now. Why not wait and see what Haruka becomes once she gets our love and a second chance! Eh?"

Michiru was prepared to fight for her Ruka. It was true what Setsuna had said, of course. It HAD been true. Now, however,... everything had changed, and she wasn't willing to lose her Ruka and little Hotaru only because of some silly thoughts she had had ten weeks ago.

"Calm down, Michi," laughed Setsuna with a sudden and before Michiru could react, she felt Setsuna embracing her and hugging her lovingly. "I know all this. I just wanted to hear it from you. I wanted to see your reaction when I confront you with all this ugly stuff before I plan our future with Haruka in it and a lovely little child screaming all night, keeping us awake."

Michiru blinked. And blinked again. Then she gulped.

"You can be very cruel, Sissy."

"No, not cruel, but honest."

Setsuna stroked through sea green hair and smiled comfortingly, relieved that Michiru reacted the way she had hoped for. She didn't know what she would have done if Michiru would have told her that she really wanted to throw Haruka out.

"You like her a lot, don't you?"

Michiru's blush was answer enough and Setsuna had to giggle. It was seldom that her little sister felt embarrassed about anything.

"Then go to her and tell her that you, no, that we want her to stay, okay?"

Michiru nodded and smiled up to her bigger sister.

"Sissy-chan?"

"Hai?"

"Thanks for everything you've done in the past years for me."

"Go before I need a handkerchief."

Michiru grinned and showed her her tongue in sisterly love. Then she hurried up the stairs. Setsuna watched the empty door for a moment before she decided to have a little romance herself, as well

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Elza stood in her shower and washed her hair. It had been a long, exhausting day and she only wanted to clean herself and go to bed. Tomorrow, the world would surly look a little bit more friendly - and a little bit clearer again; she was sure of it. To be completely honest, Elza was a little bit disappointed. All of last week, Setsuna had been by her side. She had kissed her and held her so tightly. They had both spent a lot of time at Hotaru's bedside and had talked to the doctor. However, in the evening, especially the evening when Hotaru had been allowed to finally return home, Setsuna had brought her home and left again. Well... it was the normal procedure, that was true. Yet, their life wasn't the way it used to be, was it? Setsuna had kissed her. She had even told her that she loved her. Elza had really thought that she finally became Setsuna's girlfriend, but why did she leave her all alone again?

_Hm... Sissy said something about Michi..._

Indeed Setsuna had told her that she needed to talk to her little sister face to face, but nevertheless Elza felt like an outcast again. Maybe it was wrong, maybe she was spoiled, maybe she didn't have any reason to feel alone, but that was the way she felt right now.

_It's a stupid excuse that I have school tomorrow. As long as Michiru and Haruka aren't at school I don't want to go to school, either. And as long as Hime-chan had been at the hospital, I hadn't been able to concentrate at all!_

Elza had felt insulted - at least a little bit - when Setsuna had ordered her to go to school again while Hotaru and Haruka were still at hospital and Michiru practically, as well. Oh, it was nice that Setsuna had driven her to school and had picked her up her in the afternoon, but the hours in between were simply boring, especially with Tamara being the bitch she was and driving her crazy.

_It is a weekday, I have school tomorrow and she wants to talk to Michiru, that is clear, but why the bloody hell can't she sleep here?_

Elza sighed deeply. Her bed was surely big enough and she didn't expect anything special to happen. She simply wanted to hold her Sissy-chan, to kiss her, to have her near her. That was not too much of what she demanded as a loving girlfriend, was it?

_Sure, a lot has happened, but we have to get back to normality again._

_Whatever this normality means..._

Elza closed her eyes and let the warm water pour down her slim body. She had a maths test tomorrow and she truly wasn't looking forward to it, but well, she would survive it somehow. Afterwards, she had training with her sport team, and for the first time for years Elza wasn't very keen on it. She would rather go to cinema with Setsuna or stay at the Meioh-house and baby sit little Hotaru. Since she had seen the pictures of that strange black and white world, she had the feeling that she had missed a lot during the past years. That there were so many wasted chances she simply wanted to have again. All at once.

_Maybe it is my enthusiasm that scares Sissy-chan away?_

_She's not as wild as me, she's more the quiet, the reasonable type._

Elza stretched her arms and let the water be a little bit warmer. She loved hot showers, as hot as possible until her skin would get all red, but felt nicely clean. There used to be times when Setsuna showered with her, before they grew up when they both had been children. Then, Elza had always teased her Sissy-chan around that she was like a polar bear, because she preferred cold water. Setsuna had called her a boiled egg instead.

_They have been funny times. Will the following times be funny, too?_

The water was so loud that Elza didn't hear the bell ring. Nor did she hear the door to her bathroom opening shortly afterwards. There was a shadow near her shower, but the girl had her eyes closed. Silently, she started to hum the melody of a pop song she liked right now. Of course Setsuna didn't like that song, just like Elza didn't like traditional Japanese music as much as her girlfriend. Yet, even though they could be so different, Elza was sure that they would make a perfect couple: if Setsuna would be more open, if Elza would be more patient.

_If we want it, we can do it._

Elza had only decided to call her girlfriend up when the door to the cabin was opened and two arms embraced her from behind. She was gently pressed against a soft body and relaxed one second later as she heard the well known, mysterious laughter behind her.

"Sissy-chan?" The girl couldn't stop her voice from sounding stunned. Surprised. It was late in the evening, she would have never expected that a reasonable woman like Setsuna would come to her home so late, especially when there was school the next day, and simply walk into her bathroom and straight into her shower.

"I hope you didn't expect anyone else," whispered Setsuna and covered Elza's neck with little butterfly kisses. The smaller girl giggled and enjoyed the tender touches.

"No, not really."

"Not really?"

"Are you jealous?"

Setsuna hesitated for some moments before she brought her closer to her body. Elza gasped silently as she felt that the young woman was naked, as well.

"Like hell," breathed Setsuna between two kisses. Then she took the shampoo and started to wash Elza's already washed hair. However, the girl would have rather eaten her tongue than telling Setsuna that she was already clean. Those soft fingers in her wild strands… it was an incredible feeling she didn't want to miss. Never again.

"That's nice," she purred and smiled as her girlfriend put foam on her nose, as well.

"Little, cheeky kitten."

"Purr!"

Setsuna laughed silently and started to massage Elza's shoulders and her back. The girl purred even more and looked as relaxed as Setsuna hadn't seen her since their big argument. An argument they had because of a big misunderstanding which had almost destroyed their long friendship and their young love.

_It was a good idea to come here._

At first, Setsuna had hesitated. It was already late in the evening, she didn't want to wake Elza up. Tomorrow was school and there had been exciting days during the past weeks. Elza needed her rest, but at the same time Setsuna needed her Elza. Therefore, she decided on a whim to drive to Elza's house and to ask Mary if the red haired girl was still awake. The nursemaid had only laughed and declared that Elza never went to bed before midnight, even when Setsuna brought her home earlier. Consequently, the young woman had crept into Elza's room and heard the shower working. Silently, she had walked into the bathroom and had watched Elza for some moments behind the glass, being surrounded by crystal clear water. Her eyes were closed and she was humming a sweet melody. Actually, Setsuna had wanted to wait for her to finish and then to help her with the towel, but as she saw her girlfriend under the shower she simply couldn't resist. Without thinking much longer she had stripped her clothes, as well, and had stepped under the hot water, just the way she remembered Elza always loving it. Now Setsuna was feeling like a boiled egg, but she felt incredibly happy to be with her Elza-chan. She didn't feel ashamed of her nakedness as she had expected. She didn't feel unsure what to do or how to react best. She simply felt great. This was the place where she belonged: right next to her Elza-chan.

Setsuna couldn't resist the desire and brought Elza again in her arms.

"I love you," she whispered those words that had been so hard for her to tell her love for so many years. Now that they were finally out she wanted to shout them all the time. Whenever she saw the red haired girl, she wanted to take her in her arms, kiss her and tell her those sweet words.

Elza giggled, then she smiled tenderly.

"Luv ya, too," she whispered and turned around to kiss her girlfriend. Setsuna closed her eyes and returned the kiss with all her deep feelings. She felt Elza starting to caress her back and her arms and shivered. Somewhere the hot, almost boiling waterfall stopped and a nice silence evolved. A silence that was only interrupted by their soft giggles.

"Elza-chan..." Setsuna whispered between two kisses and tried to get her feelings under her control again. She did not only came to see and kiss her girlfriend, but also to talk to her, and she sensed that once they would fall on the bed and kiss, she wouldn't think of anything else than her girlfriend's soft lips any longer.

"Wazup?"

"I..." Setsuna took a deep breath and freed herself out of Elza's demanding embrace. "I talked to Michi this evening. About Haruka." The young woman stepped out of the shower and handled each of them a towel. Elza instantly tried to dry her hair, but after her always so hectic movements she looked like a little, wild, red tornado.

_She's so kawaii._

Setsuna smiled and couldn't resist but to stroke through those red strands.

_My little one._

"Why? Did anything happen to Hime-chan?" asked Elza alarmed and raised quickly her head. Since the day of the operation she was very concerned about the little girl. Still she couldn't believe in the doctor's words and watched carefully over Hotaru when it was her task to baby sit her. One wrong sound near the baby and Elza could behave like a crazy whirlwind. Then it was hard to calm her down and to show her that little Hotaru was okay and only screaming because she ran so confused through the entire house, terrifying the small girl.

"No, everything is fine," answered Setsuna quickly, because she had already seen the sparkle of panic in Elza's blue eyes.

"Oh, that's okay then."

"Michiru just wants Haruka and Hotaru to stay with us. Forever. And I just wanted to ask you if that's okay with you."

Elza blinked, but she couldn't look into Setsuna's eyes because the young woman was now cleaning her feet. She did it a little bit too perfectly. And a little bit too slowly.

"Why are you asking me? It's your house and surely your rooms where you can't plant your computers."

"You can't plant..."

"Whatever. Why do you ask me?"

Now Setsuna looked up, looked directly at Elza and the tall girl gulped as she saw the intensive, the serious expression on the other one's face.

"Because it's a family decision and you are part of that family, too." For a moment there was silence between them and Elza gulped again. This time visibly. "Oh, and you'll have to baby sit little Hotaru and to learn with Haruka when she has her problems in French."

Still Elza didn't reply. She only stared at Setsuna, asking herself if she had really heard those words. Another sentence she had wanted to hear so badly during the past five years. One look into Setsuna's face told her that the young woman meant every single word she had said.

"My French is bad, but I'll do my best." Now, Elza grinned again. Diabolically. "And about the baby sitting... who had been the one who already bought the rocking chair, the tricycle and the bike Hime-chan will only be able to ride in about five years?"

"It was a very nice bike."

"I am sure."

"I simply couldn't resist."

"Just like you couldn't resist to buy her six teddy bears."

"They were so cute."

Elza blinked. It was strange to hear a word like _cute_ out of Setsuna's mouth. It was a complete new side that she had discovered of her girlfriend. Elza started to like this side more and more.

"Just like the plush pup."

"The fur was so soft."

"Oprheus wanted to adopt it. Guess he's still sad that it can't bark back at him."

Setsuna groaned, then she shrugged her shoulders, smiling sheepishly.

"I am a bad aunt, alright?"

Elza came over to her and embraced her. Quickly, she kissed her and shook her head in amusement.

"No, you only spoil Hime-chan, you do what Haruka wouldn't do because she would want to raise her daughter while you only want to spoil her rotten with your love. Guess those are qualities only a good aunt has."

"Thanks for your comfort."

"No offence, auntie."

"Auntie?"

"Auntie Sissy. Sounds great, doesn't it? Auntie Sissy. Or if she's still young, it'll be ouni Sissi. What about that?" Elza laughed and ran over to her bed closely followed by a giggling Setsuna who caught her and together they fell on the soft mattress, already kissing each other again.

"That has been all you wanted to talk to me about, right?" asked Elza between two kisses and dissolved the knot of Setsuna's long hair. Soon a dark green blanket was covering the both of them. Setsuna's cheeks were redden and she smiled tenderly.

_She's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen._

"Hai."

"Great. Do you have anything else to do this evening?"

"Actually, I wanted to tickle you for the rest of the night."

"Uhm... I have school tomorrow."

"Guess you are right. You need your sleep."

Setsuna suggested to rise and leave the bed, but of course she was hold back by a pouting Elza.

"What about kissing? That's not as exhausting as tickling."

"Hm..." Setsuna raised her left eyebrow and looked sceptically at her girlfriend. "Are there medical reports to prove your statement?"

Elza giggled and brought her back to the soft mattress again.

"Just shut up and kiss me, okay?"

And soo Setsuna did as she was told. For a long time they simply laid there. Their towels landed on the floor next to the bed and they simply enjoyed the presence of the other one. Softly, they whispered to each other during their kisses, knowing that the argument, that the misunderstanding, that the pain and the fear of the last years were gone. At last. Forever.

It was around midnight when Setsuna's cell phone started to ring. At the first notion, the young woman simply wanted to ignore it. Everything was fine with Hotaru, wasn't it? Therefore, it couldn't be Michiru. Maybe her parents wanted to call her up to discuss something with her, but, damn, it was in the middle of the night! Maybe her computer firm? Hell, couldn't they leave her in peace? Her new project wasn't finished yet, but didn't she have a right of a private life - even when she was working at home?

Setsuna groaned as the ringing died away and started the next moment anew. She tried her ignorance tactic through over seven ringing attacks. Whoever tried to reach her, they wouldn't give up so easily.

"Great timing," sighed the young woman and gave Elza another kiss before she went over to her handbag to get out her phone. The red haired girl sighed and wrapped the blanked around her shaking body, watching her girlfriend with blurred eyes.

"Hello, here's Meioh Setsuna. Whoever's calling me up in the middle of the night has to have a really good... oh... Michi?"

Elza frowned as she heard the change in Setsuna's voice. One moment she was extremely angry, the next she was only concerned.

_Please, God, don't let anything have happened to our Hime-chan!_

Elza stumbled out of the bed and went with trembling legs over to Setsuna who sat down on the corner of her armchair. It was full with books and crumbled clothes, but the young woman didn't notice the chaos around her.

"What happened, Michi? Hey, calm down..." Setsuna glanced at Elza and shook her head as she saw the unasked questions there. Therefore, everything was fine with Hime-chan, but what could have happened that forced Michiru calling them up in the middle of the night, making Setsuna looking so worried?

"What... moment, Michi. What do you mean, _gone_? Gone or really gone?"

Elza frowned as she heard the strange question. Where there two meanings of that word for Setsuna? The young woman was suddenly very pale, although she had been blushed only some moments ago.

"Gone? Just like that? Did... did she leave something behind... did she leave something that tells you that she's gone...?" Setsuna gulped and clenched her fists. "Shimatta!" she cursed loudly, making Elza wince. It was a rare occasion to see the reasonable woman curse so violently; something really bad must have happened.

"And you are sure that she won't return? She's gone? And Hime-chan? Is she with..."

There was a moment of dead silence following Michiru's answer. Setsuna's mouth dropped open and Elza could hear Michiru's sobs through the phone.

"She did WHAT? She... she LEFT her? After what's happened only last week?" Setsuna seemed to struggle with herself as if she wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. Whether to be angry or really, really sad.

"That can't be... hai, Michi. We'll be there in ten minutes, okay? Try... try to calm down... we'll..." Setsuna took a deep breath. "Surely it's just a big misunderstanding and... Michi? Hai, we'll find her. Don't worry... hai..."

There was again silence after Setsuna put down her cell phone. She stared at Elza for some moments and there was a shocked expression on her pale face. It looked as if she was searching for words to express her feelings... but failed miserably to find them. Maybe there weren't any right words and everything she could say was a big understatement of her inner situation.

"Sissy-chan?" Elza gulped as Setsuna suddenly got up and searched for her clothes, threw some clean ones out of Elza's wardrobe over to the red haired girl. "Sissy-chan! What happened?"

"I..." Setsuna stopped in mid-air and kneaded the pullover in her hands, suddenly trembling hands. "I don't understand it..."

"What don't you understand?"

"She left. She's simply gone... I really don't understand it, Elza-chan. We are her friends, aren't we? So why does she have to run away?"

"Who? Sissy-chan, put that damn pullover down and talk to me. Who's gone?"

"Haruka. Michi wanted to talk to her, but her room was empty. There's only a goodbye letter on her bed. Haruka's gone. She simply ran away now that the danger is over."

"Nani? And Hime-chan?"

There was real panic rising in Elza's heart. It didn't decrease as she saw the disbelieving, the cold expression in dark eyes.

"That's the part I don't understand. I simply don't get it." Setsuna shook her head and the pullover escaped her shaking hands. "Hotaru's still there. She left her behind."

The young woman shrugged her shoulders helplessly. She still couldn't comprehend what her sister had told her over the phone, crying bitterly.

"Haruka went away and left her daughter behind."

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**Author's corner:**

This part centred more around the Setsuna & Elza relationship, but I figured they'd need some bonding time after Hotaru's operation is over and everything seemed to lead to a happy ending.

I told you that I have something else up my sleeves, because I thought now that Hotaru is healthy and safe it's time to look closer into Haruka's problems and the contract, which everyone forgot during the past weeks, but which is still very important. Therefore, there's still another chapter (subdivided into two parts) and the epilogue to come.

Thank you all so much for all your great reviews; they always make my day. However, I'm quite busy right now, therefore expect the next update somewhen during the next week (but not on a fixed date).

Next update:

Elza and Setsuna take care of little Hotaru while Michiru desperately searches for Haruka. She finds an understanding person where she would have never expected it.


	15. Chapter 6: Come home 1

**Chapter six: Come home!**

_What do we need?_

She was standing in front of the shelf with milk bottles, staring at the white fluid for some minutes, holding a little page she had ripped this morning out of some magazine tightly in her shaking hands. There were some scribbled words on the crumbled sheet, right next to a male model in an expensive looking suit and the receipt of a tomato salad.

_We surely need something._

Michiru blinked again at the milk bottle, but the words Setsuna had told her this morning during breakfast were simply gone, vanished into nothing. Just like a lot of things had disappeared from her mind the minute she'd heard time during the past time. During the past three weeks, to be exactly. Since that evening when Haruka had left.

_Ruka..._

Michiru gulped and tried to concentrate, but suddenly she couldn't read her own words any longer. Therefore, she decided to put some bottles of milk into her trolley, just because they looked nice there and filled the empty space that should be full my now. She had been shopping in this mall before, together with her bigger sister. Today, however, Setsuna had an important meeting with her firm and Elza had to write an important test the other day at school and grumpily stayed home to study. Therefore, it was Michiru's turn to go shopping. At least for food and such important stuff. Michiru simply didn't have any nerves any longer to go shopping for anything else. Certainly, she needed a new jacket since her old one had been slightly torn during the last attack of a youma. Yet somehow it didn't seem to be right: that she went into an expensive boutique while she didn't know where Haruka was. She couldn't buy herself a warm jacket, not knowing whether Haruka was alright. Maybe she was cold, hiding in a similar dirty flat where Michiru had seen little Hotaru for the first time? Maybe she didn't even have such a small room, but stayed somewhere else? Maybe even on the streets somewhere. That thought filled Michiru with blind panic.

_She simply went away..._

Since that night three weeks ago they hadn't heard anything of her: no phone call, no letter, nothing. Michiru had stopped reading the newspapers, because she feared to see a well known picture there, besides a headline she surely didn't want to read. Setsuna instead started to read that newspaper. One had to read it, she always said.

Michiru could take this waiting for exactly two days. Two long, terribly long days and two even longer nights. Hotaru, their little miracle, was healthy again, therefore she finally did what most little babies did during their first months: she cried, almost all night long, keeping them awake. Sometimes she needed new nappies, sometimes she was hungry. Most of the time, however, Hotaru simply missed her mother and thought that she would return the sooner the louder the little girl cried. At least Michiru was convinced of her goddaughter's true intentions behind her sad tears.

After those two long days and even longer nights, Michiru cancelled her orchestra completely, only went to school only for the lessons she had to attend to without any consequences, and stopped everything else in her life that wasn't important - like swimming in her swimming pool, playing her violin and drawing her landscapes. Often she would think her sleep unnecessary and consequently kept out longer on the streets than Setsuna wanted her to be. More than once they had argued because of her stubborn behaviour during the past weeks, but Michiru didn't care. She hardly cared about anything these days, anything else than the blonde who run away, leaving them puzzled and confused behind.

_Why the hell did she run away?_

Michiru didn't only search for Haruka everywhere in Tokyo to take her home, she also did it because she wanted to get a clear answer of that question, burning hotly in her soul. Of course it was clear if you read her goodbye letter. It would have been clear to a stranger who didn't know the Meioh family Haruka had lived with during the past months. It would have been clear to a guy who had no idea about the operation, the mission and all those little adventures they went through in rainy nights. Michiru, however, knew better. She could remember every second since she had seen Haruka at the car repair shop, looking so sadly at the closed door in front of her.

_I never want to see her so sadly again._

That was one of the reasons why the sea green haired girl wanted to find her best friend back. Only one of millions of reasons.

_Is she sad now?_

Michiru didn't pay any attention as she put some more packages and bottles into the trolley. Her ice cold hands shook so much that she lost her change and some coins rolled over the floor. The cashier was busy to help her, but Michiru hardly thanked her. She was already too deep in her thoughts that she only grabbed her bags and left the supermarket. Outside chilly wind welcomed her. She closed her eyes for a moment and sighed deeply.

_Where is she now?_

Last week it had finally started to snow. Oh, how it had started to snow: the entire city seemed to be buried under a thick, white blanket. A very cold blanket. The first homeless people had already frozen to death during those days and Michiru feared that one of them could be her Haruka one day.

_I can't search longer than I do right now. I can't search longer than ten hours per day._

Michiru yawned and slipped on the icy underground. She searched desperately for hold, rowing with her arms, but it was too late. Hard she fell on her back and needed some moments to be able to breathe again. One or two bottles smashed and there was some red fluid in the white snow. It took Michiru some moments to realize that it had been just one of the tomatoes she bought to let Setsuna make spaghetti.

_Where's the cheese?_

Michiru gulped and blinked away the tears burning in her eyes.

_Can't I do ANYTHING right? I can't really take care of Hime-chan alone, I can't find her mother and bring her back, hell, I can't even go shopping for food without destroying the half of it!_

Michiru sobbed quietly and tried to get the sad remains of their dinner back into the bag. It least it wasn't broken, not very much.

_Why the hell can't I find her? Why?!_

"Everything alright?" Suddenly. there were hands helping her up, knocking some snow off her slightly torn jacket and stroking it out of her messed hair. "You should be more careful. It's quite slippery out here." There was a young man, merely a boy, kneeling in front of her, putting the still good looking things into her bag and lifting it up to her. Automatically, Michiru took it and stared at him with watery, wide eyes, shamelessly studying him. He obviously froze like hell: his clothes were worn out and his shoes had seen better days, as well. His feet were surely wet and frozen as were his hands. They looked white, almost blue. The boy hopped from one foot to the other to keep warm and blew absent-mindedly into his stiff fingers. There was a greedy sparkle in his eyes as he glanced over to her shopping bag, knowing that it contained a lot of food. Michiru blinked and for a moment she saw Haruka standing in front of her, the sorry way she had looked on the picture Michiru had found in the blonde's wardrobe some weeks ago. However, after only a second the vision was gone and there was still that boy, still clapping his almost blue hands in front of his mouth. He obviously owned neither gloves nor a proper scarf, only a dirty cap that was lying in the snow near the entrance door. There were some coins in it. Tiny coins.

"Are you okay, lady? You did quite a nasty fall..."

"Are you a beggar?" interrupted Michiru his concerned words directly and didn't even notice that her voice sounded sharper than she had intended it to do.

_Maybe he knows where my Ruka is?_

Michiru winced as he suddenly spun around, grabbed is cap and ran away as fast as the slippery underground allowed him to slide. It looked a lot like a panicked flight.

_Is it forbidden to beg at a place like this? _

Michiru blinked and looked for the split of a second back to the entrance of the supermarket, sensing that he had stood outside in the cold for probably hours...

"Wait!"

Michiru put the paper bag down and turned around. Ignoring the other people and shouting loudly, she followed him over the parking space, across the street and almost through half of the inner city of Tokyo.

"Please! Wait!"

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Impatiently, Setsuna watched TV, or better, zapped through the fifty channels at once, not even seeing the talk shows, the documentaries, the news, the movies and the shopping transmissions. Her eyes stared more at the clock hanging over the TV, anyway.

_It's past midnight!_

Setsuna yawned and took the blanket to cover a sleeping Elza. The red haired girl had already slept for a little while in her bed, but then Hotaru woke up and cried because she needed new nappies and of course she woke Elza up, as well. It was not very hard for Setsuna to stay up almost half of the night, because she was used to it due to her irregular working hours; she could sleep later. Or at least try to sleep a little bit more during the morning when Elza fed little Hotaru and prepared to go to school. Although she protested, she had to go to school - just like Michiru who wasn't home yet.

_It's past midnight!_

Setsuna stroked carefully through red strands and sighed deeply. Hotaru was satisfied after they changed her nappies and because the little girl didn't want to sleep all alone in Michiru's room, Setsuna brought the cradle down and sat beside her on the couch to watch TV. To do anything that kept her from calling the police. She knew that there was no need to call the police since her little sister had quite often kept away that long during the past weeks. Since that very night, to be exactly. Elza had tried to wait for the sea beauty, but after the first ten minutes of watching how to cook spaghetti with tuna and how you could use a bra to have a visible bigger breast, sleep overcame her bored mind. Setsuna let her sleep. It was the best she could did, anyway: to let her sleep and hope that there Christmas vacations would come soon. They all needed some free time without school or Setsuna's firm nagging them.

_To really be able to search for her._

There was only one more week to endure their daily routine and then they could celebrate the festival of love - knowing that it would be a total fake for Michiru, for all of them if they weren't able to find Haruka until then. Right now, Michiru was out there in the bitter cold, searching for Haruka to bring her home - hopefully before Christmas. Setsuna agreed with Michiru that they needed to look for the blonde to ask her why she went away and left her beloved daughter behind. However, it wouldn't bring them any good if they didn't plan their actions, but ran out into the snow covered inner city of Tokyo like Michiru had done over the past weeks, ignoring that even she had to sleep sometimes.

_It's past midnight!_

_I'm going to kill her!_

Setsuna sighed deeply and closed her burning eyes for a moment, feeling how Elza grabbed sleepily for her stroking hand and held it softly tight. Setsuna sighed again and shook her head. Of course she couldn't be angry with her younger sister. They all had been shocked beyond comparison after Haruka had simply walked away – leaving little Hotaru behind. No one had expected her to react this way after the successful operation, after their little "miracle", and even after reading parts of the so called goodbye letter, Setsuna still didn't understand why the tall blonde had disappeared so suddenly. There had been no reason! Michiru wanted her to stay, didn't she? Hime-chan was healthy again, wasn't she? The rest of the Meioh-family wanted her to be an important part of their family, as well, didn't they? So why the hell did she leave?!

Setsuna didn't understand Haruka's decision. She simply didn't know what absurdly strange things had gone through the blonde's head during that night. However, the young woman knew that they had to bring her back. Maybe Haruka didn't want to stay here, maybe she wanted to have her own life since it was clear that she wasn't the third senshi they were looking for, butfor Hotaru's sake they had to find her. The little girl needed her mother - and Setsuna couldn't believe that Haruka was so cold, so cruel that she could leave her daughter for good - simply like that!

_Something must have happened!_

Setsuna was sure about that. Maybe Haruka didn't like the Meioh-family, maybe she didn't even like Michiru, but the young woman knew too well that Haruka loved her daughter more than anyone else on this earth. She had fought so hard for her during the past months, she would have never abandoned little Hotaru without a good reason. Setsuna hoped that Haruka had a very good reason, because Michiru didn't look very happy whenever Hotaru started to scream in the middle of the night and they all were sure that it she had no hunger, no dirty nappies and that surely no growing teeth could bugger her.

_What if we'll find her and she won't come back?_

_We can't force her, can we?_

Setsuna sighed deeply and rose as she heard the front door closing slowly. Silently, she walked out of the living room and saw her younger sister bowing over her shoes. Her sea green hair was messed and her face very pale. There were dark rings under tiredly sparkling eyes.

_When we'll find Haruka and she won't come back, it'll break Michi's heart._

"Hello, Michi." Setsuna came nearer and as Michiru looked up she could see the fear there for a brief moment: that her bigger sister would be angry with her, that they would argue about her coming home so late, maybe even about the maths test she had failed, because right now there were more important things going on in her young life than silly numbers and calculations. The expression disappeared within a second and was replaced by tiredness and sadness.

"Hi, Sissy."

"It's quite late." Setsuna knelt down next to her sister and helped her with her shoelaces. Suddenly, they were like two snakes which always escaped Michiru who was prepared to go to bed in her clothes, if she couldn't get rid of them. "And you have school tomorrow."

"Well..." Michiru yawned and shrugged her shoulders. "There was a boy and I asked him if he knew Haruka. But he didn't... and then... I couldn't let him stay like that." Michiru shook her head in disbelieve. "Can you imagine how stupid bureaucracy can be?"

Setsuna could imagine, but she wouldn't ask any further. Not today. Whatever Michiru had experienced today, it didn't contain Haruka's reappearance, therefore it had time until later.

"I need to talk to you, Michi." Setsuna helped her sister up and took her left arm. The girl reeled visibly and seemed to stumble over her own feet, exactly the same way Setsuna had done during the past weeks, because of that bloody crutch. Mostly, the young woman had the had the feeling that she stumbled because of her crutch and so she dammed it very quickly and tried to live with the pain in her right leg whenever she did an ill-judged movement. As she was doing right now, but Setsuna only bit on her lower lip and helped Michiru upstairs into her room. There she let her sit down on her bed and knelt down in front of it - with some effort, but she wanted to look her sister into the eyes to be sure that she would listen to her words - or wasn't asleep, at least.

"Your conductor called me up today."

Michiru made an annoyed grimace and tried to unbutton the blouse of her school uniform.

"He needs you, Michi. You recorded that CD with him, didn't you? Well, it's not finished yet. You promised him to record a song where only you play the violin. Now the date of the publication comes nearer and still your song is missing."

"He can publish it without it!" Michiru's voice was insensible and finally she managed to get out of her blouse. She froze instantly and therefore she searched for her night T-shirt under the blanket, but Setsuna held her back.

"Michi! Listen to me! I know it's not easy right now, but you can't simply cancel all of your life. You simply can't stop making music and drawing your nice pictures."

"Of course I can!" now Michiru's voice was stubborn. "He should search someone else. I had been his clown for long enough!"

"Michi!"

"That's true. Instead of being in hospital with Hime-chan I went to record that stupid CD. What is it worth for?"

"To make the listeners happy, and to help little children like Hime-chan."

"Nani?"

"Half of the money goes to a children hospital in Nagasaki. Didn't you know that?"

"No..." Michiru gulped visibly and looked over to the place where normally the cradle stood. She knew that Hotaru slept right now in the living room or in Setsuna's sleeping room, therefore no crying would disturb Michiru's sleep this night. The young violinist wanted to thank her sister for all the things she did for her: like baby sitting little Hotaru when she was at school or walking through the streets of Tokyo, for making dinner and caring for the baby; Elza and her. "But I've already wasted an entire day in recording that CD while Hime-chan almost died!"

Setsuna looked sadly at her younger sister, then she sat down next to her and embraced her gently as the first tears started to fall.

"I hadn't been here for so many times when they needed me! Even at the first day when I brought Haruka here, I simply disappeared, because I had some bloody rehearsals. Surely, she thought that I don't like her enough and ran away! Surely, it's all my fault that she's gone now. And I can't find her. Nowhere. I've searched every where." Michiru cried and let her sister embrace her. It felt so good. So damn good. Although it wasn't anything compared to the strong arms she had felt what felt like an eternity ago. When she had looked into happy sparkling dark green eyes.

Before she went out to record that CD.

Before little Hotaru almost died.

Before Haruka simply went away.

"Michi..." Setsuna brought her sobbing sister nearer and rocked her softly. "It is not your fault, believe me. Everyone is free to decide. And she decided to go."

"No, she wasn't." Michiru shook her head and more tears escaped her burning eyes. "She has never been free to decide."

"Nani?"

"I told her that I would pay her daughter's operation when she would come with me and be Sailor Uranus." Now it was out. Finally out. The guilt that had even followed her in her dreams, letting her wake up in the middle of the night, still shaking from the nightmare she had just experienced. A guilt she couldn't stand any longer - not all alone. "She only stayed here because of that bloody contract. Later on when I had to see that she wasn't a senshi, but a really dear friend, I told her that I would pay the operation because of Hime-chan's sake, because I loved the little girl, but I have no idea if she believed me. Maybe she saw no other way when Hmme-chan was healthy again. She knew she wasn't Sailor Uranus. Maybe... maybe she felt superfluous. And... and she only left Hime-chan behind... because she knew that she's Sailor... Saturn..."

Michiru's voice broke and her whole body shook. Setsuna held her tighter and gulped, blinking her own tears away. Suddenly, a lot of what had happened seemed more logical to her. Suddenly, a lot of Haruka's actions she hadn't understand then, were crystal clear to her now.

_Oh Michi..._

It was typical for Michiru to do such a deal. The senshi of the ocean had been obsessed by their mission. Hai, Setsuna knew that her little sister would have done anything to find the third and the fourth outer senshi and to be able to find the talismans.

_She would have even blackmailed a girl she believed to be Sailor Uranus. _

Setsuna stroked gently over Michiru's hair and back and tried to calm her down with soft words. Yes, Michiru would have done anything, even blackmailing a young mother who had no other change than to take her offer. Setsuna had seen the love in Haruka's eyes whenever she had fed little Hime-chan, whenever she had taken care of the little baby. Just like Michiru would have done anything for the mission, Haruka would have done anything for her daughter.

However, Michiru had changed over the past months. From one day to the other she had to take care of a little baby and a mother who was still weak and ill from the hard birth and the months that had followed. Setsuna didn't know all of Haruka's past, she wasn't even sure if Michiru knew more about it, but she could guess that there had been a lot of darkness in Haruka's young life before she met the sea senshi. Certainly, she had her own nightmares besides her daughter's illness and the fight against the youmas and suddenly Michiru had to deal with that, as well: with a girl who had big problems; with a girl who was so much like the girl Michiru had been herself, eight years before.

Yes, the young violinist had changed over the past months. Maybe in the beginning, she had only brought Haruka here because of their mission, but the more time passed and the more happened with Haruka and Hotaru being around, the more Michiru hadn't wanted them to stay because of their mission, but because they slowly became friends. No, not only friends, but also members of the Meioh-family. Setsuna's parents had been crazy about little Hotaru from the first moments they saw here and they wanted to help at the very instant. Even though they had important concerts to give, they came here to baby sit little Hotaru.

_Michiru's not the same she had been in September. Didn't Haruka notice? Didn't she see that everything Michi did for her was because of their friendship? Because she loved the little baby? Didn't she see that Michi, that we all wanted her to stay? Didn't she feel that our feelings were true?_

Obviously, Haruka didn't. Maybe she had been too occupied with her little daughter who almost died that she had no time to look around and see that a lot had changed. Maybe she simply couldn't trust them, because she had been disappointed in friendship before? Who knew? Maybe Haruka didn't think anything at all and simply did a big mistake? Everyone does a stupid mistake sometimes.

_I hadn't seen Elza's feelings for so many years, although she'd tried to show it so clearly to me. Maybe Haruka didn't think much and now she's too afraid, or too proud, to come back?_

Setsuna raised her head and looked out of the window. It was snowing heavily outside.

_Now she's somewhere out there. In the bitter cold. Maybe she's freezing right now? Maybe she misses her daughter? Maybe she wants to come back, but has no idea how we will react? Maybe she thinks that we are happy to be rid of her? Maybe..._

_Stop thinking like that!_

Setsuna took a deep, shaky breath and let carefully go of her little sister.

_It's enough when Michi has such strange thoughts. I need to stay calm before our whole world sinks in chaos!_

"Don't worry, Michi. We'll find her, okay?"

"But we've already searched... for... for three weeks!"

"We'll find her, okay? And now you'll go to bed. It's past midnight and you need to sleep."

Michiru looked at her and it was clear that she hardly believed in Setsuna's words, yet she was too tired to argue with her. Therefore, she put on her T-shirt and crept under the blanket.

Half an hour after Michiru had fallen asleep, Setsuna was still sitting at the rim of her bed, looking down at her smaller sister, wondering what they should do. Three weeks had passed already, Michiru was right, and Setsuna knew that she didn't want to live through another three weeks like these ever again.

_We'll have to find her._

It was like the past year when they'd searched for Sailor Uranus. On the other side, it had been completely different then. They hadn't known the girl standing behind the shadow the stars showed them. Often Setsuna had tried to convince herself that they didn't need the senshi of the wind, that they could finish their mission without her if they only tried hard enough.

Now the situation was completely different. They knew Haruka, or at least believed to know a little bit of her - and they needed her. Hime-chan needed her mother as Michiru needed her friend. Damn, they all needed her. Even Elza who didn't talk about it much, but her reactions were clear. Whenever the phone rang she took it and looked slightly disappointed when someone else answered her, someone else than Haruka. Every time the door bell rang, Elza winced and got pale. She didn't believe that Haruka would come all the way from Tokyo out here, but she knew that the police would. If something terribly had happened and they had found their address in Haruka's clothes, they would surely come. However, mostly it was only Michiru who had forgotten her key, as she had often done during the past weeks.

_Even if she doesn't need us, then she needs at least her daughter._

Setsuna sighed and glanced over to the now empty space. Right now Hime-chan slept deep and tight, but it was only a matter of time until she would wake up again and turn their nights into days.

_We'll find her. No matter how._

Setsuna stroked carefully over sea green curls and looked sadly into her little sister's exhausted face.

_No matter how._

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Meioh Aiko had only finished breakfast when the telephone rang. Her husband and she exchanged glances, both thinking of a little girl who had been very ill only three weeks ago. Although they trusted Dr. Sugara-san completely, they were still a little bit uncertain about the so called "miracle". Maybe they really believe in little Hotaru miraculous recovery over the course of the following years, but till then Aiko's hand would always shake a little bit when she answered the ringing telephone.

"Hello?" Her face brightened up, a certain sign for her husband that everything was fine with the little girl. "Hello Setsuna-darling. It's nice to hear you. What's up over there in Tokyo?"

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Her conductor had been happy. All afternoon he looked just like he would celebrate the emperor's birthday, Christmas and New Year all at once. At first Michiru hadn't wanted to waste her time on silly rehearsals any longer, but all morning she had to think of Setsuna's words. While they wrote an easy English test, Michiru could only think of the children she could help with that CD. Of course she knew that she was famous in the world of classic music. Her parents were very famous and she had recorded herself already some really good CDs, well, at least the critics found that they were good. Michiru didn't want to listen to her own music right now. It sounded so different from what she felt right now.

Certainly, she had messed her English test, but in the end of the lesson she took her cell phone and rang up her conductor. A CD with a solo piece played by her would be more sold than without it. She knew that fact, her conductor knew it and the people in the record studio knew it, as well. When Michiru left the school building three hours later, she knew which song she would use. It was a new song she had only finished three nights before when she couldn't sleep properly. In the beginning, her conductor had looked sceptical. It was not the first song she played violin and sung by herself, as well, but he surely had expected something different. In the end he was delighted and said that she should think of an own CD with only sung songs. Even the guys from the recording studio agreed. For them it had been a pleasant working day since Michiru already had a lot of experience in recording CDs.

Although Michiru would have never admitted to it, it had been a pleasure to play her violin again. She hadn't realized how much she had missed it during the last weeks...

_No, I have more important things to do!_

Michiru held the instrument case tighter and turned to the right. It was six in the evening, night already crept over the land. Little snowflakes danced in the streetlamp's light and everything looked almost peaceful. Yes, it was shortly before Christmas. The city's shop windows where decorated with little angels and thick Santa Clauses and red nosed reindeers. Normally it would have been a happy time and little Hotaru loved all the different lights, the sparkles of the fake stars and the colourful Christmas trees. This year, however, Michiru simply couldn't be happy about this special time of the year. Of course she had already bought her gifts, for everyone. Yet she wasn't sure how she should give it to Haruka. How...

Michiru blinked and continued to walk through the snow. This year the snowfalls were so heavy that the white element couldn't even melt away in the inner city of Tokyo where normally now snow could touch the ground. Now the pavements were white and slippery and the cars had to drive more careful. For Hotaru it was a great time. She loved the snow flakes flying so lightly through the air and of course Orpheus tried to catch and to eat them all.

Sissy went shopping today.

It had been breakfast when Elza opened the fridge and wondered why they had no milk. Right at that moment, Michiru remembered the bag she had put down near the supermarket's entrance and simply forgot there. Elza had looked very puzzled at her, then she had shrugged her shoulders and declared that she would go shopping with Setsuna after school. Shaking her head she had declared with an amused grin that Michiru should take better care the next time. That she should be happy that her head was attached to her body; not that she would leave the house one day with her head being still on the pillow. Then, driving her car would be quite a challenge.

Michiru only smiled embarrassed. To mess up her tests, to forgot her house keys twice a day and to walk around for hours to search for her car she had to put on this parking space - or maybe on another one - was one thing, but to forget their food so that Setsuna and Elza had to go hungry, that was a complete different thing. They shouldn't suffer because Michiru thought about everything these days. Everything except their own good. Michiru knew too well how Elza could be when she was really hungry, and she didn't want Setsuna to handle a really angry red haired girl who only found some sausages and mustard in the fridge.

Michiru put her violin in the trunk and sat behind the Ferrari's steering wheel. Carefully, she started to drive and cursed silently as the car slipped over the snowy ground. It felt like driving on an ice rink and not on a normal street. The windscreen wiper made a squeaking noise as they fought against the snow flakes and Michiru slowed it down a little bit. The heating was working, but still she felt incredibly cold. The lack of sleep made her body tremble and her eyes burning. At least it was only six in the evening; no one expected her to be home before eight. Those were two precious hours she could use driving through the streets and staring at the pavements. It was an advantage for her that the street was so slippery, consequently she could drive slowly without hindering any car behind her. Maybe she was lucky? Maybe she would find her? Maybe she could bring her home and then enjoy Setsuna's mashed potatoes? While Elza would declare in her loud voice that she didn't like sausages and that she preferred a stirred egg instead.

Michiru didn't think much about why Elza was there in the mornings to eat breakfast with her and a really, really sleepy Setsuna who took care of Hotaru later on. Michiru didn't think much about why Elza suddenly stayed over night, in Setsuna's room. Michiru didn't even think much about it when she came down in the mornings to find them both sleeping on the living room's couch after a long night with Hime-chan, holding each other in a tender embrace.

When all this strange stuff would be over, when Haruka would be home again, when Michiru would find a clear thought again in her dizzy mind, then she would think about why Elza was suddenly around almost all of the time. Then she would think about why her older sister and her best friend suddenly did so much things together. Maybe then she would realize that Setsuna and Elza were finally a couple. Maybe then. After they had found Haruka. After this total chaos would be reduced again to the normal chaos their life had been before that night three weeks ago.

_Maybe..._

Michiru's eyes grew wide as she saw the shadow standing on the pavement, wearing very short clothes, especially for this snowy season. The young violinist quickly looked around, recognizing one of the darker, or better, redder areas of Tokyo. During the first week Michiru had no intention of coming here. She didn't want to search here, because if she found her here, it would have meant that Haruka hadn't learned of the mistakes she had done in her young past. That none of her words she had shouted at Michiru when the sea goddess had taken those pills were true. That she hadn't meant any of them.

_Nani..._

Michiru braked and felt how the car slipped some more meters before it finally came to a halt. Some other cars drove slowly by, not noticing her, but the young woman seemed to have seen here. She came over to the silver Ferrari, stumbling visibly in her high heels.

_Ruka...?_

The door was opened and a young woman looked askingly down at her. Her blonde hair was wet and messed from the snow and the short dress looked crumbled. She had dark blue eyes and was about ten years older than Haruka.

_No, she's not my Ruka._

Michiru didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Whether to be happy or sad. Therefore, she only kept sitting behind her steering wheel, grabbing it hard with her hands, staring back at the young woman.

"... I asked you something, lady." The young woman looked around and finally sat down, closing the car door behind her. With a deep sigh she held her hands before the heating and stretched her surely hurting legs. "Oh, that's nicely warm!" she sighed and closed her eyes that were heavily coloured by make up for a moment, obviously enjoying the warmth of the car and the softness of the seat. Then she was reminded of Michiru who was still staring at her and turned towards her.

"So, what's up? Did you want something from me or did you just take a stop because the road's too slippery?"

"Oh..." Michiru blinked, then she leaned towards the young woman, but instead of doing any action the blonde seemed to have expected, she only opened the compartment to take out a picture.

"Do you know that girl? Have you seen her somewhere here? During the past three weeks?" asked Michiru and gave it to the blonde. Of course they had pictures of Haruka. This one showed her feeding her daughter while Orpheus sat by her side, looking like the little beggar he could be up to her, certainly wanting something from her dinner that stood next to her on the table. However, Haruka never ate before she hadn't fed her daughter. Even if it meant that they had to heat up her meal again.

"A cute baby." There was a dreamy look in blue eyes as the young woman stared at the photo.

"Hai, but I meant the older girl."

"I thought so." The blonde looked up, then she shook her head. "Gomen, lady, but I don't know her."

"Okay."

Michiru took a deep breath, trying to gulp her disappointment and ignoring the endless relief in her soul. She wanted so badly to find her Ruka, but to be honest, she didn't want to find her here.

"Who's she?"

"A very good friend." Michiru took the photo to put it away again. Mentally, she already drove through the other streets and wondered if she would see her, even she would be on a pavement, looking into a shop window or carrying a bag with food. It was winter, it was snowing like hell. Certainly, she wore the jacket Elza once bought together with her. Maybe she had her cap on, therefore there would be no hair to see. Haruka could be every shadow on the street, looking thick in her winter clothes, although she was extremely thin. Maybe Haruka was out there and crossed the street right behind the silver Ferrari, and Michiru couldn't see her consequently? Who knew, maybe she had entered the supermarket only seconds after Michiru had left it yesterday? Maybe she had stood at the other side of the milk shelf and Michiru just hadn't seen her? Tokyo was big, it was only by chance that she would find her. If she was still in Tokyo. Maybe she had already left the big city and lived now somewhere else in Japan? Japan was huge, where the hell should she start to search? Where...

"Hey, lady, everything alright?" The young woman looked uncomfortable as she saw the tears running over pale cheeks. Okay, she had already answered the girl's question, it was obvious that the other one didn't want what her normal customers wanted, but the blonde didn't want to get out of the warm car so quickly. It was only seven in the evening, a long, terribly cold night was still ahead. Enough time to tremble in the snow. Therefore, she wanted to use every second she got in that nice, warm car, even if it meant talking to a stranger. Well, talking was better than all the other stuff.

"No! Nothing's alright!" sobbed Michiru and hated herself for crying again. Crying didn't change anything, but she couldn't help it. Every time she felt miserable and so damn helpless, the tears simply rolled over her face. She wasn't a cry baby, but right now she couldn't fight the tears, her emotional roller coaster. "I've searched everywhere for her. Do you hear me? Everywhere! But she stays hidden!"

"Maybe she has her reasons?" said the young woman who knew that she would never return to that house again. A place that was normally called home, but had never been one for her.

"Oh, she has her reasons to come back! Her daughter needs her!"

"That has been her daughter on the picture? Woah! She's very young, isn't she? Maybe it was too much responsibility for her? I mean, to stand up in the middle of the night, to change nappies, to be always be there for such a small being..."

"Then she wouldn't have fought for her during the operation!"

"Operation?"

"Her daughter had been very ill and I guess without Haruka's will she would have never made it."

For a moment there was silence in the car and the young woman frowned. Then she searched her pockets and produced a small handkerchief. She handled it a still sobbing girl.

"Arigato..." sniffed Michiru and blew into it.

"Who are you? Her sister? How did her parents react when she became pregnant?"

"I am not her sister, but my parents love their new grandchild and I am sure they like her a lot, too."

"So it can't be the disappointment of the family why she ran away."

"No," sobbed Michiru, not even being aware that she talked to a total stranger about her private life. The other woman was listening and she had no idea of what had happened and consequently she didn't say so nice words as Michiru's sister had done. Setsuna had tried to comfort her, this young woman simply tried to find answers... and to warm her cold hands on the car's heating.

"We all like her the way she is. It's okay that she's such a young mother. We are all taking care of her daughter so that she can go to school and finish it. So that she can have a normal life again!"

"Maybe that was too much for her? I mean, first the stress of becoming a mother, then the operation and besides school? Maybe you and your family's expectations were too high? Maybe too high for her to live up to them? Maybe she left because she didn't want to disappoint you?"

There was again silence in the car. Michiru gulped and kneaded the handkerchief in her hands.

"She can't disappoint me, neither my family. We all love her!"

"Did you tell her that?"

"No, but she must know that."

"How? You said she's just a friend. It's different to be a friend or a member of a family. Guess she didn't know or didn't trust your feelings." The young woman leaned closer to the heating and stared out of the window. "Why do you search here for her? I mean, there are so many other places where you could be looking for her: the asylums for homeless people; the orphanage for those who are under 21. The bars, the discos. The supermarkets, the cinemas. She could be everywhere. Why here?"

"Here's the place I met her for the first time." Michiru stared out of the window, not seeing the snow but a pregnant Haruka who had fought so bravely against the rude young men. "Or somewhere around here."

The blonde turned her head and looked speechlessly at the girl, finding no words to express her thoughts. Then she blinked. And blinked again.

"She had been..."

"Guess."

"Then it's no wonder that she didn't know that she was loved by you and your family. Once you experience this hell out there you stop to trust anyone. You stop to believe in such things like love and family and hope." Her last words sounded very bitter and again she looked out of the window. "But she's not here. I know a lot of girls here, sometimes we go to a bar together to drink a hot tea or just to talk. She isn't one of them." She shook her head, watching the snow flakes melting on the silver bonnet. "Search somewhere else, lady. She's escaped this hell, right? Whoever is able to escape doesn't want to come back."

Michiru sniffed and nodded. Thinking over the words she had just heard, from a stranger who didn't know Haruka nor her. A stranger who was right. She had never told Haruka that she loved her, had never told her that she wanted her to stay, no matter if she was Sailor Uranus or not. She had never told her that they all already thought of her as a member of the Meioh-family. How should Haruka have known it? How should she have known that she was welcome, even though she couldn't transform? She had experienced so much during the time before she got pregnant, certainly she hadn't told Michiru everything. How should she have been able to know that it was real love Michiru wanted so badly to give her when she had felt so much faked love before...

Again tears ran over her cheeks and Michiru tried to wipe them away with shaking hands.

Certainly, Haruka had thought that the contract was over when Hotaru had recovered and the blonde hadn't still been able to transform.

_What if she ran away, because she didn't want to be thrown out?_

_What if she left Hotaru behind, because she knew that she couldn't take care of a small child all alone?_

_What if she's somewhere out there, totally unhappy, but believing that she's doing the right thing?_

_What if..._

Michiru sighed deeply.

_That can't be!_

_Why not?_

_She could have talked to me about all this._

_When? You've hardly ever been home. You had your rehearsals and your concerts. And when you were home in the end, Hotaru needed too much attention._

"I did so much wrong..." whispered Michiru shocked and put the handkerchief finally away. "So much..."

The young woman watched her for some moments, then she shook her head.

"You love her." It was not a question. "That's never wrong. People are like that, lady. Sometimes we do things we don't want to do in reality. And sometimes we forget to say the most obvious words, because we think the other one already knows them. It's easy to be misunderstood, lady. It's a typical human thing. Keep searching. I wish you luck. And once you'll have found her, tell her all those words. Simply like that. So that she knows what's going on and doesn't have to guess and wonder any longer."

Michiru raised her head and stared at her, wiping away the last tears from her burning eyes. Feeling her headache increasing.

"I wish I had someone like you, lady. Someone who loves me that much to search me for so long. When I would be that girl I wouldn't go again."

Michiru nodded thoughtfully and took a deep breath.

"Arigato for listening."

"No offence, lady."

The blonde opened the door and wanted to get out into the winter's cold, but she was held back by an icy hand.

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She sat on a soft bed, staring at her slightly trembling hands in confusion. She was in a small, but clean room, in a comfortingly warm room, to be exactly. Different sheets of paper were in front of her. There was a contract for this room; the rent was already paid for the coming year. There was another contract, saying that she would go to the evening school right at the beginning of January. As like there was a contract about a job. It was nothing special: she had to order files in a big, but noble hospital. Maybe it wasn't a very exciting job, it was paid good enough for food and clothes. And it was a solid job. Away from the street...

The young woman blinked and took the papers in her shaking hands. Still she didn't understand what had happened during the past hours. She had met a nice young woman who seemed to be the owner of that house where she got her room, then she met a nice doctor who always needed a helping hand with the always overflowing files. It was only one phone call it took to make her a student again. At the age of twenty seven!

_Nani..._

There was some money beneath the papers. It was not very much, but for the blonde it was a little fortune. Deeply she crept into the warm coat the girl had hung around her shoulders and swallowed hard.

It was a second chance someone had offered her, simply like that. Still a hard way lay in front of her, that was sure, but if she didn't make another silly mistake she had a big chance of making it.

The blonde closed her eyes and for the first time in years she felt safe.

Yes, it was a second chance the strange girl had offered her merely some hours ago.

And she would be doomed if she wouldn't use it wisely!

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Hime-chan stretched her small hands towards the snow flakes and laughed happily. Setsuna smiled and bowed to correct the blanket. Last week they had bought a pram you could transform into a sports pram when Hotaru would be older. It fitted perfectly in Setsuna's car and every day she took a long walk with the little girl. On the beach, she took Orpheus with them and they all enjoyed the rare moments of peace. Sometimes she could even convince Michiru to come with her. Those were the few minutes when Setsuna saw her little sister smile, playing with Hotaru like nothing had happened at all.

Now Orpheus was lying at home in front of the door, waiting for her to come home. Today, Setsuna took the car and drove right to school. She knew that Michiru had already left at noon to meet with her conductor and to search again the streets and all the different places where homeless people got turn to, but she also knew that Elza had training until five in the afternoon and that she would be very happy to be fetched up.

_Hope they'll have more luck in finding her than we have._

Setsuna had talked for a long time with her parents over the phone and they had decided to finally get the police involved. Now the patrol services had a photo of Haruka and Setsuna hoped that they would find her and bring her home. It had become clear over the last weeks that they wouldn't find her by running along the streets, shouting her name. Maybe Michiru would actually find her, but then it would be sheer luck. Sometimes Setsuna would join Michiru, sometimes Elza would do. Yet, it was depressing to go home after seemingly endless hours - without any result, without even the slightest trace of the blonde.

Setsuna rolled the pram slowly over the snowy path towards the gymnasium and raised her head as she heard someone calling her name.

"Sissy-chan!"

Elza's face brightened up and she let go her bag. Quickly, she sprinted through the snow as if she hadn't had two exhausting hours of hard athletic training behind her, and jumped into Setsuna's arms.

"Hey, wild one, be careful. I am not such a good sportswoman like you," smiled the young woman and held her gently tight for a moment, reeling to keep her balance. Then she let her down to correct her jacket, her scarf and her cap. However, they were already messed again as Elza bowed over the pram and tickled little Hotaru who squealed with pleasure. A plush dolphin hit Elza's nose and the red haired girl had to laugh loudly.

"That's what you deserve for tickling her," grinned Setsuna and corrected Hotaru's blanket again. Obviously, it was senseless correcting impetuous Elza's clothes, but the little girl shouldn't catch a cold.

"And what do I get when I tickle you?" Elza's eyes sparkled and Setsuna's grin grew wider.

"What do you expect?"

"A big bucket full of chocolate ice cream."

"I talked of a punishment, not of a reward."

"But..."

"Well, I could bind you and then eat it all alone."

At the first moment Elza pouted playfully, but then she had to grin.

"Afterwards, you'll be sick. No, I need to help you with the ice cream. That's clear. No, you don't have to thank me for your help, I am doing it... iiiieeeeehh!!" Elza screamed as Setsuna was suddenly by her side and slipped her hands under the thick winter jacket. Then, the red haired girl started helplessly to laugh.

"Sissy-chan... I... I wanted to tickle you... not you... me..." she laughed and soon pleaded for mercy. For mercy and chocolate ice cream.

"What a NICE family."

They both stopped as they heard the ironic voice in front of them. Both looked up and saw Tamara standing there, looking sceptically at them. After a long moment of uncomfortable silence, she came over and stared into the pram, frowning at little Hotaru.

"Didn't know that your parents got another child, Setsuna."

"Oh, no. They didn't. They got a grandchild."

Tamara's disbelieving stare at Setsuna was so shocked that Elza regretted that she couldn't take a picture of the other girl's face. Certainly, she would have won every photo competition in the region with it, showing a clearly dumb expression. There was complete confusion written all over Tamara's face as she looked from Setsuna to Hotaru and back - and then at Elza. The red haired girl sensed her chance. She embraced her girlfriend and gave her a quick kiss.

"Hai, they are sooo proud grandparents, right, darling?"

Setsuna tried not to grin too openly and nodded in agreement.

"Hai, so damn proud."

Tamara blinked before she blushed deeply. Anger glittered in her eyes as she stepped away from the pram as if it was in standing in flames.

"You... you..." she stammered, not looking away from the two girls. From Elza she had always hated and from the young woman who was Michiru's older sister. Michiru whom Tamara hated almost more than Elza. "You... You..."

"We are a couple, if you want to ask that."

"And this... this..."

"This is Hime-chan whom we love a lot."

Elza's lips almost met behind her ears; she was grinning so wildly. Not even once she had experienced a speechless Tamara. The mean girl always managed to have the last word; always shouted cruel words at Michiru or her. Now, however, she was standing there, not understanding anything, shaking in rage, not being able to say anything. _Anything_. It was only a small victory, because Elza knew that Tamara would always be her enemy, or at least for the coming year until they would graduate and finally leave school. Yet, this victory, even if it was only tiny and maybe even unimportant for Tamara, was a great satisfaction Elza could get regarding the always so hurting classmate. Whenever Tamara would shout at her again, she would remember that blushed, shaking, speechless Tamara and feel better. Much better.

"Shall we go, darling?"

"Hai."

Setsuna took the pram's handlebars while Elza picked up her bag. Together they left the yard, leaving a still stunned Tamara behind who wasn't even able to shout _baka_. Tamara couldn't do anything else than staring after them, seeing that she had lost. For the first time.

On the parking space Elza couldn't hold back her giggle. Laughing loudly, she put her bag into the boot of Setsuna's car and shook her head.

"I will never forget that face," she snickered and danced happily around Hotaru's pram. The little girl hardly wondered; her aunt was always like that. She only threw the dolphin after her and giggled, as well.

"I don't want to be your enemy, Elza-chan," smiled Setsuna and gave Hotaru her dolphin back. Then she looked around. It was getting darker, but she wanted to go for at least a small walk with the baby. Near school was a nice park and automatically she crossed the street to reach it. Elza followed her, still dancing and partly slipping on the icy underground.

"No, you are my girlfriend."

It sounded so great to say it out loud and to earn one of Setsuna's soft smiles and not one of her angry reactions Elza had seen so often during the past years.

"Is there a difference?" smirked Setsuna and stopped the pram as Elza embraced her. Tenderly they kissed until a plush dolphin hit them.

"And, is there a difference?" asked Elza and handled little Hotaru her dolphin. Obviously, the little girl wanted to see more than her aunts kissing.

"Hm... if you massage my shoulders this evening and make me a chocolate milk, then I'll reconsider it."

"Blackmailer."

"No shoulder massaging?"

"Well... let's see."

They both smiled at each other before they continued their way through the snowy park. The trees' icicle sparkled in the lamplight's shine like little diamonds and the snow seemed to swallow every unpleasant noise. The street cars couldn't be heard any longer and the silence of the place was wonderful peaceful. For some minutes they walked in silence, only hearing the snow falling down and Hotaru's giggle when she would catch a flake that was melting away quickly in her little hand.

"Michiru's at the opera?" asked Elza finally and searched in her jacket pockets for her gloves. Setsuna reached into the compartment under the pram and handled them to her.

"You've forgot them on the table," explained Setsuna and bowed to pick up Hotaru's dolphin for the fifth time. "Hai, Michi's at the opera. It's the first time she's asked to give a concert. Normally, other people ask her to play."

Elza raised her head and looked up to the grey sky. The snow falling down to her looked like thousands of stars falling to earth. It reminded Elza slightly of Star Trek, a TV-show she had loved when she had been little.

"That concert for homeless people seems to be very important to her."

"Hai."

"I wish I could help. But you know how bad my piano play is. And I am sure that no one wants me doing some aerobic on the stage."

For another moment there was silence until Setsuna stopped.

"You help a lot, don't you know? You take care of Hime-chan, you cook, you even tried to tidy up the house. Right now Michi's a little bit occupied with other things and you are a great help when I'm simply too tired to get things done."

Elza nodded and sighed deeply.

"But it's not the same. I mean, nothing that I do will bring her back." Elza stirred with her shoes in the snow and looked suddenly very small. Small and sad.

"It does, Elza-chan. You are taking care of Hime-chan, Michi's searching the streets and I am in close contact with the Tokyo police departement. That's all we can do right now, Elza-chan. But don't think that it's less you are doing." Setsuna looked directly into blue eyes, saw the dark rings there.

"But during the..."

"Maybe it didn't help, yet, but we have to be patient. I am pretty sure that we will find her. Or that she'll come back from all alone." Setsuna smiled sadly and took Elza's hand as she pushed the pram again forward. "Haruka can't live without her daughter."

Elza nodded silently.

She wanted so badly to believe in Setsuna's words. So badly. However, sometimes even she did fail.

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She stood in front of the shop's window, looking longingly at the cradle behind the class, but she didn't see the furniture. Instead, she saw a picture in her mind: the picture of a little girl, laughing happily at her. Lying in her arms and drinking her milk. Sleeping in a cradle like this one in front of her, holding her plush dolphin tightly in her tiny hands.

_Hime-chan..._

Deep green eyes sparkled as a gloved hand touched the glass.

_Hime-chan..._

Determinedly, the girl forced herself to turn away. With shaking hands she picked up the paper bags she had been carrying until she had seen the window and hurried down the slippery streets of Tokyo. Soon, snow had covered her footprints, left no trace behind that she had really been there, in front of the shop for baby clothes and furniture.

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**Author's corner**

This time, Haruka isn't very much involved in the story. I wanted to show Michiru's fruitless search from her point of view, as well as Setsuna and Elza trying to handle the difficult situation. However, you'll read more about the blonde and the way she has spent the last weeks without her beloved daughter during the next update (probably by the end of the next week).

Thanks again for your great reviews _grin_.

Next update:

Christmas finally arrives. Without Haruka. While Setsuna and Elza prepare for a sad celebration, Michiru takes Hotaru on one last quest for the blonde, visiting a restaurant when the snow storm increases to get warm again and to decide what she should do over the holidays.


	16. Chapter 6: Come home 2

Elza danced through the whole kitchen, preparing a delicious meal

Elza danced through the kitchen, preparing a delicious meal - and a delicious meal meant a lot of ketchup for her, the same it meant no meat. Therefore, she was making spaghetti. You could hardly burn them; they could only get too soft. After the exciting cooking, you simply put ketchup over them, as well as a lot of cheese. The most perfect dinner: easy to make, delicious to eat.

Michiru was still out. Elza didn't know whether she was at the opera, getting everything ready for her big concert the coming weekend or if she was looking for Haruka in one of the big apartment houses where she hadn't looked before. Christmas was officially scheduled to be held in one week and the nearer that festival moved, the more busy Michiru seemed to get: of course her conductor had begged her several times very pleadingly to give some Christmas concerts, and some really important music managers Elza had no clue how stubborn they could be even asked her to play together with her parents, however, she only decided to give that big concert for Tokyo's homeless people and one big concert together with her parents. The homeless concert would take place during the coming weekend, the Christmas concert on Christmas Day.

_They'll be sad concerts if we won't be able to have found Haruka until then._

Elza sighed silently and looked up as Setsuna entered the kitchen. She had been working in her computer room and looked exhausted. Sometimes Elza wondered how Setsuna could manage all this: while taking care of her little sister and especially Hime-chan, she often prepared their meals when Elza had training and Michiru was at the opera or somewhere else. Setsuna went to bed when they were already fast asleep only to wake up in the middle of the night to feed little Hotaru when it was her turn, and then she was up again before Elza or Michiru had even opened their eyes sleepily to curse their alarm clocks to prepare their breakfast. Setsuna also searched for Haruka, as well, in her own way and always stayed in close contact with her parents and the police. And somewhere in between all that chaos she was working for a computer firm.

_I wish I could help her more..._

Elza watched Setsuna rubbing her redden eyes tiredly and glancing curiously into the pots.

"Ah! Spaghetti!" she smiled and gave Elza a short kiss on her cheek. Then she sat down at the already set table, not knowing whether her little sister would join them this evening or if they had to put her meal into the fridge again.

"Hey, don't complain," grinned Elza who had heard her girlfriend's teasing undertone. "You've always eaten pasta in the past!"

"Of course. I eat everything you prepare." Setsuna was suddenly reminded of the grand fiasco when Elza had tried making stew only the last week last week and added quickly: "Almost everything." She yawned slightly and frowned as she saw the CD lying on the table.

"What's this?"

"Oh, it's Michi's new CD. You know, the one she recorded with the orchestra last month. It came with the mail today and I put it on her place so that she can listen to it when she comes home," explained Elza and decided that the pasta was ready to be eaten. Her stomach growled silently and consequently she put the food quickly on the table. Soon two dishes were filled with white and red hills, but Setsuna didn't start to wolf down her meal in the same animalistic way as Elza. She only stared at the CD, being reminded of all the discussions she had with Michiru about it.

It's only a normal compact disc. No one who looks at it, no one who listens to it really knows what stands behind it. While it was recorded, a little girl almost died. Her mother ran away. Michiru almost went insane. We all felt so much pain…

Setsuna turned the CD over and over in her hand and finally rose.

She only did it for the children. To lure more people into buy the CD and therefore donating money for them, because she's a Meioh. Our parents are famous. And Michi's well known in the world of music, as well.

The young woman knelt down in front of the CD player and put the CD into it. At first, there was classic music to be heard. Which was logical, because it was a classic CD recorded by a classical orchestra, after all. They played something of Beethoven and something of Bach. Setsuna wasn't very familiar with older music originated outside of Japan; she didn't know the titles. Yet they seemed to be very popular, because she could hum the melody.

"Don't you want to eat something, Sissy?" Elza had stood up and followed her. Automatically, she bowed and put the plush dolphin back into Hotaru's arms who was sleeping deep and tight in her cradle. Orpheus laid next to her and only looked sleepily at Elza. There was no sausage on the table, no need to get excited and to leave his nice warm place near the couch.

"One moment..."

"You can listen to it later, Sissy." Elza begged, but stopped as she heard Michiru's voice coming out of the CD player. It was not the first time that Michiru had recorded a CD, but it was for the first time that Michiru had actually found the courage to sing a song. She had a nice voice. A very sad voice as Elza realized. She was playing her violin very slowly and singing very softly along to it.

_"Every finger in the room is pointing at me._

_I wanna spit in all their faces_

_Then I get afraid of what that could bring._

_I got a bowling ball in my stomach_

_Got a desert in my mouth_

_Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now."_

Elza frowned and looked over to Setsuna who listened intently at the lyrics. Her face was as confused as Elza felt. It wasn't a song they knew, or at least Elza who was more up to date with pop music; instead it seemed to be a completely new song. If Michiru had told them that she would sing and not only play her violin, they would have expected her to sing a classical song, maybe one out of a famous opera, the way Aiko normally did. However, they wouldn't have expected her to sing such a song.

Not such a melody.

Not such lyrics.

_"I've been lookin' for a saviour in these dirty streets_

_Lookin' for a saviour beneath these dirty sheets._

_I've been raising up my hands_

_Drive another nail in..._

Just what God needs

_One more victim..."_

"Nani?"

Elza knelt down next to Setsuna and turned the music at full volume. Hotaru made a disturbed face, but didn't wake up.

_"Why do we crucify ourselves?_

_Everyday._

_I crucify myself._

_Nothing I do is good enough for you._

_Crucify myself._

_Everyday._

_I crucify myself._

_My heart is sick of being_

_I said, my heart is sick of bein' in_

_Chains"_

Setsuna opened the booklet and searched for the lyrics. For the rest of the song she stared at them, suddenly understanding the meaning of that song and why Michiru had chosen it and not a classical aria. The young woman bit on her lower lip, but couldn't hinder that tears sparkled in her dark eyes.

Damned!

_"Lookin' for a saviour in these dirty streets._

_Lookin' for a saviour beneath these dirty sheets._

_I've been raising up my hands_

_Drive another nail in..._

_Where're those angels_

_When you need them...?"_

Without uttering another word, because she didn't know what to say, she handled the booklet to Elza as the last refrain was sung and died slowly away. The red haired girl gulped and paled visibly.

_"Why do we crucify ourselves?_

_Everyday._

_I crucify myself._

_Nothing I do is good enough for you._

_Crucify myself._

_Everyday._

_I crucify myself._

_My heart is sick of bein'_

I said, my heart is sick of bein' in

_Chains..."_

Elza wince as Setsuna switched off the CD player at the middle of the next music piece. It was again a classical one. Michiru's song obviously was the only exception to an otherwise completely normal orchestra CD.

"There's a lot we don't know, huh?" she suggested in a husky voice, still staring at the booklet in her slightly shaking hands.

"But there's a lot Michi knows." whispered Setsuna, crossing her arms before her chest. It was a protective gesture. Forgotten was their dinner which was slowly getting cold in the kitchen. "Guess that's why Michi searches her so hard..."

Elza nodded, folding the booklet and putting it finally away.

Hai, we have to find her. Soon.

**Crucify...**

**Music by Meioh Michiru.**

**Lyrics by Tenô Haruka.**

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"Hello, Miss, please wait. It looks like you've lost something."

It was late in the evening, nevertheless Taromoto, a young police man, was in high spirits. The weather looked like more snow, but that meant that there would be a white Christmas this year. He was off duty during the holidays and wanted to make a huge snow man with his beloved little nephew, a cute little boy of nearly two years. Yes, next week Christmas would finally begin; his most favourite season, because it was the time of the year to see his entire family again: his sister and brothers, his parents. He couldn't wait to see all of them again and no matter what would happen during the coming week, it wouldn't change his mood. His colleague groaned often when he had to grin and to buy some more gifts during lunch break, but he didn't argue any longer about who was on duty of making the coffee in the office and who had to go out into the bitter cold to give some tickets to some stupid guys who didn't even care to park their expensive cars on the right parking space when the ground was so dangerously slippery.

Now Taromoto was running behind a girl who was wearing two big paper bags and had lost a small package of sugar when she was passing his car. Certainly, she had bought all the delicious ingredients for making cookies. With a lot of cinnamon. Probably the same way his youngest sister always made. Simply mouth-watering those cookies!

"You've lost your sugar, Miss."

Finally she turned around and looked at him with her dark green eyes. Her cheeks were redden, certainly from the rough wind, but her face was very pale. Maybe she had been so unlucky to catch a cold. Many people were sick in his police department and he wondered why he had been so lucky this year that he didn't even have to sneeze a little bit.

"Arigato." She put the sugar back into one of the bags and wanted to turn away. Wind howled through the street, played with some strands that had escaped her cap. Blonde strands.

Nani?

He frowned and suddenly saw a similar picture before his inner eye. A picture he had seen merely some days ago. There had been a similar girl on that picture. Blonde hair, green eyes, the same height. Well, you couldn't see much under the thick jacket, but she surely was thin by the way her face looked. The girl on the picture had smiled and played with a big dog. That was why he remembered that picture so well. His bigger brother had a dog himself which looked the same like the one on the photo. The girl standing in front of him didn't smile.

"Wait for a moment please, Miss." He said and went back to his car without letting her out of his eyes. He could see her holding her bags tighter. Obviously, she felt uncomfortable.

"What's up, Taro?" asked his colleague and old friend as he opened the car's door and bowed over to the small computer.

"Just let me take a look at that girl again. You know, the missing one whose older sister or friend is searching so desperately for."

"The one with the dog?"

"Hai."

For a minute, only the sound of the harddrive working and the wind howling could be heard. Finally, the photo appeared on the small monitor. Taromoto quickly turned away from the girl and looked at the photo again.

No doubt. That's her!

"Miss? Are you Tenô Haruka?" As he looked up again to talk to the girl and to take her to his department, the girl was gone. The place where she had stood only some seconds before was empty. Only some traces in the snow showed Taromoto that she had been really there.

Nani?

The young police man raised his hat to scratch his forehead. He looked around, frowning deeply, but all he could see were empty streets and snow flakes swirling through the air.

I didn't hear her running away.

He went into the warm police car and gave his partner a signal. Slowly, they drove through the inner city of Tokyo. Although they passed more often than necessary through the streets of this district, they didn't see the girl with the two paper bags again.

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"You look exhausted. Are you tired?"

Elza stepped through Setsuna's sleeping room and knelt down behind the young woman who sat on the big bed. Normally, Setsuna was able to keep her rooms in order, well, at least better than Elza. Today, however, the floor was covered with clothes. This evening, Michiru would give her big concert at the opera house and Setsuna wanted to come and see her little sister play. Elza had instantly offered to stay at home to baby sit little Hotaru. The red haired girl had only smiled at Setsuna's protests and had told her determinedly that she didn't like classical music that much and that she would surely fall asleep and embarrass the entire family. Setsuna smiled tiredly at her, but didn't argue any longer. She was thankful, because she wanted to see her sister play, just like her parents wanted to see their daughter play.

"A little bit," admitted Setsuna. Right now she was wearing her dark green evening dress and had put her hair up in a complicate looking hairdo. She looked really beautiful and Elza would have rather grabbed her and dragged her into her bed, but she knew that her desire had to wait. Until some when later that evening. The way Setsuna looked, a lot later.

"Please, try not to snore too loud, okay?" giggled Elza and gently started to massage Setsuna's shoulders. The young woman groaned in agreement and closed her burning eyes.

"Okay," she whispered and smiled as she felt Elza's soft lips on her own after some really nice moments when the smaller girl had massaged her aching muscles.

"Sissy? I can't find my violin!" The door was pushed open without a knock and Michiru came crashing in the room. Her hair surely had been brushed, but now it looked messed. She already wore her dark blue evening dress, but she was still barefoot. A thick music book flew through the air as Michiru waved excitedly her arms, although she had never played with sheets of music on a stage. She was too good to need any.

"I've put it on the table only ten minutes ago and now it's gone. Simply like that!" Michiru was almost bursting into tears as she spun around and stumbled out of the room. "Please, Sissy, Elza, you need to help me find it!" came Michiru's tearful voice from the corridor. Only seconds after Michiru's desperate outburst they heard a bang and Orpheus' surprised whimper.

"Her violin? That brown instrument she uses to play?" asked Elza, still staring with big eyes at the door.

"Hai."

"That's still lying on the kitchen's table. I've seen it there maybe five minutes ago."

"I am pretty sure she's only searched in the living room."

"That could be a point."

Both couldn't look away from the door, both couldn't move. Elza still held Setsuna tight while the younger woman frowned deeply. They heard another bang and now Orpheus was barking.

"I pray for us all that Haruka comes back soon."

"Hai."

"Michiru didn't even notice that we kissed."

"Guess she had, but guess she has more important things working in her mind right now."

"You didn't tell her that we're a couple now, did you?"

"When, Elza-chan? When?!"

"You're right."

Another bang and now Hotaru's terrified crying accompanied Orpheus enthusiastic barking.

"Guess we should get up and help her."

"Hai."

"Before she destroys the whole house."

At that moment the telephone started to ring and made the chaos perfect.

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Today is Christmas Eve.

Michiru walked through the crowded streets of Tokyo. People were hurrying by, but the young violinist didn't even notice them. Carefully, she pushed the pram over the slippery ground and tried to ignore the pain in her heart. She tried it in vain. Today was the festival of love. Her parents would come, just like Elza would be there, as well. Everyone would be happy. Only Michiru would be sad, knowing that she was the only one of her family who had to be alone. Okay, the others were there, as well. Certainly that was nice, they were her family. But it wasn't the same. It just wasn't the same.

Hotaru giggled as she tried to catch some more snow flakes. It was noon and Michiru decided to go for a walk with her. However, she didn't want to go into a park or at the beach. The silence, the peace would have driven her crazy. Here in the inner city of Tokyo much more was going on, distracting her from her dark thoughts, even if it was only for a small hour in a huge twenty-four hour day. Yes, Michiru was surrounded by strangers who were in an awful hurry to buy their last Christmas presents, but here in the crowd she didn't feel so alone. Here she didn't have to stare at an empty bed all the time. Here she didn't have to look again and again at pictures of a laughing blonde, holding her daughter proudly in her arms. Here she didn't have to read Haruka's goodbye letter, containing those sad lyrics, again and again, wondering why she let all this happen. Why she didn't see it coming. Why the hell she hadn't told Haruka all her feelings earlier and asked her to stay with her. Together with her daughter...

Setsuna had a meeting with her computer firm, but assured them more than once with a slightly annoyed expression on her face that she would be back on time while Elza helped the Meioh parents to decorate the living room and to take care of the Christmas dinner: goose for the elderly persons and some vegetable especially for the red haired girl. Michiru didn't know if she would be able to eat something later on; if she could open her gifts and sing some Christmas carols with her parents without breaking out into tears. Knowing that one gift wouldn't be opened, that one place at the table would have to stay empty.

_Today is Christmas Eve._

_And I am feeling like the end of the world has arrived..._

Michiru sighed deeply and pushed the pram forcefully over a small hill of snow. She slipped and almost fell down, but she could hold her balance at the last minute. Slightly, she cursed under her breath and leaned against a wall to close her eyes for a moment. She felt exhausted and empty. The concert for the homeless people had been a great success. Yet, it had cost her a lot of nerves and everything seemed to have gone wrong until she finally stood on the stage and gave an excellent show. The music managers had earned even more money than they had expected and Michiru had the feeling that she had done at least something good this Christmas. Even if it was nothing more than a drop on a hot stone, someone had to make a start and to help.

I am feeling so damn tired...

Michiru couldn't remember the last time she had slept. When she really slept an entire night straight through. No, it wasn't Hotaru's fault. Right, the little girl cried a lot, especially during the night. However, Michiru was sure that even without the little girl's interruptions she wouldn't have been able to get more than two or three hours of sleep in one go, because too many nightmares were haunting her down. Nightmares where she saw Haruka, lying dead in a dark street, being murdered by a beggar. Certainly, it had been a good idea of Setsuna to ask the police to search for Haruka, as well, but Michiru had almost died of a heart attack when she answered the phone and a police officer named Taromoto answered her. Her first thought had been that they had found the body of a blonde girl and Michiru had to identify her. It took Setsuna a long time to calm her down and to explain her why this officer called her and that it was his job to help them.

So damn tired...

Michiru yawned and tried to go back to the parking space to drive home and to get a short nap before Setsuna would return home, but suddenly the world spun around her and she reeled over the pavement. The pram stumbled over some more snow hills and she almost lost control over it. Darkness waited at the rim of her eyes as she held desperately on to the pram and could barely prevent it from rolling right onto the icy street where the cars passing by had their own problems with steering.

Hime-chan...

Michiru's heart raced and she gasped for breath, but the little girl only laughed and waved her little dolphin. Not knowing that she had been in danger only some seconds before.

Hime-chan...

Michiru's blue eyes sparkled and she scolded herself for being so stupid. When had she last slept properly? When had she eaten her last warm meal? The young violinist couldn't remember. It seemed to have been an eternity ago. No, she wouldn't help anyone by falling ill. Hotaru needed her, and if she wanted to find Haruka she had to think of something else. Driving all night long through the abandoned streets of Tokyo obviously couldn't bring her Ruka back, no matter how hard she had tried to find her during the past four weeks, therefore, this strategy obviously wouldn't be any more successful in the future. She had to become sober again, sober from all that mourning and self-pity!

That's so easy to say...

Michiru took a deep breath and looked around. Right now, she was in one of the quieter areas of Tokyo. Still there were a lot of people passing by, but most of them were on their way home. No one stopped, most of the shops here were already closed.

I need to sit down. I can't go to the parking space, I can't drive the car in this state of body. I would harm Hime-chan in making silly mistakes and maybe even causing an accident.

For a moment she thought of calling her parents up, but then she decided against this drastic action. Everybody was already concerned enough, she didn't want to shock them.

There was a small Italian restaurant at the corner. It looked nice from the outside and Michiru decided that it was time for a small snack. Certainly after a hot tea and something to eat she would feel better. Maybe they even had something for Hotaru to eat. Some baby mash or some milk.

Only an hour, then I will feel better.

"What do you think, Hime-chan? Looks perfect for us, doesn't it?"

Hotaru laughed happily and Michiru had to smile sadly as she bowed over her goddaughter to stroke over redden cheeks.

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Lucini, a well-fed man around the age of forty, liked his restaurant. It was an Italian restaurant where he offered meals just the way his dear grandmother had always made back home in Italy. When he had been young, he went off to see the world and fell in love with this nice country surrounded by the wild sea. Just a little bit like his home country. Therefore, he stayed and opened a restaurant. The people here liked it, mostly the restaurant was full with happy, laughing people. Today, however, the big rooms were almost empty. It was Christmas Eve and everyone would eat at home. Normally, he could have closed his restaurant, but Lucini was a hard working man. He only closed his restaurant every Tuesday to clean it and on holidays. The first official holiday of Christmas was tomorrow and therefore he wouldn't close his restaurant before midnight. However, he had already sent home most of his workers so that they could celebrate Christmas at home with their families. Right now only one waiter was left beside him. Well, those people who would come in here today certainly didn't want something special. Lucini was a good chef for Italian food, but he had to admit that he would fail to make a Japanese sushi, even after twenty years of having lived in Tokyo.

"You, lad?" He slowly entered the kitchen and looked at the new waiter he employed last months, frowning deeply. The young man was sitting there and reading a thick book in deep concentration, as he always did when there was little work to do. Normally, Lucini didn't like books and he didn't like people who did something else beside work, but normally the young man did what you told him and today there wasn't really anything else to do: the dishes were already washed, the table were cleaned and the room was swept.

"Where's Antonio?" he asked, twice, because the young man first didn't seem to have heard him.

"His wife called him up. His little boy is ill and they need to see a doctor."

"I hope it's nothing dangerous."

"No, just the flu."

"And you took his hours instead? I thought I'd sent you home an hour ago."

"Well... hai."

"Okay." Lucini looked around and shrugged his shoulders. "There are not many guests out there, we'll be able to handle this restaurant alone, right?" He smiled, feeling a little bit uncomfortable. The young man was a good worker, he did what you told him and never complained. He muttered not even the slightest word when Lucini forgot to buy enough eggs and sugar and sent the young man to the next supermarket to get the missing ingredients. When the young man had to walk at least half an hour through the icy snow storm outside. Yet, nevertheless there was something about him that made Lucini shiver: his calmness, his indifference when a customer was rude to the sweeping boy, his reactions whenever anyone tried to ask him about his family. Today was Christmas, all of Lucini's workers wanted to go home at least a little bit earlier to celebrate this festival together with their families. This young man, however, didn't look like he actually wanted to go home. Maybe there was no family waiting for him?

Lucini frowned, but knew better than asking any questions. He knew that they wouldn't be answered, anyway.

The little bell above the door rang and he went back to the main room of his restaurant to welcome his second customer this day.

Haruka watched him for a moment. Then she lowered her head again and tried to understand the complicate book she decided to read right now. It had something to do with Japanese history and she tried to remember all the things her history teacher had told her about the tall samurei during the few months she had been allowed to go to school again. One day she wanted to go back to school, to graduate successfully and to be able to find another job, a better job than sweeping the floors of a restaurant and doing the little jobs a cook or a waiter would never do. Oh, she tried to get registered at one of those evening schools, but right now they were all full. The next entrance exams were scheduled for February and if she was good enough during those difficult test, maybe they would take her even during a running school year. She didn't want to wait until summer to go to school again. For those exams she had to be good, no, she had to be the best. Therefore, she was learning as much as she could, whenever she could. Her boss, Lucini-san, was very nice and understanding. He was never angry when there was nothing to do and she decided to sit down in a quiet corner of the kitchen to open a book. Sometimes she read one about biology, sometimes about Japanese history, grammar or literature, sometimes about mathematics.

Hai, Lucini-san was a very nice boss. It was by chance that Haruka came to his restaurant. It had been slippery outside and one of his waiters fell down with all the fresh tomatoes and the cheese and broke his right leg. The blonde had been there and helped to bring in the vegetable and took care of the unhappy man until the ambulance arrived. At the same afternoon, Lucini had asked her if she needed a job, because she had helped so quickly without expecting anything in return and this way she got a job. It was not the best job, but the colleagues were nice, she had one meal free per day - the way Lucini cooked it was enough for her to last all day - and she could pay her small flat with it.

I get along with it. In February I'll start school and then I'll show Michiru that I don't need her money. That I don't need her faked sympathy. I am able to get my life under control again without her feigned help!

Haruka chewed on the pencil she was holding in her hand and sighed deeply. For one moment she closed her eyes and fought against her inner feelings. Hell, it was Christmas! The festival of love.

Hime-chan's first Christmas...

And she wasn't there for her daughter. Instead, she sat here, in a small restaurant somewhere in the inner city of Tokyo and stared into a history book!

- Haruka did a lot of mistakes. She got pregnant at a very young age. She couldn't take care of Hotaru the way she should have. The way she finally could do here. -

Again she heard Michiru's merciless voice in her mind. The way she had heard it so often during the past weeks. Whenever she was alone in her small flat, staring at the ceiling half of the night, not being able to find sleep or even a little peace of mind.

I couldn't take care of Hime-chan. I've been a bad mother, Michiru was right. So damn right! _Without her help Hime-chan would have died long before I could have earned enough money to go to a good doctor. Without her help, Hime-chan would have never got a new heart, because she would have been on the bottom of the donation list. _

Without Michiru breaking into the hospital room and finding out that Hotaru belonged to the outer senshi, Haruka would have killed the little girl.

There had been a twenty percent chance and I switched off the machines!

Haruka chewed harder on the pencil and put it finally away. She didn't even notice that it broke in two halves in her clenched fist.

I did so much wrong. So much...

However, she believed that she could only visit Hotaru again when she had proven that she was worthy to be Hotaru's mother - and to be worthy meant for her to be able to take care of herself. Hell, when she wasn't even able to take care of herself, how should she ever be able to take care of her daughter, as well?

Hime-chan...

Haruka gulped and turned the page, fighting against the tears burning in her eyes. She missed her daughter so much. Her little sunshine who had saved her life for so many times. Each time when Haruka wanted to give up, when she doubted herself and life in general, Hotaru had laughed and showed her that there was still a good reason to live, to hope, to be happy, even if it was only for a short moment.

No, she couldn't imagine her life without her Hime-chan. Almost every night she woke up, looking around in shock with big eyes, because she didn't hear her daughter breathe. More than once she ran through the entire flat, trying to get to the phone and to call the ambulance... until she remembered that little Hotaru wasn't around. That she was still with Michiru and that she was certainly happier there than she could have ever been in the small room. No, Haruka couldn't take care of her properly. Lucini-san was very nice, but surely even his understanding would end were she to bring a little baby to his restaurant and to baby sit her while she had to work. Haruka didn't earn enough to pay a nursemaid.

Hime-chan...

Haruka didn't want this day to end. She didn't want to leave the restaurant. She didn't want to sit in her small flat, staring at the emptiness in it. Yet she knew that she had no other choice. Yes, more than once she had considered to go back. To walk along the beach to that big house and to ring the door bell. To ask for Hotaru. She wanted so badly to see her, to hold her. On the other hand, however, she knew that she wouldn't be able to leave again once she would have held her daughter tightly in her arms. Therefore, she didn't go back to the house but tried to work as long as possible and to be occupied as long as Lucini-san had something to do for her.

I _can't go back._

Haruka turned the page again without understanding one word of the previous one, but the pictures were nice: of a brave man who had the strength to defeat an entire army in order to save his emperor.

_I am not brave. Not at all._

_I am coward who ran away. Again!_

Haruka shook her head, some strands of her blonde hair fell in her eyes and she stroked them away. Together with two tiny tears. She wanted so badly to go back, but the same time the voices in her head held her back. The memories of the conversation she had heard by chance between Michiru and her older sister.

They don't like me, they don't need me. They live better without me. Just like Hime-chan...

Haruka turned the page again and tried to focus again on the words. So many words, so meaningless syllables to her, but at the same time so important. She needed to remember them. All of them. For the test in February. She needed to get into that school to find a better job so that she could prove herself worthy to Michiru and Setsuna, that she was worthy to be Hotaru's mother. To show them that she didn't need their bloody money. Nor their damn sympathy.

Michi...

Haruka had hoped so much that Michiru would be different. Different from all the guys out there, the nurses in the hospitals, the doctors in their white coats looking critically down at her.

- _It's okay. -_

Did she mean it? Did Michi mean it the way she said it? Or has she been only an incredibly good actress?

Haruka didn't know. She didn't dare to go back and ask. Probably, the answer would have made her heart break even more. Hell, she fell in love with that sea goddess, but obviously Michiru didn't love her in return, otherwise she wouldn't have said all those things to Setsuna. Otherwise she wouldn't have went to a stupid rehearsal with her orchestra shortly after they had made love...

_Made love? We had sex, that's all. See it before it hurts even more._

_Even more?_

Haruka closed the book and took a deep, shaking breath. It was no use to sit here and cry over spilt milk. It was Christmas, that was right, and it was going to be the worst Christmas of her life. However, that was not Lucini-san's problem and it was surely not his customers' problem. She should try to act nicely and to think about her personal catastrophe later this day. Much later!

"Lad?"

Lucini came into the kitchen. He looked a little bit nervous. Certainly, someone had ordered traditional Japanese food and the second cook of the restaurant who was able to cook it had gone home several hours ago. Haruka raised her head and looked attentively up to him. It didn't matter to her whether he thought of her as a boy or a girl. _Lad_ was a much more nice name than _whore_ or _junkie_. Together with his warm, always a little bit giggling voice she simply accepted his misunderstanding. Probably it was even easier to work here when everyone thought of her as a boy. Certainly, the second cook would be shyer with his naughty jokes once he fond out that she was female, and she liked his jokes too much to miss them in the future. Sometimes they were the only thing she could laugh about for days.

"Hai, Lucini-san?"

"Do you know anything about children meals?" The Italian cook waved his hands to the ceiling and looked a little bit sad. "_Mama mia_, there's a guest out there with a little child and she wants something for her _bambino_ to eat. Antonia already went home and I have no idea what a little _bambino_ would eat?"

Haruka needed some moments to understand his strange Japanese and the little Italian words he could never hold back when he was excited, then she nodded. She knew that Lucini was married happily, but she also knew that his wife had never been blessed to give him any children. Therefore it was clear that he didn't know what a small child would eat. You couldn't give it a pizza, could you?

Haruka, on the other side, knew what a small child would eat. Damn, she knew it too well!

"How old is that child?"

"Oh, it's a very small _bambino_. Maybe half a year or so. The mother wanted some mash."

"Okay." Haruka rose and rummaged quickly in the kitchen. During the past weeks she got to know where everything was. Lucini-san knew that she couldn't cook very well, she wasn't employed as a cooker anyway, but for little tasks she was good enough. Tasks like preparing salad or preparing ice cream. She couldn't burn ice cream, could she?

"So you know what to do?"

"Hai."

"Lad, _gracias_!" Before she could react, he had grabbed her hand and shook it wildly. "You've saved my life!"

Haruka only smiled embarrassed, then she started to make the mash. An apple mash, just like the one Hotaru had liked so much. There had been times when no one bought that instant mash for her and she had to see how to get Hotaru full. Even a very small child couldn't drink milk for too long. Little Hotaru had loved that mash. With a little bit sugar and milk.

Hime-chan...

Haruka bit on her lower lip as she fought with the apple and the grater.

"Did you have little sisters and brothers that you know so much, lad?" asked Lucini who was always very curious. He turned around while he took care of the young woman's meal, but all he could see was Haruka's back. Sometimes he wished to know more about this employer, but he couldn't force him. That would have been impolite. Italian people were outgoing, that was right, but they were also very polite. At least his grandmother had always told him that lesson, and he would never dare to call her a liar.

"Kinda," marbled Haruka and opened the sugar box. The following minutes they worked in silence until Haruka's mash was finished.

"Here. I hope it's okay this way."

Lucini looked at it, then he smiled.

"It looks good and smells good. As long as you didn't confuse salt with sugar, the little _bambino_ will surely like it." Quickly, he observed Haruka, then he nodded. Her clothes were clean, her hair brushed. "Take that apron over there on the wall and take the mash out. I need some more moments with the spaghetti."

Haruka stared at the apron with the big pizza and Lucini's name written all over it, then she shrugged her shoulders. It was Christmas, no one would be rude to her today. At least not when Lucini-san was in such a good mood. She took the apron and the mash and frowned deeply.

"What are you doing, Lucini-san?" she asked and watched how he put mustard over the spaghetti. A lot of mustard, instead of tomato sauce.

"I am just trying a new receipt," joked the Italian cook and laughed. Then he became serious again and looked a little bit helpless. "Our guest is our king, isn't he?" That was another lesson his grandmother had told him. She had indeed been a very wise woman. "We don't ask much if our guests wants spaghetti in mustard sauce. We only prepare it and serve it so that our guests is happy."

Mustard sauce?

Haruka frowned. She knew someone who loved it to eat everything with mustard. Literally everything, even cake. That had been the day when Setsuna had almost freaked out and wanted to throw all of their mustard away. It had been a real effort for her to make such a delicious cake and all Michiru did was to put mustard on it. The same way Elza asked if the eggs of that cake had belonged to happy chicken, bringing Setsuna close to the edge of insanity. Haruka could remember that scene too well. She had laughed out loud, although she hadn't wanted to upset Setsuna even more. However, the young woman hadn't been angry with her, instead she had to look at her crazy family and had to join in her laughter, as well.

Even the memory of that afternoon made Haruka smile as she entered the big room of the restaurant, holding the little bowl with the mash in her right hand. On a tray. Well, she was not born to be a waiter, but Antonio showed her some tricks and someone who only waited for his dinner and not for a five star menu would be satisfied with her serving him.

Haruka greeted an old lady who was always here at noon, taking always the same meal and the same tea and turned towards the table where she expected the young mother with the surely hungry... how did Lucini-san call it?... the little _bambino_.

The old lady stopped her tea in mid air as she heard the breaking of glass. She turned her head and saw that the young waiter had lost the balance of his tray, but instead of bowing and picking it up with some forgiving words on his lips, he only stared at the young woman sitting at the table. His green eyes grew wide and the old woman could see that the young woman became pale, as well. The old woman put down her tea and leaned back. This looked like a good entertainment in her normally so boring day.

Michiru?

Haruka didn't feel how the tray escaped her hands. She didn't hear the crash as the bowl shattered on the floor. She didn't see Lucini coming out of the kitchen, wiping his hands clear on his apron and cursing under his dark brown moustache. The blonde only stared at the sea goddess sitting at the table, looking with the same shocked expression in her eyes at her.

Hime-chan...

Haruka gulped and her whole body started to tremble as she saw the little girl sitting next to Michiru in her child's seat. Playing with her plush dolphin. Smiling proudly at it.

Haruka?

Michiru raised her head in surprise as she heard the crash of smashing class. For a moment she stared at the blonde, standing next to her table. For a short second Michiru asked herself if she was seeing ghosts. If it was the lack of sleep that she saw Haruka here. Wearing the restaurant's apron. Looking with big, green eyes down at her.

I've searched for her everywhere and she is here? Here?!

Michiru blinked, still not being able to judge whether this was reality or just a dream. Did she fall asleep while she had waited for her lunch? Did she wish so much to find Haruka before Christmas that her mind punished her now with horrible illusions?

"Michi?" This one word, spoken by a terribly hoarse voice was enough for her to decide that the tall blonde in front of her could be real. Well, and if she wasn't, what could she lose? Her sanity? Didn't she lose that a long time ago?

Michiru didn't think any longer. Quickly she rose from the table and embraced the tall girl before Haruka even had the slightest chance to react. The smaller girl squeezed her so hard that Haruka had some difficulties to breathe normally.

"Shimatta! Where have you been, you baka?" Michiru loosened the embracement for a moment and looked deeply into still widened green eyes. Haruka didn't seem to be able to answer. She only stared at her. Speechless, motionless. "I was concerned like crazy!"

Michiru was reminded of all the hours she had spent on the street, searching for the blonde. She was reminded of all the nights during which she had tried to calm a crying Hotaru down who only missed her mother. Too well she was reminded of all the fears, of all the desperation, of all the sorrows they all went through during the past four weeks.

"You baka!"

Michiru raised her right hand and slapped Haruka on her left cheek.

"Do you have any idea what you did to us? What you did to Hime-chan? To run away like that!" Before Haruka could touch her burning cheek, she gasped for breath again, because Michiru's desperately strong arms held her even tighter than before. The smaller girl trembled and tears ran over a pale face.

"I was so damn concerned, Ruka! I feared to never see you again! I've searched everywhere in Tokyo. Everywhere! Over and over and over again, but there was no trace of you!" sobbed Michiru and it looked like she would never let go again. Never.

_She was searching for me?_

_She?!_

Haruka frowned, staring silently down at Michiru, then at little Hotaru still playing with her dolphin, and back again at the sobbing girl holding tightly to her body.

Nani...?

"Not even the police was able to find you. No one on the streets knew you. You seemed to have disappeared. Hell, Ruka! I was out of my mind!"

The police searched me because of Michiru?

Haruka frowned, slightly remembering a nice police officer who had asked her to wait for only a moment, but she had only grabbed the bags with the sugar and other ingredients for Lucini-san and had hurried away. There were still some unsolved crimes out there she had committed two years ago. She didn't want to go into prison because of them and so she didn't trust any police men. Yes, she had done a lot of mistakes during that special year, but she had suffered enough for them.

"Damned, Ruka! Why did you do that? Why did you ran away?!" Michiru wasn't noticing the Italian cook standing there, staring them, his mouth wide open. Like the old woman did whose tea went cold, unnoticed.

"Why?"

Haruka's face hardened as she looked into tear filled eyes.

_Is that one of her tricks? Is she really such a good actress?_

_Why did she look for me, then?_

_Why is she crying, now?_

_Tactics?_

_Shut up!_

"Because you don't want me. You told Setsuna that you wanted to keep Hotaru, because she's that fourth senshi, but that you didn't want me," answered Haruka finally and looked away, still feeling soft arms around her body. Now they disappeared, let her breathe again.

"Nani?"

What kind of nonsense is that?

Michiru shook her head, but one look into Haruka's tortured face made it clear to her that the blonde indeed meant her words. Worse, that she even believed in them.

"I am not blind, Michiru. You need Hotaru for your mission, but you don't need me. So why to keep me? I have no money, no education, no job. I can't transform, I can't even cook! I am not a senshi, I am a bad housekeeper and a damn bad mother." Haruka stepped backwards and wanted to turn away. "I am sure that you like Hotaru a lot. She feels safe with you. But you don't have to take a burden like me just because you think you have to. I don't need your sympathy!"

That young woman had been right!

Michiru gulped as she heard the blonde's cruel words. Words she had hoped Haruka wouldn't think.

She was a total stranger, didn't know Ruka nor me, but she was right! Because of my stupidity not telling Haruka all those things she couldn't believe in by herself. Not any longer...

Michiru's hands shot out and grabbed Haruka's arm.

"That's not right," she whispered, blinking away some tears from her watering eyes. "That's not true, Ruka!"

"Not? Would the first time." Haruka's voice was cold, but her eyes sparkled, as well.

"No, it's not! Don't you see that we all need you, Ruka? As a friend, as a family member and as a mother? Sissy and Elza are concerned like hell and Hime-chan cries half of the night without a real reason. She misses you. We all miss you!" Michiru's hands hurt, but she wouldn't let go. Once she had let go and the following weeks had been the worst of her life. Worse than those hours in her childhood, worse than her rude father, her always drunken mother. Worse than the time she had spent near a train station until she crashed into young Setsuna and her family who helped. Who gave her a home. Who gave her a family.

Those days Michiru had tried to escape two people who had never liked her. Even if it had been on the cold street that summer, everything had looked more promising: better than a shouting father, better than a reeling mother.

These days Michiru had almost lost a loved person. That was worse. Much worse!

"We need you, Ruka. We all need you."

"No one needs someone like me," replied Haruka. Her answer came so instantly that Michiru realized that the blonde had thought about this topic quite often before. Maybe too often, believing the lies some people probably had told her. Maybe it was easier to believe in those lies than to fight for reality...

"I do, Ruka. I do, because I love you." More tears rolled over Michiru's face and she pushed Haruka back to the table. There was a really shocked expression on Haruka's face. An unbelieving one.

_That young woman had been so damn right!_

_How could Ruka know? I've never confessed my feelings to her. At least not in words, aloud._

"I really love you, Ruka. I want you to come back with me. I want you to live with me, together with your daughter. Please, Ruka, don't go again. Please. It doesn't matter to me whether you are that senshi or not, it doesn't matter to me what you did in the past, just come back. Please." Michiru sobbed again. Certainly, no one at school would have expected her to be able to beg like this. For them she was the noble, distant, a little bit arrogant rich girl of famous parents. For them she was a princess, never needing to ask for something when she could demand for it. However, they all weren't important to her. Not, not them. But Haruka was.

"Please, Ruka... don't leave us again..."

Nani?

Haruka needed some moments to understand Michiru's words. Speechlessly, she stared at Hotaru who seemed to have noticed her right now and stretched her little arms towards her. Michiru embraced her again and Haruka only hesitated only for a moment, then she put her arms around the sobbing girl and held her tight in return, burying her face in sea green curls.

"You mean it, do you? If not, tell me now. I... I am not able to lose my family for a second time."

"Of course I mean it."

Lucini watched them for some more minutes in silence. Then he blew into his handkerchief and put it away. This was exactly how he expected Christmas to be. The festival of love where all mistakes, all sins were forgiven. His grandmother had always made a big pot of noddles and celebrated with the entire family. Yes, those had been great times, back home, in the old days.

Lucini smiled happily and went back to the kitchen to do the greatest thing there was in life - besides kissing his wife of course - cooking pasta. Half an hour later he came back to the table. His youngest worker was sitting there, holding the baby tenderly in shaking arms. His eyes were redden, but there was such a happy smile on his face Lucini had never seen before. It warmed the Italian chef's heart. The young woman beside the two talked with a soft voice. She was smiling, as well.

"Merry Christmas, you two," laughed Lucini and put a big bowel on the table. "Merry Christmas."

dbdbdb

"Sissy should be home, soon."

Elza helped to set the big table in the living room. Setsuna's father was a well known pianist, but he always put the cutlery on the wrong places. Aiko stood in the kitchen, taking care of their Christmas dinner. The tree was already sparkling in all lights of the rainbow since Elza didn't want a silver or even grey looking tree, that was too boring for her. Some packages were already put under it and the red haired girl forced herself to look away. Otherwise, her curiosity would have been too big and she would have opened her gift before the time.

Elza's grandparents were still on a journey across the Pacific ocean and were very sorry that they couldn't be home in time, but for New Year they promised to be back in Japan. Elza wasn't that sorry. Of course she loved her grandparents, but she had spent so much time with Setsuna and her family, therefore it felt was natural for her to celebrate Christmas with them, as well.

"Just like Michi and Hime-chan."

Aiko came out of the kitchen, holding a spoon in her hand. Orpheus hadn't left her side all day. Patiently, he was staring at her hands, and especially the meat in her hands, hoping that something meaty would fall down for him. Aiko only laughed and wanted to say something as the front door was opened.

"Sissy?" Elza's shout could be heard through the entire house.

"No." That was Michiru's voice. For the first time since that very night it didn't sound tired, sad or even desperate. It sounded... happy. "It's us."

_It's us._

_US._

Elza pushed the last dish very hard on the table, jumped over the couch and was out of the room even before Orpheus could react. A wide grin appeared on the sportswoman's face as she saw the blonde standing there. Right beside Michiru. Haruka only had enough time to handle Hotaru to Michiru before she was knocked over by a crazy giggling Elza.

"You are worse than the dog," snickered Michiru. That sound was like music in Elza's ears. Like damn good music.

"Great to see you again, Haruka," laughed the red haired girl and helped the blonde up. "Welcome home."

dbdbdb

It was past eight in the evening when Setsuna came home. She was tired, but satisfied with the result of the meeting. They had accepted her programme, although she had no idea how she managed it to run fluently. The past nights when she worked on it were only a blurred vision in her mind.

Elza's right. I should get more sleep.

Carefully, she put down her laptop case and stretched her tired body. Of course the colleagues of her firm wanted to have a little Christmas party and it was impolite to go too early. Therefore, she stayed until half of the people were already gone and wished them all nice holidays and speeded home.

Mommy and dad are already here.

She had to smile as she saw the car in the drive. Her parents were very busy people and she was happy about every chance she got to meet them. To celebrate with them.

Hope they'll like my gift.

Setsuna yawned and slipped out of her shoes.

I wish Haruka could be here...

The young woman sighed and went over to the living room from where she could hear different voices. Michiru's car was in the drive, as well. Obviously she had seen that it was better to celebrate with her parents than spending all night long in the cold, searching abandoned streets.

At that moment she heard the laughter. Loud, happy laughter. Orpheus came out of the room and sat down in front of her to be petted. Certainly, he already had already received enough food from Aiko and they had to put him on a diet after the holidays.

_Laughter?_

_Happy laughter?_

_Here?_

Setsuna frowned and entered the living room with Orpheus in her wake, hoping that she would give him some more of that delicious smelling goose.

They were all sitting on the couch, looking into thick books. Family albums as Setsuna recognized after some moments, certainly showing some embarrassing pictures of Elza and Setsuna being small children or of Michiru playing her violin with closed eyes - and Orpheus trying to reach and to eat it. It took them some weeks to get him used to it. To let him understand that it didn't harm Michiru.

Haruka...

She was sitting there, as well. Right between Michiru and Aiko. Holding a sleeping Hotaru softly in her arms. Her cheeks were redden and her lips were curved in an amused smile as Aiko turned the page and they all burst out into laughter again.

"That's not so funny," protested a pouting Elza and tried to hide the picture with her hands. She blushed deeply and shrugged helplessly her shoulders. "I didn't know that the paint was water-soluble and that you couldn't get rid of it with simple water."

"Ha," giggled Michiru and grinned diabolically. "You resembled a clown all the week."

"And you had to take a photo of it! That was mean!"

"Just like your photo..." Michiru looked up and quietened. Then she smiled at her older sister. It was such a happy, such an honest smile, it was the best Christmas gift Setsuna could imagine of ever getting. "Hello, Sissy."

"Sissy?" Elza's head jerked around and the next moment she stood next to Setsuna and looked pleadingly up to her. "Help me, Sissy. They are mean. They are looking at my old photos!"

"Did they already see the one when you wanted to paper the guest room but took the wrong glue and ended up as a ball of wallpaper?"

"Oh, you aren't any better!"

"I've never said that!" Setsuna grinned and went over to the couch to sit down in front of it. "Hello mom and dad." She said, then she looked at Haruka in silence. The blonde didn't say a word, only glanced at her wearily. Finally, Setsuna smiled again and stroked over Hotaru's fluffy hair.

"It's good to have you here again, Haruka."

dbdbdb

Angry baby crying woke her up in the middle of the night. Haruka opened her eyes and yawned. She stared in the darkness, surprised. It was the first time that she heard her daughter scream like that in the dark of the night. The memory of an ill girl, whimpering whenever she was in pain still made her shiver, but those times were over. Now, Hotaru was healthy - and the way she sounded surely hungry.

"She's so loud," whispered Haruka happily and smiled as she felt two arms around her waist. Michiru yawned, as well, and didn't want to stand up yet. They went to bed late after midnight and the sea goddess looked really tired.

"She's crying every night. Hope you are prepared for your greedy daughter," she muttered and blinked as the light was switched on. The tall blonde watched her girlfriend for some moments, then she bowed down and kissed her tenderly.

"I am prepared, Michi-chan."

Haruka rose and went over to take her little princess in her arms. To live the dream she had dreamed for so many months...

"Now I am, Michi-chan. Now I am."

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**Author's corner:**

Sorry for the long wait, but we all have our lives outside the www and our stories (which is sometimes great and sometimes sad, because I love my stories). Here's finally the second part of the last chapter. However, there's still an epilogue to come as soon as I get to the last 5 pages.

The song "Crucify" by Tori Amos was actually the song who triggered the main idea for this story. A good friend gave it to me for birthday and I had to listen to it over and over and over again and suddenly the lyrics were Haruka's thoughts and feelings and I thought – what kind of story to write to make this song be real. Well, you've just read it grin.

About Setsuna's and Elza's reactions when Haruka came finally back: it's called forgiveness. And Haruka didn't transform into Sailor Uranus during the last chapter, as well, because I wanted Michiru to fall in love with her, because she's obviously head over heels and not because she feels obliged to because of the Sailor Senshi business or because of destiny. I wanted Haruka to have a second chance in life and to find people who love and need her, because of who she is and not what she is or what powers she has.

Next update

The epilogue to sum up the story.


	17. Epilogue: The strongest drug

Epilogue: The strongest drug

**Epilogue: The strongest drug**

"I can't believe it! You've dirtied my skirt with your bloody chocolate ice cream!"

"But..."

"MY skirt!"

"You are so mean... wah!!"

It was very loud at the race track. Right now the final race was taking place, the cars on the race track speeded up once more. This race was important. Today would decide whether the old champion would win again or whether he would be defeated for the first time in four years, by a newcomer who started the fast sport only one year ago and had managed to win every single race since then.

It was in the middle of summer, a very hot summer in Japan. Therefore, a lot of people ate ice cream and tried to find a shadowy place near the track. Two young women had the same idea walked through the rows of excited fans. Those fans were real fans. They were screaming, loudly. However, those two women were even louder.

"Why can't you take think of the other people around you? Only once? Why are you always so clumsy, Usagi?"

"Why are you always so mean to me, Rei?"

"I am not mean, I am honest."

"Wah!!"

Every race motor was silent in comparison to the crying of the younger woman. Her long, fair hair was bound into two plaids and almost touched the ground while she stumbled, still sobbing in a heart-breaking way. The other young woman was wearing a traditional priestess kimono which made her stand out in front of all the car fans. She only rolled her eyes and handled the blonde a handkerchief.

"Try to calm down, okay? I'm pretty sure that I can wash my skirt somehow to get it clean again. There're bound to be restrooms here, somewhere. Please, I didn't mean it that way. Stop crying, okay?" she pleaded and sighed deeply as the blonde blew her nose even louder. "What should Michiru think of us?"

"She'll think that you were mean again!"

"No, she'll be embarrassed that her future queen is a cry baby!"

"I am nooowahaaaaa!"

The priestess only rolled her eyes and went over to the person waving at them, smiling at them happily.

_Of course she's smiling. Her girlfriend will certainly win the race._

Rei turned her head and looked down at the cars racing along the track. It had been now three years that they met: at first as senshi and as opponents, later on as allies and finally as good friends. Together they had searched for the talismans and were able to find them - together. Although one of their senshi was still missing, no matter how hard Sailor Moon and her team searched for her in vain, they had still been able to unite the talismans, to create the grail and to rescue the earth. It was had been only last month when Sailor Moon finally gave up and declared sadly that Sailor Uranus had probably not been reborn with them and that it was senseless to search any longer for. Even Sailor Pluto, always sceptical and even after all their united battles still a little bit unsure about the future queen's decisions, agreed and consequently they all had silently decided to put away the topic _Third outer senshi_. They could defend the earth without her, therefore, there was no need to waste their time and energy any longer on that lost quest.

_We are enough senshi to protect this planet. Together we are strong._

Rei snickered as Usagi stumbled over her own skirt and almost fell down.

_Hai, we are crazy, but strong._

Quickly, she grabbed Usagi's right hand to hold her back from falling. The blonde lost her ice cream, but before she could protest, Michiru saw them and walked over to them.

"Hello Usagi, hello Rei. Nice that you could come." She smiled, always looking at the race track out of the corner of her eyes. She knew that this was her girlfriend's destiny: not transforming into Sailor Uranus, but sitting in a fast race car, literally flying over the hot asphalt. Michiru knew that her Ruka would beat them all, but still she couldn't completely ignore the fear inside her heart. No matter how good Haruka was, there was always the risk of an accident. A tragedy the blonde wouldn't cause, but could fall victim to.

Of course Haruka would stop racing instantly were Michiru to ask her to quit, but Michiru didn't want to. It was Haruka's greatest joy to sit inside such a fast car and to see her love happy was Michiru's greatest luck.

"Looks like she's winning."

"Hai." Michiru leaded the two women towards the box of her girlfriend's team. There were more cooling shadow and less screaming people. "Do you want something to drink?"

"That would be great!" Usagi's big, blue eyes looked greedy at the lemonade and Rei had to argue with her at the very instant.

"A queen shouldn't be that greedy."

"I am not greedy!"

"Sure you are."

"Wah..."

Michiru watched them in silence, trying not to giggle too obviously. She was very happy that they became friends after the first fights and the first arguments. Especially Setsuna hadn't been able to trust them. Not at all. However, their sceptical attitude towards the younger girls changed over the years. The same way like so much more did change.

Michiru turned away from the two arguing senshi and looked out to the race track, watching her Ruka racing like a wind goddess over the asphalt. Like the senshi she had never transformed into, although even Sailor Moon had believed to feel the wind in her presence.

It doesn't matter whether you are a senshi or not. You are my soul mate, love. That's all what matters to me.

Michiru smiled and waved her hands as the cars took the final lap. Still Haruka was in the ople position and it didn't look like her opponent, the former formula one champion, would overtake her during the last bending.

Yes, a lot had happened during the past years. They finished school and while Michiru studied music and gave a lot of concerts - mostly for ill children and homeless people - Haruka discovered her preferences in fast cars. The same way Hotaru discovered her love for water. The soon the little girl could walk, she always ran towards the swimming pool. Certainly, her love for the wet element had a lot to do with Michiru's influence. Now, she was almost four years old and the best swimmer in her family.

"Mommy!"

Michiru's smile widened as she turned around and went automatically on her knees. The next moment her arms were full with a lively girl. Shoulder long, dark hair surrounded a redden face as Michiru raised her daughter and swirled her through the air.

"That's great, mommy!" laughed the little girl and smiled with a brown mouth down at her. Certainly, she had just eaten another chocolate ice cream. No, Michiru wouldn't be angry with Hotaru's weak aunt who couldn't resist those pleading, green eyes. Hotaru was a real daredevil and she knew that she could achieve a lot with that innocent look and a pleading word.

For a brief moment Michiru saw a small baby before her, being pale and having difficulties to breathe. A very ill child no one had wanted to give a second chance, until her mother agreed to make a contract with the devil. A very beautiful devil who never harmed her, only tickled her quite often, with a lot of love.

"That's daddy!" shouted Hotaru and the vision of the weak baby was gone. Now, Michiru was holding a strong and very wild tomboy in her arms. The child was pointing over with her dirtied hands to the red Ferrari which had crossed the finish line - as the winner.

"Yeah! Victory!!" screamed the little girl and kicked her legs excitedly. It was clear that she wanted to be on her feet and to run over to her daddy. Michiru, however, held her tight in her warm embrace. Still, there were too many cars outside; she didn't want her daughter to get harmed.

"So, now we have a formula one champion in our family."

Michiru shrugged her shoulders and returned Elza's grin. Her hair were as fire red as ever, but now they touched her shoulders. It was one of her strange bets she sometimes did with Setsuna and now she had to let her hair grow for over a year. She had already managed five months.

"Hope you are not jealous, you fast sportswoman."

"Me? No. I don't need any cars to be fast." Elza grinned even wider and raised her camera to take some photos. She went into a training camp right after school and became a known sportswoman. She was the quickest athlete in her team and next year she wanted to try her very best to be qualified for Olympia.

"Don't boast so much, Elza-chan," snickered Setsuna who walked slowly behind the young woman. It was too hot for her. The sun was burning and she had some difficulties breathing as deep as she wanted to. Her girlfriend was slightly dancing on her nerves, especially when the redhead jumped around like a young deer while she felt like an old walrus. Setsuna had never felt this way before, but a lot had changed during the past months. As the senshi of time, and a s a woman, she knew that this condition would be only temporary, yet she wished autumn and winter to arrive sooner.

"I would never, Sissy-chan," smirked Elza but her smile became more tender as she went back to her fiancée and helped her to sit down. Then she organized her love a cold lemonade and tried to fan her some fresh air with one of her sport magazines which she always carried around with her.

"Hey, you shouldn't run so fast, you know that, Sissy-chan. Is everything alright?"

"I shouldn't run fast? Hey, but I didn't want to lose you out of my sight!"

"I was too fast?" Elza blinked and Michiru had to giggle as she saw the innocent expression there, knowing that her older sister couldn't be angry any longer after she looked seen into sparkling blue eyes.

"Oh, no problem. I'll simply borrow Haruka's car, then I'll have a chance, you whirlwind."

"Are you still allowed to drive a car?"

"Hey, I am NOT ill!"

"But you are pregnant."

"Just in the seventeenth week! Here, you can hardly see anything! I am still very mobile!"

"I know." Grinned Elza diabolically and stroked tenderly over Setsuna's belly. If you looked closer you could see that it grew over the past months. Even if a pullover could hide the bump perfectly, her summer dress couldn't. Although Setsuna tried to behave as normal as possible, neither her morning sickness nor the summer's heat did help her at all and she already felt fat and immobile. She wasn't very keen to be pregnant for another eternity, but she was very keen in becoming a mommy and holding the little one tight that was right now sleeping inside her slightly swollen belly.

"Hey, little one, guess I should be more patient with your mommy, huh?" said Elza to the unborn baby and gently put her head on Setsuna's belly as she felt slim fingers running through her fire red hair. "Gomen, Sissy-chan. I didn't mean to distress you."

"I know, Elza-chan. I know."

Michiru wanted to say something to her sister and her future sister-in-law, but Hotaru had finally managed to escape her arms and ran over the hot asphalt. Still hearing Rei and Usagi argue, Michiru spun around to fetch her daughter, but suddenly Haruka stood there, catching a wild tomboy who flew into her arms. Again Hotaru was swirled through the air and again she enjoyed it, laughing happily.

"Hey, my little princess," laughed Haruka and shook some of her wet strands out of her reddened face. Her sea green eyes sparkled with happiness as she let Hotaru down and kissed his girlfriend tenderly.

"Oh... champagne. What a nice taste," teased Michiru and giggled as Haruka embraced her with her free arm, because Hotaru was suddenly very interested in the helmet she held in the other one.

"I told them that it's not necessary, but they simply wanted to splash me with it."

"Give in, you liked it."

Haruka looked at her through her soft eyelashes and gave her another kiss.

"You know me too well, Michi-chan," she whispered. "But a shower with you is better. Hope you know that." They both grinned at each other, then Haruka bowed down and helped Hotaru to put on the helmet. Of course it was too big. And of course Elza was there right on time to take some more pictures.

Of a happy family.

A little car racer with a too wide helmet was swirled around by a tall car racer without a helmet while the others stood around, laughing.

Of my happy family.

_**- There're people out there who need you. Who will love you with all consequences. -**_

_You've been right, Hika-chan. As always you've been right. Do you see them, Hika-chan? My friends? My girlfriend? My daughter? Do you see them from above, Hika-chan? _

_They are my family._

Haruka held Hotaru softly tight who seemed to enjoy the helmet and the attention she got with it. There were some reporters, as well, taking their own photos, but Haruka didn't see them. She only saw her friends, saw her family who meant everything in her life.

Finally, Setsuna rose and declared that she was hungry. Very hungry, because Elza's child in her was as greedy as Elza herself. The red haired girl pouted - but only for a moment - then they all decided to go inside. To celebrate the big event and simply to have a good time.

Haruka only turned around for one last time and looked up to the cloudless sky, believing to see a tiny star sparkling beneath the burning sun.

_Arigato, Hika-chan. __For everything._

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"Why do children always have to be born in the middle of the night?" Haruka yawned slightly and glanced at her watch. Right now she was driving in high speed over the highway of Tokyo to get to the hospital in time. Elza called them up merely minutes ago, not being able to say one single coherent sentence, but Haruka and Michiru knew at the very instant what had happened. Setsuna's belly grew incredibly big over the past months and the birth was near. Still they didn't know if Setsuna carried a little boy or a little girl. Every time thetime senshi went to the doctor, the baby showed them their back so that they had no chance to see its gender. Setsuna was a little bit upset, but Elza declared that she wanted to have a healthy child; the gender wasn't so much important to her. Setsuna briefly wondered if she should misuse her powers as the time senshi, but decided against it. The staff of time only showed her what destiny thought to be important for the outer senshi to know. Setsuna didn't want to press her luck for the staff had never let her down before.

"Because later on they'll hardly ever have the chance again to stay up so late in the night," snickered Michiru and thought of Hotaru who didn't want to go to bed early in the evening these days. Rather than to sleep she wanted her beloved daddy to tell her another fairy tale out of that old, thick book her granny had given her for her last birthday. Sometimes Haruka couldn't resist... but after the fourth story even she had to see that nothing could make little Hotaru tired if the little girl didn't want to sleep.

Right now the small daredevil was at home and aunt Rei was baby sitting her. The priestess had simply told them that she hated hospitals and that someone had to take care of Hotaru and offered her help.

"Elza's surely a complete wrack."

"Just like Sissy." Michiru giggled and looked over to her girlfriend. "Sissy told me last week that Elza has to have the next baby or they won't have any more children at all."

"Can imagine." Haruka grinned at the vision of a raging Setsuna who wanted to catch Elza but couldn't, because her big belly was always in her way. "But that's normal. There had been times when I was pregnant with Hotaru when I hated the entire world, too."

Quickly, they exchanged glances, knowing that Haruka had had her reasons for hating the entire while Hotaru had been inside her belly. Setsuna, on the other hand, only experienced some side effects of her snapping hormones.

"Ruka! Watch out! That's not the race track!" shouted Michiru suddenly as a big shadow jumped on the street. Haruka braked hard and she was lucky to have her racing skills, therefore they avoided the impact. The car slipped across the road and came to a screeching halt, but that was all.

"Nani? What was that?" whispered Haruka and shook her head, turning over to her girlfriend. "Are you okay, Michi-chan? Are you hurt?"

"Hai, everything alright, Ruka." Michiru opened the door and Haruka could see a golden staff sparkling in her hands as she left the car.

"Wait a sec, Michi!" Haruka rose, as well, and cursed under her breath as she hurt her head at the car's doorframe. "What do you think you are doing?"

"That wasn't a deer nor a fox. That was a youma, no doubt! I can feel it. The sea's raging again."

"Again?" Haruka looked around, sceptically. "But Sailor Moon defeated the last youmas two years ago, right? You found the talismans and the grail and could ban the evil."

"That's what I thought, too." Michiru raised her henshin to transform, but was held back by her girlfriend. Slowly, she turned around and faced Haruka, feeling slightly confused.

"Don't even try it, Michi. You are all alone, Sailor Moon's far away. You know how strong those youmas can be."

"But we can't simply let him walk free! He's able to kill people. Innocent people!"

"That's why we are going to talk to Usagi and the others – in the hospital. Together you're surly able to defeat him..." Michiru wanted to walk away, but Haruka held her tighter. "I won't let anything happen to you, Michi-chan. I mean it! Maybe I am not a senshi, but I am your girlfriend and I tell you to come with me and to talk to the others before you harm yourself."

"I know what I am doing."

"Like you did in front of the opera? When I had that flu three years ago?"

For a moment there was silence and Michiru looked deeply into worried green eyes. Then she sighed and slowly lowered her henshin.

"Okay, Ruka. Guess you are right. Let's..."

She couldn't finish her sentence, because the youma appeared suddenly out of the darkness, attacking them with sharp knifes. He was one of the stronger species. On of the most evil monsters. He wiped away Sailor Neptune's attack like a troublesome fly and aimed his knifes at her. Ready to kill her. Or at least to try it. Haruka knew that he would be successful, because Michiru wasn't able to defeat it. Not all alone.

_We need to call Usagi!_

_We need Sailor Moon to defeat it!_

Haruka glanced over to Sailor Neptune who shouted another deep submerge, but her spell failed. Again.

_I need to rescue Michi-chan first!_

Michiru raised her hands protectively, instinctively stepping in front of her girlfriend. The sea senshi stared shocked at the youma who only laughed at her attack. Her strong attack that looked so weak with a sudden.

_Nani?_

The knifes sparkled dangerously and Michiru wondered how she should defeat them. Without Sailor Moon's, without anyone else's help. There was simply no time to grab her mobile to call for Usagi or at least one of the inner senshi. As there was no time to get back into their car and drive away. To run before it could really harm them

I have to protect Ruka, as well...

At the moment when the ugly youma raised his hands to throw his knifes, a planet hit him and he screamed in pure agony and anger.

_Nani?_

It had been a golden planet. None of the other senshi had a golden planet. Michiru's was blue, Setsuna's green and Hotaru was still too young to fight. The inner senshi had other weapons, no planets at all.

_Nani?_

"Michi?" Haruka's voice was shaky and as Michiru turned around to look at her girlfriend, she saw what was so obviously frightening her, because behind her there stood her Ruka, wearing a Sailor uniform, holding a golden staff tightly in her trembling hands.

dbdbdb

End

**Author's corner:**

Now, the story is completed. I hope you liked it. Thank you all very much for your nice, encouraging reviews and for reading such a long story (AND leaving a review _smile_).

I told you that Haruka does transform at one point of the story, however, it couldn't be any earlier than the epilogue, because I wanted Michiru to accept Haruka the way she is. I wanted them to fall in love, because they love each other, the humans, not because they feel obliged because of the stars and because of what had happened in the Silver Millenium. I wanted to them to make their own choices, unbiased by destiny and all that senshi stuff. For me, they're Haruka and Michiru and only when they have to fight and protect the ones they love they turn into Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune. It's a little bit like Bruce Wayne and Batman – only the other way round _grin_.

Some more facts:

This story took part at the "Sailor Moon Fanfiction Competition of the Animexx 2003" and I even succeeded by reaching the 2nd place (after all, it's a German page, this story was in English, thanks again for the people who accepted this long, English story -''').

Writing: September 2001 -July 2002

Uploading: July 2002 - May 2003

Reuploading on ffnet: January 2008 – June 2008


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